Chapter 3: Desserts are fun!
 
>Fuck this place
>Fuck this place
>Oh your fucking god, fuck this place
>It’s been an hour and you’re lost
>And Rarity is not taking it well
>In fact, she’s making fun of you for it
>Traveling in a god damn desert isn’t as easy and fun as it fucking sounds, god damn it!
>You have no idea how far you are from Las Pegasus, and the ponies are catching on
>Pinkie is amusing herself, with the things that are around her
>”Fluttershy! I spy with my little eye… a big yellow ball!”
>”…The sun?”
>”Yes! Now you go!”
>”…Uuuuhm… I spy with my little eye… yellowish-things on the floor-“
>”OOOOO! I KNOW THIS ONE! …Uuuuuhhh… Cider!”
>”How could you possibly get that wrong?”
>”I was wrong?”
>You take out the map and take a look at it
>…Fuck this fucking nonspecific map
>You really wish you had your GPS on your phone right now
>The only thing about Equestria you don’t like, this, fucking, desert
>”Having a little trouble, Anonymous?”
>You jump a bit in surprise, facing the white-colored pone
“No, of course not.” You simply state with painted confidence
>”Oh? Well then, which way do we go now?”
>You stop in your tracks, Fluttershy hitting her face on your butt
>You only assume Pinkie does the same with Flutters
>To be honest, you couldn’t help but yelp in pleasure from that
>May /mlp/ forever call you a faggot
>But, Rarity’s got you by the neck, at the moment
>Which way do you go from here?
 
>Forward, east!
>Following Celestia’s sun seems to be the smartest thing you can do
”We travel east, Rarity! Trust me on this.”
>The white and purple pony smirks at you
>”Whatever you say, Anonymous.”
>She chuckles a bit, and heads east
>Shortly, you follow her, with Ponka and Butterbutt following as well
>”Alrighty, Flutters! I’ve got another one for ya! Eye spy with my little eye… Someooooooone… yellow!”
>”…Me?”
>”Correct! Now it’s your turn!”
>”…Eye spy with my little eye… Someone pink.”
>”Okay, I’ve GOT this! Iiiiiiit’s… Celestia!”
>”She’s not even pink.”
>”Have you even SEEN her toy?”
>You turn to Rarity and try to strike up a conversation, while the two besties play Eye Spy in the background.
“So, Rarity, how booming was your business before you had to leave?”
>”How booming? Oh, darling, it was simply-“
“Fabulous, right?”
>She frowns at you, darting her eyes away from you
>”No, of course not. I was going to say DASHING! Why, my business was the best of Ponyville! Even Princess Twilight went there, you know?”
“You mean the same princess Twilight who banished your friend over there?”
>You point your thumb at Fluttershy
>”…Th-that was BEFORE she went insane!”
“Isn’t she your best friend, anyhow?”
>Silence comes over the fashionista pony
>”Sh-Shut up…”
 
>You take a look around the desert
>The sun seems to be going west
>And it’s not getting any fucking colder
>You swear you’re getting dehydrated
>You stop in your tracks to assess the situation at hand
>Hot desert, sun’s going down, most likely dehydrated
>You should rest
>Rarity looks up at you with a smirk
>”What’s wrong, Anonymous? Lost, again?”
“No, I’m trying to make sure we survive.”
>”Survive? So are you saying that we’ll DIE out here?”
>”D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d… DIE?!”
>God damn it Rarity, now you’ve made Fluttershy scared
>You take up Fluttershy in your arms and hug her
“Shhh… Come on, we’re not going to die here. The only thing we’re going to do is confront Twilight Sparkle!”
>Fluttershy still shakes and shudders, but gives off a small smile, showing that she’s okay
>But, what should we do now?
 
