_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Aj18
"Crystal guard"
~~~~~~~~
 
>...Where the hell is everyone!?
 
"Gone."
 
>GAH! How long have you been standing there!?
 
"Since six in the morning."
 
>...Oh, right, I set your patrol and everything.
 
"That you did, 18."
 
>Er, whatever do you mean?
 
"I mean your name. Applejack 18."
 
>...Shoot, saw right through that one, didn't you?
 
"Not hard. Her Majesty's crown has a different number of jewels today. She mixed it up last night."
 
>Wait, how did you know I wasn't 29?
 
"He's off with her highness. Speaking of, fair warning, if they come back and the princess looks like she wants to see you, I'd run."
 
>...Noted. Thanks for the heads up, guardy. Can I call you guardy?
 
"My name is Ironwall."
 
>Guardy it is! Shiny off with her?
 
"The Prince had his own event to partake in, he took AJ2 with him."
 
>Crud. There goes plan "Candyland"
 
"You know..."
 
>Yeah?
 
"Well, his Highness does have a bit of work piled up thanks to an... unfortunate mis-step on her Majesty's part. If you were to help with that, I'm sure we could all pretend you were the princess for a bit longer."
 
>Hah! Dirty work as always. You know what? Let me walk around the castle all normal, and it's a deal.
 
"Honestly, I don't know why you bother with the disguise. We don't mind you either way."
 
>...Huh. Anyway, work in the 'office of doom'?
 
"The doomiest."
 
>Cool. I'll take care of it, Ironwall. See ya. *Heads down the hall.*
 
"See you later, 18. Nice to have you back."
 
*She pauses for just a second, frozen in place.*
 
*Whatever stopped her passes and she continues on her way.*
 
*He doesn't have to see her face to know she's smiling.*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Applejack
“Celestia”
______
 
>So. How many times have ya managed to figuratively blow yer’ brains out, Celly?
 
“Once, dear. And even then I cheated. I just rotated it to the bullet and fired.”
 
>Can Ah ask my question then? Or do ya wanna give it another quick try?
 
“Might as well give it an honest twirl, yes? Stand back there, Applejack, you wouldn’t want blood on your fur if by some new chance I got lucky.”
 
>Right.
 
*spinnnnn- click!*
 
“Damn.”
 
>Wouldn’t it be easier to jus’, Ah dunno, ALWAYS put the chamber on the bullet?
 
“But then where the fun be, Applejack?”
 
>...there are days Ah worry about you, Celly.
 
“You should be worrying about the abysmal state of Equestria, dear. And speaking of, you had a question…?”
 
>Right, right. Well, is it jus’ me or is AJ18 beginnin’ to find her… place in the Crystal Empire?
 
“You mean how she seems to not only be helping Shining with his paperwork and assigning the crystal guards their schedules but making sure they’re where they need to be when they need to be there?”
 
>Yeah.
 
“And how the guards themselves, while loyal to a fault towards Cadance, can also see the advantages of AJ18’s monarch-esque orders and thus follow her word as well despite her not being their true Princess?”
 
>Yup.
 
“And how whenever AJ18 goes over there with the purpose of bedding Shining, the Empire itself seems to pick up where productivity and duty relegations are concerned?”
 
>Pretty much.
 
“Haven’t noticed a thing, actually. Because if I did, if I happened to pay one second of attention towards the fact that an insect-pony hybrid can run a better empire than the Princess assigned to it, that might cause some dire problems for us all. Least of which, give the neighboring lands even more reason to laugh at us were they to find out.”
 
>…
 
“So no, Applejack, I’ve not noticed a single thing. Have you?”
 
>Nah. Must’ve dreamed it.
 
“I thought so. Now if you’ll excuse me…”
 
*spinnnnnn-*
 
>Uh’course.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >AJ29
'Sombra (Written)'
"Sombra (Spoken)"
 
>We have to stop.
 
"Grawr?"
 
>I can't keep going we're most of the way through this thing and so far NOTHING has looked like you.
 
'Come now, victory is within our grasp, truly the acheivement of your goal is more important than a dry throat!'
 
>Yeah yeah yeah...let's see, Victory in Battle, Spirit Of? No. Windigo, yeah, right, no. Huh...these pages are stuck together. Eh, moving on-
 
"Rargh!"
 
>What?
 
'You can't just move on! Those pages could very well hold the key to my resurgence!'
 
>What word that starts with a W is going to lead to your resurgence, Woozle?
 
'Unstick. Those. Pages. Now!'
 
>Yeesh, going the extra mile with that punctuation, huh? Alright lemme see here...almooooost...there. Oh. Damn. You were right!
 
"Rurgh?"
 
>Yeah this looks just like you, well it doesn't have the same features but it's the same concept, head coming out of a smoke cloud, right?
 
