>A hoof passes in front of your face, catching your attention
>"Anonymous"
>The hoof is purple
>"Hello?  Equestria to Anonymous"
>You shake your head and snap out of it
Sorry.  
>They catch the look on your face
>"What's buggin' ya?  Ya look like ya've got a worm in yer apple"
This is not my world
>"It's not?" asks Twilight
No
>You look Twilight in the eyes
And unless you can magic me back...
>You sit back and close your eyes
I'll be here for a while
>Could you really live in magical pony land for the rest of your life?
>Yes
>But could you leave behind your friends and family?
>That has yet to be seen
>Your family isn't much of a concern
>Both your parents are dead
>Your brother still lives in Texas
>And most of your friends are of the internet sort
>You'd miss the weekly webcam get togethers
>But hopefully, you could manage
>You'd have to
 
 
 
>Your internal reverie is interrupted by something poking your arm
>You open your eyes to see Applejack in front of you
>"Ya'll can stay at Sweet Apple Acres for as long as ya need to"
Really?  You'd do that for me?
>"After what ya did this morning?  Yall could join the family"
>Twilight looks at you questioningly, but doesn't ask
>"Trans dimensional teleportation isn't something lightly done"
>"Only the princesses would consider such a thing"
The princesses?
>"Princess Celestia or Princess Luna, yes"
>So there's hope, at least
>"OHMYGOSH!  I forgot!  I need to send a letter to the princesses!"
>She turns around to the door
>"SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!"
>The door cracks open to reveal a single green eye
>It peers about the room before landing on you
>Then the door closes
>"Oh come on"
>As you watch, a purple aura envelopes the door
>It flies open, and Spike comes floating through coated in the same aura
>He does not come quietly
>Twilight sets him down on the table in front of you
>Sitting like you are, he stands eye to eye with you
>"Spike, this is Anonymous.  Anonymous, this is Spike, my dragon assistant"
 
 
>A dragon, huh?
>This place just gets more and more interesting
Hello Spike
>Spike stares at you
I'm not going to eat you, I promise
>This elicits a giggle
>You hold out your hand
Truce?
>He reluctantly shakes hands with you
>Your massive hand dwarfs his tiny one
>"Now then, Spike, I'd like to send a letter to the Princess"
>"Okay, Okay" He grumbles
>He jumps down and grabs another scroll, this one blank
>He then grabs a quill and inkwell and sets the lot down on the table
>"Ready"
>"Dear princess Celestia"
>She proceeds to explain your situation, and ask if the princess would be willing to attempt such a spell
>"Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle"
>Spike then rolls up the scroll, and breathes fire upon it
Hey, wai-
>The emerald green smoke flies out a conveniently open window
Oh.
>So letters here travel via dragon flame
>You wonder just how many more surprises this land holds for you
>"Did you say something, Anonymous?"
No
You said you had some questions earlier...
>She grins and picks up a notebook and pencil
>You don't like that grin
>It looks...
>Predatory
 
 
>You take a breath and ready yourself
>This might take a while
>"Let's start with that pile of clothing over there"
What?
>"Why do you wear so much clothing?"
>She points to your winter gear
>"Even now, most of your body is covered"
Well, as you can see
>You hold up your bare arm
I don't have nearly as much hair as you do.  The clothing serves as my insulation against cold weather.
It is also a major taboo in my culture to walk around naked
>Twilight's pencil is doing a million miles a second
>Wait a minute
>If you're gonna stay here, you're gonna need more clothes
>You've got a change in the truck
>But that won't cut it for however long you need to be here
>You voice your concerns to Twilight and Applejack
>"Ya'll don't need to worry about that, ya can just go see Rarity"
I'm not sure my currency is valid here
>"Oh don't worry, she can be very... understandin-"
>You all jump as the front door slams open
>And the living incarceration of energy bounces in
>It's a pink pony with a poofy mane
>The room suddenly smells of cotton candy
>"HI!  I'm Pinkie Pie!  What's your name?  Where do you come from?  I heard there was someone new in town and I thought "They must be at Twilight's" and I asked around and you were at Twilight's!  I should throw you a welcoming party!  Everything is better with parties!"
>You've met people like this before
>And you know exactly what to do
>You sit, completely motionless, and stare at the bubbly pink p0ny in front of you
>The words peter out as you peer into the pink one's soul
>Twilight and Applejack exchange worried looks
BOOO!
>You yell as you jump forward and grab at the p0ny
>and succeed beyond your wildest dreams
>Pinkie Pie gives an almighty yelp and jumps up into the rafters of Twilight's housebrary
>Spike rolls over laughing
>Twilight and AppleJack are trying not to, you can tell, but it's a losing battle
>A few chuckles escape their lips
>"That wasn't very nice!" Comes the rebuttal from the rafters
Gotcha!
>"I guess you did, you silly filly"
>You stand up
>Your head is nearly in the rafters, so it's little trouble for you to reach up and grab her
>You hold her in front of you at eye level
No hard feelings?
>She sticks her tongue out at you
>"Not if you come to my party tomorrow!"
Alright, I can do that
>You set her down on the ground
 