“Rarity… One question.”
>”Hm?”
>The purple maned pony looks up to you with curiosity
“You know magic, right?”
>”Well, yes of course. Your point?”
“Well, can you just use your magic to… y’know, teleport us?”
>Rarity’s face goes blank for a second, as she attempts to answer you
>”Well… I… Er…”
>”Becaaaaause, silly!”
>You, and so do the others, look towards the pink one
>What does she have to say about all of this?
>”Rarity is a pretty weak unicorn. Teleportation is a very advanced spell, as even an alicorn like Twilight or Luna can only use it two or three times before almost passing out! And even then, they’re only transporting themselves!”
>Pinkie takes out a chalkboard and chalk, and begins to draw a diagram to go along with her words
>”Normal unicorns CAN learn transportation; they just get REAAAL tired after it! And they’ll probably faint if they transport more than one pony! Plus, we don’t have a book that could teach Rarity that particular spell. I’m preeeetty sure there’s one in Las Pegasus, though!”
>…Well then!
>Rarity nods, agreeing with the pink pone
“Well then, we need to continue on east.”
 
>”You CAN’T be serious, darling!”
“Oh, but I am. We’ve already missed our chance to sleep during the day today-“
>”Wait, what do you mean?”
“The smartest thing to do while in the desert is to travel by night, sleep by day-“
“Like some sort of OWL? …Do you REALLY expect me to act like such a grotesque creature?”
“Your funeral. We won’t be saving you when you fall asleep in the night and get kidnapped.”
>”Me? Kidnapped?”
>This whole time you realize you’ve been standing there, wasting time
>Moving on, you retort to Miss Rarity’s comment
“Well you are a very beautiful mare. Who knows? You could be forced to marry a nasty prince-“
>”PRINCE?! Do you think a Prince could kidnap /me/?”
>Let it be Rarity to turn something obviously negative into a positive
>The white unicorn starts to follow you, and you can only assume the two ponies behind you follow suit
“Hm… Know what? I definitely retract my statement. You’re less than a beautiful, and more of a-WAHHH!”
>Somehow, Rarity magically lifts you off your feet, causing you to almost trip
>Almost, but she catches you
>”You weigh less than one of my cotton balls.”
>Liar
>You can see the struggling look on her face, but her attempt to take it all in stride is admirable
>”S-So, what was that about me being more of a what now?”
“Oh, I was just saying you’re more of a dragon than a pony.”
>You smirk, as you watch her expression go from snive to pure anger
>”If I wasn’t a proper lady, I would throw you right n-“
>She stops herself short, as her face turns into one of… sorrow?
>”…Spikey.”
>She drops you with a loud THUD!
>…OW!
>Your back!
>And… in a moment that seemed to go to fast, she’s gone
>Just like that
>All you see is a trail of dust
>And the moon’s finally out, shining it’s bright white light on you
>You turn around, and thankfully, pink and yellow are still behind you, aware of the situation at hand
>What do you do…?
 
“Fluttershy! Pinkie Pie! What should we do?”
>Fluttershy’s face turns into one of shock and fear from being put on the spot like this
>”U-Uhm… I… Uh…”
>She really isn’t a fast thinker, is she?
>Unlike Pinkie!
>”Well, Rarity must be homesick!”
>…Really?
>She seemed just fine a moment ago…
>”Yes, yes, I know that! Buuut! That doesn’t mean anything at all! She could’ve just been hiiiding her homesickness! She usually does that with her emotions. Or maybe she’s just bipolar… Not important! Whichever the reason, there’s only one thing we can do!”
“What is it?”
>”Fluttershy!”
>The scared care taker turns to her friend, biting on her hoof
>Hoof clippings go everywhere
>How is that possible?
>”Since Rarity has already traveled so far, we need someone-that someone is you-to fly overhead! You need to fly as FAST as you can, in order to catch up with Rarity!”
>”B-B-But how am I going to do that?! I’m the slowest Pegasus alive!”
>”That role belongs to foals, Fluttershy! Foals and Bulk Biceps. But, still! You need to TRY! If you don’t try, then why bother?”
>Fluttershy’s head tilts towards the ground, as she pokes her hoof in the sand
>Soon, thankfully, she lifts her head up with confidence
>”A-Alright, Pinkie, whatever you say!”
>”Great! Anon!”
>The faster party planner turns to you with quick succession
>”You and me need to run on the ground, and catch her off guard! You’ll need to go behind her, while I’ll go at her side! Fluttershy’ll go in front of her! We’ll corner her and leave her helpless! Any questions from anypony? Please, make them fast, we don’t have much time!”
 