Sombra floats over and peers at the page. Indeed there is an illustration of a terrified looking pony's face attached to a billowing cloud of smoke.
 
>A Wisp: Not to be confused with a Will O' The Wisp, these spiritual aberrations are typically remains of an individuals exposed to two completely opposite forces, E.G Life and Death, Happiness and Despair, Love and Hate.
 
"Rahargh!"
 
>The Wisp is a being torn between the two forces acting upon them, and is therefore neither living nor dead. To wit, no known way has been found to completely kill a Wisp, though they may be diminshed greatly. Oh...oh fuck...
 
"Rrm?"
 
>...and contrariwise, no ritual, spell, of incantation exists to fully bring them back to life. If encountered, a Wisp is best left in isolation...
 
"..."
 
>I think that means...
 
'I gathered...'
 
>Elip-er, nevermind. This...this whole thing was a fool's errand?
 
"..."
 
>Well...fuck this and fuck you too, buddy, getting my hopes up and for what? Big fat hunk of nothing! Like you! I could have been using this time productively, like figuring out Shining's length! I'm gonna go back to trying to seduce REAL royalty, thank you very much, good day, sir!
 
29 leaves, slamming the door behind him, leaving Sombra to float in the middle of the room.
 
"...GrrrrrrrrrrrAAAARGH!"
 
Books and tables go flying as Sombra throws them about with as much force as his small amount of magic can muster. The disembodied head thrashes in a rage, as a single pen scribbles the words 'IT'S NOT FAIR!' over and over on a piece of notebook paper. In his agonized anger, however, he doesn't seem to notice his proximity to the stone wall and-
 
CRACK!
 
Everything goes dark...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 *Applejack 42 and Queen Chrysalis are lounging in the competitor's viewing area*
 
>UUUUUUNGHumghumghumgh
 
*Chrysalis has her face buried in a bag of popcorn, making a variety of borderline obscene noises as she eats*
 
>ugh-snarf-snap-chomp, so goooood. I didn't know I missed proper popcorn this much, that microwave crap just can't compare to the real deal.
 
"I... I bought that. Can I eat some too, my Queen?"
 
>No! None for you, you're on a training diet!
 
"Since when?"
 
>Since now, shut up.
 
*Applejack 42 sighs, rubbing her burnt forehooves together*
 
"Can I have some money for my own popcorn? I gave you all my bits, you could at least LOAN some of my own money back to me."
 
>But what happens later when I want a fifth bag? I won't get it, and that won't do. Besides, we're changelings, remember? We feed on love. I love this popcorn, that's gotta be worth something, right?
 
"... Maybe?"
 
-IN THE BLUE CORNER, FROM THE MYSTERIOUS DESERTS OF SADDLE ARABIA, THE WARRIOR OF SUNLIGHT, CELESTIA'S WHITE KNIGHT, FIGHTING FOR YOUR DE-LIGHT, AL-KALIM, WARRIOR OF THE SEVEN SANDS-
 
*A burly pony dressed in white linens, a white turban and a purple silk cloak walks into the ring. He has two scimitars tucked into his belt, one on either side. His eyes are the only part of him visible through the mess of cloth, they shine with intensity and determination*
 
-IN THE RED CORNER, FROM THE DISTANT NEIGHPON, HE LURKS IN THE NIGHT, GETS HIS TARGET IN SIGHT AND THERE'S HARDLY A FIGHT, MURASAMOTU, ASSASSIN LORD OF THE HOOF CLAN-
 
 
*A lithe, smaller stallion dressed head to hoof in form fitting black cotton walks in. A long curved katana is sheathed at his side*
 
*Murasamotu bows his head slightly at his opponent before breaking into a dash*
 
*Al-Kalim gallops towards the ninja, drawing one of his scimitars in his mouth*
 
*Murasamotu unsheathes his katana as distance closes, they are ~30 feet apart*
 
*They meet in the middle, swinging their mouth-held weapons at one another simultaneously*
 
*The crowd gasps in anticipation, eagerly wanting to know who stands victorious*
 
*Murasamotu stands and looks at Al-Kalim. his white garb stained with a crimson slash*
 
*Al-Kalim makes eye contact with Murasamotu, A drop of blood darkens his black clothes.*
 
*Al-Kalim then notices his own scimitar sticking out of his shoulder. Murasamotu feels his own katana impaled in his side*
 
{AAAAAAAAAAHH!}
[AAAAAAHHHH!]
 
*They faint in unison, more from shock than their relatively minor injuries*
 
-OH MAN, I THINK THAT'S A FIRST FOR THE PIT OF A THOUSAND CORPSES. A DOUBLE FORFEIT DUE TO SELF-INJURY! ALL BETS ARE REFUNDED AND NEITHER COMPETITOR WILL MOVE ON.-
 
-AND THAT CONCLUDES DAY 1 OF THE PIT OF A THOUSAND CORPSES 100 YEAR BRAWLSTRAVAGANZA, BE SURE TO COME BACK TOMORROW FOR THE EXCITING CONCLUSION-
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Applejack
"AJ18"
~~~~~
"You wanted to see me?"
 
