>"You're gettin worried over nothin bro. Planes are totally safe."
>"He's right honey, you'll be fine."
>To do later: slap your brother in the face and shit in your mom's bed.
>You were flying over to Italy for a special nine month learning experience.
>So while you're on the plane, you take a nap.
>You wake up, THE PLANE FUCKING CRASHED.
>Luckily, the empty seat in front of you blocked any debris from hitting you.
>Getting up out of your seat, there doesn't seem to be anyone else on the plane.
>No corpses, maybe they left you behind.
>What a bunch of assholes.
>You step out into the seat aisle and assess the situation.
>Front half of the plane is gone, luggage is strewn about everywhere, and a shitty TV dinner stained your new shoes.
>What to do now?
 
>You pick up a shirt from the top of a seat and try to wipe off your shoes.
>It's too late, they're ruined. No time to mourn them now. You need supplies.
>The back of the plane is full of the weird airport meals, barely edible but better than nothing.
>You grab your backpack and shove TV dinners into its available holes.
>Of the clothes strewn about, one thing sticks out. An odd sort of loin cloth.
>Examining the fabric, it was obviously not made by.an average clothing company. It was crude and handmade.
>You decide to keep the fabric, it might have its uses later.
>Exiting the plane, you find a stick.
>A fine stick, good shape and decent size. It'll work well for hopefully nothing.
>You are now ready to tackle the Chicago wilderness.
>What will you do now?
 
>You prepare to take your first step into this strange rainforest, but something stops you in your tracks.
>A weird burning sensation quickly heading up your leg and towards your jimmies and big jammy.
>You start stripping of your pants to check your flesh, what you see causes an immediate panic.
"Fire Ants!"
>You try to clear the bugs away from your legs in a panic.
>The little buggers move too fast, and you feel the little monsters crawl into your boxers
>You rip your undergarments off to hastily and scratch your balls furiously.
>Its not working.
>That's when you see the one thing that can save you.
>A water bottle, must've fallen out of the plane.
>You pour the water all over your babies, they shrivel in defense.
>At least the ants are off of you now. So are your clothes actually.
>Though you're alone, you can't help but feel as though there're prying eyes looking at your goodies.
"Good thing I picked this up."
>You pull out your new loin cloth and strap it around your waist. It's a bit large for you but it'll work.
>Now you're a true jungle native, in your loin cloth with stick in hand, you head into the jungle.
>Blissfully unaware that you were being hunted.
 
>The loin cloth provides you a nice breeze as you walk through the jungle.
>With nothing trying to kill you at the moment, the situation is almost pleasant.
>Maybe you'll hum a little tune.
>No Anonymous, that would attract attention.
>You resign to simply thinking about a catchy tune, or maybe make one for yourself.
>Write an album, call it "Anonymous Jungle Dick Party."
>Something hits your head and you snap back to reality.
>Oh, a chimp threw a berry at you.
>And by chimp, you mean dinner, best save those TV dinners.
>You latch onto the tree and try to shimmy your way up to the chimp.
>He continues to throw berries at you.
"Yeah keep'em coming asshole. Just stay right there."
>He makes an odd cry into the jungle, then starts making more weird noises.
>That chimp laughing at you?
"I ain't taking that from a literal lesser being."
>About halfway up the tree, you find out why the chimp called.
>The tree starts shaking, other trees start falling, a tremendous roar breaks through the forest.
"God please save me..."
>An enormous gorilla jumps onto your tree.
>Oh shit is he wearing a tie?!
"No I don't wanna die from violent gorilla sex!"
>The gorilla jumps!
>And just before he can expand right into you, an equally large figure tackles him away.
>Meanwhile the little chimp has climbed over to you and starts prying your hands away
"You bastard."
>You fall down the tree.
>Fall damage is a lot better than gorilla rape
>Close your eyes and accept it.
>.....
>Turns out you're not dead, something caught you.
>Hug your savior tightly.
>You open your eyes and see... a woman?!
>A really large woman, one who's seemingly blushing.
>"That belong to Dash."
>Female gorilla rape is a considerably better way to go.
>What do?
 
"W-what belongs to you?"
>You were hoping to not sound too much like a bitch there, didn't work.
>"That"
>She brings one hand up and points at your loin cloth.
"O-oh..."
>On one hand, this big lady could easily snap you in half.
>On the other, you lived a good life.
>"Sorry tiny girl."
>The large lady snatches the loin cloth off of you.
>You would've preferred death.
>The woman drops you in surprise and jumps behind a tree.
>"You are boy?!"
"Yes? No? Please don't kill me!"
>The woman stays behind the tree.
>For a while, you two stay quiet, seemingly afraid of the other.
>"My name Dash."
>She tries to say this in a low voice but it instead comes out just as loud.
"I'm Anonymous, my friends call me Anon."
>"Can Dash?"
"What?"
>"Call Anon?"
"Uh, sure."
>"We friends?"
>You think for a minute, it's probably best to say yes.
"Of course we are."
>She smiles and steps out from behind the tree.
>If you were a faggot your nose would've started bleeding.
>Wearing your loin cloth, by the way.
>She seemed about nine feet tall, every part of her body was toned muscle.
>Through that muscle, her curves still shone through. Her breasts must have been at least G cups!
>"What tiny man look at?"
 
