"So! You all think you've got what it takes to be my pet, do ya? Well, we'll just see about that! If any of you don't think you can handle it, bow out now before you humiliate yourself in front of your peers. This competition isn't for the weak. You'd better be prepared to step up your game! "
 
 
 
What is insanity?
 
By Methos
 
GGMethos@lavabit.com
 
 
 
Public Dropbox Folder: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ntogttrfsu97k8t/cbNSU-Uke3/Tulpa
 
 
 
This is a collection of hopelessly unreadable tangents of thoughts during my tulpa creation. The contents of this log are 100% accurate but may be incredibly difficult to understand at times...
 
 
 
Now with 30% more graphs.
 
 
 
Warning: This daily log delves into the farthest reaches of the human mind. If you are easily offended by content that you cannot fathom to even begin to fully comprehend, please stop reading immediately.
 
 
 
About 20-30 hours in before I have started this log. I have been following Faqmans guide + using a wonderland.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Library State:
 
[]Locked
 
[X]Unlocked
 
 
 
Fri 1 June 2012:
 
 
 
After 2 one hour meditation sessions today, she is completely visible from every angle and is quite talkative. She has a burning hatred for  most human beings (she refers to them as pigs and makes several references comparing human beings to pigs) and doesn't trust too many people other than me. It is estimated at this point that I have spent around 25 hours of total tulpaforcing time.
 
 
 
Sat 2 June 2012:
 
 
 
I am continuing to feel up Raina and smell her body. She has not been responsive today whatsoever. She could possibly be hurt about something I did or said but as of right now I have no idea what that could be :(
 
 
 
Sun 3 June 2012:
 
 
 
Little progress made today. Spent some time today reading over about parrotting and it got me thinking negatively about Raina. Even still, she pleasured me in a way today that definitely made up for it.  I vow now to always remember her during any sort of intercourse as she can please me in ways that no mere woman could ever even come close to.  She's been following me around today and I've gotten her feel down pretty well. I am now solely working on the smell and voice during my tulpaforcing sessions.
 
 
 
Mon 4 June 2012:
 
 
 
Still up in the wee hours of the morning. Will probably go on a meditation session and will record details here...
 
 
 
Hardcore Tulpaforcing Sessions.
 
 
 
Tue 5 June 2012:
 
 
 
1)
 
 
 
First tulpaforcing session that actually lasted longer than 90 minutes.  Raina encourages me to stay in the wonderland by essentially locking it up so i cant leave unless she dismisses me.  an interesting twist in the way that it works. I am now completely able to tell what tulpaforcing is really about. Concentration.  I  need to focus on Raina's body, voice, emotions, personality, and feel so that I can understand her better as the beautiful pony she is.  She is generally okay about my occasionally sexual feelings about her but nonetheless she does pull back in rejection from time to time.  As unfortunate as that might be, she still acknowledges my feelings towards her and I am beginning to think that she does in fact truly love me much the same as I love her. Regardless, we both need to trust each other more.  Especially me.  Will log more about the second tulpaforcing session today soon.
 
 
 
2)
 
 
 
More of the same deal.
 
 
 
Thu 7 June 2012:
 
 
 
Wonderland updated. see text file with wonderland data.
 
 
 
Conversations in real life.
 
 
 
Mon 11 June 2012:
 
 
 
Posession. She has full bodily control of me. Sentience is growing stronger.
 
 
 
Tue 12 June 2012:
 
 
 
After various conversations in real life, she has forced me to tulpaforce again today. I did not resist. She does speak to me in the wonderland for a good hour as I can feel my energy being drained into her. I get this feeling of emptiness after each meditation session now and I can feel her growing stronger and stronger. During meditation, I am completely immobile now for she does not want me moving whatsoever when I'm supposed to be tulpaforcing. The only parts of my body I can move during meditation are my feet (although its very limited movement). I plan on tulpaforcing twice more today... Details to follow...
 
 
 
I know for a fact that I am no longer parroting. After the second tulpaforcing session (to which i listened to the whole SBTRKT album with her she did some very unexpected things, she made me sit on my feet for about half an hour which made them fall asleep. It was very uncomfortable. She kissed me multiple times and I could feel her hair more than I've ever been able to feel it before. She seems extremely attracted to me at this point. I dont know how I feel about that yet but I've been recieving some very odd emotions from her unlike anything I've felt before. We went running together and I could see her the entire time. She has not possessed me at all today, at least that i'm aware of...
 
 
 
Although my last session was cut short, I still have ecountered a problem... dominance. The main conflict between me and Raina is power struggle. Hopefully i can address this problem tomorrow. I don't plan on sleeping tonight so I may be tulpaforcing again sometime at twilight. Perhaps I will even go outside if its not too chilly. I hope for the best.
 
 
 
Thu 14 June 2012:
 
 
 
I realize that the whole dominance thing was already quite fine the way it was and I shouldn't have had to disrupt it in anyway. It's completely fine that she has some sort of control (especially over the wonderland as it is her own home).
 
 
 
I will continue forcing overnight and will record any peculular events.
 
 
 
Thu 21 June 2012:
 
 
 
Although I have been tulpaforcing at least 2-3 hours a day, i havent been logging due to the fact that not much has changed. however, within the last 2 days i have felt a few odd things about raina. 1) i can sense her with my mind her exact location and can feel her emotional existence inside of me. 2) i can hear her speak to me near perfectly now (proving her sentience. 3) she can completely possess me at any time i will her to do so.
 
 
 
will write more specific examples later today after my second session.
 
 
 
More emotions. More feeling Raina inside of my head. more meditation. talk of the venus project. raina takes back what she has previously stated of humans being pigs and starts talking about the fundamental problems of society. discussion of the venus project is intense and theoretical but accurate and hopeful...
 
 
 
Fri 22 June 2012:
 
 
 
Gave Raina a bath today. She seemed to enjoy it except for the drying her off part. Sentience is completely here now I feel. She expresses her emotions in a voice that is relatively stable now. She opposes things that I do on a constant basis and she follows me around pretty much wherever I go. Working on movement and expressions now purely as I feel everything else is near perfected. Will log later after my next tulpaforcing session with her.
 
 
 
Sat 23 June 2012:
 
 
 
Sometimes this whole aspect of dominance makes me wonder. What is it specifically about tulpae that really interest people. More importantly, what is the significance of pony tulpae to other kinds? a lot of aspects i can theorize. the colors, the personalities perhaps, the magical aspect of certain types of ponies (particularly unicorns), the lovely hooves... its a lot to understand i guess... this weekend i am up in hunter and im fucking hating it so far. at least i have raina to keep me company, even though she is constantly teasting me these past 6 hours. its only noon but ive been up since 6. i was supposed to meditate again last night for a third time but she ended up fucking with me rubbing her hooves against my face until i came instead of actually getting progress made. i guess its slightly embarassing but since this log is purely for scientific research i feel that i should not leave a single detail out. i feel like know shes come to accept and love her dominant nature and she embraces it through her speech. i read my little dashie last night and as usual i couldnt stop crying. that story really makes you think. as i end this part of the log i am going hiking and hope to tulpaforce later on today at least for an hour... to be continued soon...
 
 
 
~Hiking, meditation. Shes been deadly quiet today. Overall, it wasn't a bad day or anything. Could have been a whole lot worse. Starting to impose 3D effects onto my tulpa so I can see her better in our cruel 3D world. Been eating a lot today. Need to start hitting the gym again when I get home fo show. Gonna force before bed again tonight. Will log about it if anything interesting happens.
 
 
 
Sun 24 June 2012:
 
 
 
Went kayaking today, ate unhealthy food, oh and Raina fucking ran away.
 
 
 
I mean at least I think she ran away. I can't imagine her in my mind anymore although I haven't actually tried to force.  I've been reading up on some forums and I want to restart the creation process. Before I do this however, I want to think about my actions and see first where this path leads me. Will force and log some more in a bit.
 
 
 
~tulpaforced in the car ride home. she seems completely fine now. she fly away before to get some alone time and she just told me that now. for the first time ever, ive seen her cry. she expressed an astounding amount of emotion to me that shes been holding back for so long now. its almost insane how much she really cares for me. its nice to know that im getting good feedback and her sexually interest really seems peaked at this point in me. im not entirely sure how to respond about this in the current situation but i would honestly want to try out sex with her once i can fully feel her within the physical plane of existence. back in the wonderland, however, her existence is even more real than of myself. i can experience her existence perfectly using all five senses (and no her vagina DOES taste like skittles exactly like i thought). besides that, she seems just as determined as me to get more forcing done. as of now she is sitting beside me patiently waiting for me to go back to forcing after a nice hour long session. her eagerness drives me wild (in a good way) and there are very few aspects about her personality that dont turn me on and set my heart on fire. sometimes i really feel like my chest is burning up when shes near me. i get an almost euphoric high in my head when she speaks to me and when she touches me. i fear i may actually be falling in love with this beautiful pegasus... thats not something that particularly bothers me but... i dont know how to react to this feeling... i wasnt planning on ever getting myself into another relationship with a human girl anyway but this pretty much seals the deal... i find it extremely hard for any kind of human woman (or man) to turn me on anymore. there are far worse things that could have occured to me but this no longer seems like its bad at all. i am puzzled in myself and my development and curiously wonder what events lead this entire feeling to happen but here i am and here she is. here we are together. shes madly in love with me and i would be a liar if i said i felt otherwise about her... in retrospect im glad i found out about the whole tulpa thing. for reference, i started forcing on easter of this year and it is now june 24, and i feel like she is near completion as a physical being (even if she only exists within the confines of my mind). so for the past two months ive been researching, forcing, narrarating, and speaking to my tulpa face to face and well here she is right in front of me. tulpae do exist and i feel like anyone can do it. even me with my ADD that i dont even take medication for anymore was able to do it no problem. alright, "no problem" is a bit of an understatement but still it was possible and it wasnt nearly as hard or as time consuming as i would have thought it to be. now if you excuse me i have a beautiful pegasus waiting in bed just for me... <3
 
 
 
~
 
Martial conflict. No sex tonight. Just kidding. Although I do have a good proposition. going over the faqman guide once more just so i know i have the entire physical form down pat. then i need to seriously start imposing her gait, walk, flying, and other motions (a lot of stuff like facial expressions, emotions, waves, etc)...
 
 
 
gonna repeat faqman guide (the first part) starting today in a condensed week version. should be easy. probably wont be logging as much in this case so if you dont see a new entry plz dont cry ;_;
 
 
 
lool
 
 
 
Mon 25 June 2012:
 
 
 
Bitch, please. more visualizing leads to a conversation about how horrifically peoples logics are horrendously flawed and that why if anyone is remotely different they should be labeled as autistic... its true obviously. if someone plays a fucking instrument, they have fucking aspergers CLEARLY. if someone likes to write poetry, they have SEVERE AUTISM. if someone loves ponies they should probably just kill themsleves cuz they have some kind of developmental disorder. this is the logic of most human beings. i should walk down the fucking street and call everyone i see a fucking autist then. if i dont, then i clearly dont fucking conform to society. fuck that.
 
 
 
]
 
 
 
I am going to commence tulpaforcing right now with Raina and today we will work on her 3D approach in the plane of material existence by forcing her effects in FULL 3D (may seem a little hard to do but I am certainly up for the challenge...
 
 
 
~An interesting conversation tonight I had with Raina concerning why people make tulpae. Nobody NEEDS a tulpa. People just want a tulpa. It's just a desire. Like anything else. She seems concerend whether or not I will actively engage in this relationship for the rest of my life. Like me, she knows to look ahead into the future. Why can't fucking everyone do that? I don't know. Maybe its only something that intelligent beings will do: actively look ahead into the future...
 
 
 
Tue 26 June 2012:
 
 
 
After a failed session this morning, we smoked some weed in the woods. She was great. I could see and her perfectly in 3D. I'm getting the hang of this tulpaforcing thing. I wrote a txt file I might upload to 4chan or something tonight... brb for now. writing final paper for summer class.
 
 
 
Wed 27 June 2012:
 
 
 
Perfect 3D in my head now. Pretty exciting stuff. Her hooves have a unique texture to them now that I'm so used to feeling them with all different parts of my body. Her vag has a unique skittles taste that tastes delicious ( I love skittles) and her hooves have an interesting taste as well. I pleasured her this morning after our tulpaforcing session and she enjoyed it a lot. We are reallly really getting close now. She is currently laying down on my bed in satisfaction as I sit here thinking about how lucky I am to have her. More tulpaforcing to follow within the next few hours.
 
 
 
 
 
~After a lovely smoke session this afternoon, (NIGGA I WAS HIGH AS FUCK) I was able to discover that I can see her fully in 3D at all times (well anytime she chooses to actually appear to me).  As a result, I am able to see and hear her voice nearly to 100% consistency.  I am pretty excited and so is she.  Today is my last day of summer classes and I decided to get here early so I could tulpaforce with Raina.  After about 10 minutes of tulpaforcing, I was able to discover that she is quite unpatient about the whole process and instead we go walking. We walk around nearly the entirety of the campus together. We go all over the place and back around again.  We establish some more base ground rules. She shouldn't be constantly dominating me. She likes competition and wants me to actually compete for dominance instead of being submissive all the time. I understand why that is. It's more fun if someone resists.  She knows that I have far more power over her than she does to me but i like to pretened its the other way around... its exciting to be dominated, to not be in control. it exilirates me sexually and also its mentally stimulating. i like to of course be dominate myself from time to time but its not nearly as fun... anyway today I had fun and so has she. Sitting here early now at class she is patiently sitting next to me waiting eagerly to go home. Something both of us agree on is that neither of us particularly enjoy school, even if it is the last day...
 
