Requests from 11/17/12
 
OATS! – Anon finds a unicorn horn and has fun with it.
 
 
>You are Anonymous, seven-year-old from Planet Earth.
>And you have, in your sweaty palm, the be all, end all, of childhood toys.
>It’s a sword!
>No, no, it’s a battering ram!
>Or, is it a magic wand?
>No, it’s better than all those things, it’s
>“Anon!  Put that stick down before you put your eye out!”
>Just a hunk of wood.
>Sighing, you let the dreaded staff ‘Mother’s Bane’ drop from your grip, shoving your hands into your pockets as it clatters against the sidewalk.
>Darn Mom, always cutting in on your fun.
>In retaliation, you scuffle your feet against the gritty stone walkway, creating an agonizingly amusing grinding sound.
>Just as you’re getting into the rhythm, the claw of Ma Roc descends upon your arm, dragging you deeper into the Catacombs of Down Town.
>“I swear, you’re absolutely impossible.  I’ve a million things to do, and you just keep dragging your feet.  When your father hears…”
>Annnd zone out.
>Only vaguely aware of your surroundings, your head bobbles from side to side, taking in the sights and sounds of Christmas in the city.
>Still forever away, but apparently it was never too early to start, uh, how did Dad put it?
>Horry out the holidays?
>Whatever, it just meant that the holidays were coming up.
>And this year, you were going to make out like a bandit!
>Your Mother releases your arm as she digs through her purse, and you take stock of your situation.
>Deep within the relm of Down Town, intrepid explorer Anonymous searches for…
>For…
>Your eyes light up as you spot your target.
“The Horn of Unicorn… Nibbles!  No…”
>Right!  It’s the Horn of Unicorn, Gate Smasher!
>Dreaded beast from time immemorial!
 
>With Ma Roc distracted by her shiny baubles, you bolt, across the Black River.
>It screeches and wails as you outwit its mighty whirlpools and torrents, jumping from rock to rock.
>Ma Roc turns at the sound, screeching to the heavens.
>“My baby!  He’s going to get hit by a car!”
“Foolish old bird, even if you learn the human tongue, no one will believe that you are mother to great Adventurer Anon!”
>Thrusting your arms over your head, you cackle and rush towards the pedestal holding the horn.
>With grace and luck gifted only to the young and foolhardy, you pull yourself hand over hand, on top of the bronze sculpture.
>Towering high above Down Town, you take a moment to appreciate the view, surrounded on four sides by the Black River, which goes on forever in every direction.
>Taking a deep breath, away from the noxious fumes below, you clutch the statue’s horn in your grip.
“No longer am I Anon, the Adventurer.”
>The grooves of the horn dig into your hand, but you don’t mind.
>With a twist and a jiggle, the instrument is free, held high above your head.
“I am now Anon!  The Unicorn Wizard!”
>The denizens of Down Town stop and gape, their dull eyes and slack jawed expressions only further driving home your absolute victory!
>Yes, behold your new lord, Anon!
>With a whoop, you give up a cheer, standing in an attempt to garner their praise.
>And that’s when your luck runs out.
>
>The sky, grey and cloudy, has a certain charm to it.
>In the distance, you can see the faint flecks of silver snow.
>The city seems to grow around you as you fall, buildings bursting into view.
>Your hand grows slick with a sudden heat.
>And you hit the ground with a tremendous smack.
 
>For an instant, you can feel your entire being leave your body.
>A thousand faces block your view of the sky, millions of words mingling to an endless string of verbal vomit that you can’t make heads or tails of.
>As you feel your self being pulled back into your body, the world flickers out of existence, and then back in.
>But it’s not the world you were expecting.
>No faces, no grey clouds, just a vast expanse of blue with plump white clouds mixed in.
>It’d be nice, if you weren’t writhing on the ground in pain.
>The good news is, you’re writhing!
>On top of that, the pain is beginning to recede!
>Letting out a heavy breath, you take a moment to be grateful for the little things.
>Your fingers tighten again around the horn, clutched in your right hand.
>Bringing your prize up to your face, you scowl at it.
>A whole lotta good that came out of that adventure!
>Still, it is rather enchanting, the way it catches the light, the soft yellow glow that…
>Keeps getting brighter the longer you stare at it.
>Your pain momentarily forgotten, you scramble to your feet and point the smaller end of the horn away from you.
>The yellow glow extends in an instant, burning away a patch of grass near your feet.
>For an instant, you consider dropping the horn and running away.
>But poorer sense prevails and you can only manage a small smile as you twist the orange-hued keratin in your possession.
“It’s, really magic.”
>Chuckling, you let out a heavy breath and check to your left and right.
>You’ve never seen a place so, bright, so vibrant.
>Which means that you are hopelessly lost.
>In the distance, you can see the faint outline of several small buildings.
 
