ANON THE DIPLOMAT
 
>You're really not even entirely sure why
>Why she seems to do everything in her power to fuck with you
>and you don't even mean that in the fun, moan-y kinda way
> you mean it entirely in the trollesque fashion she seems to be the embodiment of
>being the ambassador, and the only one of your kind in all of Equestria had its perks.
>no chores, no cleaning up after yourself, and despite your love of it, no cooking
>not to mention your celebrity status, being the only freakin' one of your kind in the entire world
>not being able to cook was probably the only downside of waking up in this technicolour dreamland of talking miniature horses
>god damn you couldn't have been more wrong even if you tried
>you counted, actually
>not even ten seconds before the most gut wrenching feeling of your entire life hit you like a brick wall
>as cool as the concept was, teleporting in actuality was fucking awful
>after a hearty gag and a good wheeze, you managed to haul yourself up
>in front of you, sitting in a golden throne, was a very large, white horse
>it was all you could do to stand there, and manage out a single word
>"What."
> you promptly passed right the fuck out.
 
> You are anon
> and you are lying on a massive bed, surrounded by pillows, and are aggressively relaxing, if that's even possible
> you feel such an intense relaxation that you simply cannot believe that such a feeling could occur naturally
> you were wrong, actually
> well, sort of
> this immense relaxation was the result of sleeping for almost 3 days straight
> humans were just not meant for teleportation, it would seem.
> as you laze your way out of your slumber, you feel a great warmth upon you
> or as your now woken mind realizes, beside you
> a white horse, quite like the one you remember seeing before waking up in this bed, is apparently sleeping beside you.
> as this notion hits you, you immediately scramble the fuck out of bed and back the fuck away like this pony has the plague.
> you loudly exclaim "What the fuck", and this has two reactions
> the first: the white horse that was occupying the bed gently rose, blinking the sleep from her eyes
> and second, the sound of a million tap dancers hauling ass towards you at a very alarming rate
> as you prepare yourself for the worst, a colossal crash breaks your concentration, but also seems to arrest the culprit behind the not very Astaire like performance.
> your brain seems to be keeping up with what's happening a lot better than you are, as your body seemingly flings itself towards the bed
> you hardly notice the golden aura around you
> as you land, a soft pomf =3 escapes the bed, and the horse gazes at you in a fashion that creeps you out a lot more than it should.
> almost as if it's trying to ask you a question
> in this same time frame, the door to your room explodes open, and at least a dozen guard ponies burst into your room, ready to fight tooth and nail, and perhaps even die for their monarch.
> one of the guards catches your eye
> her piercing gaze immediately falls on you, but she doesn't seem to acknowledge your existence as a creature.
 
> powerful eyes, the likes of which you'd expect from a warlord, gaze over you
> absolutely no expression on her face leaves you bewildered as to her intentions, but before you can do anything, she calls the attention of the company of guards, and orders them back to their stations, before doing the same.
> your brain finally catches up to what's occurred, and attempts to make some conclusions
> horse land: check
> guards? You must be in palace of some sort
> much-larger-than-other-ponies-horse sleeping in the bed, having been seen sitting in a throne? How more fucked could you possibly be?
> VERY. But that's for later tonight.
>the white horse in your bed rises, and smiles at you as innocently as she possibly can
> you can tell she's had practice doing this before
> as the day continues, this white horse finally introduces herself. Princess Celestia, of Equestria, Herald of the Sun and Master Ruse Mare, if she does say so herself
> she explains that you'd been asleep for three days, and also congratulates you becoming the ambassador of your kind.
>she tells you all the perks, but mysteriously leaves out any information of what you're actually supposed to do.
>you adapt surprisingly well, and don't really have any qualms, aside of course, from your lack of being allowed to cook.
> for what reason, you have no idea.
> for the moment though, you only have one question on your mind.
> who the fuck was the guard with those damn eyes?
> you can't help but wonder
> Celestia tells you of a legendary clan of pony warriors, sworn to protect the crown of Equestria.
> born with a piercing gaze, said to see so deep inside of ponies, they could read their minds
> you stare bewildered at the sun horse, who manages to hold her composure for a full thirty seconds before cracking at the ridiculousness of her story, guffawing loudly at your apparent belief of her tomfoolery.
 
