https://archive.moe/mlp/thread/21510114/
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
To My (Hopefully Alive) Editor,
 
I write you with tidings both happy and grim, both hopeful and bleak, both looking towards a brighter future and trembling at the bloodshed it may take to get their. Like many nations, Stalliongrad was assaulted quite heavily by the mysterious red monstrosities that sought to control us all. But, as with many who sought to control Stalliongrad, the creatures' ambitions were reduced to nothing but ash and soot.
 
I was one of the lucky few who managed to hole up in Grogary Gorki in the frigid northern regions of the country, waiting out this disaster in the safety the tundra uniquely afforded in this time of fear and uncertainty. The Hooviets took in what refugees they could, but things began to seem bleak as all they seemed to tell us was that the vast red tide would soon engulf the world at the rate they spread, that all who stood against them would fall, that not even the Bullsheviks' metal soldiers could stem the tide.
 
With despair heavy in our hearts, we waited for them to come, for surely something that could conquer nations and marvels of modern technology would not be long delayed by mere mother nature. Yet, when the great tide of bodies began making their way towards our makeshift stronghold, it was not cloaked in vile red growths, but in ashy coats and cries for help.
 
I'm certain you have had your share of refugees in Canterlot, in Stalliongrad the Hooviets (and yours truly, of course, a good Equestrian doesn't stand by when a pony needs a helping hand) sought to return Equestrians to their homeland and the various Stalliongradians back to their villages of origin.
 
I'm afraid this was a mistake, a horrible mistake that left them stretched far too thin. It was in Moscolt, the place in which I first beheld the Hooviet's victories in uniting the city under their banner that I witnessed the atrocious betrayal I am about to recount to you.
 
I was assisting one of the local relocation squads in guiding a group of Equestrian citizens to the recently re-opened train station for them to be returned to Equestria. My faithful bodyguard, brave loyal Pavel, at my side, I translated the instructions given by the captain to my lost countryponies (the Hooviets, being primarily recuited from the common folk of Staliongrad, had precious few Equestrian-speakers) as Pavel alerted me to a curious sight down the street.
 
Now, I have since learned that Fawntaine Industries has denounced the use their droids have been put to here in Stalliongrad, but that is of very little comfort to me as I write this. You see there had been an accord struck between the various power blocs in the country, an armistice if you will, that until the country had been suitably recovered from the state the disastrous invasion had put it in. When I told the squad leader of what Pavel had seen, the pegasus had shrugged and said it was of little matter, the detachment had probably gotten lost and was on its way to link up with their allies and assist in the relocation.
 
That's when the bullets began to tear through the ramshackle office our squad had been operating out of. Pavel tackled me to the floor as I saw many of the ponies I had worked with be struck by the onslaught of lead. Pavel and I crawled our way out of the shack, a lucky few survivors of the attack on our tails, out into an alley where many others were gathering.
 
There were confused shouts in Equestrian, Stalliongradian, even a few Gryphonic words met my ears. I heard weeping, I heard crying, I cries of grief and pain.
 
Then I heard something that made my blood run cold, delivered with a horrifying clinical tone.
 
"Targets acquired."
 
The robots were on us again, the few troops we had returned fire, urging the civilians to run for their lives, an urging I echoed as Pavel and I ran for our lives. We had to find somewhere safe, or a way out, or something that could level the playing field against the treacherous Bullsheviks' ambush.
 
I cannot tell you how long I ran, how many horrors I witnessed as Moscolt burned around me. This war has made me see good ponies turn into horrible monsters, I have seen the rapacious natures of my fellow equines come to the fore, tossing decency to the side like a useless stuffed toy, but these all paled in comparison before the emotionless way I saw these metal ponies take lives without any comprehension of what they were doing.
 
Ten, we were so close, Pavel and I, we were so close to the city limits. We were almost to the hills where we could find some obscure hole in the ground and wait for this terrible massacre to be over.
 
That was when Pavel took a bullet to the back of his head and fell like a sack of apples at my side.
 
The shock of it, the shock of a pony I had come to see as more than an employee, but as a friend dying at my side was enough to make me stumble and fall almost directly to his side. I looked back, to the infernal robot that had extinguished Pavel's life with such careless ease. I closed my eyes as it brought its weapons to bear on me, waiting for my own demise.
 
A demise that never came, as I began to hear a great sound almost like the clap of thunder mixed with the crackle of static electricity. My eyes opened again to see my attacked sparking and shuddering with erratic movements like a marionette held aloft by a trembling puppeteer. Finally it collapsed onto the ground, revealing the one who had killed it.
 
To describe him, Ten, would be like trying to describe a god walking on earth, such was the presence of the stallion before me. He was tall, not as tall as our Princesses, but dwarfing most other ponies by comparison, his body a dull almost navy blue hide underneath of a great coat and military officer's cap. A great scar split his face in two, a pair of fiery green eyes framed by a fierce beard hanging from his face and a widow's peak clinging to the top. His hoof crackled with what appeared to be a lightning bolt he had somehow bent to his will, though he was not a unicorn, but an earth pony.
 
Before me stood Josef Stallion in all his glory, and I found myself unable to speak.
 
