Thread 27 archive: http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/18317690
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Hello! This is a series of stories based mostly around this horrible, horrible pony who has completely demolished my beauty care budget. Because unlike me, she doesn't care if she looks terrible all the time, has a coat with the consistency of straw and hair that I'm pretty sure is just a birds nest repurposed as a wig. But she's an Alicorn now, so... that happened. Well! I bet you're wondering how I became an Alicorn myself, are you not?
 
It all started with this.
>OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH I HAVE A HORN I HAVE A HORN I'M A PRINCESS I'M A PRINCESS I'M A PRINCESS I'M GOING TO MARRY A PRINCE AND WE'RE GOING TO LIVE IN A BIG PRETTY SPARKLY CASTLE BECAUSE I GET A CASTLE NOW BECAUSE I'M A PRINCEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!
>...You know, ascending someone because they could defeat a malicious piece of jewelery might not have been my best decision.
 
If you want to see all the horrible, pretty-destroying things she's done so far, check out the pastebin: http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessApplejack
 
Or if you just want to see what she's recently done to me because she is jealous of how much better I look than her, look at the previous thread: >>>>>>>>http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/S18243130
 
Oh! I know! Try writing a story! About a princess! Who is more beautiful than everyone else and everyone else is jealous. Those come out great.
Or if you want, try drawing pretty, gorgeous princesses. You know which ones. They prettiest.
Or if you want, just give some healthy criticism. The writers like knowing what they did wrong, like stories without me, or what they did right, which is all of the other one.
 
Thread bluish green!... what? That's what I said, bluish green. I SAID THAT... what color is this? Uh, 27, looks like. Yeah. That is defiantly a color 27.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~
 
>Okay, so, run this by me again. Why was the Crystal Empire built in the middle of a gigantic tundra again?
 
"Lots of crystals for building material, I think?"
 
>One, we can move crystals iffin' that's the issue, two, ya' think?
 
"I didn't build it. I didn't even know it had been conquered till way, way later. We never talked."
 
>Seems kind o' like a mis-step.
 
"I'm Princess of Equestria, not "Celestia, world cop". I have other duties."
 
>Just sayin'.
 
"You are deliberately trying to twist this to be my fault somehow, even though logically I have nothing to do with anything wrong that happened."
 
>...Shoot, Ah' am.
 
"You have a problem."
 
>Ah' can quit anytime Ah' like!
 
"Do it now."
 
>...Ah' don't wanna. And it's all yer'...
 
"..."
 
>....AH' NEED AN INTERVENTION!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Dash
"Spike"
~~~~~
 
>I'm telling you, I could have made that turn if you hadn't pulled me to the left.
 
"And I'm telling you that you're underestimating how heavy I am. I'm bigger than you remember."
 
>You're not that big!
 
"Fine. I'm only mostly that-"
 
>WAIT!
 
"..."
 
>...I see an unguarded popcorn bowl, there, through the window of the train.
 
"Oh, come on Dash, you can't really-"
 
In a burst of multiple colors, she was gone.
 
"...Big old leash, that's what I'll get. With a nifty little collar.... that says Spike... and then I'll give on end to- Oh wow my brain went weird places... nice places... I'LL BE IN MY BUNK!"
 
~~~~~~~
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
~~
 
>Oh my, I dropped popcorn all over myself!
 
"Well, miss Sparkle, you really shouldn't do things like that."
 
>Oh no, if someone sees me covered like this, they'll think this butter is something lewd!
 
"Well, I suppose I can help you out..."
 
*Cue porn music.*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>AJ
"Guard"
'Rekulk'
-Vekir-
~Grehm~
 
>-and thusly Stalliongrad is proud to blah blah blah...new city of Moscolt? Okay this Ah gotta see-...this is a Borsch Baron restaurant in a field. Ugggh...Ah hate those guys.
 
"Your majesty? Are you attending to anything important."
 
AJ casually reduces the latest propaganda piece to ash and smiles.
 
>Not righ' this second, why?
 
"Well that weird cave-guy is back."
 
>Rekulk? Let him in, you know he's welcome here.
 
"It's not that, he seems to have-"
 
'Princess of Apples!'
 
Rekulk steps past with his two companions in tow.
 
"-multplied."
 
>Go on ahead and leave us, ah'll talk to 'em.
 
"Yes, your majesty."
 
The guard exits.
 
'Princess of Apples, it is a pleasance to be meeting you again!'
 
>Likewise, Rekulk, thanks again fer yer help with Spike in those caves.
 
'Nothing to be thought of, the trade was proposed and I was sworn to see its end! And now we have harmless spiderthing, yes?'
 
>Yeah, uh...mind introdcin' yer friends?
 
'Ahaha, yes! Princess of Apples, this is Vekir of the Workers.'
 
-Ksssssh...he...ksssh...llo...-
 
'And Grehm of the Warriors.'
 
The larger Morlock nods.
 
>Hang on.
 
AJ looks over to her window, horn glowing as she hides the light of the sun behind curtains.
 
>There, Ah was havin' trouble takin' ya seriously under that tarp a'yers.
 
Rekulk and his fellows shake off their suits.
 
'Thank you Princess of Apples.'
 
Vekir takes in a large breath of air.
 
-The air of the surface is sweet! Like the tasty white powder!-
 
>Now what can Ah do fer ya'll?
 
'Aha, Princess of Apples! Today is a tremendous day! A fantastic day! A day of great and mighty consequence! We have come to ask you to fulfill your half of the great trade!'
 
>Oh? Well just let me know, Ahm happy to help.
 
