>Be Anon
>Canadian
>Territory Master Race
>Of course, every Master Race has its weakness
>Their Kryptonite
>Their Achilles Heel
>For you, it’s the heat
>And it’s currently summer
 
>Day Hot Tamale in Equestria
>Wake up
>Shit
>Shower
>…
>Trim.
>You’re not pleased with it, but desperate times
>You shave with an axe
>You had great control of your tree cutting urges now
>Applejack even started to let you on her property again
>You swear it was an accident when you broke her barn
>You even fixed it!
>You lay your head down on a table, and swing down
>Knock off a couple inches
>A single man tear was shed
>Instead of evaporating, it freezes and shatters on the ground
>You envy it
>Not even wearing boxers
>Your Lumberjack hangs loose
>Even without clothes on, you’re sweating balls
>Literally
>Every now and then a small sphere of sweat falls onto the ground
>Looks as if you’re melting
>…
>OH GOD WHAT IF YOU’RE MELTING
>Yank open the door
>Fluttershy squeals as you run past her, still naked
>No time to stop
>Need to find somewhere cold
>Remember the lake you skated on in the winter
>Oh those were the days
>Confused the hell out of Twilight when you simply skated along with the bottoms of your feet
>Confused you that they thought they needed metal blades to skate
>Preposterous
>What else are feet for?
>You spot the lake, which is surrounded by ponies enjoying the heat
>Monsters, the lot of them
>You hear a whistle as you approach
>Fucking Lyra
>One leap later, and you dive into the water
>Sweet release
 
>Be Rainbow Dash
>Laying on a tube by the edge of the lake, catching a tan
>You like to have a darker shade of blue going on in the summer
>Makes you look cooler
>As if that were even possible, but hey; if anyone was going to out cool you, it would be you
>You hear a splash, and water hits you in the face
>You sputter, annoyed
>Did Pinkie Pie do a cannon ball again?
>You look down into the water and see Anon
>He’s sitting on the lake bed
>Just… sitting there
>You wait for him to start to float up, but it’s as if he’s weighted down
>You shake your head and lay back again
>That human never ceases to amaze you
>You suspect he’s almost as cool as you
>Almost
 
>Be Anon
>You’ve been underwater for a few minutes now
>You’re not terribly eager to expose your head to the heat, but even you have limits
>Breathing: Necessity
>You float back up to the service, and see Rainbow Dash glance over at you
>”Finally back up, huh Anon?”
Aye
>”Why were you just sitting down there?”
>You look both ways, making sure no one is listening
>You don’t want to start a panic
>You lean in towards Rainbow
I think I might be melting
>She looks at you for a second
>And then she starts to laugh
>You look at her as she laughs hysterically, thrashing about
>After a few seconds, you push her off her tube and into the water
>Her head emerges a few seconds later
>”Hey!”
I’m serious! I’ve never sweat this much before! I shouldn’t even have this much water in my body!
>”It’s just hotter than you’re use to! Go see Twilight, she probably has a spell or something to cool you down”
>You think for a moment
>That sounds like a good plan
>Not entirely sure why you didn’t think about it
>Blame the heat
>Fucking Heat
>But you’d have to get out of the water
>It isn’t even noon and you feel like your head is burning from being out of the water
>You can see the top of Twilight’s tree in the distance
>You stroke your beard, and stand up
>You weren’t that far from the edge of the lake
>You’d been essentially lying in the shallow water
>Rainbow Dash blushes and looks away
>”Anon, why the hell are you naked?!”
Why are you?
 