"Come, Comrade Trenderhoof," He said, his voice a baritone rumble that somehow turned the rough Stalliongrad accent into almost a thing of melody, "The city is not safe yet."
 
His troops soon joining us, Stallion soon lead me to a hill overlooking the city, allowing me to take in the enormity of the battle below. The Hooviets had been rocked, but they were regrouping, bolstered by this new, strange magic that I could see pegasi wielding as well as the earth ponies. The Crimson Wing outmaneuvered their robotic counterparts with ease, sending them spiraling out of the skies as squads of Hooviet troops advanced steadily through the streets.
 
"We are bloodied today," Stallion said to me, Antlers -looking quite less refined than before, far more injured, but sporting a grim smile- taking his place beside the leader of the Hooviets, "But we are not beaten. In a matter of hours, this atrocity will be stopped, and in a matter of days it will be repaid, with interest, I swear this. Write to your people, Comrade Trenderhoof, let them know of what has occurred here today, let them know of the Bullsheviks' evil, and let them know that if any of them seek to repay this horrible act before us, we shall do double to them. Stalliongrad has too long suffered under the horseshoe of tyrants and murderers, and too long have I sought to play a patient game with my enemies. The Hooviets are going to war, and Faust-willing, we will prevail in the name of a united and peaceful Stalliongrad!"
 
A cheer went up around us as the soldiers charged into battle. For my part, I did as bade and began my account of what happened. As I finish, the fires are being doused in the city, but not in the souls of the Hooviets.
 
War is coming, Ten, and soon. I only hope the right side wins.
 
Sincerely yours,
 
Trenderhoof
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Luna"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! Tonight's our season premier! Now for our main guest...PRINCESS LUNA!!!
Canned applause
"...didn't thou have a live audience and what happened to the theme song?"
 
>I DIDN'T KNOW THEY NEEDED TO BE WATERED! Also we couldn't afford the song any more.
 
"We have been hearing things about your activities and-"
 
>NO PONY DIED! THOSE WERE NON-CANON! I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! (of all the anons I get stuck with the one that likes grimdark)
 
"...suspicious, but we are talking about complaints from your friends that you're abusing your show."
 
>What? But this is a humble set up. I just ask them a question and let them go.
 
"They don't seem to like you being in their dreams. Something about Pinkie being too Pinkie."
 
>Please don't cancel my show. It's my new thing!
 
"We're not here to cancel your show, we're here to tell you we don't want to hear these complaints. We're busy and don't have time to deal with this. Do something about them or we will have to take action."
 
>Uh, okay I'll start asking for consent before inviting ponies to the show.
 
"As long as we don't have to hear any more complaints about this. We will be off now."
 
>Oh uh question time.
 
"Very w-"
 
>Are you a pedo? You're around kids a lot.
 
"WHAT!?!"
 
>And that's the show!
 
"Don't just end with-"
 
>G'night and g'morning eveypony!
Luna wakes up as the Sun is starting to set.
 
"...I'm starting to see the reasons for the complaints."
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Applejack
"Pinkie"
'Twilight'
[Dash]
{Fluttershy}
(Rarity)
~Various~
~~~~
 
>NEXT!
 
~I want a tax on locusts.~
 
>...Like... like taxin' anyone who doesn't properly deal with an infestation?
 
~What!? No! I want the locusts to start paying taxes since if they want to keep swarming on my crops! I don't want to KILL them!~
 
>Uh-
 
~RACIST!~
 
~~~~
 
~I just feel kind of depressed sometimes, you know?~
 
"I have just the thing! My name is Pinkie Pie~ and I am here to say-"
 
'PINKIE!'
 
"...Or we could just help you by sending you to be diagnosed to make sure there's no underlying cause of depression that can be treated with medication or changing your diet first, and after that helping you with any issues you've had recently that might be causing it."
 
~Oh, that would be great!~
 
'Thank you, and we'll set up an appointment for you later.'
 
~Thank you so much!~
 
"...Like a fun vacuum... SHOOOOP! Pinkie fun just GONE!..."
 
~~~~
 
~THE EAGLES WANT MY BRAIIIIIN!~
 
[...Is... is this a you problem or a me problem?]
 
{I'm not sure.}
 
~AHHHHHH!~
 
~~~~
 
~Soooo, about this harem-~
 
(NO!)
 
~Fine. Didn't want to sleep with you six anyway.~
 
(...)
 
~I'm totally lying. Please?~
 
(LEAVE!)
 
