_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
Because I love you people:
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0lV44wL83iQ
(sorry, not the full story. Also, no idea who the mysterious "Japanese Rainbolt Announcer" is)
 
RELATED STORY
 
>Cadence
"42"
'Various Changelings'
~~~~~~~~
 
>42! Come look!
 
"...Oh sweet mercy, what did you do with the Rainbolts?"
 
>Watch! Do it, guys!
 
'Rainbolts, ROLL CALL!'
 
'Rainbolt RED, The Crimson Blast! HAH!'
 
'Rainbolt YELLOW, The Lightning Flash! HWAH!'
 
'Rainbolt GREEN! Earth Shaking Strike! WAH!'
 
'Rainbolt BLUE! The Ocean Splitter! YAH!'
 
'Rainbolt INDIGO! The Nights Warrior! RAH!'
 
'RAINBOLTS, TOKUSENTAI!'
 
Another Multicolored explosion went off behind them, with the classic guitar riff following.
 
"..."
 
>Isn't it the best!?
 
"...So can they fly?"
 
>...Shoot.
 
'DAMN IT YELLOW!'
 
'Way to drop the ball, Yellow!'
 
'Guess I did it again!'
 
'Oh, Yellow!'
 
'Classic Yellow.'
 
They all shared a long, joyous laugh.
 
Except 42. She just... just kind of curled into a little ball, and had herself a nice, long cry.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Rarity
“Spike”
-???-
_______
 
Rarity glanced over her shoulder at the mirror displaying her admirable rump. To this day she still didn’t regret agreeing to let Chrysalis drain her of those unseemly pounds, though, naturally, she chose to leave the ass more or less the same. And what an ass it was. She gave it a playful wriggle, beguiled by how tightly the jeans she wore hugged her perfect pony posterior. It was enough to make any stallion drool.
 
Or any dragon.
 
>I know my wittle Spikey-Wikey’s been feeling down lately, this should be the perfect way to cheer him up, let him have a bit of fun, oh yes.
 
She crossed over to her bed and pulled out a wooden box filled with glittering jewels. After making sure her plot was hiked up just right, she pretended to sift through the chest and cleared her throat.
 
>Ooooh, Spike-Wikey! Could you come here for a second, darling? I need a bit of help….
 
The sound of fast approaching footsteps met Rarity’s ears and she had to stop herself from openly giggling when they suddenly came to a halt just in her doorway. He must’ve caught sight of her in such a… comprising position, a young, beautiful mare nearly face-down and plot-up? That was every boy’s dream! Oh, to see the look on his face….
 
“D… did you need something, Rarity?”
 
>Yes, dear, I was fiddling with these fussy diamonds here and I just couldn’t decide which went better with my jeans.
 
She magically lifted two diamonds, a bright red ruby resting over the right cheek and a glistening sapphire taking the left.
 
>And then it suddenly occurred to me, who better to pick amongst diamonds than my darling Spikey-Wikey….
 
“…”
 
>Oh but that won't do, there’s no way you could possibly tell the difference from way over there. Come closer, darling, it’s okay!
 
“Are y-you sure…?”
 
Rarity only bounced her rump, still pretending to search through the box.
 
>Don’t make a lady ask twice, dear.
 
She bit back a gasp of surprise when she felt what was unmistakably a face colliding with her backside, and getting in there good, too. She hadn’t expected him to dive right into her assets so quickly but didn’t stop him either, only letting her aloft tail drape over his head.
 
>Nnmmm… thaaat’s it, enjoy yourself, dear.
 
After a few minutes had passed and Spike had gotten his fill of whatever fascination he had gained with her rear, Rarity felt that enough and turned around, having prepared a speech throughout his snuggling.
 
“Woooow, thanks, Rarity!”
 
>It was my pleasure, Spi-… you… you’re not Spikey….
 
And true enough, it wasn’t. 56 stood before the fashion mare wearing a dopey, content smile stretching ear to ear.
 
“Noooope, just me, 56!”
 
>But… y-you sound like Spike… just like him….
 
“I’m a Changeling, remember? It’s not hard to just change my voice!”
 
>…
 
“Thanks for lettin’ me snuggle your butt, though! It was like putting my face in warm dough, really soft, and it smelled soooo good! Can I do it again?”
 
>…
 
~~~~~~
 
Strolling down the hall towards Applejack’s with the latest provisions bill from the kitchen, Spike glanced up when it sounded like a full-blown army was stampeding towards him.
 
