>You are Pinkie Pie.
>And you have just created the BEST. NIGHT. EVER!!!
>Anon was going to LOVE his first birthday in Ponyville!
>Everything was perfect!
>The streamers!
>The confetti cannons!
>And ALL the games!
>But your masterpiece was the cake!
>Never have you gone all out like this on someponies cake before!
>But this was Anon we were talking about!
>The bestist, nicest human in Equestria!
>You had spent months planning this cake!
>You asked him all about his favorite cakes from back on Earth.
>He told you about some place called “Nothing Bundt Cakes.”
>Apparently it was his Sugarcube Corner.
>You had thought you narrowed down his favorite flavor down to two but then he threw you a curveball!
>So you just decided to bake him a seven layer, extra special, super duper, ultra wonderful, mega delicious, most tasty cake ever!!!
>He was going to have the time of his life tonight.
>And it was all thanks to you.
>Pinkie Pie!
 
>You are Rainbow Dash.
>And you have just created the WORST. NIGHT. EVER!!!
>Anon was going to HATE his first birthday in Ponyville!
>Everything was perfect!
>The shock buzzers!
>The flour in the confetti cannons!
>And ALL the pranks!
>But your masterpiece was the cake!
>Never have you gone all out like this on someponies cake before!
>But this was Anon we were talking about!
>The scummiest, jerk human in Equestria!
>You had spent all day planning this cake!
>You knew Pinkie Pie asked him all about his favorite cakes from back on Earth.
>He told you about some place called “Nothing Bundt Cakes.”
>Apparently it was his Sugarcube Corner.
>Whatever, you just knew this was supposed to be all his favorite cakes.
>So you just decided to set up pop caps, each layer filled with a different color!!!
>He was going to have the worst time of his life tonight.
>And it was all thanks to you.
>Rainbow Dash!
 
>Be Anon, again.
>You spent ALL day trying to find Derpy and Rainbow Dash!
>Well you stopped after lunch.
>You just figured RD she was busy practicing or whatever.
>And you probably missed Derpy so she must have gone home.
>Stupid cloud houses!
>You went home after getting lunch back at the café.
>Mr. French said he’d keep a look out for both Pegasi.
>You had to shower and get ready for your party.
>It wasn’t until six, but you had spent the morning running around town and felt pretty dirty.
>When you get home you take your shirt off and realize that you were much sweatier than you thought.
>Now that shower seemed more appealing.
>You decided to grab a drink before heading upstairs.
>Good old milk!
>Link would be proud.
>You make your way up the stairs.
>For some reason each step felt harder than the last.
>Man, you were tired from just that little running?
>’You need to start working out Anon’ you think as you get to the bathroom.
>You turn the knob and push the door open.
>You go to the bathtub and turn on the faucet, the thought of standing up for much longer just made you even more tired.
>The warm water started flowing and you plugged up the drain.
“In you go suds!” You say, pouring your favorite bubbles given to you by Rarity.
>They were amazing!
>You didn’t even have to wash your body.
>You just had to sit in the tub and let the bubbles fill up with the water, cleaning you on the way up.
>Or at least that’s what you think she said.
>You can’t remember too well right now.
>In fact.. you can’t seem to do much of anything right now.
>The bubbles were getting higher and the water was toughing your thigh now.
>You sank into the suds and relaxed.
>Your mind started to wander.
>You don’t remember seeing Fluttershy in town today.
>You thought on your birthday she’d be trying whatever she could to convince you of birthday sex.
>But she was missing too.
>’What’s up with girls with wings today?’
>…
>You bolt up in the tub!
>Apparently you had fallen asleep.
>Damn, that could’ve been bad!
>You could’ve drowned in there!
>You splash some water on your face, its only about chest deep, a couple of inches from the rim.
“Huh”
>You don’t remember turning off the water.
>You can’t seem to remember a lot of things today!
>Wait..
>Did you lock your door?
>You look around the room for your towel but can’t seem to find it.
>Suddenly the edge of your towel appears floating in front of your face.
>You stop.
>It’s hanging from above you.
