Celly, fuh th' tenth time, I'm nawt goin' back yet.
>Celestia sets her fork down and rubs her forehead.
>”Why not? We've taken care of everything, Anon. Your office is restored we found Granite...There's no need for you to hang around the castle when you've things to do at the Council,” she replies.
I'm not just hangin' around. I'm helpin' track down Blueblood. It's been two days. Wheah the hell is 'e?
>”The Nightguard is looking into it.”
And what about the ROYAL Guahd? What've they been doin?
>”We've had our liaisons in the Guard rooting out the ponies in the Prince's pocket. It'll take some time, but we have it under control.”
I've heard that befaw.
>”Do you have a better idea, Councilor?”
>You frown and poke at your eggs.
>”Thought not.”
Still nawt goin' back yet.
>”You have to. I need you and Granite Cliffs both back on the Council. We all have to work together. This is your part to play. The action is over. Now it's time for us to dismantle what's left of my nephew's little plan.”
I'd rathah be out theah lookin' faw 'im. Maybe introduce 'im ta how we dole out payback back home, y'know?
>Celestia lets out a heavy sigh and looks at you sternly.
>”Anon, you are going back to work with Granite. We have it covered,” she declares.
Bu-
>”Not negotiable. Now finish up. You're going to be late.”
>You take a swig of coffee and mutter under your breath.
...Liked it bettah when I was leadin' you around...
>”Maybe when you're a Princess you can do it again,” she returns. “I'm sure you'll be in a better mood about it when you deliver this.”
>She slides you a scroll. You read it over and can't help smiling widely.
1/
 
>You arrive at the Council Offices to see a pair of Nightguard escorting Granite towards the building.
>The old stallion nods to you when you catch up.
>”It's good to be back, isn't it Anonymous?” he says.
Sure is, sir. It'll be even beddah when we can oust that weasel in yuh seat.
>Granite grins.
>”Very true.”
>You start walking down the hall to your office when he stops you.
>”Oh, and Anon?”
Yeah?
>”I'm sorry about this whole business with the Council. I should have seen how deep the problem was running, but I didn't and we both paid for it.”
No need ta apologize, Granite. Just be glad we di'n' give 'em a chance ta do any lastin' damage. Last I heard Silvah wasn't makin' any moves an' the Council wasn' pushin' faw 'em.
>”That's a relief. From all of Blueblood's gloating when I was in those caverns I was worried that he'd managed to stage some kind of coup in my absence.”
Hey, speakin' of. How's it been down the Nightguahd barracks? I heard it was yuh last night theah 'faw they let yuh go back home.
>”Oh, it's been fine. Granted the accommodations are a little bare, but it's certainly better than that cage Blueblood had me in.”
Good ta heah. Now you ready ta do this?
>”Of course. This isn't my first rodeo, you know.”
2/
 
>Granite smirks as the two of you come to the large doors leading to the Council Chamber.
>The Council is in session already. You made sure to come a little late just so you could do this.
>You crack your knuckles and lay one hand on either door, pushing them both open.
>Silver is in the middle of making an address when you walk in, making sure your footsteps are as loud as possible.
>He trails off and stares at you. “What are you doing here, Anonymous?” he asks impatiently.
Ah, you know, just stoppin' by ta say hi, Silvah.
>His eyes widen when he sees Granite walking behind you.
>You let a devious grin play across your face.
Summin' wrong, Silvah? Yuh look awful nervous. Thought yuh'd be happy ta see ol' Granite come back.
>”Y-you can't!” he yells suddenly.
Can't what? Take back ah seats?
>”We had you removed! You've no authority here!”
I don't need any! How awesome is that?
>You walk right up to Silver's chair and lean in to speak into his ear.
See the thing about fake chahges is that they don't really stand up to a Royal Decree.
>Silver flinches when you slip the document out of your jacket pocket and slap it against the table.
Now get th' fuck outta that seat. Theah's some nice Nightguahds want a word with yuh in th' hallway. Wouldn't wanna keep 'em waitin'.
>Granite walks up to the seat and you pull away.
>”Now, Silver. If you please,” he says. Silver shakily gets up and steps aside.
>”Y-you won't get away with this, Anonymous. Whe-”
When yuh go cryin' a Blueblood, I'll be sawrry? Don' worry. We'll all get a chance ta chat widdim soon enough.
3/
 