"Everything"
>"What that mean?"
>Oh shit nigger think of something quick.
"Uh, I mean, umm, can I call in a friend?"
>"We friends."
>You'd feel more comfortable if you weren't naked.
>An idea! Women like it when you compliment them!
"Uh, you're just so pretty."
>Hopefully she doesn't destroy you now.
>"Anon really think so?"
>She's blushing super hard.
>Time to follow up with a smooth pick up line.
"Can I have that loin cloth back?"
>Nude in a forest, not a great feeling
>In a second, you are hoisted into the air.
>"Anon rude! Ask to see Dash naked!"
"I'm sorry! I just don't want to be naked!"
>Dash brings you down to eye level.
>"Anon really think Dash pretty?"
"Yes! You're beautiful!"
>The giantess looks at you for second.
>Dash shifts to holding you in one hand while she picks a bush out of the ground.
>And now you're wearing a bush. That's gonna cause a rash.
>You are put back onto the ground, at least you're not naked right?
>" *giant giggle* Anon is cute in bush!"
>She thinks you're cute? Good maybe she won't use your skin as underwear now, too bad.
>"Anon hungry?"
>You hadn't thought about it, but you were kind of starving.
"Yeah, I am."
>"Anon follow Dash."
>She turns around.
>This time you get a nose bleed. Dat ass.
>Recover your senses and follow her.
>You two walk silently, maybe you should try talking to her? About what though?
 
"So, uh, you alone out here?"
>"No, there village of my people, Dash just like jungle."
"Where are they?"
>Dash stops moving and you accidently get a face full of her ass.
>She turns around with an angry glare.
>"Why Anon care? Dash not enough?"
"What?"
>"Anon it bad to be selfish."
>Say some mushy shit
"I just wanna talk to you more!"
>"Hmph, Anon very sappy. Right now village helping people from big metal box."
>Well that makes you feel a little better about the plane crash.
>"Just so Anon know, Dash is prettiest."
>You decide to just take her word for it.
>You and the Busty Giant reach a campsite fit for a colossus.
>Dash immediately grabs a bag off of a tree branch and pulls something out of it.
>"Close eyes."
>This woman has been nothing but kind to you so you gladly oblige.
>"Take bite."
>You reach out with your mouth, trying to find what she wants you to bite.
>She guides your head into something round, feels like a peach. So you take a big bite.
>Holy fucking asspigeons this is an amazing peach. You devour the peach with much vigor
>Your animal instincts cause you to start licking Dash's hands, trying to get more peach juice.
>She pulls her hand away and you open your eyes, embarassed.
>"Anon naughty."
"S-sorry Dash."
>Dash doesn't respond, she simply looks at the sun.
>"It get dark soon, time sleep."
>The big bombshell wraps you in her arms.
>"Anon snuggle buddy."
>And just like that *snap* Dash is out like a light and you're caught in her arm prison.
>Held tight between her rock hard arms and her soft pillowy breasts, it's quite an amazing juxtaposition.
>Nothing to do now but sleep
 
 
 
>Last time on "Life is Bullshit"
>Plane crash, fire ants, and an attack by the rare dongus expandus gorilla.
>This time on Life is Bullshit.
>Fire ant nightmares and a giant woman using you as a pillow.
>While the latter sounds comfortable, you'd much prefer to keep your ribs intact.
>Dash looks so peaceful sleeping, making simply adorable sounds in her sleep.
>Her large breasts rest against your calves, only a few inches from your rapidly growing wood.
>The bush will hide it well at least.
>Your belly rumbles slightly, your TV dinner filled backpack is barely in arms reach.
>Use your brian Anonymous, what is the best thing to do right now?
 
"Brian. Get the TV dinners for me." You whisper as to not wake Dash.
>"Sorry Anon, I can't pick up solid objects."
>Stupid ghost friends.
>You could try reaching for it, though you're slightly discouraged to how Dash might react to being woken up.
>If it's anything like what happens when you wake your cat up, you'll be in trouble.
>But you're reeaaly hungry.
>You decide to go for the gold in women's athletic sprinting, but first you'll get the food.
>The straps are your best option for grabbing, time to reach for it Anon.
>Ol Righty extends out, you can feel the material on your middle finger.
>Dash does not move from her slumber. You are safe.
>Extend a little mooore.
"Ha-ha Cody's laugh"
>You have a solid grip on the strap now, pull it closer and reap your rewards.
>Just as you bring the backpack closer, your arms are pinned to your sides.
>Dash has moved up and now holds you even tighter.
>"Anon~"
>The 10th wonder of the world smiles and nuzzles against you in her sleep.
>You would just sit there, but your stomach threatens to eat your liver.
>Gotta wake her up softly and fast.
>What ta do laddeh?
 
