=-=PTSD AiE 2: Along The Watchtower=-=
 
"And so when man and horse go down
Beneath a saber keen,
Or in a roaring charge of fierce melee
You stop a bullet clean,
And the hostiles come to get your scalp,
Just empty your canteen,
And put your pistol to your head
And go to Fiddlers' Green."
 
>It was a hazy blur.
>All of it.
>You didn't even make it all the way to Ponyville before passing out.
>You had no way of knowing how many hours went by. But you cried.
>Cried a lot.
>Somehow, not pulling that trigger had it ALL coming back, rushing to you at once.
>As if a different trigger was pulled.
>Feelings, repressed guilt, all from deep within.
>Brian, Royce, Max, Mark.
>Your fault. It was all your fault.
>It was your watch.
>You hear birds singing, and your eyes suddenly sting.
>You squirm about, waking up.
>"You're awake.."
"Mmmmnn."
>You cover your eyes with a hand.
>Fucking sunlight.
>Why can't you stay asleep?
>No one lets you sleep.
>"Up, c'mon, get up.."
"No. Just a bit longer, it's too early..."
>"It's two PM."
>Your eyes flash open, to see none other than Lyra.
>Oh, Lyra.
>She's got her hooves up on your bed, standing on her hind legs.
>Back in your shitty trailer.
"Ugruhh. It is!?"
>"You slept a long time.."
"Did you come here to wake me up?"
>"I've been here all night."
"You... Have?"
>"You awake?"
"Yeah. Now."
>"Good."
>BAM
>She gives a small, quick punch to your face.
"Ough! Gah! What was that for!?"
>"Last night."
"Last night.. oh.. About last night."
>"Shhh~ Shush."
"No, Lyra.."
>"We'll talk about it later."
>You rub your face.
>You deserved that.
>You take look at her.
>Oh god. That face.
>She looks. Hurt, betrayed, and relived.
>"Don't EVER scare me like that again.."
>How do you tell her you wish she didn't stop you, but you could NOT do that in front of her?
>You didn't want her having... the same deal you have.
>God, the shame.
"Okay..I-"
>"Again, we'll talk about it later.. How are you feeling?"
"HUNGRY."
>She smiles.
>"Knew you'd be. C'mon. Let's get you food."
>You're not really gonna argue with that.
>You feel guilty every time one of them buys you stuff, of goes out of their way to do things for you.
>Except for one of them buying you booze.
>Anyone can buy you a drink.
>But this time, you're too hungry, and feel to shitty to care.
>You feel like CRAP.
"Yeah."
>You roll out of bed, and splash your face with a nearby basin of water and a washcloth.
>No power, or running water in here.
>You look into the mirror.
>The face that stares back at you is unfamiliar.
>It's your face, but you haven't recognized it since the war.
>You turn to look at her, and notices she's looking away to give you some privacy, even if you're just splashing your face.
>Looking away, but she's always fascinated by everything you do.
>Even all the little things.
"Alright, Heartstrings."
>You open the door for her, and she exits your dim little haven.
>Outside, the daylight almost stings your eyes.
>You were told their leaders raise and lower the sun and moon.
>Weird to you, but you're used to most of the shit here.
>Most of it.
>Some of the little ones make your heart explode every time.
>You may NEVER get used to that.
>Lyra leads the way, you follow alongside.
"You were really there all night? You slept there?"
>"I only nodded off a few times. I wanted to make sure you slept well."
>You just watch your feet as you walk.
>Comparing your two footfalls to her her four.
> 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2.
> 1-2, 3-4, 1-2, 3-4.
>"I.. Wasn't gonna let you outta my sight after that."
"No comment."
>"Where do you wanna eat?"
"I don't care. SO long as the food don't come from a plastic pouch."
>"Not your weird little home, then."
"I told you it's called a 'Trailer'."
>"Whatever. Let's go to Westheart's Cafe."
"That the one with those little grilled panini things?"
>"Uh, yeah."
"Great. Uh. You didn't...."
>"Tell anypony else how STUPID you were last night? No."
"Thanks."
>"You OWE me.."
>You don't tell her you wish you actually did it.
>But whatever.
>You just don't want a drama-fallout from it.
"Sure."
>You approach the cafe.
>Quaint little place.
>You like it because it's quiet.
"Let's... Sit outside."
>"Why?"
"I wanna see the sun. Watch the sky."
>"...Sure, Anon."
>She offers a tired smile.
>You take seats outside.
>Head hurts.
>SO MUCH.
>You sit down, and glance at the menu.
>It's not written in English, but you've been able to read it.
>The ponies don't speak English, but you can understand them.
>You speak their language too.
>Ever since you woke up here.
>Twilight said it was something about whatever it was that brought you here.
>You know what you want, and put the menu down.
"Lyra?"
>"Yes, Anon?"
"Bon-Bon gonna be irked you didn't come home last night?"
>"Yeah, she likely will, but.."
>You sigh. Great. You do muss up their lives.
>The waiter arrives.
>You both order your food.
>"I'll.. Have to have a talk with her."
>You don't much remember eating, some thing have been a blurry flash of headache.
>You shouldn't even be up, really.
>Oh well. Good food.
>After, you thank Lyra with a warm hug.