>You quickly shake your head, getting into running position
>”Great! On the count of three, we’ll go for her!”
>Slightly looking up, you notice Fluttershy putting on some air goggles to protect her eyes
>”One…”
>Slightly stretching out your muscles, you get ready to run
>”Two…”
>Alright… this is-
>”THREE!”
>Shit!
>You start off fumbling and almost tripping over yourself
>But you manage to gather yourself pretty quickly
>And if this were a race, you’d be winning right now, as you’re ahead of the pack
>Pinkie and Fluttershy both seem to be giving it their all, when you look back
>They must not have that speed that you do
>…
>HOW FAR IS SHE?!
>You swear to God herself you’ve been running for over an hour now, and you still haven’t seen any trace of her white plot
>You mean, Jesus Christ! You didn’t know some white unicorn could run this fast and far!
>You’re starting to get tired…
>And these two just aren’t letting up!
>They’re still going at the same pace they were before!
>You won’t bother to ask them why, though
>That’d just leave you with less energy
>”THERE SHE IS!”
>Pinkie points her hoof at a white dot, who appears to be Rarity
>The white dot is also slowing down quite a bit
>”You guys ready?”
>”Yeah! Let’s do this, Pinkie!”
“Yeah… Let’s-“
>You yawn mid sentence, and attempt to catch up with the two
>The two pick up the pace, as you slow down significantly
>Tumbling over, you can’t help but embrace the cool sand, and drift asleep…
>It’s just a quick-
“YAWWN!”
>It’s just a quick nap… you’ll be with them in the morning…
 
>”HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLP!!”
>Fluttershy!
>With a kick spin, you get up on your feet and rush towards the yelling
>”NONNY, HEEEELLP!”
>Pinkie!?
>You can’t help but run faster and faster, being bent on saving your friends
>You meet up with Rarity, who’s staring in shock at the whole debacle
>…Wait
>They seem to be fine
>They’re on the floor, next to a high mountain of sand
>They don’t seem out of the ordinary at all… They’re just laying there…
>Is there something you’re not seeing…?
 
“Fluttershy…? Pinkie…? What’s... wrong?”
>Nothing
>They’re not saying a word
>It seems like Fluttershy is making a hissing sound, however…
>Confusing… but alright
>You make note of it
>You take a closer look at your surroundings, especially at the frozen Rarity
>Her eyes are in constant shock, and her hoof is to her mouth
“Rarity, what are you seeing?”
>Fear now encompasses her, as she slowly points her hoof to the two ponies on the ground
>”T-t-t-t-t… S-S-S-S-S…”
>You look towards the scene at hand once again
>And still, you see nothin-
>The shadow…
>It’s… off, somehow
>The shadow covers both Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie entirely, seemingly standing over them both
>It… feels that way, at least
>You can just feel something is wrong, now
>You look back down at the two ponies, and notice that their eyes are completely closed
>Fluttershy’s hissing has stopped
>They look like they’re sleeping, as opposed to laying on their sides, looking at you
>”Run…”
>You turn to Rarity, who’s slowly stepping away from the shadow
>Wait… the shadow?
>You quickly turn back around, to see the same picture as you saw before
>But…
>Something’s… different
>You feel as though it’s telling you to… come here
>To… go into the shadows
>You can’t help but listen…
>But you know you need to at least try to resist the feeling
>…What do you do?
 
>Cracking your knuckles, you have a plan for this shadow… thing
>You slowly walk towards the two ponies, with your fool-proof idea in mind
>”You fool…”
>The shadow starts to move closer to you
>This is your chance…
>Right then and there, you SOCK THE SHIT out of that shadow!
>…Then you remember it’s a fucking shadow
>You run as fast as you can in the opposite direction, grabbing Rarity’s hoof as to bring her along
>Quickly looking behind yourself, you see the shadow chasing you
>The fucker’s on your tail
>Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
>You make a swift turn and attempt to pick up the pace
>Your feet make indents in the sand, with every step you take
>The white pone you’re almost dragging is scared and speechless
>Shit, you would be too if you were her
>Thankfully, you get to where you want to b-
>…
>At the sand mound
>And they’re fucking gone
>Shit!
>You turn around and see the shadow speeding towards you two
>Panicking, you try to think of something quick
“Rarity!”
>Her head slowly turns to you, still obviously in fear
“On the count of three, we bolt it through this sand mound, okay?”
>She doesn’t question it, as she gets ready to jump
“One…”
>You get ready as well, looking back
>It’s coming…
“Two…”
>It’s almost there…
>You gulp, and make one last final stretch
“THREE!”
 
