>When you first got here, things were nice.
>Odd, and alien, but nice all the same.
>All the ponies were very congenial and kind, if a little frightened of you.
>You thought that maybe life here wouldn’t be so bad.
>That was until your first scuffle with some creature from the Everfree.
>That’s when things took a turn south.
>Twilight wrote a letter to Princess Celestia about your fight while getting fire wood.
>Since you didn’t have a ‘cutie mark’ selling fire wood was the only way to make any money.
>But life was good.
 
>You met with Celestia.
>She seems nice, but a little too nice to run a nation. More suited for a classroom maybe.
>She offered you a job mapping out all the uncharted areas of Equestria.
>Offered is the wrong word, it was politely forced on you, seeing as you were the only
>one deemed capable to handle the long periods of stress and loneliness.
>It was months on end outside with not a soul about, but the quiet was welcome.
>You wish you got more time to see your friends.
>But life was bearable.
 
>The second year of mapping was difficult, as you were sent further and further out.
>All your old buddies in Ponyville have been contacting you less and less.
>You’re fine with this; you’re rather hard to get a hold of after all.
>You’ll see them when you get some time off, maybe Pinkie will have something planned.
>But life was no longer an enjoyable experience.
 
>Finally you were cast north, to map the great expanse of arctic tundra.
>You spend the next year north of the crystal empire. Every few weeks, you
>back track to a dead drop point to place the map and receive your rations.
>It was a system you developed, in the name of efficiency.
>But life was no longer worth living.
 
>None of this mattered; you had spent the last two years mapping the northern tundra.
>You finished two months ago, and started heading back immediately once the map was
>finished. Only now were you reaching the edges of the Crystal Empire.
>There’s the odd scattered guard tower, but they know you… Well, they know about you.
>It would be difficult to say anyone knew you anymore, a year alone with minimal contact
>can change a man. You only held on to sanity by your short and sporadic talks with the
>Pegasus drop teams, those randomly selected three that gave you food and supplies.
>You never got to form a relation with any of them; the guard orders were changed up
>Bi-weekly. You should only be a couple miles from the Empires limits, it should get warm soon.
 
>You set down your towing external frame back pack as you begin to strip off your layers.
>With great care you set your Hawken rifle down, it wasn’t a true Hawken rifle, but the
>Canterlot craftsmen got pretty close. Now that your down to just a light shirt and pants.
>You set out for the last mile into town. It’s fairly uneventful, ponies aren’t terribly
>xenophobic, just jumpy is all. By the time you make it into town it’s already gone 8, ponies
>are passing you by left and right around your waist, going home, performing their daily
>rites and rituals. You never carried many bits, on account of the weight they incurred,
>but you did have enough for a cheap pack of smokes.
 
>”Uhhh… I can’t let you in without some sort of clearance.”
>Without saying a word you reach into your pack and withdraw the badge Celestia gave you
>all those years ago when you first started this undertaking. You hold it out to the guards,
>They promptly let you in. It’s gone nine by this point, and the palace is dead quiet.
>You begin your trek downstairs, much like the rest of the last two years, there’s not a soul
>to be seen as you open the door to your temporary basement office. You open the door,
>The magic powered lights come on by themselves. There’s a lone thought that rattles in
>the back of your head, without thinking you say it to yourself.
“I never thought I would miss the hum of a fluorescent…”
>You set the pack down by the door, set the rifle on the hat rack, take off your boots and
>accompanying foot wraps. There’s a small shower and toilet in the back. You make up
>for lost time with both. Finally you sit down on the desk, pull out the pack you bought
>earlier and light one up. You find an ashtray in the desk drawer. It’s your first cigarette in
>just over a year, you can feel the warm smoke moving into your lungs. The toxins and
>carcinogens work their way into your blood stream, and finally the slightly bitter after taste
>on the exhale.
 
>You sit like this for a few more minutes as you smoke calmly, soon you light a second.
>You get up to get your canteen, sit back down. Once the second cigarette is done, you
>realize something. You just spent a couple of years alone, endlessly mapping out the land
>for all these ponies, and not a single one has given you a welcome back. Not one warm
>nod, not one smile, not one wave, not one streamer, not even a nice gift in your office.
>The realization doesn’t come fast, or even dampen your spirits that much. You stand
>Remove the Hawken rifle from the hat rack, cock the hammer back, you always left it primed.
 