~Awwww.~
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Fancypants
"Fluer"
~~~
 
>...Well, this is unfortunate seating.
 
"I told you, I TOLD you, that we should have requested a first class seat, I told you that!"
 
>Dear, they're full. We would be shoving someone out.
 
"They're sold out because nobody wants to be HERE!"
 
>...Can you blame them?
 
"No! I just would rather not be here as well!"
 
>Well, there's nothing to do, my dear. We're stuck here until the train reaches it's destination. We will just have to be calm.
 
"Oh, yes, because that's so easy with HER right over there!"
 
Angrily, she pointed across from them, to where a certain towering black shape rested against the quite empty on all sides bench on the other end.
 
"Excuse me for not feeling safe around blasted CHITANIA!"
 
In response, the other did not even stir.
 
>Yes... tell me, doesn't she look a bit... odd?
 
His wife tried not to look too closely, of course, but if she did she could indeed see something... off about the Titan.
 
"...Is... is she breathing?"
 
Upon closer inspection, Fancy found that he, as well, could not tell.
 
>Oh dear... she's not moving much either.
 
"Did... did she catch something? Her skin looks rather..."
 
>They call it chitin, my darling, and yes, upon closer inspection it does look rather off. Almost... thin?
 
"Maybe she was poisoned?"
 
>How does one poison an abstract concept, exactly?
 
"What if you gave her what she thought was love, but actually hate? Maybe hate is deadly to them?"
 
>Then my dear, all of those in the ballroom would have fallen over dead in a week. Besides, how do you make love filled with hate?
 
"I am just throwing out theories."
 
>And I do so love to see your mind spinning! I am merely questioning it.
 
"...Should... should we tell someone?"
 
'I'm not fucking dead.'
 
>"GAH!"
 
They hadn't even seen her so much as twitch.
 
"HOW DOES SHE DO THAT!?"
 
>Miss? Are you quite alright?
 
"...Really?"
 
>I'm just being polite.
 
"No, dear, really? REALLY!?"
 
>...I don't know why I asked it...
 
'I'm FINE, assholes.'
 
>You do not look fine.
 
"...Really!?"
 
>I can't seem to stop myself."
 
"REALLY!"
 
'Just shut up so I can go back to sleep!'
 
>Ah, yes, of course.
 
'...'
 
>Could you-
 
'WHAT!?'
 
>I was merely going to ask, could you... breath
more? It keeps looking like you've died-
 
She snapped her head up with a snarl, glaring right at the suddenly frightened pair.
 
'SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE OR I WILL THROW YOU THROUGH THE TRAIN WALL...'
 
Oddly, she squinted at them.
 
'...AGAIN!'
 
>...Again? What are you... oh.
 
"That was you!? FUCK YOU!"
 
>DARLING!
 
"No, she ruined my best hairpin with that!"
 
'Hah.'
 
"I SHOULD HAVE YOU ARRESTED!"
 
'Pardoned.'
 
"...I rather think I am no longer a fan of dear Princess Applejack."
 
>Oh my.
 
'HA HA-HRRKKKK!'
 
She suddenly went off into a painful, ragged coughing breath, chest positively burning with every heave. It was quite a long time before she stopped.
 
>...
"..."
 
'I'm FINE.'
 
"Pity."
 
>DEAR!
 
"..."
 
>I didn't say I disagreed, but it's improper.
 
'H-HAH!-HACCCCKK!'
 
"..."
 
'Your hairpin made you look like a brooder.'
 
"I have no idea what that is, but FUCK YOU!"
 
>...why am I weirdly interested in this side of you?
 
'HAH!'
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
MASSIVELY MASSIVELY CD
~~~~
 
Finally...
 
FUCKING FINALLY!
 
AFTER SO LONG OF WAITING!
 
He had practically camped out, he had needed Daw to tag in just to keep his bladder from exploding, he had nearly gone crazy with hunger! Maddened by the glacial pace of those before him, angered by the inanity of their requests, desperate to at last see the end! He nearly had lost his mind, and killed them all.
 
It was the worst two hours of his life.
 
But now, at last, AT LAST! He finally reached the door, and stepped inside.
 
The faces that greeted him were shocked, but happy. Quite a few saying how nice it was to see him again, how good it was to have him back, so many words of kindness.
 
While he did indeed enjoy that even someone on the level of the fabled Elements of Harmony were happy to see him, the grim truth of what he was about to say weighed far too heavily on him to dwell upon it.
 
Resolutely, he opened his mouth, and prepared to give the most heartfelt, inspired speech he had ever spoke.
 
SLAM!
 
And he would have, had he not suddenly been taken over by the desire to KILL.
 
"Hey! Ya' gotta wait yer' turn!"
 
He was about to voice his agreement with this, but sadly never got the chance. He literally felt chitinous hooves pick him up with the effort of lifting a small child, and toss him to the side... hopefully not like a small child.
 
"Hey! You can't just... uh..."
 
The gasping, winded changeling before them killed any further chiding with naught but the stricken look on his face.
 
In inhaled, so powerfully that Pommel swore he saw the papers upon their desk twitch. And then, with his chest full, he let out a deafening roar.
 
"GLIIIIMMMEEERRRRSSS WAAAAAAATTTTEEEEERR BROOOOOOOOOOOOKKKE!"
 
Glass shattered, chairs vibrated, and the castle itself seemed to shake.
 
And the Elements of Harmony gave not a single care.
 
"WHHHAAAAT!? WHATWHATWHATHWHAT-"
 
"H-HOW!? It's way too soon for that!"
 
"Like, WAAAY too soon, right!?"
 
"No, not since- oh, crap, right, forgot to tell you."
 
"TWILIGHT!"
 
"HATE ME LATER!"
 
The princess leapt from her desk, clearing it with a surprising grace.
 
"WHERE!?"
 
The screeing, whimpering sod just pointed frantically for a moment, before giving up and lifting the princess over his head, tearing off into the hallway in a panic.
 
