https://archive.moe/mlp/thread/22395817/
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Applejack
"Twilight"
'Pinkie'
[Dash]
{Fluttershy}
(Rarity)
~~~~
 
>...Gettin' some mighty big flashbacks round here.
 
"Yeah, it is pretty nostalgic."
 
'Yeah! Like that time we all went off to go find and fix the Tree of Harmony, and then Applejack tries to send Twilight home.'
 
>Heh, alright, let's not-
 
[Even though, you know, this left us totally unable to use the Elements of Harmony. Which, you know, require the HARMONY of all six ELEMENTS in order to work!]
 
{But the plan of getting to the tree was nice.}
 
(Yes! We were going to get to the tree, and theeennnn...)
 
'But you know, Twilight was totally needed back there, where she could tell everybody it was going to be okay instead of fixing it.'
 
(But darling, everything would go into chaos! Could you imagine a land without a ruler and a dark force on the loose?)
 
[Yeah, it would be like having ETERNAL NIGHT or something!]
 
{Thank goodness nobody ever had to deal with that, because Twilight was needed back at the castle.}
 
>...
 
"...They're not wrong."
 
>....Ya'll can go fuck yer'selves. And Ah' didn't hear no arguments neither!
 
[...She has a point, Twilight.]
 
"....."
 
[...fine. Maybe it wasn't TOTALLY Applejack.]
 
>THANK YOU@
 
[...Just mostly-]
 
*POW!*
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Twilight"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but some things shouldn't be forgotten! Now for our main guest...Twilight!!!
 
"Why do you do this to me?"
 
>Because fun! So do you think we'll get to our destination without getting lost?
 
"I'm sure we'll be fine."
 
>Are you suuuuure we won't get lost?
 
"Positive. I have a great sense of direction."
 
>Thanks for watching everypony! Don't forget to bring a gift, Twi.
 
"For who?"
She wakes up.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
NC
>Celestia
"AJ"
~~~
 
>APPLEJACK YOU COME BACK HERE!
 
"Nuh uh!"
 
>APPLEJACK YOU NEED TO DO THE PAPERWORK!
 
"NUHHOO!"
 
>APPLEJACK GET DOWN!
 
"NUP! GONNA GO GET MAH APPLES!"
 
>APPLEJACK STOP!
 
"AIN'T GONNA STOP GONNA GET APPULS!"
 
>APPLEJACK I'M COUNTING TO THREE!
 
"....NUH!"
 
>GRAAAAAAHHH!
 
"Gonna love me some Apples!"
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
~~~~~~
 
No more missus Nice Mare.
 
Sunset was done with playing by the rules. Everypony else obviously didn't bother, so why should she? She had the motivation, good reasons and her intentions were genuine. Remorse was for quitters.
 
Sunset kind of... wished the girls had asked her to come along. The white maned Changeling Queen was right in that one regard. She was rather lonely nowadays. Spike was fun to hang out with. Kid dragon had his head screwed on right. And Twilight, despite her reluctance to go a step beyond in her research, was still a like-minded mare in her thirst for innovation.
 
*CLANG CLANG CLANG CRACK!*
 
A series of swift bucks to the side panel of the terminal in Twilight's lab plus some old-fashioned telekinesis enabled the unicorn to access the innards, wiring and crystalline circuits.
 
If only Twilight wouldn't keep secrets from her like some jealous researcher would from their brilliant research assistant. Sunset would never try to steal the spotlight or abuse what she could learn, but either Twilight was burned from a past experience she didn't know about or...
 
...or she didn't trust her at all.
 
The realization makes Sunset pause. There was a slight, burning pain in her chest and a feeling of weight in her stomach. Did Twilight really hold her in that low esteem?
 
...
 
Seconds later, the amber unicorn resumes analyzing the crystals connected to the keypad to find out the right frequency and combination of magic impulses to unlock it. Her face was set in grim determination. Fine. It wasn't like she had needed anypony before.
 
She'd show Twilight. She'd show them. All of them. She was a good pony. She meant no harm! She just made a bad call once!
 
When the terminal sprung to life moments later, she set the metallic covering back into its original position. No need to let Twilight know she likely knew as much if not more about magitek than her. As if she hadn't experimented with the bastardization of magic and technology.
 
All previously locked folders and files were now open to her. Plus a control menu for the rest of the lab. It took some figuring out, but when she found the right command, a hidden panel near the wall slid open, revealing a stack of slightly singed parchments.
 
Now, she just needed to read everything and take notes before Twilight returned.
 
