>By the time you got home, it was already past noon. As you popped open the door, your stomach gave a loud growl
>Rainbow kicked a record player near the entrance, and the needle fell to the record
>It was some pretty generic 70's-ish rock, but it fit the mood well enough
>Something about a city and manure. Whatever, you figured Rainbow to have some weird fetishes
>She walked into the kitchen and opened her refridgerator, looking around and moving various energy drinks to the side
>Man, you'd kill for a cheese burger right now.
>"A burger, huh? I think I got the stuff for that."
>Holy shit she's a cannibal
>She pulled out two patties, but a closer inspection saw them to just be compressed vegetables and mushrooms
>Oh, that makes sense. And is slightly disappointing.
>Rainbow dropped them on the counter and looked up. "What the hay do they make burgers out of where you're from?"
>Shit.
"Orphans and crushed dreams."
>Fluttershy tilted her head. "Really?"
>You nod.
"They have to be pre-abused or their tears made it all soggy."
>She gasped "Y-...you're joking, right?"
>"I'm pretty sure he's joking, 'Shy."
"Oh, yeah, I am...mostly."
>Dash put the patties in a pan on the stove, and floated up to a cabinet, pulling out two plates
>They were square. What a fucking hipster.
"Dash I'm disappointed in you."
>"Yeah yeah, don't blame me."
"Who should I blame? How the FUCK did you get this house?! Did you kill someone?"
>Rainbow smacked you in the forehead. Ow. That hurts with hooves. "Look, my parents got it for me."
>
"So you didn't win it in a high stakes race through the kessel run?"
>"No."
"And you didn't pull a greased lightning on it?"
>"Nope."
"Wow. That's really fuckin' boring."
>"Yep. 'Shy, get the buns."
"And by buns she means her butt. Because she's gay."
>"Fuck you, Anon."
>You look in the window over the oven, stick your tongue out in the reflection, and giggle
 
 
 
>You've been too nice.
>There are so many opportunities to go above and beyond the call of the asshole
>She pulls out a spatula and flips the patties, while Flutters prepares the rest
>They must have done this a hundred times before. As cute as it is to imagine filly Flutters and Dash, you sigh
>You kind of regret not having a lifelong friend like that with you
>You can sense a feeling of pity cross over from Rainbow's mind to yours, but she doesn't say anything
>Neither do you. You don't really feel a need to expound any further, the conversation is already complete
>It doesn't matter. You've got at least two friends now. Better than you were doing in your last few months.
>Despite the soreness of your face from the day's events, you can't help but to smile as you gaze out the window to the sky
"So who's worst pony?"
>Shy looks up, accidentally dropping the mustard on the counter. "What?"
"Worst pony. Of the six of you, who is worst?"
>Fluttershy picked up a paper towel and cleaned the counter. "I don't understand."
"Which one of you is a shit?"
>"I-I don't think any of us are doo-doo."
"You honestly don't believe one of you is the worst?"
>"No!"
"Tell me, little child. Give me the right answer, and you get a gift. Give me the wrong answer, and you are dead to me."
>She starts to shake her head and open her mouth, but you interrupt her.
"SPEAK, FLUTTERS! Do you believe it's RARITY, or do you believe it's APPLEJACK?"
>She shrinks. "I-I don't--"
"Do you believe in THAT WHICH YOU CAN SEE, or INFANTILE FANTASY?!"
>You grab a butterknife she was using
"TELL ME, best pony! I've got a knife! Do you believe in fucking knives?!"
>She squeaked and stepped back, flaring her wings
"Which is it?!"
>"Rarity is my friend, and so is Appl--"
"So it's Applejack?!"
>As you complete that last sentence, the itching begins again, and your fur starts to shift color into a light blue.
"That wasn't a hour and a half at all. Rarity a shit."
>You drop the mic. Knife. Whatever.
 
