Chapter 4: APPLES! APPLES! APPLES!
 
>You and Rarity rush into town, and you immediately notice it’s populated by buffalo and ponies
>Shit, you forgot about this
>Rumble rumble…
>Shit, you’re hungry as hell right now!
>And Rarity’s showing hunger, as well
>You look at the little pony with a curious question
“Got any money, Rarara?”
>Sadly, she shakes her head, looking at the ground
>”Pinkie had all the money…”
>God damn it
>”We should go see Braeburn.”
>Braeburn? The guy who everybody would go straight and or gay for?
>Does he even live in the mainlands of the town?
>…Or should you say ‘mane’?
>…
>Thank god Pinkie isn’t here to see you use such an awful pun
>…Actually, knowing Pinkie, she’d probably laugh at it
>…Aaaanyway
“Braeburn, who’s that?”
>”Oh, he’s this guy I know.”
>Rarity stop trying to make it sound like you fucked him
“How do you know ‘im?”
>”Late into last year, like August, me and my friends went to go visit Applejack’s cousin in Appleloosa. …Then there was this whole outbreak about ponies and buffalos fighting, then we solved it… After a dreadful “number” from Pinkie, of course.”
>How can she talk about her friends so easily? They’re technically… dead
>Well, okay, there’s no way of knowing that but it’s a strong possibility
>”Me and Braeburn have been friends since.”
“Have you talked to him since that moment?”
>”…Well, no. But I’m sure he remembers me! Who couldn’t remember a face such as this?”
>Duckface!
“Any sensible person, I hope.”
>She growls and rolls her eyes
“Where is he, anyway?”
>”…? Who?”
 
>Her look of confusion irritates you
“Braeburn, duh.”
>”Oh, yes, Braeburn! My bad, really. Uhm… I think he’s right over there.”
>She points to some house on her left
>The train station is also to Rarity’s left, although further back
“…Don’t you think we should get to Ponyville as quick as possible?”
>”And not eat? Anonymous, you MUST have gone insane!”
“The average human can survive MONTHS at a time without food, Rarity.”
>”Yes, yes, but I’M not a human.”
“You’re pretty damn close, that’s for sure.”
>”Hmph! I’m just trying to say, it’d be better if we got our stomachs full and THEN head out.”
>You can’t help but facepalm while looking at the fashionista smarty
“Yeah, and go to sleep on the fourty-five minute ride to Ponyville?”
>”You don’t know how long the ride is from Appleloosa to Ponyville!”
“I don’t need to know how long it is to know that’s a stupid idea.”
>”It’s the only idea we’ve got, Anonymous!”
>…Fucker’s right
>It’s we either starve and fight, or eat and rest up for tomorrow
>Well… what do you do?
 
“Well, I’ll humor you, Rarity.”
>She turns to you with a hint of curiosity, and a whole lotta smug
>”Hm?”
“Since we’re out two our party members, when we head to Braeburn’s, why don’t we take him along?”
>”Take him along…? What do you mean?”
>Her face has turned into one of full curiosity
>Good, you’ve got her attention
“Well, Braeburn could really help in changing Twilight back to normal, don’t you think? I mean, basing on what you’ve told me about him and your relationship with him, don’t you think he could be a worthy adversary?”
>She’s thinking hard on this, you can tell
>She puts her hoof down with a smile
>”As long as we stay here overnight, Anonymous, then yes, taking him on our “team” would be approved.”
>You pump your fist in the air-
>”But!”
>God fucking damn it
>You eyes are brought back to Rarity, once again
>”We still have to convince him to leave home. And I don’t think that’ll be easy to do.”
“Yeah, well…”
>Crossing your arms, you smirk at the white horse
“I’ve got a little plan for Braeburn. Just let me do all the talking, okay?”
>”Whatever you say, “Nonny”.”
>Fuck you
>However, you could tell it pained her to even humor such a nickname towards you
>The two of you head to Braeburn’s house, to eat and to recruit the sexy ass mar-er… stallion
>…
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE NOT GOING?!”
 