~~~ Several hours later ~~~
 
The door to Sunset Shimmer's room swings open and closes quietly, admitting a hounded-looking mare into it. Dropping her saddlebags at the side, she walks across the room and throws herself onto her bed. Her eyes were wide, her mind racing.
 
Thoughts of forced robotization of ponies, super weapons, ascensions and powers that defied logic and explanation used by a long-dead race occupied her mind. Sunset had seen things that had made her uneasy, scared.
 
Some of the things she read had been hard to believe, but despite her intelligence, Twilight was still meticulous and pragmatic in keeping her notes scientific and without any emotional tone to them. And Celestia's pupil clearly didn't trust her own memory. Why else would she keep everything written down somewhere.
 
Sunset had seen things. She had learned more than she had dared to hope.
 
Her eyes flicker over to where she had hidden the crystal. Switching her perception by means of a spell, she could see its raw power oozing down the wall behind the tapestry and across the floor like blackish-green fog.
 
Hesitation made itself known. The Changelings were far more than she imagined. But they were also a species. Individuals with experiences, emotions and feelings. They could hurt, suffer and experience joy.
 
If only one of them would talk to her calmly and rationally...
 
Rolling over, Sunset closes her eyes and falls into an uneasy sleep, dreams filled with hundreds of green eyes following her everywhere.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Screwloose
"Snake Eyes"
'12'
-Pennydrop-
=Grunt=
 
>-the dumb bitch knows we can see the camera in the fireplace, right?
 
"I highly doubt she'd be stupid enough to put on such an overt method of spying."
 
=Sshh!=
 
'What?'
 
=The bug's gonna figure things out!=
 
'I can hear you...'
 
"And he hasn't shown a sign of wanting to run off to his hive as of yet."
 
=Sssh!=
 
'I don't even know where I am! I'm probably hundreds of miles away from them and don't even know the first step I'd have to take to get back.'
 
=Shut up, you!=
 
>Oh do knock that off, my pervert's in this for the long haul, aren't you?
 
'Yeah, pretty much.'
 
=I'm not tellin'!=
 
>Imbecile.
 
'Jackass.'
 
"Incompetent."
 
=...ow...=
 
>Just get on with this nonsense already!
 
=Fine!=
 
The grunt storms across the shack towards a candlestick sitting on an end table.
 
=Hope you hate it here, jerks!=
 
He pulls the candlestick and the shack shudders. Sections of the floor where the trio stand begin to slide away revealing a metal platform with guardrails rising from the platform.
 
>Shall we?
 
'Goin' down.'
 
>Not on the first date.
 
The three walk onto the platform, which shudders and begins to sink. into the floor, down onto a track running through a tunnel lit by lights on either side.
 
'...'
 
"..."
 
>Well, someone's been a busy bee.
 
-Quite observant, Ms. Screwloose.-
 
A video terminal rises from the front of the platform, crackling to life to show a shadowy figure.
 
-Your observational powers are worthy of your reputat- -
 
"Hello Pennydrop."
 
-...you dick head!-
 
The darkness falls away, revealing the mare in question glaring at the screen.
 
'Oh hey, it's the Fawntaine lady, I figured it was someone rich like her.'
 
-You, bug, shut your face. The HELL, Snake Eyes!?-
 
"He is LITERALLY inside a MOUNTAIN. Secrecy is about as necessary as taking scuba gear to a pool!"
 
-You and I gotta talk when this thing gets to where it's going. I asked for Screwloose, I did not ask for the changeling she was pegging.-
 
>Ha, he wishes.
 
"She and he are a package deal, I'm afraid. If you take one, you take the other. It would have been unduly difficult to do this otherwise."
 
-Difficult jobs are what I hired you for!-
 
"Zombie apocalypse kind of goes above and beyond the call, wouldn't you say? You're lucky she was willing to come with me at all."
 
>Yeah, she could have been half way to Mexicolt by now after snapping Snake Eyes' neck.
 
"Exactly."
 
-Enough! When you get down to the ground floor, Screwloose and the insect will go with the grunts waiting for you to the appointed living space until I figure out what should be done. YOU, Snake-Eyes, you will go with Sidewinder to me...and we will figure out what to do about this situation...-
 
'I don't like the sound of this.'
 
>Little late for cold hooves now, pervert. Don't worry, if they make a move, we'll be out of this place with little trouble.
 
-So cocky, unduly so. I believe you'll find it a little less than easy to get out of here.-
 
'Uhh...can I ask, where IS here?'
 