>The both of you jump through the sand hill and run for your lives
>Your legs are fucking TIRED!
>But you can’t let up now…
>You just can’t!
>The one thing you need to do now, is get to Appleloosa
>OH BOY RIVER!
>The both of you stop short at the river, with you almost falling in
>You quickly look behind yourself, and notice that the shadow is… gone
>…
>You wait a while too, and that shit is gone
>You swear you’ve waited for almost thirty minutes, and no show of that pesky shadow
>Thank Celestia herself-
>Actually, no, fuck her
>Her sun made the damn shadow in the first place
>Thank Luna for not making shadows
>But, you’re near the river, finally
>It took shorter than you would’ve thought…
>…
>You’re thirsty as shit
>You’re the first to dunk your head in the river and just slurp up everything you can
>Rarity soon follows suit, dunking her head in the refreshing water bath
>Taking your head out of the river, you can’t help but lie on the sand to catch your breathe
>And Rarity does the same, she just sits down instead of lying there, like yourself
>What now?
 
“Sigh…”
>Sitting up and facing Rarara, you can’t help but feel bad for her
>Whatever the fuck she saw back there must have been traumatizing…
“Rarity…”
>She turns to you, with tears in her eyes
>”I only have one thing to ask…”
>You tilt your head to the side, as to show interest
>”…ARE YOU INSANE!?”
>Yeesh! You didn’t thing she’d go out with the yelling
>”WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING BUCK DID YOU THINK ATTEMPTING TO PUNCH THAT… THAT… THAT /THING/ WOULD ACCOMPLISH?!”
>She jumps on top of you and holds you down on the sand
>”ANONYMOUS, YOU COULD’VE GOTTEN YOURSELF KILLED! LIKE I NEED TO LOSE SOMEPONY ELSE!”
>She’s crying without any sense of stopping, going from yelling to sobbing
>She quickly picks you up with her magic and hugs the shit out of you
>And by that, you mean it’s a Pinkie Pie hug
>And is it killing you
“Can’t… breathe…”
>Her eyes widen, as she soon lets go, wiping tears from her face
>Wait… what she said…
>’LIKE I NEED TO LOSE SOMEPONY ELSE!’
>…Does that mean…?
“Rarity… Are Pinkie and Fluttershy…”
>Fuck, how do you say this?
>Know what? Just be blunt with it
“…Dead?”
>Shocked that you would even ask such a question… then full of sorrow, that their death just might be true…
>”I… have no idea, to be honest.”
>She tries to speak with quickness, obviously very uncomfortable with this topic
>”While it is a possibility… Th-They could just be in Appleloosa, as well.”
>You sigh, once again, as you sit near the river
>You stare at your reflection, and contemplate the loss of your new found friends
>It really troubles you more than it should…
>But… Fluttershy
>Pinkie…
>They’re your first friends you’ve ever had…
>Shit, and that’s saying something
>For some reason, you were never well liked by most
>Shit, the only reason you got here because…
>…
 
>You fucking killed yourself… didn’t you?
>You hadn’t thought about it until now…
>But… why’d you forget it?
>Greentexts on /mlp/ always had Anon remember his death
>Well, okay, this isn’t a greentext on /mlp/, but still
>It’s still kind of weird…
>Shit, you don’t remember anything from the last day you were alive, either…
>You just remember falling asleep, and boom, in a fucking forest
>And look at you now; you’ve gotten two of your friends possibly killed…
>What the hell do you do now?
 
