> Be Mac
> You heard a scream.
> A scream you’ve heard before.
> A scream of a very certain person doing a very stupid thing.
“This way, I know that voice.”
> You and the ponies rush down the hallway toward the vocalization.
> Damnit, Jack what have you gotten yourself into this time?
> While running, you take off your backpack, looking at your inventory.
> A pocket knife and half a map.
> Nice.
> You quickly locate the door, listening to what is happening within.
> Who’s in there?
> “Of course.” You hear Ahuizotl’s sadistic singsong voice from the chamber.
> Signaling Twilight, you stand aside as she revs her horn, blasting the door with a magical blast, knocking the door clear off its hinges.
> Dayum Gurl, u ain’t playin’.
 
> Be Twilight.
> You ain’t playin’.
> You’ve had enough of this shit.
> You lost a friend, you’ve been chased, starved, and imprisoned.
> All you want now is revenge.
> And a bubble bath.
> You’ll have your dragon bitchboy do that once you get back.
> As soon as the door leaves its hinges, you fire your horn up for another attack.
> Within you see two figures, one was Ahuizotl.
> The other you didn’t know.
> He was similar to MacGyver, but he wasn’t quite as fit, and he looked like there was a fuzzy caterpillar on his upper lip and was wearing a brown hat and jacket.
> He was also adorned with gold chains and rings on all his fingers like a pimp.
> For a second, he just looks at you, stunned.
> Then he calmly turns to Ahuizotl.
> “That is all for now. Please, leave me.”
> Smug bitch.
> You see the worry in Ahuizotl’s eyes, but he couldn’t say no without blowing his cover.
> Ahuizotl trudges past you, the look on his face a mixture of disbelief, anger, and “you-better-not-fuck-this-up-ism.”
> Walking outside, he closes the door.
> You know he has his ear against it, hearing everything you say.
> As soon as the door fully shuts, Mac turns to Jack.
> “Jack, I…I don’t even know where to start.”
> ‘Jack’ keeps his serious posture and straight face.
> Mac walks over to him with the look of a parent scolding their child.
> “Jack.”
> Mac stands toe-to-toe with him.
> “What”
> ”Did”
> “You”
> “Do?”
> Jack loses his composure and starts laughing.
> Rainbow is laughing too.
> Those two pranksters have too much in common.
> “We’re gunna be rich, Mac.”
> Mac rubs his temples and starts chanting “why, why, why” under his breath.
> “Calm down Mac, my boy, this is the greatest opportunity this side of the border.”
> Mac looks at him, as if it would get worse, before speaking.
> “What’s your plan this time?”
> “That big blue baby just keeps giving me gold. So here’s the plan: you pretend to be my captives for Mr. monkey-dog out there, then when he heads out, we grab the loot and bail. Poof. We’re rich. Rich beyond our wildes-“
> “Jack! Jack, Jack, what are you thinking!”  
> “I’m thinking we’ll be rich beyond-“
> “I heard you the first time.”
> “So… you’ll do it?”
> “No! You and I are going to get out of here, and we are going to have a long talk about you never leaving your house again!”
> “B-but, Mac, surely you aren’t going to miss out on this wonderful opportunity. Just give it a shot…”
> Mac turns and walks away, shaking his head the whole time.
> You can’t put off the question any longer.
“So… you aren’t a demon bent on destruction of Equestria?”
> “Of course not,” Jack said, his eye twitching slightly.
> Must be an allergy.
> Mac returns to the conversation.
> “What your talking about is thievery, we can’t just take someone’s money and run.”
> Flim and Flam could learn a lot from this guy.
> “They stole it first! Those artifacts are public property, and since we’re part of the public, those are technically ours to begin with!”
> He is clearly grasping at straws.
> Mac Start up with his chant of “whys,” then turns around and buries his face in his hands.
> That was when you saw it.
> You were looking at Jack.
> It was only an instant.
> Just long enough to register it, but short enough that you question whether it even happened.
> But his eyes.
> Dear Celestia, his eyes.
> They glowed with a blue aura, and the pupils were catlike.
> Purple smoke radiated from the edges of his eyes, similar to Sombra’s.
> He looked straight into your eyes.
> Then he was back to normal.
> “Something wrong, small purple horse?”
“Ummm, no. Nothing.”
> Must have been your imagination…
 
> Jack looks around at those in the room.
