>You are an employee for Hasbro Bio-Toys
>Your new designation is Employee #098263-A
>You've been promoted
>Now, you get to work with a brand new group of fluffies
>You get your assignment from your boss
"Alright...your job is to simply tell the fluffies they get spaghetti if they survive. Take notes."
"It's that simple, sir?"
"Of course not...these are Alicorns who've been injected with 'normal' genes."
"I see."
"Have fun."
>You intend to
>Before releasing the fluffies, you examine their enclosure
>It's exactly the same as the Alicorns'
"Huh...what's this button do?"
>You see a button labeled, "PUSH ONCE FLUFFIES RELEASED"
>You release the fluffies and tell them the drill
>This time there's 10
>Again, genders are divided half and half
"Alright, everyone. If you can survive for one day, you all get spaghetti."
>Mixed results
"SKETTIS! Wah? Wewe scawy noise come fwom? Pway? MEANIE VOICE! WHY CAN' FWUFFY SEE!?"
>First note: "The fluffies seem to have the cognitive abilities of a bag of hammers."
>This group should be interesting
>You look down and notice that shiny red button
>You feel as giddy as a school girl as you press it
>You look into the enclosure as it changes before your eyes
>A buzzsaw now sticks out of the center of the floor
>Cattle prods protrude from a corner
>The other corner appears to be glowing red
>That corner's heated from below
>It is 600 degrees, Farenheit
"Oh, boy this should be hilarious."
"New fwen? Wan huggies?"
>One of the fluffies approaches the buzzsaw
>It hugs it, and immediately becomes two fluffy-halves
>You jot down another few notes
>"Subject tried to make friends with buzzsaw. Results were predictable."
"Why fwend sweepy? Wake up!"
>The other 9 fluffies try to hug the two halves of the corpse back to life
>When they fail, they notice the bloody saw
"MEANIE MUNSTAH MAKE FWEND TAKE WONGEST SWEEPIES!"
>They blow raspberries at it
>At least they can learn from experience
>A few more notes
>You look up to see one with its rear pointed at the saw
"FWUFFY GIF SOWWY POOPIES!"
>It sprays a stream of liquid shit at the saw
>The saw, in turn, flings diarrhea all over the fluffies
>Neat
"Nu smeww pwetty..."
>They do not appear to have connected shitting on the saw with being showered in shit
>Notes, notes, notes
>This group is definitely gonna keep you entertained
>You sit and watch as two more fluffies wander to the cattle prods
"Buzzy fwends wan huggies?"
>The prods emit an audible hum
>You giggle a bit as the fluffies go to hug them
>FUCKING ZAP
"www-w--ww-why fw-wfwf-fwend hh-h-huwt ff-f-f-wuff-fie...?"
>The fluffies have either lost control of their muscles or are too dumb to let go
>Their fluff begins to smolder where the prods make contact
>They void their bowels and begin screeching
>Their eyes pop, and they go limp
>Next note: "Fluffies attempted to hug cattle prods. Results were pretty fucking cool."
>7 remain alive
>By now, there's a smarty friend
>How did this one come to be smarty?
"Fwuffy am smawty becus haf wingies AN head pointy! Means am smawtest fwuffy evah!"
>The rest agree
>No sign of intelligent life
>You watch for a few more hours and 3 more die
>2 on the buzzsaw: one from hugs and one trying to give "owies"
>The other tried to wake the charred corpses on the caddle prods
>Somehow, it accidentally got one lodged in its throat
>It basically cooked from the inside-out
>The remaining 4 fluffies seem to be doing well
>They somehow haven't discovered the-
"WAAAAH!!! FWUFFY BUWNY! HEWP FWUFFY!"
>Whoops, spoke too soon
>One of the fluffies walked right onto the superheated metal plate in the corner of the room
>He instantly combusted
>He ran in circles for a few seconds
>The other fluffies tried to make him better
"Wah wong? Need huggies?"
>Oh my God they're not going to...
>They are
>They try to hug him back to health
>They all catch fire
>They scream and run in circles for about 3 minutes
>By then, all that remains of the test fluffies are corpses in various states of, for lack of a better word, shit
>4 melted fluffies
>3 cooked fluffies
>3 fluffy-halves
>You finish up your notes and check the clock
>They all managed to kill themselves within 3 and a half hours
>You summarize your notes with one simple sentence:
>"Fluffy ponies are fucking retarded."
>You hand in your notes to the boss man
"Well, that was quick...how'd the exper-"
"They're dead already."
"Thought so..."
>He glances over your notes
"You've done some great work this week. I'm giving you another promotion."
>You now make $150 thousand a year, and get to decide what traps to use in future experiments
>You walk out of your boss's office with a devilish grin on your face
>Science sure is fun