Guessing Prompt: >"Hello, you seem like a normal and astounding person."
"Uh what?"
>"Yes you, the green handsome one. Do you have a girlfriend or wife?"
"No?"
>"Really? But you look so hot, maybe it's because you don't have a facebook account!?"
"A wh-"
>"YES, A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT. WITH THIS ACCOUNT, YOU CAN GET ALL THE HOTTIES AND FRIENDS YOU WANT WITHIN A FEW DAYS."
"No"
>"Please get one...I'm going to get fired if I can't get any more ponies to make an account..."
It was wrong. But fun to make still.
The Story:
 
>The next day.
>Be Anon, who didn't make a facebook account.
>More like shit account. You've seen the shit and edgyness those ponies write on their pics and likes.
>It even got Princess Twilight, princess of friendships, to represent them.
>Some bullshit about friends. You don't know all the way.
>Knock Knock Knock
>When the fuck did someone ever come by?
>You walk up to the door, wondering who was autistic enough to visit you.
"Yes?"
>"Sir, would you like to do something remarkable?"
"What?"
>You open the door to see a light blue pony...wait a fucking minute.
>Is that facebook as a cutiemar-
>"YES! MAKE A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT TODAY AND YOU CAN DO REMARKABLE THINGS LIKE MAKE FRI-"
>You slam the door on her face.
>Mondays....
 
>The day after that.
>You might of seen that light blue pony before. You don't remember much from two day's ago.
>Anon's Sunday Drinking. No one can stop that.
>Today's Tuesday, time for a normal day in Equestria.
>You feel a hoof tap your shoulder. So being a nice guy, you turn around and...
>"Well Hello sir, how are you today?"
>Oh god damn it.
>It's that facebook pone again. This time, she has brought out an advertisement voice.
"Hello, miss?"
>"My name is Face Book. The mascot for Facebook, home of friend making!"
"And edgy shit."
>"And edgy sh- Hey!"
>You chuckle for a moment.
"Look Face Book, I don't need a facebook account."
>"Really sir? You don't want, oh I don't know, maybe a bazillion friends?"
>Does bazillion even exist?
"No, I don't need a bazllion friends. I don't need one friend."
>"AH HA! I KNEW IT!"
"Knew what?"
>She smiles wide.
>"Anypony without a facebook account must be a friendless nobody."
>You don't know what was worse.
>The fact that she just insulted you, or the fact she did it with a beaming smile.
>You turn around and walk away as she takes in what she just said.
>click...click...click...and
>You hear hooves clopping.
>"Oh my dear Celestia, I am so sorry for saying that."
 
>Two hours. She has been following you for two hours.
>"I mean, work has been really bad and I didn't have my coffee..."
>Still apologizing and making excuses.
>"Nor did I have my hay sandwich. Hunger and tiredness do cause rudeness..."
>Maybe you should say something.
>"But again, I'm sorr- OH a restaurant."
>Or maybe she has ADD.
>You look at her as she looks into what looked like a phone.
>Or a tiny book with an account picture on it.
"Dafaq is that?"
>She looks up at you with a confused look.
>"You don't know what this is? It's facebook."
>She was just holding a tiny book phone thing?
"That's facebook? I thought it was a website."
>Her eyes brighten up at your lack of knowledge.
>She than takes a look between the restaurant and her ...Facebook?
>Her face scrunches up for a moment, as if thinking of something. Than a bright smile goes on her face.
>"Well, I should inform you of everything! But let us eat and talk. That restaurant over there?"
>She points to a building labeled as "Sugar Cube Corner"
>"It received a lot of likes on facebook and people have been giving it good compliments."
>"Maybe we can talk and eat at the same time?"
"I don't know abou-"
>"I'll pay for the food!"
>She blurts it out in an instant with wide eyes.
"Uh...ok?"
>Might as well, no one says no to free food. Right?
 
