>It's a brand new day
>And the sun is high
>All the birds are singing
>No one's gonna die
>Go downstairs
>Check cupboards
>Nothing
>Again
>Knocking on your door
>Well, it's the shit cherry on top to the start of a bad day
>Answer it
Hey Fluttershy....
>She has a basket of a bunch food in her mouth
>Motions for you to take it
>Yellow pone has been buying food for you, and giving you other gifts when she isn't trying to rape or guess your fetish
>It almost makes up for her other spaghetti-filled moments
>Take basket
>Put food away
So what's the fetish or rape attempt this time
>She shakes her head
>"Um A-Anon, my sweetie. I was thinking that tonight you and I can go on a picnic."
>She gives you the bedroom eyes
No thanks, late night picnics aren't my thing. You'll spend the whole time trying to find my fetish anyway.
>"Oh...okay."
>"Well, have fun at work. I'll be back this evening."
>She leaves
>She winks at you
>Not with her eyes
>Shudder
>Head off to Sweet Apple Acres
>Stopped by a mint green pony
>"Um hi Anon, I was thinking we could go on a date....I'm sorry I'm just nervous about being rejected."
>Ponies aren't your fetish in general
>But you don't see the harm in one date
>You feel almost bad for her that she's worried about asking you out
Okay I accept. Thank you, Lyra.
>Arrange to go to some diner much later in the evening
>Do work
>Finished for the day
>Head home in the evening
>Fluttershy is waiting for you there
>She's pouting
What?
>"A little birdie told me you are going on a date with somep0ny."
So?
>"You said you don't like ponies in that way..."
I don't I just don't want to hurt Lyra's feelings
>"But you always reject me...and it hurts..."
Actually we did go on a date once. It was bad. like spaghetti everywhere bad.
Besides, I can reject you a thousand times and you'll still make a pass at me.
>She pecks your cheek
>Groan in annoyance
>"I-is rejecting me your f-fetish?"
>What
No. Anyway, I don't have time for your fetishes go home. I've got a date.
>"Alright mister, but don't let her do bad things to you. Be safe."
>She then puts a hoof to her mouth as if planning something
>You don't like that look
>Oh well, her plans always suck
>Time to get ready
>Time passes
>Date begins
>You've cleaned up and you meet Lyra at the diner
>You both sit down
So, Lyra...well I'm not much to look at, what made you so interested in me?
>"I just find your physical form fascinating, and I want to get to know you more."
>"Your hands must really shape the culture you came from."
>With her eyes, she studies your hands resting on your sides
>"...and the instruments you play."
I'm no musician myself, but yeah there were some great one's back home. Judging by your cutie mark you play the lyre?
>"Yeah, it's my passion."
Maybe, you can teach me sometime. By the way it sounds, I haven't been putting my hands to good use.
>Lyra smiles
>"That would be great. Anything to get you outside for something other than work eh?"
>"You're usually so aloof and holed up in your house."
>You laugh
>If only she knew
Yeah, that's thanks to Fluttershy. Ugh, she's...clingy and....very ...touchy.
>Don't want to directly mention the fetishes and rape
>The concept of talking about rape and fetishes on a first date...
>Well any date really, just no...
>Lyra smiles
>"My friend Bonbon is overly affectionate too, she can take up a lot of my time as well."
>Lyra rubs her head nervously
>"Actually, I was worried you and Fluttershy were dating when I asked you."
WHAT?!
>Lyra jumps in surprise
>Whoops
Sorry, sorry. Um just no...we aren't...
>Lyra sighs in relief
>"You two are always hanging out, I was actually going ask her about dating you."
>"Heck, you two are like best friends."
>For some reason you can feel your jimmy's rustling in another universe
>Chuckle nervously
>This is getting uncomfortable
>The waitress clears her throat
>You both turn to look at...
>Fluttershy?!
>Well it's Fluttershy in a really bad disguise anyway
>You narrow your eyes at her
>Fluttershy's lips make little micro kisses at you
>Lyra seems to be fooled by Banana Hush's disguise (Which is just Fluttershy in a wig and with sunglasses)
>The mint pony doesn't notice the little facial exchanges between you and Fluttershy
>"So um, hello Miss and very attractive human that I've never met before...."
>"I'd like to take your order if that's okay with you."
>Lyra says
>"The usual."
>Flutter-Waitress looks panicked
>Lyra helps her out
>"The fruit salad with some sweetened ice tea please."
>You try to play along for now
>Before you can say your order Fluttershy already knows what you wanted
>She knows you that well, sadly.
>"Don't worry Mr.Handsome, one spaghetti dinner with a side of garlic bread coming right up."
