>you are Applejack
>its early evening and you are just packing up for the day on the farm…
>wasn’t an eventful day…
>heh, didn’t have to be after Anon spending a small fortune yesterday…
>wonder where that feller came into that sort of money?
>he hasn’t been at work the past couple of days.
>you shrug it off
>he wouldn’t buy anything unless he could afford it
>Feller is tighter fisted than Spike after he found Rarity’s swimsuit range
>you gather up the last of your tools and begin to move them towards the cellar
>as you get to the door you notice the lock is missing
>what in the hay!?
>you fling open the doors and run down the stairs
>you swear, if those fillies are trying to get their “binge drinking cutie marks” again you’ll-
>as you reach to bottom of the stairs you see anon…
>with his pants around his ankles …
>peeing into a keg of vintage cider…
>you stand, gobsmacked
>wait… yeh need to get your head around this….
>hold on a second!
>He’s ruining Apple Family cider!
>”ANON!! WHAT IN THE HEY ARE Y’ALL DOIN!”
>the human cocks his head around, his face drooping as if he is half asleep
>he sneezes, awkwardly placing his whole arm over his mouth and hiccupping quietly
>you frown
>or he’s drunker than Twi after half a mug….  
>he squints his eyes, trying to focus
> he looks confused, like he doesn’t what he’s doing, who he’s talking to…
>or how much trouble he’s in!
>finally the pieces fall into place and he grins widely, you see him shake twice
>he turns to face you, swaying in place….
“wats the crack Applejack?”
 
>Well…you know for sure that Anon doesn’t dye his hair
>”Uh….you forget something there sugarcube?”
>the human looks at you blankly…
“Huh…oh!”
>he pulls his pants up and begins fumbling with the belt buckle
>good…now that that distraction is out of the way…
“What in Celestia’s name are y’all doing!”
>you sniff the air…
>you can smell the methanol from here…
>”and how much have you had to drink!?”
>Anon raises an eyebrow, pointing to the ruined cider
“Of that pissh, bout a keg and a half…”
>well that explain-
“Like drinking fuckin water!”
 >he reaches into his backpack producing a bottle of clear liquid
“This stuff right here? Different story.”
>He takes a swig from the bottle
>Did he just insult your cider?
>”You listen here mister! Just because you don’t like something it gives you no right to come over here and do whatever you want!”  
>his looks hardens
“Well then maybe if YOU didn’t charge me and arm and a leg for your weak ass apple juice I wouldn’t have been compelled to add to your fine collection of piss!”
>”That’s not the point! Also, why haven’t you turned up for work this week!?”
“Cause it wasn’t constructive to the plot!”
>you blink
>”What!?”
huh?
>you know what….screw this…you’re going teach that no good varmint a lesson he won’t soon for-
>”Applejack?”
>you turn, seeing Big Mac standing the archway
>”What’s all the commotion about?”
>”Well I fou-“
“OH if it ishn’t BIG Mac….”
>Anon struts drunkenly over to your brother….
“I’ve got a bone to pick with you mate!”
 
>Anon forces his forehead into your brothers…
“What kind of dick goes about calling himself Big!?”
“You think you’re fucking better than me, yeh twat!”
>Big Mac shies away from his assailant…
>n-nope…
“Then why are you calling yourself big!”
>he pushes your brother causing him to fall back on his haunches
>”Anon!”
“You want to go “big” man?”
>the human raises his fist
”I’ll knock yer fuckin’ bollock in!”
>”ANON STOP! BIG IS JUST HIS NAME FOR CELESTIA’S SAKE!!”
>he stops holding his fist in mid-air
>he strokes his chin, pondering
“oh yeah, forgot all you p0nies got silly names…”
>he looks down at big back
“Ah, am sorry mate.”
>reaching into his back again he produces something wrapped and tinfoil
>he drops it at your brothers feet….
“Get that in yeh, it’s good stuff”
>the red stallion nods nervously
>the drunkard turns back to you
“You know…if you wanted Apple Bloom to be successful…you should have named her something like… Lawyer Bloom…or Apple President….”
>He destroy vintage cider….assaulted your kin and now he is insulting Apple Bloom…
>”Anon if you don’t get out of this cellar in the 10 seconds I swear I buck you to the edge of the Everfree and back!”
>the human stares at you
“Sorry not interested… saving myself for Flu-Ohhhh that’s what I was doing, gotta go see Flutts!”
>”I didn’t mean –“
I’ll see you later AJ-oh and here”
>grabbing a mug from the shelf he pours some of the bottled liquid
>he hands you the cup
“Get that down your gullet if you want some real drink.”
>he begins climbing the stairs hap-harzardly…
>singing some human song…
>something about a burning ring….
 
