_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
>CELESTIA!
 
“Ding-Dong, the witch is here, the apple witch, she’s finally h-
 
>What in the world happened to the five Changelings that won ‘gainst our soldiers?
 
“Oh, the five Applejacks? Applejack’s 12, 14, 35, 42, and 65?”
 
>Yes, them!
 
“Well, I figured they did such a good job that I’d personally devise a little test for them. Just to, you know, test their mettle.”
 
>...would this here… ‘test’ be the reason why Ah’ve got Changeling limbs all over the arena?
 
“Maaaaaybe.”
 
>So this IS yer’ fault!
 
“Hardly. I merely introduced those five charming Applejack’s to the Manticore. It was a test and a study to see how they would get along. I’m assuming by this saddening news of torn Changeling limbs that the results are less than satisfactory? Pity.”
 
>...y’all just didn’t couldn’t bear the shame of knowin’ Changelings, a race of bug-pony, had our ponies beat in terms of combat.
 
“What’s that, dear? I can’t hear you over the sounds of five less Changelings.”
 
>Four, actually.
 
"....what."
 
>Ah told ya'! Applejack forty two is a scrappy little son of the sun!
 
"...Want to see how long he lasts?"
 
>Princess, did ya'll really just suggest we pit Applejack forty two against other opponents and take bets?
 
"Well, I didn't mention bets."
 
>To late, yer' idea!
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
" Finally a moment of quite from that insufferable apple bitch"
> TIA!
" I wonder if I jump from here will I be able to at least pass out for a few days"
> Why there y'all are, I've been lookin' as low as tarturus and as high as the sun fer you
" What do you need, please just be quick I wont yell much."
> Just wishin' ya a happy hearts and hooves day, even if ya dont got no special some pony, well you'll always be special ta me
" Oh Applejack, thank you so much."
> Now I just need ya to sign this here bill for the legalization of sale fer any intoxicating things, yadda yadda yadda and some other stuff
" What other stuff?"
> Dont worry, just sign right here all nice and purrty like with your fancy signuratue
" WHAT OTHER STUFF"
> Ok ther' may be a tinsy tiny cut in cake bud-
*snap*
" Oh dear me, I believe your wings and horn are gone. We cant surely have an EARTH pony princess."
Then she woke up
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
>>Applejack
"Celestia"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~~~~~~
 
 
>Okay, so....
 
"Don't worry, Fluttershy, that bear will walk again... someday."
 
*incoherent crying*
 
'Good job, Applejack! See? I can give positive encouragement!'
 
>Ya' say that AFTER he just ate his way out of a Hydra.
 
'What's your point?'
 
"Who do we have left? Because my cake budget has tripled over the last four hours."
 
>Nothing. We have nobody left who'll fight 'em. Shining Armor says the soldiers from the Crystal Empire won't even come to Canterlot anymore, just on the off chance.
 
"Are we out of dangerous creatures?
 
*incoherent crying intensifies*
 
>Tha's a yes.
 
"Curses.....Luuunnna?"
 
>She ran off last round.
 
"...Chrysaliiss?"
 
'I... refute your.... insinuation that I should.... engage in combat with that... denizen.'
 
>Willl ya'll put that book down!
 
'No! It's making me sound smart!'
 
>Ah'll keep that ta' myself an'.... hey, where'd Applejack forty two go?
 
......
 
"Shit."
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Did we SERIOUSLY just whittle down the Changeling to the strongest one, teach him he's stronger than our guards, and then accidentally let him loose!?
 
"Lookin' that way."
 
>He could be anypony! We've got so many doubles running around it would be impossible to find out if one of them was legit!
 
"Why is that?"
 
>Genetics and magic, shut up and help me!
 
"Applejack forty two ain't dangerous, he's actually a bit of a flighty little thing, he probably jus' wandered off cause he saw something shiny."
 
'You called?'
 
"No no, shiny the thing, not Shiny the pony."
 
'At this point, I'm wondering if there's a difference.'
 
>Focus! We need someone to blame!
 
"..... Cadence?"
 