 
 
 
>
>
>"Holy shit, Anon."
"Dash, this is how I cope. It's an ancient ritual of my people."
>The smell of cooking food reaches your attention again and you turn to the food. It's just about done.
>You take the spatula and move the patties to the buns, in the otherwise silent room.
>You hand Fluttershy her plate
"I'll give you the gift anyways, for being a good sport."
>After a moment, she takes it.
>If your face and ribs didn't hurt so much, you would have been on the floor gasping for breath
>Luckily, it looks like you played it cool. And who knows, if they buy it, you'll be getting away with a lot more
>You take your own plate and walk to the table, awkwardly sitting on the chair.
>It's not like it's completely a lie, after all. You have always relieved stress by being a huge prick.
>Although usually there was no one listening.
>You take a bite and watch Fluttershy place her plate and sit down. "Um...ancient ritual?"
"Yup."
>You swallow. Fluttershy coughs.
>"Your people...?"
"Fat, friendless, unwashed, autistic, that sort of stuff."
>You take another bite, and think for a moment.
"Basically me except without the cute exterior I'm afforded sharing a body with ponies. So, a completely terrible existance."
>You smile softly. You can feel Rainbow poking at the borders of your mind, but she seems to have been thrown off
>"...That's nice."
"No it isn't."
>
"Pretty sucky."
>You take another bite, and before you can really enjoy it, Rainbow swallows.
>"Uhhh, Anon? Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
>No
>You're not sure why. You're not sure when it started, either, but you feel kind of terrible.
>Even being a crazy dick didn't really help.
 
 
 
 
>Fluttershy was staring at you. She seemed almost pitying. "You seem angry, Anon."
"A little."
>You are?
>Now that you think about it, you actually feel really mad. You're not sure what you're mad at
>Dash readjusted your posture and looked around the room. "Why?"
"I want to be alone."
>Across the table, Fluttershy's big blue eyes kept staring into you. "Did we do something wrong?"
>You sigh and lean forward onto the table.
"No."
>Your mind was ablaze, trying to figure out what caused your sudden shift in mood
>You could tell Rainbow was doing the same, and you didn't even need to share Flutters' mind to know she was as well
>You look around the room. It was bright and sparkly, and the sun was just starting to shine through the window
>Everything about the place seemed idyllic.
>"What's wrong?"
>You couldn't even tell who asked, you just shut your eyes and covered your face.
>You could feel hot tears welling up in the corners of your eyes
>The incessant buzzing in your ears mercifully ended, and was replaced by nothing but your shuddering breaths.
>You finally hear hoofsteps as Fluttershy moves closer. "Anon?"
>You look up, and can't help but notice the blue surrounding your snout and the strands of multi-hued hair in your vision
"I lost so much fucking time, Flutters."
>She didn't seem to know what to say, and put her hoof on your back.
"I'll never get to experience so much. And everything I was is completely gone, now."
>You hide your face in your arms again.
"I'm just a prick. That's all I've got. I don't even have my own body."
>Fluttershy hushed you and leaned in. "I can't imagine how you feel. I'm very sorry, Anon."
>'Hey, don't worry. You got us now, right?'
>Even her mental voice sounded unsure. 'Besides, we'll get you a body tomorrow, right?'
 
 
 
"A jar. I'll get a jar. I'll just be a fuckin' jar for the rest of my life."
>Fluttershy pulled your face up, looking into your eyes.
>"Sweetie, I know what it feels like to have missed out on things. I spent most my life trying to avoid people."
>You start to look away, but she pulls you back. "It's really hard to think about, I know. But you have to let that go."
>You bite your tongue and take a sharp breath. For a few moments, she simply looks into your eyes.
>Before you know what you're doing, you lean forward and kiss her, only for a second, before pulling back with a smile
"Thanks, Flutters. I'll try to pull it together."
>You hear a loud ringing in your ears, and your smile wavers for a moment. Fluttershy herself pales
>Oh, that's an alarm bell.
>Oh.
>OH SHIT
>Rainbow pulls herself away and spits on the floor, coughing. When you look back up, Fluttershy is still frozen
>"GOD DAMNIT, ANON! The fuck is wrong with you?!"
>Fluttershy looked to the ground. "M-my first kiss..."
>You can't help yourself but fall off the chair, breaking into a shrill hyena-like laugh, even though your throat burns
>After several minutes, it finally dies down, tears still running down your face.
"Man, being alive is so fucking awesome."
 