>Get it together, Anon!
>What would Pinkie say if she saw you like this?
>What would FLUTTERSHY say if she saw this?
>…Actually, she’d probably comfort you
>But, anyway, this wouldn’t be what they would want you to do
>They’d want you to save them!
>Save them if they’re alive, that is
>Or if they need saving…
>You get up and walk over to Rarity… who’s looking ominously in the distance
>She slowly points her hoof up in the air, telling you to look at what she’s seeing-…
>”Ponyville…”
>It’s covered in what seems to be dark magic, with also a ominous cloud hovering over it
>It looks like a rain cloud, but darker
>And more… purple
>Suits her, to be honest
>It doesn’t take much to know that Rarity is destroyed about this about this
“Twilight Sparkle is probably ruling over Ponyville with an iron fist right now.” You mutter under your breathe
>Er… Hoof
>She didn’t take your comment that well..
>”She wouldn’t do this… I KNOW Twilight… This is the work of… of Nightmare Moon! Or… Or someone else! I made Twilight her gala dress… I’ve known her for over a year now… She’s an element of HARMONY! Harmony doesn’t do this!”
“I sure hope you’re right, Rarity. Now come on, we need to keep moving.”
>”…”
>It takes a while before she moves her plot out of the sand
>”As long as it gets us to Ponyville faster.”
 
>You both start walking in the east aga-SHIT, RIVER!
>You catch yourself before falling in, and you make sure to catch Rarity by pushing her back
>…Now how the hell are you gonna get past this?
>You take out the map an-
>…You dropped the map
>Somewhere along the time where you were running for crazy-white-pone and running away from shadow-on-the-sand, it must of fell out of your pocket
>…WELL THAT’S JUST FUCKING GREAT, ISN’T IT?!
>…
“WHY THE FUCK DID WE DECIDE TO GO TO THE DESERT, AGAIN?”
>You can feel Rarity’s smug look on her face
>”Democracy decides, Anon.”
>…
>Fuck this place
>”Now, if we listened to /moi/, we would’ve been in Ponyville by now-“
“No we wouldn’t. We’d still be in Las Pegasus, bored out of our minds.”
>”Have you ever gambled before, Anonymous?”
“Okay, yeah, but gambling is so luck based-“
>”They call me “Rarity”, for a reason, darling.”
“Why? Because it’s a “Rarity” for you to win?”
>She scoffs, while holding a smile
>”Very funny. More-so, the opposite.”
“Have you even gambled in your life?”
>”…Well, no, I can’t say I have.”
>All you can do is chuckle
“Now, how the hell do we get over this river?”
>”How’d you get over the river before?”
>She’s right
>How DID you and Fluttershy get over the other river?
>…
>Oh yeah!
>There were train tracks before…
>Shit
“Well, me and Fluttershy walked over the train tracks that led to Las Pegasus.”
>”Why you didn’t follow the train tracks back to Ponyville, I’ll never know.”
>…Shit
>You could’ve done that, couldn’t you?
“Well, what do we do now? We both know that neither I, nor you can swim-“
>”I can swim! What makes you think that-“
“In this current.”
>”…Oh.”
 
“It’s simply too fast for us to not get wrapped up in.”
>Rarity facehoofs and looks at you with a look that gives off “Are-you-even-thinking-you-moron?”
>”Are you some sort of dolt, Anon?”
>You look at her with an unsure-type of look
“…No? I don’t think so, at least.”
>”I’ll build a bridge with my fabulous magic!”
>Ooooooh!
“Now why didn’t I think of that…?”
>”Because there are some things that need a mind that’s just as smart as Celestia’s.”
>The purple-maned unicorn quickly makes the bridge, and starts to walk across it
“Rarity, you know what I smell?”
>You start to walk across it as well
>”What is that, darling?”
“Bullshit.”
>”Hmph! You obviously don’t know Excellency when you see it.”
“I’d like to know where that Excellency is, Rarity, ‘cause it’s nowhere in sight.”
>You both walk at a steady pace over the river, soon crossing the bridge and starting to enter Appleloosa
>You start to walk next to her, instead of behind her
>”You must be blind, then, Anonymous. Because that Excellency is purple and white with FABULOUS all over!”
“Rarity, I’m pretty sure your mother isn’t here right now. And it’s kind of weird that you see her in that light.”
>”Seeing a mother as Excellency isn’t weird, Anonymous. Besides, I wasn’t even talking about that hick-“
“Woaaaah, somethin’ you mind tellin’ me, Rarara?”
>”!”
>The surprised look on her face tells a story all in it’s self
“Well?”
>”…Idislikedmyparents,alright?”
“What was that? Little too fast for me.”
>”I… dislikedmyparents.”
“One more time, Rarity?”
>She sighs and says it in the slowest possible way she could of, while gritting her teeth
>”I. Disliked. My. Parents. Got it?”
“One more time there.”
 