“So, a boy finds a magic wand, and then lands in a strange world, huh?”
>A smile creeps across your face.
“That’s cool.”
>Without a thought but to the adventure ahead, you begin the trek across the rolling hills towards civilization.
>As you walk, you being practicing with the horn.
>Flicking your wrist, you point it at a tree.
“Zap!”
>Nothing happens.
>Refusing to be frustrated, you continue your practice of making things explode.
>It doesn’t work at all.
>Oh well.
>Pocketing it for the time being, you continue to walk across the landscape.
>After an hour, or so, you crest the last hill and smile down at the town.
>It’s a little smaller than you’re used to, looking like something out of a book of fairy tales.
>Ramshackle cottages, old European building designs, the works.
>For a child, it’s like stepping into a book and finding everything real.
>With a cheer, you rush down to the village, ready to begin your adventure.
>Dashing though the worn walkways, you laugh, eyes darting from one side to the next, taking in as much as you can.
>Strangely, no one seems to be around.
>The rush of finding a strange new world hasn’t worn off yet though, so you don’t mind too much.
>Besides, you’re bound to run into someone sooner or later.
>Rounding a corner you
“Ooof!”
>See?
>Falling in a heap, you laugh and shake your head, knocking the cobwebs loose.
“Oh jeez, I’m sorry about that, I didn’t see you there.”
>“Fell wop harden?”
>At, at least you think that’s what she said.
>Still dazed, you sit up and squint at your fellow collider.
>Enormous green eyes meet yours as you scramble to your feet.
>Her skin, a vibrant orange.
>And, her body?
 
“You’re, a HORSE?”
>The creature, which comes about to your shoulder, frowns and cocks her head to the side.
>“Belle fet?”
>Realization begins to sink in.
>You’re in a strange place, where they speak a strange language.
>More than that, you’re in a strange place where horses TALK!
>Perhaps, exploring wasn’t such a good idea.
>The horse begins to approach, attempting to say something to you, which you can’t possibly understand.
>Panic wells up in your belly, so you do the only thing you can think of.
>You grab the unicorn horn, flick it at her, and run away screaming.
>She does the same, though you don’t bother to look back as to why.
“I gotta get outta here!”
>Unfortunately, rushing across the street puts you smack in the middle of a market.
>Horses everywhere.
>All yammering along in their horse tongue.
>And all casting curious looks at you.
>Your lungs, strained by the sprint, begin working overtime as you hyperventilate.
>The horn, still clutched in your fist, begins to glow, the tingling heat spreading to your hand.
>As one especially large horse approaches, you fling out your right hand.
>The wand emits another blast of yellow light.
>And the once imposing horse is now three/quarters of his original size.
>Silence spreads across the market.
>And then every one of the horses loses it.
>Screaming and yammering, they’re in just as bad a state as you are.
>Which, doesn’t do much to make you feel more comfortable about your situation.
>With a cry, you fling the wand out again.
>A stall of flowers explodes, sending candy flying every direction.
>A horse ends up covered in clown makeup.
>And then, you’re on your back again, floored by a multi-colored streak.
 
>Your vision fades as you hit the ground, eyes possibly jarred loose by the impact.
>Whoever it is, she’s shouting at you, pounding a hoof against your chest.
>That should probably hurt, but it doesn’t, instead a firm, but delicate touch.
>The grey film around your eyes finally begins to fall away, revealing a pair of large, raspberry colored eyes.
>She’s saying something now, a little bit cooler than before.
>You still don’t understand a word of it.
“I don’t, understand you.”
>Your vision wavers again as darkness descends from the edges of your eyes.
>The smaller horse scowls and turns her head to the side.
>Her mane, interestingly enough, is the same color as the streak that plowed into you.
>Seven different shades of black and grey.
>As you slip away, losing sight of her mustard colored coat, you have to wonder.
>Oh Anonymous, what have you gotten yourself into now?
 
