>The phone rings.
>You groan and reach under the pile of clothes next to your futon mattress, feeling around for the small plastic brick.
>The alarm clock reads 4 a.m. as you blearily fumble for the phone.
>Ahh…got it.
“…hello?”
>…
“…what do you mean he’s in Las Pegasus?”
>…
“...Hoof in mouth disease? Why does he need to go all the way to Las Pegasus for…”
>…
“What do you mean I could be more sympathetic?!”
>…
“It’s my day off!”
>…
“Look, I worked all day yesterday. Get some relief in there by noon or I walk…”
>…
“THREE? I ain’t doing...”
>…
“But…”
>…
>You sigh.
“Fine…I’ll be there…”
>You hang up your phone and bury your face in the pillow.
>Why do you put up with this shit?
 
---------
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=068AFYvd58E
>The same as it always is…
>Show up in time to accept the morning supply of papers.
>The p0nies sure do love their newspapers…paying for them on the other hand…
>Restock the shelves…toss out the rancid burritos…discount the not-so-rancid burritos…
>Make sure the cigarette display is full…granted, they’re candy, but you suppose for p0nies they’re the same as the tobacco variety.
>Man, what you would give for a real smoke…
>Donut display, check…Coffeepot, on…Magazines? Organized…
>Dirty Magazines? The dry ones are organized.
>The sticky ones are thrown out.
>How do these colts do this without you noticing?
>Your greatest fear is that you’re cleaning behind the cooler one day and you find a secret door to some kind of p0ny spank ring.
>You check your watch. It’s almost time to open…
>There was hope when you got to this place that you could go on to do something special.
>Save the world, be a great doctor, or maybe a  musician…
>Nope.
>You’re the same aimless loser you were, just that instead of people, you’re surrounded by p0nies.
>Goddamn isn’t life wonderful.
>One last thing…
>You head outside to open the shutters. Grabbing the lock, you turn it to find…
>…
>Nothing.
>Someone just…took the lock?
>What’s the point of that?!
>You shrug and heave the shutters open.
>…
“You have got to be kidding…”
>Apparently, whoever “they” is stole the lock so they could vandalize the storefront under the shutter.
“Clerks is a stupid movie…also, penis.”
>That’s what they wrote.
>Someone is thinking too hard…
>You shake your head and go back inside, fuck it.
>You flip the sign over to read “Open.”
>Another fantastic day at the Hoof n’ Go.
 
-------------
 
>9 A.M.
>It’s been a fairly steady, average morning crowd.
>”Pack of Camels.”
“Cinnamon or Sugar?”
>”Cinnamon.”
>You grab a pack of the cinnamon flavored Camels and set it on the counter.
“Eighteen bits.”
>”Such highway robbery…” The pegasus stallion tosses the requisite bits on the counter, taking his purchase.
>”Seriously, where do you get off charging p0nies this much for cigarettes?”
>You throw up your hands with an exasperated sigh.
“I don’t set the prices, sir. I just sell them.”
>The stallion snorts. “I bet you campaigned for that new cigarette tax, fueling your fat paycheck.”
“Sir, I can guarantee you that any raise in prices does not increase my paycheck…”
>If you could afford eighteen bits a pack, you wouldn’t be living in a shitty studio apartment.
>”Oh yeah, I’m sure you tell that to everyone! I bet you eat at the Gilded Grain every night!”
>You wish you could simply eat every night on your salary.
“Come on buddy, now you’re being silly…”
>The pegasus turns and sticks his head out the door.
>”HEY EVERYP0NY! THIS SHOP IS GOUGING YOU FOR FEEDING YOUR ADDICTION SO SOME LAZY CLERK CAN EAT LIKE A KING!”
“HEY, NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE…”
>Too late, the pegasus is gone, his screaming echos about the cigarette fraud at the Hoof n’ Go echoing down the street.
“I hate this day already…”
>As you sigh and stick the bits in the register, barely able to stretch before the bell over the door rings again.
“Oh…good morning Ms. Cake.”
>For her part, the Sugarcube Corner owner looks just as exasperated as you do.
>”Anon, when is the video store going to open?”
“I’m sure he’s running late for a good reason…”
>Yeah, right.
>Cake shakes her head and trots in, grabbing a sack of donuts and tossing them on the counter.
>”Anyway, how much for these donuts? Might as well have a snack while I wait.”
>She stares at you as you stare at the sign DIRECTLY BEHIND HER HEAD, ADVERTISING DONUTS AT FIVE BITS A FREAKIN’ SACK.
>OPEN YOUR EYES YOU SAGGY OLD PIECE OF…
“Seven bits. Don’t you make stuff like donuts?”
>”Yes, but ever since Pinkie took that…second job of hers, her quality of work has…declined.”
>As Ms. Cake takes her purchase and leaves, you stick five bits in the register.
>The extra two go in your pocket.
>No dog food for Anon tonight…
>Speaking of Pinkie, you can hear her hard at work outside as the door opens and shuts.
>Now, if someone actually employed here could show up on time…
 