>You whistle loudly, calling the pair of Nightguard in. They make a beeline for Silver and escort him out of the chamber.
>The other Councilors look at each other uneasily as you walk to your old Council seat.
Oh man, yuh left my seat open? That was nice a you guys. I was afraid yuh'd replace me with some scrub.
>You sit and stare down the old stallions across from you. Granite takes his seat and clears his throat.
>”Let's get this started, shall we?” he says.
Sounds good ta me. Theah's a lot ta do.
>”You have the floor, Councilor Anonymous.”
Thank you, Chairpony...
4/
 
>An couple hours later you're back in your office.
>The high you felt in the Council Chamber when you had Silver thrown out has worn off now that you've had time to think about what's left to be done.
>There's a knock at the door.
Come in.
>You turn smiling when you see White walk in.
White! Gawd damn, where've you been?
>He looks worried.
...What's up? Summin' wrong?
>”Sorry I haven't contacted you. I've been laying low since Granite went missing. Some of the Guards caught my scent and I had to protect Chrissy. You understand,” the guard explains.
Sure do. Don' worry about it. What can I do faw yuh?
>”I know where Blueblood is.”
>You nearly fall out of your chair.
What!?
>”Follow me. I'll take you there. I want to take this bastard down myself.”
Gotcha. Lead on, White.
>The stallion turns and walks out of your office with you in tow.
I'll call a few Nightguard to come with. I don' exactly have jurisdiction.
>White puts his hoof out to stop you.
>”No. Can't risk it. I've been doing some digging, Anon. Blueblood's got his hooves in way deeper than we thought.”
Ah come on. Luna's got a tight grip on th' Nightguahd. They'ah clean. I'm callin' a fe-
>”Anon. Trust me.”
>You narrow your eyes for a moment.
Aight, you win. Just lemme get summin in my office first.
>A ways down the hall you're stopped by two Nightguard. You recognize Cloudrunner from the investigation squad that Luna had placed you on.
>”Councilor, where are you going?” he asks.
Hey, that any way ta talk to a friend, Cloudrunnah? Come ahn. I'm goin' out fuh lunch with White 'eah. Haven't seen each othah in a while.
>You pat Cloudrunner on the shoulder.
5/
 
>You reach the Old District after a few minutes of walking in silence.
So what's th' deal, White? Why di'n' yuh come ta me earliah?
>”I had to be sure Blueblood's goons wouldn't catch on to me. I've been getting a lot of heat from the other Guards. Shining Armor's apparently oblivious, but that's to be expected from so young a Captain.”
Right, right. You stir up too much shit 'n soonah aw latah someone's gonna find yuh.
>You thumb the lighter in your pocket as you speak.
How much fahthuh?
>”It's just up here. I'm sure you remember the place. The Hen's Roost?”
A' caws. What, 's he got a secret bunkah undah the pub?
>”I wouldn't exactly call it a bunker, but yes, more or less.”
An' how'd you find out about it?
>The stallion quickens his pace. You can see the pub come into view.
>”I was digging around the archives a day or two ago and found some docs tying Blueblood to a construction project under the pub several years ago. I know it's not much, but nopony I talked to had ever heard of it. I figure something that well-buried has to be connected. If we haven't found him yet, it's because he's holed up in that pub.”
>The door is locked when you try the knob.
Aight, yuh've sold me. Yuh ready ta break some rules?
>”Let's go.”
>White turns around and delivers a swift kick to the door.
>You rush in as the door is flung open. The pub is dark and empty. You look around for a moment before vaulting over the bar in search of a hatch.
So yuh know wheah this bunkah's hidden?
>No answer.
White?
>A pair of hooves hitting your head sends you reeling.
6/
 