But it was just 56. With Rarity hot on his heels.
 
“GANG WAAAAAY!”
 
>GET BACK HERE YOU PERVERTED LITTLE BUG!
 
-What the heck?-
 
Spike could only stare in confusion as the racing pair tore right past him and out of sight.
 
-…Nope. Don’t even care.-
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>18
"Twilight"
~~~~
 
>No.
 
"What? Why not?"
 
>This is stupid.
 
"Come on, please?"
 
>No.
 
"It'll really help me out!"
 
>No. That vest is stupid.
 
"I just need to compare love-levels between you and her, I need more data! ...Shiny will be happy if you do!"
 
>He'll be more happy when I finish this construction order for the Empire's expansion. Turns out, me dressing up for him isn't as big a turn on as I hoped.
 
"What is it with you Changelings and hiding stuff?"
 
>...
 
"...Point taken."
 
>Besides, your data's off anyway.
 
"You take that back right now or I will slap you."
 
>Just saying, that should be a four.
 
"...Bullshit. You absolutely did not find a mistake I overlooked."
 
>Cadence has trained me well for finding errors. And I'm good with math. Does everyone except Shiny forget that? I am.
 
"Fine. I'll go grab someone else... maybe I'll get Celestia to order 77 to put it on."
 
>Have fun with that.
 
Judging by the way she left in a huff, she would not.
 
Alone, 18 let out the breath she had subconsciously been holding in. Reaching into her desk, she pulled out a round, perfectly smoothed crystal, one of what appeared to be dozens.
 
And then she shattered it when she squeezed it like a stress-ball.
 
>Man, this habit is expensive... Hrm, how could I say "I need a stress ball that can take several tons of pressure" subtly.
 
She thought to herself hard for a second.
 
And then crushed another one.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>42
"Pinkie"
'77'
-Spike-
~~~
42 watches Spike training with Pinkie with a satisfied smile
 
'TIME! Alright, Spike, a ten minute break and then you train with 42!'
 
-got'cha...-
 
>Five minutes, and down some water, you look ready to collapse.
 
Five minutes later, 42 was now in the training area with Spike
 
>Now... let me show you how to counter what Pinkie just taught you for your next match with her
 
"Heeyyyy!"
 
Later...
 
"Now I'M gonna show ya the the counter to HER COUNTER!"
 
even later...
 
>I'm going to teach you the counter to her counter to my counter.
 
even later still...
 
"I'M GONNA TEACH YOU THE COUNTER TO HER COUNTER TO MY COUNTER TO HER COUNTER!"
 
And it kept going until Spike was being helped up by an amused 77 and 42 and Pinkie were now, literally, butting heads
 
'Well, this is quite amusing...'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>42
"Spike"
~~~~
 
Well, thank goodness for Dragon Durability™, or else that door flying off the hinges and slamming him flat against the other side of the wall would probably sting.
 
>SPIKE! I NEED YOUR HELP!
 
"42, unless someone is about to die, nothing can justify Spike-squishing. Spike-squishing is a no-no."
 
>You don't understand, I need a movie, fast!
 
There was a deep, deep silence.
 
"I'm sorry, the ringing just stopped, repeat that last bit?"
 
>I need a movie we can watch, now!
 
"'We' as in..."
 
>Shiny, Cadence, Chrysalis, 18 and Celestia! Sometimes Two, but she's having a sleepover with Crusaders tonight.
 
"Huh. This a regular thing?"
 
>All the time! But this is the first time I pick, and I don't want to mess it up.
 
"...Right, uh, what's wrong with just getting an action movie?"
 
>Too predictable!
 
"Fine... romance movie?"
 
>N-NO! Then It'll look like, uh... I mean, Cadence already has that, they're sick of that... right...
 
"Drama?"
 
>18 did that.
 
"Sci-fi?"
 
>That went badly the last two times.... *shudder*... in his friggen chitin....
 
"Comedy?"
 
>Celestia did that.
 
"Whatever! Pick a porno! Will that work, have you watched a porno yet?"
 
>That's a terrible idea! Shining Armor and Cadence burned the living room down when we all watched their sex tape!
 
"..."
>...
"..."
>...
"..."
>....A-hem... Uh... I'm just going to pick a giant monster movie. Nobodies done that yet. T-thanks for the help, Spike, wouldn't... wouldn't have thought of it without you.
 
"..."
 
>...B-bye.
 
Quietly, she scooted back, leaned the door up against the frame, and raced down the hall.
 
Then the images started to come.
 
And the dragon screamed.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Celestia'
~~~~
 
>...
 