>You seriously hope that your house in haunted because the alternative is even scarier!
>You close your eyes and look up towards the ceiling.
>You stop when you think you’ve reached an appropriate height.
>Slowly, you open one eye, and you think you’re going to lose your mind.
“God damnit!” You yell.
>Fucking Fluttershy is floating above you holding your towel.
“What are you doing in here?” You ask the yellow menace.
>She blushes and looks at your naked form.
>You grab the towel and wrap it around your waist.
>Mother fucking Fluttershy, the towel has a massive wet spot on it.
>Either she dipped it in the water, or she’s been dipping something else!
“Wanna tell me what you’re doing in here?”
>”Oh, I was umm, you know, just, making sure you didn’t drown.”
“Well as touching as that is Flutter.. wait..”
>Your mind starts turning again and you start thinking abouit how tired you were when you came home.
>Well, it wasn’t right when you came home, it was after you drank your milk.
>You shoot her a glare.
“Fluttershy!” You yell at her.
>She “eeps” and flies to the corner of the ceiling.
“Did you drug my milk!?”
>She starts fidgeting and playing with her hair.
>”W-w-well, g-gee.. I- I dunno..”
“God DAMNIT FLUTTERSHY!!!”
>You scared her so much that she locks up and her wings snap back to her sides!
>She lands on your floor, upside down, with a *THUD*!
>She’s clearly dazed as her eyes spin in circles.
>You walk towards the helpless pony and kneel in front of her.
>You grab her by the mane and lift her to her feet!
>”OWOWOWOWOW!!!”
>You hold her to your face.
“Why the fuck did you drug me?”
>She struggles against you and tries to get away.
>You just hold her harder.
>Eventually he stops struggling and you ask her again.
>She starts crying and confessing her undying love for you, the same thing every time you catch her trying to get in your pants.
>”B-b-but, I d-did stop you f-f-from d-drowning!” She managers to say through sobbing, snotty breaths.
>This is kind of a good point.
>You let her down onto her hooves.
“So you stopped me from drowning huh?” You ask with crossed arms. “And how did you manage to do that?”
>She stops crying after a moment and looks at you.
>”W-well.. I thought you would get tired and go take a nap after you got home, so I spiked your milk with sleeping powder so I could snuggle up and sleep next to you.”
>You knew that last part was a blatant lie because she blushed and started eye banging you while saying it.
“Go on.”
>”But when I saw you going into the bathroom and take a bath I knew it would be bad!”
“But you still didn’t tell me how you saved me from drowning.”
>”You fell asleep with the water running, so I stopped it before it got up to your face.”
>”A few times you even slipped further into the water, so I had to pull you back up before you would drown!”
>That explains the wet spot on your towel.
“Well, thanks, I guess. In some weird backwards way, because you saved me from drowning because you ruffied me!”
>She looks embarrassed and scarred at you now.
>You open the door to your bathroom.
“Get the hell out of my house!”
>She starts tearing up and reaches out a hoof.
>”B-b-but” She starts crying again.
“NOW!!” You yell.
>And with that she runs downstairs and out of your house.
>You follow her down and make sure you lock the door this time.
>You look at your fridge and make a mental note to have Twilight analyze all of your food, just to make sure it’s safe.
>You check the wall in the living room.
>Only 2:13, still plenty of time before the party.
>Back up stairs and back into the tub you go.
>This time you manage to stay awake and get yourself clean.
>It’s almost time for your party.
>You got dressed in your favorite jeans and a nice button down to chill in tonight.
>Even if everypony else was going to be naked, you could still look good.
>You almost left in your tuxedo tshirt, but Rarity would have killed you.
>You exit your house and make your way down the road.
>Sugarcube Corner was about a five minute walk for you which wasn;t that bad, you did have beautiful scenery to enjoy on the way there.
>You walk past the fountain and see Lyra and Bon Bon chilling on the bench.
>They both notice you and give you a little wave.
>You smile and wave back, continuing on your way.
>Suddenly you are approached by three rather drunken mares, stumbling down the path.
>”Well Heellloooooo, Anon.” Slurs Mrs. Cherrilee.