----------------
 
>Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy look at the wall between the store door and the door for the video shop.
>P: “Alright Fluttershy! Just like we practiced!”
>F: “Oh…ok…umm…Pinkie? Why do I have to wear this green overcoat?”
>P: “Don’t ask questions, Fluttershy! Now HIT IT!”
>Pinkie strikes a pose as Fluttershy sets down the boom box, gingerly pressing the “Play” button as her pink partner inhales deeply.
>As the retro drum beat gets started, so does Pinkie.
>P: “BUCK BUCK BUCK! MOTHER MOTHER BUCK, MOTHER MOTHER BUCK BUCK, MOTHERBUCK, MOTHERBUCK SWEET SWEET SWEET!”
>Pinkie Pie dances like a dynamo, while Fluttershy stands back, bobbing her head to the beat and trying to not look as embarrassing as her friend does.
>P: “SMOKIN’ COOKIES, SMOKIN’ CUPCAKES, DOIN’ CAKES, EATIN’ PIES! EATIN’ PIES PIES PIES! ROLLIN’ PIXIES, SMOKIN’ CAKES! WHO SMOKES THE CAKES?”
>F: “Uh….well….I don’t really smoke cakes…”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRp_mVi969I
>Pinkie groans as the music shuts off as if on command.
>P: “Fluttershy, that’s not what we practiced!”
>F: “Oh….I’m sorry, I’ll try harder next time…”
>The yellow pegasus recoils a little as the earth p0ny places her hooves on her hips.
>As you watch the scene play out through your window, you can’t help by wonder.
>How the hell does Pinkie stand on two hooves like that?
>P: “Seriously! How are we ever going to sell our stuff if you can’t get this right?”
>Fluttershy whimpers. “Sorry…”
>Pinkie sighs. “Alright. I’m gonna go get some coffee. You stay here and…not say anything.”
>F: “But…”
>P: “NOT. A. WORD!”
>Flutters bites her lower lip and nods as Pinkie bounds her way in to the store.
>P: “Hey Anon! I thought you weren’t supposed to be here today!”
“That’s what I thought…”
>P: “Damn Anon, don’t be such a pussy. Speaking of which, where’s the penis?”
“Come again?”
>P: “Sign outside says penis.”
>You sigh.
“We do not sell penis here.”
>Pinkie shrugs, pouring herself a cup of coffee. “Too bad, I’d buy it.”
“I’m sure Twilight would be upset.”
>P: “Oh yes, your –marefriend-. You ought to play the field, Anon. Know what will help? Some CUPCAKES!”
“No. And what have I told you about selling out in front of the stores?”
>Pinkie just giggles and heads out the door.
“WAIT! YOU GOTTA PAY for that….”
>You sigh. There’s no use.
>You fish the two bits out of your pocket and toss them in the register to cover Pinkie’s coffee.
>Guess it’s Alpo Surprise for dinner.
>Cake: “ANON, He isn’t here yet! I got foals at home!”
>You sigh and check your watch.
>9:15 A.M.
>Where the hell is he?