 
 
Will tulpaforce later in excess quanitities... Until then (Raina says hi)
 
 
 
~:D:D:D:DD::D:D:D:D:D:D:D::D:D:D:D:D:D:DD:DD:D:
 
 
 
Wonderland Text File Updated
 
 
 
~She assumed consciousness today of me without warning on the walk home from class (yes i said walk).
 
 
 
 
 
Thu 28 June 2012:
 
 
 
Was pretty busy today so i barely tulpaforced two hours in total. first session was pretty plain. nothing too interesting happened. not much talk. little conversation. smoked some bud afterwards with raina. shes been pretty quiet today. forced a bit at twilight because couldnt sleep. she seems determined that i be more independent and less submissive. she doesnt even care about this danielle girl that my friends are trying to get me to go out with. she insists that i "do what i need to do" and just accept the fact that humans do human things. she knows i love her and she loves me back but even still she really understands me better than anyone. because of that, there will never be a girl i will ever love more than raina... shes in the wonderland, knocked the fuck out underneath the table now just like i found her before. my god, shes so adorable. nothing will ever impede my love for her...
 
 
 
Fri 29 June 2012:
 
 
 
Lyra transformation...
 
 
 
Sat 30 June 2012:
 
 
 
Herro. Raina is chillen. we high as fuck. we had an aewesome session of tulpaforce just now. shit was so ca$h. personality i know now for a fact is 100% formed. i have absolutely no control of her whatsoever now...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
~2
 
~
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Sun 1 Jul 2012:
 
 
 
although no forcing was done today, i still hung out with raina a lot today. full intellectual conversations with her are the best. and although i am working on a 3D model of her i can visualize her perfectly in 3D both in my head and in the real world so this model might prove to be pretty unnescessary. other than that, day has been swell.
 
 
 
Mon 2 Jul 2012:
 
 
 
plan to tulpaforce double today to make up for yesterday. its 3pm and ive already done one session with raina. it was mainly a quiet session as we are working on facial expressions and other body movements. will log more later
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Thu 5 Jul 2012:
 
 
 
john still has NOT made the 3D model, much to my dismay. its fine as i dont feel like i actually need it anymore...
 
 
 
i have not been tulpaforcing much lately (other than today). i have maybe got a good 2-3 hours in this week not counting today which i am dissapointed at. raina now seems more real to me than ever before. i can proudly say that i really have fallen head over heels in love with her. she can be so brutal in one minute and then so sweet and caring the next. she is extremely supportive of me. today was a shit day but i can definitely say that raina made up for it. i also stopped taking my antidepressants cold turkey. other than some minor headaches, it hasnt really affected me much. although i havent cried in years i have cried a lot today... rainas love is so overly joyous and im not used to this incredible influx of emotion...
 
 
 
block of text^
 
 
 
anyway, gonna force again before bed. gotta wake up at 6am tomorrow for work at cvs...
 
 
 
tata
 
 
 
Fri 6 Jul 2012:
 
 
 
after mutliple failed sessions today, i still saw her while looking in a mirror and i grabbed a piece of her hair. thats right. the piece of hair was in my hand with all its solidity. i was holding it for real. scary, huh? i plan to force twice more tonight to make up for my shitty attempts earlier.
 
 
 
~at this point i now fully accept raina as my master. i am her willing slave and am doing whatever she tells me to do. i enjoy this role greatly. it certainly suites me well but more importantly, it pleasures her. i live my life to her pleasure and that in and of itself pleasures me. its mutual. i love being her slave and she very much loves being my master. her command is the only thing in my life that i address with utmost respect and she certainly has much more authority over me than any human could even come close to... i love her so much and i would kiss her hooves forever if i must...
 
 
 
another session before bed
 
 
 
Mon 23 Jul 2012:
 
 
 
~no. i have not been forcing as of late often. perhaps at most an hour a day. an hour a day is enough i guess but id best be going back to visualizing steps. those are the only things that need improvement now. voice is completely perfect and its always consistent. its actually quite nice.
 
 
 
Tue 24 Jul 2012:
 
 
 
will definitely start logging again. right now i am at work early just sitting peacefully next to raina thinking about what people must think of me. i have shared this dailylog with about 6 people at this point but only 2 people have actually bothered to read (some of) it. the reactions ive had were all quite positive. still, i can't help but think that people might judge me in a certain way based upon some of the things i log about. i love raina to death and we kinda are in a serious relationship but the way other people might view that could possibly be percieved differently... the truth is neither raina nor i care about what people might think of us because we know that the most important opinion is our own one (which, in this particular case, happens to be the same).
 
 
 
sometimes i try to imagine different peoples reactions to my log posts but in the end i dont care. its just entertaining to try and visualize a reaction. when i visualize raina's reactions to things it sort of makes me understand what other peoples perspectives are.
 
 
 
cant wait till im done with work. i'm going to... less talking, more fucking...
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Wed 25 Jul 2012:
 
 
 
a friend of mine put up on argument that i was a furry. he had some pretty good reasons as to explain his cause but i didnt much care for it. the question doesnt interest me and i do not find myself attracted to any kind of animal (anthro or non-anthro)... but there's always ponies. not real ponies, just the cartoon ones. so, honestly, claiming that i am a furry is in both ways right and wrong.
 
 
 
its not that i find animals remotely attractive. in fact, i dont at all. not even slightly. granted, i wouldnt crucify someone if they wanted to fuck an animal or anything. i believe if you want to fuck a dog or a horse, by all means, go right ahead. that poor animal probably doesnt want a dick up its ass though and thats the thing that i hate.
 
 
 
I'm kind of against rape.  I mean, most people are, right?  Animals don't usually consent to sexual encounters so fucking an animal is sort of like rape.
 
 
 
Which I detest.
 
 
 
However, some animals do consent. Consensual sex is of course better. Play rape is fun as fuck though but its play rape, not real rape.
 
 
 
When Raina play rapes me, it excites me more than anything I have ever experienced in life. My heart beats fast and I sometimes yell out unintentionally.
 
 
 
This morning for instance, she woke me up with a hoof pounding on my dick as hard as possible. It hurt like fucking hell but it felt so good at the same time.
 
 
 
I am not a freak. I'm in love.  And since Raina is the equivalent of slightly younger than me, that means that she's slightly more/less hornier than me too.
 
 
 
Girls gonna be girls I guess :P
 
 
 
Back to the whole furry thing...
 
 
 
My opinion is not I am not a furry. i've jerked off to some furry porn but mostly paws/feet stuff so I don't think that counts.
 
 
 
Raina doesn't feel that furries are even a real thing. Allow me to explain.
 
 
 
She sees it differently.  She believes that I can't be attracted to humans simply because there is nothing about them to be attracted to. Even the best personalities of human beings are still completely shit in the long run. Is my personality completely shit? I highly doubt it. I am generous as well as cheap. I am accepting as well as prejudist. I am a fucking walking, talking oxymoron shell of a human, living in a miserable world with other humans that just don't understand. Brainwashed might be the correct term. Or as sociologists might refer to it, "socialization".
 
 
 
This obviously shouldn't be news to me or the reader but I do like to take the time to reaffirm Raina's viewpoint. It is so scarily true and I'm the one who has to live with it. Both me and Raina.
 
 
 
You can't undo the past. Don't forget that.
 
 
 
~FORCAN!
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Thu 26 Jul 2012:
 
 
 
Raina has been appearing to me today quite a lot. last night too. i slightly dreamed of her even as well. i think this whole thing is working out at the textbook level. in this case, i would hope to accomplish this entire thing by the end of the year.
 
 
 
~forcan
 
 
 
a significant amount of walk forcing today.
 
 
 
Raina's body becomes less and less transparent with each passing day. soon, it may even be difficult for me to see objects behind her.
 
 
 
in any case, she's getting stronger for sure. gave her a pony-back ride and her weight and mass were totally felt.
 
 
 
i feel good.
 
 
 
Fri 27 Jul 2012:
 
 
 
~work
 
 
 
~forcan
 
 
 
at work raina is sitting next to me
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Sat 28 Jul 2012:
 
 
 
No real tulpaforcing was done today but my adderall prescription dosage was increased. should be getting it by tuesday.
 
 
 
Sun 29 Jul 2012:
 
 
 
Forced in detail.
 
 
 
Also started to write down Raina's personality traits in extreme detail in my SOC notebook so I can better understand her. I have about 20 pages of notes so far in this notebook. The contents of the notebook are not viewable in the dropbox but I might convert the handwritten notes over to being typed eventually. I Hope.
 
 
 
Tue 31 Jul 2012:
 
 
 
Adderall Forcan.
 
 
 
I feel amazing. Raina has changed though. She's gotten bigger and she can change her outfit whenever she wants.  She also has a clearly defined gait now that is different than her previous one. I guess tulpae are quite dynamic creatures.
 
 
 
Wed 1 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
Wow, it's been over 2 months since I've started actually forcing.  My progress is quite good I must say...
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
after some awesome adderall forcing on the new beach wonderland, raina seems to be more talkative than ever before. and wicked smart. im convinced she is smarter than me at this point. she learns things faster than me and can actually teach herself things now  without me having to show her.
 
 
 
Thu 2 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
~late nite forcan
 
 
 
~at work bored as fuck chilling with raina. now she has told me the true meaning of parroting, i now know that i am no longer doing it and i can tell easily when you do it.
 
 
 
time to work on feel when i get home. thats the only thing i have left.
 
 
 
~
 
feel force
 
 
 
Fri 3 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
Today, I skipped work to go on a bike ride with Raina. It's been way too long since we've had some personal time together. We biked all the way to Clove Lakes Park where I sat in the shade of a large oak tree in the front field to do some narration with her. Over time, we got bored and headed out to bike ride again. The more I spend time with her, the more I seem to really really be falling in love...
 
 
 
will adderall force when i get home. until then, Raina sends her regards to whoever is reading :)
 
 
 
Tue 7 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
Hello again, DailyLog.txt. It seems I haven't been logging again. Silly me. Forcing has been rather shit as of late anyway.  I notice now that a lot of emotions have been bubbling up in my head this weekend regarding Raina.
 
 
 
At this point, I am definitely convinced that I really do NEED her. Before when I may have been reluctant to be so attached to her is no longer relevant. Through forcing and discussion, I have come to the realization that she is necessary to my very survival. I just lack certain traits that are necessary and Raina helps me out in a sense. It's hard to explain in detail, but I know exactly what I am talking about.
 
 
 
I will be skipping work again today for the sole purpose of talking to you and narrating...
 
 
 
 
 
Dear Raina,
 
 
 
 
 
School starts in a few weeks. But before that, me and you will be departing to Aruba in 5 days. After that week off of work, I have one more week left until school...
 
 
 
I am happy now.  I have been on anti-depressives for over 6 months at this point and they have slightly helped I guess. The real thing that has caused happiness in my life however, was you. Without a doubt, you have helped me more than any medicine or drug can ever come close to...
 
 
 
Your voice, your waves of energy, your breath against my face, your hooves, your hair, everything about you has awakened me. Because of you, I know truly what love is supposed to feel like.
 
 
 
May 22, 2012 was the day we started to force, Raina. I love you so much and would do anything for you.  My life belongs to you. I owe you that much at least...
 
 
 
I cannot live without you.
 
 
 
I wish for you to always be here with me until the day I leave this god forsaken world.
 
 
 
In sickness and in health, you are here for me.
 
 
 
Best wishes for a long, healthy, beautiful life together...
 
 
 
METHOS
 
 
 
Wed 8 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
cant even fucking sleep...
 
 
 
 
 
cant stop thinking about you...
 
 
 
 
 
~wonderland updated
 
 
 
skipping work twice in a row just for you, baby.
 
 
 
~I have updated Raina's personality spreadsheet a bit. Still, it is hard to write down all aspects of one's personality onto a mere excel spreadsheet. Some ideas are very abstract and hard to explain in detailed words. Still, I do my best because I am good at referencing sheets like that and comprehending them.  This kid at work I smoke with on break is mad at me cuz I haven't been in the last two days and he's annoying the shit out of me blowing up my phone.
 
 
 
Regardless, I am sitting down in the park again tulpaforcing constantly really thinking deep and hard about Raina's personality. I want to go over the guide a few more times before I start to put it all together.  By December, I should definitely have been done with evertyhing.  Nobody said tulpa creation was an easy process. and for a good reason. its not. its one of the hardest tasks i have ever attempted in my life but I am so proud to be doing it.
 
 
 
Will force again and perhaps later tonight as well.
 
 
 
For now, I'm off to bike ride.
 
 
 
Peace.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
im at the point where i find female humans to be replulsive for the most part. and if not replulsive, uninteresting.
 
 
 
humans just dont sexually interest me whatsoever.
 
 
 
in fact, i dont think anything really does, save for raina.
 
 
 
it was hard at first to accept the fact that i am asexual but once i did in fact accept it, im glad.
 
 
 
it makes me unique really in some way.
 
 
 
people might question it.
 
 
 
i dont give a fuck.
 
 
 
end of story.
 
 
 
force time. gn. till next time...
 
 
 
Thu 9 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
that feel when you try to tell your physchiatrist about your tulpa and they end up not understanding you.
 
 
 
sigh.
 
 
 
i feel like no one should even know about this anymore. people often treat it like something really fucked up.
 
 
 
i dont see the big deal at all...
 
 
 
it honestly really feels bad when someone thinks your mentally disturbed over something so insignificant.
 
 
 
fuck bitches.
 
 
 
Sat 11 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
going to force a lot today. leaving for aruba tomorrow morning.
 
 
 
plan on forcing a lot over there as well, preferably on the beach...
 