>Brilliant!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
>No.
 
"Now Twi', Ah' know this sounds extreme-"
 
>We're not dangling my brother on the end of a line to catch your rogue Changeling. No.
 
"He wouldn't do it if we asked."
 
>As well he shouldn't. No.
 
"Look, Cadence already said okay, we jus' don't want you ta' cut him down before-"
 
>What!?
 
"...Er.."
 
>Oh, that is it! I'm going to go over there and... and.... I'm going to fly a kite with him or something! We're gonna go play on the swingset, maybe! Maybe get some ice-cream! You go deal with your little problem all on your own, because I'm not helping! Nobody bother me, you hear? NOBODY! NEH! *walks off*
 
"....That wasn't childish at all.
 
*Spike walks in* 'I heard shouting, everything alright?'
 
>*in distance*STAY WITH APPLEJACK FOR A WHILE, SPIKE!
 
'O-oaky.... she probably wasn't going to do anything fun, right?'
 
"...Probably not. Hey, you ever bungee jumped before?"
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
"Uh, Princess Celestia?"
 
>My hourly reminder to check in on that suicide potion! My how time flies. Whatever do you need, Applejack?
 
"The Changeling's are... debatin'."
 
>...Debating.
 
"Yeah."
 
>What on earth could they be debating about?
 
"How ta' move the numbers."
 
>What?
 
"Well, Applejack 13 wanted ta' get bumped up ta' 12 after yer little 'training exercise', but then Applejack number 33 wanted to go up to 14 since that was open and Applejack 53 wanted to go to 13 since Applejack 13 was moving up to 12 and Applejack 2 wanted ta' move ta' number 65."
 
>...What....
 
"Ah' know, turns out the pressure of being Applejack 2 is gettin' ta' him, so he wanted ta' slip inta' the back and hopefully draw less attention. Poor fellow."
 
>I...What?
 
"So then anyway, Applejack 73 was tired of being so far in the back so he made a bid for Applejack 2, but then that caused a whole mess of fighting ta' break out. Ah' told them they had ta' debate about it like civilized ponies, and here we are."
 
>...And?
 
"We have completely lost track of who's who. None of them remember what number they were originally."
 
>...My head hurts.
 
"Mine too, Tia. Mine too."
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
>>Applejack
"Celestia"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How the devil has ONE CHANGELING evaded you all?"
 
>....Uh, Princess?
 
"Right, right, realized it after I said it. And you!"
 
'Me?'
 
"Why can you not find your subject? I have been more than receptive to your entrenchment into my kingdom, been oh so open to your commandeering of my resources, and more than forgiving of your past transgressions, and this is how you repay me?"
 
'....Did you really expect me to follow half of that? I'm pretty sure you were just messing with me."
 
"CHRYSALIS!"
 
'What do you want? I called out for him and ordered him to return, it's not like I have a tracker on him!'
 
"Find him or I will cast you back into Everfree, I swear it!"
 
'I thought we were blaming Cadence?'
 
"That plan fell through, get on it!"
 
'Alright, Geez. I'll send Applejack after it, she owes me one.'
 
"Good. See to it."*leaves*
 
>...Ya'll didn't mean me, right?
 
'What? No. Applejack... erm, third from the left. Whatever her number is now. She looks capable, what could go wrong?'
 
>....I'mma enjoy this, I bet.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
> = Applejack
“…” = Celestia
‘…’ = Chrysalis
… = Changeling
_____
 
‘Ooooh, what’s that you’ve got there, Changeling, uh… whatever your number is?’
 
…
 
‘A drink made of beans? Hmmm… smells strong. What’s it called?’
 
…
 
‘Did you just cough? I don't think coffee is a word.’
 
…
 
‘Huh. Whatta ya know, it IS in the dictionary. Caw-fuh-nated. Okay, don’t know what that means but it smells good. Your Queen thanks you!’
______
 
>Aw buck ‘n’ tarnation… this quarters budget fer our soldiers is lookin’ a touch tight. We may have to get hand-me-down armor. Again. Consarn that Shinin’ and his ‘Hyperspace’ propaganda, how’m Ah supposed to…?
 