>”Sorrah, Ahnon. Ah just can’t leave. Ah’d rather dah in mah hometown than fight for ah lost cause.”
>That’s Braeburn
>He’s refusing your invitation to come to Ponyville and fight-well, you didn’t say fight, but you implied it heavily-Ms. Twilight Sparkle
>At first you tried to make it seem like you, Rarity, and him were just going to visit his cousin, Applejack
>…He de-bunked that when he told you that visiting her wouldn’t be the best decision, since Ponyville’s covered in darkness
>Then you flat out told him the situation at hand, and he still refused
>You even told him about the fact that his town could be next!
>Nope, still re-fucking-fused
>Damn him to fucking hell
>Or is it Tartarus?
>Either way, fuck him
>Literally and figuratively
“But your cousin could DIE out there, Braeburn! Do you really want that fate for your cousin?”
>”Well, no-“
“THEN HELP US!”
>”Ah can’t, An-non! What if somethin’ hahppens here, too?!”
“Something WILL happen here if you don’t join our cause, Braeburn!”
>”Ah’m sorry, An-non. Ah just can’t. Ah wanna be apart of mah family if Ah die. Ah could jus’ as easily dah out there if it doesn’t work.”
“Oh come on. Rarity’s more likely to die than you-“
>”Come again, darling?”
“Nothing, nothing…”
>She has the ears of a fucking bat
“But, still! You’d be dying for your hometown if you did this! You’d be a hero!”
>”Ah’d rather be alive than ah hero, Anon! And that’s just that!”
>Celestia, throw the fucking moon at him for all that is holy
>”Darling, I think I can rope him in better than you can.”
>You turn to Rarity, sitting at the far end of the table, getting ready to get up and prove herself
“No need, Rarity. I’ve got two more reasons up my sleeve to convince him to go! Just watch!”
 
>Alright, here's your chance!
>Turning back to Braeburn, your hands on the table, staring him directly in his eyes
>You've only got two chances to convince this mother fucker to go along, before Rarity steps you up
>What's your first reason?
 
>Well, time to break out the intimidation claws
>Cracking your knuckles, you stare into Braeburn’s eyes
>His nice… beautiful eyes-
>Get it together, Anon!
>You will not turn gay for this fucker
>You smirk at him, clapping your hands together
“I can kill you in literally 2.5 seconds, Braeburn. Don’t test me, okay?”
>He flinches with fear a bit, but returns to his normal façade
>”Ya just said ya were comin’ up with two reasons ta get me to come along. This is your best one?”
>Okay, might’ve forgotten that you and Rarity were basically yelling all of that
>But…
>Fuck
>”Let a professional handle this, hm?”
>Rarity rises from her chair and walks over to the country pone
>She whispers something in his ear, which makes the stallion perk up ten fold
>”DEAL!”
>…What the fuck did she tell him?
>She walks pasts you back to her chair
>”Told you.”
“Oh shut it.”
 
>You can’t let it catch up!
>You fucking can’t!
>…It’s etching closer and closer
>…
>Thank god! You’re finally at the mou-
>…No
>NO!
>NO NO NO NO NO!
>Your back is against the mound, afraid for your life
>….This is it
>You’re going to die alone… AGAIN!
>…Well, it was nice knowing you…
>”Calm down, boy. I’m not here to kill you.”
>…Wait
>That voice…
>…You’ve heard it before
 
~Flashback~
>Cracking your knuckles, you have a plan for this shadow… thing
>You slowly walk towards the two ponies, with your fool-proof idea in mind
>”You fool…”
>The shadow starts to move closer to you
>This is your chance…
>Right then and there, you SOCK THE SHIT out of that shadow!
>…Then you remember it’s a fucking shadow
~End Flashback
 