'But it is not you alone we seek help from, Princess of Apples! We have been told of a Princess that can work miracles and it is a miracle we seek! Princess of Apples, we seek the Princess of Twilight! She of Twience! For she shall create for us a new suit so that we may walk among you without spreading such fear! Bring us to her or her to us, we shall begin the greatest step towards Zhetri Tuuhl's vision!'
 
Silence hangs for a few moments.
 
-...and now the Princess talks, yes?-
 
>Uh...I'd like ta help ya...and ah think Twi would too but...you guys kinda missed her. She's off on the trail of the monster that rampaged through here a while ago an' ah dunno when she'll be back.
 
'...'
 
-...-
 
~...Sheskvekh.~
 
'LANGUAGE!'
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Spike
“Rainbow Dash”
'Stewardess.'
~~~~~~~
 
>You didn't.
 
“Hey, I will have you know it was left out in the table! This is not stealing if you abandon your stuff in the middle of a crowded train.”
 
>Dash...
 
“I'll give her the bowl back!”
 
>At least share!
 
“No! It's mine!”
 
>Do you not see the hypocrisy in this moment? Really?
 
“...Fiiiiiinnnneee!”
 
>So dramatic...
 
He grabbed a massive claw-full of popcorn, pointedly ignoring Dash's indignant looks.
 
The next second, tears were in his eyes.
 
“...good, isn't it?”
 
>...T-this popcorn... it's... it's the stuff of legends!
 
“Right? Think we need to get her mailing address and throw Pinkie at her. Partyland needs to stock this stuff.”
 
>No, seriosly, I taste not only butter, but three different kind salt. THREE. I didn't even know there were three kinds!
 
“She's good.”
 
>No, really-
 
Another scoop, another happy smile.
 
>Thish shuff neesh ta' be sharrd, ya' don jush horde ih!
 
“Right!? That's what I said!”
 
>An anosher shing, I-....
 
A disgusted look on his face, Spike reached into his mouth and pulled out a long, long strand of hair.
 
“Eewww...”
 
>Wow, Dash, way to spoil it for me.
 
“Hey, that's not mine! None of my hair is that long except my tail!”
 
>Well, it can't be hers, it's the wrong color.
 
“I don't have that color either.”
 
>...Huh.
 
“Huh?”
 
>It doesn't... doesn't feel like pony hair.
 
“What is that supposed to mean?”
 
>It doesn't. It feels like...
 
“...That hair doesn't look like hair, Spike.”
 
>...
 
Without another word, he hopped down from his chair, and went out into the hall, flagging down the first attendant he could see.
 
>Miss? Hi, listen, I know you probably saw how my friend, the one with the rainbow hair, was acting a bit ago, with that one unicorn? This is going to sound silly, but do you know her name?
 
'Sir, we're not allowed to give out that information.'
 
>Normally, I would say okay, but in this case...
 
He pulled out the badge Celestia herself had given him.
 
>I need to know, now.
 
'...I think her name was Sprinkle Star?'
 
>Is that spelled with a y and two r's, by any chance?
 
Confused, she checked her passenger list.
 
'...It is, actually. Why-'
 
>Which way did she go?
 
'Oh, I think she's over in that room. With your friend, the purple alicorn.'
 
He was moving before he knew what he was doing.
 
Charity was out before he even thought about it.
 
His “Special” round was loaded before he even registered his fingers had twitched.
 
And then... He opened the door.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Chitania
“Twilight”
~~~~~
 
>Mooooovvvee... moooooovvveee...
 
She didn't know what was worse. Waiting for it to move, or the full knowledge that, at any point she likes, she could have literally lifted this entire train onto her back, and walked it back to where ever she wanted to go.
 
If Chitania was being honest with herself, if she had any idea which way civilization was, she would probably have just walked away by now. What was going to happen? She would get attacked by some horrible beast out there? Oh no! The horror! Something slightly meaner and stupider than her would have her in it's grasp! It's almost as bad as annoying-
 
“Miss?”
 
And of fucking course, she came back, Chitania groused to herself.
 
“Listen, I know we got off on the wrong hoof there, but I wanted to apologize, I should not have been so presumptuous and just started going off at you like that.”
 
Which you are doing now, she thought to herself.
 
“So, I brought this!”
 
At last, she turned her head to the source of the annoyance that would not leave her be.
 
“Right? Nobody has this book! Nobody! I had to scour libraries for years. YEARS, I tell you.”
 
>You...
 
The silence that followed was only... mildly awkward.
 
“Oh, uh, right... yeah, guess you weren't really looking before. I'm a princess. Ta daa?... You know, you're actually one of the few that seems shocked by this. Nobody ever points it out. I was kind of confused for a while, but I'm not complaining.”
 
>...How...
 
“How did I become a princess? Wow, okay, that is a long story. Looong story. Well, short of it is-”
 
She kept going, unaware that her 'guest' had long since stopped listening. All she could think about was that face, that distinct color scheme. Her memory of that day was fuzzy, very fuzzy, but there was no mistaking those colors. They stood out against the white so much. And that face... the first thing she had seen as the dream like haze faded away. She knew those colors. She knew that face.
 
She also knew they should both currently be beneath several thousand tons of snow, and without the strength of chitinous armor to keep the crushing force at bay. Her soft, pony body should be but paste.
 
How could she have survived that?
 
She needed information. Now.
 
“And then, in a burst of light, whoom! Princess!... wow, okay, that wasn't really short, I realize, probably could have just skipped over the whole job switching thing-”
 
>It's fine. I am sorry for being cross with you earlier, I have had a bad... week, let's say.
 