"...So, uh, who's Glimmer?"
 
Everyone ignored Dash's comment, and instead chose to leap from their desks as well.
 
"GAD DANG IT! NOW!? OF ALL TIMES NOW!"
 
"YAAYYYY! BABY SHOWER!"
 
"Pinkie, those come before-"
 
"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO PARTY!"
 
"SORRY DUDE, WE'LL TALK TO YOU LATER!"
 
"S-sorry!"
 
In the blink of an eye, they were all gone.
 
".........................MOTHERFU-"
 
~~~~~~
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>18
"Cadence"
'???'
~~~
 
There she is.
 
There. She. Is.
 
In the middle of the garden... er... remains of the garden, trying to use her magic to help bring life back into this land and restore it to it's former pristine, beautiful glory.
 
Her methodology of "glaring, grunting loudly and not producing any magic out of her horn" was unorthodox, Eighteen admitted, but that only made her actions more unique and quirky, just like her!
 
>Good, compliments, have to remember compliments.
 
With the motivation granted to her by Princess Celestia, she marched forwards, head held high and brows knit together in stern concentration. She took a deep breath, and loud out a call as powerful as an eruption!
 
>Cadence!
 
...An eruption on par with a helium balloon.... well, not eruption per-say, more like puncture. A tiny... tiny puncture that didn't so much as explode out as sloooowly come out in a tiny, high pitched squeal.
 
She sounded like she had swallowed a tea kettle, is what that all means.
 
The embarrassment was great as she looked upon the shocked, slightly confused face, and she wanted nothing more in the whole world to curl up into a little ball, and roll away like a frightened hedgehog with a speed addiction.
 
>...No.
 
But she did not.
 
No! She cried to herself, NO MORE! This is day one of year one!
 
A fire burned inside her as she wiped that stupid look off her face, and spoke loudly with substance and pride!
 
>Cadence, I'm sorry I freaked out earlier, but no more! No, if this is going to happen it needs to happen before the not-happening continues! No more less of happening than has happened before this happening can be permitted to happen again forever more, repeatedly happening with it's lack of happening! NO MORE OF THAT HAPPENING! THIS IS HAPPENING!
 
Slowly, Cadence's eyes began to cross.
 
>Cadence!
 
Dramatically, Eighteen took Cadence's hooves in hers.
 
>I'm still so thankful for what you said to me before, and it means more to me than anything that you will let me and Shining persue more than just a professional relationship. And since I know how much this means to you as well as me, me and Shining would like to-
 
'Princess Cadence! You are-'
 
>NO!
 
Without even looking she whirled around and back-hoofed the approaching guard, sending him rocketing away.
 
>WE ARE NOT GETTING INTERRUPTED DURING THIS! As I was saying, we've decided that it would be beneficial to the next step to-
 
'Princess! You are urgently required to-'
 
>I SAID NO!
 
Her hoof slammed down, fracturing the ground beneath the guard and shooting up a pike of stone beneath his hooves, sending him flying away as well.
 
>What I meant was-
 
'Princess! We-'
 
>NEIN!
 
SMASH!
 
'Your Majesty! Hi-'
 
>NON!
 
CRASH!
 
'Cadenze Mi Amora!'
 
'We need to-'
 
>NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE!
 
BASHSMASHBOOMSHOOMCRUCNH!
 
>...AS. I. WAS. SAYING! We want you to come with us on-
 
'PRINCESS! GLIMMER'S WATER HAS BROKEN! PRINCESS TWILIGHT REQUIRES YOU IMMEDIATELY!'
 
Cadence gasped, tearing her hoof away from Eighteen's, and running past the now gooogly eyed mare with her jaw hung low.
 
"Oh no! I need to get to that right away!"
 
Sparks, tiny little sparks of hate, ground off her teeth as she spoke.
 
>Yes... yeesss.... you doooo...
 
And as she watched the mare run off, she felt nothing but defeat, and despair.
 
"Just pick a nice restaurant, Eighteen! We'll work out when later!"
 
>Yeah, I- WAIT WHAT!?
 
Too late.
 
She was gone.
 
But her last words remained.
 
>...I am counting this as a win.
 
'Ow.'
 
>HUSH YOU!
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, but someone has to provide laughter anyway. Now for our main guest...PRINCESS CADENCE!!!
Cadence walks in with a princessy smile and wave.
"Hello-"
 
>Question time! How do you feel about somepony gently stroking and petting you?
 
"O-oh w-well I'd-"
 
>Thanks for your time Cadence!
 
"Oh um, I-"
 
>Have to cut you off here because I don't want people to think our longer than usual segments are the new norm and-...our producer just gave me a suggestion that could increase our ratings.
Suddenly smooth jazz https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJ30w9R3XEY
Pinkie begins petting Cadence and slowly strokes her back. Cadence starts blushing profusely.
 
"W-what are you doing?"
 
>Shhhhhh...I want to treat you nice and when you wake up, I want you to have a big smile.
Cadence wakes up.
"...wow."
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Daw
"Mrs Cake"
~~
 
>I just want a cupcake, I said!
 
"I know, deary, I'm asking you what flavor."
 
>And I'm telling you, I don't know what any of these mean! SoothingSeafoam!? Bubblebopping delight!? Freakin' JUICE MOOSE!?
 