>It may be late, and you know he’s been working very hard, but he’s finally back!
>One of the guards at the front woke you up to tell you, as per your request.
>At first you were just down to spend a weekend with Cadence, your sister in law.
>However news came that Anon might be back during your visit! You’re were so excited!
>That job Celestia gave him kept him away for a very long time. You wish you could have
>written more, but thepegasi who took out his supplies already had carefully calculated
>the weight, and all your combined letters weighed too much.
>It’s a shame that the girls were taking tomorrows train to see him
 
>Well, might as well have another cigarette, not like it matters really.
>Because you are a disposable person, and your single use has been used.
>The only thing keeping you tied to this life was your job really, after your friends stopped
>writing you. You sit down and place the barrel under your chin, there’s no sadness or
>trepidation, just resignation. You think you made this choice maybe about four months
>ago. Left hand holds the barrel to your head, as the right holds your cigarette. The room
>has filled with a hazy smoke, the last bit of your cigarette burns your throat. With you put
>the butt in the ashtray and move your thumb to the trigger.
*Taptaptaptaptap!*
>The noise catches you off guard and you flinch, moving your head off the barrel, and
>pulling the trigger.
*BUH-CRACK!*
>Gah, fuck. Your ears are ringing and your face has burns running up the side of it.
 
>”Anon!”
>There’s the familiar high-pitched whine of unicorn cast magic, as the door is removed from
>it’s hinges. It sails through the smoke filled room, it passes you head close enough that you
>can feel it. The small purple princess comes running in, calling your name again.
>You’ve fired without ear protection before, but with the muzzle right next to your head,
>things are in a slight haze. You finally pull your hands off your face, and look up to find
>a kind and worried purple horned face. Without saying a word you grab her for hug.
>There’s no sadness, just relief, that at least one pony came to see you.
 
>You have been avoiding the subject of suicide; it’s getting harder and harder
>to avoid. She finally changes subject while she’s putting the burn ointment on your
>wounds. You know that she’ll bring it up later.
>”So the girls are coming down on tomorrows train.”
“Oh? What time?”
>”They should be here at 11, that is if the train doesn’t run late again.”
“Alright, you guys got anything planned?”
>”I think Pinkie wanted to plan something out for you, needless to say that
>Isn’t happening.”
“Yeah I guess I do walk pretty quickly.”
>”Quickly? You made it back from the edge on of the continent in just two months, if an-
*tap tap tap.*
“It’s open.”
>A crystal guard pony opens the door and magics a letter to you. It’s got a red wax seal.
>”Urgent letter from Princess Celestia sir.”
>You take the letter and the guard lets himself out.
>You have been summoned to go to Canterlot, immediately.
 
“No.”
>You toss the letter onto the desk.
>Without speaking, Twilight magics the note over to herself and reads it.
>She puts down the letter and looks at you, you know that look. The one that
>says you should explain yourself.
“No, I’ve been out in the sticks for the last two years. I wa- no, need some goddamn time
off. God, can I just for a day, go have a nice meal, and sit down to some good company?”
>Twilight looks at the note, then back to you, and sighs.
>”I know Celestia, she wouldn’t call you over after such an project unless it was
>of the upmost importance.”
“I’m not going, at least not right now. I need some time off or I might try to kill myself
All over again.”
>Maybe the suicide jokes aren’t so appropriate right now.
 
>That was easily the best sleep you’ve had in a long time.
>That was the best breakfast you’ve had in a long time.
>You feel great, almost like a perpetual runners high, although, not having your pack on
>does feel a little off, fortunately you still have your Hawken, you couldn’t put it down after
>all it’s been through with you.
>Your thoughts are broken by an approaching train, the platform begins to rattle. You and
>Twilight step forward away from the crowd to get a better look at the cars in the
>approaching train. You see them; all five of them, most are waving enthusiastically. Pinks
>Has her face smashed against the glass, and Flutters waves a little slower than the rest.
>The doors open and a pink blur latches onto your chest, taking you by surprise. Pinkies
>grip begins to constrict around you as she begins her traditional rapid fire speaking.
>You could never keep up, but you catch enough of it to know that she missed you.
>The remaining four depart in a much calmer manner, and with that your first day off began.
 