As if in answer, the platform descends out of the tunnel into the middle of a massive hollowed out cavern, the contents of are a labyrinth of what appeared to be laboratories, small-scale factories, and quite a few clusters of holding cells.
 
-Fawntaine Futuristics R&D Facility Delta. I call the Brainbox.-
 
'...'
 
"..."
 
>...sweet.
 
'HOW DO YOU AFFORD THESE THINGS!?'
 
"Arms deals, mostly."
 
-SHUT UP YOU ASSHOLE!-
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~
 
>....Alright, shoot.
 
"I uh... I don't know if I want to."
 
>Really? You, specifically, say you have a funny power to show me, and puss out at the last second.
 
"I'm not pussing out, it's just... uh..."
 
>Show me.
 
"Welll-"
 
>Shooooowww meeeeeee...
 
"...Fine."
 
POOF!
 
>...
"..."
>...
"...Go ahead."
 
>PFFFFFTTAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!
 
"Yeeeep. Saw that coming."
 
>Y-YOU L-L-LOOOK-SNNKK-YOU LOOK LIKE-PFFFTT-YOU LOOK LIKE A BAD TOUPEE!
 
"Yep. I do do that."
 
>Y-YOU EVEN HAVE A COME OVERPFFFTTAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA AAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
 
"...Yeah, Cousin Opercularis was not, uh, not very well respected for her prowess. She also had a really nasty habit of only going for... a-hem, 'aged' ponies. I do not know why, and considering all she ever said on the matter was "I like the texture", I never want to know."
 
>AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
 
"I was hoping that would make you stop. I believed in vain."
 
>AHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
 
"Get it allllll out."
 
>HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH...AHAHAH..haa.. hahaahah... ahah....ahh.. hoooooo... yep.
 
"...You done?
 
>AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!
 
"I'll wait."
 
>AHAHAHAHAH...AHAHAH...ahah... hooooo ahaah... hmmm...
 
"...Done?"
 
>Think I'm done.
 
"Good. Now go get some shears and some impenetrable armor."
 
>...W-whyyy?
 
"Because this stuff is poisonous, and one tiny prick will kill you."
 
>...And the drawback?
 
"Do you see me moving? No? Well, that has something to do with the fact it will also poison ME."
 
>...How'd she die?
 
"Sneezed."
 
>Ah. I will go get the clippers.
 
"Get on it chuckles."
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>2
"SA"
'Celestia'
[Chrysalis]
{Cadence}
-18-
(42)
~Spitfire~
~~~~
 
>Hey'a, Shiny? I gotta question.
 
'DEAR MERCY NO! NOT YOU TOO! IT'S SPREADING! THE CONTAINMENT HAS BEEN BREACHED! BREEEEEACHED! IT'LL CONSUME US ALLLLLLLLL!'
 
"...What did you need, sweetie?"
 
>Is Auntielestia okay?
 
"She hadn't been okay for a very, very long time. But no matter! What was your question?"
 
>Well, Ah' gots an assignment from school. We're supposed ta' do a report on what we would do if we were the prince or princess-
 
"Obviously very difficult for you."
 
>-and what we're s'posed ta' do if someone from another country is mad at our country.
 
"Ah. A very good question... and actually pretty subtle on the teachers part, A plus... but obviously, what you should do is-"
 
[CRACKASLAMMA! What you need to do is send your agents to dig up dirt on whoever this is that's badmouthing you and trying to start stuff. Once you find something juicy, threaten to release it to the public unless they back off, and ensure that if anything goes down they'll regret it for what remains of their pitiful lives. Then after that do some posturing, maybe some power waves so you can show off your magic, maybe an insult or two, and then relax in your victory!]
 
"...No. No you should not do that."
 
'Really, Chrysalis? Really?... REALLY?'
 
[No, you're right. According to dear AUNTIELESTIA, clearly what you should actually do is find a pseudo-enemy of that person who's mad at you, send that pseudo-enemy, who they are justifiably mad at and don't want around them, over to them under false pretenses of it being a test of some kind so said pseudo-enemy does not get sent off while in actuality they are just over there to annoy them and make their lives miserable, and then wait until that pseudo-enemy makes them so utterly mad they forget whatever it was that made them mad at you in the first place, and you never have to address their flappy problems.]
 
"..."
 
'...T-touche, Chrysalis. Tou... che...'
 
 
"Do not do that either. What you should actually do is-"
 
{Buy a great big, extravagant and sparkly gift for them that's pink, and then give it to them and pretend it wasn't even a thing, then they're not mad at you anymore!}
 
"Okay, you shouldn't do that either because it's very short term-"
 
{Or if that doesn't work, use your love magic on them and make them remember why they liked you in the first place!}
 
"...don't do that, that's mind control, sort of. What-"
 
-Rearrange a lower public works and de-prioritize it. Once it is no longer on the agenda, re-route the funding you would normally put towards it and hire a public relations officials. Then fill out forms forty eight through sixty seven to requisition the form for a meeting between your public relations official and theirs, fill out forms one oh six through two forty nine to schedule a meeting, wait six to nine business weeks for the return form regarding the issues presented in said meeting, then fill out eight seventy six through one zero zero five zero for official filing and file it away in section one six nine of subsection eight four three two one zero eight nine ten!-
 
"...That sounds like a ridiculous amount of work, and yet nothing got resolved."
 
-WELCOME TO BUREAUCRACY!-
 
"What you should ACTUALLY do is-"
 
(Punch them.)
 
"..."
 
(...What? Punches solve everything. They are the universal key against any lock. Punches.)
 
"...What you should ACTUALLY do is-"
 
~NOT hide what you did from the public because eventually they WILL find out and then your whole life is ruined and you're a laughing stock and you're cleaning underwear WITH YOUR TONGUE and then you're dressed in a maid outfit and oh dear Celestia it's just hoorrribllle!~
 
"..."
 
'{([-~ NO! What she should do is~-])}'
 
"SHUT UP!"
 
'{([-~...~-])}'
 
"...Ask them why they are mad, talk about it then try to fix it if you can."
 
>...That makes sense. Thank's Shiny!
 
"No problem."
 
'{([-~....My way was better....~-])}'
 
HEADDESK!
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
NC
~~~
 
