>Day Peaceful in Equestria
>The sun is shining
>The birds are singing
>Disgusting.
>You find yourself bored out of your mind as you meander through Ponyville, attempting to find something to do.
>These ponies are far too happy for your liking
>If only they'd tone it down a bit
>It’s not like you wanted them to suffer
>Oh no, not quite that bad
>It’s just nothing really exciting happened
>You turn a corner, spotting the one place remotely interesting in this whole town
>And even then it’s not that great
>Sugarcube Corner
>You find yourself walking over to the bakery, hoping for a little flash of light in this dreary life you live
>A few feet away from the door, you sense something behind you
>You turn around, only to see the one thing that could make a day like this worse
>Fluttershy
 
>”H-hello Anon! I-I’ve got your f-fetish this time for sure!”
>That stutter is like a drill through your brain
>You smell a faint aroma coming from her
>It smells of sex
>You don’t attempt to hide your contempt, and glare down at her
I seriously doubt that, you pest, but I suspect you’ll try regardless. Go ahead.
>She squeak’s, whether in delight or in fear you aren’t sure. Either way, the aroma strengthens
>Fucking pony.
>She reaches into a bag hanging from her side, and pulls out a deck of cards
>”A-are card tricks y-your fetish, Anon?”
>You stare
>You are dumbfounded
>No one can be this stupid. No one
>How could this fucking pastel coloured pony possibly think that a card trick would be your fetish?
>You consider reaching down and killing her, right in bright daylight
>How easy it would be
>She must see what you’re thinking in your eyes.
>”I-is t-that a no, A-anon?” she squeaks out, and this time you’re sure it isn’t fear.
>Does she want you to hurt her or something?
>Oh god
>You groan
>This place may be hell, but it’s currently home
That’s a no Fluttershy. Now go away, before I throw you away
>”I w-wouldn’t mind if y-you threw me, Anon”
NOW
>She scurries off, giggling the whole time
>Fucking Fluttershy.
>You turn around again, and head into Sugarcube Corner
 
>”HEYA ANON”
>You smile as the pink blur charges into you full speed
>Pinkie may be almost as stupid as Fluttershy at times, but at least she was entertaining
Good morning, Pinkie. How are you?
>”Well I’m just fantastic silly, except I’m a little bored because there are not enough customers around!”
>Pinkie, bored?
>”But of course I’m not bored anymore now that you’re here Anon! Now we can hang out and you can eat some sweets and oh I just know you’ll love them all!”
>She zooms off before you can respond
>You pause, and decide to take a seat
>Moments later, Pinkie returns with a tray full of sweets
>Your mouth waters a little
These look great Pinkie!
>You’ve always had a sweet tooth, even back on Earth
>These ponies are mad about sweetness, and Pinkie brings it to a whole new level
>You suspect if you ever snapped, you’d let her live
>Not that you expect to snap
>Probably.
>You shake your head and start to eat, aware of Pinkie staring at you the whole time from the other side of the table
>You finish off the first treat and look back at her as something dawns on you
Pinkie…
>”Yes Anon, are you going to tell me how wonderful these treats are?! I just knew they’d be fantastic even though they’re a new recipe and I was a little nervous so I figured I’d test them on you since you have such go-“
>You put a hand over her mouth
Yes, Pinkie, they’re great. But that’s not what I was going to say
>Pinkie stops trying to talk through your hand, and is suddenly right beside you
I was wondering, do you know anyone who isn’t always super friendly in Equestria?
>Pinkie stares at you, looking confused
>”Why would you want to know someone not friendly all the time?!”
Well, that’s not exactly what I mean. I’m just curious if there’s anyone who goes against the general rules of Equestria? Besides me, I suppose.
>Pinkie ponders for a moment
>Suddenly a light bulb appears above her head
>What the?
>Oh right, it’s Pinkie.
>”Well, I can think of one guy!”
>You feel your heart beat faster
>Perhaps you can find someone who will understand how boring all this peace is
Who, Pinkie?
>”Discord!”
 
>What
>What kind of name is Discord?
Pinkie, who is Discord?
>”You mean you don’t know?!”
…Pinkie, you do know I’ve only been here for a month, right?
>”Oh my gosh I totally forgot how silly of me! Discord is the spirit of chaos!
>Your heart beats even faster
Chaos you say?
>”Yup! Of course, he isn’t all bad; he just takes his jokes too far!
And where might one find this Discord fellow?
>”Well he’s a statue so I bet he doesn’t move much unless he had someone cart him around but…”
>You stop listening, letting Pinkie continue yammering on
>Stuck in a statue?
>That won’t do at all
>Your beam of light can’t be shot down so fast!
>Unless…
Pinkie, how did Discord become a statue?
>Pinkie shoots you a massive grin
>”Well we turned him into with our elements of harmony!
>Of course, magic.
>So there’s only one course of action left
>You stand, causing Pinkie, who was leaning on you at that point, to fall over laughing
Pinkie, can you take me to Discord’s statue?
 
End of Chapter 1