Contains slob, and is better read for laughs than for faps
From http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/16439408
>Alarm goes off
>I wake up
>Shower
>Brush my teeth
>The usual morning rutuine
>About to leave
>There's a letter that was slid under the front door
>Pick it up and read it
>It's from the travel agency I work at
>Everyone was off on a paid leave for the next couple days.
>Apparently the office has been shut down today due to a tragic accident when a couple zebras tried to use us to move dangerous chemicals out of the country
>Fucking Ziggers
>Anyway, I had nothing to do now.
>Wasn't tired, and I was already up, so I might as well do something
>Well, I did have some errands to run.
>It's still a work day after all.
 
>It's all done
>Cleaned out the fridge, watered the plants, went out and bought more lightbulbs and a present for my sister for her upcoming birthday.
>It's mid afternoon and I was getting a little hungry
>Decided to get something to eat
>Went to this burger place I've never been to before
>Ordered a burger and a shake
>Order came up
>Some purple bitch came and swiped my burger
>What the fuck
>Probably some misunderstanding
>"Excuse me, Miss, I think that's my b-"
>It's Princess Motherfucking Twilight
>It's best not to say anything
>Eh, I should cut down on the burgers anyway, and the shake is probably filling enough
>I sit down at a nearby table and enjoy my drink
>Glance over and see the princess
>Oh man
>The Princess is stuffing her face with my burger
>Literally shoving as much of it inter her mouth as she can
>I can hear her breathe from here
>She's happily grunting and panting while she "eats."
>She finishes mine, lets out a loud, quick, burp, and moves on to the next sandwich
 
>Her mouth and surrounding regions are completely covered in catchup and grease
>Empty wrappers litter the floor
>As she devours the helpless foodstuffs, the Princess gets progressively louder
>Other people in the joint start to stare, but don't dare say anything
 
>Miss Sparkle pours the entire bag of fries into her gaping mouth even though it's still packed with burger
>She swallows and immediately moves on to the next
>and the next
>and the next
>She leaves her drink for last
>She slurps up half of it, and splashes the rest on her face to cool down
 
>The room is completely silent
>Everyone in the room is frozen in place, watching her trot to the line in front, completely wet and panting
>Twilight walks up to the mare at the counter, pushing aside the other ponies in her path
>She takes a moment to catch her breath and says
"Hello, I'd like 7 double-double daisy burgers and three large Apple Colas, please."
>The poor mare writes down the order, trying to avoid eye contact as best she can
"Y-yes, your highness."
>She disappears in back for a moment or two before emerging with Twi's sizable order
>The princess's face lights up as she uses her magic to carry the food back to her table
>The elegant royal's snorts and wheezes are even louder than before
>The crowd watches in horror
>Twi's chair starts to creek under the enormous weight
>She's at least three sizes bigger than she was when she arrived
>She looks down with a worried expression on her face when she notices the chair's legs starting to crack in several places
>She adjusts her seating accordingly
>She majestically struggles to climb up onto the table while still holding most of her food in one hoof
>This effort takes at least five minutes, and another five minutes were dedicated to trying to breathe again before resuming her meal
 
>She was now lying down on her back on the greasy, sticky table
>Most of her drinks have been spilled onto the floor
>The fur on her belly is matted with sweat and dry sauce
>From this angle, it hardly resembles eating anymore
>Now it just looks like she's rubbing the grub over her face and hoping some of it lands inside her mouth
>She doesn't have very good aim
>Twilight moans with pleasure as she continues to massage herself with the crushed burgers, accidentally getting a piece of tomato stuck in her mane
>Most ponies are trying their hardest not to vomit
>Mothers cover their children's' eyes and get up to leave
>A few fillies are hiding under the tables, crying softly
 
oh boy here we go
 
>The princess finally stops gorging and sits up
>Something's wrong
>A subtle choking sound is heard
>A minute or two passes with twi doing nothing but sitting there and panting
>The surrounding ponies think the worst is over
>They were wrong
>Sparkle suddenly vomits, painting the floor a putrid, greenish-brown
>It keeps coming out
>She sprays the entire restaurant like a hose
>The disgorge sent waves crashing into nearby tables
>I was completely covered in it
>It smelled
>Oh Celestia it smelled
>My eyes stinged and I reached for napkins to wipe them
>But all my napkins were soaked in the hot goo
>I forced my eyes open and tried to find a way out
>What I saw was worse than what I smelled
>The entrance was blocked, as too many ponies were trying to leave at one time
>Pony after pony were trampled to death by the mob
>Mothers weeped over their children, whose legs were crippled in the initial impact of the vomit
>Pegasi were huddled together near the ceiling
>While still regurgitating, the Princess regained activity and continued to force food down her esophagus, regardless of how much it spewed out
>I ran up to the front counter, getting sprayed by more discharge in the process
>I tried to find the employees, surely they'd know of a back door
>It was too late
>The five ponies who worked there had already slit their thoughts with kitchen knives to save themselves the suffering
 
>Somehow they knew what was to come
>The princess was done vomiting
>She got up from the table that had shattered under her mass
>She Waddled towards the counter in my direction still munching on what she had left of a burger
>The ground shook and the floorboards broke
>As she shimmied to the door that led behind the counter, her rolls of fat moved back and forth like trees in a forrest swaying in a hurricane
>She made it to the door but it was much to small for her
>She could only fit her head in
>But this didn't stop her
>She pushed and shoved and the doorway crumbled apart, making just enough room for her to squeeze in
>It was a tight room
>Her horn almost scraped the ceiling
>I tried to catch her attention by yelling and waving at her but I was drowned out by the screaming near the front door
>I moved quick to make sure she didn't step on me
>The bodies of the dead employees were crushed under the enormous whalebone
>She was headed straight towards the back where the pre-made burgers were kept warm
>She squealed gleefully before digging her head into the pile of fast food
 
>I watched as she swallowed each of them whole
>She let out a belch that shattered the windows and my eardrums
>I winced in pain and tried to escape her line of sight as she struggled to turn around
>The refrigerators were her next victims
>She attacked them with the force of a crazed war elephant
>She washed it all down with all the condiments she could find and the entire soda machine
>When she was done she searched desperately for more
>she sighed
"Well, I guess I'll have to go someplace else for my forth course."
>Twilight tried to leave by climbing over the counter
>It fell like a card tower as soon as she got up
>She shouted as she fell down and hit the ground
>The force sent her tumbling down, and rolling towards the door
>She started to pick up speed headed right for the crowd
>They noticed to late, and fell like bowling pins under the Princess's royal blubber
>The blood and guts of panicking ponies showered the walls and the rolling whalepone broke through the front door leaving a gigantic, gaping hole where the entrance used to be
 
>I stood in shock, trying to take in what I just saw
>The royal guards arrived, and took me in for questioning
>I explained to them in detail what I saw
>After a long interrogation, the let me go
>Made me swear not to tell anyone, and to keep it top secret
>Came up with a couple empty threats to keep me quiet
>I went along with it
>Trouble with the guards is the last thing I need right now
>Sent me home
 
>Couple weeks later
>I call up my sister, wish her a happy birthday
>We chat a bit
>She mentions her party
>"A party? You never told me about a party."
"Yeah, I know. It's kind of a last minute thing. You don't have plans, do you?"
>"Nah, I'm free. Where is it?"
"It's at this neat burger joint in town. They just re opened. I heard their double-double daisy burgers are amazing."