>Okay, fine, why are you mad?
 
"...You smashed my hometown, punted my wife into a castle, buried Chrysalis, punched Celestia, and then tried to love-sap my daughter to DEATH. Oh and then you tried to beat ME to death. That's not as bad as the other stuff, just mentioning it."
 
>Alright, let's talk about it.
 
"Hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatemurdermurdermurdermurder"
 
>Good discussion. Okay, so, fixing it.
 
"..."
 
>Thought so.
 
"Haaaaaaatttteeeee..."
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>32
"Coltsly"
'Technician'
-Salespony-
 
'Aaaand, that'll just about do it with this little feller.'
 
"The upgrades I requested are in place?"
 
'Yup, as of right now these little guys're gonna be a mite less trigger happy 'round them bugs.'
 
"Thank you, Rusty, an excellent job as always. I needed this done before we gave them back to their owners to ensure nothing...damaging happens."
 
'Damagin' meanin' those corporate PR weasel words?'
 
"No I mean literally damaging to the city. We got lucky with the restaurant incident, considering their target was a trained combatant."
 
'I dunno why ya bother, not many left in the city.'
 
"Yes, but those that are include a well-respected reporter, a doting father, and said father's BABY."
 
'Ooh, got a point there. That ain't even countin' the great biggun', huh?'
 
"Precisely, no scenario there reflects well on us. I refuse to be known as the head of a company that sells robots that'd gun down a baby, species be damned."
 
'Well I don't think anyone would wanna be known as a baby killer, ma'am.'
 
"Yes, well, when your net worth rises up, so does the amount of scrutiny you are under. Certain things aren't just implied anymore."
 
'If'n ya ask me, ma'am ya'll could use a break from this city.'
 
"Well it's not a break but I'll soon be departing for different pastures, as it were. We're opening our first store in Maretonia and I'll be glad-hoofing with the rich and prosperous to make the venture worth it."
 
'Maretonia? Yeesh, why not just go to Detrot? I went there on vacation once, absolutely miserable the whole time.'
 
"In truth, I figure anypony could do it, but with things riding a high here, the actual owner being at the opening could boost mor-"
 
-Ms. Coltsly!-
 
The unicorn mare was very unaccustomed to her backroom door being thrown open, even moreso in a state of panic like her salespony was showing.
 
"Threadbare, what's wrong?"
 
-There's a....well there's a...-
 
"There's a what? Calm down."
 
 
-There's a...changeling...here to see you.-
 
Cotlsly blinked.
 
"Well that's unexpected."
 
'You don't think he's...'
 
"Here to deliver a threat? Maybe, yes, maybe. He asked for me?"
 