‘If I might make a suggestion, Applejack.’
 
>Oh Celestia help me… what do y’all want now, Chrysalis? Ah’m tryin’ tuh sort out a huge mess here.
 
‘Allow me to be of some assistance, then. Look here, if you relegate two-thirds the cake funds away from both Celestia and Luna, and one-third from yourself, you’ll find some extra monetary gain for your soldiers, pitiful though they are.’
 
>I...wuh…?
 
‘Also, Cadance? Much as I understand the need for the princess of love to be fashionable, one hundred thousand bits for perfume? Monthly? I can’t even begin to fathom where she even puts it all. Cut that as well. Now you should have plenty to outfit your meager assortment of warriors.’
 
>I...wuh…?
 
‘But goodness, that’s not even solving a tenth of the problems plaguing not only this castle, but this land. Well, on your head be it, not mine. If any of my services are needed further, I’ll be in the ballroom attempting to bring some amount of order and stability to my Changeling companions.’
 
>I...wuh…?
 
“Applejack, dear, I know you’ve been under a lot of stress lately, I have as well, but think about what you’re saying here….”
 
>Ah’m not jokin’, ‘Tia. She’s changed! Ah dunno how but she has. Her vocabulary drastically improved, she tossed out ideas, and she even knew enough about what a budget was to fix it! We’re squared away for the next two months!
 
“I still say you’ve had one apple tart too many.”
 
>Just y’all wait and see, she said she would be here in the ballro- ah! There she is! Chrysalis! Come over here for a sec!
 
‘Did somep0ny ring-a-ding-ding?’
 
>Go ahead, Chrysalis. Tell Celestia how y’all fixed our financial crisis.
 
‘There you go making up words again! Is this some sort of joke I’m not in on?’
 
>…
 
“…”
 
‘It is, isn’t it! You guys are just having a laugh at my… expense! Toooo lower my… self-esteem!’
 
“Chrysalis, put down the dictionary. No one’s making fun of you. Applejack’s just suffering a bit of worker’s lunacy is all.”
 
>Ah bucking swear she was a hodgepodge of suggestions!
 
‘Okay, now you’re just trying to upset me, aren’t you?’
 
“Right. Well, then. I’ve some cake waiting on my urgent return. You two enjoy yourselves. And Applejack? Perhaps a break in the near future, yes?”
 
*Celestia leaves*
 
>…
 
‘Hey, Applejack, Applejack over there wants to skip rope with you!’
 
>...don’t talk to me right now. Ah… Ah need a few.
 
*Applejack leaves*
 
‘Huh. Wonder what’s up their plots?’
 
…
 
‘Yes? Oh! More of this lava!’
 
…
 
‘Right, java.’
 
(3/3)
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Hiya Shiny! How's my big brother doing?
 
Every morning I think of a reason to wake up, something to look forward to
 
>...
 
I never find one.
 
>Ehhhmm, I'm sure it's not THAT bad, you still have Cadance!
 
She forgot our anniversary. She didn't even notice the flowers and pearl bracelet I left on her nightstand 3 nights ago. And there are all these gifts from foreign dignitaries, but she just pushed them aside and left for the salon for another hooficure. *chomps down on a hoofful of fancy caramels*
 
>I'm sure things will get better. At least you have some candy, right?
 
Yeah! Cadence will be mad I ate her sweets, but anything is better than being ignored. It's good too, the Griffin ambassador sent it over, top shelf stuf-URK
 
*Shining Armor collapses to the ground and starts seizing*
 
>Shiny? SHINY! Stop playing around! WHATS WRONG?! I know the Hoofleich maneuver
 
*Twilight gets behind Shiny and starts pumping to disloge the caramel*
 
S-stop it Twily, I'm not *cough* choking.. I-I think something's in th... I love you, Twil-...
 
>NNOOOOOOO! YOU CANT DO THIS! I WON'T LET YOU!
 
