>You are Anonymous
>And boy do you hate this job
>Normally you’d work at Sweet Apple Acres, but they don’t need you this time of year
>Twilight said she would pay you if she could conduct some research
>You tried this arrangement once, and left as soon as she told you to take your clothes off slowly
>The Cakes didn’t have the budget for another employee
>And Yellow Quiet….
>Ugh, let’s just forget about that
>Right now you’re currently employed as a waiter
>At a pirate themed restaurant 
>You sigh
“…..Argh…Hello and welcome to The Hot Monkey Dock.”
“I’ll be your waiter tonight.”
>You smile with your notepad ready
>Pip and his parents stare at you
“Before you ask, I’m an ape not a monkey.”
>They still stare at you
>Pip frowns
>”Why aren’t you talking like a pirate?”
>Oh right
>You hate talking like a pirate
>But it’s a requirement for all employees, along with a mandatory pirate outfit
>Even the cook has to abide by these rules
>Your outfit was made for ponies, so you look more like a stripper pirate or something
>Your boss is...eccentric
>Well, okay, that’s just a fancy way of saying she’s an asshole
>Because she is
“I’m not a pirate. What would you like to drink?”
>Pip turns to his parents
>”I don’t like this place very much…”
>The parents nod in agreement
>They all walk out of the restaurant
>Whistle innocently
>You look around to see if she was watching
>Your boss hasn’t yelled at you yet, that’s a good sign
>Well, that didn’t go so well, but it can’t get any worse than this
>A customer enters the establishment
>She takes a seat nearby
>It’s Banana Hush
>You suppress a groan
>Tonight is going to be a long night
 
>Walk on over to her
>Fluttershy waves at you in a shy manner
>”Hi, do you come here often?”
>You don’t say anything
>Stare at her
>Her face turns a bit red as she realizes her mistake
>”I mean, isn’t your pen-*squeak*!”
>Fluttershy bites her lips in a worried manner
>”Isn’t this place…. nice?”
>It’s a dump
>What is she doing here?
>Something tells you she’s not here for the dock
>She’s here for the dick
“Go home.”
>The shy mare gives you a hurt look
>”I’m a customer here.”
>She says something else but mumbles it
>You lean in
>”I’m also here because of a certain h-hot monkey.”
>She licks your face
“Aaaah!”
>Move away and wipe your face
>This is just going perfect
>What next?
>”Aaaargh! Anon get yer flank in me office!”
>Her call echoes throughout the restaurant
>Shit!
>You shoot Fluttershy a dirty look
>She shrinks away in her seat
>Looks your boss isn’t too happy
>”Hurry up ye scallywag, or you’ll walk the plank!”
>Roll your eyes
>You apprehensively walk to her office
>Well if you could even call it that
>It’s just a desk in the far corner of the restaurant
>There’s no seat so you stand in front of her desk
“You wanted to see me?”
>Berry Punch nods slowly
>Looks like she’s drunk
>Again
>Berry scrunches her face at you
>Sigh
“You wanted to see me… ’captain’?”
>She nods slowly
>”First ye make me lose me customers, ‘cause ye claim not t’ be a pirate.”
>Ah shit, guess she did see that
>”Then, yer rude to this new customer!”
“She’s crazy! You have to believe me-“
>”No! No excuses, scallywag!”
>Yeah of course she wouldn’t take your side
“Alright I’ll serve her…..”
>Screw this pirate speak though
>Berry Punch seems to have read your thoughts
>"Silly lad! We don't speak like landlubbers here! Even if ye got the hot monkey part down, it don't mean ye can't speak like a pirate!"
"Come on Berry. Ponies come here to get served some food..."
>Berry Punch frowns
>"*hic*! Aaaargh! That be mutiny! That’s Captain Berry to ye, Cabin Boy!”
>Berry Punch burps
>“ They don’t just come for t’ food, they also come for us swashbucklers!”