>You were just fucking with her now-
>”I DISLIKED MY PARENTS, ANONYMOUS! I NEVER LIKED THEM SINCE I GOT MY CUTIE MARK, AND I BARELY REMEMBER ANYTHING BEFORE THAT! THE ONLY GOOD THINGS THAT CAME FROM THOSE HICKS WERE SWEETIE BELLE AND MYSELF!”
>…
>Shit
>…You really didn’t expect anything like that from Rarity
>She’s seething mad, as you two have stopped for a second
>She snaps out of it, however, shaking her head and looking pretty guilty
>When she starts talking, you two start moving again
>”I-I’m… sorry about that outburst. That’s… not usually me, I promise.”
“I understand.”
>”It’s just that… Everything about them is so… revolting! I mean, have you even SEEN their fashion sense? It’s… horrid, to say the least. Plus, me and my parents have always argued about things. They would never let me wear the fabulous things I wanted to wear, and they absolutely HATED my passion for fashion, and for dress making. Even when I got my cutie mark! Can you believe that?”
>You solemnly nod, putting your hands in your pocket, walking causally like da kool kidz
“Oh, I know how it is, Rarity. …Well, okay, I don’t. My parents just ignored me.”
>”…Really? That just awful, Anonymous!”
“Oh, not really, Rarity. Their neglecting is how I met you, practically.”
>”Hm… I guess you’re-Wait, what do you mean by that?”
>Shit
>Change the subject, change the fucking subject
“So I hear you have a little sister, I presume?”
>”Hm? Oh yes, Sweetie Belle…”
>She sniffles a bit
>She really misses her, doesn’t she?
>”I hope she’s okay…” She mumbles with her eyes staring at the ground
>All you can do is look at her in sorrow
>You honestly feel bad for her
>It’s only you and her, now, as far as you both know
>She snaps out of her depressed funk like it was never there, and goes on to explain Sweetie Belle
>”Anonymous… Sweetie Belle is… Erm… Do you have siblings?”
>No
 
“Yes, why do you ask?”
>”Do you have younger siblings?”
>Fuck no
“Yeah, two. One boy, one girl. Again, why?”
>You know where she’s going with this, so you’re just going to lie to save time
>”Well, she’s like that younger sibling who you love to death… but… you almost hate because of how annoying they are.”
>Woah!
>You’re kind of shocked that she would even say such a word about her sister!
>…Of course, you think you can understand what she’s talking about, based on the show
>”I mean, of course I don’t hate sweet little Sweetie Belle… but she’s just annoying in that little sister way. You know what I’m talking about, right, Anonymous?”
“Mhm.”
>You just nod and smile
>”They’re just… Annoying. Like this one time…”
>And so, Rarity goes on to explain various times when Sweetie Belle has either messed something up deliberately, or on accident
>”And she had the NERVE to take the unnoticeable string out of her headdress! If she hadn’t helped me out and put the string BACK IN the headdress, then I would’ve been ruined!”
“Y’know that actually sounds like she saved you there.”
>”…Well, okay, that ONE time-“
“It actually sounds like everything you’ve said so far has turned into some good outcome, have you noticed that?”
>”…It has?”
“Yeah. Also, the time where she literally cleaned your room for you just sounded like nitpicking-“
>”HEY! My “mess” in my room was chaotically clean!”
“Sure thing, drama quee-OW!”
 
>Face first, you walk right into a tree, hitting your head and falling over, landing on your ass
“Ow…”
>You rub your head, as Rarity quickly crouches down to you
>”Are you okay, Anonymous?”
“Yeah, yeah… I’m fine. …Why the fuck is there a tree in the desert?”
>You and Rarara look up at the tree in confusion
>”Yeah… An Apple tree, no doubt…”
>Hmmm…
>”I bet Applejack would love this tree…” The white horse mutters under her breathe
>You pretend not to hear it
>You get up, with the white horse helping you
>The two of you walk to the right a few feet and…
>”Appleloosa…”
>A bright smile comes across yours, and Rarity’s faces
>”We’re here… WE’RE FINALLY HERE!”
“Yes! We’re THAT much closer to Ponyville!”
>The two of you look at each other, and simultaneously, yell “YES!” to the skies
>Twilight Sparkle, here we come!
 
End of Chapter 3