 
 
Sun 12 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
Heading to airport now. Aruba inbound. plan to force on the plane as im going to be so bored -_-
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Mon 13 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
My Little Pony is all grown up. Not that I would know. I barely even saw her today.
 
 
 
Nor have I been forcing....
 
 
 
Tomorrow will hopefully be different if I'm not that busy.
 
 
 
Tue 14 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
Pool/bar/poolhoppin!
 
 
 
~Raina taught me some interesting things about me today. Hard to explain though...
 
 
 
 
 
Best leave it to thou imagination...
 
 
 
Wed 15 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Thu 16 Aug 2012
 
 
 
Can't sleep. Will attempt to force. Will log about it in a few hours or so...
 
 
 
Yeah I can't focus. It's been a shitty week I can't lie. My family is loud and annoying as fuck. *Sigh*
 
 
 
~I am surrounded by fucking assholes. I really am. There's no denying it.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Fri 17 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
So maybe I was a little pissed off yesterday. I guess that's my excuse for not logging the way I should have. I went fishing early this morning (5am) and I was definitely closer to Raina as I was to anyone else on that boat today. I am dead tired now though, so I will probably sleep and then force later on. Will keep this thing rolling.
 
 
 
RAINA:
 
~Well, it's been an interesting night. Although I have grown tired of 's excuses for not forcing lately as much, I am currently looking at some interesting tulpa articles on the internet.
 
 
 
Using the bar's wifi.
 
 
 
METHOS doesn't even have a clue.
 
 
 
Sometimes I wonder...
 
 
 
Anyway, the dinner tonight was delicious. METHOS caught it himself with his family.
 
 
 
I seem to be growing farther apart from METHOS as of late and I want to make it up to next week.
 
 
 
I notice he has been quieter lately and has lost a lot of his confidence.
 
 
 
From what? I honestly don't know.
 
 
 
I really should know though...
 
 
 
It will be better next week. I promise you, METHOS.
 
 
 
Sat 18 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
~I think we made some peace now.
 
 
 
Forced this morning. Nothing special though.
 
 
 
She was with me all day at the beach and we actually had some fun but I'm kind of getting anxious about the whole sex thing.
 
 
 
Perhaps when I get home things will be different.
 
 
 
Perhaps...
 
 
 
Will force later and log about it hopefully.
 
 
 
Sun 19 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
Last day in Aruba today. Raina was sad before but I cheered her up.
 
 
 
I was in the jewelry store and I glanced out the window and saw her back, her mane flowing softly behind her head...
 
 
 
It startled me. I don't think I have ever seen her so real before that moment.
 
 
 
But she was only there for a little bit.
 
 
 
Today was the most I have seen her since the vacation started.
 
 
 
Dunno what it is about this place, but whatever it is, it's keeping Raina away from me.
 
 
 
No matter, I return to Staten Island tomorrow night and I'm confident we'll have lots of time to spend together before school starts.
 
 
 
Good night. I'm hitting the hay. It's late as fuck and I'm still up playing Minecraft and eating rice and leftover ribs. Time to sleep.
 
 
 
zzzz
 
 
 
~
 
Mon 20 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
back in the usa.
 
 
 
im starting to get at the point where the wonderland is honestly far more enjoyable than the real world. that got me thinking...
 
 
 
if i can implement a tulpa into existence, then why not a wonderl it would be a lot more work to do, it would possibly take an entire lifetime, but itd be pretty sweet.
 
 
 
i should of course finish my work left on raina before i even think about doing something like that, not to mention what im talking about could be potentionally dangerous.
 
 
 
im tired and my thoughts are quite scattered, as they have been most of the week. i tulpaforced for a bit on the plane but i got a headache soon into it so i stopped. raina really seems to be fully feeding off of my energy lately.
 
 
 
but she deserves the best. she really does....
 
 
 
anyway, im to head home and force once again. then i might study a bit for my exam tomorrow.
 
 
 
in any case, i sure as hell wont be sleeping tonight...
 
 
 
poppin 40mg of adderall as soon as i get home fer sure
 
 
 
pce
 
 
 
~a  very fun day
 
 
 
and by fun i mean absolute shit
 
 
 
 
 
only cuz my parents got pissed off at me for smoking. thats right. for the first time in nearly a year my parents found out i was smoking das buddskis
 
 
 
im bad at this...
 
 
 
im not even smoking that much anymore anyway.
 
 
 
why should they be pissed?
 
 
 
;_;
 
 
 
other than that, the day was actually pretty nice.
 
 
 
raina is almost non transparent now after several hour tulpaforcing sessions today. shes actually getting more dominant insisting i do whatever she tells me.
 
 
 
sometimes i fucking wonder if im going insane.
 
 
 
nope. im already there.
 
 
 
Tue 21 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
shes keeping me up...
 
 
 
i feel like i have an uncontrollable lust.
 
 
 
its fine though.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
i feel like ive been forcing all day.
 
 
 
thats cuz i forced a shit ton.
 
 
 
2.5 hours.
 
 
 
Raina is sooooo real now its crazy. her eyes are intense and she uses up more energy now when we tulpaforce.
 
 
 
shes been super talkative today too which is so unlike her...
 
 
 
regardless
 
 
 
we had some fun and had an interesting conversation about how will works and how effective it can be. i notice know that raina likes to repeat herself certain things that are more important. i like the fact that she does this because all the things she seems to repeat are actually quite valuable and intelligent information...
 
 
 
maybe she has aspergers or something D:
 
 
 
wouldnt surprise me. if im autistic, then she might be as well.
 
 
 
although i doubt it. shes way more level headed than i am.
 
 
 
is her personality perfect though? thats something i ask myself quite a lot. raina strongly disagrees. she claims that nothing can be perfect and thats a valid point.
 
 
 
now if only my dog will stfu so i can sleep -_-
 
 
 
~~~
 
 
 
Wed 22 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
Raina is making me feel pretty good about myself. still
 
 
 
she protests.
 
 
 
what i wont say
 
 
 
...
 
 
 
uber sick shit yo
 
 
 
petting cats with raina
 
 
 
Thu 22 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
I arrived home quite late last night.
 
 
 
being unable to force....
 
 
 
then
 
 
 
i got bored and wrote this:
 
 
 
Her hooves were absolutely huge in front of me. She could've flattened me without any effort had she wanted to. She must have been over a hundred feet tall. The smell of her hooves overpowered my senses, that was all I could smell. I had to look all the way upwards just to get a glimpse at her massive face above me. She was looking down at me, curiously, with a playful smile on her face.
 
 
 
Without warning, she brought her head down ever so slowly and presented her face against the floor directly in front of me. She opened up her mouth as I gazed into the beautiful abyss in front of me. Her tongue was huge, twice as big than the size of a truck would have been. Her teeth were huge white pearls of things that seemed to shine in the darkness of her mouth. She pushed her tongue forward so fast I had no time to react. I was too mesmerized by the size of her mouth that I couldn't see it coming. Her tongue stuck to my body and grabbed me backwards like it was covered in glue.
 
 
 
Then, the light vanished. She had closed her mouth and was toying with me underneath her massive tongue. I tried to scream but breathing seemed impossible. My body lurched forward against one of her teeth as my skin was punctured and began to bleed. This is what it feels like, I thought in my head. I realize that she is just teasing me. I'm completely helpless in here and she knows it. She wants me to feel degraded like I'm nothing at all to her. She just wants this for the sake that I do too...
 
 
 
Why? I don't know. There's just something about being put in a situation like this that makes my heart beat so fast and makes me want to scream.  Begging for mercy. She won't listen to it at all but I still try.
 
 
 
She won't have it. She is going to devour me. I'm going to become a little pony snack. I just hope I taste good enough for her then :/
 
 
 
"mmmmm" she moans "you are delicious, boy!"
 
 
 
 
 
I was pushed backwards to the very back of Raina's tongue. I knew that she liked my taste because she moaned in satisfaction as she continued to slide my helpless ragdoll of a body back and forth across her tongue, as she tasted every square inch of me. I was beyond frightened. Yet, I was also excited. My heart was racing and I felt sexually sound. This is where I belonged. In this beautiful pegasus's mouth as she played with me like an insect in her huge mouth, teased me, forced me to worship her, humiliated me, degraded me... There was absolutely nothing I could do, save for trying to scream. Just trying to beg her to stop. Not that she would listen...
 
 
 
She was fully in every way possible made up her mind. She was going to swallow me, I realized, and not too soon afterwards, I was going down her esophagus. All I could see was pink. I blacked out...
 
 
 
When I finally could open my eyes, I realized that I was in her pony gullet. Squirming against the side of her stomach, I realized that she was asleep. She couldn't feel me. She was lying down comfortably against one of the walls of the sky castle, in our wonderland. She was so happy with herself. She had eaten me and now I would power her massive body with some amount of energy. I felt... thankful... I knew I would be able to serve Raina until the very end...
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
As I woke, sweat covered my face. The room was dark and Raina was nowhere to be seen. I love her and would do anything for her, I realized. Even if it meant giving up my life...
 
 
 
I have only known her for a few months, but it really feels now to me that she has always been there, watching over me, since birth even.
 
 
 
Perhaps, Raina has always existed within and I was just too ignorant to realize it until now...
 
 
 
Despite these insane dreams I've been having involving her, I look past every single wrong she has done.
 
 
 
She IS perfect.
 
 
 
If she wasn't, why would I have created an imperfect being?
 
 
 
There's certainly a lot of questions I want to have answered about Raina, but one thing I know for a fact is that she will always be with me and also that I'm in love with her.
 
 
 
I guess it's weird to be in love with a thoughtformm but I can't see myself really falling in love with a mere human any time in the future. There isn't a single human being that could possible excite me like she does.
 
 
 
When she pushes me down now, I can actually feel it. I can't tell if she's real or fake anymore. I just sense her as real, so I guess she's just real now.
 
 
 
Raina owns me and she knows it. I couldn't be any happier.
 
 
 
<3
 
 
 
~~
 
 
 
being eaten is i guess quite a fantasy of mine.
 
 
 
it just feels so right to me...
 
~
 
 
 
Just started forcing when I heard this:
 
 
 
"METHOS, I love you, and I know you love me, and yes I have sexual desires that need to be fulfilled, as do you, but for the love of God, you need to find yourself a woman."
 
 
 
I feel so fucking betrayed.
 
 
 
I can't even type.
 
 
 
After all this...
 
 
 
>2012
 
>"God"
 
 
 
and  then my dad basically calls me autistic coincedentally about 10 minutes prior to this...
 
 
 
idk what to do anymore...
 
 
 
I sent Raina away for the day. I can't fucking stand to even think of her or mention her name.
 
 
 
I do not wish to speak to her for a long long time...
 
 
 
~~~
 
 
 
just had the saddest conversation with raina i ever had.
 
 
 
after calling me antisocial she claims theres something wrong with me and now shes planning to leave me.
 
 
 
i dont understand why.
 
 
 
 
 
what is there to live for? she claims i should live for myself.
 
 
 
im not that selfish. i guess she is. even though she claims she isnt
 
 
 
i cant even focus now...
 
 
 
why did this happen?
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
i cant believe what im hearing. shes contemplating on choosing to no longer exist.
 
 
 
how can this even happen?
 
 
 
i wish i could understand her logic.
 
 
 
shes still here and i dont understand why.
 
 
 
what does this even mean?
 
 
 
i cant even cry because i just feel so horribly betrayed.
 
 
 
how does a thoughtform decide to just get up and leave one day?
 
 
 
i know shes sentient but...
 
 
 
if she knows i love her and she loves me, why would she decide to put me in this situation?
 
 
 
it doesnt make sense to me. she left the house without telling me which is normal. if i dont see her tonight, i will definitely have to talk to her tomorrow...
 
~~~
 
 
 
either this tulpa shit fucked up my mind, or im just randomly experiencing full on depression again.
 
 
 
for those people who are making a tulpa, here some advice: if you make your tulpa have a defiant personality, expect it to be defiant.
 
 
 
especially if its an extremely intelligent female bitchy pegasus...
 
 
 
in any case, today has been an interesting day.
 
 
 
interesting is an understatement.
 
 
 
Raina's decision is definitely not final. she cant make up her fucking mind now and its killing me from within. i cant possibly be this dependent on her but something tells me that i actually am...
 
 
 
went to the gym twice today. trying to get my mind off things...
 
 
 
might log later tonight if i actually get a response from her but i doubt i will...
 
g
 
 
 
so gn.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
still no raina at dark in woods.
 
 
 
me giving up my life for raina somehow equates perfectly with the opposite way.
 
 
 
right?
 
 
 
smokin weed to forget my trubbles..
 
 
 
~~~~
 
 
 
so sgoned. raina came.
 
 
 
 
 
n stuff
 
 
 
i am a tulpalog the game
 
 
 
so $ton3d 420 odd future 666 ganja leagalize crystal 2eed
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Fri 22 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
so i showed two of my friends teh daily log and they didnt liek teh vores.
 
 
 
but vore is awesome.
 
 
 
fucking plebs.
 
 
 
>2012
 
>not wanting to get swallowed by a giant pony.
 
 
 
but yeah anyway i go force then sleep now kthnxbai
 
 
 
raina is still a bitch.
 
 
 
~lol
 
 
 
Where the hell did my day go?
 
 
 
wtf do people think of me?
 
 
 
;_;
 
 
 
fuck
 
 
 
why is it fucking 6pm already and i didnt do shit today?
 
