Original post by OP below, the rest was my own doing:
 
> "What the hell is up with you and th- these colorful hor-*URP*-Horses, Morty? It's seriously weird, Morty! You jerk off WAAAAAY too much to 'em, Morty! It's gon-- Gonna lead to some SERIOUS *URP* developmental issues, Morty! I-I-III- IMEAN it's just plain SICK, Morty! It's sick!
So he- Here's.... Wha- here's what we're gonna do, Morty, we're gonna use my Portal Device, and-and we're gonna go there, Morty, We're gonna go there! *UURRP* so that.. So that you can fuck one, Morty! We're gonna do it, an-and get it outta your system, Morty! Outta your system! This.. This isn't me being nice, Morty. This is a... This is a one time thing, Morty! One time thing, so you can get liad, and get it... Get it outta your sys- system, Morty!"
 
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Over there Morty, look!
>Uh..listen Rick, about the ponies-
Just look Morty! Look at that mmmmURPjestic creature.
>Uh yeah, that's uh...that's Rarity, Rick.
Rrrrrarity. My god, even the name speaks of pastel princesses and hot young boys, Morty. I can see why you'd like that.
>K-Knock it off Rick! It was just that one time! I mean jesus, I-I-I bet you did it to some strange things too, once!
>Wh-wh-what are you trying to say Morty? Of course I beat the weasel to the strange! I-UUUURP I even build a fuctioning woman, out of pipe cleaner, a cardboard tube, and science Morty. That's all-That's, that's all women are Morty! It's all women and bright colorful horses are! Cardboard tubes to put your weiner in! Jus-Just go over and poke her tube Morty! Do it Morty!
 
>Jeez Rick, I-I-I didn't think that went so well..
Nonsense Morty. YouUUU did fine. You know I bet she's already running off to pat her little canoe man already.
>Eww Rick no. She screamed and ran away. You know I-I don't think they've ever seen a human before.
Don't worry Morty. It's jjjjuUUUst something you learn to deal with. N-Not everyone is cut out for relationships. Y-You're just gonna be one of those 40 year old fat guys sitting in basements spanking their chincilla alone.
>Well gosh Rick, that's pretty harsh.
I'm obviously kidding here Morty. Y-You won't make it to 40.
>W-What!?
40 Morty is not in the cards, let me tell ya.
 
I gotta hhAAAnd it to you Morty, w-when you pick your target for Morty Junior, you really know how to pick them.
>Rick can we just go please? I feel very uncomfortable with all these stares.
We're pioneers Morty. The first huuUUUUmans to set foot in a world of talking animals and simple colors. Y-You know the indians stared at the first white people in America, right?
>I-I think the term is african americans-
Yep, they gave those white supremacists the same look these horses are giving right now.
>Uh, R-Rick? That one is in armor. I-I-I think it's a guard.
Oh snap, this universe has the heat Morty. Run Morty run! Y-You don't want to gOOUUU to prison!
>P-Prison!?
It's horse prison Morty! Y-You did biology right? Y-Y-Your anal cavity isn't built to withstand the kind of soOOAAap dropping horses do!
 
>Huff..whoa...that was pretty close, huh Rick?
YOooOOu're telling me Morty. Jus-Justy to clarify, never go to horse prison if you can help it Morty. They play a meeeaaan game of hide the horse penis.
>Um Rick? Th-There's something over there.
Real observant Morty. It's just a dog. You remember what dOOOg looks like?
>Rick! I-It has a pony!
Wow, a cowboy pony! This universe just got reeeal Morty. Now, you go over and poke that pony like UUUUncle Rick showed you.
>Y-You didn't show me anything! S-S-Stop pushing!
You can do it Morty! Go and poke that pony Morty! Show her that little Morty mean BUUUUsiness! J-Just lie back and t-think of that girl you like, Morty! It'll be fine!
 
>Oooh...Uuuugh....O-Oooh.
Wow ok Morty. I didn't want to have to say this, I mean I wanted to but I didn't because you're a first timer, but you reeeaaally need to work on your game.
>Ooouughgh...
I mean, I-I was just enjoying the show alright? I didn't need to see violence Morty. This isn't an R rated universe Morty. That pony probably never saw blood before in her lAAAAIIfe Morty.
>uUhghgh.
Yeah that's what being kicked in the face feels like Morty. Y-You gotta hand it to cowboy, she knows how to kick.
>I-I-I-It huuuurts Rick...
Wow I never would have guessed Morty! I-I-I may be OOOOold but I'm not deaf ok?! I-Its not like you swallowed most of your teeth either so don't complain ok?
>Ooouuhghg...u-u-u-uhhh...
So uhhh, I-I don't wanna spoil the moment here Morty, but when she turned around, and did that kick? Did you get a good look? Did you Morty? Did you get your first shot at your first hatchet wound?
>Riiiiii-ck...
Okay fine jeez! Wait r-right there...
 