*Twilight's eyes go white as she charges her horn, the entire room is enveloped in the light purple glow of her magic*
 
*Shining Armor picks himself up from the floor, coughing and sputtering as he does so*
 
I... I feel better. What did you do?
 
>OhmygoshShinyyou'reokthankCelestiaIcouldn'timaginelosingyoulikethatdonteverdothattomeagain!
 
>I *ahem* may have gone a bit overboard there. I just got so scared and so mad and... I MAAAAYY have changed the laws of physics.
 
...
 
>A smidge.
 
...
 
>I detected cyanide and it was too late to get it out and antidote spells aren't guaranteed to work so I just had to tweak reality a tiiiiiiiny little bit so cyanide isn't poisonous anymore. It was that or lose my BBBFF!
 
Thanks Twily, you're the best sister ever!
 
>I'd do it again in a heartbeat, Shiny. Hug?
 
*Twilight hugs Shining Armor*
 
>*whispers* nothing's going to kill you unless I say so
 
Alternate ending
 
>I detected cyanide and it was too late to get it out and antidote spells aren't guaranteed to work so I just had to tweak reality a tiiiiiiiny little bit so cyanide isn't poisonous anymore. It was that or lose my BBBFF!
 
I... It was beautiful. I was so close. Nearly free...
 
>I'd do it again in a heartbeat, Shiny. Hug?
 
*Twilight hugs Shining Armor*
 
>*whispers* nothing's going to kill you unless I say so
 
*a single tear runs down Shining Armor's cheek*
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Hey Celestia! I wanted to talk to you about something. As you know, I'm pretty awesome, right? I know, totally! Anyway, I'm awesome, but you know what isn't? Working. Having a job SUUUUUCKS.
 
We all have to do things we don't want to, Rainbow Dash.
 
>Right, but I figured because I helped to save everyone a bout a ZILLION times that maaaaybe I could get a little kickback? I'm wasting my talents on the weather team, can't I just get paid for being so cool?
 
I don't think we have that in the budget, corners are tight and everyone has to cut back. Why don't you see if Applejack can find some spare funds?
 
>A-Applejack? That's not funny! If you didn't want to you should have just said so, bringing up AJ's not cool, Cel! *sniffles* It's only been a few months since she went missing....
 
*Princess Applejack hears her name and walks in from a sideroom*
 
>What in the hay are y'all talkin' about Dash?
 
>APPLEJACK?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! You disappeared like 3 months ago and nopony's heard anything from you since! We held a funeral for you and everything, we buried an empty coffin under your favorite tree!
 
>Erm, what?
 
>You just up and vanished, no bags packed, no note, you didn't write, nopony thought anything of it right away but after a few days we worried... Big Mac is devastated, he hasn't said more than two words since the funeral! I thought I'd never see you again!
 
*Rainbow Dash pulls Applejack into a hug*
 
>Yeh said Big Macintosh thinks Ah'm dead?
 
>They all do! What's going on, what's with the wings?
 
>CELESTIA! YA SAID Y'ALL'D MAIL THEM LETTERS BACK HOME! Ah ain't sure if Big Macintosh's gonna kiss me or kill me when Ah head back and tell him the truth but either way-
 
-This is my fault? Yeah yeah, I know the drill. *grumble grumble* stupid applejackicorn, I forget one thing and-
 
>HAY! Y'all don't have any right to complain here, Cel! No cake for three days.
 
You can't do that to me! I'm a princ-
 
>Five days!
 
I take it back, please have mercy!
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Hey, Princess Luna?
 
“And lo’, the orange mare of grief comes for us on this dark night…”
 
>Riiiiight...anyway, Ah just had a question.
 
“Question thou insist yet there only burns the jovial desire to deliver thine hoof up our backside.”
 
>Are… are y’all sayin’ Ah’m gonna… Nope, never mind. So Ah’m kinda curious about your guards, Luna. Far from Celly’s guards- or anypony for that matter- yer’s carry some traits of a bat or a feline. The even have bat-like wings. What’s the deal with that?
 