>Well, howdy, Eighteen, matter of fact Ah did send for ya. Now, Ah been lookin' over tha reports fer tha Crystal Empire-
 
"Uh, yeah, Cadence is really picking it up, huh?"
 
>Ah grow apples, Eighteen, not mushrooms.
 
"Crap."
 
>Well, honestly, depressin' as it might be to think about it fer Celestia, Ah thought about it and Ah wanna say Ah'm proud you've made somethin' o' yerself an' have come into yer own. You do good work, an' Ah'm happy fer ya.
 
"Th-thanks... But there sounds like there's something else to this."
 
>It's true... Ah wanna offer you a job, help clean up Canterlot an' Equestria like ya have wit tha Empire.
 
"... I'm going to have to decline."
 
>Ah don' blame ya, here in Canterlot, ponies don' give ya much reason to wanna help 'em.
 
"Thank you though."
 
>What in tarnation for? Ah was tryin' ta drag you onto this sinkin' ship to keep it afloat just a little longer.
 
"For showing me Canterlot's not all bad as long as you're here."
 
>Shucks, sugarcube, you don' know how much that means to me too. By the by, here's yer next ticket back to tha Empire. Good fer any outbound trains goin' that way.
 
"Thanks, Princess."
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Applejack
“Mirrorjack”
‘Twilight’
-AJ56-
~~~~~~~~~
 
Applejack stared into the reflection of the oval shaped mirror before her, noting the orange crown fitted between her ears and the Alicorn appendages, but mostly concentrating on her gleaming emerald eyes.
 
>Oh mirror, mirror, on the wall… why do Ah continue to put up with it all?
 
It didn’t so much as cause one tremble of surprise when her reflection began to move and talk independently.
 
“Because you were chosen for this position specifically for the task of righting this country.”
 
>Yeah. Yeah, Ah know. But still… everyday Ah run mahself ragged tryin’ fix everything.
 
“And this would somehow be any different than fixing things on your farm how?”
 
>Well, yeah. Right here? What Ah’m doin’ matters on a global and economic scale.
 
“So does providing apples for not only Ponyville but the far reaching cities and lands.”
 
>Fine, fine, Ah’ll give ya that one, but darn it! Every time Ah right one wrong, another bigger wrong jumps sure as shootin’ to take its place! Look at all those forms and budget slips over there!
 
Her mirror counterpart arched it’s crowned head to glance over Applejack’s shoulder.
 
>Ah could go through ‘em with the speed of a Sonic Rainboom, ya know what would happen less than ten minutes later? There’d be another stack! Maybe two!
 
“Then, if you know the routine, spend those ten minutes to plan better for yourself. You’ve harvested apples every year like clockwork, even dealing with unsavory surprises, and yet you often found ways to make things a smoother process. You are a mare of routine, of hard work, which is why you’re where you are right now.”
 
>...Ah jus’ get tired sometimes, is all.
 
“If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be doing your job, would you?”
 
Applejack blinked.
 
>Well, buck my apples….
 
A sudden wail through the castle halls split the stunned silence.
 
‘WHO SET MY BOOKS ON FIRE?’
 
-I’m sorry! I sneezed!-
 
‘GET BACK HER YOU LITTLE-’
 
“Sounds like that’s your cue, Princess.”
 
With a nod and a firming inhale, Applejack made for the room door.
 
>Ah’d reckon so. Thanks fer’ the chat, mirror me, always a pleasure.
 
“Likewise.”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Shining
"Cadence"
'18'
~~~~~~~~~
 
