>Day Burning in Equestria
>You are Anon, pyromaniac extraordinaire
>You awaken because that's how all my stories start
>The clock next to your bed flashes a red 4:00
>Rise from your bed and walk to the window
>You pull open the curtains and look out over the rooftops of Canterlot
>Living in the castle had its advantages
>The moonlight casts a soft glow over the city, nothing compared to the glory of the sun
>You commence the morning routine
>Shit, shower, and shave
>Go to your closet to choose what clothes you will wear
"So many choices..."
>You mutter under your breath
"I could wear the black suit, or maybe the black suit?"
>A difficult decision, considering the fact that you own 5 copies of the same black suit
>You put on a suit and walk into your study
>You sit at the desk against the wall and grab your lighter
>Of all the objects that could have been brought with you, you're glad you got your trusty Zippo
>You flick it open and a flame dances to life
"Soon my sweet, I will feed you the world..." you whisper
>Beautiful images flash through your head
>A burning forest
>Flames engulfing the side of a mountain
>You let out a content sigh
>A knock on the door interrupts your daydreaming
>You open it and see an older pony with a grey coat and a slicked-back mane to match
"Good morning Jarvis. What is it?" you ask him
>"Princess Luna requests your presence in her private quarters, it would be wise to go." he tells you
>You narrow your eyes and flick the lighter, a flame coming to life
"And who's going to make me go Jarvis? You?" your tone is now threatening
>The aged pony doesn't flinch
>"I can do no such thing sir." he calmy replies
>A moment of silence passes
>You let out a hardy laugh
"HAHAHA! Jarvis you know I wouldn't hurt you!" you bellow as you pat him on the back
>"Of course, sir." he turns and trots away
>God damn, Jarvis is a cool guy who doesn't afraid of anything
>You grab a flask of AppleJack Daniels and head to Luna's room at a leisurely pace
>Since you arrived here, Luna had seemed to be attracted to you
>But you had other plans
>You wanted her sister Celestia
>Nothing turned you on more than fire, so you instantly fell in love when you heard she had control over the sun
>THE FUCKING SUN!
>That thing is a metric fuck-ton of fire!
>You arrive at Luna's room, a silver crescent moon decorating the door
>You knock and patiently wait, admiring the flames of a torch
>Oh god you loved fire
>The destructive capabilities, the never ending hunger to consume everything, the—
>The door opens and Luna greets you
>"Good morning Anonymous, care to come in?"
>Wow, she doesn't talk like Shakespeare anymore, what happened?
>You snap back to reality
"Please, just Anon. And no, but I guess I have to." you say
>You enter Luna's bedroom and the door locks behind you
>She teleports onto her bed and pats the empty space next to her
>"Come Anonymous, join me."
>You cross your arms but don't move
"Luna, I'm not going to rut you so just unlock the door and stop trying." you say sternly
>She gives you the bedroom eyes
>"Oh but you will, lover."
>lipbite.jpg
>You start to get annoyed
"Luna, this will end in one of two ways: Either you unlock that door and I walk out..."
>You reach down and take the lighter from your pocket
"Or I burn it down, and turn everything in this room to ash."
>She narrows her eyes, thinking you're bluffing
"Your call, sweetheart."
>You stare at Luna
>She stares back
 
>Outside Luna's room
>You are Silver Shield, personal guard to Princess Luna
>You arrive outside the Princess' room and stand at your post beside the door
>This job sucked
>All you did was stand outside a door and make sure nobody got in
>You sigh
>But wait, what's that smell?
"Is that... Smoke?"
>You step away from the Princess' door and see a black cloud pouring out from under it
>The door suddenly explodes, throwing you against the wall
>You regain your senses and hop to your feet, ready to fight
>What you see in the doorway nearly makes you soil your armor
 
>You are Anon, man on fire
>No seriously, you're on fire
>After Luna tried to pounce on you, you set a drape on fire
>The fire spread rapidly, and soon most of the room was blazing
>You made a molotov out of your whiskey flask and threw it at the door
>Apparently some motherfucker turned on the Cowbell Skull, turning your makeshift firebomb into a chunk of C4
>The resulting blast destroyed the door and sent fire everywhere, including onto you
>Now a column of fire, you ran to the door hoping to escape the lust-filled Princess
>You emerge from the firestorm that is Luna's room, and run down the hall screaming in pain
>The pain is unbearable as your skin melts and you run down the hall, igniting paintings and tapestries along the way
>You pass by the dining hall and the kitchen staff scream in fear
>Hell, you would too if you saw a flaming half-skeleton run past
>You burst into the main hall just as Celestia sits on the throne, levitating a cup of coffee infront of her
"WHY GOD, WHY?!" you scream as you run
>You run past, leaving a trail of flaming footprints and igniting the large carpet leading to the throne
>You bust through the doors at the opposite side of the room and take off toward the castle gardens
 
>Celestia sits on the throne, seemingly unfazed by the towering inferno that just passed in front of her
>She takes a sip of her coffee and sighs
>"It's gonna be one of those days."
 
>You are now mostly skeleton
>You run through the castle gardens, bushes and flowers bursting into flame as you pass
"OH GOD IT BURNS! AAAAAAAAHHH!!" you scream
>A large fountain comes into view and you dive into it, extinguishing the flames
>You emerge from the fountain and crawl over to a statue holding a mirror
>Taking the mirror, you look at yourself
>You shouldn't be alive, all that remains is a skeleton and a few strips of charred flesh hanging from various bones
>You somehow gasp, despite the fact that you have no lungs
>Or any other organs, except an eye
>A flame burns in your ribcage, where your heart should be
"B-but how?!" you stammer out
>Magic. It's always fucking magic
>You stand and drop the mirror
>It shatters against the stone path you stand on
>You pull the charred skin off, becoming a full skeleton
>The only flesh left is the single eye occupying your skull
>You somehow cough and flames shoot from your mouth
"Oh shit! I'm Scorpion!" flames accompany every word you say
>You look down at the flame in your ribs
>That must be what's keeping you alive
>Fire saved your life
>And now you have a promise to keep
"Now my sweet..."
>You ignite a tree
"I'll feed you the world."
 
End