“It's fine! Really! I'm sorry for being so pushy, I just get like that around books. Especially rare ones.”
 
>I understand. Do you mind?
 
“No no, by all means!”
 
She levitated the offered book over, idly flipping through the pages, pausing in particular on an entry that stood out to her.
 
>History is a strange thing, isn't it? You can never be totally sure if what you read is what occurred. A civil war here might have been spurred by something none would ever speak of. A town may have torn itself apart searching for something that isn't there... an avalanche could have been caused by a malicious force, and none would ever know.
 
“That's... a little dark.”
 
>I suppose this book just makes me melancholy.
 
Wordlessly, she offered her own book to the princess. Trust is a very hard thing to gain, she would need to pull out all the stops before the train, well, pulled out the stops.
 
“I've never really gotten a chance to read this book, kept meaning to go down to that museum and take a look, just never got around to it.”
 
>Hm? Museum? I got that from one of my art collectors. She said it clashed with her minotaur statue, I got it for a bargain.
 
“Oh?”
 
>Indeed. Worth all twenty thousand bits. Perhaps I should go down to this museum sometime to compare our books, I like to think mine is in better condition.
 
The nervous, uneasy laugh usually means good things.
 
“R-right, you should definitely do that...”
 
>Something wrong?
 
“It's just weird... have you noticed this thing, this dark beast, is always standing above the smaller ones?”
 
>It is natural for those who stand tall to tower over their lessers.
 
“Right, but it's not... ruling them or anything. It's almost as if it's...”
 
>Ignoring them, I agree. As if they were not even in there. It has no desire to rule, as ruling them would be pointless to its goal. It desires the sun, and nothing else.
 
“...Then why won't it let them be hurt?”
 
Damn, the Queen thought to herself, forgot about that page with her blocking that attack...
 
>They are still it's kin, are they not? Why would it not protect them?
 
“Dunno, just doesn't seem...”
 
>...I agree, it was pointless. The final page depicts the beast standing alone with the sun in it's grasp, but the others are not there. For all her fighting, for all her struggle, it was in vain. She was alone in the end.
 
“...Her?”
 
>What, doesn't it look like a her to you?”
 
“Ah, well. Not really.”
 
She couldn't help but twitch a bit at that.
 
“But... I do think you're wrong. Just because she didn't save them forever, doesn't mean it was all pointless. I don't think she saw it that way either, she looks happy in the end. Maybe just the act of keeping them around for that long was enough.”
 
>Hrmph, and you know something of the minds of terrible beasts, do you?
 
The uncomfortable look was just the opening she needed.
 
>Oh my, are you by any chance the one who accidentally let out that giant monster?
 
Oh, it's so nice when she can make them flinch, she thought to herself.
 
“Ah.... yes, that was me. I um, I made a terrible mistake.”
 
>Not so terrible, she clearly let you live.
 
“Actually... she tried to kill me, I think.”
 
>Oh? And how did you survive?
 
“Heh, well, we alicorns are actually really hard to kill, turns out.”
 
>Hmm, I know a thing about that. But surely something that powerful would have made it difficult, no?
 
“Yes, well, she didn't manage, obviously.”
 
>Oh, of course. My apologies. ...Would you?”
 
“Hm?
 
>If you could be like her, would you protect those smaller creatures?
 
“Oh, of course. I mean, my mentor, Princess Celestia, has been helping ponies for millennia. She's likely seen more deaths than anyone. But she keeps helping, keeps working to make their lives better. I think... I think it's not that this creature failed, I think she just... gave up. She chose to stop helping when they needed her, and ran off after the sun. She left them behind... when she could have saved them all.”
 
She did not know why, but something about those words made a spark of anger flare in her mind.
 
>...Who says they were worth saving?
 
Sternly, Twilight looked her dead in the eyes.
 
“She did. And then she changed her mind. Everyone is worth saving.”
 
>Oh? Funny. That's not what I've heard recently. Lots of those clamoring for a certain monsters death, not saving.
 
“...Do you disagree?”
 
>Not at all. If she is caught, she will be killed, there are too many who wish her dead for it to end otherwise. She would be a fool to hold it against any one pony, specifically.
 
“...Not everyone wants her dead.”
 
That snort of derision could not have been less refined, but she couldn't help it.
 
>Name one.
 
“My brother.”
 
>Pfft, lover of monsters, is he?
 
“No. He actually doesn't really like her. She hurt his daughter, hurt my sister in law and hurt a lot of others he cares about.”
 
Instantly, flashes of a certain white stallion lit up in her mind.
 
>Then he is lying. Nobody could take all of that and wish help for the one who hurt them. None. Best case scenario, he wants her power. He wants her strength for his army and political uses. They do not cry for the heart of beasts. They want their claws. If he let her live, it's because he changed his mind before she fell all the way down.
 
There was a long, long pause that punctuated that.
 
“...Have you gotten a chance to see the fauna around here? It's really quite nice.”
 
>I'm sure.
 
“No, really, it's amazing. So many different flowers and trees, I could talk your ear off.”
 
>Please don't.
 
“Oh, of course not, but I'm just saying if you wanted to go sightseeing, I would be happy to accompany you.”
 
>I am fine in here.
 
“Are you sure? It's really amazing out there. Maybe we can help move the train so we can get going, you look like you're strong... magically, I mean.”
 
>And what makes you think...
 
Those eyes.
 
They're the same now. The same as when she... let her out.
 
“Really, I insist, it would be a ton of fun.”
 
The shakes were very, very subtle. So subtle, anyone else would have missed them. But seeing minute details was a changeling's bread and butter.
 
So...
 
It's come to this...
 