>Hello, darling!
 
"Er, Shiny! Where... where have you been?"
 
>Y-you know. Around. Not in a tournament. How's everything with the Empire?
 
"...G-g-good! Great even! But you would know, because you were here, around, right?"
 
>Oh yeah...yeah! I just, uh, meant you know. Over in your side of the castle. You have fun over there?
 
"It was great! Over here, on this side of the castle, I mean, not at a tournament, which I would never be at because I don't need money for any reason... because I'm a princess!"
 
>Well, that just goes without saying, right?
 
"Except the part where I said it, yes, even though it went without saying and I didn't need to."
 
>Right, except that.
 
"..."
 
>...
 
"Well, lots of stuff to do!"
 
>Right, TON of stuff. In fact so much stuff, I only took a break to come do something else before I did more stuff. Lots of stuff, right?
 
"TONS of stuff. Non-money related stuff, though!"
 
>Me too!... except for, like, budgets. Which I do all the time.
 
"Except that."
 
>...
 
"...Bye!"
 
>...
 
*Cadence awkwardly walks off*
 
>...Thanks for covering for her, 18.
 
'Thank YOU for somehow getting the money to cover that hospital budget.'
 
>2 gets all the credit for that one. I'm just the horrible... horrible pony that used her.
 
'Eesh, don't get all depressed on me... want a little pick me up? A sexual pick me up?'
 
>...
 
'I'm talking about a blo-'
 
>Got it. C'mon, 2 needs a bit of board game marathoning, and I need another player.
 
'Really?'
 
>I'll supply and endless stream of matchmalleys.
 
'SOLD!' *She runs off*
 
>Good to have you back, 18.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~~~~
 
>...Ya look bored.
 
"...Yep."
 
>...Wordplay exercise, go! Favorite cake!
 
"Red velvet because I can imagine it's filled with the blood of the stupid!"
 
>Favorite book!
 
"The dragon and the pearl mare for it's gripping emotional depth!"
 
>Least favorite insect!
 
"Mosquito's because they remind me of my subjects!"
 
>Favorite princess!
 
"Twilight!"
 
>Worst enemy!
 
"The growing incompetence of my citizens!"
 
>Favorite food!
 
"Cake!"
 
>Least favorite princess!
 
"Shining Armor!"
 
>...
 
"...wait, crud, you said princess. Can we rephrase that to 'least favorite royal?'"
 
>Really?
 
"What, is he NOT yours?"
 
>...No?
 
"Huh... Together now, least favorite Changeling!"
 
>"Chrysalis!"
 
"Ahhh, it's good to find a middle ground on SOMETHING."
 
>...So do ya'll really hate-
 
*Spiiiiiiin*
 
>...never mind.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~~~~~~~
 
>...So Twilight's really yer' favorite?
 
"New exercise, go! Number of times Twilight's called me out!"
 
>Zero.
 
"Number of times she's stolen my cake!"
 
>Zero.
 
"Number of problems she's solved for me!"
 
>A lot.
 
"Number of times she's been snippy at me for having to solve said problems!"
 
>None.
 
"Number of problems she's caused!"
 
>A few.
 
"Number of problems I'VE had to fix!"
 
>Like... one? The doll thing?
 
"And finally, number of annoying questions asked!"
 
>Less than me?
 
"Less than you."
 
>...what about Luna?
 
"Number of times Twilight SHOT ME!
 
>None.
 
"Dingdingding! We have a favorite!"
 
