”Life is like a hurricane here in Duckburg”
>4th wall is a lie, the one behind it is, in fact, a raging homosexual, and you are Discord.
>Just Discord, no fancy titles like Lord of Chaos and such.
“Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes - it's a duck blur”
>After all these titles are given you by no one but yourself, and as such are mostly pointless.
>You are just Discord.
>And yes, you had to sing that particular song at this point in time.
>You might or might not know where it is from and what it means.
>But you know for certain that it's immensely difficult to get out of ones head.
>A nice and simple way to mess with someone.
>But as always you digress.
>The point is pointy, and it's a very interesting letter you just got in your mailbox.
>Amazing technology they are. Mailboxes. You always fancied the little flag popping up when you get mail.
>Even though it's not as often as you don't feel yourself comfortable to confirm liking.
>Oh boy that thought is a little bit too complex.
>Eh, whatever. You got mail and it's not spam, nor it is a letter from Fluttershy.
>You take a glance at a little stack of cans of spam. You'll need to do something about them eventually. Feed to the poor maybe?
>Feeding the poor to spam is out of the question, now when you are «reformed».
>For some reason you find this thought not only appealing, but also a little disgusting.
>Fluttershy would not approve.
>Where were you?
>Quite a lot of places frankly. The last time you visited Saddle Arabia they still had fun with...
>Whatever again.
>The letter.
>From her purplebuttness Twilight Bookworm Sparkle no less.
>Heh, bookworms were one of your amazing inventions. Even though the worms themselves are kinda gone thanks to pesticides - the name is left in the memories.
>But your thoughts stop running in wild squares as soon as you actually read the message.
>Instead of some kind of threats, a “checkup” request there’s something different…
 
 
>An honest request, (Yes, you can detect honesty. Being struck with elements several times definitely helped with that.) and almost a friendly style.
>You giggle to yourself quietly, amused by a strange question Twilight asked.
>A whole Chaos magic based civilization?
>What a concept. Truly amusing to see what they could have came up with, these “Humans”.
>Strangely enough you recall something in the air, and it’s not a bad smell.
>Like ripples on the water, reflected several times the word “Human” rings the faintest bell in your head.
>A bell connected to something truly truly chaotic in nature.
>But, you can’t quite put your claw on it. Nothing in recent memory, nothing in the memory archive you skimmed through.
>Annoyed you exit your memory archives building through a conveniently hidden door in your bedroom.
>This caught your curiosity.
>Now you need to pay a visit to Twilight.
>And meet Fluttershy again.
>Informing Celly would be a right thing to do... nah, you aren't under arrest or something. Now off you go!
 
 
>Boredom is a truly dangerous thing.
>It's a danger to one's morale, health, decision-making skills. And generally is not very fun.
>Your home library never had a lot of "easy" literature. Father kept a lot of study references and a number of classic literature. Your books are mostly read from cover to cover anyway. Still you aren't desperate enough to reread Dostoevsky.
>And yes, you are Anon.
>With a whole new world out there - games lost a lot of their wonder. It will come back eventually, but now you are tired enough of using your battlestation as a glorified calculator. That and it drains the power like a feisty manticore.
>And you have seen a feisty manticore. It was from quite a far, and from a tree, but even from the distance looking at a manticore in first perspective, not separated by a screen is fucking scary.
>You've spent two whole days hidden away after the apple incident, awaiting for Twilight's eventual visit.
 
 
 
>Things are speeding up and you will probably have to integrate into pony society faster then you expected.
>And it will be a little more complicated, now when two of the most athletic ponies don't really like or trust you all that much.
>In any way you work hard to finish everything you need before more ponies get to know about you... Especially Celestia.
>Hope Twilight can be trusted with not blabbering any more.
>The interdimensional portal is serious fucking business, friendly ponies or not – they aren't getting their hooves on the device.
>But you have a lot of time for a crystal to grow. Fortunately this process can not be speeded up by any means – the crystal have to grow naturally.
>Thus a box filled with a weird mixture of ingredients has to be buried and left untouched for quite some time. A year, maybe more.
>Why is it fortunate? Your dad was adamant about the process taking a long time, so wherever he is and for whomever he works right now he won't make the device operational for just as much time.
>As for the whole returning back to Earth thing – it's taken care of.
>A beacon, while impossible to install over distance (at least for now) was the first thing dad established on Earth to have a way of coming back in case something goes wrong.
>His next plan was to build an enclosed system around the device to kind of NOT DIE in case of being transported to a planet without atmosphere.
>Never had time to.
>You one more time think of your luck for coming here. It probably has something to do with yourself – as the only passenger. Your mind guiding the device to lock on a universe you know about.
>The choice isn't bad at all. Could have been something like WH40000 for instance (Accusation of techno-heresy and a horrible death).
>But then again. Ponies.
>Pondering over your fate never helped anyone, so you decide enough is enough.
 