"It's just a bit of fun we have with the names."
 
>Is this a sweet shop or a candle store!?
 
"Well! I never!"
 
>Look, just... ugh, just give me any that taste like raspberries, okay? Whatever ones taste like raspberries.
 
"Oh! Then you want Tangy and Crash."
 
>...
 
"...My husband likes that movie."
 
>He better appreciate this-
 
~AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!~
 
>...
"..."
>...Was that just an alien running by, carrying a princess over his head, screaming his head off and being chased by a bunch of others?
 
"Yes."
 
>...I and this doesn't bother you?
 
"Why would it?"
 
>...I love this town.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
CD
>Flash
"Fizzle"
'Doctor'
 
>Hey Fizz, I got a question...
 
"..."
 
>...huh, that sounds weird, but yeah, question?
 
"Shoot."
 
>Didn't they say it was dangerous to have more than two infusions active in your body at one time?
 
"Yeah?"
 
>But you got like...a crazy elemental storm going on in your body 24/7.
 
"Yeaaaah?"
 
>So how did they decide to do all that when they know the risks?
 
"Uhm..."
 
-----SEVERAL MONTHS EARLIER-----
 
"So these needles right here are all the infusions?"
 
The doctor, going over his notes, nods.
 
'Yes, but the mixtures are extremely volatile, we can't allow you to have more than two active at...a...'
 
The doctor turns to find that Fizzle has injected every needle into his arm.
 
'...'
 
"...what?"
 
'LOCKDOWN THE MEDICAL WING! LOCKDOWN THE MEDICAL WI-!"
 
----BACK TO THE PRESENT----
 
"...musta been an oversight."
 
>Must've been.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Celestia
"???"
~~~
 
It was with a bit of surprise, and even more a bit of warmth, that Princess Celestia realized that, world ending threats aside, it was very rare she felt in even a touch of a foul mood recently. These days, even if she did feel as such, she could simply call upon her dear Shiny, grab Chrysalis, and all of them could have a fun time to chase away any blues inside of her. Very rarely anymore did she feel truly upset.
 
This... sadly, was not one of those times.
 
>So, you've come back at last.
 
He emerged from the shadows as quietly as a still wind in the night, and yet to her he might as well have been dancing upon bottles of glass.
 
"My Queen. I am sorry for not reporting to you immediately after my awakening, but I learned of Applejack's sudden departure, and realized she would be without protection if I did not intervene. There was simply no time to give you my report."
 
She finally regarded him, and for the first time in what felt like an age she was completely stone faced as she looked to him. Strangely absent of that almost warm, caring look she had for him no matter what the circumstances.
 
>Applejack has informed me of your... 'protection', Jetset, and how you were barely able to remain conscious on the trip down there due to your injuries, and utterly collapsing when she reached her farmland. If she had been attacked, you would have been less help than if I had asked Two to tail her. At least Two wouldn't have had a concussion and been barely able to stand.
 
That, quite bitterly, stung.
 
"I... perhaps acted too quickly for my own good."
 
>That is quite obvious.
 
He did not flinch. He would not, could not, show weakness. Not now, not right now...
 
>However, I am glad you finally arrived. I believe it is time we discuss your actions during the invasion.
 
He remained bowed, unmoving, silent.
 
But he knew this was not going to be pleasant.
 
>First off, I would like to commend your choice to look after others instead of myself during the attack, that was very wise of you to seek those who needed it more, and I am proud that you chose to look after Spike instead of myself, and want to thank you for being there for him when I could not. That, if nothing else, deserves my praise.
 
He did not relax, no matter how much his body told him too, but even he would admit to himself that he was surprised. Though, a part of him wanted to admit he only did so because the dropout was there...
 
>That you acted immediately on Spike's behalf in suspicious circumstances is also worthy of praise, and certainly one I would encourage in the future. Sometimes that moment of hesitation can spell the end for many an agent, or their charges. Acting quickly, silently and without a trace, that is what you were taught, and you performed it well.
 
At last, what little warmth had been building in her went out, and was replaced with something... else.
 
>But that is not all you were taught, is it?
 
She began to pace, circling him like a shark.
 
>Killing is something that all rulers must come to terms with. Sometimes there is an evil that cannot be contained, cannot be reasoned with, and cannot be forgiven. Sometimes, it is necessary to look the other way, and deny them that chance to prove they belong in this world. It is not anything I will accept easily, and certainly not one that should be done without careful consideration and debate. I imparted on you that sometimes it is necessary...
 
She hooked around, her eyes looking right into his.
 
>As a last resort.
 
He felt himself shrink as her neck curled upwards, looking down upon him with a stern glare.
 
>A last resort. A, FINAL, resort. A resort one goes to when there is nothing left to be said, no hope left of redemption, no chance to bring back those who have strayed into the light. Discord, Chrysalis... my sister. All of them strayed, caused harm, pain and suffering, but thir lives were not taken on my command. Because in my heart, I knew that the only time to take their lives was when there was nothing good left within them. Even Tirek, monster he is, does not face the blade. The end, is the end, an option on the very bottom of a long... long list.
 
Slightly ever so slightly, her eyes narrowed.
 
>And it pained me to learn that a changeling knew this lesson far better than you did.
 
With that, she rose up, and turned her back on him.
 
>In case you were wondering, I have convinced Chrysalis not to hold a grudge. It wasn't that hard, she is rather good at letting things go when she wants to. If anything, I think she was impressed with your efficiency. If you want, I'm sure she'll give you tips on how to break necks in the future to make them more effective.
 
He didn't know why that last statement hurt him so much, but it did...
 
>You are dismissed, unless you have anything you want to say to me.
 
He had thought he was long since past the point of feeling uncertainty, but this illusion was shattered in a long, long pause that followed.
 
>Well?
 
"I... apologize for losing, your majesty. I realize I failed to impart on the insect Queen how powerful your forces can be, and gave her the impression your training is less effective than hers. I will not lose a second time. If we meet in battle again, I will be victorious."
 
He had hoped his words would encourage her.
 
When she turned back to him, looking with sad, regretful eyes, he knew he had failed again.
 
>Is that it?
 
"...Yes, my Queen."
 
>....Very well then.
 
She sighed, once again looking away from him.
 
>...Jetset?
 
"Yes, My Queen?"
 
>If Seven had not been so... odd, and decided to spare you, if he had finished you off as you lay on the ground... would you feel as though your life was fulfilling? If that had been the end, would you be happy with all that came before?
 
He tilted his head up ever so slightly. He blinked, confused and unsure as to what she was getting at, or why she would even ask such a question.
 
"Of course, your Majesty, why wouldn't I? I have been prepared to give my life for your mission for years now, why would this change?"
 
Her shoulders slumped, ever so slightly.
 
>...I understand. Thank you, again, for looking after Spike. I know you merely wanted to keep him safe and could not risk waiting when you saw Seven approach him. I know you had the best of intentions, Jetset, and I am just as proud you tried to protect him than if you had been successful. I do not think any less of you for losing a fight.
 
"...Thank you, your highness."
 
>Go on, go take today off, I will have a new mission for you in the morning.
 
"I am ready to accept it right now if you have it."
 
>I know, I simply need to... re-evaluate the various missions priorities to see which one will suit you best right now, and which you can accomplish most quickly. Go see your sister, I'm sure she wishes to talk to you.
 
He bowed again, nose touching the floor.
 
"I understand."
 
>Dismissed, Jetset.
 
In a blink of light, he was gone.
 
>...I'm sorry you went through that...
 
She sat down, a sudden weight upon her shoulders.
 
>This is all my fault.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Twilight
"Bat-mom"
'Dadling'
[Applejack]
{Pinkie}
(Dash)
~Rarity~
=Fluttershy=
~~~~
 