> “So, Mac where’d you find this lot? A dog and pony show that ran out of dogs?”
> “Ahuiztol ‘introduced’ us.”
> He looks around.
> “Well, I’ve seen weirder. I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Jack Dalton, flier extraordinaire.”
> This get’s Rainbow’s attention.
> “Ha! You? Wait, how can you-“
> “I got the sweetest baby you can imagine.
> “You HAD the sweetest baby you can imagine,” Mac corrects.
> “Minor damage, I can buff out those scratches [spoiler]in 10 seconds flat[/spoiler].”
> Mac looks out the window at the meteorite.
> “Sure you can.”
> “So what’s up with the horses? I don’t remember calling in the cavalry.”
“We’re /ponies/.” You correct him, “I’m Twilight, and that’s Rainbow Dash…
> “Sup,” She says.
“…and Rarity.”
> “Charmed.”
> Jack nudges Mac’s arm.
“Three mares, odds are good, buddy.”
> Mac looks like he was ready to punch Jack in the face.
“Let’s get back on topic. What are we going to do now?”
> “Well, since Ahuiwhozit is still out there, perhaps we should try to get out from here?” Jack starts up.
> “I’m glad you finally came to your senses and left that nonsense behind you.”
> “Anytime, buddy.”
> Mac looks around.
> The room was fairly large, with an altar to one side, and a large window to the other.
> It still had bars on it.
> Who the hell built this?
> You go and look outside.
> The room is roughly 200 feet off the ground, but the Everfree forest sprawls out before you.
> “So… What do we have to work with?” Mac says.
> You all split up, scrounging for whatever you can find.
> “Hey, look at that!” Rainbow says, pointing upward.
> The ceiling was crisscrossed with pulleys and ropes, in a sort of rigging system.
> The area around you was littered with large rocks.
> Ha! An Idea!
“I have an idea! What if we tie the rope to the metal bars and the pulleys, then load the other end with rocks until the bars break?”
> It’s a decent idea!
> “That requires that the bars will break before the pins in the pulleys, which I don’t think is the case.”
> Well, fuck you too, MacGyver.
> “What we need is a lot of force delivered instantaneously.”
> Rarity, who was still out looking for supplies, calls out from behind a rock outcropping.
> “Would this do it?”
> You all rush over.
> A compressed air cylinder, hooked up to a bunch of valves and pipes.
> “Yes, that would do it.” Mac says, going to unhook it from the wall.
> We just need to launch it at the wall, get out.
> And get a hayburger.
> Gaddamn.
> Your mouth is watering already.
> And your dreams are promptly crushed when Mac looks up, shaking his head.
> It’s empty.
“Oh, come on!”
> “How are we going to get out of here now?” Rainbow asks.
> Mac stops, and although you have only seen it a few times, you can see the gears in his head turning.
> “Rainbow,” He says after an awkward silence, “Get me as much rope as you can from the rigging and tie it together.”
> “Yes Sir!” Rainbow makes her best salute, something she has gotten better at due to her lusting after the wonderbolts, then flies off to the ceiling and starts untying stuff.
> “Rarity and Twilight…”
> Your ears perk up at the mentioning of your name.
> “Start unscrewing the valves from this system of pipes. I need two check valves, the connector to the tank, A T-connector, and two one-meter pipes.”
“Consider it done!”
> You and rarity start using your magic to unscrew the valves.
> “Hey Mac, don’t forget about me, what do I do?” Jack calls.
> “Give me your shoes.”
> “What?”
> “Your shoes. Then just sit there and – please - don’t do anything stupid.”
> “C’mon, when have I ever done something stupid?”
> Mac gives him one of the worst looks you can imagine him giving.
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oh0xiw6YdsA
> Jack takes off his shoes and hands them to Mac, who begins ripping out the laces.
> Mac then proceeds to take off his own shoes, then takes the laces out of them as well, then tying them together.
> What is he up to...?
> He looks around the area, and pulls up a large knurled stick and a large rock, easily 10 lbs.
> He starts cutting notches into the stick and tying the shoelaces to them (to prevent them from slipping, perhaps?) then wrapping his 6 food shoelace chain around the rock and stick, securing them together.
> “So what’s that? Some sort of makeshift sledgehammer?”
> “Something like that.”
> You and Rarity finish removing the pipes and valves, and float them over to Mac, while Rainbow works the rope.