"What's your problem?"
 
>Is this an elaborate way to have sex with me? Just tell me if it is right now, I won't hold it against you.
 
"Shiny, I'm going to be honest with you, at this point I'm not one hundred percent sure what I do ISN'T to end up with you balls deep in bugbutt. I have so many plans running constantly I can't even keep track of them anymore."
 
'Or how often they fail.'
 
"But in this particular case, I don't think I am. It might be subconscious."
 
>Well, just in case, no. I'm not going to sleep with you on the off chance I'll die.
 
"Awwww."
 
'Oh, please. If he was sure he was going to die, he would obviously ask me first.'
 
"How do you figure?"
 
'It's simply a numbers game thanks to the time constraint. He only has time for one, and when he gets up to the eternal rapture of paradise, what sounds more impressive? "I fucked Queen Chrysalis again before I died" or "I totally fucked Princess Celestia until she got so excited she nuked me"? He already got you once, a repeat is just wasted potential.'
 
"...That is some cold, calculating logic Celly, and I need time to prepare a rebuttal."
 
'Take your time, we immortals have it-'
 
>OH THANK GOODNESS!
 
"Yaaaay! You disarmed the subspace bomb!... Your turn!"
 
>Fine. Celestia, truth or dare?
 
"Truth."
 
>Is Luna still a virgin?
 
'HAHAHAH! OH MY!.... Yes.'
 
"HAH!"
 
'Chrysalis, Truth or Dare?'
 
"Dare you giant pussy!"
 
>Oh fuck...
 
'Great! Let me get my lightsabers...'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Spike
"Celestia"
~~~
>You wanna see a MAN, princess?
 
Spike widens his stance
 
>Buck me in the jimmy!
 
"No way!"
 
>I SAID 'DO IT!'
 
Celestia reluctantly spins and gives Spike both hooves to his crotch
 
>NNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGYEEEES! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT HARD!
 
Celestia spins once again, and this time gives it everything she's got
 
Sending spike through several walls until he crashes into a fountain
 
"Spike! are you alright?"
 
She fins Spike boiling the water around him while his face goes red
 
>NNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGYEEEEEEAAAAH!!
 
"W-w-whoa! That was cool."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>DT
"Silver Spoon"
'AJ56'
-Spike-
[Rarity via Charity]
~~~~
 
DT watches 56 as he attempts to sprinkle salt on his lunch only for the top to fall off pouring all the salt on his lunch
'Awwwww...who would do this? There's salt everywhere!'
 
>Heheheheheh...*sighs*
 
"Is there something wrong Diamond?"
 
>Eh, it's nothing.
 
"I don't know. That salt shaker thing was really weak compared to the usual attempts to kill him."
 
>...well...It's the gun club. We just got a new member and it's another bug monster. Now there's more bugs than ever.
 
"Oh..."
 
>Agh if only there was another pony could join and help balance out the numbers.
 
"...maybe I can join?"
 
>...you want to join?
 
"Well, yeah. It's just that you've been hanging out with your new friends so often that I can't help feel like I'm being left behind."
 
>Aw Silver Spoon...you should have said something earlier. I'll totally get you in. Spike can't say no to me.
 
~Meeting with Spike~
-No...-
 
>What do you mean no?!
 
-She's not really a combatant type. Is she even interested in guns or any type of weapon?-
 
"Well, I'm kind of interested in-"
 
>She can learn! You can totally teach her.
 
-DT, I've got my claws full being AJ's assistant, training the guards to shoot, having my own private fighting lessons, running the club meetings, and the occasional secret missions. I don't really have the time.-
 
>Fine. I'll teach her then.
 