“Oh, ‘tis a fine question indeed, one that alleviates our impending headache! But the answer, orange one, is very simple! Gaze upon our royal visage, what does thou see?”
 
>The Princess of the night.
 
“Exactly. For you see, before our sister cast us to the moon’s surface for neigh a thousand years, we had gathered an assortment of devout followers without realization! And those followers, in their dire need and commitment to us and our moon, shunned the sun’s light and only grew active during the most darkest of nights. Because of this, as generations and generations passed, their bodies adapted to the our cause and upon returning, they immediately threw themselves before the radiant princess standing before thee with only one need. To stay forever at our side and protect us! That is how our lunar guards came to be!”
 
>…
 
“What is the matter, orange one. Has our magnificent story rendered thou speechless?”
 
>Y’all sure it wasn’t jus’ because of yer plot, princess?
 
“W-what? How dare thee!”
 
>Ah’m jus’ sayin’, yer’ portion of guards are made up of stallions and, not makin’ a pass at ya or nothing, but yer backside is rather large, Luna. All that cake? And barely liftin’ a hoof to do yer own duties? Makes for an eye-catchin’ flank. Loyalty and servitude probably got nothing to do with it. They just like yer moons.
 
“…”
 
>Once again, Ah’m jus’ sayin’. Cake fer thought.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Do... do ya' hear it, Celly?
 
"I do, dear Applejack, I do. The wailing of a thousand tortured souls, the devastation of a lifetime of work being reduced to naught but a dream, the sorrow of joy being sapped from the land as if drained from a gaping vein. Oh, dear Applejack, I hear it, and it fills me with sadness. "
 
>Ah' have never heard somethin' so sad and regretful. Standin' here, Ah' can't help but take off my hat in reverence. A moment of silence.
 
"......."
 
>.........
 
'We are just going on a diet! There is no need for such overly melodramatic wailing! Mine royal backside shouldn't be reduced THAT much.'
 
>The darkest day for us all.
 
'Oh screw you guys!'
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Knock on Door at 2 in the morning
>Sleepy Applejack gets up to answer it
>Its a drunk Celetia
>"Mah Majesty... what can I do yer for?"
>>"FUCK YOUR SHIT NIGGA, YOU BUCKED TWO MILLION APPLES, YOUR A PRINCESS NOW!"
>Light envelopes Sweet Apple Acre
>Next Day, Applejack is exiled from Sweet Apple Acre as they have a policy against any family member that's not an earth pony.
>Applejack goes though a crisis of identity. She can magic now, but doesn't know how to even fly.
>Years of studying books, she finds a way to commune with the ones behind the veil.
>Sacrificing Pinkie Pie (which was quite easy thanks to her Alicorn powers) she opens up the lines of communication
>"OH powers behind the veil... why... why was I chosen to become a alicorn!?"
>>> We already made the plastic molds. We need to increase our revenue by 5% this quarter.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
>"Chrysalis! Where are ya?! Ah found AppleJack 42! ~Erg~ Stop strugglin'! ~Grunt~ Stay still!"
 
"Oh, hello AppleJack."
 
_Hi._
 
"No not you. The orange princess holding you."
 
>"What can ah do yer for, Celly?"
 
"Just wondering why you're manhandling that changeling."
 
>"It's AppleJack 42."
 
"Oh, good."
 
>"Wait a sec..."
 
"Hm?"
 
>"AJ42, he spoke..."
 
_Of course I did._
 
>"Oh. Ah didn't think the majority of changelings under Chrysalis could."
 
_...What made you think that?_
 
>"Ah never hear 'em speak is all."
 
_Reasonable to believe._
 
_No, I simply haven't spoken because I've felt no need to._
 
>"Can ya tell me why yer trying t' get away?"
 
_It might have a great deal to do with the fact you wish to use me in favour of profit until I cease living._
 
>"What now?"
 
"I think he means when we continued having him fight other changelings after Chrysalis made them fight initially."
 
_Yes that. You might understand why I wouldn't take kindly to it. The only reason I did fight my brethren at first was because it was clearly a situation to prove oneself for our Queen._
 
>"T' be fair there, 42. It was Celly's idea to use yer for profit."
 