> after a hearty laugh at your expense, she goes on to explain that the pony your describing is the captain of the PPPP, the Pony Princess Protection Patrol.
> her name is Dawn Gaze, and because apparently the inherent craziness of this world has infected you, you've decided that you're gonna fuck that pony
>I mean, you are anon after all. Your sexdrive is nearly as insatiable as your desire for green text with an arrow before it.
> the day wears on and you've not really done anything productive whatsoever.
> you've walked around this huge ass castle a few times, and can now find your bedroom, the kitchen, and the throne room with relative ease.
> after a final walk of your new abode, you return to your room, thankfully now sun horseless, though with the door open, and no guards at your door like Celestia said, you know something is a foot. Or a hoof. Whatever.
> as quietly as you can, you creep into your room, but fail pretty miserably, making an audible bang on the door as you try to ease it open
> whoever was in your room most certainly heard, and reacts accordingly
> you rush into the room, but only catch a glimpse of a pony hopping out your window.
> your feet carry you as quickly as they can toward your windows, but a pony is a lot faster than a human, and whoever it was is long gone.
> you muse to yourself that it was probably sunbutt
> regardless, you decide to take a bath, which while nice, is seriously inferior to a shower.
> you remind yourself to tell Celestia to get that shit installed in your bathroom a fuckin' sap.
> though you're not even sure if she'll be able too.
> you begin to run the water for your bath, and undress, neatly folding your clothing and placing them outside the bathroom.
> you ease into the bath, and try to just come to terms with all that's happened.
> wow you really aren't bothered by this as much as you should be.
 
>You manage to last about forty five minutes before calamity strikes
> a loud clatter echoes through to your bathroom, and it becomes evident that a guard pony has entered your room.
> as quickly as you can, after a good sigh, you exit your bath and without drying at all, you enter your room and damn is there ever a sight to behold.
> for starters, where your clothes used to be now resides an armor set, and upon your bed, lays a pone, covered in your clothes, with your boxers planted on her head, obviously.
> your clear your throat loudly, and ask in as calm a tone as you can muster: Why are my underwear on your head?
>the pony scuffles under your clothing, apparently surprised at your being there, and attempts to escape as quickly as possible.
> she makes a valiant effort, but ends up running into a wall, knocking herself out in the process.
> you shake your head at the pony, walk towards her, and pick her up and place her on your bed.
> you remove the boxers from her head, and you are greeted with a very pretty pony
> her crimson hair is long, and parted to her right with a streak of gold
> her fur is light gray
> you sigh again and begin to remove your tangled mess of clothing from her body
> you now realize that she's completely naked
> and you only now realize how bad this looks.
>and isn't it just your luck for her eyes to crack open, your head no more than a foot and a half from hers.
> and there they are, those fucking eyes.
> you can do nothing as they stare into your very soul
> the pony holds your gaze before examining you
> you watch her eyes move, and then stop, and then stare
> they grow wide, and as you follow her gaze, you realize her eyes are firmly planted on your junk.
> oh, that's right, you never did get dressed did you.
> haha, oh well, guess you're fucked now.
> you quickly back away from the pony, covering your junk in the process
> the pony merely lays there, transfixed on your dick
>...
> "so, uh, what are you doing"
 
>as her mind returns to reality, the blush on her face grows so strongly that she turns red through her gray fur
>as the leader of the PPPP, she regains her composure best she can, and explains that she was merely searching the vicinity for threats, and that she's been positioned as your personal royal guard
>you silently thank your lucky stars, and then return to the moment at hand
>"so why were my boxers on your head?"
>her face falters ever so slightly, but quickly returns to her usual neutral face
>"I was researching you, anon."
>you don't buy it for even a second
>"My observation is complete, I'll be returning to my post, outside your door, now."
>the conversation has relaxed you, and without actually realizing it, you find yourself sitting on the edge of your bed
>you don't remember walking towards your bed, or even sitting on it, what you do remember is staring into those fucking eyes.
>apparently they can erase your memory
>as you find yourself sitting on your bed, dawn gets up, and trots toward her armor, and as she casts a spell to levitate and put her armor on, time loses all meaning.
>anon
>I'm gonna be straight with you.
>the sheer amount of blood that just rushed from your brain to your dick would probably have killed a lesser man
>her ass anon. As far as your concerned, the rest of reality had ceased to exist.
>you are an assman. No way around it.
>and this pony has a perfect heart
>now it's your turn to stare
>as she puts on her armor, seemingly oblivious to the show being put on, she bends forward, giving you an even better view
>only a tiny shred of your humanity is left, preventing you from ravaging her until her plot is a pounded, bruised mess.
>that is, until she turns her head, and notices first your eyes, fucking her with the passion of a thousand men lost at sea, returning home to their beloved, and second, your throbbing, veiny erection, standing at full mast and then some.
>once she started swaying, it was all over for you.
 
