Allitisms? I'll give you allitisms.
 
>It was a cold day in hell.
>So bitterly cold that they had to close down the schools.
>Hazard warnings littered the streets warning would-be drivers about the dangers of driving in these icy conditions.
>The local press had tried to play it up as a devilish interest story until the extreme cold had driven them off the streets.
>Plummeting temperatures, the insane low pressure area that had positioned itself over what used to be an exothermic zone.
>A polar vortex that made even the hellish fury of anything that had come before fall short as anything that stood against it froze.
>In the end the local government had been forced to call in a state of emergency and set into motion a mass evacuation.
>Even as imps were loaded wholesale onto trucks destined for warmer climes, experts were baffled as to what could possibly cause such extreme and unseasonal weather.
>Hell had frozen over, and Hell had no idea why.
>This arctic blast had no attributable cause, no climactic events that could enforce these deadly -90 degree freezes.
>Demonic meteorologists struggled to understand the data as it was gathered, running it through dark rituals of computation.
>But what had claimed more than a thousand lives, brought cities to a standstill and caused wholesale chaos was no ordinary thing.
>In a different plane of existence there was a being of such inane banality, a creature whose very imprint upon the universe brought nothing but woe and despair.
>Brought into being through a series of events so contrived that it would defy even the broken logic of a raving madman, its birth was a cataclysmic omen for all.
>The tenuous grip that reality had retained over this being of ill repute was weak at best, making this ungodly monster appear utterly retarded.
>Devoid of soul this monstrosity bore the marks of its twisted being with the dual hues of black and white to exhibit its extreme discontinuity.
>Beady red eyes shining with the malefic hate of something that was not to be known by the minds of mere creatures of three spatial dimensions.
>Being not a creature of flesh and blood, it held no remit to follow the laws of nature with such impossibilities as bleeding sound being considered standard fare.
>It so it was that this thing from another place, this aberration had brought about this terror on hell by a cruel twist of fate.
>At this time the hellscape given form was perpetrating an act so vile that the revulsion and hate of all those around it was channeled, focused through its visage.
>This cold hate for the living to have to bear witness to such a thing, magnified onto hell.
>An act of vile darkness brought to the peaceful citizens of Ponyville, perpetrated by one with a name befitting of its nature.
>No hope could exist in those that saw it, draining its victims minds of salvation and sanity both to such a place that they could not escape.
>The beast was engaged in a crime against nature and physics, jamming an unnumbered array of autistic cocks down its throat in some primal and bizarre mating dance.
>Sucking them all down while conjuring an ever larger host that would likewise be drawn in without a chance of escape in a casual display mind breaking geometry.
>A singularity of the most wicked insanities.