"Ugh...."
>"Laddy do ye want to keep yer job?"
>Sigh
"Yes"
>"Well then! Ye either have t’  stop talkin’ like a landlubber..."
>She gets a sultry grin
>Berry Punch walks away from her desk
> She turns around, and presents her-
>Oh god!
>"Or you can plunder me booty~."
>Shudder
>Talk like a pirate it is
"Ay ay, captain I'll go serve those ...landlubbers..."
 
>You walk back over to Fluttershy
>She smiles at you as if nothing was wrong
>You turn around slightly
>Berry Punch is watching
>Sigh
“Aaaargh! Welcome t’ The Hot Monkey Dock! I’ll be…. yer um captain tonight.”
>”Oh my.”
>Fluttershy eyes are filled with glee
>”What can I get ye lass?”
>She blushes
>”You’re a big stud of a pirate!”
>Fluttershy makes a fake gasping noise
>”A-are you going to ‘pillage my village’ mister?”
>You’ve already lost your patience
>You need a way to tell her to fuck off
“Fuck off.”
>She hangs her head
>You hear someone clear their throat from across the room
>Berry Punch glares
“Fuck off, landlubber.”
>Your boss smiles, but then realizes that you’ve insulted a customer
>Oops
>Pat Fluttershy’s head
>The yellow pony stops moping
“Anythin’ ye want t’ drink little lassy?”
>”N-no thank you, I’m not thirsty….”
>Fluttershy smiles sweetly at you
>”But, I am hungry for um…y-y-y-you.”
“I’m not on te’ menu aaaaargh.”
>Sigh
>”Well um Mr.Pirate~ what would you recommend?”
“ Nothin’ it’s all rubbish and fool’s gold.”
>You motion to the other tables
>An older pony frowns at some culinary nightmare served to them
>”These onion rings taste like a fried boot!”
>Someone from across the room calls out
>”My meal IS a fried boot!”
>Another responds
>”They burnt my shake!”
>Fluttershy purses her lips
>”Goodness, this place doesn’t seem very nice.”
>Nod
>”Why would anyp0ny come here?”
>You look around
>Break character
“Because the ‘Crab Special’ is the only thing worth having.”
>Fluttershy looks shocked
>”C-c-crabs? They serve crabs at The Hot Monkey Dock?”
“Well you of all ponies shouldn’t be squeamish about meat, but it’s not real crabs anyway.”
>”Then what is it?”
“Some mash up of stuff shaped like a crab.”
>Fluttershy blinks
“There’s a secret formula that makes it taste good.”
>Fucking formula
>There’s some asshole who tries to steal it every day
>Berry Punch always catches on to his schemes and he never wins
>It uncomfortably reminds you of your encounters with the yellow menace
>”I’ll have the Crab Special, and maybe a side order of your um p-penis.”
“Go to h- Argh…. Go to Davy Jones Locker.”
>You’re not sure if this counts as pirate talk in Equestria
>Fluttershy looks confused, but then hopeful?
>”O-Oh my~. Are we going to meet there, and explore the depths of my-“
“No!”
>Grit your teeth
>Deep breath
>Just calm down
>You write down the order for the Crab Special
“Thank ye lass erm….Fluttershy. I better get a good tip out of this.”
>Fluttershy rubs her hoof along the table slowly
>She blushes and whispers
>”If you want a good tip captain, you’re going to have to…”
>Fluttershy turns around and raises her flank
>1 bit is poking out of her cunt
>”….’Dig up buried treasure’ mister.”
>She winks at you
>Not with her eyes
>You’re already walking away, hoping that you can drown that memory in rum
>Oh god, you’re becoming Berry Punch at this point!
>You cast aside those troubling thoughts as you enter the kitchen
>Smells like it’s never been cleaned before
>Mostly because it’s never been cleaned before
>Berry Punch, and Cook says it makes things thematic
>Good thing there’s no health inspectors in Equestria
>….