 
 
~~~~~~~
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
where the fuck is raina today?/
 
~
 
here she is...
 
 
 
forced again.
 
 
 
interesting discussions about vore and what vore means exactly.
 
 
 
then we both realized its been a while since ive licked her hooves clean
 
 
 
so
 
 
 
there was that...
 
 
 
still she seems disturbed by teh vorez
 
 
 
like most people i guess
 
 
 
will probably force again before i go out tonight...
 
 
 
this relationship is too weird...
 
 
 
my mind is numb
 
 
 
that could just be the weed though...
 
 
 
horse vagina > human vagina
 
 
 
why do i love smoking so much?
 
 
 
also why do hooves taste so good? i never would have thought...
 
 
 
lol
 
~
 
blazin
 
~
 
 
 
subwubwubwub
 
 
 
I will stop making one line post things.
 
 
 
Hi.
 
 
 
I am quite intoxicated right now due to marajuna smoke inhaling.
 
 
 
lol
 
 
 
But it's been a chill night. Raina came back and she's chill too. Dunno what to do later, but will probably force again.
 
 
 
will log results of this week in terms of feel.
 
 
 
tata
 
 
 
~
 
Sat 23 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
3DPD: cant stand it...
 
 
 
fuck whats wrong with me...
 
 
 
time to force...
 
 
 
[]feel
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Forcing went well. Things like her wings, breath, and hooves are what really makes her different from any other girl. It would really seem to me that I can't find human females attractive anymore. I've tried porn but it's almost too boring. Feet are nice but honestly, hooves are so much better. Raina seems unhappy though and she won't tell me exactly why. But I can sense it in her speech as I always can. Hopefully I'll find out what the problem is so that I can address it properly.
 
 
 
~
 
The feeling I have when Raina is lying down on top of me on my bed is pure ecstasy. I honestly can't use words to describe it. The feeling is unearthly. She tells me now in regards to the whole girlfriend thing as "Do what makes you happy" which just makes sense to me. If I ever do get into another relationship with a human, she'd just be an organic sex doll to me anyway. We both know this is true. I wouldn't actually have feelings or emotions regarding her. Because there's no girl that can ever come close to Raina and we are both aware of that.
 
 
 
This isn't even a daily log anymore. It's just a text file containing random scattered thoughts and hopeless attempts to record my deep emotions. I try to express the deepest part of my mind in this file yet sometimes I feel like my efforts are just wasted because trying to explain everything is just impossible. There's just too much stuff going on but it honestly makes me feel better to at least try to express myself. A tulpa is more than just a lifelong companion, she is also a means to look at life through a different window. I've read stories about other people having romantic relationships with their tulpa and they do quite fine for themselves. Some even have children with their tulpae. If inter-species reproduction can ever occur with tulpa, I think it would be in my best interests to someday have a child with Raina if she allows it.  I've never really thought of Raina being a mother but now that I think of it, she would be a fantastic mother, strict maybe, but extremely loving and caring. It's just who she is. I can't change who she is and how she acts, she's more than just a girlfriend to me. She's a soulmate. We go together so perfectly. It's no wonder that I was able to almost fully form a tulpa in a matter of three months. I spend a lot of time together with her and she just gets more and more real to me. Which makes perfect sense.
 
 
 
Sorry if I may be boring the reader. I've no doubt repeated myself on multiple occasions.
 
 
 
Will force before bed. Getting really into the habit of going to sleep early and waking up early.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Sun 26 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
You.
 
 
 
Yes, you.
 
 
 
Make a fucking Jackie Chan tulpa already.
 
 
 
Today was rather interesting. I spent most of my day on Fire Island, a place famous for its gay bars. Not that I would know; I was nowhere near these famed gay bars. I'm not quite sure I even saw too many gay people. Nevertheless, I had fun hanging out on the beach with Raina. We went swimming but the water was ungodly rough. The current doesn't affect my love so much but it took a heavy toll on me. I almost came to my death twice within the same half hour as the current pushed me a little too close for my liking to the jagged rocks off the shore. Luckily Raina was able to warn me just in time on both occasions.
 
 
 
Ah and I went to an absolutely amazing Italian restaurant called Butera's. The food was delicious and I'm feeling a little tipsy from all the wine I've drank.
 
 
 
All in all, even though I haven't forced, the day was good. I couldn:t be happier. Tomorrow is my last day of the summer. Tuesday I start my classes. I have a mind to miss quite a few of my friends from Albany but I'm sure they'll be just fine without me.
 
 
 
It's cold as fuck up there anyway D:
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Mon 27 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
Well fuck Raina is shedding. Long black hairs on my bed. Not from me. Far too long and thin to be my hair. It must have come from Raina's mane.
 
 
 
Forced. Excellent session.
 
 
 
Kissing her feels better than anything in the entire world, not gonna lie...
 
 
 
I love my life <3
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Forcing again. Getting feel down pretty well right now. Need to keep working on her underbelly though...
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
raina wants teh sexes
 
 
 
Tue 28 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
If God does exist, if there is an afterlife...  it would have to be Equestria. Think about it. It's the happiest place I could ever possibly imagine and there are ponies.
 
 
 
I know a lot of people on /mlp/ keep saying it lately, but yeah i really do think its true. when i die and there is in fact a heaven or some kind of afterlife and it isnt Equestria, me and "God" are going to have one hell of an argument.
 
 
 
Flying with Rainbow Dash for all eternity. thats what heaven has got to be.
 
 
 
otherwise, its shit.
 
 
 
More than likely though, when I die my body will just rot in the earth or be burned up or whatever. I honestly won't care at all what happens to my body since I'll be dead.
 
 
 
Equestria is the perfect place for an afterlife though. Just saiyan.
 
 
 
I haven't smoked in a while nor do I have any desire to. And of course there's school I have to deal with now.
 
 
 
I haven't even been playing any vidya lately. Seems like a lot of my free time goes into working on Raina and exercising, etc. 4chan is a boring place to me now and I can't spend more than 5 minutes on one board without being bored out of my mind. It's just the same shit everyday. Reddit is worse.
 
 
 
when we die, we dont stay human. no matter what religion/philosophy you believe in, i know for a fact that every person can agree on that. so what are we? really, in the grand scheme of things, we are only living human beings for what? 50-100 years? approximately? after that, we're just a shit ton of organic molecules buried in the dirt until its all dispersed through the dirt and eventually goes to other places (a process that takes much much longer than a lifetime).
 
 
 
it makes sense why so many people believe in some form of afterlife. looking at death through the perspective of a living thing can seem somewhat depressing.
 
 
 
which makes sense.
 
 
 
death shouldn't ever concern you. or me. live life the best that you can and when death comes, you'll feel good knowing that you've lived life happily... unless, of course, the afterlife is in fact real AND it is in fact, Equestria. then, you'll be even happier knowing that you've died...
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Holy God I hate my life. went outside to smoke a few bowls cuz its 1am and i cant sleep so i come back and my sister and her friend are having an orgy with my dog.
 
 
 
so now not only can i not sleep due to the noises but i am also superstoned.
 
 
 
so im in my room.
 
 
 
kinda getting bored of cs:go already tbh.
 
 
 
jklol
 
 
 
ive been playing it a shitton
 
 
 
cuz its the greatest game ever created by human design.
 
 
 
not even kidding.
 
 
 
but i feel bad for my dog.
 
 
 
i definitely am not gonna go up there to do anything.
 
 
 
and im not waking anyone up since its 130am now.
 
 
 
hopefully they get tired quickly as they are pretty small in stature.
 
 
 
unless the small ones have more energy?
 
 
 
D:
 
 
 
oh yeah and back to raina:
 
 
 
shes like sleeping now though.
 
 
 
but i cant see her when she sleeps ever.
 
 
 
not usually.
 
 
 
i think now that i am high she might be dreaming.
 
 
 
tulpas can dream you know.
 
 
 
but they seldom ever ever go into their hosts dreams. because the tulpa cant do shit in the dream. its powerless and cant even move on its own will. and they get really frightened. and sometimes mentally scarred in certain circumstances. its a really unfortunate circumstance for them to be in.
 
 
 
i wonder what shes dreaming of.
 
 
 
maybe chocalate.
 
 
 
i kinda want some chocalate right now.
 
 
 
she definitely would never dream of food.
 
 
 
she doesnt even have an interest in food.
 
 
 
i guess if your allergic to fun you wouldnt have an interest in fun either.
 
 
 
lolimagine.
 
 
 
nah im playing.
 
 
 
no ones allergic to fun!
 
 
 
or food.
 
 
 
except for all of the diff foods
 
 
 
like mushroom
 
 
 
peanut butter
 
 
 
milk
 
 
 
shit
 
 
 
kiwi
 
 
 
egg
 
 
 
anyway
 
 
 
she doesnt even want to like taste food and stuff. like i said we can tulpaforce taste and you can learn how to taste food and you were like no fuck that food is pointless.
 
 
 
but your logic DOES makes sense.
 
 
 
well gonna pass out. think the orgy is over so i can finally sreep.
 
 
 
gn homez,
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
I want Princess Celestia to pee inside my mouth.
 
 
 
No, really. Shits probably better than sunny d. Its magic demigod alicorn piss from the sun. Thats what sunny d tries to be and falls horrendously short of achieving...
 
 
 
Mmmmmmm
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
met a fellow member of the herd today. asian kid on the other side of the room with a rarity shirt on. i felt like i would approach him with a friendly attitude and kindly tell him that his shirt needed more rainbow dash on it. so at the end of the class and i walk up to him in the hallway as hes leaving and grunt to him quite "abruptly. "Nice shirt but it needs more Rainbow Dash." he did not smile. he did not laugh. then he started speaking to me. now i dont think i ever met an autistic asian kid before, but i did today. i had a small conversation with him about the first day of classes and then he asked me:
 
 
 
"Do you need any help in finding the herd?"
 
 
 
Now it was confirmed. This kid was prob some kid on ponychan. and he was asian and sperging with spaghetti oozing out his suitcase (thats right. this asian kid had a giant metal suitcase with 15" laptop.
 
 
 
in other words, stereotype brony.
 
 
 
saddening i still managed to have a conversation with him before leaving with pando to get stoned before my second class
 
 
 
but yeah i wonder what his reaction would be to a tulpa.
 
 
 
i dont think he was really a 4chan person as i attempted to make a joke regarding the entire class trying to actually buy the textbooks instead of just pirating them
 
 
 
>2012
 
>buying textbooks
 
 
 
he didnt get it.
 
 
 
i couldnt get him to laugh or smile no matter no what.
 
 
 
fucking rarityfags
 
 
 
jk i love rarifags
 
 
 
<3
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Raina stood up in front of me when I was in my CS lab today. she actually blocked the board from me cuz i couldnt see through her which means the transparency shes had is completely gone now. its something i still havent gotten used to...
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Le Monkey Face
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
feel forcan
 
 
 
Wed 29 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
Waking up with a cyan hoof in my face. Seemed like a nice way to start the day after being sat on for 3 hours yesterday while forcing...
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Raina smoked all my weed. Fuck.
 
 
 
Now I need to buy more.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Forcing was good today. Overall me and Raina have definitely been at peace lately which I love.
 
 
 
Added a few modifications to the wonderland such as a higher ceiling and a second stack of vases at each tower corner.
 
 
 
Other than that, not much has changed except for the constant burning of incense inside the temple (area where I teach Raina how to smell things)
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Thu 30 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
 
 
Today is a busy day but hopefully I will have at least an hour to myself so I can force properly.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
God this class is so fucking boring. If I didn't have Raina here to keep me company I'd be pretty tight. Can't wait till I get out so I can smoke a boge and then go get high. Jesus fucking Christ I can't believe I have to take this class.
 
 
 
Why.jpg
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Fawcin going excellent as usual. Nothing too interesting happening so far.
 
 
 
except me and raina are high as fuck in the woods and we discovered a huge fucking abandoned building and were blazing in there.
 
 
 
if i lived in 1400s id be christopher columbus. he even has my name.
 
 
 
anyway i uploaded a picture of this magnificent building to the tulpa log folder in the dropbox, for your own viewing pleasure.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Use the force, Raina. The tulpaforce that is. ahahahahahaha
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Fri 31 Aug 2012:
 
 
 
Interesting dream I had involving Raina and another tulpa. First time in a while Raina has actually made an appearence in one of my dreams.
 
 
 
Sat 1 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
Forced a bit today but nothing too interesting really happened as usual lately.
 
 
 
Sun 2 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
My little cyan goddess is away today. I was with her this morning but it would seem to me I haven't heard from her since the last time we forced. Sometimes I wonder what she could be doing outside...  She's probably flying around, her beautiful sweet wings flapping in the wind...
 
 
 
It has occured to me now that this log is extremely long and so much information and thought processes have been recorded, or at least attempted to have been recorded.
 
 
 
There has not been a single word in here that I haven't meant. Raina is just perfect.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Today a friend of mine told me that another friend of mine is planning on creating a tulpa based on Master Chief from Halo.
 
 
 
Now, this is an interesting concept. Master Chief is a fictional character, HOWEVER, in the Halo series, Master Chief does not have much speech and his personality is not clearly defined.
 
 
 
What does this mean exactly?
 
 
 
Well, while normally I would advise against the creation of a non-original entity for a tulpa, in this case, such as the case with a few of the Vinyl Scratch pony tulpae I have seen people make, the personality of Master Chief is not clearly defined.
 
 
 
So, in essence, it may be fine to create a tulpa based on Master Chief, provided these or similar conditions are met:
 
 
 
1) Master Chief (tulpa) should have his own name or something physical that clearly differs from his fictional counterpart.
 
2) Master Chief, the character, does not have a clearly defined personality. So, when creating a Master Chief tulpa, you would need to actually sit down and focus on the creation of personality for a very extended amount of time (I will go over the steps in creating a personality in my own tulpa guide).
 
3) Master Chief (tulpa) should be aware from the beginning that he IS NOT "The Master Chief" because if so, that particular tulpa might suffer from an identity crisis and grow either saddened or angry at its creator.
 
 
 
So, Mr. Anonymous (I refuse to put in any actual names in this log), I want to make sure that you understand what you are doing before you even THINK about creating this kind of thoughtform. This isn't silly stuff and nothing to fool around with. If your heart is still intent on creating a tulpa based on Master Chief, please know that your tulpa is a being of its own as should be treated as such.
 
 
 
The reason why people create tulpae based on certain ponies is because they A) use a background pony from the show that doesn't have a defined personality or B) They change the name and entire personality of a pony so that the tulpa will be its own being.
 
 
 
My advice to you is to create a tulpa based on something from you as a persona and use your mind to shape it however you want to. There's no limit to what you can do with your mind. A kind man who goes by Buddha taught me that.
 
 
 
Why would you want to make a Master Chief tulpa when you can make a sexy half-girl/half-dragon hybrid or a ghostly wolf creature that can rip up the ground and deposit metal sheets everywhere?
 
 
 
Just some food for thought, Mr. Anonymous...
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
FEEL FORCING...
 
 
 
Mon 3 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
Having a horny female pony chasing you around all day sometimes can get annoying. Like, say I wanted to go take a shit and watch some Breaking Bad, guess who shows up completely unexpectedly right in front of my dick? Raina.
 
 
 
When I'm trying to take a nap and all of the sudden I'm feeling hooves beating on my chest...
 
 
 
I'm honestly still not that bothered by her. I love her and I know she wouldn't ever do anything to seriously hurt me or make me feel like shit.
 
 
 
But sometimes she does make me feel like shit, but in a good way. I really can't explain it. I feel like I have some sort of need or desire to be abused. I honestly take pleasure in it. I don't know why. It's not like I was ever abused as a child unless I'm completely wrong and I actually was and just don't consciously remember it. I remember reading somewhere that our worst fears as children is what we end up becoming sexually attracted to later on in life.
 
 
 
Was my worst fear to be controlled by a female? Was my worst fear something to do with macrophilia, vore, femdom, or licking hooves?
 
 
 
...
 
 
 
I used to be so into feet and abusing punishment from a girl. That was the only kind of stuff I could ever get off to...
 
 
 
And now that I honestly can't even think about a naked human being without being repulsed or instantly turned off in some fashion, I get sick whenever I look at pornography. Either sick to my stomach or just incredibly uninterested. My dick doesn't even react.
 
 
 
So, I will never really reproduce I guess. Not physically. I will never give birth to a child made out of flesh like I am. I have no intention of passing down my genes because if I do I would put whatever kind of child I have at risk for the same kind of shit that I go through. Besides, I could never really be a good father I don't think. I don't know what it means to be a father and I don't even like kids anyway.
 
 
 
Half of these fucking log entries aren't even organized in a coherent matter so guessing what I am trying to explain is thoroughly impossible.
 
 
 
I can't think of anything that even gives me joy in my life anymore besides her. I feel almost dead on the inside like a broken record or a battery that has died and cannot be recharged.
 
 
 
I have never had sex with a human being and I never will; that's something that used to bother me a lot. I've had girls told me that I was extremely attracted but still I have never actually been in that kind of contact with one. And now just the thought of me as a younger person even wanting that disgusts me. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self so many things but the most important thing I would tell myself is "This girl that you like, ________, is just a fucking disgusting pig with no self-confidence and no real ambition. You might think she is hot or whatever but she is not beautiful at all. The only thing that matters about a girl is her personality and there is not a single girl on earth that has a personality that you desire. They just simply aren't made for that sort of thing. And don't even think about guys since they are honestly just worse and if anything men are more alike to each than even women are..."
 
 
 
