>You are Anon, revered by crazies, disliked by the nobility.
>Upon arriving in this foreign land, you tried to settle in best as you can.
>Main targets: Get house, get job, get friends/acquaintances.
>Easier said than done, seeing as there are no monkeybros around.
>All the intelligent creatures are p0nies.
 
>3 years later.
>You have a small house 5 minutes outside of your average town, named P0nyville.
>It's a quaint place. You have a few friends there.
>Working as an B-list actor had paid off, even if you weren't so well known.
>After being spotted by a designer in town who had also happened to be designing the costume for a horror film somewhere locally, you were ALMOST thrust into the limelight. Almost
>Now, every mediocre budding director in Equestria wants to make horror films, starring you as the 2-legged terror, towering over every creature.
>As such, quite a few p0nies want to get to know you. The teen fillies in Phillydelphia adore you, while the adult p0nies of Canterlot put up with you.
>They have no time for such, “common” films.
>It has no effect on you anymore, the Canterlot residents have their heads up their flanks.
>Even so, the repetitive manner of each film you do tears away from the “message”, if there is any at all.
>It's degrading, demeaning, debauching, but it keeps you going.
>Your friends Twilight and Spike poke fun at you with each new half-assed title you release.
>You put up with it though, you know it's a joke. Character building and all that crap.
>However, you don't visit P0nyville much, and as such you miss a lot of serious events that occur.
 
>Given you have a lot of free time between films, you often offer to do odd jobs around P0nyville when you're there.
>Today was no different. You observe p0nies going about their regular business. Your effect on them has long worn off, most of them knew your name and face already.
>You spot one p0ny, one so flamboyant that you don't even need to get a good look at her to know who it is.
>Her magenta explosion of a mane curled and twisted in so many different directions, it was hard to tell what shape it was.
>To call Panka Po a surprising sight is an understatement.
>This whole mess had started about 6 months ago, when you finally met her for the first time in Twilight's home.
>Of all the p0nies you have talked to, she is definitely the most outlandishly insane.
>You just know she wants you to star in some sick fetish film.
>The amount of times she's begged to “become your super-best-friend” is beyond horrifying. It's sheer madness.
>You know better though.
>You know she wants to defile you, to ruin you, and just to add insult to injury, direct and film the whole disgusting ordeal.
>There was something she was hiding, and a couple of p0nies in town you talked to said they could feel it too.
>Whenever you brought it up to Twilight however, she always sighed, and muttered under her breath the same 3 words every single time.
>“Not this again”.
>She didn't know of Punka Pie's plans.
>Her filthy, sordid plans.
 
>Throwing over your cloak, in an attempt to look like your average p0ny, you try and sneak past on all fours.
>It's unconvincing. No p0ny in all of Equestria wore trousers like yours.
>Or walked as clumsily as you.
>Ponke Pai has picked you out from the crowd. Even on market day, you aren't safe from her bloodthirsty eyes.
>Boing. Boing. Boing.
>That noise is the most terrifying sound you can hear.
>You get up from your four-legged stance, pushing away from the ground as hard as you possibly can.
>Her voice suddenly grates at your ears, the proximity catching you off-guard.
>”Oh, Aaanon! You playing another game of tag?”
>You can't even think of what to say.
>Letting out a pathetic wail, your legs begin pounding the floor behind you.
>Bolting around a corner, you see the pink menace bounce past the alleyway with a keen smile on her face.
>You have to get to Twilight's library.
 
>Slipping out from your hiding place, you check every single crack and crevice around the streets to make sure that colourful devil isn't waiting to pounce on you.
>The coast is clear.
>Twilight's treehouse was practically in arms reach.
>Or, in relation to the distance you had just ran from Pank.
>Pulling over your hood again, you attempt to slide between all the p0nies going back and forth.
>There's too much noise, though. You don't like it much. There'd be almost no way to tell if Pinkie Plonk was sneaking up behind you.
>Remembering that, you twist your neck round in a flash, jerking it in a painful way.
>You idiot.
>Twilight's library, at last.
>Your knuckles rattle at the door, but there appears to be no-one home.
“Spike? Twilight?”
>No answer.
>You turn to face the rest of P0nyville. A wise decision.
>Not far from where you were previously, Pinkae Pu skips through the crowd as though they aren't there.
>She's heading straight for you!
>No time to call for help, or even check if Ponk's seen you.
>You slam yourself through Twilight's door, the wood splintering you all over.
>Pain surges through your entire body.
>It's better than being hatefucked by that demon though.
>You rush into one of the many rooms in your friend's home, desperate for a hiding place.
>Barricading the door behind you with Twilight's desk, you finally let out a sigh of relief.
>It was too soon for that, though.
>In front of you is Penka Po.
>Her whole face contorts into a ridiculous grin.
>To anyone that didn't know the real story, it might've sparked feelings of warmth and happiness.
>But you know better. You know the real Pink.
>Struggling to puff out any words, you almost manage a sentence.
“How... you... in here?!”
>”Did you not see the other door? Silly!”
>The other fucking door.
>How could you not have seen the other fucking door?!
>This is the end. She's got her hidden camera at the ready, you're sure of it.
>She probably even has a machete at hand, prepared to butcher you up once she's done violating you.
>All there is to do now is prepare yourself.
>You've had a nice life. Everything changed when you came to this weird place, but even then there wasn't anything to complain about.
>And maybe you're just not destined to break out of ordinariness and finally hang with the A-list actors.
>But, it's all okay. Your life has been okay.
>And now it was going to end.
>Just as you see Ponko reach around behind her, you slam your eyes shut and prepare for the worst.
 
>...
>Nothing.
>What is going on?
>You dare to open one eye slowly.
>In front of you isn't the “before” shot of a crime scene.
>Instead, there's an enormous cake with your name written on it.
>”To Anon”.
>And it looks... delicious.
>Never before have you been so perplexed.
“What the hell is this sick plot you've devised?”
>She flings out her arms in an agitated yet playful manner.
>”Uh, hello? It's your birthday!”
>Your birthday?
>You idiot.
>A supposed psychopath could remember your birthday,  but somehow you had forgotten.
>Unsure how to respond, you say the first things that come to mind.
W-wow... T-thank you...?
>”It's okay! Spike told me you needed some cheering up after that whole incident with Photo Finish, so I made it especially for you!”
“So... that's it? No poison, deadly blades or a multiplex of other horrors await me?”
>She tilts her head, her countenance frowned.
>”No, why in Equestria would you think that? I just wanna be your super bestest best friend ever!”
>All of that time spent in fear, wasted.
>Hearing those words now, after all this time somehow reassure you.
“I... had never considered the idea that you were serious...”
>”You should've asked somep0ny about me! I don't wanna hurt you!”
>Letting out a puff of air that had been trapped in your chest, you relax.
>You might as well give in.
“Well, Pinkie... I guess we can be friends.”
>She leaps across from the room, attacking you with nothing more than a bear hug.
>”THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!"