>Actually no, that’s a terrible thing
“Cook, we’ve got another Crab Special.”
>Cook nods, but narrows his eye at you
>He’s wearing an eyepatch
>In Cook’s case it isn’t a costume though
>And you remember not to confuse it for one
>It’s a touchy subject for him
>”Mother of pearl, Cabin boy!”
>He grunts and spits into a pan of whatever it was he was cooking
>”Yer talkin’ like some landlubber!”
>Groan
“Look Cook, the ocean is a train ride away. We’re all ‘landlubbers’!”
>Cook huffs
>”Ye see? Yer yappin’ and whinin’ like one before me own eye!”
>This is pointless
“Just go back to cooking.”
>You storm out of the kitchen
>Just focus on the job
>And staying in character
>You take more orders, and serve some food to customers
>Until Yellow Quiet’s order is ready
>Well, you knew it was coming
>Just let her make a pass at you, and it’ll be over soon
>You carry the Crab Special on your hand
>Fluttershy doesn’t seem to be at her table
>In fact she’s currently flying around you
“Argh…..um What are you….ye doing?”
>”I had to use the little filly’s room.”
>Fluttershy says barely above a whisper
>”Is that for me? It’s wonderful Anon!”
>She nuzzles your chest
>You shift away awkwardly
>You motion that you’re carrying a plate
>Fluttershy blinks innocently, but notices that you’re vulnerable
>She darts behind you and starts nibbling on your ear
“Stop!”
>”*mumblemumble* I am your rival I am, Pink Mane the pirate, mister.”
>Your adversary coos and nuzzles your face
>Oh boy now she’s roleplaying or something
>If you hear one more poorly placed pirate pun you’re going to lose it
>Fluttershy whispers in your ear
>”If you want to d-defeat me you have to impale me with your little privateer Anon.”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
>You drop the plate, and it smashes into pieces
>The food is ruined too
>A roach scurries out of the pile of fried junk
>Ugh, guess sometimes Crab Special does come with a little meat
>You’re breathing heavily
>It’s time to tell her off!
“I suggest you get the- “
>Right
>You exhale and calm down a bit
>Stay in character
“I mean walk the plank, wench!”
>Fluttershy retreats into her mane, and squeaks
>”Anon! I’ll throw ye overboard!”
>You jump at that, and gulp
>Berry Punch trots over to the two of you
“Listen, she’s only here to seduce me!”
>”Belay that talk! Why are ye treatin’ tis lass so poorly?”
>You just told her why!
“She’s stalking me, and keeps trying to force me into sex!”
>Berry Punch chuckles heartily
>Your boss puts a reassuring hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder
>”Fret not lass, me scurvy-brained lackey here will do whatever ye ask of him.”
>What?!
>Fluttershy squees
>Berry Punch turns to you
>”Am I right?”
>You want to protest
>However, you’re conflicted now
>You’re debating whether to listen to her
>Berry Punch decides for you by nudging you away from the table
“Look Berry, I don’t think allowing Fluttershy to order me around is such a good idea.”
>She’s having none of it
>”Boy, if I see one more incident of mutiny from ye.”
>”Then ye can kiss yer sailor mouth and flank goodbye!”
“I figured, …captain.”
>Grimace and start walking to Fluttershy’s table
>Berry stops you again
>By spanking your ass with her tail
>”One more thing.”
>You sigh
“Yes?”
>Berry takes a swig of rum
>”Anon be not a good name for a pirate!”
>”Yer gettin’ a new title!”
>Well may as well pick one out
“I know a good one, how about Black Beard?”
>She blinks
>“Aaaaaargh! That be soundin’ like a wimpy name!”
>Really?
“Davy Jones?”
>”Hahahah! Even worse!”
“Long John Silver, Jack Sparrow, Captain Hook, Black Bart?”
>Berry Punch bursts out into laughter
>”What next are ye gonna suggest renaming me restaurant?”
