>Day If You Ignore It, It Isn't Happening. In Equestria.
>Get up.
>Ignore previously getting up due to the unholy liaison between best friend and enemy chuckling outside.
>Time Turner is not within your domicile.
>The house is too quiet.
>Shower.
>She's planning something.
>Or maybe she stole the keys from him.
>Stop being paranoid.
>Shampoo Mohawk.
>Rinse, Lather, Repeat.
>Hum something.
>Mario Bros Theme?
>You miss video games.
>Dry off.
>Get dressed.
>Make breakfast.
>Eat breakfast.
>It's still dark out.
>Something is happening.
>Your mind runs through a few key scenarios you probably saw in movies.
>Time Turner in a head cage and Fluttershy asking if you'd like to play a game.
>Time Turner getting stabbed frequently in the chest while Fluttershy chants your name.
>Time Turner in a bathtub full of ice missing his kidneys.
>You hate your old human roommate for enjoying movies above the PG-13 rating.
>Only the nightmare fuel moments linger with you.
"Hey...y-you guys here?"
>No response.
>It's not like they could be hiding in here.
>You're just spazzing out because you know something bad is going to happen.
>But if you lose your cool she wins.
>And you can't let her win.
>Because you were doing so good man.
>So damn good.
 
>Go to work.
>Arrive early.
>Mayor Mare trots up early as well.
>Walk-and-talk.
>"How's life going eight-oh-eight?"
"G-good sir."
>You go to the break room and start a pot of coffee.
>Saves bits.
>Mayor Mare lingers at the water cooler.
>You lean against the counter while the coffee begins to drip.
>She sips some water.
>"So...how're 'things'?"
"Uhm..Pr-pretty good."
>You look around the break room.
>The coffee is dripping into the coffee pot.
>She scrunches her face a little.
>"I've been good too."
"Oh! S-sorry sir, h-how're you doing?"
>She smiles and nods.
>"Thank you for asking, eight-oh-eight, I'm doing quite well. Been looking at your spreadsheet ideas for better time management and some possible re-election polls--"
"Don't you run unopposed."
>She laughs.
>"Well yes, but someday I might not and I think you might just be my secret weapon."
"...I didn't propose anything y-you shouldn't be doing already."
>The coffee is taking forever.
>You swallow a little saliva.
"And did you get those out of my desk?"
>"Well yes, eight-oh-eight, I did. I apologize for not asking but I was working late and well you know."
"Know what?"
>"How one might get a little peckish and maybe just maybe you might have a candy bar or--"
>Minuette is standing in the door frame of the break room carrying the box of donuts.
>"I KNEW IT. Mayor Mare, stop going through my desk for gum."
>Mayor Mare blushes a little.
>"It's only when I'm working late!"
>"Y'know for the longest time I thought it was this jackhole!"
>Minuette sets the box on the counter and then elbows you in the crotch.
>"Been giving him shit for that."
"O-ow...I t-thought you hated me because of the t-timetable thing."
>Minuette considers this and elbows you in the crotch again.
>"Well that didn't help, eight-oh-eight."
>Mayor Mare laughs.
>Coffee is done.
 
>Work goes on without a hitch.
>You finish everything within the first few hours.
>Try your hand at remembering how to draw Dilbert.
>You don't remember his head being that weird.
>Get bored.
>Doodle up some tie designs.
>You make one of the ties eat the other ties.
>Feel the cold hard stare of a superior boring a hole through your body.
>"I didn't get to finish talking to you, but I have a spare minute. If you'd come to my office."
>Mayor Mare is already walking back to her door when you turn your head.
>Well you aren't getting fired.
>That's a negative outlook.
>You're the best worker here.
>She probably wants to give you a raise.
>Though she might not have the ability to do so.
>Plus that wouldn't fit in the budget logistically.
>Maybe a bonus.
>Company...carriage?
>Heck, maybe you'll finally be getting something with walls instead of just a desk.
>You go into her office and it's as opposing and utilitarian as always.
>She's got a big smile on her face.
>And big ol'stack of papers on her desk.
>Don't freak out--not that you would--this can only be good.
>"I have some bad news."
>FUCK EVERYTHING.
>ABORT.
>You start to tremble.
>"You'll need to pack up your things."
>You can't feel your heart beat anymore.
>OH GOD.
>YOU KILLED YOURSELF
>...Wait no, no you didn't.
>Though you're clutching your chest.
>Wrong side too, dumbass.
>"Because you're getting a new desk with a file cabinet in it!"
"HAHAH YAY! That's...th-that's great."
>She coughs.
>"I forgot you're...really bad with jokes."
>Try not to act like a spaz and what happens?
>This happens.
"S-sorry sir. Just uh...rough night."
>"I thought you went bowling?"
"I d-did--not tell you about t-that. How do you know about that?'
>She giggles a little.
>"Word gets around, -casanova-."
 