> Mac had put down his club, taking one of the pipes from you and running over to a pile of scrap metal, testing a few metal bars until he found one that fit perfectly into the pipe.
> It looked like the base of a floor lamp, as the bottom had a large flared base.
> He then ran over to you and started screwing together parts.
> “I love watching him do this,” Jack whispered into your ear.
> He secured one of the meter pipes to the left side of the T connector, then one of the check valves to the right side of the T, facing inward, and the other to the bottom of the T, this one facing outward.
> He secured the other meter long pipe to the regulator on the tank, and attached the other end to the outward facing check valve.
> “Hey Jack, what’s in your pockets?”
> He reaches in, and pulls out…
> A rubber band.
> How is that going to help?
> “That’s perfect, you’re a life saver.”
> What!
> How is he going to save the day with a rubber band?
> “No problem, my boy.”
> He wraps the rubber band around the end of the lamp pole opposite the flange, forming a sort of ring around it.
> He slowly inserts the long rod into the open ended pipe, the rubber band forming a sort of gasket, making it airtight without impeding movement.
> He puts the whole assembly upright, with the flanged rod pointing upward, protruding from the pipe.
> “Ever played baseball, Jack?”
> “Once or twice.”
> Mac Hands Jack the club.
> “Batter up.”
> “It’s been too long, Mac.”
> Jack holds the club above his head, and brings it down on the flanged head, forcing it into the tube.
> Mac pulls on the head, the valve on the bottom letting air in while the other did not let the tank depressurize.
> Jack drops the hammer again, then pulls it up.
> You look at the regulator.
> 10 PSI.
> He was manually pumping the tank!
> Son of a bitch!
> “Keep at it Jack. Let me know when it gets to 150 PSI”
> “You got it!”
> “Rainbow, how are you doing?”
> “Just fine, just a few more knots.”
> It was really an interesting sight.
> Mac had totally taken command of the situation, and he was overseeing the whole process.
> Without much to do yourself, you had taken to helping Jack hammer the rod, and the needle slowly climbed.
> It’s Going to work! You’ll be out of here in no time!
> Your stomach growls.
> But not fast enough.
 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUo8DxtsEtk
> Be Quetzalcoatl.
> Why?
> That was the thought on your mind.
> Your body lays in coils in the center of the locked room.
> You have long since extinguished your flames, but some of the feathers on your body still show signs of burns.
> Moonlight streams through the window, casting shadows on your shame.
> You have tried many times to escape.
> How did your life go so wrong?
> You were the maker, the creator.
> But you cannot escape a simple room.
> You look to the antimagic ward that has held you for so long.
> Your eyes widen.
> Its gone.
> Before you have a chance to plan your next move, your large serpentine eyes catch motion.
> You transform into a pony again.
“Hello?”
> You were above anger, but not above annoyance.
> After all you have been through.
> What now?
> A small frog jumps from the rubble around you, brought down by your thrashing.
> It was the same frog the blue mare had taken from the pond before you tried to grab her.
> It ribbits.
> Your annoyance instantly fades.
> Frogs were one of your favorite creations.
> They were small, nimble, loyal.
> But this particular frog was special.
> It had somehow found its way to this room about a month ago.
> He was your only company.
> You had the ability to speak with animals, as well as all your children, but you had lost that power when Ahuiztol had imprisoned you.  
> You maintained your telepathic link to the other ancients, and they informed you of the dire situation of the world, despite not being able to assist.
> Civilizations.
> Deforestation.
> Hospitals.
> Schools.
> So unnatural.
> Disgusting.
> You look to your amphibian cohort.
> And, for the first time in years, you attempt to communicate with a non-sentient creature.
“Hello, my child. I apologize for frightening you.”
> It looks to you, but no response.
> This was a bad idea.
> You look like an idiot.
“I wish to have your name, and, if you allow me, your companionship.”
> It sits, unmoving,
> Then, suddenly, it slowly opens its mouth, and it responds.
> [spoiler]“YO! Howz it goin’ homie?”[/spoiler]
> You recoil.
> Not the response you expected.
> “Sup, I’m Cueyatl, The master, the commander, the maddest gangsta this side of Equestria! BOOM”
> The frog lifts his front legs as if talking into a microphone, then, on the last word, rotates on his back legs, as if he was about to fall backwards, but catches himself mid-fall.  