_It was? I see. Can I slap some empathy into her?_
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Twilight! Ah' need ya' to....
 
".....what?"
 
>Twilight, Ah'm pretty sure that's supposed ta' be the other way around.
 
"What? Applejack, I know I'm getting taller every day now that I'm an Alicorn, but I'm pretty sure I'm still too short to give Shiny a piggyback ride."
 
'I'll say. Besides, wouldn't I bend your wings? It's not like you have a lot of room back there.'
 
"Ouch, just thinking about that hurts. Seriously, imagining you slipping and bending a wing? Ouch."
 
'Hey, maybe there is one benifit to me never being an alicorn! Ha!'
 
>...That didn' sound forced.
 
"Oh quiet. What did you need?"
 
>Jus'.... jus needed ya' ta approve the Libraries new budget fer' this quarter, Ah' found some extra funds so we can start working on that expansion ya' wanted.
 
"Oh Applejack, thank you! Now I can start working on the story time area. Oh, just thinking about the little fillies and colts that will fill it someday.... Shining Armor promised to help too!"
 
'I did.'
 
>Ah'll, uh, leave ya' to yer game, then.
 
"Kay. C'mon, Shiny! One more round!"
 
'To victory!'
 
>.....How do Ah' process that? Ah' am so confused.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
 
So, thine Sister, what hath thou planned for today?" Asked Luna in her Royal Canterlot accented speech.
 
"Well, Luna," Replied Celestia as she regarded her sibling. "I had planned to--" She stopped, cutting herself off upon hearing a faint noise which was rapidly picking up in volume.
 
>"hheeeeeeeeeEEEEEELLLLPP!!~~~"
 
"Was that our newly crowned princess absconding all too fast, Tia?" Luna asked again.
 
"Indeed it was. Can't imagine why." Celestia sniffed, quietly laughing to herself.
 
"Git ya varmits! Ah said git!" AppleJack futilely attempts throwing stallions of the royal guard away from herself, with her new-found magical powers. "Why won't y'all listen?! Ah'm yer princess!"
 
Unbeknownst to AppleJack, Celestia watches from around a corner, still quietly laughing at the spectacle. Luna pops up and assesses the situation, tutting at her sister.
 
"Tia. Do help her."
 
"Fiiiine." Celestia sighs. "You're always such a spoilsport."
 
A flash of her horn, and the guards are teleported elsewhere. AppleJack, looking confused, comes on over.
 
>"Phew, glad that's over. What in th' hay was that all about?"
 
Celestia giggles to herself.
 
>"..."
 
>"What did ya do, Celly."
 
"Not much. Did you look in a mirror recently."
 
>"Ah don't tend t' go pretty mahself up."
 
Celestia magics a mirror out of thin air and floats it before the orange Alicorn. AppleJack's draw hits the floor.
 
>"...By Celes... By you. Ah... Ah'm... beautiful."
 
AppleJack thinks she looks like something out of a tasteful fashion magazine, granted, she's no size 2, but she wouldn't want to be. Her appearance mimics the royal sisters in figure, but her face is much more stunning, accentuating her freckles well, with gorgeously long lashes to boot.
 
>"W-wait a sec... What did you do t' mah plot!? An' what in th' hay am ah wearin'??"
 
Celestia barely holds back her ill contained mirth.
 
"Well... you already were a 'big' girl..."
 
>"Don't push it."
 
"...And, add the fact you're an Alicorn... plus my new 'endorsement.' It makes for quite the sight from behind."
 
>"...Ah'm stuck between wanting t' hurt ya and hiding from every stallion in Equestria..."
 
Luna peeks around and takes a look at AppleJacks almighty new posterior. Celestia smiles and continues.
 
"You know, I don't believe my plot ever gets so big except for when I've spent an entire year on an unlimited cake budget."
 
Luna cannot tear her eyes from AppleButt's butt. Her mouth opens and speaks in nothing but pure respect.
 
"She done got da bodacious badonka-donk."