>Oooooh…..
>You were planning to suggest that in the near future
>Seriously, every day you hear that hot monkey quip
>Mares also keep trying to put bits down your pants
>You’re not so sure if it’s because of the restaurant’s name or just ponies being weird
“Actually, I was thinkin’ thee Salty Spitoon would be more suitable, savvy?”
>Berry Punch starts tearing up in laughter
>Facepalm
 “Okay, what…erm…..be… a better name for me cap’n?”
>She stands up and smiles proudly
>”Spanker the Monkey!”
>You give her a shit eating grin
>Just bear with it, you need the bits
>That doesn’t stop you from giving Berry Punch the middle finger however
>Your boss looks confused
>”What are ye’ doin’ with that Spanker?”
“It’s a pirate salute in my world.”
>Berry Punch burps and grins
>”That be sweet of ye lad~.”
>She gives you a sultry smile
>You ignore that
>Hopefully you can get through this without losing it
 
>Fluttershy luckily didn’t order you to have sex with her
>Not that she could
>However she’s arranged a sort of pseudo-date
>You’re sitting down with her as she nuzzles into your side
>The two of you are looking at a stage
>The Hot Monkey Dock has a small stage where anyone is allowed to perform
>It’s usually a chaotic mess
>Aside from a few regulars
>The current performance is finishing up
>It’s some drunken guy singing like Jimmy Buffett
>Scratch that
>It sounds like Jimmy Buffett getting fucked in the ass
>By Randy Newman
>You stare at Fluttershy
“I’m not having sex with you.”
>Can already feel Berry glaring at you
“Shiver me timbers, I don’t want t’sleep with ye.”
>Fluttershy pouts and hugs you tightly
>”But Anon, I want to be your ship as you sail through the ocean called ‘life’.”
>What
>She gets quieter
>”A-and a good captain always goes ‘down with its ship’.”
>You don’t dignify that with an answer
>This is torture
>Her tail brushes across your thighs
>You slap it away and she eeps
>Fluttershy keeps going
>”If you want you can ‘swab my poopdeck’.”
>She rubs her flank on you
>God damn it!
>You whisper to her
“A poopdeck has nothing to do with your pooper!”
>Fluttershy ponders that for a moment
>”But it is the part of the ship farthest to the back….”
>You’re not going to debate this
“Forget it, I’m not having sex with you!”
>Berry Punch walks past the table
“I mean, argh I not have a need for such a ship.”
>Berry Punch looks satisfied but adds
>”Ev’ryp0ny ships the two o’ ye though.”
>Fucking Berry Punch
 
>A few minutes pass and a new performer is on stage
>It’s some pony who keeps trying to tune her guitar
>She’s a regular
>The tuning takes 1/3 of the entire performance
>You wish she would just tune the guitar ahead of time
>It doesn’t help that she only uses her hooves to tune it
>And to play….
>Right now Fluttershy is bored enough to start bothering you even more
>She’s constantly sneaking in feels for your crotch
>You even caught her about to lick your face
>You need to give her another distraction
>Her behavior starting to get to you
>Push away a stray wing for the hundredth time
“Fluttershy ye should try some rum.”
>Fluttershy looks uncertain
>”I don’t know, I’m not much of a drinker…”
>You give her a pleading expression
>She smiles a bit sheepishly
>”Oh….okay.”
>You grin and serve her some rum
>Fluttershy drinks a bit
>You’re hoping she’ll get drunk by the second glass
>Turns out after a few sips she’s already drunk
>Fluttershy forces her lips on yours
>Her tongue runs across your mouth
>Prying and poking for an entrance
>You turn your head and break contact
“Blimey! Are ye mad?!”
>Fluttershy shakes her head and giggles uncontrollably
>”I’m *hic*Captain Pink Mane, m-mister!”
>She runs her hoof across your chest
>”Aye...hehe~ and I am going to get what I want!”