There, some liquid stem cells from a baby to stop your baby face from bleeding all over the ground Morty.
>W-Wooow...thanks Rick.
Don't thank me yet MoOOrty. You see, I had to get the stem cells personally. I had n-no choice but to go to a dimension, where babies grew on trees. Trees Morty! But then I realised, I had no jar to collect the cells, so I had to come back here and buy one from a store.
>W-w-wait a second, you came back here??
I was pressed for time Morty! Y-Y-Your stupid whines messed with my head, and I needed a jar s-soOOO bad Morty. D-Do you know how expensive jars are back on Earth? P-Papa Rick doesn't have that cash lying around!
>Oh my god Rick. W-W-Were you spotted?
Of course I was spotted Morty! I'm a huge f**king human stomping around horseland! I got the jar and got the cells. W-W-W-W-What more do you want from me Morty? B-Busting my ass, saving your teeth? A-And AAAAAll because you couldn't pork the pony properly. And you didn't even see her vag-
>Rick, look!
OOoooh snap the fuzz. Run again Morty! Horse prison Morty!
 
>Wow Rick. T-This is a pretty scary forest, huh?
Y-Y-You're really setting the bar low for this universe Morty. This forest isn't scary. I mean l-l-look over there.
>W-wow. Uh, what is that thing?
It's a manticore Morty. I-I-If your history 'teacher' hasn't told you about manticores yet, then, well I-I just have s-s-sEEErious concerns for the American education system.
>Uh, Rick?
Manticores and h-horse prison Morty. Important life lessons y-you should be aware of.
>Rick!? It's coming this way!! W-W-We need to find Fluttershy quick!
Fluttershy? Jesus the writers didn't spare a-any expense did they? W-W-We should drop in on S-Snuggletickle and P-P-PrincessProstate next.
>Rick t-this is serious! We need Fluttershy to calm it down!
Relax Morty! T-T-There's no way this universe would crEEEate a deadly manticore.
*ROAR*
Oh my gooOOOD MORTY!
 
S-S-Seriously Morty.
>W-what Rick?
Seriously. T-That's your pony crush?
>Whaaa-what are you talking about?
C'mon Morty I wasn't drunk yEEEEsterday. Y-Y-You were totally eyeing up that horse.
>She saved our lives Rick. She's a good pony.
Uh huh. Maybe you should go over there and reward her with your tiny carrot. WUBALUBADUBDUB PONIES AND GENTLEMEN
>Stop it Rick. Y-you know, that's not even funny.
Screw you Morty, I-I-I get plenty of laughs from guys I know. Y-You should just go and poke that pony so we can get out of here.
>Oh man. P-Poke Fluttershy?
Just relax! For crying out loud, just tell her you'll cum on her AAAAAAss if she's worried.
>Wh-what!?
>Just go! Poke poke poke Morty! Oh, a-and don't get your Morty juice in her hair ok? H-How's anyone gonna brush that crap out, I ask you?
 
Well?
>Well what?
Poke Poke Poke?
>Oh shut up Rick.
C-C'mon Morty. Just tell me how it went. Spill the beeeeaaans Morty.
>I-It was fine ok? C-Can I just got back to school now?
A-Alright alright fine. You know I-I just hope fulfilling your horse fantasy was woOOOrth it.
>Y-Yeah. Ha-ha-haaaa...
I'm serious Morty. Y-You know I don't wanna come back here right? This place is a mess. Violence on the streets. Wild AAAAAnimals off their leashes. Ponies that will let just a-anyone cum on their ass.
>Jeez, Rick!
W-We're not coming back alright? Decision is final. Alright?
>...Fine.
Urgh. Look, maaaybe when you're e-e-eu-OOOlder, and you have your own portal device, you can come again, alright?
>Wow, r-r-really?
Well sure, I mean if she's let you do it once she's got no sc-scruples about you doing it again.
>Yeah...yeah I guess so. My own portal device, huh?
Yep, uUUUUncle Rick promises. R-right on your 40th birthday.
>Heh....wait...