>>Anon hungers
>>It has been so long. Longer than you know
>>You only speak with the ponies because of an incantation Twilight cast on you so long ago
>>Without it, you cannot speak to or understand pony tongue
>>But it did nothing for your ability to read their squiggly line alphabet
>>The Equestrian calender is useless to you, and you will be damned if you ask Twilight to teach you how to read
>>You're a grown man
>>And you have a desire to consume meat
>>Ever since day one, you have had to settle for vegetables and pastries
>>Sugar and fiber only go so far
>>And Salad... you are TIRED of salad
>>FUCK salad
>>You HATE it
>>Celestia help you if Twilight finds out what you are doing
 
>>You creep through the Everfree
>>Armed with a hunting knife that you crafted yourself
>>You whittled a wooden handle, and a blade of flint
>>They were secured with a tight wrapping of twine
>>Roughshod, rudimentary, but you are confident you can kill with it
>>As you creep through the morass of vegetation and darkness, you can hear the sleepy sounds of the wild
>>Very few ponies must ever venture out here
>>But that's okay. Just means more for you
>>It is then that you hear a familiar sound
>>Cluck cluck cluck
 
>>You freeze, clenching your knife
>>Hunting was never your thing. In fact, you've never done it before
>>But by Celestia, you are hungry. So hungry.
>>Cluck cluck cluck
>>There it is again. You weren't imagining it.
>>Silently you creep towards the sound, trying to be sure not to make any noise
>>There is a twig. You step over it
>>Low hanging branch; you get on all fours and slink under it
>>You crawl through a bush, which rustles as you pass through it
>>God damnit, you've given yourself away for sure, now
>>Alas, when you can see through to the other side, you see a chicken
>>A big, fat, beautiful chicken
>>Just like the ones from your world
>>You love chicken
>>It might not be red. You might not be able to cook it so rare that you can feel the blood dribble down your chin as you take sustenance from its lifeless corpse
>>But it's not a fucking muffin, and it isn't a fucking salad
>>You can hardly wait
>>The hen jabs its beak into the ground
>>Cluck cluck
>>It turns its back from you
>>Now's your chance
>>You pop out from the bush
>>You are covered in mud, cuts, and foliage tangled in your clothes and hair
>>This place was by no means easy to negotiate
AAAAAAAAAAAH!!
>>You give the mightiest warcry that your lungs can deliver, raising your knife over your head
>>The hen glares at you, not suspecting this, and then bolts
>>B'GAWK
>>But you have no intention of letting it escape
>>You lunge from your former hiding place and chase it down
>>Your knife swings through the air
>>There is a crazed glint in your eye
>>No one, no THING, will deny you this meal
>>This chicken will die, but its sacrifice will feed you
 
>>You have no choice. Without the fighting circuit, your bits are dried up for the season
>>You are broke
COME HERE
>>As if the thing can understand you
>>B'GAWK
>>You raise your flint hunting tool
I GOT SOMETHING FOR YA!
>>You close the distance with it and slash, but the ball of fluff and feathers drifts over it like a balloon before falling down
>>You trip and fall into the mud
>>But you are Anonymous, Celestia damnit
>>You will not be denied
>>You get right back up and continue the chase
>>The bird thinks it can evade you by rounding a thick tree
>>You resolve to make a KFC bucket out of this damn thing
>>Like a crazed maniac you round the tree, and you run smack dab into a figure
>>A hooded figure. Short, with sinister greenish yellow eyes that peer out from the veil of darkness at you
>>Oh shit, Jawas
>>You stop in your tracks and freeze
>>Alas, you still have the knife above your head, thinking you were going to be finding a chicken
>>“Goodness me! Who invades my property?”
>>She takes a step forward
>>You take a step back
>>You lower the knife somewhat, but she notices and her glowing eyes shoot wide before shrinking
>>“...For your trespass, I will have your ass!”
>>She rears up on her hind legs and emits a terrible screech
 
>>You are filled with an overpowering fear that causes you to turn tail and run
>>Your foot slips, and you spiral down into a ravine
>>You bounce off of the ground
>>Cut through a patch of wild thorns
>>And then find yourself rolling into a river
>>The dark abyss clouds your vision, but you breach the surface and grip a log that is floating down stream
>>A breath is taken
>>You look back where you fell, the current is carrying you away from the hooded horror
>>Cluck cluck cluck
>>You turn your attention to the log that is serving as your life raft, and you find the chicken you had been chasing
>>Confident, you bring your knife up from the water
>>You grin with sinister intent
I got you, now
>>It is just then that the growing sounds of rushing water overtake your lust for foul blood
>>You halt your murderous advance and look down stream
>>Horror grips you as you approach a waterfall
>>Abandoning your desire for protein, you look frantically for something to grab on to
>>A low hanging vine passes over you, and you rocket your hand towards it to anchor you against the current
>>Your grip is faltering
>>The log somehow got stuck to your trousers
>>The connection is under the violent current, you cannot free yourself
>>You clench your knife in your teeth and grip the vine with your other hand
>>The situation is stable. Now you need to make headway
>>Cluck cluck cluck
>>The chicken bounces off the log and crawls up your back
>>It bounces onto your head and waddles up the length of your arms
No.
>>The knife muffles your voice
>>It is woefully ignorant of its situation, and yours
You wouldn't.
 