-...-
 
~Firing range~
-So now that you've made it past gun safety and the Battle Saddle lessons. Choose which guns you want to shoot.-
 
"I want...these ones."
 
-The SMGs? Hm, not a bad choice. It'll be easier to control the recoil compared to an assault rifle.-
 
>Sub Machine guns? More like Sub Optimal Guns. Bigger guns are better guns.
 
"I think they're cute."
 
>Cute? Why have cute when you can have Sexy?
She takes out TBDRLIATU stroking it lovingly
 
-Don't listen to her. It's not about size, it's about how you use them.-
 
>He only says that to compensate for his tiny gun.
 
-For your information, I'm told Charity is pretty big for a revolver-
 
[...Are you calling me fat?]
 
-Oh, uh no no. I didn't mean that....-
 
"Did your gun just talk?"
 
>I'll explain later.
 
"...well, I think she's cute."
 
-Cute? Charity is downright intimidating. Listen to her roar. [rawr]-
 
[Roar?]
 
"She's very well accessorized."
 
[Oh why thank you dear.]
 
-Alright, the guns are in place. Take a deep breath, aim at the target and bite the trigger when you're ready to shoot.-
 
Silver Spoon takes a deep breath and aims.
"...."
*BRADADADAUP BRADADADAUP BRADADADADAUP*
Spike stares at the target.
 
-Hey, nice grouping. Especially for your first time. Maybe you're a natural at this.-
 
"Thanks"
 
-I'm out of time, so I better get going. Now that you've got the basics and I've made sure you know gun safety. Diamond Tiara can take over from here. See ya.-
 
>Um Spike?
 
-Hm?-
 
>Would you...be willing to let her join...if she gets good that is.
 
-When she eventually gets good. I'll welcome her with open arms.-
 
>...Thank you.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>42
"SA"
{Twilight}
~~~~
 
>This is not okay. I am so unbelievably uncomfortable with this whole thing.
 
"I was okay with it until she stuck us in the danger room."
 
{USE IT'S REAL NAME!}
 
>GAH!
 
"SPEAKERS, TWILI! TURN DOWN THE VOLUME!"
 
>WHAT!?
 
{Sorry! But look, this is important. I need to gauge how much love you obtain from someone directly... who is also able to throw up a defense if something should go wrong. Shiny is just the best pony to do it.}
 
"Aw? I'm not sure how to take that."
 
>Look, I get it, it's just... um... I'm uncomfortable with you... watching.
 
{Too bad. Shiny! Love at her!}
 
"...How... how do I do that? Do I just think lovey thoughts or something? To be honest, I have no idea how you guys do your love sappy thing."
 
>Y-you could try... uh...
 
"Hm?"
 
>...Nevermind. J-just do the love think thing.
 
"..."
 
{Fantastic! Your levels are going up at an amazing rate! What are you thinking about, Shiny?}
 
"Her cooking. Love her cookies. You tried those little butterscotch ones? Melt right in your mouth."
 
>Thanks! I worked so hard on them.
 
{...You're thinking about cookies?}
 
"Yep. Want me to switch it up? Okay, try THIS...."
 
{WHOA! That... that's a bit of a spike. What did you think of that time?}
 
"That time she saved a brownie for me. A whole brownie!"
 
{...That's it?}
 
"Twi, that was a Pinkie Pie Supreme™ Brownie. You don't even know."
 
{Huh.}
 
"Oh! I got it! I'll do the love overload thing!"
 
>Wait, the what?
 
{What's this now?}
 
Before either of them could even process it, the stallion had already clenched tightly against her in a fierce hug.
 
{...what the...}
 
"I appreciate you, 42. Couldn't live without you, really."
 
>...
 
{SHINY GET BACK IT'S GOING TO-}
~~~~
 
{-leave fourteen percent of your chest not burned. And don't worry, the metal chunks went clean through! How are you feeling?}
 
"Wow, those colors are AMAZING! All butterfly of them!"
 
{Oh, morphine, is there any problem you can't solve?}
 
>Mah, masshive nosh bleed?
 