>You and the facebook pone have been talking for an hour or so.
>She has barely even taken a bite in her blueberry pie or sip from her coffee.
>You just got a cake slice with an ice cream on the side.
>She must really love her job, even though she made excuses earlier about it.
>Each and every word she says, she talks as if she was inspired by every single one.
>"It really is amazing how you can meet so many ponies. So many cultures and kinds. We are even going to allow Griffins in it next!"
>She is really excited to talk about it.
>"And oh my Celestia~ This cake is so good!"
>Or she has ADD. Wait you said that already, didn't you?
"You sound like you love working as the mascot."
>She blushes with her eyes wide. She must of not noticed that she was talking the whole time.
>"Uh yeah. I really do. They pay well and I got so many friends just by being the mascot. It makes you feel so popular!"
>She giggles and squees as she wraps her hooves around herself.
>"No pony knew who I was before the job "
>You chuckle.
"So that means you were a friendless before the job as well?"
>She looks out the window, out to the ponies walking and talking.
>it's a beautiful day outside. birds are singing, flowers are blooming.
>"No pony liked me because I talked too much. They wanted me to shut up so much...some of them even hurt me just to shut up."
>Oh wow, this just got a bit personal.
>"I was just excited to be around ponies."
>A tear drops from her eye and falls to the ground.
>"ANYWAY, that was ME BEFORE FACEBOOK! NOW I HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS!"
>Jesus Christ, she just switched emotions in an instant.
>Back to the advertisement voice. You can't help to chuckle at how quick she was to dismiss that sad moment.
>You hoped that she did not make up that story to make you have a facebook. It was pretty feelsy.
 
>You had to admit. Even though she talked a lot, it was fun hanging out with her.
>The both of you were going towards your apartment. But this time, she was just asking about you.
>Basically your likes and shit about you.
>You just finally got done with your story about how you got here.
"So yeah, my car crashed a few years back and that's how I got here."
>She was looking at her phone....Book thing? Typing in something.
"What are you doing?"
>She jumps for a second and looks at you with a grin.
>Why don't you like that grin?
>"Well, I was making something..."
>Wait a minute...
>"Using whatever you said in your story..."
>Her horn glows, causing a light to glow on a letter.
>She did not...
>"To make you..."
"No..."
>"Your very own..."
>A package appears out of nowhere. Or magic in this case.
>Small Square package
"No no no..."
>She has a very bright smile along with beaming wide eyes as she rips open the box. Revealing a tiny green facebook with a Question Mark for the cover.
>"YOUR VERY OWN FACEBOOK!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>Your screams ring out throughout the apartment.
>You said it before that the day you get a facebook account was the day hell froze over.
>Other ponies said it would happen, you would get a facebook account
>Today was that day. Today it happened.
 
>What a beautiful morning. It's a perfect time of the day t-
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>I was going to say get a cup of coffee, but screaming works too.
"Wait!"
>You took the time to examine where you were at.
>You were laying in a bed. Not any bed, your bed.
>Alarm Clock was turned off, a good smell was in the air and everything was peaceful.
>But your knees were weak, palms were sweaty.
>You give a sigh of relief as you ponder the situation.
"Oh thank god, it was just a nightmare."
>With that out of the way, you decided to start your day.
>You took an amazing showering, knowing that you don't have a facebook account.
"That dream felt way too real. Oh well."
>Once your shower was done and you were dressed, you went into the kitchen.
>What's that on the table? Some good looking waffles were on the table! Covered in syrup.
>Today was just starting and it's actually good.
>You eat the waffles, taking in their softness and enjoying every bite.
>"Oh you're awake! I was so worried. Did you sleep well?"
"Hmm? Oh yeah. I had a bad dream. Some random horse came out of nowhere. Trying to sell me something."
>As you talked, a cup of coffee appeared next to you.
>"It sounds like a bad dream. I made you some coffee."
>You take a few sips and you just smiled.
>It was good co...coff...wait.
>Actual good food on the table?
>Nice caring voice?
>Someone making you breakfast?
>A cup of actual delicious coffee?
>You're eyes were wide as you slowly turned your head around in horror.
>You see her, that mare from your nightmares.
>"You passed out last night after I showed you your face book."
>Your mouth opens slowly as a look of horror appeared on your face.
>"So I made breakfast as a way to appreciate the fact that you have one now! After Breakfast, we can actually finish making your account!"
>She claps her hooves together as she smiles wide.
>....
>It was actually adorable.
>.........
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
 