 
 
>You have a couple months of research to make before you can safely disassemble everything and hide away as “one of dad's unfinished projects with no particular purpose”.
>Also have to bury dem journals.
>And the tank with the crystal.
>You decide that today is your vacation.
>And what's the better way to spend a vacation than to go play My Little Stalker - looting is magic.
>You always LOVED old and abandoned building.
>Factories, hospitals, rusted and half-flooded rocket shafts.
>You had no castles in your career though
>So it's somewhat exciting to visit the castle and loot some stuff.
>You already know the path towards it, it's marked on your mental map.
>Pretty sure you can avoid that serpent thing, and the bridge is hopefully still in tact. If it can support four ponies – it should support you. Especially if you go through it on all four, for weight distribution.
>Well, off you go then. A bagpack would suffice if you find anything particularly interesting.
>You can always return if you find a secret stash after all.
 
 
 
>The ponies in this town are still crazy and insufferable.
>Your friends took a responsibility to entertain you and hold you from all the “gloomy thoughts” by simply being annoying.
>They even have a schedule! And you suspect that it was done by Spike as the only one having the necessary skillset.
>The traitor!
>As if you don't have enough on your hooves – you now have to not only constantly participate in various activities but show with all your strength how much you truly truly love them.
>Sure, Rarity, I'd love to waste all afternoon posing for a new set of dresses Just For Me.
>Provided the designs are amazing, as always, you can't help but notice that they are easy-fit earth pony designs!
>Yes, you studied the history of costume, and even knowing nothing about style you know when a dress is made in a way it's easier for an earth pony to put it on.
>Without a horn.
>How considerate! And how utterly humiliating.
>Sure, Applejack! Let's have a cooking lesson! Nothing should go wrong if a pony who has no idea how to cook makes a dinner for the whole family used to your amazing pies!
>Yes, Rainbow Dash, staring at your corkscrews does not get boring after 3rd bucking hour!
>”Twilight you might want to eat your sandwich instead of flapping it around. I doubt it's going to talk anyway.”
>Oh snap.
“Eheheh, sure thing spike”
>You munch on a sandwich you were “talking with” unconsciously. Magic or no magic – some habits are deeper, on the ground level of your subconsciousness.
>Albeit, the sandwich definitely looked less of a realistic talker when animated by hoof.
>It's actually somewhat edible.
>Prompts to Applejack – after the pie fiasco she actually managed to teach you make a decent sandwich.
>Irrelevant.
>You have a whole day to yourself today.
>They FINALLY ran out of plans for you to participate in.
>Or it's because of you burning the schedule.
 
 
 
>You have a long way to learn, Spike, there is a reason why you always make several copies of important documents. And unimportant documents. And even shopping lists, really - don’t want to forget buying those apples again.
>Well with your immediate biological needs taken care of it's finally time to do some studying!
>A little pile of books on astrology is waiting for you eagerly. Oh you are going to read ALL about centaurs! Yes you will.
>You neatly position yourself in front of your table and rub your butt a little against the cushion to make yourself comfortable for a long reading session.
>And no surprise - a knock on your door is heard, and your audible groan is heard as well.
>Long ago you learned how to determine your friends by the knock.
>It's Pinkie if the sound of a thousand drummers is vibrating through the whole library.
>It's Applejack if the door almost flies off it's hinges following her powerful bangs.
>it's Rainbow Dash if you have to pick up the glass shards and re-shelve books when she arrives.
>Three timid barely audible knocks indicate Fluttershy.
>Oh well. They found something for you to do after all.
>No point pretending you are not home, you open the door.
“Hi, Fluttershy! And... Discord? What are you doing here?”
>”Hello to you too, my dearest Twilight! I was just visiting Fluttershy, a regular friendly visit, you know. Unfortunately at this very moment she is very busy with her pets.”
>”Umm... yes, Twilight, the bunny populace had a big fight amongst them, something really weird and I have to tend to them... And they aren't used to Discord yet..”
>”Ungrateful lot they are. Gave them such magnificent long striding legs - and now they detest me for it.”
>”Discord, what did I tell you about forcing your own agenda on someone who can’t resist?”
 
