Prostitution:
 
>You are Anonymous, and you are having the most mind-numbingly boring conversation of your life with Rarity and Lyra in Carousel Botique.
>This entire conversation has been dominated by Rarities talk’s about fashion, with a lewd joke or two made by Lyra.
>”Well, what do you think Anonymous?”
>Wait, what did she ask you?
“Uh… run that by me again?”
“Ugh, I said, ‘those poor crusaders are having such trouble with their cutie marks, it’s getting them down. Should I go give them a pep talk or something?”
“I have no idea, I know jack shit about those damn marks. Hell, why does Lyra have a cutie mark in lyre playing, if all she ever does is prostitution.”
“Hey! I’m a slut, not a prostitute!”
“There’s a difference?”
>“I don’t get paid, and I have standards!”
“What are they then?”
>“I haven’t figured out yet.”
Meanwhile…
 
>A:“We’re never gonna git our cutie marks at this rate!”
>Sb:“We’re going to be blank flanks for life at this rate!”
>S:”Have we tried salt dealing yet?”
>Sb:”Three times.”
>S:”Dragon slaying?”
>A:”We couldn’t even kill Spike.”
>S:”Writing shitty fan-fiction?”
>Sb:”Nope.”
>A:”What are they talkin’ ‘bout in there?”
>Sb:”Probably us.”
>S:”Hey, maybe evesdropping is our cutie mark!”
>A:”Good idea!”
>They sneak up to the door, and begin listening.
“I have no idea, I know jack shit about those damn marks. Hell, why does Lyra have a cutie mark in lyre playing, if all she ever does is prostitution.”
>A:”What in tarnation is ‘prostitution’?”
>S:”How the buck should I know?”
>“Hey! I’m a slut, not a prostitute!”
>A:”Thars that word again, do you know what it is Sweetie Belle?”
>Sb:“Not a clue.”
“There’s a difference?”
>A:”Well, we’ve tried everything we know, so maybe out cutie marks are somethin’ we don’t know?”
>S:”What are you saying?”
>A:”Ah’m sayin’, what if this ‘prostitution’ thing is our marks!”
>Sb:”Hey! That’s not a bad idea!”
>S:”But how can we do it if we don’t even know what it is?”
>A:”Twaigh light should know, she’s a smart pony!”
>CMC:”Cutie Mark Crusaders Prostitutes! Yay!”
 
>The Crusaders run up to the library, and begin trying to buck down the door.
>A: ”Twaighlight! Twaighlight! Open up!”
>Spike calls out from behind the door.
>”Twilight’s away in Canterlot, what do you need?”
>Sb: ”We need to know about prostitution!”
>”What’s that?”
>S: ”That’s what we came to find out you dumb ass!”
>A: ”Yah got any books about it?”
>”Well, I don’t remember any books about them, maybe I can send a letter?”
CMC: ”Sure!”
>Spike goes and grabs a quill and ink.
>”Dear Princess Celestia, please forward this to Twilight.”
>”Dear Twilight, Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and that orange orphan came here earlier today to ask you a question, but since you were-“
>Scootaloo gets impatient and punches spike in the back.
>S: ”Hurry the buck up already!”
>”-Burp-“
>A: ”Yah sent it too soon!”
>”I-I didn’t send it. Green fire sends, orange burns.”
>S: ”Oh buck.”
>Sb: ”Evacuate the premise!”
>They flee the now burning building, and regroup outside.
>A: ”Well shoot, now we’ll never find out.”
>Sb: ”We could just ask another pony, somepone in town’s gotta know.”
>”Sorry Mayor Mare, I just don’t know what went wrong!”
 