>She’s accompanied by Rosebud and Carrot Cake, both of whom seem to be in worse shape than the cheery school teacher.
>Hard to believe.
>All of the sudden Colgate pops out of nowhere and surprises her three drunken friends.
>She’s sloshed as well.
>In fact, she may be the most gone of them all.
>Apparently you weren’t the only one that was celebrating tonight.
>After a minute of giggling and talking over each other you try to get their attention.
>It was hopeless and you just walk past them.
>They don’t notice, Carrot Cake seems to be puking in the bush, Colgate and Cheerilee are arguing over who’s ass looks better, and Rosebud…
>Ya she’s gone,.
>No, wait, you can see her playing in the fountain.
>Man that looks like fun.
>You hope you get blitzed tonight!
>Sugarcube corner comes into view and you can see the party already raging on.
>Of course you weren’t going to show up on time for your own birthday party.
>You make your approach and sling open the doors!
>The dj pulls the music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=676A6VymGCk
>All of the sudden the silence in the room makes everypony stare at you.
>Vinyl Scratch drops the beat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkl9gTiDbLo
>And everypony starts dancing again
>You make your way through the crown to what’s clearly the VIP section.
>You notice how extreme Pinkie Pie went all out, she even got a bouncer for the VIP.
>He simply gives you a nod as he levitates away the velvet rope blocking your path.
>Your friends warm you as soon as you cross the line.
>”Happy Birthday ANON!” You can hear them scream over the music.
>Twilight, Apple Jack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie all crowd around you, giving you hugs and cheering for you.
>Those damn, cute, little pastel ponies are awesome!
>You feel so happy to with them right now.
>But you notice that Rainbro still isn’t here.
>You pull Pinkie close to you and yell in her ear.
“Where’s Rainbow?”
>”Who?”
“RAINBOW DASH!” You yell even louder.
>”Oh! Hehehehaha” She giggles. “Why didn’t you say so? She’s getting everyone drinks!”
>You tell everyone that you’ll be back and head to the bar.
>If she took drink order then that means she missed yours.
>The sea of ponies is packed pretty tight!
>Without warning you’re picked up in the air by two of the Wonderbolts!
>Soarin and Spitfire swoop you over to the bar.
>They land and Soarin yells “Anon doesn’t have to walk to the bar on his birthday!”
>What a bro!
>You knew Rainbow must have liked him for a reason.
>Well, you don’t know if she LIKED him, you just knew she’s been following him for a while.
>Spitfire turns around with three shots.
>You each grab one and shoot it.
>You swear it tastes like cotton candy.
“What is that?”
>”That? That is the start of an epic night my friend!”
>The three of you cheer and take another shot.
>Well maybe three more.
>They got pretty smashed off four and started talking about who was fastest.
>It didn’t take long before the two of them were up in each others face.
>Using your smooth skills, you quickly defuse the situation, “Guys guys, chill, we’ll race later, right now, we PARTY!”
>And with that you were off again!
>They had picked you up and flew you back over to the VIP section.
>Your friends greet you once again, this time with Rainbow in the mix.
>You pull her close and give her a little noogie.
>She half heartedly chuckles then pushes you away.
>She seems pissed off about something.
>Whatever.
>You were already a little tipsy and decided it was a good idea to start dancing.
>You pull out your best moves on the dance floor.
>As you finish up with ‘the Robot’ you are pulled from behind.
>You turn around and don’t see anyone physically holding you.
>You do notice a yellow glow around you, clearly someponies magic.
>You let yourself get dragged along, ponies move out of the way or are just ran over.
>You yell out several ‘sorries’ before you come to a halt and are spun around.
>It takes a moment for your eyes to refocus before you notice that you are face to face with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.
>You drop to your knee and give your customary royal greeting.
“Princess Sun Butt, Moony. It is a honor.”
>Both of them laugh at your attempt of chivalry and greet you with hugs.
>Dear lord, they must be the softest ponies ever!
>Luna floats you a glass of champagne, tinks your glass, and gives you a little wink.
