Episode 9: What’s New Pussycat?
 
(Scene one opens inside of Rarity’s apartment.  She stands in the center of the living room. Norman and Brad are on the couch and Sweetie Belle is on the floor playing with Opal.  We join the scene with Rarity in mid-conversation)
Rarity: So you see Darling, this weekend’s cat show is a perfect chance for me to show my beloved Opal off to the world.  With her perfect manners and exquisite coat, she is sure to win best in show and give us an opportunity to go to nationals.  Plus it will be a perfect chance to do some advertising for the boutique.
Norman: Right, but what do I have to do with it?
Rarity: Simple Darling, I wish for you to come with me and assist me on getting her to each ring.
Norman: Well, she seems well trained.
(As he is saying this we see Sweetie playing with Opal, she is growling ominously, when Sweetie turns to grab a toy, Opal swings a claw at her lopping a little bit of her hair off, she then turns to Norman with a “You’re Next” look)
Norman: Eep! (Laughter)
Rarity: Well thank you Darling.  I would bring Sweetie but she and her friends are going camping this weekend.
Brad:  Well, perhaps I will tag along.  This sounds like an interesting event.
Rarity: I’m sorry darling, the General Admission tickets have been sold out for quite a while now, the only way in is to be an exhibitor or vendor.
Sweetie: It’s okay Brad, (batting her eyelashes) You could always go camping with us.
Brad: (backing away, to Rarity) Any chance I could dress as a cat and go with you instead. (Laughter)
(Cut to the Hallway as Brad and Norman are walking)
Brad: I’ve got to get into that cat show.
Norman: Why are you so jazzed about it?
Brad: Think about it, Norm.  If a girl like Rarity is going, then imagine what some of the other girls showing cats will be like.
Norman: No!  Applejack has told me what happens when you let a wolf into a henhouse. (Laughter)  You being unable to go to the cat show is probably for the better.
Brad: Well, theres no way I am getting to at this point.  I would need to find a cat and enter myself.  Its not like there is any way that could hap....
Norman: Oh no, you’ve stopped....(Panicking) you’ve thought of something haven’t you? (Laughter)
Brad: I think I am going to enter the cat show.  
Norman: Just where do you plan to get a cat so soon?
(Brad and Norman turn to face the door next to them in the hallway, it has butterflies on it)
Norman: Are you crazy?  You’ll never make it out alive.
Brad: (Pulling out a package from his jacket and giving it to Norman) This was my grandfather’s bible.  If I should never return I want you to give it to my family. (Laughter)
Norman: You can’t!
Brad: Norman, sometimes a man must suffer great pain to reach the fields of valhalla. (He grabs Norman and hugs him) (Laughter) Now get out of here before you get pulled in as well.
Norman: (Running away with tears in his eyes) I’ll never forget you! (Laughter)
(Brad takes a deep breath and knocks on the door...a few seconds pass before it opens quickly and he is pulled in and the door slams shut)
Brad: Eep!
Fluttershy: (Sultry V/O as we see the closed door) Meow! (Laughter to end the scene)