>It was a very calm day, just quietly catching up with your old friends.
>Pound and Pumpkin cake both started school.
>Spike has grown by nearly a foot since you last saw him.
>The libraries gone, you were surprised to hear this one.
>Twilight now has a castle and such.
>The orchard is now twice as big.
>Everyone seems happy to share their lives with you. You are happy to see this.
>It gives you something to live for, not just yourself, but for them.
 
>It isn’t until around lunch that your first intrusion makes its self-known.
>It was a park side picnic, on the outskirts of the empire. You thought about asking if you
>could eat inside, but they seemed happy out here, so you were content to just sit under
>a tree and calmly eat and chat. You see a pony running towards your group, you simply
>track his motions with your eyes, unknowingly, you right hand begins to inch towards your
>Hawken. As he gets closer you recognize him as the guard from last night. The rest of your
>group turns to look at him; he bows his head, going down on his forelegs. You take the
>letter he’s been carrying. You read it over to yourself.
“Dear Anonymous,
Did you miss the morning train? I can rearrange the schedules if needed, it is imperative that
You get here as soon as you can.
Regards,
-Princess Celestia”
>You run your left hand through your hair when the guard speaks up.
>”Sir, would you like to write a response?”
>You nod, and the guard produces a quill and parchment from his saddle bags.
>You write your letter back
“Dear Princess Celestia,
For all intents and purposes please consider me retired.
Thank you for your time,
-Anonymous”
>You hand the letter back to the guard who nods his head, and heads back to the palace.
>AJ looks back at you,
>”Now what was that about?”
 
“It’s nothing, now, what were you saying about Angel?”
>You turn to Fluttershy while you say this, making your intent to steer the conversation
>clear. You can see Twilights displeasure at you avoiding this. You concede.
“Well alright then, you want to tell them?”
>She gives a small huff before speaking.
>”Celestia requested that Anon make a trip to Canterlot today, but Anon said he needs a
>day off.”
“Damn straight.”
>There’s a few murmurs as the ponies converse amongst themselves. You just take another
>Bite of your sandwich, and enjoy not being alone.
>”So… Anon. You do plan on going to Canterlot soon though? Don’t you dear?”
>You swallow you bit of sandwich before turning your head back to Rarity.
“Yeah, maybe not for another week or so.”
>”But, you do realize that she only se-“
>”Anon’s been mappin’ out this whole bucking continent for the last 3 odd years, ah fer
>one think that taking a week off would be good for him.”
>AJ has no clue how true those words are.  Everypony can sense your desire to change
>subjects. They quiet down and continue with the quite camaraderie.
 
>It was a good day, a very quiet day, just what you needed. Some nice relaxing time with
>your friends. Being national heroes and all, they too were staying at the Crystal Palace.
>The guards let you in without second thought. But once you step inside the foyer you
>immediately regret it.
>”Anonymous, why have you been ignoring my summons?”
“Son of a bitch.”
>You couldn’t have stopped yourself if you tried.
>Celestia raises an eyebrow at this. Looks like you’re being put back to work anyways.
“Fine, fuck it, let me get my things and we’ll go.”
>Without head to any of the other ponies you proceed to march down the stairs to your
>basement office. Muttering under your breath.
“Fucking ungrateful swine… no time off… goddamn ancient cock sucking slave driver.”
>You open the door, grab you external frame ruck and head back up the stairs.
>You get back to the foyer to find that the rest of the six have packed their things as well.
“What’s going on?”
>Rainbow drops in from above hovering at about your head height.
>”Well, you’ve had a pretty bad time, you know not getting your free time and all.”
>At this point Flutters pipes up.
>”So, we figured that we would join you, and go to Canterlot.”
“Yeah, but don’t you guys have work or other things back home?”
>”Well, if you must know, all of us took the week off when we heard you were coming back.”
>Well, this is nice. No more suicidal loneliness for the next week.
 