> Is this what frogs these days are like?
> How long have you been in here?
> You can’t help but chuckle at his antics.
“Well, Cueyatl, you certainly have a strong sense of self esteem.”
> “Thanks bro, that means a lot to me.”
> He sticks his front foot out, as if he was expecting you to do something.
> A few awkward seconds pass.
> “Oh, come on, don’t leave me hangin’ man.”
> You awkwardly put your hoof out, and gently tap his foreleg.
> He sighs and shakes his head.
> “That was some weak shit son. I better help you get it together before you get your shit bashed up at a club.”
> He wot?
“Thank you. Perhaps you can tell me, what has become of your realm?”
> “My realm? You mean that lake outside of ponyville?”
“Is that where you hail from?”
> “Yea, that’s my crib. I got 7 – count ‘em – 7 bitches down there, with over 60 tadpoles...”
> He leans in, a smug smile forming on his face.
> “…each.”
> You stare at him.
> “I know what the ladies like.”
> This frog.
> You have a special place in your heart for frogs, but this one, while disrespectful and completely belligerent, was actually a pleasure to be around.
“My powers slowly return, but I may be able to offer you a gift in return for your hospitality.”
> Walking to the mucky pond that you two had shared for the last month, you reach into the putrid water.
> Channeling your magic again, the pool is cleansed.
> “Wow, that is some voodoo shit right there.”
> An immaculate pond lays before you.
> With one pollutant.
> Reaching into the water, you drag it out.
> A mass of bones and yellow and black fur mixed with pale red gore.
> It was hard to tell exactly what it had been.
> Cueyatl speaks up, breaking your train of though.
> “Man, I saw you gut that yellow bitch like a fish, that was some straight-up ghetto shit. You have my respect.”
> He taps his foreleg on his chest, before making some cryptic, seemingly random symbols with his hands.
“It was a shame. Such a dissenter. She was simply a victim in the way of progress.”
> “What do you mean?”
“The blue mare.”
> “That hoe? Dawg, she called me ScaredyMac. I don’t even know what that shit means and I’m offended.”
“She was meant to die long ago, but it has yet to keep up with her. This…”
> You gesture to the corpse, which was mostly broken bones.
“…character attempted to save her from her fate. While I had no plans of taking the life of this yellow equine, her benevolence was her downfall. She was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
> “I’m no shrink, but that sounds like an excuse to me.”
> A tear comes to your eye.
> The irony was overpowering.
> You, the immaculate vision of power, a god, were being lectured by a frog.
> And he made a valid point.
> You wracked your brain for reasons for her demise, only to come up empty.
> But still, your anger – NO! YOU WERE ABOVE THAT – your annoyance rose.
> Ponies, who had long since been your protectors, were cheating life itself.
> This was just one of many who would pay dearly to reset the balance of the universe.
> You created the sun and the trees and the ponies and the grass.
> And you were going to destroy it all.
> You were going to make them pay.
> You were going to make them all pay!
> And you were going to do it with their own kind.
> You put your hooves over the bones, and they began to spin and reform.
> Sockets connected.
> Bones snapped.
> Wings made of the very wind itself formed.
> The skull glowed with your dark magic.
> What was once a pony was now a Tzitzimitl, a cursed agent of your bidding.
> “You sure this is a good idea?” The frog inquires.
“Good or bad, it must be done.”
> You charge up as much magical energy as you can.
> You burst it forth, destroying the wall between you and the forest of the Everfree.
> For the first time in ages, you can see beyond your chamber.
> The wind whips at your face.
> Its time.
> Your bones break, and you reassume your serpentine form.  
> You bend and prepare to take to the air, your servant in toe, when you hear a voice behind you.
> “HEY! Don’t you forget about me, Nigga! I’m coming too!”
> The frog jumps onto your back, and climbs to your head.
“It is too dangerous, young one. You should stay behind.”
> “What is life but danger and adventure! Besides, you probably need me to protect you, don’t you?”
> He smirks.
> “So, we gonna kick some pony ass or just sit here like a frog on a bump on a log?”
> You smile.
> Frogs were always your favorite creatures.
> But ponies…
> You will make them pay for their destruction.
> Nature will rule again.
> Harmony will be restored.
> Civilization, and everything that threatens the world order will perish.
> You look to your ethereal servant, and then take to the skies with a mighty screech.
> All.
> Will.
> Burn.