>Well, if you insist-
 
Chitania's perception of reality in the next second was hazy at best, a single blink of reality stretched out for what felt like an eternity.
 
She felt something touch the side of her head.
 
She felt warmth spread out over that side of her head, and eventually cover everything.
 
She felt light, as if gravity had decided to leave her be for the moment. Floating through the air as the world spun without her.
 
Finally, she felt a ringing in her skull. She did not hear the ringing, she felt that ringing.
 
And then, for just the briefest of moments, the world went dark, save for two single words, stretched out through time.
 
“SPIKE NO!”
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>Twilight
“Spike”
'Dash'
~~~~~
 
>SPIKE!
 
Stunned, she could only stare horrified at the charred, blackened spot where the explosive round had gone off. Even from across the room, she felt the kickback from what was supposed to be a focused, pinpoint burst of power. There was enough force in that bullet to level a building.
 
And he had just shot her in the head.
 
“Twilight, I had to-”
 
A rainbow blur tackled him to the ground, a cyan hoof pinning his claw holding his gun to the side.
 
'WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? You just cold blooded MURDERED that mare!'
 
“It was Chitania, Dash! That was her!”
 
While Dash slowly realized what he was saying, Twilight's eyes never left that spot, or the crumpled form on the other side of the train. She had been so close to getting her away.
 
>Spike... what have you done...
 
Angrily, he shoved Dash off.
 
“I wasn't going to let her just wreck the train, Twilight, this was our one shot to take her out before she hurt anyone else! She was too dangerous, I had to hit her before she could retaliate! Twi... this was the only way... that's why we were after her, right? To stop her? To keep her from hurting anyone else> Who knows what she could have done!?”
 
{Yes.}
 
The air may as well have left the room.
 
{What could she have done?}
 
She stood up, half of her head charred and and frayed, and a single eye bloodshot from brusing. The green fire that washed over her seemed to burn her skin away, revealing dark chitin beneath. A darkness only offset by the flames of emerald that burned from her eyes.
 
{Let's find out.}
 
A pitch black, hole laden hoof swung backwards, deep, deep into the metal wall behind her. And then it swung forward.
 
That entire wall was still attached.
 
Speed was a boon that every day from then on, Spike would be thankful his friend had spent countless hours mastering. His world became a flash of multiple colors and the crunch of metal on metal.
 
>EVERYONE OFF THE TRAIN!
 
Not that they needed to be told when they all visibly saw that the train was under attack, and in fact was under attack by chunks of itself, but in times of crisis, it's important to take charge.
 
Even if she was currently fleeing from a Changeling queen actually charging through walls.
 
Passengers flooded out in droves as the screech of metal twisted and the roar of fury made the very steel itself vibrate. They watched as the train's interior lit up with flashes of magic, bursts of energy shooting out and carving massive gashes as they split the confined area.
 
{You know, I was hoping to find out how you survived with a simple conversation. Wouldn't that have been nice? A nice, easy talk?}
 
Emerald magic shot down the long hallway, barely avoided by Twilight's less than stellar flight capabilities.
 
{But now I have to stress test this. We get to discover everything that you're capable of surviving, won't that be fun?}
 
>Chitania, wait!
 
{No, I don't think I will-}
 
Another gunshot, another explosion. Less reaction, physically at least.
 
{OW! YOU LITTLE FUCKING-}
 
As she whirled on the dragon standing behind her, she couldn't help but feel a wash of deja vu.
 
{...Wait a minute, didn't I kill you!?}
 
“Well...”
 
He loaded up another round, a different looking one, and cocked the hammer back.
 
“Maybe you did, and I'm sent from hell to kick your ass from beyond the grave.”
 
He fired off seven shots, each one carrying with them an electric payload that blew out every bulb above them and set fire to the seats. She was unbothered.
 
{If hell sent someone like you after me...}
 
Her massive hoof slammed down beneath her, and with one swing literally tore the floor out from beneath him, before whipping that sheet metal like a blanket and sending him crashing into the ceiling.
 
{...then I hope the next child they pick at least has better toys.}
 
A cry behind her was the only warning before a wave of magic washed past her. But it did not assault her, strangely, instead it sunk into what remained of the walls surrounding her, warping the metal of the train inward and twisting them into pike-like protrusions. Amused, the Queen let out a small chuckle.
 
{Clever, trying to prevent me from using my full form. But that simply means I will have to beat you down with my bare-}
 
Before she could finish turning around, a wash of cold poured all over her back. Instantly, her mind began flashing back to that horrible feeling, that feeling of the ice entombing her, containing her, leaving her helpless...
 
The frost that had formed over her didn't even last a moment.
 
Steam still pouring off her, she ripped another chair from it's bolted position, tossing it against a sheild that just barely braced itself in time.
 
>So, cold does bother you...
 
With a speed that would have put the train they stood upon to shame, the tall Queen slammed headfirst into the orb protecting the princess, sending ripples down it's magical power and leaving cracks along it's surface. Without missing a beat, she reared back and a flurry of blows rained down upon the magic, shattering it before it could recover. Twilight just barely teleported back a couple feet before those same hooves turned her into purple paste.
 
{Pathetic little... what is that sound?}
 
Twilight's ears twitched as she too heard it. Faint, but growing louder...
 
'….ld...ield.,....shield... shield..shieLDSHEILDSHIELDSHIELDSHIELD!'
 
>DASH NO!
 
Too late, the princess could only instinctively toss a shield around the pegasus just an instant after she broke the sound barrier and unleashed a massive rainboom, flying in through the hole created in Chitania's initial attack and using her path of destruction to lead her.
 
Right.
 
