> Be Anon, rookie police officer
> You hear a familiar high-pitched voice as you round the corner of the grocery store
> "Ooooh, look who it is!"
> For fuck's sake
> This is again?
"Four times..."
> You notice her arms behind her back
"...four times you've pulled this, Pinkie."
> Leaning around her reveals her wrists are cuffed around a stop sign
> Plastic cuffs
> Likely bought from the department store across the street
 
> "Pulled what, officer?"
> You frown and open your mouth, but quickly shut it
> What IS wrong with her?
> Compulsive liar, maybe?
> Just a bored teenager, wasting your time?
> Pinkie just doesn't seem to have the spirit of a delinquent, and yet...
"A little girl ran up to me outside the bakery and told me you were shoplifting electronics."
> You point towards the department store
"Here. And she looked pretty damn upset."
 
> "Y'got me red-handed, officer!"
> "Well, pink-handed. But close enough!"
> Her care free giggle compounds your frustration
> It just doesn't make sense
> The first time this happened was at the mall
> Pinkie approached you and told she had stolen expensive perfume from a booth
> She looked genuinely guilty, so you were gentle - but she refused to hand it over
> After what felt like ten minutes of back-and-forth, you gave in and searched her
> Her coat pockets were empty
> She gave a grin, and dashed off
 
> When she approached you one week later, you gave in again and found nothing
> You were going to ignore her if she did it a third time, but you weren't expecting a girl her age to come to you with tears in her eyes
> Insisting Pinkie had her purse
> And this time it's a little girl going on about electronics
> You feel like a gullible idiot already, but you can't just leave it be
 
"I want to know what's going on with you."
> "Hmmm?"
"Are you attention deprived? Your parents ignore you maybe?"
"Is that little girl playing along, or did you really shoplift... only to put it all back before I got here?"
 
> You nod your head
> That must be it, right?
> "Ahem~~!"
 
> She wiggles her torso left and right
> She's wearing a new jacket. It's fucking huge, and... almost looks lumpy
> "There's a lot of room in here you know~"
> "And I don't think your hands will give you false testimony, officer Anon, sir. You're a policeman after all."
> " You can trust them more than you can trust little ol' me..."
 
> With a sigh, you tug on her zipper
> ...it won't budge at all
"Oh, come on, what is this?"
> "That old thing... always gets jammy wammied!"
> Jammy wammied...
> What a dork
> There's no way this kid stuffed her coat full of merchandise, is there?
> Only one way to find out
> You grab hold of the bottom of the jacket, and lift up
> Revealing the button of her pants, and her belly button too
"W-Wh-"
 
> Taking a step back, you glare at her
> "Something wrong?"
"Are you not wearing a shirt?"
> Her eyes bulge
> Her jaw drops
> She tugs the jacket's neck down a bit too far toward her chest for comfort
> "Did I forget agaaaain!?"
> "I was in a rush, officer Anon. I'm really sorry, officer Anon."
> You don't have time for this
 
"Just... tell me what's in your coat."
> "Nuh-uh."
"Pinkie."
> "Nuh-UH! It's a secret. If you wanna know so bad, you're gonna have to check."
> Is...
> Is she doing this to get you to...
> You contemplate for a moment, then shake your head
> Don't be ridiculous Anon. It's Pinkie. She's just a kid
 
> "It could be a remote control... or a brand new $200 gaming handheld. Or a pair of ear buds... or $400 studio headphones!"
> "Ooh, I bet you want to know reeeaal bad, huh?"
> "Well, I've got the answer right here, sir!"
 
> In defeat, you close your eyes and sigh
> She gasps and grins when your hands plop down on her shoulders
> "Oh no, you better not sir. I just remembered that jail is a super bad place!"
> As you press in and slide your hands down the outside of her arms, the fabric flattens
> You can tell that it's just her skin below
> Okay, so all clear here. Now...
> Sheepishly, your hands travel down to her wrists, and find nothing
> "...hm."
 
> A few good pats down her sides don't reveal anything, either
> "...hngh."
"...you say something?"
> She shakes her head, with a suspiciously blank expression
> Now then
> You raise your hands up over the most suspicious spot - the coat pockets
> After hesitating a bit over the thought of her shirtless stomach, you accidentally press down too hard on the thick jacket
> "...nghhhn."
 
> Flat
> You rub up and down her lower back awkwardly, and find the same
> "Hnnannnghh."
 
"Okay, what's with the noises?"
> "Huh?"
"Is this making you uncomfortable? I can stop if you start telling the truth."
> She coyly shakes her head
> "I don't know what you're talking about, officer Anon. But you better remember to check under my arms."
"...is that so?"
> "Yeah, that's probably where I'd put a $500 tablet, sir. Officer Anon, sir~"
> "Let's just say, there's a fancy little holster for them that goes all around my body!"
 