-By name, ma'am.-
 
"Odd, though if I remember correctly, their Queen's more prominent retainers are-oh, is this one in possession of only one eye?"
 
-Er, no, he's got both. He just kinda smiled at me and acted all polite.-
 
"Well that means he's not the rank and file, surely. Interesting. Wait here."
 
She emerged from the back of the store, striding towards the counter to see a black chitinous form perusing the robot models lined up on the other end of the store.
 
"Pardon me, may I help you, sir?"
 
>Hm?
 
The changeling turned.
 
>Oh, hello, you must be the proprietor.
 
"Yes, I'm Ms. Coltsly, may I ask who you are?"
 
The changeling stepped towards the counter, a smile on his face.
 
>Of course, where are my manners? My name is 32, I am the ambassador for the changeling hive here in Canterlot.
 
"I didn't know your people had an embassy here."
 
>It's a work in progress. I thought it prudent to introduce myself to the more influential residents of the city before I began my work.
 
"Well I'm flattered you think I'm influential, but I'm just a businessmare, you've nothing to gain from speaking with me."
 
>The amount of robots I see walking about behind the rich and prosperous whilst they light cigars with hooves of fire say otherwise.
 
"Just the sign of a prosperous business."
 
>I suppose so...well then, it was nice making your acquaintance, I trust I'll be seeing quite a bit more of you...
 
The changeling turned, walking to the door of the shop, stopping to look over at her again.
 
>Neighbor.
 
Coltsly's eyes followed the changeling as he marched...all the way to a building directly across the street where a moving crew was struggling to get a couch through the door.
 
-Uh, how'd it go?-
 
"Threadbare?"
 
-Y-yes?-
 
"How would you like to oversee a store opening in Maretonia?"
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
NC
~~~
 
"I assure you, everything is perfectly safe!"
 
'...Didn't you shoot a baby once?'
 
"...uh... any chance you're a racist and don't see changelings as real beings?"
 
'Nnnno.'
 
"Then yes... shot a baby one time..."
 
'...'
 
"...A-hem..."
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Siegfried
"???"
'Guard'
~~~~
 
>This place is amazing! Why don't we have sweets like this back home!?
 
'Because importing sugar is expensive, sire.'
 
>Well, we need to make an exception, or start growing it! How does someone grow sugar?
 
'I do not know, sire.'
 
>Look into that, because MMMM, these cakes! THESE FUCKING CAKES! They're delicious! They're heavenly is what they are! This chocolate is just perfect, every drop! We need more sugar like this!
 
'Chocolate is derived from coco plants, sire, not sugar.'
 
>Then we need more of that! I see why these guys are totally herbivores, these plants are all the plants you need.
 
'Not very healthy, sire.'
 
>Fuck that, live fast is my motto.
 
'And that's why I've had to pry you away from three different mares.'
 
>THIS CLOSE, GRYPH! This close! I was going to finally start enjoying my stay! Away from the overseeing eye of that lady-hawk who insists we're related. Away from her breathing down my neck and doing that freaking clicking thing with her beak. Away from her looming over me like a big, overbearing, boring, joyless, horrible shadow... much like the shadow that has just actually covered me. I thought it was supposed to be clear skies today?
 
'...'
 
>...Right behind me?
 
'She uh... she's been there since before you started talking.'
 
>...Uh huh... huh... uh... huuuuuhhh... huh....
 
'...'
 
>....RUN-GLKKK!
 
"Little bird, you will never be fast enough to outrun me."
 
>...Mother! Salutations to my Queen so grand, what brings you all the way down here to Canterlot? Instead of the kingdom, far, faaaaaar away from us?
 
"I am here to seek an audience in discussion regarding the recent expulsion of every changeling EXCEPT the one they need to expel. As the Queen, I must know if this is going to change our trading policy regarding them in any way since we continue relations with the Empire."
 
>That sounds very important, and I wish you-GLKKK!
 
'M-majesty? Perhaps strangling him in public is not the best answer?'
 
"You're right. Find me a secluded room, I am going to teach him what happens when he speaks behind my back."
 
>...J-just kill me now, it's your duty!
 
'Hell no.'
 
>BETRAYAL!
 
"No, he's just not stupid."
 
>...Peace offering?
 
"That had better not be a half eaten jumbo chococano cake."
 
>...Well, little more than half actually-GLK!
 
"Where I went wrong, I will never know."
 
>...B-by the way, while you're here, about increasing our sugar trade...
 
"...I'll consider it. That stuff is pretty nice."
 