>Mayor Mare winks at you.
>It makes you feel all nervous and wrong.
"...Did Derpy tell you?"
>She shakes her head.
"The school teacher?"
>Nope.
"Time Turner?"
>Negatory.
"Please tell me it wasn't Fluttershy."
>"Well it wasn't Fluttershy...why was she bowling too?"
"Among other things, sir."
>Mayor Mare waves a hoof to dismiss the whole issue.
>"Regardless, pack up your stuff tonight and put it in the storage closet. You'll have a new desk by tomorrow."
"B-but sir I didn't requisition one...I d-didn't even do the paperwork."
>She puts a hoof to her forehead.
>Maybe you're aggravating her.
>"I realize that. I put it forward. You're very productive and you need more room for a potentially large workload. When my re-election campaign kicks up in a few months I'd like you to assist me as a..."
>She takes a breath.
>"Campaign manager."
>BE STILL YOUR ACHING HEART!
>YOU PUT IN THE HOURS!
>YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!
>BIG SMILE.
>SLICK THAT HAIR BACK.
>You straighten your shirt.
"Why thank y-yo---Why thank you sir. It is an honor to even be considered."
>"It'll be a lot of work for a minor financial sum...long hours. We'll be spending a lot of time together."
>She winks again.
>You quirk a brow.
>"You didn't...freak out."
>You take a breath.
"Well sir, this isn't my first campaign. Trust me...I'll f-freak out plenty when I'm trying to manage it."
>She laughs at this.
>"Good, you're dismissed."
>You walk to the door and then stop.
"Wait...so who told you I went bowling?"
>"Oh, Minuette did."
"...how does she know?"
>Mayor Mare just grins.
>"Ask her yourself, Mister Manager."
 
>You walk over to Minuette's desk.
>She's typing on her typewriter. Two keys.
>Somehow making complete words.
>She looks at you over her shoulder and then spins herself around and leans on the back of the chair.
>Her horn glows.
>The typing continues.
>"What."
"...f-firstly if you c-can do that why--How do you know I went bowling?"
>Minuette shrugs.
>"Seems like something a loser would do."
>She grins.
>You frown.
"You're a cl-class act, you know that?"
>She rolls her eyes.
"But seriously, how do you know?"
>"Uh, I have a social life?"
>She changes out papers on the typewriter without using her hooves.
>Or breaking eye contact.
"Did fl-Fluttershy put you up to this?"
>She bursts out into laughter.
>Like what you just said was hilarious.
>Rather than possibly terrifying.
>"Nah, yellowquiet isn't exactly one of my galpals."
>Yellowquiet?
>Nicknames are weird.
>Then again, you're Moose.
>Go figure.
"So..."
>"I was the one watching Little Miss Dink."
>Well now you sort of feel like a jerk.
"O-oh...Well t-thanks for that, I mean I know you and I d-don't really get along but--"
>"Cram it, eight-oh-eight. She's my neighbor. We do this shit all the time."
>Somehow this information doesn't make you feel as good as it should.
>"You gonna keep staring at my pretty face or can I get back to work?"
>She watches your girlfriend's kid when you're goofing around with her.
>You should probably be nicer to her.
>Even though she hates you for things that are not your fault.
"M-maybe I can help you out?"
>"How's that?"
"Y-you got any extra work...or leftover work? S-since I'm not picking up the slack anymore."
>"You gonna rat me out to the Mayor?"
"As long as it gets done she shouldn't really care."
>"Then why is this even an issue to begin with?"
>She stops typing with magic and opens a drawer.
>She levitates out a big blue folder.
>"You wanna get off the shit list, I could use a second set of eyes and work on this."
>It floats over to you, just out of reach.
>You reach for it and she stops the magic act.
>It's heavy.
>"Taxes and some other...well you'll see. Don't screw it up or you'll never get laid."
>You blush.
>"She wants me to watch the kid this weekend. Spoiler alert. Get to work or I'll need to shampoo my mane."
 