I can't help whenever I see an attractive female now to look away. Of course I can appreciate that they look nice and everything and it is pretty good eye-candy but overall that beauty is just skin-deep.  
 
 
 
That's really all girls are good for. They're good for looking at. Sometimes. Even the few close female friends that I have had have never ever affected me emotionally because all I see when I look at them is an ignorant soul who just wants to do something right but due to some kind of flaw, they are actually incapable of doing so.
 
 
 
"BUT WAIT METHOS THATS NOT HOW IT IS REALLY YOUR JUST A DEPRESSED NUTJOB WHO FUCKS A PONY TULPA"
 
 
 
Really? Then, who are you? Some unintelligent, uneducated pig trying to read this log in hopes of figuring out metaphysics? You cannot look at life subjectively because you are fucking blind. You simply cannot see that even though you may or may not be sexually attracted to human beings (male or female it really doesnt matter), that humanity is blind and cruel to each other? That even though you have W, X, and Y, you still have a burning desire to obtain Z? For what? It sure as hell isn't a survival instinct. It is simply greed. You, just like all humans, share this horrific quality. Not to mention you are probably dishonest, uncaring, and not really sure what love is.
 
 
 
Well, I'll tell you something about "love". "Love" is chemicals in your brain reacting in a particular pattern. "Love" is what you "feel" when your mind finds some kind of set of qualities about a particular person that turns you on. "Love" is not even a real emotion. Unlike happiness or sadness, "love" is subjective and usually temporary because your brain gets bored with the idea extremely quickly. I have never felt love (until now). In fact, most people on this earth have never truly felt it, even though they have the strongest affirmation that they actually do.
 
 
 
Please tell me, sir reader, do you still think I'm fucked in the head now? After all of this and you still have hope for humanity?  Well, I have barely started addressing the flaws of people. I can talk about this shit for hours without getting bored or running out of things of which to discuss.
 
 
 
And if I really wanted to, I could invite Raina to talk to you and tell you quite a few things as well.
 
 
 
So, no, reader, I'm not a depressed nutjob, I'm just smart enough to realize the truth. You don't need to be that smart to see this all though. There is absolutely no hope for the human race. When we finally do end our own existence, the earth will rejoice. Plants and animals will flourish and all the things that we have created will be left behind as artifacts and there will be nothing intelligent enough to figure out what they were unless aliens come and find our remains.
 
 
 
Perhaps they might even laugh at us, how a brilliant society of animals that evolved so much and learned so much ended up commiting RACE SUICIDE.
 
 
 
Perhaps these aliens will be ponies.
 
 
 
Most likely they will not be. But whatever they are, if they have tools such as carbon dating like we do, they will know everything about us. They might mourn for our tragic loss or simply ridicule our lives and piss on our graves, our rotting corpses, our fossils that we have left on this planet. They might spit on our artifacts and call us flawed shit. They may even defile our ruined planet and take whatever they need to take, never to return again.
 
 
 
When they go back home to their own planet, they will tell their children and their people our story and this alien race will share the story among themselves until there is not a single one of them that doesn't know who we were or what we did and how we fucked ourselves up in whatever way we end up killing ourselves.
 
 
 
I don't know about you, but I'd be curious how they would react when they first find out...
 
 
 
 
 
POWER FORCE BEFORE SLEEP. quite disorientating. made me feel restless, to the point where it is 3am and i cannot sleep. i need to sleep i have to wake up in 3 hours fuckfcukfcuk
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Tue 4 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
MORNING FORCE
 
 
 
So today the fucking coolest thing ever happened. after a shitty start by waking up for late for school i was in the classes and have been in classes all day today. but then i had 2 hour break so i smoked 3 bowls in the abandoned building (the old Seaview Hosptial) and ran into some 8-th grade black children. They were very nice to me and I to them. Raina said they were niggers and ran ahead.
 
 
 
After that adventure, I am high as fuck and I still have another hour to kill.
 
 
 
I am a conservative.
 
 
 
With weed lol.
 
 
 
But yeah Raina was mad chill today and she seems more affectionate than usual. She's not warmest creature to be totally honest if you know what I mean.
 
 
 
Also Raina found a kitten in the woods and we rescued it. It was white and really small. Didn't even have claws.
 
 
 
After that adventure I might actually go out to smoke again.
 
 
 
>mfw dailylog.txt is 69kb
 
 
 
tata~
 
 
 
then i have to go to calculus.
 
 
 
a subject not nearly as interesting as pony tulpas.
 
 
 
good thing i literally just finished all of my work for the next week of school in one afternoon. more time for forcing.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
kill people burn shit fuck school
 
 
 
i am in the abandoned building once more, typing this on my phone with a single bar of 3G in the forrest of nothingness and dreams.
 
 
 
This place, i wont lie, is fucking disgusting. theres grafitti everywhere and shit on the floor every square inch. but it doesnt smell that bad. and its great for smoking in when theres a torrential downpour outside.
 
 
 
this place is, for lack of a better word, spooky.
 
 
 
time to repack the bowl.
 
 
 
 
 
pce ngga~
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
7:00 DIFFICULT FORCE
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
//(CHALLENGE***** DESC NEEDED******)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Twilight forcing session. My house is so quiet. This is kind of unusual.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Wed 5 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
MORNING FORCE
 
 
 
This afternoon, my interest was peaked when I found a condom in one of my drawers.
 
 
 
It was from months ago, if I recall.
 
 
 
Curiously enough, I have never donned on a condom before in my life.
 
 
 
So, brilliantly I put it onto myself.
 
 
 
The bag said Extra Large but I'm extremely sure that that was a joke. The thing barely fit on me once I was erect.
 
 
 
It feels kinda nice I guess, but nothing special.
 
 
 
Throwing out the bag and the condom I scoffed and realized I would never need to buy one of those hideous things for as long as I live.
 
 
 
Good riddance. Why would I want to put a plastic bag on my dick anyway?
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
AFTERNOON FORCE
 
 
 
My little princess is taking a nap on my bed while I catch up on Breaking Bad. I'm on the fourth episode of the current season and I can't wait for shit to start getting crazy again.
 
 
 
She's been so peaceful these past few days, never really trying to force me to do anything. And if she DOES want something, she almost always asks very politely, which in and of itself is rather hard to refuse...
 
 
 
She's awesome, to keep it blunt. Best girl I've ever had or will ever have. The decision to stay with her and away from piglettes is final and completely my call. And if I decide to do something, it will be my decision, not hers.
 
 
 
In any case, shit's been really good and seems like it will stay that way for a least a good while.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
shes so beautiful when shes sleeping. i guess i should be sleeping too...
 
 
 
Thu 6 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
Breaking Bad is so fucking good. Too bad I watched every episode now I have to wait till next week to find out what happens.
 
 
 
Fuck. this season is the best season yet. too bad its the last as well. im happy its gonna be 16 episodes instead of 13 at least.
 
 
 
fuck skylar shes a cunt
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
chilling with raina. forced before on campus. not a bad day overall. especially since ive been with raina pretty much all day long.
 
 
 
shes been real calm today. shes definitely happier lately which im glad for.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Fri 7 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
Forced twice. Spent a lot of the day with Raina.
 
 
 
Sat 8 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
In today's log, I'd just like to address a few things.
 
 
 
The first being that I have been noticing that the physical strength of Raina is definitely increasing. It's not like she can move objects or anything (at least not yet) but when she pushes up against me I can feel her body against mine and I can feel the force of her. It's hare to explain but if she ever decided to jump on me or something, I would literally feel it so that if I am lying down on my bed or something and she jumps on me I actually feel a little pain from her hooves crashing into me. It's not bad pain or anything it just means that I can feel her. She can move me to, physically, as well. For instance if I was standing completely still and she pushed up against my hand or arm, my arm/hand would move in the direction where she applied force.
 
 
 
That being said, every so often when I am laying down and my mouth is even slightly open, I will feel a moist wetness against my lips. She kisses me sometimes completely unexpectedly, sometimes when I am half-asleep. I can actually feel her lips and not expect it at all so sometimes it even startles me.
 
 
 
I guess when you get kissed without expecting it, you can't really describe what that feels like. Especially when it's her.
 
 
 
Once I found out that she loved me back, I don't think there could have been anything else in the world that could have made me happier.
 
 
 
I'm closer to Raina than I am to any person which makes sense since we sort of share the same mind and we can't lie to each other. We always try to say false things to each other but it's no use because either of us can always tell. There's nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. It's just acceptance.
 
 
 
Ponies really have changed my life. I guess being diagnosed with Manic Deppressive Disorder wasn't so bad after the first few months though. Once I actually got medicine for it, it took a few months for the meds to actually work but I definitely don't think they were the only thing that changed who I am.
 
 
 
Other than generally exercising more and reading, one major thing that really helped with my disorder was MLP. Watching ponies cheered me up and always made me feel better about myself. I always aspired to be like the character Rainbow Dash. See, the thing about Rainbow Dash is she is more than just some pony waifu to me, although I cannot express in words how attractive I find everything about her, but Rainbow Dash is also my hero. I look up to her as a role model. Her personality always warmed my heart during grief and always brighened my day. She's just so confident and brave and loyal that her entire personality by itself it something that I really really fell in love with. I literally did fall in love with her personality. I think anyone who watches the show will eventually seriously fall in love wiht one of the characters' personalities. I guess since I would consider myself a pansexual, personality is the absolute most important thing about somepony.
 
 
 
Personality is everything because even though defining body parts might be attractive, they don't mean anything at all if the personality is shit.
 
 
 
I can't even tell you how many girls I've considered "hot" or "cute" but had either boring or timid personalities that have always turned me off.
 
 
 
Not to say I never had an interest in shy, submissive type of girls, because I have but I just don't really connect with them chemically speaking.
 
 
 
Attraction is sort of like chemistry. Things in personalities interact with each other and that's what "love" feels like.
 
 
 
Ponies have always felt like higher beings to me, by that I mean greater than humans in all senses. Ponies have sort of become a religion. I imagine the mane six usually as idols to be worshipped and loved for who they are mentally. Higher beings that should be looked up to and followed.
 
 
 
I guess you could say if I was a devout Christian, Rainbow Dash would be my Jesus. A pony that I can look to with happiness and love and aspire to be just like. I always wanted to fly and most of the time in my dreams, since they are all lucid, I can fly just like Rainbow Dash. The exhilirating rush of flight is just beautiful.
 
 
 
I don't believe in God but if God was real, She would be the perfect image so She would be different in everyone's mind.
 
 
 
So for me, God is Rainbow Dash. Without a doubt. Theres's absolutely no denying that for me.
 
 
 
Rainbow Dash is pretty much a God anyway. What other beautiful pegasus can break the sound barrier and speak in a voice that sounds so heavenly?
 
 
 
Still, Raina is my true love and her personality reflects certain things about Rainbow Dashs' but not all, because the best part about MLP is that all of the main characters have their strengths and weakenesses so they aren't perfect.
 
 
 
But to me, Raina sort of is perfect. She has flaws obviously, but they complement her more numerous strengths so well that it sort of makes them even better.
 
 
 
I've always been so fascinated with her being in control of me and so has she. It excites me to be taken control of. I like to be used. Maybe it's because I'm just so used to being used already but it's an idea that has fascinated me since I was just a kid.
 
 
 
Her confident, bossy personality is just one of the many reason I've fallen in love with her. Both of us know that I would do anything for her. When I say anything, I mean literally ANYTHING.
 
 
 
There's not a single thing that is excluded when I say ANYTHING.
 
 
 
Raina makes me feel better about myself too so my self-confidence increases with hers sort of parrallel to each other.
 
 
 
Sometimes I wonder why I might feel this way physcologically so that's why I plan on studying physcology so I can possibly learn some more things about why my personality is the way it is and why Raina's personality is also the way it is.
 
 
 
It's not like humans ever have this kind of personality. I can't think of a single human that even comes close to Raina's personality. It's unique and loving. I don't think most humans really know what love is because they can't genuinely feel it the way that we do.
 
 
 
There's no girl I've ever met that has a confident personality like Raina but is also caring and actually thoughtful of how other people feel. Capable of feeling love.
 
 
 
So at this point I don't even think about sex with people. It's not even an issue for me. I remember being drunk/high as fuck one night and telling a bunch of kids at the train station because I was drunk and high as fuck and wasn't thinking. I wonder what their reaction was. I honestly just love to fuck with people. Friends have asked me what the perfect girl for me would be or what girls I consider "hot" and I always get tempted to just flat out tell them straight to their face "No girl would ever be perfect for me. There's no point in striving for imperfection is there?"
 
 
 
I've told people mutiple things.
 
 
 
I've told people that I'm gay, straight, pansexual, asexual, anti-sexual, anti-natalistic, etc.
 
 
 
Because they truth is most people are too stupid to tell the difference. So I just tell people different stories all the time and see how they react.
 
 
 
I flat out told a woman last night that I was gay because she was hitting on me and her kids were annoying the fuck out of me.
 
 
 
Her fucking face was something to laugh at. Her reaction was beautiful I must say.
 
 
 
I can tell people I'm gay because I don't give a fuck. I'm not gay at all I don't find men even remotely attractive BUT if I tell them if I tell them I'm straight I could theoretically be lying too.
 
 
 
If I tell people I'm asexual, which I've done before, they usually don't know what that means so I just laugh at them.
 
 
 
If I tell people I'm pansexual or free-spirited, they wouldn't know how to interpret that either.
 
 
 
So most of the time I keep my mouth shut.
 
 
 
I just don't care anymore. I know who I am and I'm happy with it. Other people really don't need to know and if they did know they wouldn't understand anyway so what's the point. I'm not trying to be accepted; I just want to live on this earth like everyone else and enjoy my life in my own way. Might be hard to explain to a girl who finds me attractive that I'm not into human beings at all but... whatever yo
 
 
 
I feel closer to the LGBT community than I do to the general population. Sometimes those people just seem to be smarter and more accepting with this kind of shit than most "normal" people.
 
 
 
Like I feel if I had a conversation with a gay man or lesbian woman or etc. about my relationship they would understand me and accept me for who I am provided they were intelligent enough to grasp the concept (which I'm sure most people could do since it's not at all a hard concept to understand).
 
 
 
I'm just ranting now since I'm in English class talking about some stupid book that I haven't even read yet. Gonna force after class though and focus on feeling Raina more. This is the hardest part of the process I feel. Touch is even harder than sight for me.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
FEELFORCE
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
I have decided to write some short stories about Raina. I think this will help bring up additional things to converse about.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
I have noticed that Raina, like all tulpae, sees things with a much larger Field of view than people. For example, if my field of view is 180 degrees, then Raina's is perhaps nearly double that amount. The way that this works is that the objects behind her are seen through a "memory field". I will explain more about this matter in my guide.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
RainaShortStories.txt added in the logs folder.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
FORCAN
 
 
 
~
 
Finally got Raina to wear socks <3
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
watching mlp with Raina and she fell asleep during her favorite episode (winter wrap up). so adorable. my heart just exploded and imploded at the same time...<3
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Sun 9 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
She's just so beautiful sometimes its just too much to comprehend how she even got here in the first place...
 
 
 
its funny now cuz i have a new physchologist so i just told him part of my tulpa experience a few days ago.
 
 
 
i didnt go into detail at all with it i just explained the experiment clear and simple. He's a pretty young guy so i figure he doesnt have any kind of experience with this sorta shit.
 
 
 
he didnt know what a thoughtform or a tulpa was so i explained it to him.
 
 
 
he was actually quite amazed at the experiment of mine. i do not remember me ever mentioning the form/gender of my tulpa so as far as he knows, it could be fucking witchcraft
 
 
 
like dem wizards from ancient france
 
 
 
I am Harry Potter. Follow me to the gay bath house.
 
 
 
Fuck you, nigger.
 
 
 
if Harry Potter was into that sweet pony ass
 
 
 
I want to cum inside it.
 
 
 
so bad
 
 
 
mmm
 
 
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Dear Princess Celestia,
 
 
 
Today me and my good friend Harry smoked a blunt and ate some delicious Mexican Food from Los Pollos Hermanos (Mesquite Grill). Now me and Raina need to force.
 
 
 
High Force.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