>Yellow Quiet’s face is now uncomfortably close to yours
>Her ear flicks your forehead and she breathes on you heavily
>Push her away a bit
>”J-join my crew Anon…..”
>She gives you bedroom eyes
>”You can be my……”
>She bites her lip in an attempt to look seductive
>Makes her look constipated
>”…First mate.”
“Yeeeeah, how about no?”
>Fluttershy frowns and mumbles to herself
>She looks nervous
>Takes another sip of rum
>”Y-you’re going to *mumblemumble* and we’ll even have a p-parrot!”
>You’re confused
>She whistles and a parrot flies into the restaurant and lands onto her outstretch foreleg
>It squawks loudly
>Fluttershy has a determined look on her face
>”*squawk* Try to escape! *squawk* Try to escape!”
>Fluttershy finishes
>”And I’ll turn on my r-r-rape!”
“We’re in public idiot, I mean, dumbass, I mean scurvy-brain.”
>She seems too drunk to care
>The parrot flies up to you and starts pecking on your forehead
>Raise up your arms in defense
>You glare at Fluttershy
“Try to rape, and you’ll get outsmarted by an ape.”
>Slap the parrot away
>It screeches and flies away from your table
>Fluttershy gasps
>”Anon! *burp* H-how could you? This is um…mutiny?”
“I was ne’er part of yer crew.”
>Fluttershy purses her lips
>”W-well that was very mean of you, Captain Anon…or erm Sp-spanker?”
“Don’t remind me, lass. Cap’n Anon ‘ll do.”
>She blinks
>”Okay.”
>The parrot has flown above the performer pony
>The mare finally finished tuning
>She’s strumming away on her guitar in a spastic manner
>The parrot shits on her head
>”Aaaaaaaaah!”
>No one seems to care, but her
>She gallops away
>Fluttershy looks guilty
>”Oh no….it’s all my fault.”
>Are you feeling a bit bad for her?
>What’s wrong with you
“How about I go an’ perform?”
>You venture and shrug
>Fluttershy looks up at you happily
>”How wonderful! Of course you should!”
>You nod and approach the stage
>You know a song that should work
>Once you’re on stage there are a few wolf-whistles
>Even a request to take off your pirate clothes
>What the hell is wrong with these ponies?
“Ahoy, ahoy everyone I be here te sing ye a song.”
>Clear your throat
>This will fit perfectly
>You start tapping your foot
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We pillage plunder, we rifle and loot.
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot.
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
>You smile
>The crowd looks confused
>Are they just in awe?
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We extort and pilfer, we filch and sack.
>Maybe they’re just unfamiliar with this
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
Maraud and embezzle and even….
>An audience member coughs
>No one is impressed
……highjack.
Drink up me 'earties, yo….. ho.
>You finish the song while blushing brightly
>Hope for applause
>You hear a loud chirping noise
>Stomp your foot
>A cricket crunches under your shoe
>Ew….
>This place is so infested
>There are rats too
>Berry Punch brought a whole bunch into the restaurant
>To apparently “simulate the conditions of a pirate ship” to paraphrase
>At least that’s what she tells you
>You step off the stage and smile awkwardly
>Exhale sharply and sit down with Fluttershy
>”That was…nice.”
“It be quite awful, no need to lie.”
>You ignore her attempts to reassure you and look at the stage
>Another pony appears on it
>It’s Pinkie Pie
>She’s wearing some fake snout
>What’s she going to do?
>She starts hopping around
>”First you jiggle your tail! Oink oink oink!”
>”Then you wriggle your snout! Oink oink oink!”
>”Then you wiggle your rump! Oink oink oink!”
>”Then shout it out! Oink oink oink!”
>Everyone is making oinking sounds
>They love it
>You think it’s quite annoying, hopefully it’s over
>But no
>Things can never be that simple
>She performs that same verse
>For THIRTY MINUTES
>It’s like nails on a chalkboard
>FINALLY she finishes
>Pinkie Pie bows
>The crowd asks for an encore
>Pinkie Pie giggles
>”Okey Dokey Lokey!”