Into.
 
Her.
 
Even Chitania, as durable and powerful as she was, screamed in shock and in pain as a blue rocket with a magical covering hit her from behind, and her world became a blur.
 
Those outside the train stared in awe as rainbow colors went down the entire line of the train, flickering along like some carnival game with the sounds of destruction trailing in it's wake. It happened in the blink of an eye.
 
And stopped just as suddenly.
 
The front end of the train bowed outward as if it was a balloon being inflated, and then exploding as it it were hit from the inside by a shotgun. A black blur, moving too fast to see, rocketed out and hit the ground hard, bouncing along the train tracks before skidding and rolling down far beyond what anyone could see, only a trail of dust visible to tell anyone it had gone.
 
Exhausted, out of breath and clinging to the blown at hole in the front of the train, Dash couldn't help but keep the goofy smile off her face.
 
'That was... for Gilda's hometown... you bitch...'
 
>DASH!
 
The alicorn, with Spike floating in tow right behind her, flew around the badly damaged train, worry all over her face.
 
>WHAT DID YOU DO!?
 
'Naaah, s'okay Twi! I... I totally hit her with a rainboom...'
 
>I wanted her in the train!
 
Blinking wearily, Dash's face scrunched up in confusion.
 
'...whyyyyy?'
 
Though they would never know for sure, they nonetheless had a pretty good idea that even Canterlot just heard that roar.
 
And even from their position so far away, they could see the green fire lick the sky.
 
>BECAUSE THAT!
 
'...It's probably not that bad.'
 
They felt the earth shake, and watched as pebbles and small stones started hopping.
 
'...Okay, it is that bad.'
 
Were she anyone else, she would have been turned into a blob of red and blue when the titanic form rammed headfirst into the train, rearing backwards and tossing the entire front of the locomotive behind her.
 
“Well, there goes our ride!”
 
'...No, wait, here it comes- MOVE!'
 
Dodging a flying train, as it turns out, is pretty hard to do. So, Twilight had to settle for blasting it to pieces. Her magical blast sank through the train, colliding with the monster that had thrown it. To her despair, a full blast was barely even noticed.
 
'She's going to tear us apart!'
 
Seeing the ponies trying to flee the wreckage below... Twilight found her resolve.
 
>...No, she's not!
 
The Alicorn's horn abruptly glowed, and she let out a strangled cry. Beneath her, more sections of the train disconnected themselves, and floated beside her, each car pointed outwards like a second set of arms.
 
Metal on metal screeched as she clashed them together, bending the fronts into blunt shapes.
 
>COME ON!
 
Her magic holding them she swung down, catching Chitania right in the side of the head. Massive teeth sank into the offending object, just in time for the other one to hook around and catch her in the back, and cause her to cry out just enough to slip the train loose. Like rapid fire pistons, the pair of metal arms hammered forward, smashing into her again and again.
 
To everyone's amazement, she started to move back...
 
To everyone's horror, she abruptly snapped forward, and shattered both cars with one blow.
 
The magic dispelled, they were now free to be grasped in massive hooves, rolled together in a vague ball like shape, and tossed at the trio still in the skies.
 
A quick teleportation was all that saved them.
 
{COWARD! COME DOWN AND FIGHT!}
 
Needless to say, they declined non-verbally.
 
{You think your toys can face me!? I AM CHITANIA THE TITAN! I AM THE STRONGEST QUEEN WHO HAS EVER LIVED! NONE STAND AGAINST ME! NOT ARMIES! NOT DEMONS! NOT EVEN FALSE GODS! Do you really think you can defeat me!?}
 
Panting in exhaustion, and barely keeping herself afloat, those below expected many reactions.
 
They did not expect her to suddenly shake her head sadly.
 
>No, I can't defeat you, not like this. I hadn't really planned on it. The intention was to talk to you, and plan from there. But... I guess that's off the table, huh?
 
The mocking laughter said it all.
 
>... You know, I think I've got at least a little respect for you now. This whole time, you could have taken a hostage or something, but you instead just chose to fight me outright. Didn't go after the little guys, just us. That's noble, if nothing else.
 
The laughter just continued, but louder.
 
>...But you're right, I'm not as strong as you. I can't punch mountains and make them move, I can't tank a hit that would destroy a house, and I can't cause earthquakes by sneezing. I'm not a fighter...
 
There was only one thing that could kill that laughter.
 
Twilight's smile.
 
>I'm a thinker. For instance, I noticed you have a lot of trouble paying attention to the after-effects of an attack. Is this because you're used to brushing off damage? I don't know. But what I do know is that it made it easy to slip something into that blast at the start.
 
Blinking in confusion, the Changeling's eyes slowly trailed down to her chest and forelegs.
 
Huh. That was an odd shade of black. Had a weird, liquid texture to it... Kind of looked like...
 
>And I also noticed you had trouble paying attention to large objects when attacking.
 
She couldn't see it, of course, so she had no idea what Twilight was referring to.
 
Everyone else suddenly noticed the cargo-car, the one part of the train still in tact, was now behind her on the tracks, and wondered when that had moved there.
 
>And finally, you have no nerves in your tail.
 
{...What?}
 
>Oh, and by they way, quick science lesson on electromagnetism-
 
Before she finished, the train suddenly sparked with magic as if alive.
 
And tore off down the tracks at a speed that would make even the fastest Wonderbolt bow their head in respect.
 
Chitania didn't even have the joy of a half second to process it before it yanked her off her hooves by her tail, and the oil sprayed all along her underside did it's job perfectly. How far into the distance Chitania would go, nobody was entirely sure. But judging by how, even with her massive roaring, the sounds grew quieter and quieter... it was enough.
 
>...Another time, then.
 
Below her, the passengers on the train let out a loud, explosive applause.
 
And Twilight promptly floated back down to earth. “Floated” in this case referring to “Kind of fell but Dash caught her”. Spike joined her in her floating, in this case referring to “Grabbed Dash's leg no matter how much she protested because he was done with the damn slapstick, thank you.”
 