 
>"If you're quite finished then, Pinkie?" asks Twilight
>"Yep!  I got what I came for" she replies, looking at you coyly
>Your face turns red
>What on earth was this pony getting at?
>She laughs at you
>"Gotcha back, Anonymous!  See you later."
>She turns around and trots out the door, closing it behind her
>"Pinkie Pie is a... Unique mare" Says Twilight
>"And I wouldn't have her any other way"
>alright, back to the questions
>"Show her yer whatchamacallit" prompts AppleJack
What
>"That thing you killed that timber wolf with this morning"
My pistol?
>"That's the one"
(You can skip the next part if you don't care about how pistols work)
 
 
>You draw your pistol and remove the mag
>Then you rack the slide, ejecting the cartridge in the chamber
>You lock the slide back and place it on the table
>You set the cartridge and the mag next to the pistol on the table
>"You killed a timber wolf with that?" Twilight asks
>She obviously doubts the prowess of John Moses Browning
This is my Colt M1911
There are many like it, but this one is mine
>She takes it up with her magic and begins examining it
It shoots bullets at things I deem deadly threats to myself or my friends
>"Could you be more specific?"
>You take the pistol from her, and pick up the loose bullet with your other hand
This bullet is comprised of four parts: the casing, the projectile, the powder, and the primer
>You point to each part as you list them
It sits inside the pistol like so
>You shove it into the breech and close the slide
When I turn off the safety and pull this trigger
>You point, but do not touch
A pin punches into the primer, causing a spark
>She's lapping all this up
>You take a cartridge from the magazine to demonstrate
That spark ignites the powder inside of the casing, which burns at an extremely high rate, rapidly creating expanding gas
>Twilight nods in comprehension
The expanding gasses force the projectile down the barrel of the pistol, and out this hole in the end at extreme velocities
>You put your cartridge back in the magazine and stick it in the pistol
Some of the pressure from the gas is used to force the slide back
>You yank the slide back
Ejecting the cartridge.  When the springs in the gun pull the slide forward
>You ease the slide forward
It picks up another cartridge out of the magazine and shoves it in the chamber
>YOu rapidly run the slide back and forth, cycling all the cartridges
Like so
 
 
>At the end of your little demonstration, you eject the magazine and pick up all the loose cartridges
>They seem so few, in this strange new place
>Hang on
>This unicorn can do magic
>Maybe, just maybe...
You can do magic, right?
>"Of course I can!" She looks mildly offended
Could you possibly replicate this?
>You hold up the bullet
>"I would have to know what the inside looks like"
>You grab a small piece of paper and a pencil, and sketch a rough side view of a .45 ACP bullet, labeling all the parts
That good enough?
>She looks at the paper thoughtfully for a moment
>Her magic takes the bullet from your grasp and sets it on the table
>Your hands free, you begin loading the remaining bullets back into your magazine
>A look of concentration crosses her face, and her horn begins to glow
>She sways a bit as it glows brighter and brighter
>There's a deafening POP, and the glow fades away
>She sits down on her haunches, panting
>Sitting next to the original cartridge on the table is an identical cartridge
That looked hard...
>"I've never had to replicate such complex materials before" she pants
>"But now that I understand the object, I can tailor a spell to it.  It won't be nearly that hard in the future"
>Sweet
>Unlimited ammo unlocked!
>You feel your prospects are much better now in this land of magical talking p0nies and wooden wolves
>Twilight interrupts your train of thought
>"Can you show me how you held that pencil again?"
>She seems to have recovered her breath
>You oblige, and the conversation quickly turns to the bone structure in your hands, which you sketch
>That in turn segues into human bone structure, which you also sketch to the best of your memory
>And then a crash course in human biology...
 