 
 
>”Yes, yes, that’s “Not very nice”, I remember. Anyway - Fluttershy is busy for several hours and so I decided to spend some time with you, Twilight. If you don't mind? Get to know you better you know. You wrote me a letter after all...”
>”Oh I'm so happy you two are getting together! I only wish everypony else can see how Discord is making omens for his past behavior.”
>You glance outside, seeing a Level 3 hazard panic mode in place in Ponyville, floor mats being swept inside, doors and windows shutting and couple unconscious bodies littering the streets.
“I'm sure they will come around. Eventually.”
>”So I will leave Discord here for now... If you are ok with that, Twilight.”
>Are you?
 
>Trying to find a reason to get a being of Chaos out of your house gets nothing. And he might have the answers after all.
>At least nothing you can safely say to Fluttershy without being an offensive intolerable being.
>Sure she won't say that, and probably won't think that... But her eyes will make you FEEL that.
“Eh, whatever. I'm sure we'll find couple topics to discuss.”
>”That is great! You two take care, I am going to run now... Bye!”
>With that Fluttershy whisks away, actually getting in the air (meaning a very serious rush).
>”So...”
>Discord leans into you with a suggestive smile on his face.
>Creepy.
“Uhh... So?”
>”Humans eh?”
“You know something about them?”
>”Not a clue.”
>Awww…
>”But… Where were my study glasses… Oh there they are. But as you can probably imagine I’m very intrigued by the subject. So I would gladly help us find out.”
>If you had something in your mouth right now you would have probably choked.
>You've just found yourself the most unexpected study-buddy.
>Isn't this great?
>”Don’t just stand there, Twilight, we have research to do! Now tell me everything you know.”
>Nope, it absolutely isn't.
 
 
 
 
>The castle was a lot. a LOT bigger than you've seen in the first episode.
>Partially in ruins, partially intact, the castle looks amazing.
>Mossy gray stone practically breathes “ancient”.
>The walls clearly show it’s defensive potential, even though there are a couple gaping holes in them. Dissipated with time, or broken through when Luna acted like a bitch - you can’t tell.
>There are also dirty and somehow completely intact, non-rotten doors, half-opened and leading into the darkness of a tunnel under thick castle wall.
>It almost looks like someone changed the doors recently, if it was not for the fact that the doors look incredibly dirty.
>Well the best idea is to go through the front gate - what's the point in searching for an alternative route into a deserted castle.
>As you push the doors they easily open without a scratch as if the hinges are oiled.
>You quickly jump through them, afraid of a pointy grade menacing above.
>Who knows at which moment the mechanism holding the grade will decide to give up, dropping a ton of sharp steel onto your head?
>You step inside the wall. A reasonably wide entrance hall is dimly lit by the light from outside and you can easily see massive amounts of dust under your feet. Nobody walked here for a long long time. Well, for a year at least, as you notice some not-so deep dusty tracks left by a small horde of equines.
>The mane 6? Probably. Nightmare moon was "defeated" quite a time ago and it looks like no one was interested in looking what’s inside the castle ever since. Or better say - since ever.
>More loot for you then.
>As you open a set of doors on the other side of the wall you enter a garden of sorts.
>By the mostly intact and non-transparent roof you determine that it wasn’t a garden before - and still a number of trees grow inside, breaking through the floor tiles.
>The sun shines through broken window planes revealing a nice picture. Calm, soothing, and lifeless.
 