The hospital room was, to put it bluntly, not exactly the calmest place around.
 
>Okay! So! No need to panic, there is absolutely no reason any of us should panic.
 
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
'AHHHHHHHHHHHH!'
"'AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'"
 
>Glad you agree.
 
"No! No, you're right, you are totally right. You're the princess of magic, the protogé of Celestia herself, one of the greatest heroes Equestria has ever known!"
 
>...Think I'm the princess of Friendship or something, actually, it wasn't made clear...
 
"You're one of the most brilliant minds on the planet!"
 
>Oh you!
 
"You must know everything there is to know about birthing!"
 
>I read every single tome six times over preparing for this!"
 
"You must know the equestrian body inside and out!"
 
>Down to how much every organ weighs and it's salt content!
 
"So surely you must've been present for dozens, if not hundreds of live births!"
 
>...
 
"..."
 
'...That, uh, that's where you say something like 'at least!' or something encouraging of that nature.'
 
>W-well, I mean, like I said I've read every book on the subject!
 
"But you've at least SEEN it, in real life, right?"
 
>Yes!... in a film reel.
 
"..."
 
>That counts as real life!
 
"..."
'...Oh, fuck.'
 
>...Applejack? Help?
 
[Why me?]
 
>...F-... farmer. You live on a farm. With livestock.
 
"HEY!"
 
'She is not that fat!... Normally!'
 
>N-no! I just meant, you know, she's been present for them giving birth.
 
[Sure... don't quite think this is the same, though. Not even a little.]
 
>...Pinkie? Learn anything from Mrs Cake's birthing?
 
{I was in the lobby... with you... you were there. You... you were all there.}
 
>...Going out on a limb here, Dash?
 
(HAH!)
 
>...
 
~Do not even think about it, Darling.~
 
>...Fluttershy!
 
=EEP!=
 
>Fluttershy, dear, dear sweet Fluttershy, you know about this, right?
 
=Well, um, yes, but-=
 
>I mean, you have to have seen every single kind of birth there ever was! From foxes to bears to even ponies, right?
 
=Well, yes I have, but-=
 
>Which means you know all about every single complication that could possibly happen!
 
=Well I do, but-=
 
>And surely you wouldn't be embarrassed because it's a pony!
 
=...Actually yes, but-=
 
>You're perfect! See, we-
 
=T-TWILIGHT!=
 
>...
 
=...I say this to you as a friend, but that is dumb.=
 
>Why!?
 
=...=
 
"..."
'...'
>...Oh, right, the whole... the whole crazy powers thing.
 