>The train ride is long and uneventful.
>Also empty, Celestia just waved her royalty card and made everything happen.
>It must be nice to be able to do that. Either way you and everyone else spent the whole
>time sleeping. However you woke up about an hour before the train arrived at the station.
>So did Celestia, you watched her raise the sun from the dining car, it was a pretty
>impressive sight. Once she’s done she enters the cart as well, looking directly at you.
>”You never answered my question.”
>You take another sip of your morning coffee.
“And you never told me why I’m coming here.”
>”Fair enough, come with me if you will.”
>You follow Celestia through the train until the both of you are standing on the back portion
>of the caboose, even though it’s outside there’s a whole lot less wind distortion than you
>thought. While she speaks you light a cigarette, nothing like the caffeine nicotine combo.
>”Don’t tell the others, but there’s been a major deterioration in our overseas relations.
>Ever since I sent you out, we have been slowly getting less and less contact from the
>Griffon Kingdom and minotaur tribes. The last communication we had informed us that the
>two nations had declared war on each other. For reasons we still don’t know.”
>Sip, drag, you motion with your cigarette hand to keep going.
>”A few nights ago, an emissary from the Minotaur tribes arrived.”
“and?”
>”He was found dead by some sort of unknown… projectile.”
“… So what does this have to do with me?”
>”You commissioned that… weapon… You’re the only one here who even knew abou-“
“So you want me to look over the crime and see if I can figure anything out, because of my
unique perspective?”
>”Yes.”
“Then I can put this behind me and go back to my life?”
>”Yes.”
 
>Upon arrival you were immediately taken to the scene of the crime, alone.
>everything had been magically preserved for you. It would be hard to call this an
>assassination, or even murder. Massacre is what comes to mind. The room had several
>dead minotaurs, and a couple feathers. Not the short feathers of a Pegasus, but rather the
>long feathers of a Griffon, several colors too. However this isn’t what concerns you.
>There are shell casings everywhere, long straight walled, rimless, brass caseings.
>To make matters worse, a couple of the minotaurs seem to have died holding some sort
>of simple open bolt submachine gun, vaguely reminiscent of a Swedish K.
>You pick up one of the guns, draw the magazine out, and put your pinkie finger in the
>chamber, it’s still wet with lubricating oil. You strip a round from the mag, you can’t
>recognize it, but you compare it to one of the spent casings. One looks close to .30 carbine
>but the other looks a whole lot like .44 or .45 caliber. Two different weapons, two different
>species. Something is going terribly wrong over the pond. You turn to the guard pony.
“No one heard this right?”
>”Uh, no sir. The closest guard at the time of the incident was on the other side of the hall.”
“Fuck.”
>So the griffons and the minotaurs had automatic weapons, supressors, and cartridge
>weapons. You can feel it now, you won’t get to go back to ponyville for a long time.
 
>You sigh, and check the wall clock, it’s about 6:10, soups up in twenty.
>Fuck, the rest of the room held no more surprises, but still. Fuck.
>The industrial revolution has already happened in the other two nations, and for some
>reason they have motive to assassinate each other. Whatever is going on overseas, it’s not
>good, really not good, especially for the ponies. Hell, they were still using crossbows.
>You stand up, rub your face, and turn to go get dinner. The royal dining halls were nothing
>new to you, or the other six for that matter. There’s lively conversation, and a few guests
>from Canterlot proper, but you can’t join in, you’re too caught up in your own thoughts.
>If the Griffons and the Minotaurs had the manufacturing base to produce arms like these,
>Then they most likely had several other treats that you didn’t know about. If they were
>willing to risk the wrath of the Equestrian crown with these rather sloppy hits then they
>must be at odds over something. Question is, how do we keep it out of Equestria? Huh,
>Just two days ago you tried to take the sad way out. What changed? You know what chan-
>”Hey Anon… Anon?”
“hmm, what now?”
 
>You turn to AJ.
>”Whatcha thinkin’ about? Looked really deep like.”
>You decide to skirt the subject of possible impending industrial age warfare, and instead go
>straight to the one that affected you more immediately. Deep breath, and lets roll.
“Two days ago I tried to kill myself in my office. I held the belief that all of you had moved
On with your life and had forgotten about me. I saw that my purpose, my usefulness, in this
world as used up, spent, over. Well it’s a good thing I failed, because: one my usefulness is
not determined by my employer, or employment status, and two, all of you still care.”
>You give a slight little hand gesture around the table.
“Besides, I have decided in the last hour that, my life is not just my own, but also my friends.”
>You look back at AJ with a small smile on your face. She seems to be having trouble
>digesting this new barrage of information, you watch her face change from worry to
>renewed hope and camaraderie, it warms you on the inside.
>”Of course we care about you, ya big dummy!”
>She hits your shoulder playfully. You both smile a little more, contented to see your conclusion.
 