> Your stomach sinks and you roll your eyes
> Remembering the cuffs, you don't bother to ask her to spread her arms
> Just awkwardly reach out toward her torso
> And hover your hands there for something like ten seconds
> "It'll take like two seconds, Officer. You might as well just do it. Don't be a silly willy."
> Two seconds...
> With bated breath, you squeeze your hands under her armpits
> They barely fit in this position, pressing against her arm and what must be her breasts
> Your fingers go to work pressing in all directions around where you guess her bra strap would be
> From her side to her back, you feel around and find...
> "Mphhhgnn."
> ...a small, square-shaped object.
 
> "nnnghhh, j-jack pot, officer Anon. Go ahead, take me in. I deserve it. Pinkie's a bad, bad..."
> She looks up into your eyes with big eyes and a pout
> "...bad girl."
"I'm not taking you in Pinkie. For crying out loud, this is stupid."
> You run your hand through your hair
"I already get a lot of shit from the guys just because I'm young, I don't need this."
 
> Her pout intensifies
> "Officer..."
> "You can't punish me yet."
> "I mean, you don't even know if it's really a tablet!"
> What
> "It could be anything! Make up case, grooming kit... $600 smart phone..."
 
> God
> Damn it
> You look around the area
> A few cars parked across the street, but no people
> "It could even be a $800 necklaaaaghh! O-Officer!!"
> From the neck of her jacket, you reach in
> Your fingers travel across her bare back until they find the object
> Pinkie squirms as you shake it left and right
"The hell...?"
> As you lean in closer to try and peek down the back of her jacket, she whimpers
> "W-w-wowee, Anon, I wasn't e-expecting th..."
"Damn it!"
> It comes loose
> And falls down her jacket
> She squeaks as you quickly pull your arm out of her shirt and press both hands into your face
 
> "It... fell?"
> "Oh..."
> "I can feel it!"
> She presses back against the stop sign and looks at you, eye to eye
> "You're really lucky it didn't fall out and break, officer Anon sir."
 
> Your face feels hot and your fingers are trembling, but you kneel down
> From the bottom of her jacket you slither in and travel up and around her body
> "Uhnnmmph."
> While pressing in-between her back and the pole, you find whatever the hell is in here
> "Hahaa!"
> It slides out with your clawing finger, but she presses down even harder
> The warm, smooth flesh envelopes your finger tips
> Her slightly chubby stomach that is pressing against your arms sticks out in your mind
> "Y-You almost have it!!"
> It takes all of your willpower to avoid standing and yelling profanities in this girl's face
> Of all the stupidest shit
 
> You bring your left arm out and rest it vertically against her back
> Once your finger tips are grasping the object you pry her off of the stop sign and get a good grip
> "O-Off-hnngg-ficer A-Anon, that's CHEATING~!"
> In one smooth motion, you pull your arm out of her jacket, stand up, and look around the street again
> No one's around... you think
> Sighhh
> You turn back around and raise the object to your face
 
"...where.. in the hell"
"did you find my wallet?"
> You crack it open and, sure enough, your identification is inside
"Wh-where's my money?!"
> "You noticed!"
"Of course I did!"
> She giggles and wiggles her torso again
> "I thought you'd find it earlier... you even pressed down reeeaaally hard on my tummy!"
> "Maybe you should look in the pockets?"
> ...probably
> "The one on your right."
 
> You slowly reach inside and retrieve some folded up cash
> "Heeheehee! You're not a very good cop, are you officer Anon? Is it because you're so young?"
> "Or... were you just flustered by a certain lovable, huggable, wuggable woman~?"
 
"...you didn't spend any of this, did you?"
> "Heehee..."
> Her breathing is heavy, her face is even pinker than usual
> And her smile is a bashful one
> Which isn't an emotion Pinkie tends to show
> "I wouldn't do something like that, officer Anon."
> "Except to buy some kiddie handcuffs or something."
 
> You hear a little click and Pinkie straights up, bringing her arms forward
> The cuffs hang from her trembling hand
> You... don't know what to feel right now
> "Oh, and Anon..."
 
"Uh-huh?"
 
> She nervously presses her index fingers together and looks toward the sidewalk
> "There's another thing that was stolen."
"Oh?"
> "Y-Yeah... but YOU stole this thing."
> She sounds quiet, and vulnerable...
> But she's talking nonsense as always
> "You stole it, but you don't have to give it back..."
 
"What are you talking about?"
> She points up at the wallet
> "In the veeeerrrry last fold. Okie dokie?"
> You open the wallet, stuff the cash into its place, then pry at a card slot you've never bothered with before
> In it is a folded piece of printer paper with a bit of tape holding it shut
> After gently ripping the tape off, you unfold it and see "my heart" written with big, bright pink letters
"..w-what is this supposed to-"
 
> Pinkie takes off before you can face her
> At the end of the street, she turns the corner sprinting like a madwoman
> For the next minute or two, you rest your shoulder against the stop sign and stare at the note...
> ...waiting for your heart to stop pounding against your chest
 
/End