>>It violently pecks your thumb
>>Your hand leaves the vine out of reflex
>>It violently pecks your other wrist
NO!!
>>You lose your anchor, and manage to grab the chicken between your hands before you are carried off by the current once more
>>You spit the knife out
>>At first I was just hungry! But now I think I'll kill you out of principal!
>>But before you can do that, you reach the periphery of the waterfall
>>Gravity takes over
>>You tumble
>>The sound of rushing water muffles your screams
 
>>How long have you been out? Celestia help you
>>Your eyes crease open
>>You are half buried in a bank of mud on the base of the fall
>>You groggily awake
>>Your knife is nowhere to be seen
>>Your pant's leg is torn, and you are free from the log
>>You are sore all over
>>Cluck cluck cluck
>>Your focus shifts to a hen bouncing around in the mud bath
>>You... son of a...
>>You struggle to get up on your feet, fire in your eyes
>>You are lost, you have no idea where you are
>>The sun is almost down
>>But by Celestia,
>>Tonight I dine on poultry!
>>You bring up your arms and claw your fingers leaping at your prey
>>It floats up from the ground, and you land face first in the mud
>>It lands on the back of your head and bolts towards the water
>>You are quick to recover
>>You are hell bound to have fried chicken
>>The river at the base of the fall is populated by floating logs just like before, and the chicken skips along them to get to the other side
 
>>You follow
>>You leap on a log, but it isn't a log
>>It has teeth
>>It snarls at you
>>You find yourself looking down the maw of a crocodile, holding its jaws open with your hands
Shit, shit!
>>You normally don't use such colorful language, but the others close in
>>The chicken bounds away, unhindered
>>You throw the crocodile in your hands out of the water
>>One approaches you, and you rear your right fist over your head and give it a sock in the snout
>>But this isn't a problem you can solve by punching it
>>Multiple crocs grip into you with their teeth, and you are dragged under the surface
>>The chicken comes back, as if to see what has happened to its pursuer
>>Cluck cluck cluck
>>It cants its head to one side
>>B'GAWK!
>>Your hand emerges from the surface, and you pull yourself up onto the bank
>>You bleed, profusely
>>Leeches feast on the buffet of your flesh
>>You have bite marks all over you
>>They took your shirt, leaving you with a bare chest
>>You look down on the bird with stone cold hatred
Run.
>>The hen takes your advice and bounds off
>>You emerge from the water, with a croc still latching on to your leg
>>The pace of your run shakes it off
>>The hen floats over a log, and you follow like an Olympic triathlon
>>Your arms swipe closed once you are in range, but once again it just barely flutters from your grasp
>>But however much it runs, you will be victorious
>>You will have your dinner
 
>>The chase goes on for what seems like an hour
>>Over the hills, through the woods, and into open ground
>>But it tires
>>You don't
>>You are Anonymous
>>You dive forward
>>Your hands reach
>>You grab it
 
>>B'GAWK
>>You laugh like a maniac
Hah
Hehe~
HAHAHAHA!!
>>Your pupils shrink, your mouth wide
>>You hold the hen up high as it screams and writhes
>>You have beaten Equestria! You have obtained your goal
>>You suddenly yank the fat bird down to chest level and slouch over it, your eyes wicked and your teeth bared like a crazed animal
You!
You... are... MINE
I will not forgive, and I will NOT forget!
>>Suddenly a voice calls to you
>>“Oh, Anon~!”
>>You snap out of it
>>Your surroundings suddenly come to you
Huh?
>>Fluttershy trots up to you, happy as can be
>>“You found my cute little chicken!”
>>Fluttershy raises her hooves and pulls it from your hands, leaving an empty void where the chicken once was
>>You shed a tear
>>“Oh, Roxanne... you know better than to run off like that!”
>>Fluttershy scolds, and the hen happily glides over to the gen house out front like nothing happened
>>Your lower lip quivers uncontrollably
>>“Oh, Anonymous, you look awful!”
>>Fluttershy gazes at your wounds, your torn and absent clothing
>>Wingboner engaged
>>You are far too upset to notice
>>Fluttershy takes your hand and guides you further in to her property
>>“Come on, I'll be happy to fix you up a salad.”