>She winks at you, this time with her eyes fortunately
>She walks away
Lyra did anything seem strange about that waitress to you?
>Not sure if you should make a big deal about it but...what the fuck?
>This sort of shit happens in bad sitcoms
>"She seemed fine to me."
Oh alright. Well, I'll be right back I have to go to the bathroom
>Go to the diner's outhouse
>Fluttershy is waiting for you there
Oh! So you know I'm already going to be looking for you huh?
>She blushes and kicks her hoof at the ground
>"Actually, I um just wanted to peep on you peeing..."
>Hides behind her mane
>You face palm
Well, now that we're here I have a few things I'd like to say...
>Clear your throat
What the ever-loving-fuck! Are you trying to sabotage my date?! It's one night! What is your problem?!
>Fluttershy squeaks and flinches at your verbal assault
>"I'm sorry Anon, but I'm not here to s-sabotage the date..."
Then why are you here?
>She suddenly raises herself up tall and beams at you
>"I'm here to make this the best date ever for you!"
For the love of- wait what?! Aren't you a bit unhappy that I'm dating Lyra and not you?
>"Yes, I am."
Aren't you jealous?
>"Oh like you wouldn't believe, mister."
So then why...
>"Well, I think part of the problem you have with me is ummmm...well you might not think I care about you."
>Gee you wonder why
>Yeah nothing says you care like trying to rape someone
>"I do care about you, a lot. And I want you to be happy and to show you that I care I will make this date a success."
What are you playing at?
>She hugs you
>Move away from her
>"I promise. Nothing mean."
>Come back from the outhouse
>Sit back down
So, um you want to know more about my world?
>Lyra gets a big grin that kind of freaks you out
>"Yes!"
Well, where do I begin...
>Tell her all about things on Earth
>The good
>The bad
>The beautiful
>The ugly
>The picture you attempted to give her was not one of a super happy place and neither a grim dark hopeless world.
>Instead the picture you gave her was Earth
>Plain and simple
>"Wow! Some of that stuff sounds amazing!"
Yeah in a few ways my world can be weirder than this one.
>As if Equestria wasn't happy of being out-weired it decided to do something that will ruin your night
>You both hear some crappy music playing
>Some band that wasn't here before seems to be playing in the far corner of the diner
>Wonder how ponies keep sneaking in here and why the manager doesn't care
>"Yeeeehaaaw! Now we'll be taking requests all night!"
>See Fluttershy still in her waitress disguise give the singer pony a paper with her wing
>Uh oh this is gonna suck
>"Well everyp0ny we got our first request for the night!"
>"It's a song this little waitress wrote and it's uh dedicated to: Ummmm an attractive human...? Whatever that is and Miss Lyra..."
>He takes a breath
>Banjo player begins strumming away
>Yup these are the sorts of bands Ponyville has....
>It's in the country after all...
>"Oh Mr.Human I think you're one sexy beast."
>"Lyra is a good choice for you."
>"Just be sure to consider that shy mare at the least."
>Sigh
>Of course she would endorse herself
>"Your date is great and we support you through and through."
>"Mr.Human, make sure to be gentle with her."
>What the hell?! It's a first date!
>"I've heard you've got quite the kick."
>"Though it's not her, I prefer."
>"Miss Lyra is very lucky to get hot monkey dick-"
Stop the song! Stop the song!
>Music abruptly stops
>The singer of the band looks confused
>"We've been singing 'bout a monkey thing? Well that explains how the graphic detail in the next ....69 verses of the song are possible."
>They shrug and go back to playing normal music
>Lyra either wasn't paying attention to the song or actually liked the lyrics because she looks disapprovingly at you
>"They were doing just fine Anon."
>You disagree that shit was awful, but it's not why you're upset
That's not the problem. It's Fluttershy she-
>"What about Fluttershy? I know you two are close, but you're not with her tonight."
>Lyra looks hurt
>"You're here with me."
That's not what I meant. She's sabotaging the date. Maybe not intentionally, ugh, but she is.
>"Yeah, you can't seem to stop thinking about her."
No! I mean literally. I know it sounds dumb....and...ugh I'll be right back
>"Why?"
I have to talk to-
>No don't mention Fluttershy
>Use bathroom excuse again
I have to talk to the bathroom- I mean uh!
>Retreat
>Head to the outhouse
>Outside of outhouse
>No sign of Fluttershy
>Enter outhouse
>Still no sign
>....
>Unzip your pants
>"Oh my."
I heard that.
>"Eep!"
>She is suddenly beside you and startled
Fluttershy, what the hell are you doing?
>"Well I wanted to ..um see you."
