>Piss drunk on your back porch in the suburbs.
>No fence on your property because fuck my three neighbors and their scenery-obscuring fences.
>Cleaning my gun because fuck boredom.
>Already drunk by 2 pm because Fuck unemployment.
>Ball of neon blue fuzz comes around the side of your house and waddles into your back yard.
>"See? Fown' gwassies an' safe pwace! Nuu munstahs! Has foodies!"
>It's a fucking fluffy pony.
>Reddish-brown, what's that called? Fuck colors more complicated than those you learned in elementary school, you're drunk.
>Red/brown fluffy pony waddles into your yard, it's slow and three times as fat as anything that size has any right to be.
>"Smawtie fwiend good fwiend. Good pwace fow bebbehs! Bebbehs come soon!"
>And it's fucking pregnant. Last pregnant thing you had to deal with is still leaching money from your hard-earned unemployment insurance check.
>FUCK THIS.
>Slam down empty beer bottle on your plastic lawn-chair's armrest. The sudden noise scares the fluffy ponies, who gasp and turn their bulbous eyes at you in terror.
>"YOU LITTLE SHITS, I'LL TEACH YA TO TRESSPASS!"
>Eye-hurting blue pony puffs up his cheeks.
>"Go 'way munstah! This pwace fwuffie's nao!"
>Before the little piece of crap can finish giving his speech, you've grabbed him by the scruff of his fluff. He cries like a bitch.
>The other one actually doesn't shit, it just pivots and tries to run, but it's so pregnant that the damn thing can't really do much besides flail.
>"Nuu! Nuu gif fwuffy owies! Be mummy soon! Fwuffy need hewp!"
>Scoop it up too.
>Strut over to the fence of FUCKING neighbor # 2.
>The Jew with the big Rottweiler that growls and jumps against the fence if you come within 3' of it?
>Well today the Jew-dog is gonna be entertaining you!
>Chuck Pony 1 over. it doesn't have any special powers or nothing, you just hear it land with an "Owie"
>Chuck the pregnant pony over. it must of been a flyer, because it flitters it's tiny wings uselessly as it falls and lands with a similar "Owie!"
>Hear the beast growl and go straight into a flurry of barks.
>DIS GUN BE GUD.gif
>Dog charges out of it's hutch / kennel / thing that looks more expensive than your last pickup truck
>Saliva and teeth and barking from the dog, screaming and shitting and pissing from the ponies.
>You run back to get your beer and hope you don't miss the show.
 
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>Be retired Isreali soldier from Unit Oketz.
>Tired of war. Tired of shelling. Tired of Palestinians.
>Have family and partner I love dearly.
>Move family to a suburb in the United States.
>Couldn't leave partner, Deena behind.
>Deena is extremely heavily trained special forces canine soldier.
>Her purpose: keep people from entering secured facilities.
>Even now, she considers this backyard as her secured facility.
>My wife cannot go into my backyard unless I am there.
>Our children are not allowed in our backyard unless I am there.
>The neighbors know not to come into our backyard unless I am there.
>Except for that asshole behind me with no job. Fuck him.
 
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>The barking has stopped.
>Get to fence in time to see the Rotweiler sniffing the fluffy ponies.
>"Nuuu! Nuu gif fwuffy owies munstah! Go 'way!"
>It licks one of them.
>"Wha- Munstah fwiend? Nuu is munsta'! Yu fwiendwy!"
>"Munstah kissy owies, make bettah!"
>"Nuu munstah! Is new mummy!"
>The rottweiler appears to be smiling in a confused-doggy kind of way.
>WHAT THE FUCK?
 
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>Be Deena.
>Protect. My place. My protection.
>Enemy at wall! Enemy at wall!
>Rush for enemy!
>Wait, not enemy.
>Too small. Not smell like gun. Not smell like bomb. Not smell like person.
>Smell like food?
>But is not time to eat.
>Commander is not feeding me.
>I do not eat.
>Seem harmless enough.
>Like small rodent.
>Rodent are fine. Do not attack rodent. If I attack rodent, Bomb or gun or Person could get past wall.
>Still... little taste?
 
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>Dog was all bark and no bite?
>FUCK THAT!
>You'll stomp the fucking fluffies to death if the dog won't do shit!
>Vault the fence.
 
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ENEMY AT WALL!!!!