 
>You step out of the tree, clad once again in your cold weather gear
>Twilight said a response letter will take anywhere from a day to a week
>Apparently the princess leads  a busy life
>Rainbow Dash is still inside Twilight's house, unconscious
>She took a pretty good knock from your windshield; You'll come back and meet her later
>Twilight still has many more questions, but you (and AppleJack) want to get to Rarity's before lunch
>As you turn to face your truck, a strange sight greets you
>It is completely covered in p0nies
>Top to bottom, in the truckbed, on the hood, there are even two fillies on the rear bumper
>At the sight of you they all dismount and run away
You p0nies are a curious lot
>You comment to AppleJack
>It has started snowing again, so you don your goggles and scarf
>As she leads you through town, most of the townsp0nies stop and stare at you
>This would take some getting used to, but it wasn't unexpected
>Eventually, you approach the building that looks like a carousel
>"That's Carousel Boutique"
>AppleJack leads you inside
>The place looks like a clothing designer's wet dream
>Cloth, sewing equipment, and what must be all the finest dresses
>There's even a section devoted to scarves, boots and other winter apparel
>"Rarity!  Rarity!  Ah've got a visitor for ya!" calls AppleJack
>"Just a miiinuuute" returns a dainty sounding voice
>"Ah should warn ya, Rarity's a bit... Fancy" whispers AppleJack
>Around the corner walks a white unicorn with a curly purple mane
>"Now then, Who has come t-"
>She stops mid sentence when she notices you
>Fuck, you forgot to take your goggles and scarf off again
>you remove them hastily and make a bow
You must be Miss Rarity.  My name is Anonymous.  It's a pleasure to meet you
 
 
>Her eyes widen even further at your sudden display of politeness
>You could be genteel and charming when you wanted to
>She seems to make a decision in her head, and resumes her forward motion
>"Well Mr. Anonymous, it is quite nice to meet you as well.  Such a gentlecolt!"
Please, call me Anonymous
>She makes a circle around you, examining your clothing
I come here in need of clothing
>"That much is obvious" she comments
What do you need me to do?
>"Well darling, you must have those horrid things off first.  I need to take your measurements."
>You tromp over by the door and begin stripping off your cold weather gear
>As you do so, you notice AppleJack whispering in Rarity's ear
>Whatever, none of your business
>As you walk back over to the two p0nies, Rarity looks at you with new respect in her eyes
>"You'll have to take off the under layers too, or I won't get accurate measurements"
>You glance around, looking for dressing rooms
>Oh, fuck it
>This place is full of nudists anyway
>And you'll keep the important clothing on
>You sigh and strip off your pants and shirt
>You set your holster on a side table
>You are now standing in front of the two p0nies in your boxers
>You're no Arnie, but you keep yourself in shape
>Both of the p0nies blush slightly
>"My, my, my" mutters Rarity
>The hell is that supposed to mean?
>Her horn glows blue, and a measuring tape animates and begins measuring various portions of your anatomy
>After a minute, the measuring tape sets back down and you put your clothes back on
>"Now then dear, what sort of clothing do you want?"
I'd like a few pairs of pants, a few shirts, several sets of socks and some underwear if you can manage it
>You point to the various pieces of clothing as you name them
As far as payment goes...
>"Oh, I wouldn't dream of charging you!  Not for somep0ny in such need, not after what you've done..."
>You stare at AppleJack
>She shrugs
>"I'll have them ready in a few days.  Until then, ta ta"
>And with that, you exit Carousel Boutique
 
 
>"Ah don't know about you, but ah'm famished"
>Your growling stomach answers the question for you
>"Ah know just the place"
Lead on
>You follow AppleJack as she leads you to the giant cupcake you noticed earlier
>You seem to be on a tour of all the most visually interesting buildings of town today
>The cupcake proves to be just as colorful on the inside as outside
>When you enter the store, all the other p0nies quickly vacate the premises
>Guess they didn't care to be in such close proximity to a huge, bipedal stranger
>This presents you with mixed feelings
>While you don't want your presence to scare the residents of this town
>You also don't mind not having to wait in line
>The p0ny working the register sticks around though
>...And it's none other than Pinkie Pie
>You crack your neck
>This will be interesting
>"Howdy Pinkie, ah'll take the usual"
>"okie dokie!  And what does Anonymous want?"
>You look down at the impressive display case
>So many choices
>You've never seen grass buns before
>You end up taking a few doughnuts
>Pinkie bags them up, along with a few apple fritters
>You dig into your pockets and pull out your wallet
>Oh, right
I don't suppose you take VISA?
>"Nope!"
Then I'm afraid I can't take your food
>"Nonsense!  Ah'll cover it.  Pinkie, put it on mah tab"
But...
>"No buts!  Ah insist!"
>Usually you would press the matter
>But AppleJack obviously isn't going to take no for an answer
>So you take your bag and leave the bakery with her
>"So, where to now?"
I'd like to go check on Dash, make sure she's alright
>The doughnuts make a tasty lunch as the two of you walk back over to Twilight's
 