I wanted to see you too
>She presents you her marehood
>It winks
Not like that!
>"Oh..."
>You still get a boner though
>...God damn it
Fluttershy when you said you were going to help this date become a success.
>You feel a headache coming
What made you think writing a song with over 69 verses about me and Lyra in graphic detail would help accomplish that?
>She blushes at you
>Her wings shoot up
>"Well...it's things I would ummm *mumblemumble* ...uh th-things I would like to do with...you."
So you assumed Lyra would like the same?
>She nods
>You shake your head and begin to walk away
>"W-wait! Anon I promise I'll fix this! You'll see."
>Well you'll see something alright
>But her fixing this?....She has a better chance of finding your fetish
>Sit back down where Lyra is waiting
>Lyra seems to have calmed down
So, enough about me. What about you?
>Lyra beams
>She tells you about musical career
>Musicians she admires
>Ambitions
>She's quite nice
>It's a bit too bad she's a pony
>Fluttershy disguised as a waitress comes over to the two of you
>Seriously how is she pulling this off?
>Where is the manager?
>"I um am sorry to inform you, that your orders will be delayed."
>Lyra's ears flatten and she looks quite sad
>Her overreaction is really cute
>"So, as a consolation we will give you this giant shake for free."
>Flutter-Waitress balances the shake on her wing and sets it between the two of you
>It has two straws
>Lyra looks absolutely giddy
>She's a fan of sweets and soft drinks from what you can tell
>You're a bit reluctant to do that whole drink from the same shake thing, but it won't kill you
>You both begin drinking, Lyra is looking up at you
>She is studying your every expression
>You are looking at her two although you're more impressed that this shake tastes like nutella
>Suddenly you seem to be sucking in air and a little bit of spittle
>What the hell?
>Turn to see Fluttershy has a straw connected to yours
>Flip out
Agh! What the hell!
>Flutter-Waitress panics and the shake topples over on her
>Lyra gasps
>"Anon! That's so rude!"
What?
>"She was test-tasting it and you just startled her so callously."
>Oh come on!
>Flutter-Waitress has already gone out of sight
She didn't even ask
>"Yes she did! You just weren't paying attention!"
Look remember when I was talking about the sabotage-
>"No that has nothing to do with this!
>It has everything to do with this
>This time you're gonna let yellow butt have it
Bathroom
>You leave for the outhouse...again
>Inside the outhouse again
>Unzip your pants
>No sign of Fluttershy this time
>What are you going to have to do?
>Something else?
>.....
>........
>Begin stroking your member
>"Good boy, Anon."
>She whispers in your ear
>Feel a hoof caressing your scrotum
>Slap it away
I only did that so I could talk with you...
>"Oh, well d-don't worry mister it's perfectly natural and healthy for you to...."
>She bites her lip
>"Relieve yourself~"
I don't care right now! I'll admit the shake thing was a nice touch, but why did you connect our straws?!
>"Well, she said I could have a taste..."
>She fumbles her hooves together nervously
Oh so you got all clever with the wording, huh?
>Point a finger at her
>Glare
You know damn well she meant the shake...not me.
>Fluttershy lowers her head in shame
>"I'm so sorry! I couldn't help myself you're just so...."
No, I suggest you stop this now.
>"But Anon, um I already set in motion your dinner dishes. Or well dish in this case."
>Don't like the sound of that
Well that's just great.
>She doesn't pick up on your sarcasm
>"Oh I know right! It'll be so romantic!"
>She nuzzles you
>You just leave at this point
>Time to go back to Lyra
>Poor Lyra
>She never asked for this
>Go back inside and sit by Lyra
Uh sorry about all the bathroom breaks
>Lyra just shrugs her withers
>"I'm just going to assume you had something earlier that disagreed with you."
>Glad she's not making a big deal out of it
>You two talk about family for a few minutes
>Then Flutter-Waitress makes her appearance
>She has a large plate of spaghetti and puts it in the middle of the table
Wait, where is Lyra's fruit salad? And uh this sure is a lot of spaghetti...
>Flutter-waitress perks up
>"Oh well um the staff and I saw you two h-hitting it off so well, we thought that this dish would be very romantic between the two of you~"
>Still wondering how the manager allows this shit to happen
>You look to Lyra
>She actually looks pretty ecstatic over the whole thing
>You were expecting worse from Fluttershy, but you're not complaining
>Still not too crazy about eating from the same plate as a pony
>Especially since they sort of dig right in
>Oh well
>You both begin eating the spaghetti
>At the corner of your eye you see Fluttershy across the room with a record player
>The song begins and it's that one from Lady and the Tramp
>Bella Notte
>How does it exist?