>you look at your bother, digging into the whatever Anon gave him
>”you okay Big Mac?”
>”Eee-yup” he says with is mouth still full
>you look down at the mug Anon left you…
>wait did he imply he was going buck Fluttershy?
>you lift the mug
>wow this stuff must be strong…
>well, what the hay?
>you down the contents of the mug
>as soon as the contents hit your tongue you feel your taste buds dissolving
 
>you spite most of the liquid fire out    
>GAH! What the hey is this? Rubbing alcohol?
 
>How can’t anyp0ny drink thi-
 
 
>wow nelly….who is shaking the room?
>That good fer nothing Anon…
>he thinks he can just come in here a do what he wants?
>you’ll show him!
>you look try to focus Big Mac….Mac’s….bout 5 of them….
“Big Macintosh….get mah rope….”
>you brother blush…or has he always been that colour?
>anyway he’s got that look in his eye
“Consarnit Big Mac I said it would never happen again!”
>the stallion bows his head, meekly says okay and sets of to find you’re lasso
>So Anon thinks he can piss in your cider eh?
>you’re gonna catch that varmint
>an when you do your gonna give him a buking he won’t soon forget!
>hehe
>that fancy human jucie finally let you see what flutershy saw…
>you’re gonna get some of that all right!
>you take the first step up the stairs
>sum hot monkey dock!  
>you slip and fall back down into the celler
>if you can get up those fucking stairs!
>how why are the moving this isn’t fair!
>fucking Anon!
 
 
>”Rainbow Dash you’re the best!”
>”We love you Dash!”
>”You’re the best at everything!”
>the cheers of the adoring crowds fill the air as you finish your triple rainboom backflip extravaganza!
>you land perfectly, causing them to rush around you, each pony clamouring to catch a glimpse of their Idol: Rainbow Dash!
>Champion of the Wonderbolts and renowned worldwide as the best flyer who ever lived!
>”Now now, there will be plenty of time for autographs”
>suddenly, the crowd hushes
>Just then the crowd parts, bowing to the approaching regal figure of Princess Celestia!
>she walks right up to you….
>and bows
>”Rainbow Dash, you are without a doubt the most awesome p0ny in the world…”
>you dust off your chest
>”Yeah, I am pretty brilliant…”
>”So awesome that I no longer believe myself fit to rule, thus I now relinquish the throne to you”
>at that the crowd burst into a deafening applause
>”LONG LIVE SUPER QUEEN RAINBOW DASH THE AWSOME!”
>well it’s about time!  
>time to check out the new digs
>you take off at the speed of sound, arriving at the castle in 10 seconds flat
>you burst through a window, coming to a halt at the throne
>you look around the grand hall
>roomy…
>a little too roomy
>you clap your hooves together
>”Bring me my concubines”
>in a flash of magic the hall is filled with ponies scantily clad in fine lace and silk dresses
>they dance slowly on their hind legs as the fabric slips gently over their skin
>yeah, this is the life…
>”SING! SING FOR ME!”
“I WANT YOU!”
>what?
“I NEED YOU!”
>what the heck? That isn’t coming from the eye candy.
“BUT THERE AINT NO WAY I AM EVER GONNA LOVE YOU!”
>wait….this is a dream isn’t it?
 