 
 
 
>This particular part of the castle is more of a palace than an actual castle. Once you went through the wall - “sturdy and defensive” is replaced with “pretty and epic”
>At least it’s something there was before.
>As you walk down the massive halls of a castle you find a lot of stuff completely rotten away, and a lot of stuff intact and almost untouched by time, not counting the piles of dust on top of them.
>Some doors are completely rotten away, some chairs are intact, even with lace not losing its color.
>Preservation magic maybe?
>Seems like more pricey objects were preserved. Especially the books - which should have been by all means long gone and dissipate by sheer touch.
>Some looting should have taken place though.
>You can’t find a lot of small items of interest, no silverware, no valuable trinkets of any kind.
>Some pictures are there - but you think that a huge painting of some pony general would clash with your current living room decor.
>Tapestries are nice. Too big for you to carry though.
>You found couple old rusty pans in the royal kitchen.
>A single knife there
>But most castle rooms are deserted, with furniture either too damaged by time or too heavy to carry anyway.
>Two small golden chandeliers are your best find so far. Neatly stacked in your backpack they are already worth the hustle.
>You glance inside the library and grab a couple random books from the shelves in hope to entertain you with something… But unfortunately they are written in wingdings.
>Can’t hurt to take them as a valuable tradeable good with Purplesmart for her silence and information.
>A more useful find, though pretty strange in the library was a set of torches.
>Amazingly enough the first one you tried got lit without a trouble, giving a steady source of light instead of your phone.
>Conserving the batteries for the win, and now you can venture into darker inner rooms and corridors.
>As well as the basement, which hopefully holds something more fun than torture chambers.
 
 
 
>Five minutes later you find yourself in front of a well-decorated metal door in the end of the corridor.
>Closed shut, it looks like some kind of a vault.
>No handles, nothing looks like it would open the door at least from outside.
>The numerous engravings on the door however… Well can spend five minutes to test your luck.
>You set your backpack aside and put your torch against the wall to give you a good look.
>Crouching down in front of the door you start searching for some button or sliding part.
>At the same time you look at the well-crafted engravings, depicting the ancient history of Equestria.
>Ponies doing pony stuff.
>Celestia and Luna.
>Celly has a nice butt here and looks so lively on the engraving.
>Suddenly Celestia’s cutie-mark moves under your finger, and a stone slab you stood on flops down, dropping you into darkness.
 
>Hey, panicking organism! What are we going to do today?
>Scream?
>That's right! We are going to scream like a little bitch while tumbling down the dark tunnel somewhere underground! Isn't it fun?
>That actually don't sound like fun, but it'll have to do. Here goes:
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOAAAAA”
>Woah, you have amazing lungs there, mister.
>The walls around you turn and your freefall is replaced with an aquapark tube-like feeling of constantly being thrashed around.
>You can also not see a thing.
>Now when you have regained some sanity and caught a breath. How do you describe the overall implications of sliding through this tunnel?
“OH FUCK OH FUCK HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF FUCK PLEASE DON'T BE SPIKES DOWN THERE! PLEASE DON'T BE SPIUFFF...”
>A short flight later you finish the ancient roller-coaster ride sliding on the floor and smashing into a wall.
>A loud noise of grinding stone is heard and then the only sound is your moans.
>Well at least there are no spikes.
>And yet your ribcage might have suffered a fracture from the impact.
>You definitely have some bruises, but overall you are pretty lucky no appendages are broken.
 
 
 
 
>You didn't even hit your head which is also a great help.
>Don't want to have a concussion and blackout in the middle of a near-death experience in a spooky castle.
>It's always nice to think of something neutral instead of a single thought rising up and taking all of the available space in your head.
>YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON!
>Yeah, great idea, dimwit! Let's go to an old falling apart castle to get some loot! What possibly could go wrong! Oh boy lets just march down the halls never caring about trapdoors!
>Still silently chastising yourself is not helping anyone. You in the first place.
>At least your phone didn't suffer the fall.
>You quickly check the battery. The light from the screen is dim, but it's not draining the battery as fast as the flashlight.
>Assessing the surroundings you find yourself in a small closed room. The grinding noise you heard before was from a trapdoor you came through.
>It's now closed shut and no amount of effort can lift it up.
>In front of you is a door with a square hole in the middle. Everything is rock-solid because everything is made from solid rock slabs.
>Only the hole in the middle is surrounded with pitch-black metal with some engravings.
>There is a long hall behind this door as you see from the hole. You can easily fit your hand in, but as much as you search there is no doorknob from that side.
>Basically you are in a containment chamber.
>And as far as you think logically - such things open from outside by staff or guards.
>In a deserted castle no one visited for years.
"Do you want to have a breakdown?", - you sing a “Frozen” motive, clearly starting to have one.
Three hours later
>Weaving an impromptu lasso from what you have on you in the dark isn't easy. But a rope is always useful.
>For once if the switch you noticed on the hall's wall opposite from your door doesn't work - you can suffocate yourself, preventing the suffering of the death from starvation.
>But that's another thought.
 