>And why do you have the feeling things are going to get worse from here?
>Lyra's giving you bedroom eyes now
>You kind of don't like that look on ponies
>Fluttershy is motioning for you to kiss her
>Shake your head
>Fluttershy motions harder
>Ignore her
>Keep eating the spaghetti
>Fluttershy comes over
>This time with champagne
>She pours a glass
>As she does so she whispers in your ear
>"Pssst Anon if it's okay with you, you need to eat the same string of pasta so you can ummmm kiss her..."
>Whisper back
I don't want to
>"But Mister-"
No, it's a first date anyway.
>You whisper back
>Lyra seems confused at your exchange
>She can't hear the two of you but notices you talking
>Flutter-Waitress is freaked out and forces the champagne into Lyra's mouth
>Lyra gasps
>"Geez, lady no need to force this down my throat!"
>"Sorry! Um it's just *squeak* Mr.Human here doesn't want to kiss you."
>Son of a bitch
>Lyra frowns a little
>"Well, we've set the mood why wouldn't he want to kiss me?"
>Uh oh
>"Because um uuuuuuuuh."
>Fluttershy knows but can't really give away that she knows me
>It would blow her cover
>Not that there's much cover to blow anyway
>Fluttershy stutters for a bit
>And then slams your head and Lyra's heads together forcing you two into a spaghetti filled kiss
Mmmmmph! Mmmmmmph!
>You try to pull away but Fluttershy is keeping you two in place
>Lyra doesn't seem upset and is actually kissing back
>Her tongue isn't in your mouth but it's still freaking you out
>Flail a little
>Pull away
>Now you're pissed
Damn it Fluttershy!
>Gasp
>Cover your mouth
>Fluttershy covers her's
>Lyra's eyes widen
>And then they narrow
>"Did you just say...Fluttershy?"
Um maybe loo-
>Lyra grits her teeth
>"No! You look here Anon!"
>"You like Fluttershy that's fine!"
>"It only makes sense!"
>"But if you wanted to be here with her, you should have just gone with her!"
No, no no that's not it at all!
She's been sabotaging the date
>Pull off wig and sunglasses
See?
>Lyra looks shocked
>Oh come on! It was obviously Fluttershy!
>Ponies, why are they so naive?
>Lyra then huffs
>"So I bet you two were planning to come here or something, and you just wanted to spare my feelings?"
No! No! I declined her offer for a picnic date!
>"Don't lie Anon, why would you even decline a date with her?"
>Deep breath
Because I'm not attracted to ponies and don't seek a relationship with one...
>Lyra's mouth gapes
>Several moments pass
>"So....why are you here with me then?"
I didn't want to hurt your feelings
>She shuts her eyes and shakes her head
>"Honestly, I'd have prefer you did reject me..."
>She sighs
>"What were you going to do? Waste our times? Lead me along until I care about you, and then break it off?!"
>"You tell me, Anon!"
>Fluttershy hasn't moved and looks extremely sorry for you
>She's hanging her head in shame
>Lyra clears her throat
>"I'm going home, Anon."
>She gets up and leaves
>A minute of silence passes
>Bury your face in your arms
Well, Fluttershy I hope you're happy....
>Fluttershy approaches
>She whimpers
>"I'm sorry Anon."
You're probably not. You didn't want me to be with her.
>Fluttershy looks into your eyes
>"Anon, I t-told you. I care about you. I wanted this date to be a success....and ummm I messed up...."
You're damn right you did. .....it was just one night.....
>You actually feel pretty depressed over this
>You weren't planning to be in a relationship
>But Lyra was nice and the parts without Fluttershy helping out were fun
>It reminded you of home
>Home where women were....
>Where you wouldn't have to be alone
>You can actually feel tears forming around your eyes
>To your surprise something is wiping them
>It's Fluttershy?
>"Anon, sweetie. Don't cry, I'll order anything on the menu you want."
>She sits down next to you
>Nuzzles your waist
>Sigh
>"No more fetishes for a little while okay?"
>That surprised and cheered you up immensely
>She rubs your back
>Some time later she appears with a cheesecake
>You eat it up
>She smiles at you
>You smile back
>She isn't always so bad
Thanks Fluttershy.....at least you tried....
>She blushes
>"Oh Anon you have some spaghetti on your face!"
>What?
>She licks a strand off and then puts the piece of pasta in your mouth
What the-mph!
>She's making out with you now
>Her tongue explores every inch of your mouth
>Turn your head and break the kiss
What the hell?!
>"You never got a chance to do the romantic kiss....so um.."
>Get up and leave
>Fucking Fluttershy