>Light returns to the world.
>You slowly look around as you wobble to your feet.
>In the dim torch and candlelight you can make out the shape of a couple stallions standing in a small room with you.
>They're wearing the gold armor of the Royal Guard and the self-satisfied grins of a pair of underhanded snakes in the grass.
>”Is he up?” one asks.
>”What do you think, stupid? Go get His Highness,” the other shoots back.
>The first Guard slinks out of the room, returning after a few minutes with Prince Blueblood walking in behind him.
>He looks at you, then the two Guards.
>”Leave us,” he orders coldly.
>Once you're alone, Blueblood starts to grin.
>”It was kind of you to join me here, Anonymous. I was starting to miss you, honestly,” he muses.
Wheah's White?
>”Who? Oh! The stallion you came in with? He's doing just fine. Better than ever, actually, with all the gold I paid him.”
>You stand silently, watching the Prince's expression become more and more boastful.
>”Surprised? I would think so. However, that isn't important. What's important is that I have you here now. Right where I want you.”
And wheah's that? In this cage like yuh had Granite?
>Blueblood giggles to himself.
>”Essentially, yes, Anonymous.”
Fantastic.
>The Prince seems annoyed at your lack of response.
7/
 
>”You know, Anonymous, I really didn't mind you at first,” he says.
Yuh di'n't?
>”No! Of course not. How could somep0ny of my station pay any regard to a commoner so below me? It's ludicrous to even think that.”
So what, then? Yuh fall fuh me uh summin?
>”You aren't in any position to be making smart-ass comments, Councilor.”
Well then by awl means, continue.
>He bites his lip, looking annoyed.
>”It was all fine for a time, Anonymous, but then you took your little trip 'to the Deer Republics' and I saw what was really going on.”
Really.
>”Yes, really. Have you ever seen my aunt Celestia so distraught? The other courtiers mightn't have noticed since she is so good at playing her part, but I did. I could see it in her eyes, Anonymous, and I knew that wherever you were, whatever you where doing, she didn't know if you'd be back and it was killing her. Now why do you think that was? It certainly was beyond any patronage I've ever seen, so it had to be something else...”
>You groan loudly when you realize where he's going with this.
>”...and then it hit me! By the Gods, it was an answer so absurd that it couldn't possibly be true! To think that Princess Celestia had actually fallen! Fallen for a lowborn, classless, obnoxiously common little lout such as yourself!”
>He becomes more and more aggressive with each word until he's almost snarling at you through the bars.
Oh fuh chrissake...Yuh planned this whole charade because yuh aunt gawt a new boyfriend? What're you, fakkin' eight?
8/
 
>”No! Gods, no! You just think everything is about you, don't you? No, I wouldn't have minded even then. Wouldn't have minded seeing her sulk silently in your absence. It didn't make any difference to me. But then you came back, Anonymous. You came back and she brightened up again.”
So yuh can't stand ta see 'er happy.
>His eye twitches again.
>”What I can't stand is to see the disruption of the natural order! Think of it! A commoner, an outsider, no less, attaining royal rank!”
What!?
>”My sentiments exactly!” he raves. “So I had to stop your little scheme, Anonymous.”
My schem-
“And it worked! With Granite out of the picture I could get you off the Council without opposition! And once I'd taken control of the better part of the Royal Guard I was free to work on phase two.”
Phase two?
>”Yes. I was originally going to have you simply kidnapped and exiled someplace. Just to get you out of my mane and have everything come back to normal at home, but here you've delivered yourself right to me!”
>The Prince smiles gleefully.
>”So I can just send you away now and be done with it!”
>Without a word your arm flies between the bars and and you grab Blueblood by his collar. His eyes go wide in surprise and he lets out a yelp.
Yuh tellin' me yuh went ta all this trouble settin' up a fakkin' ridiculous web a' corruption an' shit, just so yuh'd have an excuse ta mail me outta th' country?
>You let the stallion go and fall back against the bars, laughing hysterically.
>”Wh- why are you laughing!?” he yells, composing himself. “Stop laughing!”
9/
 