>You skip your lunchbreak to work.
>Haven't done that in a long while.
>Pack up most of your own paperwork for the eventual desk replacement.
>Look over some of the blue folder.
>Earnings reports by city ward.
>Census data--well that'll be inaccurate.
>Water usage and other minutia.
>Minuette's taxes, which she has done none of the filing work for.
>Some other mares and stallions taxes that require a once over.
>A Miss Bon Bon, Cheerilee, Lyra Heartstrings...
>Twilight Sparkle--wow she's rich, Rarity---not so much.
>Applejack--she can write off a lot of these things.
>You get the feeling that Minuette probably offers to do people's taxes for cash and lets them get lost in the bureacratic wheels.
>Fuck it, you were a double major.
>In the lamest subjects.
>Crack-a-lackin' taxes. Aww yeah.
>...You're not lame. You have a girlfriend.
>Just never say these things out loud.
>Because she will leave you.
>Because that was -lame-.
>Finish up the bulk of the work before leaving.
>Still have the shirt-stealing Miss Sparkle and the rest of the folder to deal with.
>You flip through the remaining pages as you get ready to go.
>You've got Fluttershy's taxes.
>It's a voyeuristic sort of grin that crawls across your face.
>The ideal blackmail material in case she ever--
>Holy crap.
>You look the page over again.
>Well she said she was a model but seriously.
>She's got so many dependants listed.
>Angel Bunny, Mr.McBiteypants, Hippolyna...the list goes on.
>Curious.
>Put your stuff in the closet but keep the folder with you.
>Stop by Minuette's desk before leaving.
"Hey, I got most of this done."
>"...Seriously?'
"Yeah, took me like four hours."
>"Don't you have work to do here?"
"I f-finished it before lunch."
>"...You've gotta be screwing with me."
>You hand her off about a fifth of the folder.
"G-glad I could help...gonna finish it tonight."
>Minuette shrugs and smiles.
>"Be my guest, eight-oh-eight."
 
>Head home.
>Today wasn't a bad day.
>Got a sort of promotion.
>Big responsibility.
>Learned the wheel you've got to grease to bang your girlfriend.
>...bang your girlfriend.
>That's not how you talk.
>Make sweet love down by the fi--No.
>...You haven't even really considered the logistics of it yet either.
>She's a flying horse.
>You're a human.
>Disregarding so many other possible issues, this could be painful.
>And you've never really had sex.
>From a non-being-raped perspective.
>What if you freak out during it?
>What if it reminds you of Fluttershy doing all those terrible things to you.
>Unlock the front door.
>Open it.
>So that's what Time Turner's penis looks like.
>You WERE NOT CURIOUS IN THE SLIGHTEST.
>Oh god it's like a glistening black eel.
>Oh god why is this even a thing.
>Fluttershy's just rubbing all of her hooves on it.
>You drop your folder and just contort your face in horror.
>ON YOUR FUTON!
>WHICH YOU SHARED WITH HIM LIKE A BROTHER.
>WHY...why did you expect anything different.
>He snaps out of the zone.
>He sees you.
>He locks eyes with you.
>Time Turner then looks at Fluttershy.
>She looks at him.
>And then she looks at you.
>"W-w-wanna j-join in m-mister? I've got f-free w-wings."
>Time Turner shakes his head and pushes her aside.
>He goes into the bathroom.
>Awkward seconds pass.
>Fluttershy holds up your sheets, blushing at you.
>"..h-how was work?"
>A minute passes.
>"...s-see I c-can be nice in a commited r-relationship...if you t-thought I couldn't be."
>Another passes.
>"I mean...you're off--I can kiss better than her mister, I'm sure of it! Ask Time Turner!"
>Time Turner exits the bathroom.
>His head is soaked.
>"Don't go in there yet, Moose. I've got to...mop up."
"Did...did...did..d-d-did not need to KNOW or EVER SEE THAT!"
>He blushes and clears his voice.
>"Flutterbabe, go wait outside."
>She looks at you.
>"Uhm...b-bu--"
>"And don't stutter."
>She forces a smile and flies past you.
>She licks your cheek as she exits.
>You pick up your shit, slam the door and lock it.
>"Pretty great, am I right?"
 