 
 
>You finally managed to catch the damned thing. The angle of throwing was the worst you can have, and you couldn't properly see where you were throwing due to your arm taking all of the available space in the hole.
>But you caught it! Based shoestrings on the end, you are going to kiss them if you get out.
>You calm your breath and start pulling the rope very gently.
>The angle is weird and the lasso is trying to slide down from it but you don’t give up
>A little bit stronger!
>Just a little bit of leverage!
>As you struggle to pull down the lever a loud noise is heard and the whole wall turns around with your hand in it, dragging you along.
>The leverage is enough to pull the lever as well, and as soon as it’s pulled the whole corridor is suddenly lit with multiple torches on the walls.
>Shaped like pony legs. Of course.
>You are free!
>Oh god you are free!
>You happily jump around like an idiot, thanking all of the thirty or so deities you remembered while trapped in there.
>Another note - and this time a lot more clean and melodic is heard and a giant spear pierces the wall right in front of you.
>Oh. Right. More traps.
 
>You slowly creep near the wall looking at every stone, every wall slab for holes and potential pressure plates.
>Funny how most of the traps work at random - together with the sounds of organic music that get stronger with every corridor.
>You figured that if you don’t know where to go anyway - this would be a stable source of direction.
>A particularly difficult corridor is ahead. Traps work non-stop at a pattern, and a wall behind you just closed and is starting to heat up for some reason
 
>Couple jumps
>Step back
>Two step forward
>Three enormous axes swinging side to side in front of you aren’t a problem
>You are a freaking Indiana Jones!
>You press yourself to a wall to avoid the forth axe swinging down the corridor
>And fail to avoid a sudden fifth axe striking you square in the chest and pinning you to the wall as a butterfly.
 
 
 
>Welp. This kills the human.
>A soothing sound of organ is pretty appropriate now, come to think of it.
>It doesn't hurt all that much for some reason.
>Maybe the blade is too sharp to even feel.
>No, seriously,  how you are still alive. With a giant axe embodied...
>Wait...
>You look down to your chest where the blade is supposedly crashed through your chest
>And it's just... not.
>The blade is bent sideways, the whole system just holding you by sheer weight of the wooden shaft.
>As you hesitantly touch the killing device you find out it's not in fact metal.
>Rather it's something foamy and easily... breakable, you finish as you punch the axe, cracking the blade and releasing yourself, slumping down the wall.
>Your chest hurts a little from the impact, but it beats your guts in a bloody pool on the floor any day.
>So the traps are fakes?
>Or is it only this one?
>You walk back to another axe as it starts retracting to the wall.
>You kick it and sure enough the blade dents significantly, preventing the axe to go inside the wall.
>A screech is heard and the whole axe falls down to the floor as the nearest torch suddenly changes it's color to red.
>You see other devices retract to the walls, some broken, some completely intact.
>A couple of other torches change the colors to red, most certainly indicating required repairs or replacement parts.
>You just sit on the floor, contemplating the meaning of life and past fifteen minutes you spend on the edge.
>Got dammit ponies, you know how to make a good theme park.
 
>You just race forward down the hall disregarding any and all traps unloading left and right.
>You even man up and jump through a wall of flames
>You just cover your eyes while you run through a volley of blunt foam darts.
>They still leave a mark as they impact you - but you just want to be out of here as soon as possible.
>Another trapdoor jumped.
>Another serrated blade shoulder-smashed from it's hinges.
 