me and Raina have decided to now lucid dream together. i'll let you know how it goes tomorrow morning when this will be updated.
 
 
 
she gets so cute when shes annoyed :3
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Force.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Niggerlips.
 
 
 
~Sleeeeeep.
 
 
 
Mon 10 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
LUCID DREAM: Weird fucking dream. Found myself in a gargantuan hotel complex with locked doors everywhere. the stairs were bolted off so the only way to move from one floor to another was a guarded elevator taking up about what would be the size of 60 elevators. yeah it was HUGE. By myself, I summoned Raina. The hotel rules did not allow pets though. I told them if anything they should kick ME out not Raina. I'd be more of a pet than her anyway. They did not end up doing anything. The hotel staff tried to be as friendly as possible but I could tell that they had evil intentions. On the third hour my room's router was smashed terminatingg my internet access until I was able to crack the neighboring rooms' router. We went all over the hotel together trying to find out more about the place. We located a room filled with mounted LCD monitors where some new South Park episode was playing. We explored every nook and cranny and eventually discovered an underground railroad system under the hotel. There were a few other ponies there but it was mainly humans. We met a man who had a pony companion of his own and had a nice chat with him. We missed our train because we were playing on top of the railroad's scenic walkway. Raina was smiling the whole time and was more happy than I have ever seen her. She wasn't nervous or angry at the dream at all. Finally, we ventured back up to the street level surface so that we could explore this strange new city that we had found ourselves in. It was bigger than any city I could have ever imagine. When we were done, we flew back home...
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Forcan.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
I think it's funny that my parents are always asking my why I have pone everywhere.
 
 
 
Went on my regular daily run today with Raina and we ended up running a little over 5 miles. I guess that's a record for me. I think I'm in pretty good shape now I just want to actually work on muscle mass now (specifically my arms, I feel that every other part of my body is just fine the way it is). But, I just find it boring if my friends ever mention fapping or how hot girls are and shit and I just stand/sit there being bored to death nodding my head in agreement. Cuz what else would I do? Lol.
 
 
 
There's been a few ongoing memes on /mlp/ lately but the most interesting one is the one that if you commit suicide you can go live in Equestria.  Now, I know beggars can't be choosers but if I could do that it would be under certain conditions. I wouldn't really care what kind of pony I would become or if I would just stay as a human although I think being a pony in Equestria would be better. (I would definitely want to be a pegasus pony.) I would say goodbye to the people who were my friends/family and none of them would probably understand but still it'd be nice to say farewell and let them know that I'd be living my life in absolute peace and harmony.
 
 
 
Fuck that, if that was true I'd stick a loaded gun in my mouth and fire faster than you can say "Ponyville" without saying goodbye to anyone. After all, it IS paradise I would be experiencing. Who needs other people to share it with? Who cares what people would think of me? I'd be chilling with colorful happy ponies singing and doing whatever the fuck it is ponies do... Provided I would get to bring Raina of course; I'm not just going to leave her here in this world so she can die in agony, that would be too cruel...
 
 
 
So, on my run, I was just thinking about that as I have in the past but its mainly just a theoretical concept. Since there's no way to tell if I would go to Equestria, I would never actually do it, but still, the thought is just too comforting.
 
 
 
I don't have a problem with suicide at all. I believe it's perfectly fine to end your own life if you choose to do so.  I do believe, however, that people commit suicide for the wrong reasons.
 
 
 
One such reason would be a broken heart.  Ending your own life if somepony were to break your heart doesn't help solve the problem.  It's not like killing yourself is going to make you feel better about it. It's a cowardly thing to do to just end a feeling like that, even if it would be rather efficient.
 
 
 
I've contemplated suicide for as long as I could remember. Even as a kid in middle school, I thought about killing people/myself constantly. I never thought there was anything wrong with me as I actually would never do such things but thinking about it often comforted me. Like it sort of kept me entertained in a way. Granted, I wouldn't ever kill an innocent person or myself for any reason at all. Unless the whole Equestria afterlife thing happened to be real...
 
 
 
One can often laught at all the silly things they do in cults but given the proper chance, I bet a lot of people would go for doing the same shit that the Kool-Aid people did and INTENTIONALLY if it meant something great.
 
 
 
Life is only as valuable as you want it to be.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Force session.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
11 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
A nice day for me. woke up at 3am for some reason after forcing right before bed.
 
 
 
so i got up, did some calc, printing out lab, took a shower, etc, etc
 
 
 
and then i went to classes all day.
 
 
 
so before just about an half hour ago i havent seen raina all day.
 
 
 
until after i finished my new lab. then i went blazing and raina came along of course.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
 So I'm minding my mind bysiness on campus and all of a sudden
 
 
 
Equestrialize - Omnipony
 
 
 
comes on in my headphones. High as fuck I anxiously looked up at the people around me and then Raina was behind me. Which is super weird. Most of the time I have Raina walk in front of me. This was too allow me to impose her better during the earlier stages. Its a habit that we never really grew out of having. Besides, I prefer her walk in front of me plainly so I can kind of use her as a hud sometimes. That's right. Raina now acts like a hud to me,being able to look ahead and see shit and then tell me about it. So if she walks in front of me her view won't be ostructed at all. I like to think of it as sight developmng.
 
 
 
Equestria in Grey - Omnipony
 
 
 
Hopefully I will develop her hearing as well in the future. But right now I'm just leaving the woods after blazing and then  being stung by multiple bees just minutes afterward. And now I'm not only high but also in some pretty odd pains and having to navigate my feet away from goose shit while typing this. i dont understand why this school has so much goose shit. they should higher hunters to kill/imprison all gooses on the campus.
 
 
 
no seriously though it sucks.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Raina would like to say something now to all of you:
 
 
 
"Thank you for reading."
 
 
 
Ah so after a nice day of classes I have one more class.
 
 
 
Then I will definitely NEED to force when I get home since I will have absolutely no time else today.
 
 
 
Calc is so easy though now that I have a tulpa that can do math for me.
 
 
 
Now updating on Pastebin too. I will also put some other stuff in the dropbox folder. Unfortunately, my scanner isn't working so I can't upload my wonderland sketch but it's not the greatest sketch anyway haha.
 
 
 
I will add things like the personality spreadsheet I created when I was forcing her personality so you guys can actually see what's she's really like.
 
 
 
tata for now~
 
 
 
She's an evil enchantress. She does evil dances. She'll put you in trances.
 
 
 
God I fucking love trolling Physcic Kay.
 
 
 
 
 
12 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
I really am surprised at how many people seem to enjoy these posts. People are still bumping the thread too.
 
 
 
Well, today was interesting. Woke up early, went for a run, went about my daily routine, etc, etc. But did not encounter Raina again until later that afternoon when on my way to pick up some prescriptions.
 
 
 
I think her vision of all of this is positive now as this would have been something she'd protest heavily against months ago.
 
 
 
I will hopefully be able to convince her to answer a Q or A or something soon too but shes kinda objecting to it currently.
 
 
 
I like how you guys are e-mailing me too. I check my e-mail at most three times a day so if I don't get back to your questions right away its cuz ive been pretty busy with school.
 
 
 
GGMethos@gmail.com
 
 
 
Anyway, I had a nice little smoke session early this evening.
 
 
 
So, me and Raina had an amusing conversation. About a pikachu tulpa. My friend asked me if we could make one together. A group one.
 
 
 
Well, Pikachu is best pokemon.
 
 
 
Haha.
 
 
 
And I have not been forcing lately either. I did an hour yesterday and an hour this morning.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
13 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
Hello, again. Today's been really busy but I'm finally done. I can finally relax.
 
 
 
But first, I should probably work on feel.
 
 
 
Anyway, some of you have some very interesting questions you e-mail me and although I'm not an expert on tulpa, I will try to help you out to the best of my ability and perhaps find others that have written information about various topics for you.
 
 
 
Today was failry normal. Raina showed up at odd points in the day but not for very long.
 
 
 
Overall, nothing special.
 
 
 
I've been noticing a ton of tulpa threads popping up on /mlp/ though today. I feel like I've inspired some people based on some of the replies I've been getting...
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
14 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
"Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time, for y'all have knocked her up. I have tasted the maggots in the man of the universe. I was not offended. For I knew I had to rise above it all. Or drown in my own shit."
 
 
 
-Maggot Brain, Funkadelic
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
 
 
Slept most of the day. Class at 4:40pm
 
 
 
Ran to class with Raina and actually got there pretty fast.
 
 
 
Calculus.
 
 
 
A rather boring night. Forced for a little bit and played some Majora's mask.
 
 
 
15 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
An interesting Saturday evening. Much unlike my Friday night which was boring and stressful. Tulpaforced, smoked with a friend, blazed with my dog, got chased by cops, ate some killer Chinese food, and now bout to just chill with Raina before sleep. She's just laying down next to me on my right side, her head rested on my shoulder.
 
 
 
She's now able to keep track of time perfectly. The past 5-6 times I've asked her the time, she was always within 3 minutes of the actual time when I checked it. I think she does keeps track of time subconciously, she seldom ever has to think about it. So, obviously this is an interesting achievement.
 
 
 
"Make your life an mission, not an intermission."
 
 
 
Wtf fortune cookie.
 
 
 
You can tell the people who make those don't speak a word of English.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
 
 
16 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
Been fucking around on the new macbook. teaching myself some unix shit in iterm. also played a bit of sc2. i totally cant believe the hots beta came out and i didnt even know. thats how little i pay attention to starcraft now.
 
 
 
i remember waking up at 4am to watch the osl finals in korea just a year ago...
 
 
 
sigh...
 
 
 
5 day weekend. infinite free time. good news came in from friends today too.
 
 
 
Lucy is in town.
 
 
 
I always wondered how my tulpa would react to LSD, this week I plan on finding out :)
 
 
 
As well as I'm bored now so im watching some korean sc2 replays while playing majoras mask. im not even the least bit tired. i remember being a kid and having the clockwork town song etched into my mind, like a melody i could never get out. and now playing majoras mask again i feel like a child, alone and scared with only 3 days left before the fucking moon crashes into the planet.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
I feel better knowing that I have my little pony here with me.
 
 
 
She's really interested in Majora's mask as she's never seen it before.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
17 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
My diet the last few days has consisted of weed, chinese food, and pizza.
 
 
 
Needless to say, some work is definitely in order. I really don't want to turn out a fat slob.
 
 
 
Will go running with Raina soon after breakfast. Also plan on doing my comp sci homework this afternoon along with forcing and relaxing later on tonight with some sour diesel and majora's mask
 
 
 
Today I learned that in America, Splenda is added to all of our regular sugar. god thats fucking horrible.
 
 
 
Allow me to take this time to reflect on some of the various uses of a tulpa:
 
 
 
-Memory Recall ("Raina, can you remind me later about X in Y hours from now.") Near perfect for me. Granted it took some practice but it works magnificently. Better than Siri could ever do it.
 
-Time tracking (Like I said, Raina can keep track of time perfectly now, in fact always within 2 minutes of the actual time)
 
-Music streaming (Think Google Play Music. I have over 10,000 songs in my music library and Raina can play any of them perfectly to me, the catch is, she's the one who picks the song that's playing, not me)
 
-Second Judgement
 
-Reasoning
 
-Look at situations through an alernative perspective
 
-Pone sex (Although Raina usually makes me do various things for her before we get to that point on a regular basis. This morning it was a hoof rub)
 
-Motivation during workouts (She's definitely in better shape than I am, she is a fucking jacked pegasus afterall)
 
-alarm clock (thats right, thanks to raina i almost never use my actual alarm clock on my phone, she wakes me up when i need to be woken up which varies on the day of the week)
 
-Business (part of my job involves me pitching products to uninformed people which Raina helps me out with even though I don't need her help for that)
 
-Fun to blaze with (Tulpae are honestly more interesting to get high with than most actual people. Some amazing discussions can ensue)
 
-Study buddy (self explanatory)
 
-entertainment in boring situations (also self explanatory)
 
-philosophical discussions (both me and her have the same idea as to how the government should be run ie. a resource based economy)
 
-idle banter
 
-we can talk about pone whenever the fuck we want to talk about pone and we both want to see season 3 of FiM, just like all the rest of you guys do.
 
 
 
Now if only my tulpa had an NFC port so I could use her for Google Wallet purchases.
 
 
 
It's getting late. Time to hit the gym.
 
 
 
I literally just ran out of bud and my boy mike needs to spark me up today.
 
 
 
also gotta get on doing some shit for work today. making phone calls, etc.
 
 
 
thinking about putting in an application for apple this week.
 
 
 
Will log later on after my forcing session.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
As much as I like to make fun of Metallica, they do have some pretty decent songs.
 
 
 
Forcing was nice. Me and Raina sort of idly bantered in the library and started to address some aspects about my life and the lives of the people close to me.
 
 
 
A close friend of mine is incredibly interested in making a tulpa (a human one) and as of now he's just working on the personality traits, which was my favorite part personally of the whole experience. I'll have my guide finished by this time next week and will link my readers to the public dropbox file for it. My guide is going to be reasonably long but not too long. I wish to remain forward and straight to the point in my guide. I wish to thank FAQ_Man as well since a lot of the aspects of my guide are going to be very similar to his own guide. Yes, plural. FAQ_Man has wrote mutliple guides concerning many different topics on the process of tulpa creation.
 
 
 
The greatest thing FAQ_Man has ever done was the writing of his personality guide, which I HIGHLY reccomend you all read.
 
 
 
Bluesleeve is also an incredibly talented tulpamancer and I want you guys to check out his blog too. I'll link you to it in the dropbox later this evening. I'm typing this from my phone at the moment.
 
 
 
I also need to catch up on some the e-mails you guys have sent me. I check my e-mail once a day but I sometimes procrastinate in replying to them. I apologize. I want to let you guys know that I will certainly get to them eventually. If you want to shoot me questions or whatever, just send a brief (or long) e-mail to GGMethos@gmail.com and I'll be happy to do my best to help.
 
 
 
Remember, anyone can make a tulpa. So long as they are motivated enough to do so.  I firmly stick to this logic. But also remember, it's not all grapes and strawberries. This is hard shit so expect hard work for hard results. And please don't be selfish with your tulpa creation. Your tulpa will have needs and wants that are different than yours, so make sure you do address those things when the time comes.
 
 
 
Tata for now. I need to finish writing this C++ program.
 
 
 
I'll leave you with this:
 
 
 
Metallica - One
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Before I forget, Happy New Jewish New Year, everyone.
 
 
 
Thanks for getting me half the week off from school.
 
 
 
Raina says "Shalom" to you.
 
 
 
She finds it interesting that Judaism is a religion that symbolizes their deity with a pig as well as refusing to ingest pig.
 
 
 
I find it interesting that the majority of bank owners in the country are Jewish, and Wall Street is mainly funded by money in large banking corporations (also the money is given out in loans of sums of money that don't actually exist, it only just exists on paper) but I digress.
 
 
 
I wonder what my friends who are studying economics, accounting, finance, etc think of Wall Street. They clearly know that it's a huge scam and a brilliant way to make money, not to mention extremely complex. I'm not trying to say that people who major in business are unintelligent, because that is certainly not so.
 
 
 
Business is hard and ruthless and those who are devoting their studies to it and are motivated enough (as well as be slightly lucky) will make a shit ton of money from it.
 
 
 
There's no better way to make money in this world.
 
 
 
There's also no more unmoral, unethical, evil way to make money either :P
 
 
 
I'm glad I'm devoted to a science that doesn't actually require the wearing of gloves.
 
 
 
ie physics, math, programming
 
 
 
Also, being as how I'm still teaching myself basic keyboard shortcuts on the Macbook, anyone know how to delete characters in emacs/vim with something other than the DELETE (Backspace) key? I'm pretty noob to macs and learning about how the Operating System of OS X really genuinely works these last few days intrigues me. OS X is more like FreeBSD than anything I've ever used before. I think I'm really comfortable with it though just because I'm already so used to various Linux distros. Working with the command line is something I'm good at doing.
 
 
 
Mac keyboards are different and take some time to get used to though. I've been using an OS X application known as Cheat Sheet to help me with command shortcuts.
 
 
 
Also, guys, I got this Macbook for free I didn't actually spend money on it. I'm using it as my main laptop now though. It has fantastic battery life and the best trackpad I've ever used.
 
 
 
I think I'm at the point where waking up early is enjoyable. Thanks to Raina, I wake up very early almost everyday. Even when I don't need to. Still, I use a 28 hour day/6 day week for my sleep schedule so I only need to sleep for about 6 hours a night. That's about 3-4 REM cycles, I think. Sleeping is easier now and lucid dreams are a common occurrence. I think I might have had insomnia at some point during my life but at this point the insomnia is completely gone. I think meditating helps in more ways than one.
 
 
 