>...Fine. Ah' still don't know why ya' don't like-
 
*Spiiiiiiin*
 
>That ain't gonna solve everythin-
 
*BLAM!*
 
>...Dang it. You win this round.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Applejack 42
‘Royal Guards’
“Shining”
__________
 
>Wrong! Do it again from the beginning!
 
‘Aw, come on!’
 
‘This is the sixth time!’
 
>And it’s going to be a seventh, and an eighth, and even a ninth damn time until you get it right! You think this is a game? Do you not remember how easily we Changelings mowed you lot over like grass? Do it again!
 
Over three dozen groaning bodies hit the ground in push-up position.
 
>Now go again! And if I see a glimmer of magic or a fluttering wing, you’ll get twice the beating Shining gets daily!
 
‘Shining Armor, sir! She’s working us to death!’
 
‘You’re going to let a Changeling order us around?!’
 
‘This is insane!’
 
‘SHE’S insane!’
 
>Groveling to your Commander like a bunch of little whelps? No wonder we stormed this castle without a hassle! Follow his orders but build your own instincts! I thought the Canterlot Guards were the elite! The supreme! The best of the best! Disgraceful! I've been tasked with bringing you sorry fillies up to snuff and I plan to either succeed or kill you in the process. And if you think I’m insane now, wait until we get to day two!
 
Standing on the sidelines and watching his subordinates drop down for their thirtieth consecutive push-up, Shining couldn’t help but grin.
 
“I knew this was a good idea.”
 
>And just what in the hell are you smiling about over there? Did you forget whose ass got kicked earlier today? Lead by example and get your muzzle in the ground!
 
“U-uh, right, right….”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Trainee
"Crystal Guard"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
"ARE YOU READY TO BEGIN YOUR LIFE OF SERVICE TO THE CROWN, SOLDIER?"
 
>SIR YES SIR!
 
"ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT YOUR ALL FOR THE SAFETY OF THIS KINGDOM?"
 
>SIR YES SIR!
 
"AND ARE YOU READY TO LAY YOUR LIFE DOWN, SHOULD THE TIME COME!?"
 
>SIR YES SIR!
 
"GOOD! Now, in recognition for your devotion, every Trainee gets to ask those questions."
 
>Questions, sir?
 
"You know what I'm talking about. Ask away."
 
>...Is the Prince gay, sire?
 
"No, soldier, he's not. His lack of intimacy with his wife is not of his choosing."
 
>Is the Princess seeing someone on the side, then?
 
"Put those dreams to their sad rest, soldier. She's as devoted to him as possible, she's just a bit on the flighty side and is more concerned about her appearance than sexual intimacy."
 
>Damn...
 
"I know, you're not the first to shed a tear over that one. I'll understand if you want one last cry before moving on."
 
>No no, it's fine. Erm, can I ask about the Changeling?
 
"Which one?"
 
>Annoying one.
 
"That is Applejack 29, and you have explicit orders to harm him on sight, soldier!"
 
>Helpful one?
 
"That is Applejack 18!... just... just pretend she's the princess occasionally so that her Highness doesn't accidentally almost lose our pensions, AGAIN."
 
>Huh... small one?
 
"THAT IS APPLEJACK NUMBER TWO, SOLDIER! SHE IS CUTE AS A BUTTON AND WORTH MORE THAN YOUR LIFE, AND IS NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BE MADE TO CRY, UNDERSTOOD!?"
 
>SIR YES SIR!
 
"Good!... anything else?"
 
>If I start having flashbacks to Sombra's days...
 
"Crying corner is marked clearly on your map, be courteous and try not to take up too much room."
 
>Thank you, sir!
 
"Welcome to the team, Soldier!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 -NEXT FIGHTERS GET READY, 33 TO THE RIGHT, 4 TO THE LEFT-
 
>Ok Fighterjack, nice work on that teenage hydra. I never would've thought to strangle 3 of its heads with the 4th one! That's your strength, good and quick on your feet. Smart thinker. Out-think your opponent in there!
 