“Way to go, Twi!”
 
Congratulatory dragon hugs were nice, she admitted.
 
>I didn't actually beat her, guys. She's still out there.
 
'Yeah, but she's TOTALLY going to remember this! You straight up punked her! She'll never forget...'
 
>...
“...”
 
'...Now, see, now that I said that out loud...'
 
“...All of our luggage is gone.”
 
'MY DARING DO COLLECTORS EDITION!'
 
>Dash is... sort of right. We should get out of here before she gets back, she's probably not going to be very happy.
 
“Putting it mildly...”
 
'WHELP! You hear her, everybody! Down the tracks! In the opposite direction of the giant monster, if you don't mind!'
 
They groaned in protest and discomfort, but nobody was arguing with her after that little display. That would just be stupid. Wordlessly, they all started to march, Dash heading to the front of the line to ensure nothing dangerous lied ahead.
 
He was aching and sore all over, but that wasn't going to stop Spike from supporting Twilight as best he could, even if she was doing just as much supporting for him.
 
“Well, that was a bust. Did you at least get something useful?”
 
From the twisted, broken wreckage behind her, rubble parted ways as something rose from the ruin. A simple, small little shape...
 
>Oh yeah...
 
Gently, a book floated in front of her.
 
>I got something alright.
 
Trusting her, they walked off into the distance.
 
Far, far, far, faaaaaar behind them, the train having come to an abrupt stop on the side of a mountain when it had gone off the tracks, the burning, unbelievable fury of the Titan Queen could have melted steel. In fact, it did. Nothing was on her mind but hate, and the desire to kill everything on this planet, slowly. There was only one thing that kept that rage from driving her to madness.
 
It would be several hours before she was calm enough to realize it, but eventually, she would come to thank the fact she had remembered to stow Mr Popcorn in the baggage car in bubble wrap.
 
Were it not for this calming bit of fortuitous chance, she would likely have burned the forest to the ground.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>32
"High Roller"
'Reggie'
-Q-
 
>And that's how 50 ate a fried Wyrm, any questions?
 
'*chitter*'
 
>Yes. For days. As if he'd drank the water in Mexicolt.
 
-...-
 
>No, this was after the Stalliongrad Ballet, but you're keeping track, and I appreciate that. So should I tell you about Chicagoat or that time in Germaneigh-?
 
"Heyyyyyyo~!"
 
>Oh Love, what now? About to commence more formication with your lady love?
 
"Oh no no, not at all, my main mandible-"
 
>I do not have those!
 
"-I just wanna make amends for giving you short end of the stick with that whole silly 'Reading Material' thing. So I got ya this."
 
>More!?
 
"Not from the same guys, I got this from a changeling, figure the common ground would speak to your beleaguered soul~"
 
>Hmm...what's this one? 'Knight of the Hive', sounds intriguing at the least, fine I-
 
Fifteen minutes later.
 
>-WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR GIVING ME THIS ABSOLUTE GREENSPIT!
 
"Yeesh, what's the problem!"
 
>THE THOUGHT OF HER BREEDING IN THEORY DISGUSTS ME, WHY WOULD I WANT TO READ THE ACTUAL PLAY BY PLAY!?
 
"Whoa, they go that far? I'm behind in updates."
 
>...
 
"What?"
 
>I am going to add you to the list of 'people I kill before Chrysalis'.
 
"What, really!?"
 
>Right up there with whoever penned this garbage and the writer of that confounded Power Ponies reboot.
 
"Hey, I like Garth Eneighs."
 
>My but you are moving up the rankings likety split!
 
"Okay, jeez, just give me the other one?"
 
>What one?
 
"Revolution of the Mind?"
 
>That was by the same guy!?
 
"Yeah?"
 
>Wow, night and day difference in quality...
 
"..."
 
>...what?
 
"Narcissist fuck."
 
>Huh?
 
High Roller walks off, shaking his head.
 
>Imbecile. Now let's see, what chapter was I on...
 
'*chitter*'
 
>What are you talking about? The Neighle is SO a river in Giraffica!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
"Cadance"
-18-
>Brain
 
"It's been WAY too long since we went out like this."
 
-I just know that I'm gonna get back and have a million mistakes to correct, but right now, I don't give a damn.
 
"I know, right? A good bath just melts your cares away. And this new soap is supposed to make your coat all shiny and smooth. Oh, I love it.
 
-Chitin, remember?-
 
"I'm sure it has the same effect. But that aside, I also got this exfoliate I want to try out."
 
-More? You really broke the bank on this trip, are you sure Shiny'll approve?-
 
"Hey, I've been saving up for this for a long time. Had it's own special account and everything."
 
-You're sure it wasn't Two's college fund?-
 
"Don't even play around like that."
 
-No disrespect, just a joke. I know you'd never do that, even by accident.-
 
"Shining actually made it so that can't happen anyway. Nothing comes out of there until she's grown. Been putting most of my 'cake' budget in there."
 
-Something I've wondered, all you princesses get a cake budget, but you never spend it on cake. Do any of them? What's that all about?-
 
"Actually only Twilight and me spend it on anything besides cake. But appearently it's something Auntie Celestia needs to live, but it wouldn't be fair if the others didn't get it."
 
-Fair, huh.-
 
"I guess I can see if you can get one. You do a lot of work, so maybe you could be an honorary princess?-
 
-No thanks, I do not need the extra sugar. I still can't squeeze into your ass.-
 
"Shiny loves my butt just the way it is thanks."
 
-Hence my attempts to copy it. So, about this exfoliate, how's it work?-
 
"Here, I'll show you. Then I can do 42. Just take this clothe here. Get the paste on it. And rub it in real good. Gotta do it by hoof to get the right pressure, magic will mess it up"
 
-Hey, that feels pretty good. Shiny and smooth, right?-
 
"That's right. This won't take too long, then you'll be next 42."
 
"42?"
 
-Pretty sure the water isn't supposed to be red.-
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 
>Body, hey body? Say, um. Do you know I need air, right? No? Just thought I'd ask. Carry on.
 
>Well, I mean. It's not like she ever listened to me anyway.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>SA
"Luna"
'Pinkie'
[Sombra]
~???~
-???-
~~~~~~~
 