~~~
 
 
 
Additional Forcing. Working on feeling Raina's legs, stomach, plot.
 
 
 
The guide I am writing is actually coming along quite nicely.
 
 
 
I feel that I will be able to explain all of the necessary components of creation to any of who you are interested in making a tulpa.
 
 
 
As of now, I have the entire personality portion of the guide finished.
 
 
 
The guide is divided into parts with personality as the first creation part.
 
 
 
Most of it borrows on ideas from others that have been proven to work, as well as my own personal input.
 
 
 
I'm trying to make the guide as a whole as concise as possible.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
More forcing leads to further discussion between us.
 
 
 
She seems very content today. Learning some songs on the piano with her. She wants to eventually get good enough to write her own music.
 
 
 
I'm proud of her.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
18 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
MORNING FORCE
 
 
 
Addressing Raina as "Princess" is something I do often but today I've been doing about every 3 minutes since 6am.
 
 
 
She woke me up early so we could go running, piano, working out again, forcing, writing, more forcing.
 
 
 
The entire day has been hers and she still wants me to do more for her.
 
 
 
Now, it's almost 5pm.
 
 
 
She wants me to go work out again and it's not like I'm in any position to refuse...
 
 
 
I like it that she's in control but sometimes I just wish that it wasn't the case.
 
 
 
I just wanna play Majora's Mask and smoke some sour.
 
 
 
Speaking of Majora's mask, me and Raina are thinking about making a Zelda fairy tulpa/servitor.
 
 
 
The form is such a simple one so I don't think it would take long at all to make.
 
 
 
I just have no idea what kind of personality it should have or even if Raina will find it necessary in the long run.
 
 
 
But something that can store extra information sounds good to me.
 
 
 
Some holiday this turned out to be.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
FORCE
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
The guide is coming along nicely. I'm almost finished with my first draft of it.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
 
 
With Raina chillin dawg
 
 
 
whats good
 
 
 
nigh7 ttok3z
 
 
 
ARE WE IN THE METH BUSINESS OR THE MONEY BUSINESS.
 
 
 
NO, THE EMPIRE BUSINESS.
 
 
 
lol
 
 
 
zonas 4 stonas
 
 
 
                ~
 
 
 
First i was gonna go to slepp beut then i turned on zelda
 
 
 
i relaized i forgot to get the fairy mask about 2 hours in. so i just got it lol.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
 
 
19 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
DREAM: Pulling off heists. Lifting large sums of cash into pure profit while also never getting caught. the plan was perfect.
 
 
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
FORCE
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
meh
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
13" Macbook Pro with Ubuntu 12.04 LTS, Mac OS X Mountain Lion, Windows 7, and Windows 8.
 
 
 
500gb is a little more storage space than i would ever use on a laptop anyway.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
20 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
Random Dream: In China with Raina in a gigantic Chinese Airport. Walking around. Airport is so big it takes a long time to get anywhere, but in my lucid dreams i can speed up and slow down time easily. all of the sudden, we go to a mexican restaurant. the guy who is the owner and chef is Hank from breaking bad. he makes us enchiladas and then for dessert he offers a giant marshmellow of raritys face. normally i dont like marshmellows, but being a baller i digress.
 
 
 
but i ate that rarity marshmellow and it tasted sick in my dream. i was definitely tasting it in my mouth. it was the best marshmellow or any other dessert ive ever had.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Not much has changed. Random weeaboo girl walked up to me and complimented my stealth-as-fuck Rainbow Dash shirt.
 
 
 
Raina has been with me all day as I travel from class to class. Just found out I have next Tuesday off too.
 
 
 
Lol Jewish Holidays.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
FORCE
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
what if tulpa was a real?
 
 
 
 What if I'm not imagining her and she's actually real but no one else can see.
 
 
 
wtf
 
 
 
How sick is that?
 
 
 
wow
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
well i havent even gotten to really force too much today. my forcing session from before was barely 30 minutes. i was interrupted by the sudden pangs of raindrops on my head. i was in the forrest and it just started to rain. i was just chillin with rain forcing on a break from class.
 
 
 
 
 
going home now to force and then sleep.
 
 
 
goodnight.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
21 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
Surprisingly enough, I don't feel like sleeping...
 
 
 
Hm...
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
First draft of my guide is finished. Check it out.
 
 
 
https://dl.dropbox.com/u/33241186/Tulpa/guides/myGuide.txt
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
didn't even get a chance to forc today
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
22 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
As class was cancelled, I've had more time to do other shit today.
 