>…But, that was just apart of your brain… right?
>You watch as the shadow on the ground materializes into a pony
>A stallion, to be specific
>That dark coat…
>Those red eyes…
>That horn…
>That armor…
>Could it be?
>No… it couldn't
 
>It is…
>Emerging from the shadow, comes out a very familiar face
>One that you’d like to forget
“Sombra…”
>”Why, yes, it is I, Kin-Wait, how do you know of my name?”
>Changethefuckingtopic
“Not important.”
>You arise from your scared position, to a one filled with confidence
>The details of the scene at hand disappear, as you and Sombra stare, eye to eye
“What do you want, Sombra? I was kinda in the middle of a dream here.”
>Blackness surrounds both of you
>”I’m here to help, Anonymous. Just like any friend would do.”
>Friend?
“Listen, Cobra, you’re sure as hell no friend of mine. You’re just some cliché villain who got his ass kicked by a lizard, a mary-sue of a mare, and some TOTALLY BROSKI BRO, DUDE!”
>”That may be true-Seriously, how do you know this?”
“NOT IMPORTANT!”
>”But, I want to give you some information, since you are a dear friend of mine.”
“Stop it with the friend shtick, I’ve just now met you.”
>”Oh? But have you?”
>You decide to stay silent
>”Remember that seductress in Las Pegasus?”
 
~Fucking Flashback~
“Excuse me… Ma’am?”
>”Yes?”
>IknowexactlywhyIhavethisboner.jpg
>Fuck, why is her voice so seductive?
>Whatever, don’t overreact
“Where am I, exactly?”
>”Oh~. You’re in Las Pegasus, the City of Lights!”
>Las Pegasus… huh
~End Flashback~
 
>Fuck
“That wasn’t you, was it?”
>”Oooh, but it was, Anon.”
“DUDE! I WAS CONTEMPLATING ON FUCKING YOU!”
>”And you would’ve been DEAD right after it.”
>You cross your arms against your chest
>”Do you also remember, that shadow?”
“Yeah, I think it was already established that that shadow was you.”
>”Hm… Appears that you’re right. But, my point still stands like a tree. You’ve known me all your time you’ve been here.”
>Poof
>Fucker’s right on your shoulder
>”And possibly for even longer than that, I see.”
>You back away from this creepy mother fucker
>He’s definitely more intimidating in real life then you would’ve thought
>Still not scared, though
>He’s a super-mega-ultra gary-stu if you’ve ever seen one
>And you’re not talking about the comic, obviously
“Listen, what the fuck do you want?”
>”Nothing. I just want yo to have some lead way on the situation at hand, is all. Can’t a friend do that to a friend?”
“No, because you’re not my friend!”
>”Fine. Have it that way. Your pink and yellow friends will just die all alone then.”
>!!
>Your grab the fucker with ease and push his slimy ass against an invisible wall
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FLUTTERSHY AND PINKIE PIE?!”
>Mothra smirks at you and poofs behind you once again
>”I know everything and nothing, all at the same time. I can tell you much, but I can also tell you very little.”
>A riddler, then
“Alright then, what’s your catch?”
>”Three questions. Two have to begin with “Who”, and have to make sense. And to give you a freebee, one has to start with “Where”.”
>Well, what’s your first question?
 