"I'll try my best, my Queen"
 
-FIGHTERS, IN THE TUNNELS! COACHES, IN YOUR CORNERS!-
 
*Applejack 42 walks to the end of the tunnel, awaiting a glimpse of her opponent so she can formulate a plan*
 
-IN THE BLUE CORNER WE ARE GRACED BY AN ALICORN PRINCESS, A VERY VISION OF GRACE AND BEAUTY, PUT YOUR HANDS/HOOVES/CLAWS TOGETHER FOR PRINCESS RARITY-
 
*Rarity lays on a large golden platform in the coaches corner, stuffing her mouth with cakes, pies, all other sorts of food*
 
'Grumpa wobba kop-teeni bupo gumpa. Ooooooohohohohoho'
 
-HER CREATURE WAS THOUGHT TO HAVE GONE EXTINCT A LONG TIME AGO IN A LAND FAR FAR AWAY-
 
*A massive gate on the other end of the arena begins to slowly open, revealing a monstrosity of a beast standing there* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cNOIuijfLs
 
-THE RAAAAANCOOOOOOOR-
 
*The crowd is completely silent, mouths agape as the massive beast walks into the arena. He puffs out his chest and lets out a bellowing screech*
 
>OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
 
-IN THE RED CORNER, THE CONTESTANT THAT TOOK US ALL BY SURPRISE, SHE DOESN'T NEED A DISGUISE TO SEND YOU TO YOUR DEMISE, THE CHANGELING TOO GOOD TO SHAPESHIFT, FIGHTERJACK-
 
*The crowd's normal applause for Fighterjack is barely present, they are all too in awe of her fearsome opponent*
 
>Run 42! RUUUUN! Just stay alive until you can surrender!
 
"NEVER! I CAN WIN THIS!"
 
*Applejack 42 leaps at the Rancor, her sharp horn aimed at his face*
 
*The rancor raises an arm in time, Applejack 42 stabs her horn in deeply. The rancor yells in anger and tries to grab her*
 
*Applejack 42 drops to the ground in time and bucks the rancor in the shin, evading his grasp*
 
*The rancor howls in pain and the cracking of bones can be heard in the stands as he topples over to the ground*
 
*A swipe catches 42 off guard and sends her tumbling into the wall with great force, she is disoriented and stumbles off-balance*
 
>Look out! Just run for another 40 seconds!
 
"I'VE HANDLED BIGGER THINGS THAN THIS, DON'T YOU DARE!"
 
>You suck at lying, 42!
 
*She is distracted by Chrysalis and doesn't notice the rancor's hand coming down from above her. The rancor gets a firm grasp on 42 and brings her to his mouth*
 
"NO. YOU. DON'T."
 
*Applejack wrenches one of the rancor's fingers between her hooves and tears it clean off his hand. He howls in pain but continues bringing her closer to his mouth*
 
>REF! REF! WE SURRENDER!
 
-THERE CAN BE NO FORFEIT IN THE FIRST NINETY SECONDS OF A MATCH, CONTINUE FIGHTING-
 
"IT'S FINE! I GOT THIS"
 
*Applejack 42 struggles and breaks another finger as she is pushed into the Rancor's mouth*
 
"YOU WON'T GET RID *CHOMP* OF ME *CHOMP* THAT EASILY *CHOMP*"
 
*The rancor begins to chew Applejack 42, screams can be heard when he opens his mouth*
 
*With great difficulty the rancor swallows and roars triumphantly*
 
-THE WINNER THROUGH INGESTION OF THE OPPONENT, RARITY AND HER CREATURE!-
 
*The crowd explodes in a mix of thunderous applause and jeering boos*
 
'Kop winki herma meb guppa! OOoooohohohoho'
 
*Rarity shouts gleefully as she continues stuffing her face*
 
>... no
 
>why did i do this
 
>was it really worth it?
 
>My best fighter, my most competent changeling...
 
>My... My friend...
 
>All for what? FOR WHAT? *Chrysalis screams at nopony in particular*
 
>For MOVIES? For CAKE?!
 
*Chrysalis stares at the creature that killed her friend, a tear falling down her cheek*
 
*A tiny grumbling emanates from the Rancor's gut as Chrysalis cries softly in her corner*
 
*The noise gets louder and a piercing scream gradually intensifies*
 
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
 
*KA-BLOOSH. The rancor's abdomen explodes in a burst of gore and green magic. He collapses into a heap and a bile-covered Applejack 42 walks out of his steaming corpse*
 
'GRAAGHAHG!'
 