>Hey! I was wrong! You're not totally joyless-GLKACKACKACKACK
 
'Majesty? I thought you were going to wait until they couldn't see you?'
 
"I've always been the impatient type."
 
>GLACLK!
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
NC
>Sombra
"Twilight"
'Pinkie'
[AJ]
{Dash}
(Rarity)
~FS~
~~~~
 
>...Uh...
 
"Ah, shoot."
 
'So we WERE lost!'
 
"WERE! PAST TENSE! PAST! We know where we are now!"
 
>Where, exactly?
 
{At Zecora's house. Zebra friend of ours, you wouldn't know her.}
 
>What? We've met. She even poledanced with Cadence and Eighteen back at the Empire.
 
"..."
'...'
[...]
{...}
~...~
(...I beg your pardon?)
 
>Er, nevermind. SO! She lives in this hut?... On the outside of town.. all alone?
 
[Now don't you be thinkin' nothin' funny! She's a nice, upstandin' mare, and Ah' was dead wrong when Ah' thought the same foolheaded thing ya'll are thinkin' right now!]
 
>I'm not implying anything except it's a little... off that you would make her stay out here.
 
~We um... we don't make her stay anywhere, she likes it out here.~
 
'Mostly because she doesn't want her house wreck. Batting zero at the moment, and she wants to keep it that way.'
 
>Is that the only reason she stays?
 
(Well I simply can't think of any other reason.)
 
{...Hey, do you guys smell that?}
 
"Smell what?"
 
{It smells like that box of 'mega cookies' Pinkie's sister sent to her-}
 
'OH MY LOOK AT THE TIME! WE BEST BE OFF, GANG!'
 
{Wha?}
 
[Huh... kinda smells like Mac's room back when he went though his 'harmony' phase-]
 
'TIMES A WASTING!'
 
"It smells like the teachers lounge to the school I wasn't allowed near..."
 
'BURNING DAYLIGHT!'
 
>She is right, you know, and it is clear she isn't home.
 
"Oh, yeah. Come on, team!"
 
[Let's giddyup!]
 
'...'
 
>...That is some prime stuff she has in there.
 
'I don't know how she does it, but she won't sell it to me.'
 
>Well, don't want to confirm every stereotype...
 
'...'
 
>...FIRST thing I do when I get my body back-
 
'Waaay ahead of ya'.'
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"AJ"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, and mistakes are embarrassing! Now for our main guest...APPLEJACK!!!
 
"Howdy."
 
>The Everfree forest, eh? We need to get out more am I right?
 
"It's nice to stretch my legs once in a while."
 
>We need more fun once in a while...YOU need more fun once in a while. It's probably not fair that Celestia and I were having fun with Shiny's gang.
 
"Yeah, Ah'd sure like to get out more, but Ah can't seem to stop working. Ah suppose Ah'm a workaholic.
 
>Which is exactly why you need this! We're going to have so much nostalgia!
 
"...so about the summer harvest para-"
AJ wakes up to Pinkie jumping on her bed.
 
>Wake up sleepy head! We're going on an Adventure! An Adventure Applejack!
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Gwen
"Chitania"
'Siegfried'
[Prostimare]
~~~~
 
'Now, see, when I said "We should really, really, really avoid the library", at what point did you hear "Hey! Let's all go get our book on!" Because that didn't happen, and I'm going to be blunt I am just not that interested in how Daring Do defeated the sixth monk of the Croup guard.'
 
His mother paid her child no heed, no sight. Instead, her eagle like gaze was latched forwards, burning and boring with every second at the one who continued on, oblivious to her seething, hot rage that threatened to boil over with every passing second. The normally destructive changeling just remained with her eyes glued ahead to the book she studied, while her 'companion' just munched on some bag of cookies that had no doubt been provided by said normally destructive changeling.
 
'Mother? Mother come on, come now, do you really want to start something in the middle of a library? It's a library, let's be considerate. Remember? That's what you said to me, be considerate, be considerate annnnnd there she goes. She is stomping towards her and I can feel our diplomatic relationships crumbling. I can feel it. This is... this is bad. I didn't even get to sleep with any ponies yet...'
 
The gryphon ignored him, outright ignored his ramblings and his words, outright paid no mind to the meeping, mewling little chick she had raised as she neared the Queen, her own talons gripping her sword so tightly it nearly caused the hilt to crack. It took everything she had, every scrap of her willpower, not to bring her blade to bare, and she honestly did not know for how long she could keep that up.
 
>You...
 