"NO. NO DUDE, this is the o-opposite of g-g-great!"
>He sputters and looks like Rodney Dangerfield as a horse.
>You know that expression.
>"...okay so I know you didn't wanna walk in on that."
>You blink and you can still see it.
>Oh god, that's gonna replace some of the body horror nightmares of R-rated movies.
>And it'll be worse than seeing Freddy Krueger when you were little.
>"Moose, just hear me out."
>You don't want to hear him out.
>You want to punch him.
>And you know it'll hurt your hand.
>"I'm taking your silence for an okay to go on."
>You can feel your eye twitch.
>"Okay! So. Here's the plan. Fluttershy wants you. Something -bad- buddy. And she thinks that if she gives me a buncha hoof jobs and money and shows up around here with me, you'll come running back to her."
>You can feel the twitch overtake most of your face.
>Are you having a stroke?
>Possibly.
>"---so I get a tug job, free money, and she only shows up when I tell her too. You can set your watch on it, Moose! I already have."
>He winks.
>Goodness look at the time.
>It's puke-o-clock.
>All over the carpet.
>"Is that because you saw my dick?"
>And you stained your shirt.
>It's that didn't eat much puke.
>Very painful.
>"I told you you couldn't handle it. I mean, I was joking. But that had to be bigger than one of your arm--"
"S-STOP TALKING."
>You take a breath.
"Just...stop talking."
>You go over to the kitchenette and sit at the table.
>Set the file down on the table.
>"Do you want me to...like, leave or something buddy?"
>No. You don't.
>You want to punch him.
>You're not used to this feeling.
"No. Just...go clean up your mess. Burn the sheets."
>"Burn the sheets? That's sort of dramatic, don't you think?"
>You just look at him.
>He winces.
>"Y-yeah...sorry buddy, didn't mean for you to see it like this."
"Well it happened."
>You look back at the futon.
>You can still see it happening.
"I'm going to see if Derpy will let me crash on her couch...I can't deal with this right now."
 
>You change your clothing.
>You don't go in the bathroom.
>Wash your face in the kitchenette sink.
>Put on a coat.
>Grab your file.
>Step outside.
>Fluttershy is reclining on the bushes, looking quite pleased with herself.
>"S-so mister...r-ready to come crawling back to Momma?"
"I'm leaving."
>She shoots up and grabs the shoulders of your jacket.
>"Where?! WHY!? I'm s-sorry Anonymous I j-just...c-can I come with you?"
"No. G-Good Heavens lady, I'm going to my girlfriend's house."
>"...to f-f-fuck her?"
"No. Wow. No. Just...n-no. You know what? Fluttershy."
>You push her away and take a step back.
"You just have a great night with Time Turner."
>She whimpers.
"B-because if there's one thing w-we both know. That's not a f-functional relationship. It's built on barely a day and you-you're already d-doing terrible things."
>She looks down at the ground.
>You feel a strength in you.
"And s-since we're -so- much -alike-, we b-both know you'll k-keep at it until you finally snap."
>She looks you in the eye.
>"See...y-you know me s-so well..we'd be so h-h-happy, mister."
"Fluttershy."
>You take a breath. No stutters. No spaz.
"The only thing that'll make me happy, is never seeing you again."
>You feel a smile.
"Maybe that's what I'm into. Maybe you could do that for me."
>She smiles small and then narrows her gaze.
>"That's never going to happen mister. You'll find another way to love me."
"Agree to disagree. And good-bye."
>You depart your doorstep.
>Off into the wild world of half-way across town to where Derpy lives.
>You really should've called first.
 