{Besides that.}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>SA
"Applejack"
{Various}
~~~~
 
>...
 
"..."
 
>...
 
"...Ya'll ever wonder about how weird our lives get?"
 
*SLAM!*
 
{ORANGE ONE! We have found a new way to gather funds! All we require is the scaled one, a feather boa and hat and for him to be willing to obey our every command... or get smacked!}
 
{If you think you're getting out of training today, Shining Armor, you're off your rockers. I am going to beat the fat out of you and your wife will praise me!}
 
{Applejack, if you don't turn the Empire's portal back on I will end you! I NEED TWO SNUGGLES!}
 
{Shiny! Do you like the pink one, or the reeeeealy pink one? Be honest, and pick the really pink one.}
 
{Uh, Applejack? Can you explain to the guards that it's totally legal I let 56 hold Charity?... please? I don't know if it actually is, I just need you to say it.}
 
{Shiny will you PLEASE just sign this stupid Education Reform bill so I can move on? I've been re-reading it for an hour waiting for you to come back!}
 
{AJ? Darling? I'm going to need a favor. Sapphire Shores has insulted my fashion sense, and something needs to die.}
 
{HAH! Damn you look tense now. So tense, I almost don't want to tell you what I did to your paperwork... nah, I'll leave it as a surprise. Feel free to punish me afterwords, whip's on the table by the door!}
 
{Applebutt, can you tell the guard that it's not molesting when I do my plot thing. I mean, I think it technically IS, but they're saying it wrong.}
 
{SHINY! I made a snowman outta marchmalleys and now I'm conflicted cause Ah' don't know if I should eat him! IT'S THE WORST!}
 
>...
 
"..."
 
>... I don't see it.
 
"Yeah, it's probably all in mah' head."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
Well digging through some of my stuff I found the beginning of my own version of the Spike and DT fight. For the hell of it, I'm going to post what I had.
~~~
Spike and Diamond Tiara stood at opposite ends of a simple coliseum within Twilight’s Simulator. With the device being loaned for this tournament to ensure no lasting harm done to the Gun Club, the two combatants were allowed to take off their gloves and prepare their best weapons. Or at least simulations of them.
 
Between the two, Twilight Sparkle herself stood, winding down from her recitation of the rules. “And there will be no gouging of the eyes-”
 
“Twilight!” Spike interrupted, catching Twilight’s attention and breaking her speech. “That original draft of the rules was mostly for safety reasons, we’re in the simulator so we don’t need to worry about that stuff, right?”
 
Twilight blinked, looked between Diamond Tiara and Spike, down at her list, and burned it with a shrug. “Fair point, then I guess…” Twilight summoned a control panel for the simulator in the air and put in a few new codes, all of which seemed to put her in a black and white shirt and make a microphone drop down. “Ladies and gentlemen! LEEET’S GET READY TO RUUUUUUUMBLE!!!”
 
In a flash of light, Twilight disappeared and manifested next to Forty Two, Seventy Seven, Potato Jack, in a special box seats above countless other friends who had shown up to watch the fight sitting in the bleachers.
 
“Quite a crowd’s gathered, huh?” Seventy Seven noted as he counted the Crystal Empire’s Imperial and seemingly all of Canterlot’s noteworthy watching.
 
“I don’t like it, personally. I think it gives the public way too much knowledge about our skillsets.” Forty Two huffed.
 
“To be fair, Spike’s skills are something ponies can’t easily replicate by virtue of being a dragon and having actual hands. Diamond Tiara is also using weaponry she’s practically built herself or are highly experimental and largely unknown to the public. Besides, as a team, we’ll need to develop new skills to more effectively work together.”
 
Twilight then sushed the three changelings. “I’m sorry, but I need to start the match.”
 
“Hmhmph.” Potatojack apologized once she replaced the ubiquitous tuber in her mouth.
 
Twilight then summoned her ceiling mic once more and shouted. “Ladies and Gentlemen: let the match begin!”
 
In the arena below, Diamond Tiara immediately whipped out her rocket launcher and unleashed a swarm of missiles on Spike who stood stoic and steely until the explosives closed in. In a lightning fast and fluid motion, Spike had unholstered Charity and loosed six explosive rounds. As each HE slug collided with one missile, the resulting blast took out two others, reducing a swarm of thirty six rockets to none.
 