>CMC: “Hiya Derpy!”
>”Hi! do you girls want a muffin?”
>Sb: “Psst… Scootaloo, what’s with her obsession with muffins?”
>S: “I don’t know… its weird.”
>A: “Actually, we gotta ask yah a question, what’s prostitution?”
>”Why would you need to know that?”
>Sb: “We’re trying to get our cutie marks!”
>”You girls won’t get a cutie mark in that.”
>S: ”But how will we know that we wont?”
>”Hm. Ok!”
>”Prostitution is the thing you do when you need to pay the bills after getting fired from your job making deliveries.”
>CMC: ”Huh?”
>“You have to remember to use protection though, or else you can get a foal.”
>Sb: “This may not be such a good idea. I don’t want a foal…”
>A: “Don’t worry, we’ll just be careful!”
>S: ”Well, that doesn’t answer anything Derpy, what is it?”
>”Oh, sorry girls, but I’m going to be late. Come on Dinky, we’re going to be late to the dentist!”
>The CMC walk off, having more questions than answers.
>S: “Why did we ask her anyways, she’s a bucking retard!”
>Sb: “At least we know now we have to be careful.”
>A: “Hey, Ah’ve got some safety goggles in the barn, maybe we can use ‘em?”
>S: “Maybe my dad will know what we need?”
>Sb: “I thought your parents were dead?”
>S: “S-shut up! They’re just on a really… long vacation that… they forgot to take me on!… Yah… a really long vacation...”
>Sb: “Riiiight…”
>S: “We’ll ask Rainbow Dash then. She’s so awesome, she’ll probably know what we need!”
>A: “Ah don’t know about that…”
>Sb: “Me neither.”
 
>S: “Rainbow Dash! Hey Rainbow Dash!”
>”What the buck do you want you little shit?”
>S: “Oh wow, your talking to me, this is so awesome! Not as awesome as you tho-“
>Applebloom shoves her hoof into scootaloo’s mouth.
>A: “What she’s tryin’ to ask is, whats prostitution?”
>”Why do you need to know?”
>Sb: ”We’re trying to gEt our cutIE marks!”
>”Bwahaha! That’s bucking rich!”
>A: “So, are yah gonna tell us?”
>”No.”
>S: “Well, can you atleast tell us what protection we need?”
>”I don’t use it, you can’t get pregnant having sex with mares… right?”
>A: “How in tarnation’s should we know? We came to ask you.”
>”Oh buck then. I gotta go check on that…”
>Rainbow takes wing, and fly’s off.
>S: “See, isn’t she bucking awesome?”
>Sb: “But she didn’t hElp us!”
>S: “Yah, but know we know whatever it is, we can do with anypony! I want to do it with Rainbow Dash first!”
>Sb: “Hey, maybe Cheerilee will know! She’s as smart as Twilight!”
>A: “That’s a great idea Sweetie Belle!”
>S: “I say we ask Rainbow Dash again, maybe she will tell us now?”
>Sb: “You’ve got a problem…”
 
>CMC: ”Hiya Cheerilee!”
>”Hiya girls! What can I do for you today?”
>CMC: “What’s prostitution?”
>”Wait, what? Why in Equestria would you need to know that?”
>Sb: ”Ugh, we’ve told everyponE already, and they wouldn’t tEll us! Can you please just tell us what it is?”
>CMC: “Pleeeaaaasee?”
>”Ok, fine. As A teacher, it is my duty to-”
>S: “Yah yah, duty and all, just tell us!”
>”A prostitute is somepone who has sex with other ponies for money.”
>A: “Yah mean we git paid too!?”
>”What was that?”
>A: “Nuthing!”
>Sb: “What’s sex?”
>Cheerilee facehoofs.
>”Penis goes in vagina, and baby is made.”
>CMC: “Thank you Miss Cheerilee!”
>”So-long! And goodluck with whatever it is!”
>S: “Now we just need to find somepone to have sex with for money! I vote Rainbow!”
>Sb: “But we can’t! She’s broke!”
>A: “How’s about Anonemous? He’s the one we learned about it from!”
 
>Once again, you are Anonymous.
>And you have just opened the door to the three ponies of the apocalypse.
>You really don’t like the grins they’re giving you…
“What do you brat’s want?”
>CMC: ”To buck you for money!”
“What?”
>They tackle you, disproportionately strong for their tiny size.
>Sweetie Belle magics your pant’s off, and your member stands proudly.
>Damn Lyra keeps putting aphrodisiacs in the coffee grinds.
>She’s the first to hop on, hopping off immediately.
>Sb: ”Eww, it feel’s so weird!”
>Scootaloo’s next, doing the same.
>S: ”I kind of like it…”
>Applebloom hops on, and just… sits… there…
>The hell is she doing?
>A: ”Think ah’ve kept it in long enuf?”
>S: ”Yah yah, let’s go!”
>Sb: ”Wait, we forgot the money!”
>S: ”Oh yah!”
>They rip your wallet from your pants, and run off.
>You just got raped by three fillies, congratulations.
>You hear heavier hoof steps now.
>”Anon! What happened?”
“They-“
>”You know I don’t like to be left out of orgies!”
>Oh god damn it.
>”Oh well, late’s better than never!”