>Dinky greats you at the door.
>"Hi Mr. Moose!"
"Hey Dinky, how's life?"
>"Pretty good. I made some pictures in class today. And I wrote a sonnet."
>That's pretty advanced for grade school.
>The sonnet part.
"What'd you draw?"
>"A baryonx."
"A what?"
>"It's a dinomasaur."
>Well. Learn something new everyday.
>Like apparently this place had dinosaurs too.
"Is your mom home?"
>She looks over her backside and shouts into the rest of the house.
>"HEY MOM IT'S MR.MOOSE AND HE'S GOT A BIG BLUE THING AND HE WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE HERE!"
>A shouting house.
>You can relate.
>Never got to shout much.
>You can hear Derpy saying something and then she sticks her head out of a backroom.
>"I'll BE OUT IN A MINU--HI MOOSE!"
"H-hi Derpy."
>Dinky looks up at you and clicks her tongue.
>You click your tongue to shave and a hair cut.
>She clicks hers to two-bits.
>She giggles.
"I g-got a promotion today."
>She gasps.
>"Did somepony lose their job?"
"Oh...no. I m-mean...I don't think so."
>"How come you smell like throw-up?"
"I ate some bad guacamole."
>"Guacamole?"
"Gwah-co-moe-lay."
>"Gwah-co-moe-lay."
>She giggles again.
>"That's a weird word. Can you spell it?"
"Nope."
>"I can probably spell it. I'm going to be in the spelling bee!"
"That's great Dinky. Do you want help practicing?"
>"But you can't even spell guacamole."
>You nod a little. That's some logical thinking.
"Well I can give it a shot or...flashcards?"
>Derpy trots out of her room and greets you at the door with a smile.
>Dinky cuddles up against her.
>"What's happening Moose?"
"Uhm...it's a roommate issue."
>Derpy giggles.
>"Do you need to camp out here, Moose?"
"That'd be great."
>Dinky and Derpy share a big grin.
>And in unison they shout.
>"SLUMBER PARTY!"
>Dinky tilts her head.
>"Wait, I have school tomorrow."
>And once again in unison.
>"SLUMBER PARTY but then GOING TO BED EARLY!"
>You do a little fist pump.
"Y-yeah!"
 
>You play some boardgames with the Hooves clan.
>Derpy likes the pony-equivalent of Trouble.
>Because she gets to push the button in the middle.
>And she makes a goofy noise whenever she does it.
>Dinky finds this delightful.
>And eventually she is put to bed.
>You get comfortable on the couch.
>Derpy flies up and flops down on you.
>Bubbly-you-will-never-learn-how-to-mack properly make-out session.
>Aww yeah.
>"Hey Moose...I was wondering if maybe you wanted to spend the weekend over here."
>Oh right.
>"Because..."
>She wipes a drool trail from her lips off your face with a hoof and gives you those off-kilter bedroom eyes.
>"We're dating and...it's been awhile--wait no, no not like that just uhm...uh...poop."
>She lays her head on your chest.
>This your chance to be supportive.
>Prove your worth.
>Make a move.
>You stroke her chin and plant a kiss on her forehead.
"Uhm..i-if y-you think I'm ready, then...s-s-sure."
>She has such a soft smile, it warms your heart.
"I'm just...I've never done this before."
>She puts her hooves to her cheeks.
>And she grins.
>She's not shocked that you're essentially a damaged goods virgin.
>Woo. Hoo.
>She flutters up and flops her butt to your face.
>She scooches a little and presents her butthole and vagina.
>It's an...awkward angle.
>"It's real easy...just put your tongue in it and...uhm, well it's like talking but don't talk."
>Well this is an escalation.
"D-d-Don't talk."
>"Oh! And don't blow it in Moose, that's wicked bad."
"Uhm..."
>"Just for pr-practice Moose."
>You grab her haunches.
>You lean forward.
>And you stick your tongue inbetween those folds.
>And it feels...weird.
>"PBBLLT"
>You recoil immediately, your face contorted in horror.
>Derpy is laughing.
>"I did that with my mouth!"
"Y-you j-jerk!"
>She giggles and flutters back around.
>She pins you down and plants a kiss on your forehead.
>"But it was funny, right Moose."
>You deadpan.
"I'm laughing my pants off."
>She blushes, caught off-guard by that.
>You blush too, realizing what's been implied.
>Spend the rest of the night snuggling.
>She sleeps on top of you on the couch.
>And you sleep a good long time.
>Without any interference
>from Fucking Fluttershy.