The Derpy’s Speech
 
>you are a foal
>and mommy is talking, so you’d better listen up
>”Gud fwuffies haf wotsa fwends. Fwends make fwuffies happies when fwuffies haf saddies! Fwends gif huggies ta fwuffies! Fwends pway wif fwuffies!”
>sounds reasonable enough
>”Babbehs nee’ fwends. Aww fwuffies nee’ fwends.”
>mommy walks over to you and put a hoof on your head, petting your mane
>”Babbeh say ‘fwend’ ta mummah?”
>oh no
>you don’t know if you can talk like mummah does
>what if it comes out sounding all dummy?
>you’ve barely even said more than a few words in your whole life!
>well, you might as well start now
>you feel scaredy poopies, but stop them
>if you’re gonna do this, you need to be a brave fluffy
>planting your hoofs in the ground and drawing a deep breath, you muster up the best possible pronunciation you can
>”F-b-wend.”
>no, that’s not right!
>fwend, not fbwend
>”Fbwend!”
>wrong again
>you start to cry into your hooves
>if you can’t get it right now, you never will!
>suddenly, you feel mommy pick you up and give you a big hug
>”Shh, babbeh. Shh. Dat gud twy. You nee’ pwactice. Pwactice.”
>you don’t understand why mommy is hugging you, since you’re such a dummy for not saying it right
>but, soon, she begins singing a little song, and you feel happy again
>mommy makes pretty song noises
>you wish you could tell her, but you can’t even say “fwend”
>that’s okay
>mommy told you that you just need some practice
>you’re not sure what a “practice” is, or how it’ll make you say words better, but it’s a start
 
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>you wake up in a soft bed
>you are Derpy, now a much bigger fluffy
>and you had a dream about mommy
>looking back, you really miss mommy
>but your new daddy is nice, too
>he saved you from the loud monster that got mommy and the rest of the herd
>you just wish he got there a bit faster
>but what’s done is done, and having lots of saddies isn’t going to help
>daddy walks in, and sees you awake in bed
>”Oh, hey, Lazybones. Guess you finally decided to wake up. C’mon, I’m gonna give you some more speech lessons.”
>your name isn’t Lazybones
>it’s Derpy
>silly daddy
>despite this, you follow him down the big hallway into the talking room
>daddy calls it the ‘living room’, but it’s where you practice your talking, so you call it the talking room
>oh, and you figured out what a practice is!
>it’s when you do something lots of times until you can get it to work
>and while it may be boring, it’s managed to help you talk like a good fluffy
>daddy sits down in the big Daddy Chair, and puts you on his lap, petting your mane
>”Alright, Derpy. Are you ready? Repeat after me: Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary…”
>daddy trails off, waiting for you to repeat what he said
>you clear your throat just like he taught you to, and raise your head up so you have a prettier voice
>”Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary.”
>you speak like the best fluffy now!
>you even sound like a human!
>daddy taught you a whole lot of things about how to properly use your voice
>drink lots of wawas, have lots of sleepies, how to pronounce “hard and soft” letters, and all sorts of other fun things
>you still have the high-pitched voice of a fluffy pony, but daddy says that just makes you sound cuter
>it makes you happy when daddy says you’re a good speaker
>the two of you continue with the lesson, and go through the entirety of the poem
>when it’s all over, daddy puts you down on the floor, and talks on his magic toy
>it lets him talk to other daddies all over the world!
>you’re not even sure how big a world is, but you know there are a lot of daddies out there
>at least more than you have hooves
>so that’s a lot
>daddy talks and talks on his magic box, and you wander off to go play with your blocks
>you can roll one end over end all the way across the room by pushing it with your sniffer
>it’s fun!
>you do that for a very long time, and daddy comes in and talk to you
>”Derpy? We did it! I finally managed to get us a spot at the Fluffy Conference!”
>the Fluffy Conference?!
>daddy taught you all about the Fluffy Conference!
>it’s where all the smarty humans get together and talk all day about fluffies
>and you and daddy get to go there
>”But wait, Derpy! It gets better! You’re going to have a seat with all of the other Senators!”
>your jaw hits the floor
>not literally, that would give you ouchies
>you get to sit up there and talk with all the smarty hoomins, all day long!
>you’ve never heard more exciting news in your whole life!
>”Thank you, daddy! When Derpy and daddy going to the Conference?”
>while your voice may be clear, your grammar is still poor
>”Today, Derpy. We’re going to board the plane in just a few hours. Hey, you know, we might have time to stop by the park. Maybe even meet a friend or two.”
>”Fbwend?”
>”Still can’t pronounce that one, hmm?”
>you shake your head
>”That’s fine. Everyone at the Conference is going to think it’s endearing.”
>daddy scoops you up in his arms, and the two of you head out of the house
>wow
>you’re going to go to the Fluffy Conference
>mommy would’ve been so proud
>maybe you’ll take a little bit of sleepies to see her again, and tell her the good news
>yeah
>that sounds pretty good