>”Ahhh”
>you awake with a start….
>you’re lying face down on the same could you decided to have a nap on
>you turn over
>dark…
>guess you must have slept in
“NOW DON’T FEEL SAD, ‘CAUSE TWO OUT OF THREE AIN’T BAD!”
>that sounds like Anon….an even more loud and obnoxious Anon, but Anon
>you peek over the cloud and sure enough you spot the human
>walking with the unmistakable stagger of somep0ny who is plastered
>and he’s singing with a slur
>and taking the road from AJ’s…
>this can only mean one thing, he got into AJ’s Stash!
>you grin
>and surely he’ll be kind enough to share with his good pal Rainbow Dash
>you fly down to the human, landing beside him
>”Hey Anon”
>the human stops, swaying in place as he looks for the source of the sound
>you frown
>must have forgotten that he is one of the tallest things in Equestria
>”Down here monkey boy”
>He looks down and smiles stupidly
>with speed you didn’t think possible from the human he swoops down and grabs you, hoisting you into the air
“Rainbow Dash! How are ye!?
>Celestia, his breath!
“Let me tell yeh, you are fast, like really fast…I don’t even know, man…”
>he hugs tighter
>can’t…breath
>”That’s…great….Anon…mind letting me go?”  
“Oh, sorry”
>he releases you, causing you to fall to the ground
>owww…
>focus Rainbow, time to get some of that delicious cider
>”Hey Anon have you been drinking?”
“Yup!”
>and you just back from Applejack’s?
“Eeyup!”
>”So, you got some cider you willing to share”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEE-nope.”
>the human looks disappointed at his own realisation
>”B-but…I need some…”
“Then how did you get drunk!? Are you holding out on me, Anon!?”
“Nahhh mate, you’re not getting me. I don’t got any orange pony piss to drink, and let’s face it, who wants to drink orange pony piss…”
>you blush
>”N-no one…”
>Anon smiles and looks at you through half-closed eyes
“Exactly…”
>he produces a half empty bottle of clear liquid
“Dis stuff….man…”
“DIS”
“FUCKING”
“STUFF!”
>he punctuates each word by poking the bottle roughly
“I mean, I am not even afraid to admit dat I think flutts is pretty hawt…”
>wow
>this stuff must be strong…
>”Are you sure about this stuff Anon?”
>the human bends down, raising an eyebrow  
“What are you…Scootlaloo?”
>”HEY!”
>you snatch the bottle from his hands
>”Gimme that!”
>you pull the cork out
>you show him, you’ll down the whole bottle!
>you bring it to your lips….
 
>Oh wow…
>that stuff didn’t taste like cider…
>it tasted like burning….
>the human picks himself up off the ground
>what was he down there for…?
>…
>oh yeah…
>you dropped the bottle as soon as the stuff touched your tongue
>and he dived...and caught it
>didn’t know he was that fast….
>cause that was pretty fast…
>I mean like zoom!
>or whatever sound falling fast makes….
>”Hey Anon, what noise does falling fast make?”
>the human dusts himself off
“You okay Rainbow?”
>”Ammmm fine, it’s fine everything’s fine.”
>bit dizy…better land for a sec
“Cause you look at little…slow?”
>what he say…
>you…can’t really…do….
>gah, change the topic
>”So Anon, wats you doing trotting about out here then?”
>the human looks at his quarter full bottle of booze, happy that there is nothing wrong with it he takes another swig
>he winces, wiping his mouth
“Oh, on mah way to Fluttershy…oh man, she’s got thighs from here to Timbuktu”
>…huh?
>”Wuts a Timbuktu”
>Anon shrugs
“A faraway place.”
>oh….ohhhhhhhhh
>wait did he just call Fluttershy fat?
>That jerk!
>you take of….a little shakier than usual, but still
>”HEY, if yur gonna talk ‘bout Fluttershy, then yur gonna anser to me!”
>you swing a hoof at his big dumb head!
>and miss by a mile….
>no wait, it was just a warning shot…yeah
“But Rainbow she IS fat”
>he just went out and….
 