>Once you gave your report to Celestia she was worried, with good reason.
>A diplomatic expedition was immediately marshalled. The six were going, with Twilight
>as the official emissary, a small complement of guards as well, and of course you.
>You got roped into this as sort of a precaution; Celestia obviously didn’t trust her guards
>against such weapons. Rightfully so too. You managed to get one of the minotaurs
>submachine guns out of the evidence locker, as well as five 25 round sticks.
>So here you are, standing on the prow of a three mast wooden hulled ship. Holding a
>weapon of unknown origin… All you wanted was a week off, but no, some assholes had to
>go and kill some other assholes and not tell you why.
>It’s maybe 11 or so, you just came out for a smoke before you turned in for the night.
>You did always find the open ocean to be relaxing, but lo, your reverie is broken by
>hoofsteps coming up from behind you. A voice soon follows.
>”You wouldn’t happen to have another would you?”
>You take out your pack and draw another one out holding it out for her, her horn lights
>up as she takes it from you. You go for your lighter, but Rarity just uses her magic again.
“Your nervous aren’t you.”
>She takes a drag and pauses before responding.
>”Yes, I hope I brought the right line up; I’ve never been to Griffon lands.”
“From what I can tell it’s hot, dry, and windy. Whatever the case, I’m sure you’ll be fine. You
Have a sense for these sort… of… things.”
>Half way through the sentence you started peering over the gunwhale, several small
>floating objects have caught your attention.
 
>”What is it dear?”
>You look a little harder at the floating objects, they seem to be about the size of an
>armchair, they also have several pipe like protrusions… Oh shit. One of the sea mines
>bumps into the side of the ship as you reach this conclusion, there’s a great flash of light
>and the ship rocks about five feet up, throwing both you and Rarity off your feet. A great
>surge of water follows and proceeds to soak the deck and the both of you.
>There’s a great commotion coming from below decks as the crew, guards, and rest of the
>six scramble to get topside. Rarity sputters and asks;
>”Goodness, what was-“
>The ship hits a second mine, it easily tears through the flimsy wooden ship.
 
>Well that went very poorly very quickly, why the hell was there sea mines off the coast?
>Not that it mattered; the ship hit several more mines and broke apart. A great hulk of fire,
>wood, and sail went down into the deep. Leaving debri and ponies everywhere. You
>Assume everywhere, they’re calling out to each other, but you can’t see them.
>Rarity lost cohesion during the blast, she was still awake, but only barely. You threw her on
>a rather large piece of floating debris, you tried to be gentle, but given the situation… a
>couple of bruises might show. You hold on to the piece of drift wood as you call out.
“Anypony alive out there!”
>”M-me! I-I’m still alive!”
>”Hold on there, I got ya. Anon, where yall at?”
“I’ll keep yelling, follow my voice!”
>”There gonna be anymore of those things?”
“We shouldn’t be able to set them off, so no.”
>You were talking out your ass, but it might help AJ and Flutters feel better. You keep yelling
>for about another thirty seconds until you see AJ’s form coming up to you, she’s dragging
>another piece of debris, you can make out the form of another pony on it.
>You wave them over, once they get close enough you begin to speak.
“Either of you hurt?”
>AJ keeps talking as she pushes the floatsam towards you.
>”Ah ain’t, but Fluttershy might have a broken wing.”
 
>Well shit.
“I say we keep pushing east, the ship was supposed to hit land, then travel north up the coast.”
>In the dim moonlight you can see AJ nod. With that you both start kicking east.
>Navigating by the stars is pretty easy once you got the hang of it, good thing you kept
>asking the ships navigator for lessons during your journey.
>You must have been pretty close to land as you make sight of the shore in a couple hours.
>By the time you reach land the suns beginning to rise, and Rarity has come too.
>You expected her to complain about her hair or something, but she understood the gravity
>of the current predicament. Flutters has passed out, weather from exhaustion or pain you
>can’t tell. Either way, you make it to the calm shore, legs burning, throat dry, and belly
>empty. There’s a collective groan as your group stumbles ashore, you pick up Flutters and
>begin to stumble up the shore, if only to figure out where the hell you are.
>”Another step and I’ll put one between your eyes!”
>You stop, quickly followed by AJ and Rarity as several minotaurs holding rifles rise out of
>the ground, having previously been concealed by foxholes.
“God dammit.”