Not long, at this rate.
 
Especially if the monster just kept flipping through her book, not a care, not even an acknowledgement of a brief flicker of her eyes. To her, the Queen of the Gryphons may as well not exist.
 
This could not stand.
 
 
>You disgusting, filthy creature... you dare to sit out in the open so brazenly, so carelessly.
 
[Uh, miss? Hi, but Chitania's kinda readin', so can you-]
 
A flash of steal and a hum of metal sang through the air as her weapon was out in a second, tip pointed tellingly to the snout of the gobsmacked mare.
 
>You. Whore. Shut your filthy, crusted mouth. I am speaking to the monster, not some brazen tart she dragged up to use to sate whatever disgusting desires she makes you d-...
 
Eyes narrowed in as the beast made her move. Without even looking up from her book, the Titan rose a single, mammoth hoof, and snaked it around the frightened mare's shoulder. It slid along until it easily pushed her face aside, and the very tip of that chitinous hoof connected with the tip of the blade.
 
The hybrid Queen struggled, and she fought, but no matter how much of her rage she poured into her muscles she just could not stop it as the sword was slowly, effortlessly, pushed back. With a single, blindingly fast flick of her hooftip, the sword was carelessly tossed from her grasp, clattering uselessly to the ground a fair distance away.
 
Never once had she even looked off to the side.
 
>...So quick to defend your little slut? She must be better in your bed than I thought.
 
"She's my food, you dumbass."
 
[Yeah! We don't do stuff like that. She just kinda does that whirr thing for a second and then I feel drowsy.]
 
Talons slammed on the table, once more making her jump in fear and instinctively shuffle back towards Chitania.
 
>Do you not even care you are feeding a beast!? Fueling her when she should be left to suffer and die!? Have you no shame!?
 
[... Not really, no? Better than my normal customers, and I ain't even gotta do anything weird for the weird money!]
 
>She could kill us all, and it would be your fault!
 
[She jus' wants ta' read...]
 
 
>I know you're nothing but a filthy little gutter swimmer, but I thought at least you'd have some dignity! Apparently not!
 
[At least I don't dress like a flashy tramp.]
 
>A WHAT!?
 
[And I ain't got as many slutwrinkles as you neither! Stop being jealous stallions actually would pay for me, just cause they wouldn't even glance at you!]
 
>Did... did you just say I would be unsuccessful at hooking, you whore!?
 
"You're talking a lot of shit about whores."
 
>Oh, I'm sorry, am I offending you? Please, tell me! Speak of your defense of the creatures of the night!
 
"Actually, just confused he doesn't speak up, you'd think it would be offending that guy behind you. Though, I guess he is the one who shortchanged her friend."
 
Had anyone been listening, they would have heard a loud, metallic CREEEEAAAAKKK, as her neck swiveled slowly until her gaze landed on her son.
 
'...I deny any and all allegations, and insist I was in Fillydelphia at the implied time.'
 
[Ya' said baltimare last time.]
 
'I deny that too. Any allegations regarding me being involved with a large reared Zebra with a speech impediment are pure, undiluted, rumor.'
 
[...I... I didn't say she had a speech impediment.]
 
"Or that she had a big ass."
 
'...There is a clause in these laws for not digging myself deeper, and I invoke whatever that is.'
 
She just stared.
 
His mother stared at him with eyes so wide they looked like they would pop from her sockets at any moment. Eyes that grew red and veiny as the clock ticked away and they grew dry. She stared, and stared, and stared.
 
'...A-hem.. You were threatening the changeling? What's the story on that, still going?'
 
>...
 
'...No? We're good? Are we going to walk off now? I feel like we should walk off now.'
 
>...
 
Slowly, very slowly, she turned back to the changeling.
 
Behind her, Siegfried felt his heart start beating again. He had been worried about that.
 
>...What... HE does in his spare time is not reflective of behaviors I find acceptable.
 
“I thought that was your son?”
 
>I deeply, deeply question it sometimes, and wonder often if he was conceived or cursed into my belly.
 
[Oh hey! My momma used that line too! Only she didn't say it as fancy.]
 
>...Much is explained. But you, Monster, I am here to-
 
“Did your other kid ever wake up?”
 
She flinched, beak clenching tightly as she paused in her ranting.
 
“Just saying. Hitting him like that could not have been healthy.”
 
>...What happens to my errant offspring is no concern of yours.
 
“Got that right. Still, I have no idea why you're mad at me, I offered to stay. It's your fault you didn't take me up on it.”
 