>You reach Twilight’s tree quickly enough
>There’s a trail of sweat leading from the edge of the lake to her house
>A miniature estrus appears as a few ponies are captivated by the scent
>You hear a whistle again
Oh come on Lyra, are you following me now?
>You turn to see Bon Bon
Oh. Sorry Bon Bon
>”Oh, don’t you worry about it Anon!”
>She looks pointedly at your crotch
>Which, now that you think about it, is exactly at their head level. Pun intended
>Idea
>Through sheer will power, you harden it in a flick towards her
>She jumps back, startled
>You laugh and turn back to the library tree and knock on the door
>Spike answers the door
>”AHHHH, SNAKE!”
>He runs away, leaving you baffled
>Twilight comes to the door a moment later
>”Anon! Why in Equestria are you naked?!”
Why are you?
>”Anon, you know what I mean! You normally wear clothes!”
>She’s blushing heavily at this point, looking everywhere but forward
>Right
>You return your dick to its normal state
Well I have a good reason! Do you mind if I come in?
>She looks past you to see Bon Bon lying on the ground, her tongue hanging out of her mouth
>A couple of other ponies are Toucan Sam’ing their way towards the tree
>”That’s probably a good idea”
>She ushers you into the library, where she sits you down
>You tell her what you told Rainbow Dash
>She reacts similarly
>No water to push her in this time, so you wait it out, sweating the whole time
>Couch is starting to get soaked
>”Oh Anon. While I’ll admit you’re sweating quite a lot…”
>She breathes in deeply at this, shuddering
>”…you’re in no danger of melting away. However, we probably should do something about this. Find a way to keep you cold while letting you do… whatever you do”
>She begins to flip through a few books
>”Until then, perhaps you should go to the spa? I hear they have a couple cold therapies”
>You grunt
A spa? Canadians don’t use spas. Even our women bathe in the ice cold water of the Arctic!
>”Well, I’m not going to have a remedy ready for a while at least, and the lake is too busy for you to be running around in the nude!”
I ain’t going to the spa!
>Twilight glares at you
>You glare right back
>She turns from a glare to puppy dog eyes
 
>You’re outside the spa
>High Noon
>Need to get inside before it’s too late
>You got some water from Twilight before you left
>Put it in your beard sealskin gourd
>Drank it before you even got half way there
>Curse this heat
>You knock on the door and walk in
Hello Aloe! I was wondering if you had anything that could cool me down?
>Aloe doesn’t look at you at first
>”My of course, Anon! We’d love to help-“
>She pauses
>She sniffs the air, and then looks up at you
>You swear you see her pupils turn into hearts
>Uh
>A moment later, they turn into a miniature flip book of a dick entering a vagina
>Wait, that’s a human dick
Um, Aloe? You know I don’t like ponies that way, right? Canadians prefer the company of women our own species. Except bears. Those sexy mother fuckers can-
>Suddenly Aloe is jumping over the desk and running at you
>You see Lotus burst out from the back, followed by Rarity and Fluttershy
>Fluttershy is brandishing a massive dildo
>You have no idea where she keeps those things
>Some kind of invisible beard?
>Before you can ponder any longer, Aloe tackles you, only to slide down your wet legs
I appreciate the thought ladies, but I think I’ll be going now!
>And with that, you run out the doors
>And into a large crowd of ponies
 
>It seems they followed your sweat trail
>Lyra and Bon Bon are together
>Roseluck can barely contain herself
>Big Mac is as hard as a rock
>Wait, Big Mac?
>On second glance, you realize it’s not just mares in this crowd; practically all of Ponyville is here for you
>The crowd begins to close in on you
>You could probably beat your way through
>But that is not the Canadian way
>”Only wrestle those who wish to be wrestle. Never wrestle those who are enthralled by your scent”
>You had never gotten that second part
>Then again, of course all your friends and family lived in the same way you did
>Your scent was theirs
>These ponies seemed to have no such resistance
…LOOK OVER THERE! FREE POUTINE!
>The crowd simply looks confused
>They don’t know what poutine is, do they?
>Blasphemy
>Oh well, you bought yourself a distraction
>That will be a problem for another time
>You sprint and bound, barely clearing the group
>One was paying enough attention to grab at your leg
>Your sweaty foot slips in between their hooves
>And so the chase begins
 