>BAD LUNA!
 
"We did not know our slicer still lived! Do not blame us!"
 
'Lived might be the wrong word...'
 
"We dabbled in golem creation, all were young once!"
 
>Right, but when I was young I didn't create a giant monster made out of blades.
 
"Tis only about six feet high, hardly giant! T'was a folly!"
 
[Your craftsmanship is quite impressive, actually.]
 
"We thank thee, we are proud of it."
 
>...
 
"...Shut up."
 
>Just take us home.
 
"............"
 
'...Uh, Lulu? That's when you-'
 
"Mine teleporting is not working."
 
[...WHAT!?]
 
"It's not! It won't let me teleport! I keep trying, but it won't... ARRRGGHHHH!"
 
>I do not like that argh noise.
 
"Tis remnants from our cursed imprisonment! The magic of the Elements still remains! But they should be weak! They should not...."
 
>...
 
[...]
 
'...What? Why is everyone looking at me- Ohhhhhh, I see the problem.'
 
>...So, what's the plan?
 
"We do this the hard way."
 
>I do not like that sound.
 
"We did not thing you would. BUBBLEHORSE! Cast thine shields!"
 
>Reaaaally not liking this....
 
'OOOH! I SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING!'
 
[I feel a tinge of regret.]
 
"ON THREE!"
 
>Really, really, reaaaaally not liking-
 
"THREE!"
 
~~~~~
 
~Tia? Got a question.~
 
-And I have a machine designed specifically to answer it! It is called an answering machine! You speak into it, then I hit the little delete button and it alllll goes away!-
 
~....~
 
-...Fine, what do you want?-
 
~What in tarnation is that?~
 
-What in... ugh 'tarnation' is wha
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
Definite non-canon addition
>???
“???”
_____
 
What was weird wasn’t the smoking train missing a few compartments and ultimately looking as though used as a dragon’s chewtoy. No, that was pretty much ordinary compared to the only two remaining inhabitants of said locomotive.
 
A pony… and a Changeling. A duo who chose to sit in the far back, who had been sitting there the entire time. Before the disguised Queen had entered, before Twilight and her entourage had climbed aboard, kept silent during their entire conversation, endured that admittedly splendid Sonic Rainboom, barely moved an inch when Chitania sought to dismantle the cabin, and only now were deciding to speak to one another as the Queen in question built up quite the kinetic energy just outside the train.
 
She was angry. Downright livid, her fury such that the sterling silver framework of the train began to turn a boiling red.
 
The two still on board? They only continued to peruse the newspaper in their grasp, lips moving with terse conversation.
 
>Well. That was certainly… something.
 
“But nothing unexpected, I’d say.”
 
>You knew, didn't you?
 
“Call it a hunch. Suffice it to say, the world should praise your princess that the Titan Queen falls short in a few categories where battle etiquette is concerned. All crush, no plan.”
 
>Just means that it’ll be easier to banish her back into the ice for another millennia.
 
“You’d think so, wouldn’t you? Well, what would your princess think of you for not assisting her precious protege? She could have very well lost her life in that scruffle, Jet Set.”
 
A page turned and the pony’s black sunglasses glinted with the sunlight filtering in through the cracked and shattered windows.
 
>Since you seem to be woefully confused, let me correct you on a few things, Seven. First, Celestia is my Queen, not my ‘princess’. Second, remember the first. Third, I don’t think I’d’ve missed a single word in this column I’m reading even if your Titan had reduced Twilight to the width of a bit. And fourth, remember the second.
 
“That's cold.”
 
>That's duty.
 
“By the way, which page are you on? I’m caught trying to decide if it’s worth it to clip this coupon on page twelve, arts and craft section.”
 
>Why not just do so?
 
“Because if I take concentration away from you, Jet, you might just opt for one of two things. Either try and take my life, or try to speak with the Titan Queen.”
 
Another page was turned with the elite pony agent only offering up a subtle nod.
 
>Hm.
 
“Neither of which I can allow, so I suppose the coupon can wait.”
 
>Smart choice. I’d have gone for you first, just so you know.
 
“Ah.”
 
>So how long until she just arbitrarily loses both her way and us again?
 
“Who knows? The forces that be are the forces that be for that exact reason, their unpredictability. It could be anywhere from six hours to three days to….”
 
Jet Set didn’t glance up at 007’s sudden pause. He only turned another page.
 
>Gone, is she?
 
“Looks like it. Her and Mr. Popcorn.”
 
>You’re not really going to start calling it that, are you, Seven?
 
There was a tranquil pause, during which both operatives neatly folded their respective papers, tucked them into a spare pocket of their clothing and met eyes for the first time since boarding the train.
 
“I think it best to remember the things that make the Titan Queen happy. Retaining the nickname of an item that she clearly feels affection for might usher in a few more words of persuasion before she tries to grind us to dust.”
 
>Ludicrous. But that’s a discussion for another day. Shall we?
 
“After you.”
 
Never one to refuse an offer from the opposition, Jet Set adjusted his glasses. Then flung himself at 007 with enough force to send the both of them barreling down the aisles, over the already uprooted chairs and through the steel walls, all the while exchanging blows that collided with crackling vigor.
 
But between them, that was normal.
 
Celestia had her ace. Chrysalis had hers. And those aces respected each other despite the innate loathing that drove them to battle each and every time they crossed paths. They would duel, separate, then find one another again somewhere down the line. Just like so many times past.
 
Yeah, just business as usual.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'SA'
[Luna]
{Pinkie}
~Sombra~
-Applejack-
~~~~~
 