>She didn't want to leave her side, but she had to sort things out with Bon-Bon.
>But You send her off, and she'd swear she'd check up on you soon.
"That's not necessary."
>"You understand.. If I'm a little apprehensive about letting you off on your own.."
"Lyra.. I'll be fine."
>"Anon, You-"
"LYRA."
>She gives you a pained expression.
>Beats you up inside that you're doing this to her.
>Burden.
"I'll be fine."
>"If.. You say so.." She sighs.
>You leave before she can say anything else.
>Now walking through the town, you try to shake off these anxious feelings.
>Inexplicable rage, anxiety, baseless panic, guilt.
>SO much guilt.
>Nothing new, you've felt this way on and off for years. but today it's worse than ever.
>Likely because you had a gun to your head.
>Likely because Lyra saw that.
>Guilt x1,000
>You grit your teeth, resisting the urge to drink.
>It's not even 5. And you want to drink.
>As if you need more of a reason to hate yourself.
>Next think you know, you're walking through the markets.
>Wandering, aimlessly.
>Letting your subconscious mind drive you.
>You zone off easy these days, loose track of time, places.
>"Anonymous?"
>Is someone talking to you? You don't even know anymore.
>You turn around to see Twilight.
>She's in her saddlebags, must be out shopping.
>"Are you okay? You look horrible..."
"Never better."
>Whatever that means.
>"Were.. You crying?"
"I.. I dunno. Was I? I don't.. think so..."
>"Your eyes are bloodshot, and bit puffy.."
"Mmn."
>She sighs. "You've been.. Worrying me."
"Don't w-
>"Don't TELL me not to worry about you. You weird out half the town, and worry the rest."
>What can you say to that? You just scratch your head.
>"You left in such a hurry last night, nopony had much of a chance to say anything."
"I uhh. Needed a moment."
>"You look.. pale, and distraught."
"I feel like I went twelve rounds with a semi-truck."
>"A what?"
"Err, nothing."
>"Anonymous, you're just wandering around aimlessly, again. You're not intoxicated again, are you?"
"No. No I'm not."
>Unfortunatly.
>"Why.. Why don't you come rest up at my place for a bit? You look like you can use some tea."
"You sure? I'd hate to impose."
>Read: Be a burden.
>"Yes, I was just heading home.."
"Fine."
>You don't care anymore.
>Bouncing between once place to another.
>Days go by in cold flashes, sometimes, hours go by at a time.
>But now, everything seems in slow motion.
>Mind shutting down.
>"Come along, Anonymous."
"Thanks, Twilight."
>Walking by her side, you breathe in the warm, clean air.
>This place. Clean, bright, not the faintest whiff of smog, or anything like that.
>Despite the crappy feelings, you do your best to pull yourself together a bit.
>"I've been wanting to have a sit-down talk with you anyway, Anonymous.."
"You're asking me out on a date?"
>When you're not brooding, you're sarcastic.
>"No.. I'd like a date to involve dancing, and you don't seem like you can dance."
"I'm old fashioned. You'd be surprised."
>You walk into the tree-library.
>Who lives in a tree?
>Seriously?
>"SPIIIKE! Put the kettle on!"
>Spike pitters over.
>"You got it Twi! Oh! Hey Anon!"
"Heya bud."
>Spike's a cool little guy, you get along well.
>You pick your favorite chair, and plop down into it, as Twilight walks to you.
>"How was your walk, anyway?"
"Ehh.."
>She puts her forelegs up on the armrest to get a better look at you.
>You move your hand over and pet her.
>Some ponies that degrading, some, like Twi, react with catlike behavior.
"I just went out for some air."
>"You've said that before."
"I know. But I did."
>"You really stress some of us out when you do things like that.."
"Mn."
>By now, you hear the whistle of the kettle.
>Her ears perk up, and walks away to tend to it.
>You half-heartedly look over at her backside as she trots off.
"Eh."
>Not like you haven't thought about it.
>Been here for weeks, no other humans.
>Weird though, but you are male, and less fucks have been given over the past week alone.
>You look about the library, tiredly.
>Everything seems distant.
>Quiet.
>You then look to your hands.
>Your hands have never forgotten your old rifle.
>M-16 carbine.
>Your Colt .45 handgun, still somewhere by the old crossroads.
>Sometimes, your hands feel the slight buzzing that they used to after you'd shoot in full-auto.
>That 50. Cal at camp was so powerful it made your teeth rattle in your head.
>Memories. You catch yourself doing that again.
>Any moment you're not directly occupied, your mind will float to those days.
>Booze helps some. So does--
>"Here you are, Anonymous."
>Twilight offers you a cup of hot tea.
>You take the cup in both hands, the hot drink warm you palms, pulling you back to reality.
"What kind of tea is this?"
>"Ceylon tea. A favorite of Princess Celestia."
>You close your eyes and sip the scalding hot beverage.
>It burns your mouth, but you rather like that.
>The heat, taste, and caffine energize you a bit.
>After another sip and pause you feel a bit more...there.
"Does ceylon tea recharge your batteries?"
>"...What?"
"Your batteries. Does Ceylo-
>"Uh, sure.. Whatever you say."
>You take another sip, satisfied with that.
(Work in progress..)