>You sprint through Ponyville, using your head start to get to Twilight as fast as you can
>You yank open the door, to see Twilight reading
>You don’t step inside of course
Twilight! Please say you don’t want to sleep with me!
>”Don’t worry Anon, I found a spell that disables my sense of smell.”
Good, good. So you found a spell to make me cold, aye?
>”Yes, but I need more time to prepare it. As well, I can cast it on an object, meaning you can turn off and on the cold you carry around with you!”
So what should I-
>”THERE HE IS”
Bye now
>The crowd has caught up, Fluttershy up front
>She throws the dildo at you, but you’re already on the fly
>You hear a yelp, but pay no mind
>You’re not sure what you should get the spell cast on
>But you’ll need it soon
>Your log is still flopping around as you run from the crowd
>Starting to get on your nerves
>Wait, that’s it!
>With a skid, you turn and start heading towards Everfree Forest
 
>You lunge through your door, still open from earlier
>You spin around and close it
>You find one of the spare logs you have lying around and quickly cut it into a board and two latches
>You attach it all to the door, effectively making a lock to keep the horde at bay
Now where are they?
>You haven’t worn them in a while
>Too hot
>But now, it’s time for a comeback
>After a moment, you see them
>They’re hanging off the end of the moose horns on your wall
>That was a good wrestling match
>Suddenly there’s a thump on the door
>You grab your plaid boxers, stuffing them in your beard and running up the stairs
>You begin to chop a hole through the logs of your roof
>In a few seconds you’re on the roof
>You peek over the edge
>Yup, that’s a completely surrounded house
>Too far for you to jump
>There are a lot of damn ponies
>Only one way out of this
>Well, two, but you don’t have a shovel
>You stand to your full height, and wait
>You take a few deep breaths to prepare
>After a few moments, the ponies stop trying to break down your door and breath in
>They look up, and suddenly the pegasi are flying up and magic bolts are barely missing you
>You dodge the first couple ponies, and then see what you’re waiting for
>Above you, Fluttershy holds her dildo, a mad gleam in her eye
>You beckon her to come, and she charges
>You jump off the roof
>And grab onto the dildo
>Fluttershy lurches down, trying her best not to lose her grip
>You swing as you fall, and with a roar, you let go, landing by the entrance to the phallic bulge clearing
>Now is the time for speed
>With all the energy you can muster, you run toward the lake, periodically checking to make sure your boxers are still safe in your beard
>The crowd is keeping pace, their lust driving them forward as the heat pulls you down
>You reach the lake and dive
>The pegasi dive bomb you as you swim through the water
>The ponies split up, some running around, some swimming after you
>They can’t match your speed though
>After swimming through northern waters, this is a cake walk
>You reach the other side, far ahead of any of the pursuit
>All the pegasi are now stuck in the water, unable to get airborne
>Except for one
>Rainbow Dash bursts from the middle of the lake, and you see the rainbow begin to appear before her as she picks up speed
>You run again, feeling the air begin to pull as Rainbow Dash reaches higher speeds
>You duck down just as the Sonic Rainboom bursts forth, ripping a few trees out of the ground
>You grab a small one as it flies by, biting through it
>You feel some small amount of strength return to you, and carry on running
 
>You open Twilight's door, throwing in your boxers
May I come in?!
>Twilight nods, already channeling the spell
>You notice she has a black eye
>No time to ask
>”I’ve got it ready! Let’s hope this works, and then we’ll get you in a shower as fast as we can!”
>The walls start to get covered in frost as the heat is sapped out of the room
>Twilight’s horn glows brighter and brighter, but no brighter than the sun shining off the snow
>With a burst of light, your plaid boxers begin to float, turning from the traditional black and red plaid to a black and blue plaid
>Weird, but as long as it works
>The light fades, and you grab your boxers
>You hear the thundering of the ponies hooves as they approach the library
>You step outside, and pull on your boxers
 
>You feel your strength return to you as the cold grasps you
>The natural heat of your body meets it, and equilibrium is found
>You take a deep breath as the sweat dissipates off of you, leaving you with your regular, toned down scent
>Not only does the sweat leave you, but you see a cloud begin to form as the sweat knows it is no longer needed
>The cloud forms a hand, which proceeds to give you a thumbs up
>It then leaves, traveling off into the distance
>A man tear falls once more as you salute it
>The crowd stops moving, as they begin to regain control
>You smile at them
>They look confused
>All is right in the world
 
End