(Scene 2 opens with an exterior shot of the Canterlot Convention Center.  A large glass and concrete building.  The sign out front advertises the Canterlot Cat Show.  We go inside and see Norman walking with Rarity carrying Opal in a cat carrier)
Norman: So, let me get this straight.  There are ten rings and Opal will visit each one.
Rarity: Right.
Norman:...and at each ring she will be judged.
Rarity: Yes.  For purebreds they are checked according to certain rules that conform to each breed.  Tail length, angle, how pointy their ears are.  Even a small difference and cause you to lose points.
Norman: Wow...so this is serious then.
Rarity: As a heart attack for some of these people.  Of course, Opal here is a household pet.  They judge them more on friendliness, playfulness, and general health.
Norman: Ah, so this division is a bit more laid back then.  
Rarity: Correction: This division was a bit more laidback, before we showed up. (Laughter)
(They get to their section of the hall.  Rarity lays out carpeting inside of the cage that Opal will be staying in.  While all the other cages nearby have a carpet square or two and some toys, by the time Rarity is done, it looks like Opal has a small hotel to herself) (Laughter)
Norman: Gosh...I hope they give us enough warning to get to the ring...we may have to send a search party just to find her in there. (Laughter) Rarity?
Rarity: Yes, darling?
Norman: Did you say playfulness is part of the score?
Rarity: It is.
Norman: Ah. (We see Opal sitting in her area, she looks genuinely bored with all going on around her.)
Norman: This could be a problem then. (laughter)
Rarity: Nonsense, she just needs to get used to her surroundings.
(Norman looks at the empty cage next to theirs)
Norman: I wonder who our neighbor is.
Brad: That would be me.
Norman: Brad!  You survived!  The prodigal son returns! (Laughter)
Brad: Yeah...it somehow all worked out in the end.  I had to roleplay as a mouse though...(Laughter)
Norman: (Looking at Brad’s carrier) So who’s your friend.
Brad: (Opening the cage door and holding the carrier door to it.) Funny you should ask, Norman.  I give you: (The small kitten from the Find a Pet song wanders out) Braddicus Finch. (Laughter)
Norman: (Cringing so hard he has to sit down) Wow....he’s...he’s pretty cute.  
Brad: Yeah, I was thinking of calling him magnet but that seemed to blatant. (Laughter)
(A little feedback is followed by a voice over the PA system)
Voice: Household pet division to Ring 1.  Numbers 912-922 to ring 1 please.
Norman: (Looking at Opal’s 920 card and Braddicus’ 919) Guess that’s us then.
Rarity: (Picking up a less than thrilled Opal) Here we go Opal.  Your time to shine!
Opal: (Growls) (Laughter)
(Cut to a scene where we see Norman, Rarity, and Brad watching the judge pick each cat out of their cage in the ring and checks them out.  He pays attention to their coat, feels their bones, and then plays with a feather in front of them.  He gets to Braddicus.  He is very playful.  He gets up on his hind legs to play with the feather on a stick.  As he is returned to the cage, he nuzzles the judge)
Audience at cat show: (And Audience in general) Aww...
Rarity: Oh...he’s good. (Laughter)
(The Judge pulls out Opal and puts her on the table.  Rarity gets a nervous look on her face.  He checks her coat and pets Opal.  There is a small growl.  He then puts the feather on a stick in front of her.  She does nothing. (Laughter) He swizzles it in front of her, still looks bored (Laughter)  He goes to touch her...)
(Quick cut to everyone in the front row of the ring covered in blood with looks of shock on their faces)
Judge: (Offscreen) Mother of God!!! (Laughter)
Rarity: This could be a problem...(Laughter to end scene)