>”First you jiggle your tail! Oink oink oink!”
>”Then you wriggle your snout! Oink oink oink!”
>All the ponies are dancing and bobbing their heads
>”Then you wiggle your rump! Oink oink oink!”
>Even Fluttershy is bobbing her head
>On your crotch
>Wait what?!
>”Thar she blows!”
>Berry Punch calls out
>You look down
>Fluttershy has zipped down your pants and is licking your boxers
>She’s attempting to get it off, and nuzzles your crotch constantly
>”Then shout it out! Oink oink oink!”
“FUCKING STOP THAT!”
>You violently push Fluttershy off of you
>She squeals and whimpers
>Everyone in the restaurant stares at you
>Pinkie Pie thought your anger was directed at her
>She walks off stage, dejected
>Berry Punch stomps over to you
>Ah shit
>”Spanker! Ye bilge-sucker! What be te’ meanin’ of this?!”
>Point to your crotch
>”Ho ho! So lass, ye be interested in me cabin boy?”
>Fluttershy hides behind her mane and mumbles out a “yes”
>”It’s gonna cost ye.”
>Fluttershy’s eyes widen
>”Oh! Um I’ll give you whatever y-you want miss!”
>What the fuck?
“Whoa! Time-out! I am not a whore!”
>Berry Punch chuckles
>”But yer a cabin boy….”
“Okay….so?”
>Your boss grins
>”In te’ old days colts were only brought along fer….pleasure.”
>She licks her lips
>Really?
>Fluttershy lightly slaps your bottom
>God damn it
“So I’m a …..wench?”
>”Exactly! Why else would I have ye wear such small shorts!”
>Inspect your outfit
>You’re wearing super-short shorts
>And a vest with no shirt
>Oh….
>You thought they just didn’t have clothes that fit you
>Now you just feel silly
>But that explains a lot
>Especially mares trying to “tip” you
>Fucking role reversal society
“Okay, but I’m not having sex with Flutterbutt!”
>”Yer job depends on it!”
“NO! FUCK THIS I QUIT!”
>Spit on Fluttershy and Berry Punch
>Storm out of there and never look back
 
>You’re taking a nice shower right now
>It’s been a couple days since you quit working at The Hot Monkey Dock
>Luckily you were able to land a new job
>Hopefully it won’t suck as much
>Ugh
>Though…
>You are going to miss a bit of the pirate stuff
>It held a certain charm, and though you hated being forced to act in-character all the time
>It is a bit fun acting like a pirate when you feel like it
>You lather up your hands and begin to scrub yourself
>You begin to hum a familiar tune
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s17XDrKuqc4
>You can’t help but smile as you do so
>Then something is thrown at you
>It’s a ninja star!
>No wait…it’s a condom
>Throw back your shower curtain
>Fluttershy flies at you
>She’s wearing a ninja outfit
“Aaaaargh! You not be screwin’ me this time Flutters!”
>Did you just talk like a pirate?
>Ah screw it
>You then start humming He’s a Pirate again
>You block her attempts to pin you down
>She unwraps the condom and goes for your cock
>You dodge her, and then cockslap her face
>”Eep!”
>She flutters down in defeat, but shakes her flank at you
>”You’ve defeated me mister. Time to r-ravage me.”
“No! What are you even doing here?! Why are you wearing that outfit?”
>She whimpers at your yelling
>”Um I got a new job at this restaurant.”
>She smiles weakly
>”It’s a requirement for all *mumblemumble* um all….employees.”
>…
“What is this place called?”
>”Um the….Crouching Wolf, Hidden Duck?”
>No….
>NO
>She smiles
>”I’m looking forward to working with you mister.”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
>FUCKING
>FLUTTERSHY