>Day Brethren Afore Harlots in Equestria
>Be Sir Anon the Stalwartly
>You are off duty today from slaying daemons and generally giving evil doers what-for
>Life in Ponyville is certainly crazy, but it comes with its own merits
>Stepping out into the cool morning air, you find your kindly friend tending to her flower bed
"Hail, Fluttershy! How grows the petunias?"
>"Oh, Sir Anon! They're doing well ever since you saved them from that bunny stampede."
>You laugh a hearty laugh and rest one leg on a stump
"Of course, my dear! Of course! It is but my simple duty to protect the denizens of this wondrous place!"
>Fluttershy trots happily to you and you place your hand out so that she may touch her nose to you
>She really enjoys the simple greetings in life
>"How did the fight against the Jabberwock go?"
"He was certainly a worthy foe, but he ended up on the wrong end of my mighty spear!"
>You make a thrusting motion upward and then a pulling motion back down
"He shan't threaten your animal companions any longer!"
>Fluttershy sighs lightly in parts sadness for the lose of life and parts ease
>"So, I see you aren't in your armor, are you on vacation?"
"Vacation? Perhaps! But, should evil arise, I will be thrust back into action at the moment's notice!"
>"Oh, good, I was thinking of going into town today. Care to come with?"
"With a friend as you at my side? I cherish the thought!"
>With that, you two set off down the road from her cottage
>You arrive in the market place without much evil raising its ugly head on the way
>"That walk made me a little thirsty. I'm going to get a drink."
>A drink would be an excellent way to start the venture through the market!
>You follow your yellow friend to a nearby bar and she orders a sodas
"My good fellow! I would request of you a stiff cider!"
>The pony quickly mixes up a drink and passes it your way
>A sip burns your throat and leaves the aftertaste of cedar wood fermentation on your lips
>"Oh, Anon, I think that mare down there is watching you?"
"Hmm? What makes you think that?"
>"She pointed to you and then giggled with her friends. Oh my, maybe she likes you?"
"Of course she likes me! Everyone does."
>"No, silly, I mean, likes-you likes you."
"Perish the thought, my dear. I have eyes for but one pony in this great nation."
>"Anon, I never knew. Who is it?"
>Fluttershy's cheeks grow as rosy as the gardens of her home
>You take a swig of the potent drink before speaking again
"I have seen her but once while slaying a hydra. Her mane shined like the night sky, her eyes were as blue as the mighty ocean, and her coat, as pale as porcelain! Never have I witnessed such radiance, such magnificence! Alas, I never learned her name. A pony like that was truly a rarity."
>"Oh, you mean Rarity?"
"Yes, that is what I said. She was truly a rarity to behold."
>"No, no, I have a friend who sounds just like that! Her name is, 'Rarity'."
"I see... Does she live far?"
>"Not at all! Oh, how wonderful, I never knew you had feelings for somep0ny."
>The alcohol sticks warmly in your gullet before traveling upwards to your head
>"Let me just pick up some tomatoes really quick and we can go see her in a little while, that is, if you want?"
"Certainly, my incredible friend, certainly!"
>You smile at her as she walks on
>Fluttershy finds her tomatoes quickly enough and meets with you
>"Look, Anon! Only ten bits for three tomatoes. I am surprised at how cheap vegetables are today."
>You laugh, more about her calling the humble tomato a vegetable and not a fruit than anything
>In your infinite wisdom, you forgive him in your head
"Lead on, my compatriot!"
>You head down the lane and to a larger section of town
>Stopping in front of some large building, you peer over to Fluttershy
"This is where the majestic creature lives?"
>"Um, yes. Just for a heads-up, Rarity really like jewelry and white roses. She's very ladylike, really."
>You grade this information through your head and smile
"A true damsel!"
>"yes, exactly."
>You rap on the door with a balled fist quickly and await
>Before your very eyes, the door opens and the mare of your dreams appears
>"Um, yes, hello. Can I help you?"
"M'lady! My name is Anonymous and I have come to ask you for the honour of going out with you this evening?"
>You sit upon one knee with your hands help up to her and your best smile plastered to your face
>"Oh, uh... That sounds... lovely! But, oh goodness, would you look at the time. I really must be going..."
>The love of your life closes the door on you with little ceremony
>Dragging yourself to your feet, you turn and walk from her doorstep
>A tear nearly fills your eye, but you do not cry!
>"Oh, poor Anon. Don't worry, maybe Rarity just needs to warm up to you?"
"You are right, my friend. I must move slower and with more grace!"
>"I could, um... you know, talk to her, if you want?"
>You smile widely and nod your head
"Yes, yes, that would certainly help!"
>You step back and watch as Fluttershy approaches the door
>A soft knock catches your ears and you watch the door open again
>Fluttershy begins speaking and waving her hoof back and forth
>She points to you and smiles before returning to her friend
>Rarity's magnificent eyes light up as she stares at you
>Fluttershy smiles before trotting back to you with a triumphant grin
>"Hey, Anon, she said she would love to date you if she could see your cutie mark."
"Fluttershy, you know I have none!"
>"Don't worry, I got a plan!"
>Fluttershy produces a marker from her saddle bag and tells you to get behind the brush
>You do so and lower your pants just enough to see your side
>Your otherwise shy friend makes a few quick marks on you look down at your new, "cutie-mark"
"A bull's-eye?"
>"Um, yes, it stands for, um... Being focused?"
"That sounds a lot like me, yes. Thank you!"
>You run your hand through her hair and she blushes
>"G-go get her, champ!"
>You valiantly stride to the awaiting mare at the doorstep and she forcefully pulls you in
"Hello, once more! I am glad you have given me the chance to..."
>"Shh, shh, that is not important right now, darling. Let me see -it-!"
"My cutie-mark, correct?"
>"Yes, yes!"
>You pull down your trousers enough to display the drawn mark and smile
"I take it that the lady appreciates a focused gentleman?"
>You hear a laughter and feel a tug at your pants
>A hoof pushes you forward and you land on your hands and knees
"M'lady! What is the meaning of..."
>You are cut off by a sharp smack across your butt and you turn your head to see Rarity standing behind you
>"Fluttershy knows me too well! A stallion who enjoys submission. What luck!"
"W-wait, madame! I was here to..."
>You feel a tight collar wrap around your neck and you are yanked to one side
>"Darling, struggling only makes my little toy harder. Now be a good dear and bend over."
>The last thing you see before you are violently loved by your beautiful object of desire is Fluttershy winking at you from the window
>She holds up a small sheet of paper with some scribble on
>It reads simply, "The safety word is, 'Banana'."
>Without another word, a tongue presses into your backside and lubes you up
>You try not to grunt as the expert mouth swabs you deeply
>Tonight, you fear that you will be the one on the wrong end of the spear
>Damnable Fluttershy!