(Scene 3 we see Norman and Brad walking through the vendor’s hall as they have a little time off)
Norman: This isn’t going well.
Brad: Tell me about it, The average age of most of the women here must be in the fifties...(Laughter)
Norman: Rarity’s cat hasn’t won a single ribbon.  Opal obviously doesn’t want to be here.
Brad: What was your first clue, the part where she seemed generally bored or the part where she has a larger body count than Jason and Freddy combined? (Laughter)
Norman: I always thought that the squirting thing as just something you saw in the movies. (Laughter)
Brad: Tell you what, Norm, I’m going to go to the exhibitor’s lounge.  I’ll meet you there.
Norman: Alright. (Brad breaks off.  Norman continues walking around the vendor’s hall.  He walks past an alleyway formed by two of the tables.)
Mysterious Voice from the Shadows: Psst!  Hey kid!
Norman: Who, me?
(The man comes out of the shadows.  He is around Norman’s age, blue skin, blue hair, and a green headband.)
Norman: Wait a minute, didn’t we go to Highschool together?  You were with those tree huggers yellow used to hang out with.
Blue: Oh yeah!  You’re the racist.
Norman: I am not a racist!  I am a melting pot of friendship! (Laughter)
Blue: I hear your cat is having some problems.
Norman: Yeah...Rarity is pretty down about that.
Blue: I have something that might help her out. (He holds up a small ziploc bag of ground green plant matter)  This is some top quality stuff.  Primo if you will. (Laughter)
Norman: So...you want me to get Opal high? (Laughter)
Blue: Nah man...this is nip....good nip...she’ll be playful in no time.
Norman: So you do want me to get her high. (Laughter)
Blue: For you, I’ll give you this eighth for only 10 bucks.
Norman: Well...if it will make Opal do well...(We see grainy black and white footage on a screen complete with projector sound effect.  The screen reads: Norman’s Innermind Theater.  It is like a silent movie with Opal winning multiple ribbons and Rarity hugging and kissing Norman. Black background with white words: Rarity: My Hero!) (Laughter)
Norman: (Pulling out a ten dollar bill) Sold!
(Cut to Brad in the Exhibitor’s lounge.  He sees Cloudkicker sitting reading an issue of Cat Fancy)
Brad: Finally, someone my age.  Bradical! (Quick cut to Norman leaving the Vendor’s hall and collapsing while cringing) (Laughter)
Brad: (Sitting at a table with Cloudkicker) Hey.
Cloudkicker: Hello.
Brad: Glad to find someone my age at one of these things.
Cloudkicker: Agreed.  You can only talk to so many people before you begin to fear that crazy cat woman may be your future occupation.  So how has your show been?
Brad: Not bad.  Braddicus has been sweeping up in the household pet division.
Cloudkicker: (Suddenly Indignant) Oh...a household pet person...how quaint.
Brad: I beg your pardon?
Cloudkicker: (Pulls out a professional portrait of a persian cat) This is Kingfisher’s Catch Fire...my cat.  We picked him up from the cattery when he was a kitten. He cost our family $5,000.  His mother was the 1999 Grand Champion.  So was his grandmother.  I’m guessing you found your mutt in a barn.
Brad: (Getting up and angrily walking away) Yeah...well...at least Braddicus isn’t imbred, won’t die at the age of 10, can properly breathe, and doesn’t need a bib to keep himself clean when he eats! (Laughter and cheering)
(Cut back to Norman and Rarity at Opal’s cage)
Rarity: Well, her final ring is in 5 minutes.
Norman: (Holding up a catnip mouse) I bought her a new toy for good luck.
Rarity: Thank you, darling...I’m afraid she’s going to need more than that. (Puts the mouse in the cage)
(Opal stares at the mouse and nuzzles it a bit...then a bit more....zoom in on her pupils which begin to dilate) (Laughter)
Rarity: Wow...she really likes that mouse.
(Opal is now playing with the mouse like a kitten.We go inside Opals head and see what she sees.  Everything is tie-dyed and multicolored.  All the people around her including Rarity look like talking ponies...except for Norman who is still normal.) (Laughter)
PA Announcer: 919 to ring 10 please.
Rarity: Come on Opal. (Picking her up)
(Cut to the ring where we see Opal playing with the feather, rolling over, and letting the judge pet her tummy. (Audience: Awww!))
Judge: I hereby award the Ring 10 Blue Ribbon to Number 919, Opal!
(Rarity hugs Norman, tears in her eyes, proud of Opal.  They look into each others eyes and start to lean toward each other)
Judge: Pending her mandatory post-show drug test of course.
Norman: (Turning toward the judge) Eh? (Laughter to end scene)
 
(Post Credits scene opens in Rarity’s apartment)
Rarity: Who’d have known that catnip was a banned substance. (Laughter)
Norman: I’m so sorry...thanks to me and that stupid mouse, Opal got disqualified.
Rarity: It’s okay, darling.  I had a good time.  Plus, Opal’s name will always appear in the record books for a ring win.
Norman: Yeah...shame it will have an asterisk next to it. (Laughter to end episode)
 
Next Episode: #10 Pushing Buttons