>oh yeah, she’s a real porker…
 
>“Okay I’ll give ya that….but still…not cool man…”
>Anon straightens himself up
“I think of it as a compliment”
>”How ish calling somep0ny fat a nice thing?”
>the human grins stupidly, he gestures to come closer
>you do…
>he begins whispering in your ear….
>yuh-hu…
>yuh-hu
>ohhhhh
>OHHHHHHHH!
>yeah I’ve been there….
>haven’t done that….
>anddddddd that’s a bit much
>you push the human away
>”kay I get it….”
>Anon’s kinda fucked up…..
>still he’s got the right idea ‘bout getting laid…
>and you’re feeling bit more adventurous than usual
>”Hey Anon, I got to go….catch up on some studies….if yu know what I mean”
>the human nods happily….slowing down until he is simply staring at you
“…No….”
>you don’t have time for this
>you start flying towards town…at least you think it’s towar-
“HEY RAINBOW!”
>you turn
>”WUT!?”
“YOU OKAY TO FLY!?”
>am I okay to fly? Who does he think he’s talking to?
>you grimace
>”urrrr not the police of me….”
“You’re right! It’s probably fine”
>damn straight…
>you’ll show him!
>you start to speed up…
>and start shaking…
>and losing control…
>and start getting closer to the ground, OH FUCK!
>you slam down, face-first into the mud….
>strange…that should have hurt….
“HOLY SHIT! THAT WAS THE FUCKIN BEST!”
>huh?
“DO THAHT AGAIN!”
>you grin at the praise
>you meant to do that.
 
 
>you are now Twilight
>you are reading over the notes you took with Anon yesterday
>Humans…are not the nicest creatures out there
>what’s more worrying is the fact he describe these…”events” as acts of kindness
>what if he decides to show human kindness in P0nyville?
>he hasn’t done anything to raise concern so far but you still worry
>maybe you should send a letter to the princess to be sur-
>*CRASH
>violent vibrations accompany the noise, causing you to jump in surprise, scattering the notes
>what the heck was that?
>sounds like it came from the balcony
>better go see what’s up
>you head to the door, opening it slowly
>lodged between the banisters is Rainbow Dash…
>…covered in mud, twigs and leaves….
>”Rainbow, what happened to you?”
>She looks up; one eye is half closed…maybe it’s swollen?
>”Ah couple of trees jumped in front of meh.” She slurs out
>you frown
>she’s just drunk
>well, l best get her out of there
>you help untangle the blue Pegasus
>ugh, her breath….definitely hasn’t been drinking cider
>”Thanks luv, yur the best…”
>and she can barely stand….I didn’t know p0nies could get this drunk.
>maybe AJ had something in reserve?
>no, she would never just hand it out to rainbow or anyp0ny for that matter
>you look at your friend, trying to steady herself against the door way, breathing heavy, heaving slightly-
>”RAINBOW STOP I’LL GET A-”
>she throws herself over the railing
>you hear an unpleasant noise followed by the distressed cries of an unfortunate passer by
>too late…
>AJ wouldn’t brew something that would put anyp0ny in this state…something is not right here….
>wait…you’ve  read something about this…
>you rush back to your notes
>when I was talking to you…
>”Rainbow, who got you drunk?”
>”ahhhmmm not Celstia….sssear to drunk”
>you sigh
>”who gave you a drink then?”
>she staggers into the room, wiping her mouth
>”Wus Anon… guy wus pretty hammered himself.”
>oh no
>it’s just what you feared!
>Anon told you about the special drink that turned the Russians into supermen that had “Super fun time” across the eastern front
>you feel a hoof on your back
>”heyyyyyyyyyy”
>”not now rainbow I’m busy”
>if he has made this drink, does that mean he wants have “Super fun time” in Ponyville?!
>this is terrible!
>he could destroy-
>”Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy”
>you turn to your friend, noticing how dirty she really is
>how many trees did she hit?
>”Rainbow, you’re filthy!”
>the speedster grins
>”Yu bet a am.”
>”You’re welcome to use my bathroom to freshen up if you want”
>her wings attempt to pomf up but only get about half way up
>”Nah, I am ready to go whenever Twi…”
>huh….wonder what that means….
>any way maybe he doesn’t know he’s doing something wrong. After all, he did refer to these events as “The friendship of magic between nations”
>perhaps he plans to expand human kindness to Ponyville, not knowing of the potential outcome  
>you rush past your friend, gather notes, spell books….whatever might help
>ohhhhh this is bad!
>you hear a voice behind you
>”W-where yu goin?”
>”I think Anon might be trying to destroy Ponyville Rainbow, you can spend the night here”
>”B-but I though where are on the same page with that filthy thing…”
>what?
>you turn to face the cyan p0ny
>”I don’t know what you’re talking about Rainbow Dash...”
>She sighs
>”Fer an egghead you sure are dense….”
>rude….
>”so let me make dis clear….”
>”Ay”
>she stands on her hind legs, pushing her hooves into her chest
>”Wanta”
>she extents her fore-legs  
>”Fuck”
>she begins clumsy trusting her pelvis
>”Yu”
 >…
>Boy, that escalated quickly
>”Rainbow, you’re drunk.”
>”Urr sexy!”
>she takes a step towards you
>ugggh
>you turn away from the drunkard
>”I don’t have time for this Anon could be destroying Ponyville as we speak!”
>you hear her following you with an unsteady pace
>”You shuold be more worried ‘bout urself!”
>what is she talking about?
>you turn to meet her
>she is hunkered down
>”Rainbow what are yo-
>”Cause ima wreck ‘dat flank!”
>she pounces at you…
>if you were 3 feet to the right that is
>she picks herself up
>”No fair….using double team….fucking crutch”
>yeah you’ve had enough of this
>”Get some sleep Rainbow”
>you head to the door
>only to be knocked off your feet by a not quite blue flash
>looking at the door you see Rapebow Dash is blocking it
>”Nuh-uh, you’re not going anywhere”
>you frown and nudge
>she loses her balance, collapsing through the door
>you’ll apologise later but now you have to stop Anon
>you dash into the night
>”YU CAN RUN BUT YU CAN’T HIDE!”
>you hear rainbow shouting after you
>”I’LL GET CANDY VAG IF IT’S THE LAST THING AY DO!”
 