Diamond Tiara wouldn’t give up, she loaded up another pod of rockets and began to fire into the haze with wild abandon. She didn’t need accuracy, only a good blast radius and sheer number.
 
“Dammit, I can’t see anything going on!” Chrysalis grumbled, partially perched on top of Shining Armor’s head with her rear in his face.
 
“Welcome to my world…” Shining muttered, muffled into Chrysalis’ ass.
 
Two, for her part, tugged Cadence’s foreleg. “Caddy, is Spike gonna be okay? Those explosions look really cool and really dangerous.”
 
“He’ll be fine, Twilight said herself this is all just a simulation that’s mostly in our heads.” After a few moments Cadence, remembering some of Twilight’s tendencies appended with “I hope.”
 
“This is outrageous! Why are we forced to sit in the bleaches and not in the box?”
 
“Why can I not watch the match instead of having bug butt in my face?”
 
“Because my butt is way more interesting than a fight.”
 
“Then stick your head into your own ass!”
 
“You know what? I think I will!”
 
Chrysalis then did just that, both to Shining Armor and Cadence’s relief and amazement.
 
“Hey! There’s a quarter in here!”
(3/3)
~~~
There you have it, an old version of something from off the cutting room floor. hope you enjoyed.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>42
"Twi"
-2-
~~~
>...
 
"Sooo? What'cha think?"
 
>What.... Why is it even pinker? And frillier? I look like two forgot to brush her wig for a few months like this! And had a growth spurt.
 
"Rarity designed it, isn't it wonderful? This allows you to channel your excess love energy into a variety of weapon systems and highly advanced 'hotkeyed' spells that would normally take years to master!"
 
>Ummm, interesting. So what are some of these spells?
 
"Mostly protective stuff, sealing away evil, cleansing excess evil from people's souls to bring them back to their senses, that sort of thing. And, guess what! The whole harness stores into the pink, crystal heart locket!
 
>Really? Whoa! Well that's need, but how would I get it out?
 
"Just say the key phrase! It's not set yet, but try something like, I dunno, 'In the name of the hive! I'll punish you!'"
 
>'In the name of the Hive i'll punish you?'
 
Password accepted!
 
>What? No-
 
42 is lifted and suspended in the air, spinning in dazzling lights as ribbons of energy shoot out from the locket and form the love harness, inexplicably leaving her in a pose
 
"It's beautiful!"
 
>... I'm sorry. No, princess, i draw the line here.
 
42 quickly yanks the whole thing off and tosses it out the window
 
"NOOOOOOOOOOOh well. That was just a heavy remodeling of one of the early prototypes combined with a few ideas i had gotten from PJ and Spike's weapons of choice. Come back in a week and I should have something real.
 
"Thanks, sorry about being a bitch."
 
>It's fine, I know Rarity's style doesn't always work for everyone, I mostly just learned to trust her when I learned the hard way my own sense of style was awful.
 
a bit later...
 
In the shadows of Twilight's lab tower
 
-Ohhhhh!... Pretty- Wooooow!-
 
One transformation sequence later...
 
-EEEEEEEEEEEE!-
 
NON CANON
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>32
"Pommel"
'Twilight'
 
SMASH!
 
The fist of the cave troll slammed down onto the earth, crushing beneath it the body of one Private Pommel. Bone is shattered, organs squashed, his life is extinguishes in an instant.
 
>Again.
 
'Restarting the simulation.'
 
"I am the best in the world at what I do."
 
Private Brass Pommel of their Majesties' Royal Guard stands alone in an earthen cave, deep within the confines of a mountain. He stares across the cavern into the dull eyes of the hulking beast known as a cave troll. It roars from some unknown agitation, and charges.
 
Pommel has figured out the charge. He figured it out the fifth time it killed him.
 
With the quickness of a cat, he rolls to the side, leaving his tremendous foe to slam into the cavern wall. Stalactites shower down from the ceiling, they embed themselves in the troll's back, and threaten to skewer Pommel.
 
Pommel has figured out those as well, thanks to the seventh time he died.
 
The cave troll turns, roaring and discharging spittle from its filth encrusted maw. It advances with more purpose, eyes narrowed. It lifts its massive fists to crush Pommel.
 