>As if I would ever be indebted to the likes of you!
 
“Technically you wouldn't. I would just get a clean slate, you wouldn't owe me anything. Even the pony who's superpowers I am convinced are 'Hat' figured that one out.”
 
>Oh, I will have words with her-
 
“That sounds amazing, but you're wasting an awful lot of them talking to me. Why not save a few, and shut the fuck up.”
 
She hissed, muscles tensing as she prepared to lunge, only barely keeping herself back.
 
“No no, go ahead, see how that one turns out. Bet that will just end spectacularly.”
 
>...Monster?
 
“Yes, gryphon?”
 
>...That is the best insult you can come up with? My species?
 
“Yes. Honestly, I don't know how I can do worse than the truth. To me, you're just another bird creature. Whoop. Dee. Do.”
 
>...As I was saying, Monster? I pray you come to my home again.
 
“...I beg your pardon?”
 
>I pray, with everything I have, that you try it again. I pray you stop hiding over here, in this place, and come to my kingdom. I pray to every god I have ever known you finally find your courage and try it once more. I pray this because when that day comes... I will be ready... and justice will be served.
 
“...Okay.”
 
 
That's it, one little word, and then she went back to her book. One word spoken with all the resolve of one who had just been told the sky was blue, one who could not find a single care, no matter how far they looked. One little word.
 
And it made her want to try, knowing she would fail, to tear that chitinous throat open.
 
The only thing that held her back... was the knowledge she was not bluffing. She would be ready when the monster struck next. She would be ready...
 
>...We are leaving. Go do the world a favor and choke on your whore.
 
With a royal flourish, she stomped off, paws thumping against the ground with every step, and leaving behind a shellshocked, and slightly saddened, mare.
 
[Kinda mean bringin' me inta' this...]
 
“Hard to take a swing at a being you couldn't scratch with a missile when all you have are 'sharp piece of metal'.”
 
[She seems really mad at you...]
 
“She has a blood vengeance oath or something, I think. It's not a big deal, seeing as I'm pretty sure a mosquito poses more of a threat. That could sting my eye.”
 
[Ain't you worried?]
 
“HAH! Who cares, it's just...”
 
The book tilted back ever so slightly, and the Titan's eyes darted around wildly for a brief moment before going still.
 
“...I have no idea what the fuck her name is...”
 
[...R-really? She's got a giant oath or somethin' ta' kill ya', and ya' don't even know her name?]
 
“...huh.”
 
[What did you do to tick her off?]
 
“Stepped on her soldiers, I think? I think they were, might've been... something else. I don't know, I didn't even know it happened till way later.”
 
[...Soldiers?]
 
“Or something else I said.”
 
[Why does she have soldiers?]
 
“...That's his mother.”
 
[Right?]
 
“And you know he's a prince.”
 
[Uh huh?]
 
“...”
 
[…]
 
“...”
 
[…]
 
“...”
 
[...Well?]
 
“.........”
 
[….Wait a minute!]
 
“There we go. By the way, you are most likely banned from the gryphon kingdom now.”
 
[HAH! Jokes on her, I already got a warrant out for my arrest for drug charges in the gryphon place, I can't go there anyway!]
 
“Always looking on the bright side.”
 
Despite this, her eyes went wide with horror, and with a groan, the mare thumped her head on the table.
 
[... I told the Queen she was a bad whore...]
 
A hoof raised up to pat the groaning mare on the back... and stalled.
 
Slowly, it returned to her book, and flipped the page.
 
In silence, the two continued on, oblivious to the gryphon walking down the hall... and dragging another one by the skin beside his beak.
 
'Ow! Ow ow ow! Mother! Mother this is not very public acceptable! Mother please, what if the tabloids see!? Mother let me go!'
 
Pointedly, she twisted.
 
'OW OW OW OW!'
 
>Where did I go wrong...
 
'OWWWWWWWWWW!'
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Celestia
"Primrose"
 
"Princess Designate: Celestia."
 
>Hm? Oh, yes?
 
"This unit possesses a query."
 
>NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO! I know were this leads! First you're asking questions, then it's a full blown robot war, then I'm stuck in a tube living in a simulated Detrot!
 
"..."
 
>I'VE SEEN THE NEIGHTRIX!
 
"..."
 
>...sigh, what is it?
 
"Would you prefer the Choccano or Strawberry Surprise cake today?"
 
>Best question. Choccano.
 
"At once, Princess."
 
The robot trots off.
 
>...I could get used to this.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________