>At the door of the housebrary, you both stop and look at teach other
Do you want to, or shall I?
>"Go ahead"
>You reach out and knock on the door
>Twilight opens it for you
How's she doing?
>"Dash?  Oh, she's alright.  She had a bit of a concussion, but nothing I couldn't fix"
>So healing magic is also a thing here
>You'll have to ask Twilight just what magic can do at some point
>"She should be waking up soon"
>She steps aside and allows you and AppleJack to enter
>As you shed your layers, you look over at Dash
>Still on the couch, she shifts, revealing a small cloud with a rainbow lightning bolt on her flank
>Now that you think of it, you'll have to ask Twilight about that
>She smiles in her sleep
>You hope she's having a good dream
>Because she's probably not going to be happy to see you
>With that thought, you step through the door you saw Spike enter through earlier, and close it behind you
>Your ugly mug isn't the first thing she needs to see when she wakes up
>You find yourself in a small kitchen
>Through the door, you can hear the cyan pony begin to stir
>"Hey Dash, easy now, you took a pretty good knock to the head"
>This from Twilight
>You hear Dash get off the couch
>"Twilight, you have to come with me!"
>"Why?"
>"There was this big, roaring thing approaching the edge of town!  It had Big Mac and Applebloom and AppleJack and this black thing inside of it!"
>"I think it ate them!"
>That's your cue
>YOu step back through the door
>"AAAH!  WHAT IS THAT THING?"
>Dash rockets up into the rafters and hovers, staring at you
 
 
>"Rainbow Dash, this is Anonymous"
>Why is this becoming such a common occurrence?
>Rainbow doesn't seem to hear Twilight
>She's too busy making a beeline for your skull
>You duck her first pass, and her second
Oh come on!
>A purple glow envelopes Rainbow and halts her flight
>"Rainbow Dash, behave yourself!"
>"What?  Twi, what the hay are you doing!  That thing had AppleJack!  For all I know, she-"
>"She's raight here"
>Damn
>You had to hand it to AppleJack
>She sure knows when to make an entrance
>"But it - and she- I..."
>Rainbow peters off into silence in the face of the evidence
I think we got off to a bad start.  I'm Anonymous.  Nice ta meetcha
>Dash finally succumbs to reason and stops struggling
>Twilight releases her, and she floats down to eye level
>"I'm Rainbow Dash... Sorry about trying to piledrive your skull earlier"
Hey, no offense taken.  I'd probably have a similar reaction if something like me showed up in my house
Wait, that came out wrong...
>She chuckles a bit
So you're Rainbow Dash?   The fastest Pegasus in all of Ponyville?
>"You're darn right I am!"
>Nothing like a little ego stroking to bring someone out of a shitty mood
>Rainbow glances out the window
>"Oh buck!  It's not supposed to be snowing today!  I gotta go!"
>She zooms out the door, leaving a trail of swirling papers in her wake
>Guess there might be something to AppleJack's claim after all
>You look at Twilight quizzically
>She picks up your look
>"What?"
It's not supposed to be snowing today?
>"Oh, right.  I don't know what you do where you come from, but here Pegasus control the weather by pushing clouds around."
>Of course
>Why would you have Pegasus unless you needed something to push clouds around?
>That makes perfect sense
>Twilight picks up a notebook and pencil
>"If you don't mind, I have more questions..."
 
 
>The drive home is fairly uneventful
>You step through the front door of AppleJack's barn
>Today was an interesting day
>There isn't too much conversation at the dinner table
>Supper is once again delicious
>It fills your stomach, but something pokes at your mind
>Oh, right
>You're no freeloader
>And if you're gonna stay here for any amount of time
>You're gonna need a job
>Having resolved your directive, you head for the living room
>An odd sight greets your eyes
>AppleJack is struggling to drag a Pony-sized bed into the living room
>You walk over hand help her, noticing another in the hallway
>"Ah figured you could use these"
>"They're from the guest room, but it isn't heated"
Well thanks AppleJack, I appreciate it
>As you settle down to sleep, you feel...
>Happy
>Things are looking up