“Who’s controlling Twilight Sparkle?”
>”Oh, you’re a very smart one, Anonymous. Hm… I’ll give you a hint. Who’s red and silver with black all over?”
“Bad OCs?”
>”Yes-Wait, what? No! It’s me, you imbecile!”
“Well, you fall into the category of being Meghan’s bad OC so…”
>”Who’s Meghan?! How do you even know all of this?”
>You really need to shut your fucking mouth for once
“Wait, why the fuck are you controlling her? You’re fucking SOMBRA! Have you even SEEN what you’ve done so far?”
>”Because, imbecile, if I didn’t take control of her, then I would be taken out by those pesky ponies! Nobody’s going to attack a ruler gone mad! They WOULD attack a villain trying his hooves at things once again!”
“Have you even thought of Celestia? Or Luna? Or maybe Cadence and her dudebro boyfriend? They ALL have taken you out before, y’know!”
>He just snickers and laughs
>”You’ll find out about them soon enough… Just know that they won’t be a hindrance to the plan.”
“What plan?!”
>You turn around to face the devious bastard, your almost sympathetic attitude turning into anger
>”I’ve told you enough!”
>He stomped his hoof to the ground, creating an earthquake that knocks you off of your feet
>Someone you made fun of when he first appeared in the show is now making you legitimately angry
>Funny how the tides turn
>”Two more questions, boy. Make them good.”
>Well shit
>What’s your next question?
 
“Where are the Princesses?”
>Sombra snickers, poofing behind you
>”Oh, yes, I knew you would-wait what?”
“Where are Luna and Celest-“
>”I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID! I just thought you’d want to know about Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy’s whereabouts, instead.”
>He smirked, while you growled at him, making a fist
“Well, where are they?”
>”Where are… who?”
“Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie!”
>He once again, smirks
>”You’ve already picked your question, fool. A stupid one at that.”
“But, you haven’t even answered it yet!”
>”Well then, I will. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are in Canterlot Castle. One more question.”
“Where are Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie?”
>”Hmph, you’ve wasted that question already, fool. Don’t tr-“
“Where, are, they!?”
>You slowly walk to Sombra, grinding your teeth all the while
>”Do you really want to know?”
“YES!”
>The evil King snickers, walking up to you and putting a hoof under your chin
>”Will you do anything, kind sir?”
“JUST TELL ME!”
>”Alright then. Just know that you’ll be paying the price.”
“Whatever, you’re not going to do anything, anyhow.”
>”Whatever you say.”
>He chuckles once again and takes his hoof away from you
>”Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie are off in the Macintosh Moutains, at the very top.”
>Sombrero gives you a map, and circles a particular mountain
>The first mountain, to be specific
>”Go to the top of here. That’s all you need to do. Also… make sure to bring a weapon.”
“Why?”
>”You’ll find out soon enough.”
>You can’t help but smirk
>He wants you to fight him, doesn’t he?
>Oh that’s going to be an easy battle
>”Now, on to your final question.”
>You pocket the map and put a hand on your chin
>What should it be?
 
“Same-bro, if I stuk muh dik in Rarity’s plot and den orgasmed callin’ yer name, will you leave all of Equestria alone?”
>”You’re a ve-WAIT WHAT?! That doesn’t even fit my requirements!”
“But will it?”
>”NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, FUCK NO!”
>Yeesh, you were just fuckin’ with him
“Don’t need to start cursin’, dude.”
>You can’t help but snicker a little
>You need to continue with this for awhile
“But, wut if I stuck it in her vergina?”
>”NO! I don’t-WHAT?! Listen, I’m about to leave if you’re not going to take this seriously, boy.”
“What? ‘Can’t have a little fun every once in awhile?”
>”Not when I’m trying to HELP! Listen-“
“But wut if I got u 2 fuk raratata?”
>”You do realize I could be doing that right now, right?”
“Wait, what? How?”
>”How the fuck do you think I got into your dream?”
>…
>So…
“You can travel from dream to dream, sorta like Luna?”
>”I have stalk them for a little while, but yeah, dream watching-WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS?”
“Sombra, who do you think has the best ass? Rarity or Applejack?”
>”AGGGHHHH! That’s it, boy, I’m gone!”
“Just answer the question and I’ll ask a real one!”
>Audible growls are heard from the King of Evil
>You can’t help but chuckle at his anger
>”Fine! It’sApplejackofcourse.”
“Whutwuzdat, Samba?”
>”The peasant with the orange fur!”
“Ahhh.”
>Silence
>…
“So you like that big farm booty, huh?”
>”AAARRRRGGGGHGHHH!!!”