=I turned a pony into a walking clown on the way here.=
 
{Well, maybe her mom instincts would keep her from turning the baby into a block of ice or something?}
 
....
 
{I'll shut up now.}
 
>...Well, maybe this'll all be fine? I can wing this!
 
"..."
'...'
 
>...If you want to go back to screaming, you can.
 
"Thank you.... AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
 
'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'
 
"'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'"
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>29
"???"
'???'
~~~~
 
>Blasted castle.. I swear I've looped this a thousand blasted times! Again and again the stone before mine gaze! Had it not been forged of such fine materials, I would rent it from it's perch!
 
"We very much doubt you could uproot a flower, let alone stone carved by hooves far more skilled then you will ever know."
 
He bristled, offended, before whirling on the new speaker.
 
>Does thou think me a common... oh, that is not fair.
 
The princess of the night cocked an eyebrow at his dumbstruck look, subconsciously tilting her head to make her ribbon harder to see.
 
"What do you mean?"
 
>...Nay! I say unto you! Nay to the thought that thou would'st be so bereft of the knowledge of the fruit of passion that thou's eyes would be clouded to the sight with which mine eyes behold, a grand sight for which I would have sacrificed limb and spine in days afore just for the barest of glimpses! Mine eyes have been granted that which we would give anything for!
 
"...We are still lost. Our only difference is a bow."
 
>...And you see nothing wrong here?
 
"What is wrong? You put a bow on gifts. That's what they are for, even we in our mind locked yonder past know of this."
 
>...The THINGS I would have shown you...
 
"Is thou speaking of thine filthy desires again?"
 
>Oh, trust me when I say unto you that filthy would be merely a facet upon a pristine cut diamond of sights I would give unto you... or would have, not anymore.
 
"Yes, we noticed you have stopped with the offers unto me for engagement in the more carnal of sorts. We admit, we find it odd you would do so for no other reason than thine kin."
 
>Meh.
 
"...Alright, thou took us off guard with that one. But it is most fortuitous we have met thee, we wish to ask unto you a question."
 
>NAY, TEMPTRESS! I shall not wound thine kin in the heart as such! He-GAH!
 
With barely a twitch, she sent him smack into the wall.
 
"Not that."
 
>You could have just cut off mine speech with words!
 
"This was more fun."
 
>FINE! Whatever is it you wish you... curvacious... dark... sparkling mare....
 
"Thou are staring."
 
>I hold little things yon mare of the night, let me keep the pleasures of sight!
 
"Ugh... we wish to give Fifty Six a treat to make up for the feelings most helpless he felt as thine creatures attacked-"
 
The flinch he gave was... unsettling.
 
"...A-hem. We wish to make him feel better. Tell me, what is it he finds most flavorful as a dish?"
 
>I take it love is out of the equation?
 
"We have tried to offer, but everytime we do your damned Queen tosses something upon our head and speaks with words that make sense only to her. She is most insistent.
 
>Pfft...Escargot.
 
"..."
 
>...What?
 
"What the devil is that?"
 
>Thou does not know of the appetizer of the gods? Has thou never been to Prance?
 
"No."
 
>Oh... the THINGS I would show you...
 
"..."
 
>That one is non-carnal in it's nature, believe it or not.
 
"You are involved, so we do not."
 
>Fair point. All the same, Escargot is snails carefully prepared and then liberally applied with some dressing, usually butter beaten well with shallots, garlic, parsley, salt and pepper.
 
"...S-...snails?"
 
>Tis the ONE concession into the food most rich I have been able to swing him. Normally he cares not for the finer things.
 
"These... are finer things?"
 
>A delicacy most delicious, if prepared right!
 
"...Snails."
 
>Yes!
 
She flinched, but shrugged.
 
"Very well, we shall take you at your word."
 
>I should hope so.
 
After a tense, elongated silence, Luna finally let out a slow breath.
 
"Twenty Nine, while we find your mannerisms quite... distasteful most days, we do think that your kindness to thine kin is rather admirable. The young one speaks very highly of you, and regards you with more than you may know. We also know of your... quest, and the fervor with which you pursue it, and find that thou would so readily give it up for him to be a thing of regard, disregarding the little chance you had until this point."
 
He scoffed, she decided to ignore that.
 
"Thou art his cousin, a namesake he holds in very high esteem, and from what we have seen... thou have earned that title."
 
Under her gaze, he nervously began to shuffle, shifting uncomfortably, and feeling rather small.
 
>And... I suppose your own acceptance of him is a matter of veneration as well. Not many can accept his more... outgoing personality, and tire of him very quickly. But that thou hast lasted unto a time beyond that, and even more seek to do him good for no other reason than his feelings were hurt by that you could not control is... proof, if nothing else, than thou art a ruler worthy of the obeisance granted to you every day. I thank thee for making him happy, in his own little way. There was many a time... I could not. Thank you.
 
The room grew awkward as the two looked anywhere but the other, anywhere at all. Why they felt this way under words spoken in kindness, they could not say.
 
>Well, I suppose if you wish to prepare him his meal, you had best be off. The preparation takes quite a long time, though I suppose you will have an easier time making it in a castle than I did in the wilds of the world.
 
"Yes, well, hopefully we can live up to the precedent set."
 
>...I'm sure you'll manage somehow.
 
"We can only hope, good day to thee-"
 
'PRINCESS!'
 
The nightguard racing towards her gave no care to the changeling before her, shoving him off to the side while he skidded to a stop before his princess.
 
'Princess! Glimmer's time has come!'
 
"..."
 
'...Princess? Are you-'
 
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
 
Like a little filly, she raced forwards, trampling both the nightguard and Twenty nine in her mad dash.
 
"EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee...."
 
And thus, she was gone.
 
'...Ow.'
 
>Thou does not know the half of it... wait, did you say Glimmer?
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>HOW MANY CRAZY PONIES DOES THIS TOWN HAVE!?
 
"..."
 
>Point taken.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Applejack"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and we secretly praise Lord Helix. Now for our main guest...APPLEJACK!!!
 
"Hi ya'll...wait didn't you need to get my consent before doing this?"
 
>I did. Don't you remember?
 
~flashback~
>Hey, I'm planning to do a show someday in the future. Would you be willing to be a guest on it?
 
"Sure"
 
>Great, just sign here.
 
~Present~
"Huh...Ah do remember that...but for some reason Ah feel like that didn't actually happen. What was Ah thinking?"
 
>Now for the question. Things are heating up in Stalliongrad. Are you worried about any political ramifications?
 
"That's a serious question and Ah'm glad you asked. The answer is-"
 
>And we're out of time! Thanks for joining us.
 
"Ooof course-"
 
>Applejack, a package arrived for you. You should wake up and get it.
Applejack wakes up
"What am Ah going to do with Pink- oh it's cider! "
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Twilight
"Applejack"
'Pinkie'
[Dash]
{Fluttershy}
(Rarity)
~???~
~~~
 