>You decide to try just waking her up the old fashioned way.
"Dash. Dash wake up."
>The giantess still slumber a peacefully .
"Daaash wake up"
>Nothing
>You start trying to wiggle your way out of her Titan like hold.
>Hell, you might be able to get out without waking her.
>Wiggling intensifies.
>"Dash like watching Anon squirm. *giant giggle* "
>You open your mouth to say something, but your stomach speaks much louder.
>"Anon go eat."
>Don't need to tell you twice, you're already digging into a chickun meal.
>"Dash take bath."
>It feels so good to finally eat ag- what's this about a bath? You turn and the giant is right in your face.
>"No peeking."
>She walks away on a path.
>While she walks away, you can see her putting her hair into a ponytail.
>Your brain says don't follow, your stomach says don't follow, your dick says follow, but what does your heart say?
 
>What would the great philosopher Rene Descartes do?
>He'd trust his dick and follow.
>So you do as well, snacking on your airplane meal.
>You soon hear the sounds of water flowing.
>Crouch into the bushes and follow the sounds of water.
>Hopefully your erect dick doesn't attract more fire ants.
>You walk into a little clearing and peer through some bushes.
>Water falls down from a cliff, splashing over rocks and creating a soothing rhythm.
"Where's Dash though?"
>"Right behind you."
>You're soon lifted off of the ground and upside down.
>How the fuck does Will Smith do this?
>"Anon naughty, need be punished."
>God can't help you now, it is time to die.
"I am sorry Dash."
>Hang in shame pervert.
>"Since Anon friend, how want be punished?"
>What you choose here could decide whether you live or die.
>Authors recommendation: bearhugged
>You'll die, but you'll get to feel them titties at least
 
"I wish to be squeezed by your thighs."
>The giantess blushes slightly.
>"Anon think Dash fat?"
>Now you've hurt her feelings
>Lucky you have me here to make you a cool guy.
"No Dash, I just want to stay alive so I can spend more time with you."
>See, now you're cool.
>"Fine, Dash go easy on Anon."
>She lowers you down between her thighs.
>They're extremely toned, but not rock hard, they still have a degree of softness.
>Given different circumstances this would be-
>Squeeze
"MY SPIIIINEE!"
>She squeezes still, and is she giggling?
>It's fine though, you've already passed out.
>....
>"Wake up Anon."
>You feel enveloped by a warm substance, a soft voice calls out to you.
"Am I finally dead?"
>"WAKE UP!"
>You awaken and immediately panic, but you're being held still.
>"Calm down Anon."
>You're sitting in water, and your naked.
>The water feels nice, soothing. Almost as if your spine didn't just explode.
>"Anon needed bath."
>Someone's washing your back, and boy does it feel goood.
>You turn your head and see Dash sitting behind you, breasts in the water ;_;
>"Anon feel better?"
"Waaay better."
>You could sit there forever.
>With Dash.
>"Anon wash Dash back now."
>You turn around and see the giantess doing the same.
>Glorious Amazon back. Glorious Side boob.
>And so, the dong fish pops it's head out of the water.
>You reach out and touch her smooth back.
>Like silk
>What will you do? Or do you wanna leave this up to the writer?
 
>You simply run your hand over Dash's back for a little while
>"Nyaa~"
>Oh god did she just moan?
>"Sorry, Dash not used to be touched like this."
>Your penis is about to shoot off of your body.
>Bring two hands to her back, washing her in small circles, causing her delicious boobs bounce.
>Dash is biting down on her fist to stay quiet.
>Move downwards, towards the small of her back.
>"Aah~"
>You're on your knees now, dick freely bobbing in the air.
>Then it happens you get a little too close, and jab her in the back.
>"What's that Anon?"
>She shifts around, fast.
>Your dick is being pushed aside by her boobs.
>The Amazonian's face goes crimson as she sees your member.
>You are ready for death, because in this moment, you are the happiest you've ever been.
>Then she grabs it.
>"Anon really big..."
>Wat
"Wat?"
>You were big by human standards but to an amazon?
>"Not many men. None this big."
>Big by comparison. Nice.
>She stares at it for a long time.
>So it's up to you to get the ball rollin.
"Soooo, you wanna have sex?"
>Smooth
>Dash has transcended beyond super red, let's call it super red level 2.
>She doesn't respond, so you do the only logical thing there is.
>You drop back down and stick your hand in the water.
>"Anon what-NYAAA!~"
>The finger has touched down on the pussy.
>Her entire body is shaking, her words have slurred, and her face has gone beyond super red level 2.
>I call it super red level 3
 