 
 
>Some magical field appears around you in a round room, sparkling now and again, crackling with energy.
>Your skin crawls a little and you feel a mite buoyant.
>Magical traps, huh?
>Looks like equestrian magic has almost no effect on you. Not the most safe way to find out, but it doesn't matter.
>You quickly cross the room and continue navigating the twists and turns of the castle underground.
>It stopped being scary a while ago, now the labyrinth is just annoying.
>And you hear the organic music getting louder and louder with every corridor you pass.
>And then the music becomes absolutely clear as you enter a humongous underground hall, dimly lit by a couple chandeliers high up, hanging from a gothic ceiling.
>The tapestries cover the walls, gobelins depicting ponies, coats of arms, and princesses attributicle
>An there is an organ in the very midst of all of it.
>A dark cloaked figure sitting in front of it, pushing huge pedals with its hooves.
>Dark hooves of a particular hue you’ve seen somewhere.
>"It has been a long time, my old friend."
>And the voice gives it away instantly. Excuse me princess!
>"It's refreshing to know that at least something is left in tact from before my... unfortunate period. This old castle. This organ."
>A low note reverberates through your gut and something in the distance crashes loudly
>"And one of my old projects. I did not expect a golem to reconstruct itself quite as fast. It seems I was quite skillful back then when I’ve created you."
>Right, a golem. Eeehh, you still need to get out of here, stalker. Just quietly go back through the door, while she is distracted...
>"Let me see how you..."
>Luna finishes her playing and turns around to see you quietly tiptoeing to a second set of doors.
 
>"Wait what are you? How did you get here?"
 
 
(Personally for the anon who asked for this. http://youtu.be/iKN--soHWNM?t=31s )
>You are frozen on your tracks, heart almost stopped with her admittedly very loud voice.
>Sounding pretty young and confused Luna's voice still has an indistinguishable feel of authority. Something a thousand year-old creature achieved through a sheer amount of years passed and experience gained.
>"Explain thyself! Trespassing into royal castle and sneaking onto the princess of the night is a serious crime!"
>Luna stands up and makes a few steps towards you.
>"Art thou mute? I can tell from the look in your eyes that you understand me. Talk or I will have to shake the words from you by force!"
>What do you say? What do ye do? Come on, think, think, think...
>Her horn begins to glow, her form seemingly growing in size and wings flaring.
>Shadows begin to gather around you, dark fog appearing from nowhere.
>No time for thougths! Running now!
>You turn on your tracks and leap towards the open doors, hopefully surprising Luna with your quick jump for a second and giving you a headstart.
>Two columns of black smoke smash into eachother exactly on the place where you stood a moment ago and you hear a loud shout in what is unmistakingly Royal Canterlot Voice
>"Stop right there, Diamond Dog scum!"
>Nope. Will see you next time, princess. You still need at least a month to finish the preparations - then you can hide everything about the device and research and safely integrate into the society.
>Getting caught today will be most unfortunate.
>Thinking is difficult on the run and you choose to concentrate on your performance as a smoky tentacle tries to snatch your legs.
>Jumping high and almost hitting the not so high ceiling of the underground corridor you avoid the immediate threat.
>Quickly glancing back you see almost all of the tunnel covered in black smoke, several long smoky appendages stretched towards you.
>No, Luna, smoke tentacle rape is not your fetish.
>Another tentacle shoots towards you flying overhead and trying to crush you from above.
 
 
 
>A jump to the side proves useful, as the tentacle crashes into the ground with a muffled thump.
>Well this proves that magical smoke is very much feelable.
>On one hand it's easy to run in a straight line, as you can dodge the tentacles without fear of smashing at a wall.
>On the other hand the smoke is gaining quickly, and you hope very much for any kind of...
>Yes! A set of stairs.
>You do a sharp turn, scratching your shoulder against a wall pretty hard, but the smoky tentacles fly past by, with the whole body of smoke following.
>Not for long.
>You hear a scream of frustration as you run up the stairs and the smoky mass returns and follows you.
>A door in the end of the set of stairs practically flies off its hinges as you crash into it, silently mouthing the only word that’s on your mind now.
“NOPE!”
>To be continued.