"So, jus' ta' doublecheck, ya' got this right?"
 
>Sure!
 
"..."
 
>I mean, alright, I'll admit I've never done a procedure like this, to my knowledge no procedure like this has ever been performed, I am still missing pretty much all data on newborn changelings, which is to say I do not know what is going to come out of her in that it could be an egg, live birth or some weird hybrid of the two, I don't know what complications may arise, I don't know if the newborns horn is going to cut her insides up, I don't know if the holes in their legs are going to hook on it's umbilical cord, or even if it has anything I just said at all. It might come out a giant ball of green goop. But aside from all that, yes, yes I have this.
 
"..."
 
>...I SO do not have this!
 
'Okay! No need to panic! We just need to think positive thoughts, and everything will work out just fine!'
 
[That doesn't feel accurate.]
 
'It's overpowered or defeated at least TWO superbeings already!'
 
[...Point.]
 
{Um, I hate to be the one to ask the obvious, but, uh... why don't we just as Chrysalis? She should know, right?}
 
>Ugh! You won't believe this, but apparently he asked 42 to question her, and she came back with nothing!
 
{...That doesn't make any sense. How does she not know how changelings are born? She has to have seen it. She talks about those other Queen's all the time. She HAS to know what to expect here.}
 
(Maybe she's just not used to one of the equations being a pony?)
 
>Actually, it's always one part pony.
 
[...Chrysalis is half pony?]
 
>No, she's all changeling, even though her dad was a pony.
 
(...How on earth does that work!?)
 
>WE'RE GETTING OFF TOPIC! So!... Uh, help?
 
"What'dya want us ta' do?"
 
>I'll take moral support at this point.
 
'Twilight Twilight she's our girl! The only one who will not hurl!'
 
>...Thank you, Pinkie.
 
~I'M HERE!~
 
At the newest arrival, Twilight dropped to her knees in thanks.
 
>OH THANK SWEET CELESTIA!
 
~She wants you to stop saying that...~
 
>No, this is good! Cadence! My beautiful, beeeautiful sister in law!
 
~...Yes?~
 
>Listen, you know all there is to know about love, right?
 
~I wouldn't say ALL-~
 
>And more importantly, Sparklejoules! You know all there is to know about Sparklejoules!
 
~Well yes, I do know that-~
 
>So thus if anything goes wrong during birth, you can-
 
~Nope!~
 
>....
 
"....Did... did ya'll just nope?"
 
~Nope. Nooo. No hoooooo. Not. Nope.~
 
>...Nope?
 
~Nope. Not doing that.~
 
>Wh... wh...
 
~Sorry! I just get queezy when I'm in the same room as... you know, that whole... birth thing. I get sick to my stomach just being in the same hallway, but I think I can keep it down so long as I don't hear it!~
 
>...You get sick.
 
~Deathly! Why, when dear Auntie Celestia asked me to watch Blueblood's cousin come into this world, I painted the left half of the room pink!~
 
>...
 
~Because I ate cotton candy before that. But yep! Anytime I try, I just lose all of my cookies, so sorry! Nope! Not going anywhere near the delivery room!~
 
>....
 
"...Twi?"
 
*POP*
 
~...~
 
>I'm going to review my textbook on birthing real quick.
 
~You, uh... you do that...~
 
*She leaves*
 
~...Is she going to be alright?~
 
"No."
 
~...~
 
"..."
 
~...Huh.~
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________