>you are now Spike
>you look dejectedly at the scene before you from your window
>yeah, gonna stay out of this one
>was bad enough they had to wake you….
>but they got you thinking….
>where’s that pilfered picture of Rarity modelling swimming suits….
 
>you are now Rarity
>you step away from the drawing board
>you’ve done it!
>It’s beautiful!
>this is your most fabulous design ever!
>This will make you famous!
>you grimace
>because apparently being a national hero isn’t enough
>oh well…
>you look out the window
>Dark…
>oh my you were so engrossed you completely lost track of time
>no matter
>all that’s left is to get this packed safely away and lock up the st-
“SOMEWHERE…BEYOND DE CEE!”
>what’s that horrible noise…
“SHE’S DER WAITING FER ME!”
>it’s getting closer….
“IF AY COULD FLY LIK BIRDS OH HIGH!”
>Just then a tall, twisted figure busts through the door
>steadying itself in the doorframe
>you scream
>”DEN STRAIGHT TO HER ARMS I’D GO SAILIN’!”
>…wait you recognise that voice…
>a little more obnoxious than usual, but still…
>”…Anon?”
>the creature lifts its head, sure enough revealing the face of Anon
>he looks a little…off
>he smiles
“What about yeh luv?”
>oh dear…
 
>the human walks across the room
>dragging mud in in with him
>”Ummm Anon…”
“Sorry to barge in here so late but ah need something new to wear.”
>you examine the human…
>filthy, covered in mud…
>”So what actually happened to you anon?”
>the human takes a sip from a bottle
“I wus watching Rainbow getting ploughed into the ground and sum got on me…”
>”Wha-what?”
“So basically can’t go askin’ Fluts out looking like a gypsy, can I?”
>Did he just admit to liking Fluttershy…
>you smile
>took him long enough, perhaps the time apart did it after-
>the human belches loudly, interrupting your train of thought
>he rubs his entire arm sluggishly across his face in an Ill-fated attempt to wipe his mouth  
>…or perhaps he’s had a tad too much to drink
>either way he’s right
>no way you can have him walking around like that
>”Okay anon, follow me.”
>you walk away from your work site
>”We’ll have you looking like a gentlecolt in no tim-“
“Hey Rarity.”
>”Yes darling?”
“Dis based on are lil banter?”
>no!
>you turn to see Anon hovering over your master piece
>”N-no darling that’s something I being working on for months…now if you wo-“
AHCOO!
>ahhh
>he sniffs
“Aww sorry luv, dat spa day got me sick as a dog, I’ll clean dis up”
>”No Anon, it’s okay just-“
>ignoring you the human starts rubbing the design with is arm…
>roughly…
>on damp ink….
>with his mud covered sleeve….
>”Anon could you please stop, I’ll handle it!”
>the human stops
“Ahhhh come on! Aye got dis”
>he takes one look at his work
>and the smile fades from his face
“You know wha? You handle it. I’ll pick out the clothes.”
 >He walks briskly away from your workstation…
>and towards your storage!
>”Anon would you please just-“
“Ahhh dis is Beezer stuff right here”
>you turn to see Anon with his hands on a piece of black fabric…at that bottom of the pile
>”Anon stop you’ll-“
“It’s fineeee”
Without another word her he yanks the roll out, causing the rest of your materials to fall to the ground….
>”Uh Anon-“
“It’s fineeeeeeeeeeeee!”
>he’s eyes wander across the room
“Gis dat!”
>he start staggering away from the ruin towards your hat stand
>managing to knock down every mannequin on his way
>”Anon can you please try to be more carefu-“
“IT’S FIIIIIIINNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Jay-zus!”
>arriving at his target he lifts a top hat
>throwing the fabric around his left side and placing the pilfered hat on his head
>you look at the human, clearly pleased with himself
>also apparently ignorant to the fact that he looks ridiculous
>like he is wearing a poorly made nightmare night costume
>but if it gets him out of here sooner….
>”Well darling you look…good?”
>the human  doesn’t respond, he only stares strangely at you
>like he is looking right through you….
>or past you!
>you turn, seeing what he is looking at
>no…
>not that!
>not the dresses you finished due to go out to Manehatten in two days!
>this is too far!
>you turn back to the human, rage burning in your eyes
>”Don’t you DARE you brute!”
>the human reminded of your presence looks at you for a moment….
>before putting on a ghoulish grin
 