>You ran off, before coming back and taking the waffles and that cup of coffee.
>It may be a horror situation, but only niggers waste a perfectly good breakfast.
>With breakfast in your arms, you ran towards your room.
>You kicked the alarm clock off the nightstand and placed the waffles and coffee there.
>Fuck the alarm clock, never used it anyway.
>With arms free, you go towards your door and lock it.
>You go back to the scared food, petting the sticky waffles with your hand.
"It is ok my dear food. The horror is almost over."
>You finally get a chance to eat again, chewing the waffles in your mouth.
>It's what waffles would of wanted. Death before facebook account.
>Finally, after what seemed to be 30 mins, there was a light tap against the door.
>"Um, Anon? Are you ok? You don't have sicknesses or illness do you?"
"You will never get my autistic ass on facebook!"
>"Wait you have autism?"
"Maybe?"
>There was a silence, than a woot sound.
"What did you do?"
>She could tell you were joking, right?
>"Oh, updated your info."
>...
"Wha-"
>Beep Woop Woot.
>"Ok. Now it's on your profile."
>Brain.exe trying to process information.
>Brain.exe is finished.
>Did she just put what you said on Facebook?
"GOD DAMN IT"
>"Oh? Are you religious too?"
"FUUUUUCK!!!"
>"And you like fucking... There we go. Anything else?"
>Maybe it would be best to shut up before Facebook pone kills your non-existent social life.
>"You know what? Here, let me just get you to like some pages here and maybe you can find some ponies like you. Than you can get more friends!"
>It's ironic how she sounds happy about this, but you were just getting more annoyed and pissed off at this.
 
>Be Face Book, the happy go lucky mascot with ADD of Facebook.
>You are just updating Anon's profile for him. Maybe you can get him some friends.
>From what you gathered, he was an autistic, religious fucker.
>So that's what you put on his profile for everypony to see.
>You don't want it to be private, if it were private, no one would know who he was.
>But you do wonder what he is. He said human last night bu-
>Woot. ((OR BEEP I don't know Facebook noises.))
>Oh my! He has so many likes and friend requests already!
>He even got invited to the PONIES WHO NEED HELP and the KKK pages.
"Anon, you are becoming popular already!"
>His door slams open and you jump back.
>It was loud and surprised you, you weren't distracted!
>He seems to be breathing really heavy like.
"Anon? Do you have asthma too?"
>He begins to shake, his face turning red.
>The coffee must of been hot.
>He finally stops, takes a deep long breath in and out.
>He gives you a gentle smile, one you returned with a genuine smile of your own.
>"Thank...You so much for doing that. May I see my facebook please?"
>You gasp, he finally wanted to try it out!? On his own!
>He really is a big guy.
"Oh my Celestia, yes! Here you go. Try it out! I will wait in your living room so you can facebook for a bit! Have fun."
>As you walk towards the room, Anon closes his door.
>You could of sworn you heard smashing and crunching as you walked, but you just ignored it.
>Anon must be just happy using his facebook for the fir-
>IS THAT COFFEE YOU SMELL!?
 
>If this coffee was a page, you would of made a few fake accounts and liked it.
>Than shared it to everyone.
>Than poked everyon-wait, what were you doing?
>OH right, waiting for anon.
>Speaking of Anon, here he comes with a smile!
>He must of loved it!
"Anon, did you like your Facebook?"
>You looked around for it, but you couldn't see it.
"Where is it?"
>"Yeah, something weird happened."
>He sounds really calm as he spoke his wo-the coffee is so good.
>"Now, this was an accident. You see..."
>He sits on the couch.
>"I was just sitting down, minding my own business, when I accidentally tripped."
>You gasped.
"Are you ok Anon?"
>He looks away towards a window for a moment.
>"Yeah, it's just..."
>He has tears in his eyes. He looks like he's about to cry.
>"I tripped and I landed on the phone."
>You gasp.
>"Than, after I got up, my metal bat fell on it!"
"Dear Celestia!"
>"There's more!"
"NO!?"
>"After my bat fell on it, the little Facebook was catapulted onto my toilet handle, than fell into my toilet."
>He sobbed and croaked with every word.
>"I'm so sorry Face Book. It was taken away before it's time."
 