>APPLEJACK 42!
 
*Chrysalis yells happily, the sorrow she felt fades away, but the guilt remains*
 
-OH MY GOODNESS, WHAT A TURNAROUND FOLKS! THE NEW WINNER DUE TO EVISCERATION, FIGHTERJACK!-
 
*Chrysalis teleports into the ring and pulls 42 into a squishy hug*
 
"I. Need. A. Towel."
 
>Never do that to me again, you had your queen so worried!
 
"I said I was fine. Now get me a towel"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Applejack 18
"Cadence"
'Shining Armor'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
>...what?
 
"..."
 
>...WHAT!? You've been staring at me for a solid five minutes now! Is there something wrong with my hair? Did I mess up your looks again? Did 29 trick me into shape-shifting a dong tattoo on my face again? What!?
 
"...T-t-t-t-ttttttttttthhhhhhhh..."
 
>Are... are you okay?
 
"TTTHHHH...THHHHHHAAAHHHhh.... THHHHAAAAAAAAANNNNnnnnnnn"
 
>Okay, you are clearly having a stroke or something.
 
"..."
 
>...
 
"...and what, you're just going to stand there and let me die or something? To think I was going to thank you for helping while I was gone! HMPH!"
 
*She stomps off in the most prissy way possible.*
 
>...*eye twitch* Next time you wanna thank me, tell your husband blowjobs don't count as cheating or something! UGH! FRICKEN PRISS!
 
'You okay?'
 
>YES! FINE!
 
'Not frustrated she didn't say thank you?
 
>NOT AT ALL.
 
'What if I said thank you?'
 
>....UGH! DOESN'T COUNT!
 
*She stomps off as unprissily as possible*
 
'...I don't understand mares.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >AJ56
"DT"
'SS'
~~~~~~~~
 
A massive explosion erupts just outside the school. Like always, the citizens of ponyville pretend not to notice.
 
>Wow, almost got me with that one! No, really, I'm hurt.
 
"You're going to really hurt if you keep oversleeping and being late!"
 
'It's just five minutes...'
 
>Well, I'm sorry, we can't all sustain ourselves on the power of PURE BITCH!
 
"That wouldn't be a problem if you weren't so little!
 
>What's that even mean!?
 
"Yeah, you wouldn't see the problem with being a little bitch, would you!?"
 
'Why in front of the school? I hate this place.'
 
>SAY THAT TO MY FACE!
 
"Oh, I'm sorry, was I talking to your ass this whole time? Surely you can forgive such an easy mistake to make!"
 
>No, I understand. Nobody ever wants to look at your bony, flat flank, so the entire concept must be weird to you!
 
'Is this gonna take long? This is taking kind of long.'
 
"At least I'm not poor!"
 
>Give it a couple more failure bombs, you'll get there!
 
'Anytime, guys.'
 
"BUG MONSTER!"
 
>FLATFLANK!
 
"IDIOT!"
 
>WHINY LOSER!
 
"I WILL END YOU!"
 
>BRING IT OOOOOON!
 
"..."
 
>...
 
'...So, are we doing the science project or not?'
 
"What? Obviously we are. What made you think we weren't?"
 
>Yeah, really. I don't want the beasts of hell to devour me for a bad test score.
 
"Really, SS, be a team player."
 
>So disappointing.
 
'....Ugh.'
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 >Applejack
"Random Changeling"
'Celestia'
~~~~~~~~
 
>...Where's yer' queen?
 
"Out."
 
>...42?
 
"Out."
 
>...18, maybe?
 
"Out."
 
>...Can't believe Ah'm askin', but... 29?
 
"Out."
 
>Shoot. So, ya'll are totally without any sort o' handler right now?
 
"What gave it away"
 
'OH DEAR ME, IT'S ALL BURNING! IT'S ALL BURRRNING! WHHHHHHHHY!?'
 
"...Oh, right, the Bakery is on fire."
 
>Was kind of a dead giveaway.
 
"Hey, don't look at me, I didn't have anything to do with this."
 
>Then what's the can of gas fer'?
 
"...Camping."
 
>Course it is.
 
'WHYYYYYY!?'
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