>If Eddie Murphy has taught you anything, when you cause a woman to make those sounds, she will stand by you through anything.
>And now that this giantess is yours, time to have some more fun.
>But still, it's good to be a bit romantic.
>While Dash is panting for her breath, you go for the kiss.
>She accepts it with vigor, pulling you into a kiss so deep it feels like she's trying to eat you.
>That's when you throw your tongue in the mix, and it gets completely covered by Dash's.
>She's putting so much into this kiss, she is eventually just licking your face.
>You try to pull back but it's no use, Dash is licking like a puppy.
>Counter with the grind!
>You grind your cock against her leg, causing her to pull her head back and moan.
>Tilt your head down to bury your face into your woman's tits.
>Now it's your turn to lick like a puppy, trying to taste every part of her delectable breasts.
>You catch a nipple amidst all of her wriggling, that's when she gets LOUD.
>"ANON PLEASE TAKE ME!"
>Your eardrums have evaporated but you heard that last sentence.
>It invokes something within you, the strength hidden inside of each human
>In an amazing feat of strength, lust, and perhaps love; you lift Dash out of the water and place her on the grass.
>She was about to take this dick.
 
>If she cums simply from having someone touch her pussy, it'd be best to start slow.
>Then finally, first contact between your genitals is established.
>And she loses her fuckin' mind
>Dash starts her second orgasm of the day, little late to go slow now.
>Stick it right in tiger.
"OH GOD!"
>Amazing untouched Amazonian pussy is incredibly tight.
>You keep going deeper, and deeper.
>Dash is just riding wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure, the splash zone is insanely large.
>Finally you bottom out and decide to wait for her to come down.
>It's a shame how tall she is, you can't kiss her now, all you can do is watch her beautiful face in pure bliss.
>You did that buddy, take a second to feel good.
>Evetually she calms down, she can still barely breath though.
>"Dash. Love. Anon."
"Anon. Love. Dash"
>You start thrusting as fast as you can, egged on by Dash's screams for more.
>Now you're getting close to your own orgasm.
>Leaning down, you hold onto Dash as hard as you can.
"Dash! I'm gonna cum!"
>"Hhngf!"
>That's an interesting sound.
>You throw your head back as the semen troops invade the giant fortress.
>Now you collapse on top of Dash, your head perfectly landing between her breasts.
>"Hey everybody! Pinkie found Dash!"
>You'd ask wut, if you could think right now.
>Turn a little to the right, five more Amazonians come through the trees.
>"Dash alright? We heard scream-"
>They're confused obviously, but you're tired.
>And just before you drift off you hear Dash say something.
>"Friends! This husband, Anon."
 
 
 
>"Husband is simply adorable Dash."
>"When is wedding party?!"
>Where are you?
>"Need talk with Anon about when."
>Are you dreaming?
>"Pinkie excited! Pinkie excited!"
>Your eyes open and are greeted by quite a site, Dash's ass, and within arms' reach?!
>Too good of an oppurtunity
" *SMACK* "
>Nice and firm, but fat enough to jiggle like a dream.
"Morning sugar, you coming back to bed."
>God damn it feels good to be a gangster.
>"Husband, guests."
>Your honey's beautiful booty moves out of your view and reveals five more Amazonians.
>Heh, one is wearing a cowboy hat.
>Alright Anonymous, you gotta break the ice.
"Hi"
>Great, amazing, wonderful, never heard a better introduction.
>"Dash, plan party with husband, fast!"
>"Rarity will make beautiful dress!"
>"Sparkle will set it up!"
>Amazon or not, girls will always get hype over a wedding.
 
>The bed you are in is ginormous, and really really comfy.
>Feels a little empty though. We can fix that.
"Dash.."
>Your fiancé turns and looks at you, give her the pout and sad eyes, stick your arms out longingly.
>"Aww, Husband want cuddle?"
>Nod that head son.
>Your giant climbs into bed and lets you rest your head on her bosom.
>Intense nuzzling
>"New couple is adorable!"
>"Umm, maybe we go now? Don't want intrude."
>"Yup we need leave."
>Good idea slightly smaller woman and cowgirl.
>Her friends walk out of the door as to give you two a little more privacy.
>"Husband still tired?"
>You nod against her breast and she runs her hand through your hair.
"Give me a kiss, Wife."
>The giantess lifts you up and plants a big one on ya before laying you down on top of her.
>In perfect thrusting position, might I add.