Why? It's funny! Heah I thought I was goin' up against some kinda puppetmastah...tryina get 'is hooves on th' throne!
>You lean against the bars facing Blueblood trying to get ahold of yourself.
I've been wrackin' my brain tryina figger out why the hell you of all people'd wanna take maw responsibility and now yuh tell me it was all paht a' th' most paranoid fakkin' tantrum evah!
>There are tears in your eyes. Before you can stop yourself laughing Blueblood has called the guards again.
>One jabs you in the side with the butt of his spear, sending you to the ground clutching your stomach.
>”Well laugh all you please, Anonymous. In the end I get what I want.” He turns to a guard. ”Pack him up.”
>You look up at the stallion as he glances back at you.
>”With all your meddling and exposing my plans, I won't be able to fake an excuse for your disappearance. That coup idea you gave me just now though...That'll do just fine. It won't matter what crimes I've committed if I'm in charge, now will it? Have fun on your trip. I hear Boardor is lovely this time of yea--”
>”That's quite enough of that, Nephew.”
10/
 
>Blueblood whips around as Celestia pushes the guards aside and walks into the room.
>She looks over at you and sighs.
>”What did I tell you this morning?”
>You smirk.
Hey, who sent yuh th' message tellin' yuh he was 'eah?
>”How did you find this place?” Blueblood asks furiously.
I slipped one a' th' Nightguahd a note while White wasn't lookin'.
>”It was for the guard to find me once he followed Anonymous and White to, and I quote, 'where that genius decides to ambush me.'”
>The Prince looks between the two of you with mouth agape.
What, yuh thought I wouldn't be suspicious when my guy in the Guahd just suddenly happened ta figger out where yuh'd holed up? I haven't seen him in weeks an' I knew yuh had his scent.
>”Wh-”
Shaddup.
>You turn to look at the Princess.
Celly, didja get th' guahds down 'eah? They ran awf in some othah room.
>”Yes, they're in custody now. Cloudrunner has them being brought to the Nightguard barracks. White was with them. He said he's sorry and that he was just doing what he had to.”
Good. Real glad yuh decided ta show awf, Blue. Made this a whole helluva lot easiah.
>The door to your cage clicks as it's surrounded by a bright aura of magic.
So's that about wrap it up then, Celly?
>”Yes, that's about it.”
Aight. Then that just leaves one last thing fuh me ta do.
>Before anyone can react you slam your fist into Blueblood's face.
>He collapses unconscious.
That's fuh wastin' my fakkin' time with th' shittiest fakkin' conspiracy evah.
11/
 
>You lean in to Celestia's ear.
Di'n' even threaten ta' expose me aw you girls. I was at least expectin' 'im ta have an ace up 'is sleeve.
>Celestia looks back at her nephew's senseless form.
>”I was nevah really wurried about that happenin' because a' him.”
>She leads you back up into the pub, changing back to her courtly speech once there are guards in earshot.
>”What about White? He was your friend, wasn't he?”
He was protectin' someone impawtn't to 'im. Can't hold that against th' guy, really.
>You smirk.
Plus I was dupin' 'im just as much as he was me. No hahm no foul, I say.
>The Princess lets out a laugh.
>”Ever loyal, Anonymous. I'm glad your little stunt paid off. I would hate to have to send for you in Boardor in the midst of whatever show of a coup my nephew could have mustered.”
Hey, I coulda brought back anothah tapestry faw yuh.
>She turns red and jabs you with her hoof.
>The two of you make your way back to the castle.
So what now?
>There's a glint in Celestia's eye.
>”Now? Well I think you've earned some time off. How's a game sound?”
A game?
>”Ottowa's playing us at the Garden tonight. I can get us tickets if you-”
>You leap onto her in the middle of the path.
We gonna get drunk and fight some Canadians?
>”Only if you promise to buy me one of those foam bear claws.”
Deal.
End