>Apparently being the only human in Equestria means you get to party with royalty
>After a few minutes of conversation and mild flirting, you get a tap on your shoulder from Pinkie Pie.
>You look over and see a MASSIVE cake coming towards you.
>HOLY SHIT THIS IS AMAZING!!!
>Your eyes become dinner plates at the sight of this monstrosity.
>One, two, three…
“SEVEN LAYERS?!?”
>”Pinkie Pie!! What did you do?!??”
>Pinkie starts laughing at your face, you look so befuddled and perplexed.
>If your jaw could, it would’ve hit the floor a whole minute ago.
>It’s an entire rainbow cake.
>Pinkie presents her extra special, super duper, ultra wonderful, mega delicious, most tasty cake ever!
>She presents to you, starting from the top.
>Pineapple upside down cake!
>German chocolate!!
>Strawberry!!!
>Apple buttercream cheesecake!!!!
>Double Bean Vanilla!!!!!
>Raspberry cheesecake!!!!!!
>Sitting on a GIANT brownie!!!!!!!
>Anon whited out.
>You reagain yourself lying in the wings of the princess.
>You really do love be you right now.
>You get up and glomp Pinkie.
>She is the absolute best party pony ever!
>Tonight has been amazing!
>Vinyl scratch has been playing only the sweetest jams.
>There was nothing that could bring you down!
>You let go of the pink one and grab the knife sitting on the table the cake was rolled out on.
“Ladies and gentleponies…”
>You try to begin a speech but no one can hear you.
>You wave to Vinyl who brings the house music down and magics you over a mic.
>Hell ya pony magic.
“Ladies and gentleponies,” Your voice now echoes throughout the room, “I just want to thank each of you for how you’ve made me feel at home since I came here.”
“I know it hasn’t been easy for everyone, and I love all of you for trying.”
>You hear a pony yell from the back “We love you, Anon!”
>You don’t miss this perfect opportunity to respond,
“And I love you, random citizen!” With customary wink and finger point.
>Everypony laughs and cheers now.
“I just want to finish by saying, I LOVE YOU, PONYVILLE!!!”
>The room explodes!
>Vinyl drops the beat harder than ever and everpony starts dancing like the Matrix 2.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwMVMaIV1Y8
>Vinyl takes her mic back and you return to the cake.
>You can’t decide which layer to start on, you with you had a sword so you could cut the whole thing in half
>Unfortunately you have a decision to make and decide to go with your gut.
>Apple Buttercream FTW!
>Your gut tells you this was made with Applejack’s help.
>You move you knife to the cake, already salivating at the thought of the moist deliciousness.
>When all of the sudden something pulls on your shirt.
>It’s Fluttershy.
“What is it Flutters? Can’t this wait until after cake?
> She seems to be holding a gift for you.
>She doesn’t say anything, instead she seems to be hiding behind her mane and mumbling to herself.
>Maybe she was trying to apologize for earlier.
>You open the gift and find a small remote?
>What the eff?
>You pull it out and examine it.
>It’s a small black controller with a speed dial on it.
>You notice that its already set to about two thirds.
>This makes you suspicious.
>You turn the dial down and then all the way to max speed then down again.
>This time you send it all the way to the top and notice that Fluttershy flinched.
>You look at her and notice shes breathing quite heavily.
>You power down the remote put it back in the box.
>You pick Fluttershy up under her fore hooves and hold her face to face.
>She’s panting and furiously red.
>”Haa haah.. uhh.  Huff. I-is vibrator play your fetish?”
>This mother fucking pone.
>You do not restrain yourself as you yell at her at the top of your lungs, lord knows you needed to with Vinyl’s music so loud.
“WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!? I TOLD YOU I’D NEVER SLEEP WITH YOU, I’LL NEVER DATE YOU,  AND I DON’T LOVE YOU!!!! NOW LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!”
>And with this you threw her out onto the crowd of dancing ponies.
>She starts sailing off on the sea of rhythm and you lose sight of her on the horizon.
>’I hope you get stepped on’.
>Now back to your cake.
>Oh man, now you really wanted to get yourself a slice!