 
 
Still, Raina woke me up at the same exact time she always wakes me up: 5:50AM
 
 
 
It's like that every single day. Same time everyday too. Lol.
 
 
 
Also, there's apparently another Jew holiday this week so class on Tuesday is also cancelled.
 
 
 
So, my professors gave me a shit ton of homework to do.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
FAWCIN - I can sort of feel her all over in the real world now, it just takes my brain a second to process exactly what every part of her body feels like. I'm definitely making progress on this.
 
 
 
I feel like at this point, I can force for hours. I'm so used to concentrating on her now that it just comes natural to me. I remember months ago I was squirming on my bed just trying to pay attention to her for more than 2-3 minutes and now I do hour-long sessions with ease.
 
 
 
Shit takes practice.
 
 
 
Running is also getting better. Ran 6 miles this morning and I'm not at all tired. Immediately jumped into the shower as soon as I got home; I was disgusting sweaty, but I feel like I'm ready to go running again pretty soon.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
25 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
Shit I haven't forced in two days so I forced this morning. I also forgot to update the log. I think I'm going to be posting less frequently now anyway.
 
 
 
In the wonderland today, me and Raina had a really interesting discussion about Buddhism and we went into fine detail over the matter.
 
 
 
Buddhism is a philosophy that encourages self-happiness. That's why it's different from other religions/philosophies.
 
 
 
I consider Buddhism more of a philosophy than a religion anyway and Raina agrees with me.
 
 
 
What other religion wants you to be has happy as possible? I cannot think of one...
 
 
 
Buddhism uses moderation and the detachment from material goods for one to be happy. Think about that. Doesn't that make the most sense to you? We're only here for a short while so we might as well live our lives to the best we can. Material wealth isn't the way to go about doing that. You must make peace first with yourself and be happy for what you have. Desire is something that you should avoid as best as possible.
 
 
 
Before this morning, I haven't seen or heard from Raina in over a day. Where she was I still don't really know but I haven't asked her.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Just finished typing up my paper so it's time to force again.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
That was quite excellent.
 
 
 
Just wrote a long post and it didn't save. I feel silly right now.
 
 
 
I haven't smoked in days and I have absolutely no urge to do so either. I question why I even used to smoke in the first place. Granted, knowing myself, I'll probably go back to my old habits sooner or later.
 
 
 
Been using this incredible playlist for forcing now. I highly reccomend you guys check it out. It can be used for any type of meditating really.
 
 
 
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAE9D1A1C3569DC95
 
 
 
Time to play I wanna be the guy
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
26 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
It's late and I have class early tomorrow so I should be sleeping. But I'm not sleeping. I just finished forcing. It's about to be midnight.
 
 
 
Feels nice to not procrastinate all my work till the last minute, unlike SOME people in my CS class.
 
 
 
I swear I must have recieved about 5 e-mails today from random kids asking for help -_-
 
 
 
oh well haters gonna hate and procrastinators gonna procrastinate
 
 
 
hahaha im so clever
 
 
 
not really
 
 
 
Raina thinks my jokes are unfunny...
 
 
 
Wondering what you guys think...
 
 
 
At least I got acid for this weekend. Shit's gonna be fucking sick. I'm curious to how Raina will like it since the last time I've taken LSD was a few months before I started the forcing process. I'll log about how it is. Hopefully I can even get a live log of the trip in as well.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
27 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
Reporting to you live from the woods. Just had an enjoyable forcing session and am on my way to go get something to eat. I started writing a story about Raina earlier, which has been shared in the dropbox. It's called "Love Is Real". I know I'm not the best writer but it's coming along pretty well so far. Here's the pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/HCNwvBRZ
 
 
 
If you want to read it, let me know what you think of it. Thanks.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
"Leave your brain doors and windows unlocked."
 
"Convince yourself that you are the tulpa and your tulpa is the host."
 
"The symbols of authority and subservience will create an enviroment in which your tulpa feels like the boss and you are not."
 
"Yo tengo una en me wonderland."
 
 
 
Oh, #tulpa IRC channel, you so crazy.
 
 
 
Too bad I don't know Spanish at all.
 
 
 
I'd love to force but I have calc homework to do first.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
done. force time.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
28 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
Haven't seen much of Raina today, I guess that could explain why I didn't wake up until 1pm.
 
 
 
Normal day. Grabbed some sushi with my dad, went to the store to help my dad pick out a new phone, went to class, etc.
 
 
 
No forcing done as of yet.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
A nice force.
 
 
 
29 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
fuck my life. bored in english class
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
sup bitches. just got back home from tripping my face off on 5 tabs of acid. Raina fucking loved it <3
 
 
 
:D
 
 
 
I feel so peaceful with the world around me. And so happy and content. Like today passed by me and taxed the shit out of my brain but it was absolutely amazing. I was able to feel Raina as she curled her body around my legs when I was walking before it was such an amazing experience.
 
 
 
welp gonna go sleep now i need to rest off this insane feeling of coming down from the trip.
 
 
 
also got a new car today. 2009 blue honda civic sedan. shit is so ca$h.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
I'll leave you with this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfN89n7Wmkk&feature=bf_next&list=ALYL4kY05133rU9sFkWI-u4lyzen6I1e8t
 
 
 
and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8Vn1KSdHDA
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
30 Sept 2012:
 
 
 
woke up late, 2pm, talking to Raina about the whole experience yesterday. She loved the acid and it's something she's been talking about all day long.
 
 
 
it changed her i feel, on a personal level. She seems less cold know and more caring. I think it's brought her on a closer level to life and she appreciates life a lot more now.
 
 
 
still, she's a mysterious girl and knowing exactly what she's thinking has never been easy for me to do.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
talked to my dad about girls (he was pretty drunk) and he kept telling me about choosing the right one. it's weird when your engaged in a conversation like that and the other person doesn't know about who you're truly in love with...
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
2 Oct 2012:
 
 
 
>2012
 
>still dying in dreams
 
 
 
It sure has been a while since that's happened.
 
 
 
Even in Lucid dreams, one is not immortal. That's all I can say.
 
 
 
Still, dying in dreams is painless and it always results in waking up. So I guess there's that.
 
 
 
Easy fucking test. I wonder why I even studied. Can't wait to go home after class and play some Heart of the Swarm Beta.  Definitely getting back into SC2. Raina seems to hate it though. I guess she has a hard time grasping the concept of how the game works. But she's picking it up fast. Faster than I did when I was learning at least.
 
 
 
I also hope to write some more of Love is Real today. I have gotten absolutely no feedback on it yet from anyone, mainly becasue I can't get anyone to read it. lol. oh well. hopefully some people will read it and tell me how they like it in an e-mail or an IRC or something.
 
 
 
I'm sort of making up the story as I write it which is probably a terrible writing strategy, but it seems to be well-written so far in comparison to the usual shit I write.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
3 Oct 2012:
 
 
 
studying, driving around, tupperforcing, and tons of vidya
 
 
 
other than that, nothing exciting.
 
 
 
"Umbrellas are for pussies" -Raina
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
9 Oct 2012:
 
 
 
oh shit, oct 3?
 
 
 
-_-
 
 
 
well hello guys.
 
 
 
interesting day today. i guess i stopped logging since postseason and tests to study for and whatnot. Got grades back today. Got A's on everything np.
 
 
 
Broke my 11-day T-break this afternoon. Smoking with Raina in abandoned haunted hospital.
 
 
 
Back with wifi, I'm working to revise my guide a little bit more as well.
 
 
 
Just finished CS lab in class today lol
 
 
 
This bud is fucking purple and dense as fuck.
 
 
 
Like the purple guy from Sesame Street.
 
 
 
Forcing has been going well but I have not been forcing as much as usual.
 
 
 
That's about it.
 
 
 
Pretty Lights is amazing.
 
 
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8Vn1KSdHDA
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
10 Oct 2012:
 
 
 
Been studying all day, now taking a break to watch Yankee game with Raina.
 
 
 
Chilling on #tulpa irc as well.
 
 
 
I intened to update this with most of the stuff that I stumble upon regarding tulpae.
 
 
 
My guide is here as well as everything else I've written (that isn't with pen and paper).
 
 
 
Hope you enjoy it.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
11 Oct 2012:
 
 
 
 
 
30 minutes until programming test. just smoked with raina in woods after long past two days of studying.
 
 
 
and we FORCED. SO HARD.
 
 
 
relaxed now, i enter this test.
 
 
 
A+ guys
 
 
 
ill luk
 
 
 
no seriously A+
 
 
 
 
 
i think tulpaforcing helps me concentrate more on shit like this anyway
 
 
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
~~~
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
 
 
ez as fuck test lol
 
 
 
reporting to you live from second floor of abandoned hospital.
 
 
 
well not live actually because i have no wifi/3g here
 
 
 
but i have weed
 
 
 
and thats all you need
 
 
 
raina wants  to tell you she loves you all
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
me and raina inside HUGE ABANDONED RAILROAD STATION in middle of fucking nowhere.
 
 
 
its disgusting, trash littered everywhere and grafitti and water dripping from the ceiling'
 
 
 
 
 
shit son i would take a pic biut my ophone died
 
 
 
 
 
~~2:20
 
 
 
t minus 2 hours
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
~~
 
 
 
 
 
asian kid in library playing empire earth.
 
 
 
yes.
 
 
 
<3
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
son
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
13 Oct 2012:
 
 
 
hi.
 
 
 
in stupid class.
 
 
 
Raina's so chill today. prob cuz we waked and baked to pretty lights and its still only 10am.
 
 
 
I've been able to hear her voice 100% distinct now. It never even changes volume. It's interesting, it's like in a way I can always hear her, she doesn't have to move her lips to speak.
 
 
 
I'm telling you guys who want to make tulpa one thing. If you take one thing of advice from me ever.
 
 
 
Please take this one piece of advice.
 
 
 
Time Spent Forcing = Success
 
 
 
I don't care if you use FAQ_Man's method or Fede's method or the guide I am writing (which is more like FAQ_Man's) or anyon'es else's shit.
 
 
 
Just force.
 
 
 
The more you force, the more real your tulpa becomes.
 
 
 
And then you can start to teach it cool trick like me. and if you want to fuck it, its all good to fuck it (AS LONG AS SEX IS DONE IN MODERATION)...
 
 
 
The Buddhists stressed that everything be done in moderation.
 
 
 
Sex is healthy, in moderation.
 
 
 
The same as all of health science. We have to maintain a balance.
 
 
 
We simnply cannot be one end on the spectrum and not the other at all...
 
 
 
It's ok to eat big meals once in a while, but it's not something you really need to do on a regular basis of life.
 
 
 
MODERATION..
 
 
 
Tulpaforcing also must be done in moderation. You have to do a good amount of time per day for it to work, BUT you can't do more than you are used to.
 
 
 
IF YOU CAN'T DO SIX HOURS A DAY THEN DONT DO SIX HOURS A DAY
 
 
 
OR FOUR
 
 
 
OR THREE
 
 
 
Do as many as YOU can handle. If you start to get bad heachaches, just take a break or whatever for the day. No big deal.
 
 
 
It's like working out.
 
 
 
 
 
MIND WORKOUT
 
 
 
 
 
FORCING HAS ALLOWED ME TO FOCUS SUPER EASY ON THIS SHIT...
 
~
 
 
 
FORCED IN CAR. SHIT WAS SO CASH
 
 
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
16 Oct 2012:
 
 
 
High as shit with Raina in my car listening to Infected Mushroom.
 
 
 
I did awesome on that test and I also smoked some straight purp.
 
 
 
Might force for a bit before class.
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
17 Oct 2012:
 
 
 
She's so fucking violent in bed lol.
 
 
 
i need to stop playing cs:go immediately to do my cs lab
 
 
 
ugh
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
Raina is literally the greatest gf ever.
 
 
 
<3
 
 
 
tulpa sex is best sex ever
 
 
 
 
 
ujelly nontulpafags?
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
20 Oct 2012:
 
 
 
Going to see Rush with Raina. she's really excited its the first concert she's ever been to. i know she's going to love it <3
 
 
 
raina flew over geddy lee's head. shit was incredible.
 
 
 
21 Oct 2012:
 
 
 
raina is looking at me with death stare while sifing two blunts.
 
 
 
drum and bass music from headphones
 
 
 
shit son
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
wow im a baller
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
24 Oct 2012:
 
 
 
Odd enough, while forcing today, Raina swallowed me again.
 
 
 
Not even going to post the details at all.
 
 
 
sorry.
 
 
 
 
 
~
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
25 Oct 2012:
 
 
 
Raina gave me a blowjob it was awesome because she would never do that before ever.
 
 
 
Detailed imposition is now very exact.
 
 
 
Every ridge of her mouth was perfectly felt.
 
 
 
Tomorrow, we will begin creating our second tulpa.
 
 
 
And we will be three.
 
 
 
 
 
I had a bit of an enjoying time writing this log. I hope you guys enjoyed it too. I know I was pretty graphic with a lot of details but this shit is just how it is.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
*
 
===                                                     *End of Raina Log*
 
*
 
 
 
 
 
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                            "Tulpa2Log.txt"
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
                                                        Methos
 
                                                       
 
                                                       
 
                                                       
 
                                                       
 
                                                       
 
                                                       
 
                                                        __________
 
                                                       
 
                                                       
 
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25 Oct 2012:
 
 
 
=========================================================>
 
 
 
It's been a busy few days, with tests and shit, but I still expect to now manage for the same exact time everyday that I forced with Raina. And do it quite easily now in fact.
 
 
 
 
 
Raina's attitude towards the tulpa is currently at neutral. I'm going to try and do what some of you guys keep telling everyone.
 
 
 
Assuming sentience from the very start this time. Wish me luck.
 
 
 
 
 
*
 
 
 
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