But these are merely the first fists, Pommel has figured them out, death nine was his ultimate teacher.
 
Pommel leaps back and out of the way. He uses his magic to lift a rib bone from a nearby skeleton of one of the troll's previous victims and hurl it at the hand now shaking in frustration and pain on the dirt floor of the cavern. The troll attempts to swing a clubbing blow at him, but he had not even died once to this tactic, and dodged it with ease.
 
"Now, to the left!"
 
Pommel rolls, just in time to avoid the fist that has brought on death thirteen. Then...
 
Then the troll grabs him by the tail and pops him into its mouth. Within moments he is chewed to a pulp and devoured, plopping into the troll's stomach, ready for digestion.
 
>Again.
 
'Restarting the simulation.'
 
"I am the best in the world at what I do."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Cheerilee
"Zecora"
~~~~
 
>Oh, hello Zecora! Are you here for another vat of demon's blood? I can whip it up in a sec, just let me turn on the sprinklers real quick.
 
"I can assure you my collection visits are not the reason, I have no need for that till the next season. No, it is for another that I am here, I am in need of your expertise as a seer."
 
>Hm? I'm not very good at seeing the future or the like.
 
"Not clairvoyance, I am fine enough at that, I need your expertise in speaking to those who have gone splat. The dead are hounding one in this town, and with every passing day I fear his sanity is pulled down."
 
>Oh no! Did one of my demons escape again? Ooooo, that little pest is going to be so sorry when I get them back! Timeout corner for the next five thousand years, at least!
 
"I wish it were that simple, I truly do, but unfortunately it is a bit more complicated than a rebellious coup. The specters that haunt him did escape from this place, but they are not demons, they have a more innocent face."
 
>...OOOOOH, so THAT'S where the souls of the spite filled and hateful orphans went! Wooo! You do not know how relieved I am! I mean, I was really worried. Was sure they had finally risen up and decided to start the plot to eviscerate all the happy parents of this world. They've been planning that for years now.
 
"Well, for now they are in fact contained, even though their poor host is finding himself a bit strained."
 
>HAH! Poor bastard.
 
"...This is not the help I thought you would supply, I was hoping you could assist me with a solution they would abide by."
 
>WOW! You came to the wrong mare. Seriously? I can barely deal with the ones I have NOW, and I certainly can't make them go away. He'll just have to deal with it on his own. Hooves crossed for the poor fellow! Still, suppose it's better than me having to deal with them. Those poor sad eyes were terrible to see every morning. Well, sorry I couldn't help, but I have to get going. Toodles!
 
"...Shit.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>42
"Twi"
'Chrysalis'
[SA]
-PP-
(2)
~~~
"Alrighty, check in progress! Subject's vitals are normal-"
 
>I think I actually have to use the toilet.
 
"... Noting mild bowel movement and bladder contractions... Systems: nominal. 42, the The Mk 4 Love Harness is ready to go when you are!"
 
>Alright... Let's do this!
 
The moment 42 released the stored, excess love within the harness, her whole body lit up in green flames that seeped from the gaps in her exoskeleton and the sheer force of the power now filling her left a crater in the immediate earth around 42
 
Slowly, she levitated into the air, a laugh beginning to make its way from her throat, her voice now resonating everywhere at once
 
[... 42? Y-You okay there?]
 
>NEVER BETTER, SHINING ARMOR. LITERALLY, I HAVE NEVER FELT SO GOOD! SO STRONG! I FEEL LIKE THE QUEEN BITCH OF THE UNIVERSE!
 
'That's mah girl. You do your hive proud, 42!'
 
Chrysalis said with a wry smirk and seeped a beer
 
'And by the way, you'd be Queen Bitch of the Universe The Third! Still trying to find the first one's corpse and eat it to bump us both up a number though!'
 
"Alright, so no discomfort, or any unusual sensations?"
 
>NO. HURRY! SEND OUT THE FIRST TEST! I'M FEELING INCREASINGLY LIKE A CLICHE, SATURDAY MORNING CARTOON VILLAIN. THE VOICE THING DOESN'T HELP AT ALL!
 
"Alright! First test is go!"
 