>it's as if something possessed you
>you can't help but gravitate towards that perfectly round, fuckable plot
>she doesn't stop swaying her hips as you approach, enticing you further
>you can smell her lust from here, and you wouldn't be mistaken in assuming that there was a small puddle forming between her hind legs
>as you continue towards her, she lifts her tail, presenting herself fully to you. She widens her stance, revealing her tight, virgin ponut, trapped, in the middle of her glorious plot
>as if trying to make you pop your rocket before even starting the race, her horn glows a shimmering silver, and her flanks begin to jiggle enticingly, crying for you to pound her round
>If you were coherent, now would be the time where you'd wonder how exactly she knew you wanted to fuck her ass so badly.
>and if she were coherent, she'd be hoping beyond hope that you got the fucking message
>honestly it was just luck of the draw
>you finally make it to her, and place your pony plot pleaser between her flanks.
>both of you savoring the feeling, you begin to hotdog, grinding against her trembling ponut, eliciting sweet moans from her, vocal tides begging with sound for you to fuck her ass like you've never fucked any ass before
>you finally disembark from between her delicious cheeks, and ready yourself to enter the next great phase of your life
>just as you're finally about to penetrate her, you suddenly feel the horrible guttural sense, and know that your dreams are about to be crushed.
>it's all you can do to say "god fucking dammit celest-" before you're teleported away, cock blocked by the Master Ruse Mare herself.
 
>>the first thing you feel is your boner twitch
>you are anon
>and holy fuck balls do you ever hate being teleported
>you manage to actually not pass out this time
>you'd be proud of yourself, if it weren't for the immense amount of pain you were in
>humans really were just not meant for teleportation.
>you notice you're in the throne room, in front of Celestia, again
>seriously, deja vu, huh?
>though, there are two minor differences
>the first: clothing, or rather, your lack their of
>the second: of course, your boner.
>there's a beautiful silence for what seems like an eternity,
>and then the blue horse to Celestia's side screams
>in the blink of an eye, she's gone, teleported away to god knows where
>you don't recall seeing her before, but then again, you passed out almost immediately the last time you were teleported here
>despite your nudity, a question comes to mind, and without even really thinking about it, you kinda just blurt it out
>"Hey, wait, why aren't I passing out this time?"
>Celestia makes a face, pondering, searching the recesses of her mind, and snaps back to reality a moment later
>"My Little Human, perhaps it was not my teleportation spell that made you pass out, the last time?"
>As you think about what she said, you only now truly realize your nudity, and while Celestia has not moved her gaze from your face, her two guardmares certainly have.
>What is it with ponies and your dick?
>You cover your junk, making a slight frown at the guards, and then finally, the elephant in the room of a question is asked
>"So, why, exactly did you teleport me to throne room? I could have just walked"
>"I wanted you to meet my sister, Princess Luna, but it seems you were...busy.
>A chuckle from her white muzzle slowly morphs into an uproarious laugh, followed by a crash, as the white horse falls from her throne.
>A nose pinch, a sigh, and a slight giggle later, you leave, returning to your room
>It's only now you realize how blue your balls are
 
>you rush back to your room as quickly as your legs can carry you
>your lust for horse ass, her, horse ass, is unimaginable
>the burning in your loins is only matched by the ache of your testicles
>you will fuck that pony
>some sprinting later, you make it to your room, only to find...
>that Dawn is no longer there
>you curse the white sun horse
>why?
>why would she do this to you?
>you mentally note that you're gonna need to get her back, big time for this.
>but for now, you realize just how fucking tired you are
>and that you've been here for not a day, at least, a day awake, and you were totally willing, and still are willing, to fuck horse ass.
>you quietly wonder what the hell is wrong with you, before walking towards your pile of clothing
>only to find that your underwear are missing
>you shake your head and smile, walking towards your bed
>holy shit you forgot just how fucking comfortable this thing is
>before your next thought could even be formed, you were out like a god damn light
>I guess that's the key to a great night's sleep
>being planeshifted to a magical fucking technicolour pony land and almost having buttsex with a local, while simultaneously becoming the diplomat of...yourself? seeing as you're the only human, oh, I don't know, in the entire god damn universe.
 
>you rise
>you are anon
>and your small self rises as well
>upon noticing this, you remember the events of last night, and the last few days you were awake
>being teleported into this castle
>being made a diplomat
>and Dawn
>your boner twitches, and your brain decides this is the thought it's going to keep thinking about
>sweet baby jesus
>you almost fucked a horse, god damn
>but, you argue with yourself
>DAT ASS
>and upon that thought, you open your eyes, and see that you're still in the same room as you were when you fell asleep
>you realize that this all wasn't just a dream
>and while part of you is stuck with yourself, confused as to your situation
>another part of you is rejoicing
>you can't quite place your finger on it
>maybe it's a multitude of things
>maybe it's just some random effect of living in horse land
>but you feel great
>the feeling disappears immediately, as one blaring, urgent force silences all other stimuli, and all thought in your mind
>FOOD.