>Hey, Celestia? Your balcony exploded. Just thought I would come up her to tell you that.
 
From within the massive amounts of dust and rubble, she sword she FELT the glare, rather than saw it.
 
"Thank you for your helpful nature, Chrysalis. As always, you have proven yourself a vital link in our ever growing chain of friendship."
 
>You know me, happy to help.
 
'Luna, did you just forget about re-entry?'
 
[NO!... we forgot thou would not be able to survive it.]
 
"Okay, Luna? This is the shit that got you banished. Shit like trying to kill my bubblehorse is the reason bad stuff keeps happening to you."
 
'I like that I'm 'your' bubblehorse in this scenario.'
 
"And don't you forget it."
 
>Shiny!
 
'That's me.'
 
>YOU'RE A DICK!
 
'Also me, I guess?'
 
>Seriously, I can't believe you left without letting me come! You always have to let the lady come, it's just rude if you get to go off and she doesn't.
 
{SNKHAHAHAH!}
 
>And let me guess, you fought this big dark evil thing, right? Could have used my help?
 
'...nope.'
 
>No?
 
'Nope. Nothing eventful happened at all. Got in, got the opal, got out, everything was fine and there was no need to worry.'
 
{What about the-}
 
*CRUNCH!*
 
{H-HOOF! HOOF HOOF HOOF HOOF!}
 
'Oh, right. There was a stone hoof on the floor. Pinkie tripped on it and hurt herself. Poor thing.'
 
{Y-yeah, p-p-poor me....}
 
[Wait, what about the-]
 
~Oh, yes. There was also a slight danger of our suits being opened, thank goodness nobody was there to try to convince him to take it off to join some ridiculous sex related club.~
 
>Hee... right....
 
[I meant the-]
 
-FACT YA'LL ARE CRUSHIN' MAH GODDANG CHEST!? YEAH! LET'S TALK BOUT THAT FER A BIT! OR NOT! GET OFF YA' FREAKIN' JELLOASSED MARE!-
 
[Our posterior is not like jello at all!]
 
-OFF!-
 
[...We can't, we're stuck in the floor.]
 
-ARRRRGGGGHHH-
 
>Wait, I can't see, is Shiny stuck too? I want to bitch at him some more.
 
'...Yes.'
 
>Fuck. Fine, I'm not helping your ass out.
 
'I understand.'
 
>Later, assholes. I drank all your good wine.
 
'You earned it.'
 
"...Is she gone?"
 
~She's gone.~
 
"Good."
 
Within the dust and clouds of rubble, the white alicorn squeezed him tighter against her chest.
 
"Glad you're alright, Shiny."
 
'Wasn't gone that long.'
 
"Every minute with her can stretch on forever, I swear."
 
'Thanks for catching me.'
 
"Instinct, I tell you."
 
[You did not catch us!]
 
"You were trying to kill Shiny, I was irate."
 
[EAT THINE OWN HOOF!]
 
-Seriously, though, GET OFF!-
 
[We can't!]
 
-...Ah need a vacation.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Dash
"Twilight"
'Spike'
~~~~~
 
>Are we there yet?
 
"No."
 
>Are we there yet?
 
"No."
 
>Are we there yet?
 
"No."
 
>Are we there-
 
'THAT'S IT! SHE DIES!'
 
*CLICKCLICKCLICK!*
 
'...Right, wasted all my bullets on the bitch queen.'
 
"Isn't that Chrysalis?"
 
'You know what? Chitania moved up a notch on my list. She is now above Chrysalis on bitch meter.'
 
>I feel you, really. I do.
 
"Good, say that around Chrysalis some more."
 
'...Twi, how hard did you get hit back there?'
 
"Mild concussion and magical drain, nothing serious. But that has nothing to do with applesauce."
 
'...'
 
>...
 
"I mean, that has nothing to do with me saying that. You see this book?"
 
'Yeeeeaaaahhh?'
 
"See the squiggles?"
 
>Squiggles there be.
 
"Look familiar?"
 
'...Ah, fuck.'
 
>Don't get it.
 
'Changeling. It's written in Changeling... because she's a changeling, of course. Which means we've got to rely on the queen bitch the second to translate.'
 
"Bingo."
 
'...Fine. By the by, Twi? I'm going to need stronger bullets. My strongest didn't even hurt her when she WASN'T dragon-sized.'
 
>Seriously, what is she made of? Pure bitchtanium?
 
"TRADEMARKED!"
 
>...
 
"...Possibly more than a mild concussion."
 
>...Are we there-
 
'DIEEEEEEEE!'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________