>”ANON GET BACK HERE!”
>you are pursing the human
>how is he so fast?
>he could barely stand a second ago!
“LOOK AT MEH I AMA PRISSY DRAMA QUEEN!”
>he just ran past you and before you could react head pulled the centre piece over his head and started prancing about  
“I LIKE TO COCK TEASE A BABY DRAGON BECAUSE IT’S THE ONLY WAY I CAN GET OFF!”
>”I DO NOT!”
>…well, maybe a little
>Distractions!
>”ANON IF YOU DON’T STOP THIS INSTANT I SWEAR TO CELISTIA I WILL DESTROY YOU!”
>your threats only spur him on
“AND I SPEND MAH TIME MAKING IMPRACTICAL DRESSES FOR A POPULATION THAT DON’T EVEN WEAR FUCKING CLOTHES!”
>the human slows…
“Seriously, how do yeh afford to keep dis place?””
 >”NONE OF YOUR-Oooff!”
>you run right into the human, knocking you off your hooves
>he stopped so suddenly
>did he come to his senses?
>you get up and walk around him…
>is he more pale than usual?
>he sways oh his feet like he is dizzy
>but that just because he is drunk…right?
>you stand facing the human
>he struggles to focus on you, still wearing the dress
>”Anon…are you okay?”
“Meh? Never felt be-UUUGGGGGGHHHH“
>he is interrupted by a torrent of vomit…
>all of which lands on you….
>the steam slows after a few seconds….
>he takes the dress off, wipes his mouth and causally tosses it aside
>he smiles
“Right….NOW I’ve never felt better…”
>”Uhhhh-hhhh”
“Tanks fer yer help luv, got a hawt date see yah ‘round”
>he turns and staggers out of the shop
“SHE AIN’T HEAVY, SHES MAH WAIFU!”
>…
>and just like that he leaves      
>your store…your materials…your dresses…
>all gone…
>”He….it’s all a dream, Anon would never do such a thing!”
>yeah, that’s it…he wouldn’t wreck a month’s worth of design work, your shop or destroy your due clothing orders…!
>you notice the smell from the hot, sticky slime on you…
>and he would never…spew on you….
>in fact…you’re feeling light headed….woozy…
>…all a dream
 
>you are now Sweetie Bell
>you’re checking to see what’s up with Rarity after a day out
>”Hi Mister Anon!”
“Bout yeh weein?”
>he walks on…strangely
>he sounded funny too…
>never mind, time to say hello to your big sister
>you arrive at the shop
>you burst through the door
>”Hi-“
>and see you sister passed out in a pool of vomit!
>”RARITY!”
>you rush up to her
>did she OD on salt?
>is she still breathing?
>does she have an adrenaline shot?
>oh Celestia, what do you do!?