>Be Anon.
>You were fucking good at acting.
>Smashed that shit with a bat till it was bits, than flushed it down a toilet.
>Today is going well, the mare even looked like she bought it.
>"That is bad..."
>She looks down for a moment, as if taking a moment of silence.
>Than she looks at you beaming.
>"Well the Facebook might of been destroyed, but your account will be A-OK!"
>.......
>What?
 
>"Yep, it is ok. Thanks to Princess Twilight!"
>You know who that horse is. The one with the big castle.
>Blocking your view of ponyville.
"What does Twilight have to do with this?"
>She is smiling. It's accustomed now to not like that smile.
>You fear that smile.
>"Because of her newest research on Magic Storing Data, we, at facebook, have a way to store your data!"
>what?
"What?"
>"Facebook is her first experiment with storing everything in magic!"
>She flares her arms wide as if she were a carny selling tickets to a circus.
>She blushes and sits back down on the couch.
>"Not everything everything, you know what I mean, right?"
>You face-palm than nod your head.
>Regretfully.
"Ye...yes I get it."
>She then proceeds to jump off the couch and go up to you
>"OH! I ALMOST FORGOT!"
>"Since I was the one who made you that Facebook device, there was a special warranty on it!"
>You sigh and furrow your brow.
"Of fucking course there is"
>"Yep! Aren't you excited!? You are the only one I did this for!"
>Yeah, real special. You...wer...
>wait what?
"Wait a minute, what do you mean by that?"
>She gives you a sincere look with a small smile to go on top.
>"You were the only one that actually didn't go crazy and liked my company in real life."
>She sighs and continues to keep that smile
>"I mean, using Facebook to message others and comment on posts are fun, but they aren't exactly who they say they are in real life."
>She looks up to you, smiling still, though it looked smaller this time.
>Her eyes were closed yet a single teardrop falls down her right eye.
>"You are the only one that's been nice to me in reality. Everyone else isn't nice to me at all unless it's over facebook."
>You suddenly felt like shit.
 
"Really?"
>Face Book nods slowly as your pride, for killing something stupid, turns into regret.
"So, that facebook was customized by you?"
>"Yes silly. I thought it would be nice to make something for a friend."
>She just called you a friend.
>That thing that you never had before.
"I'm your friend?"
>She just giggles and hugs you gently.
>It felt warm, making you want to hug back.
>"Of course you are. A nice...uh...Human?"
>You nod as to hint to her that she was correct.
>"Right, a nice human like you should have friends."
>Tears start to swell in your eyes as she spoke.
>Just as she spoke about her job before, she talks as if she was inspired by every single word.
>"And since you were nice to me and friendless, I thought we could be great friends."
>"I even had that facebook specially made just for you. It was a friendship gift from me to you."
>That burning you feel inside?
>It is shame for destroying a a gift that she made just for you.
>No one has ever made you a gift before.
>Even a shitty one as a facebook.
>She looks up towards you, a beaming smile on her face and bright beaming eyes.
>"You're lucky that there was a special warranty on that thing. I can have another made in a day. Would you like that?"
 
>You think about her offer for a moment.
>She is offering you a gift, but the gift is facebook.
>You sigh, knowing that you don't have the heart to break this mare's heart.
"Actually..."
>Finally managing some strength, you give the mare a gently hug back.
"I would like that. Thank you for thinking about me."
>The grip on the hug gets a bit stronger as you enjoy the moment that is had for now.
"Friend."
 
>You convinced Face Book to make another account for you.
>Also, she wasn't allowed to make your account for you.
>After everything was done, all you did was use facebook to message the one and only friend you had.
>You and Face Book even hung out more often than anyone.
>Weather it was going to the park, eating at a restaurant, or just making food at the apartment. It was a blast no matter what.
>That sweet mare that decided to quit her job and live with you just so she could be with her friend, changed your life for the better.
>The End.