 
 
Alcoholic Anon
Anon & Rainbow prank Ponyville
 
>Day Cloud Reader in Ponyville.
>“So I was thinking that we could get the girls together and have a picnic!”
>“Oh Twilight, that sounds like a wonderful idea.  I’ve got a new sunhat that I’ve been dying to show off.”
>The two unicorns giggle and continue talking about their plans, when an unearthly screech echoes up from the town square.
>Several ponies turn towards the sound.
>Ever ready for strange occurrences, Twilight bolts towards the sound, followed by several others, Rarity included.
>
>You thrash about on the ground, clutching at the sides of your head and wailing.
>A decent crowd has formed now, wondering what has got you so worked up.
>“Anon!”
>The familiar voice of Twilight Sparkle rings out clear, causing you to turn to her.
>“Anon, what’s the matter?”
“Th-the clouds…”
>Panting, you point up to the sky, the ponies follow your extended finger.
>A large, ominous black cloud moves ever closer to the town.
>The ponies stare for a moment, and then start to laugh.
>“Oh Anon, don’t you remember?  All weather is controlled by the weather team.”
>Twilight shakes her head, smirking down at you.
“You, you don’t understand!  That cloud symbolizes our impending DOOM!”
>Another burst of laughter from the crowd.
>One of the pegasi flaps up to shift the cloud out of the way.
>Flitter, or something like that.
>Arriving at her designated target, she begins pushing and shoving the cloud.
>Only to have it shove right back.
>She spirals down for a moment, before flying back up and shoving it again.
>And promptly gets enveloped by the encroaching black mass.
 
>Even on the ground, they can hear her terrified scream cut tragically, tragically short.
>The ponies gape as you chuckle, shaking your head, feeling the madness grow inside you.
“That’s it, we’re doomed.”
>“Stop it, Anonymous!  We just need to find Rainbow Dash!”
>Twilight snaps at you, bringing you out of your pity party.
>“Aw, we don’t need the weather team leader, we can take care of this ourselves!”
>A male pegasus, Silverwind chuckles, taking half a dozen pegasi into the sky.
>They are dealt with in the same way Flitter was.
>Several ponies on the ground begin stomping their feet in agitation.
>The cloud creeps ever closer, even lowering out of the sky a little.
>At last, Rarity cracks.
>“Every pony for themselves!”
>Panic ensues, sending the herd animals for their homes.
>The wailing and gnashing of teeth isn’t far behind.
>Twilight stammers in an attempt to get her thoughts together.
>“I, I’ll stop it, with magic!”
>Her horn goes alight, firing a purple aura into the cloud bank.
>It rumbles and snarls for a moment
>Before a torrent of chocolate rain is unleashed, further winding up the remaining ponies.
>“It’s Discord!  Every pony run!”
>Pegasi battle against the bank in the sky, each swallowed in their own time, cries of despair ringing out through the heavens.
“Doooooomed.”
>You whisper in the frazzled Twilight’s ear.
>With a squeal, the purple pony bolts for the library.
>Probably to look up some spell to save the day.
>But, it’s already too late.
>You knew it the moment the cloud appeared.
 
>The cloud hovers over the entire town now, drizzling sticky rain on every inch of the settlement.
>As you remain on the ground, knees buried in the dirt, you hear the fluttering of wings beside you.
>“Anon, you should really be inside.  You’re going to ruin your clothes.”
>Smirking a little, you glance at Rainbow Dash.
“I could say the same to you.  Cleaning chocolate sauce out of your wings is going to take weeks.”
>She giggles, holding out a hoof.
>You bump your closed fist against it as the two of you take in the scene.
“Best prank ever?”
>“Pretty close.”
>Sharing a laugh, the two of you allow the cloud to linger for a few minutes longer, before the weather team disperses it.
>Today was a Zoonday kind of day.