 
 
 
>You stand up, and wipe the tears off your face, grinning.
>You can still feel Rainbow silently decaying from the inside out in true mortification.
>Fluttershy, on the other hand, was mumbling under her breath, unfocused eyes darting around
>Having friends is more fun than you expected. And you expected a lot
>You climb back on the chair, and pick up your burger, going for another bite, before Rainbow pulls your head back
>"No! No, no, you don't just go from doing that to eating! THat's not how this works!"
"Sorry, Rainbow. I didn't know you were so experienced at kissing your childhood friends. I should have guessed, though."
>She grits her teeth. "I'm not! You--just, you--!"
>You shove veggie burger in your face to shut her up. It has a side effect of being tasty.
>You turn to Fluttershy. You would give the thumbs up if you could. That makes everything okay.
>She seems to have gotten through here pale-faced shock and is now hiding behind her hair, shaking
>You pat her on the head in the most patronizing way you can muster, while chewing
>Man, your face is tired.
"If it makes you feel any better, that was my first lesbian kiss too."
>You can feel the heat in her cheeks from here, and she squeaks. You swallow
"Adorable."
>Rainbow raises her arms. "We just--You--You can't just immediately--That's just, n-..."
>
"So what movie are we gonna watch?"
>Fluttershy shook her head. "W-wait, what?! How can you just change subject like that?"
>You shrug and look at the table.
"I dunno. I feel like I've been stir crazy for so long. I'm so unused to this stuff, I keep getting distracted by the possibilities."
>A last wayward tear runs down your cheek.
"But I kind of feel like if I go with the flow, things'll turn out alright. You guys have that effect on me."
 
 
 
>You look back up and sigh happily.
"At least I get the chance to make up for some of that lost time. More has happened in the last week than most years of my living days."
>After a moment, Fluttershy nodded in understanding. "I think I get it."
"Still kind of sucks not to be able to be a kid again, though. Maybe I can live vicariously through Rainbow's memories.
>Dash straightened up. "Wait, what?"
>You close your eyes and try to enter into the vaults of her childhood.
"Let's see where that first experimental night with dad's magazines started everything."
>"FUCK you, Anon!"
>You cackle, and a voice from your right rang through the room. "Ooooh, you're Dashie and Nonny!"
>You turn, and a pink earthpony is standing in the doorway.
>You feel Dash's heart drop. "Pinkie, how much did you see?"
>"You aren't gonna ask how I'm in your house?" She frowned. "I was looking forward to that."
>Fluttershy's normally softspoken voice turned somewhat cold. "How much did you see?"
>"Oh, don't worry you two! I already guessed you two were together! I won't tell anyone, though."
"How could you possibly guess Fluttershy and I were a couple, you fucking witch?"
>Her eyes widened. "Oooooh. No, I guessed it was Dashie and Fluttershy. Oh well!"
>"Why the hell does everyone think I'm gay for her?!" Dash screamed at the ceiling in frustration.
"To be fair, it is the best ship. Even if that makes me a cuck, I gotta admit that."
>Fluttershy opened her mouth without making sound for a moment. "...Ship?"
>Rainbow tilted her head. "Cuck?"
"Fucking newfags."
>
>Pinkie took a breath. "So first I had to go really quick to Twilight for a cloudwalking potion, but I got back just in time to see you--"
"Pinkie, you just wanna watch some shitty movies?"
>She sighed. "Sure, sounds good."