The din of loud thudding could be heard in the distance, followed shortly with the reveal of some infernal hydra from the depths of Tartarus
 
>... WELL, DON'T SEE THAT EVERY-
 
and 42 was quickly engulfed by one of the multitudes of visceral heads
 
And before Shining Armor could even scream, the hellish hydra threw up all over the spectators in the stands, him especially, and blew in an explosion of green, burning chunks
 
'So... what are the points for making something else vomit on you?'
 
[Surprisingly, only thirty.]
 
>WELL THAT WAS JUST PATHETIC.
 
"Hang on, got another one! Come on out!"
 
At first, nothing
 
>WELL-
 
-DYNAMIC ENTRY!!!-
 
Seemingly from nowhere, Pinkie Pie drop kicked 42 with everything she had
 
Not even shaking the empowered changeling who just gave Pinkie a quirked eyebrow
 
>REALLY?
 
Pinkie Pie quickly recovered and began dancing on her hindlegs and quickly went into a flurry or powerful, unrelenting strikes that would have reduced less into a pink mist
 
-ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATTATATATAATA! ATAH!!!! You're already dead!-
 
>...
 
-... which means I can't really kill you to begin with. I mean that would make no-!-
 
42 simply muzzles Pinkie, and with as much restraint as she can muster, drops Pinkie into a seat into the stands
 
-AH! Running away, huh?-
 
And then sent a fist made of green flames to clock her out
 
>HAVE ANY REAL CHALLENGE FOR ME?
 
"One... more..."
 
another rubble in the distance, already making 42 yawn
 
Until she was struck by a bolt of empowered lightning that knocked her out of the air and onto the ground
 
+COMMUNIST, CHANGELING SCUM DETECTED! TERMINATING!+
 
And stepped into the arena was Harmony Prime itself, making 42 pull herself up and laugh
 
>WELL, THIS MIGH-
 
CLANG!
 
A cartoonishly large bomb knocked her back to the ground and buried her when it detonated
 
+LIFE SIGNS STILL DETECTED! CORRECTING!+
 
With pinpoint accuracy, into the haze Harmony Prime continued to fire tesla bolts at 42 who attempted to create a protective barrier, only to instead reshape the flames around her into an armor which shielded her just as well
 
>ALRIGHT! NO MORE PLAYING!
 
Charging forward at a blinding speed, Harmony Prime was soon beheaded, but far from down
 
+AUXILIARY WEAPON SYSTEMS ENGAGING!+
 
Out from its massive fists, two pairs of gatling guns to each hand began to spray 42's direction with lead
 
And focusing everything to the tip of her horn, an enormous blaze of green fire poured forward as a beam, finally pushing Harmony Prime back until finally, it fell
 
+I DIE... SO HARMONY MAY LIVE...+
 
"Impressive."
 
>HAH! AND I STILL DIDN'T EVEN BREAK A sweat-...
 
The flames suddenly vanished around 42, her throat clenched, and down to the ground she went
 
"Shit, she's out of love and on burn out!"
 
And was shortly tackled by her many friends and loved ones, desperate to give her the love she needed
 
(Hold on, 42! I'm hugging with all I gots!)
 
"Guys... that's sweet but..."
 
Twilight moved most of the dogpile aside, 2 exempt and turned off the harness' primary draw then hit the 'reserves' switch, causing 42 suddenly pull herself up in a sharp gasp
 
>Holy! .... Wow... What a rush! ... 2, you can stop squeezing me.
 
(No!)
 
>... Thanks, kid. And to everyone. So how'd I do?
 
"That whole thing? One minute and twenty eight seconds."
 
'Wimp! I lasted nearly an hour!'
 
"I said before, if it had been her in your place, she'd be dead."
 
>So same advice then? I can't burn through all this power at once.
 
"Especially when you were being surprisingly wasteful just levitating, being on fire, the voice thing."
 
>S-Sorry...
 
"no need to apologize, also my fault, the harness isn't very good for more precise flow control right now. Give it back to me and i'll make some final adjustments. Then, you should be ready."
 
>Thanks, princess. Hey, 2? Can you let go? I need to take this thing off.
 
(Nu-uh!)
 
ding!
 
"Hmmm, might also need to increase the reserves it can hold. Only thirty seconds and 2 alone has filled it to maximum capacity."
 
NON CANON
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