Five years ago
 
Every time I thought I was getting closer,
I looked down at my feet, and saw that I was on a treadmill.
You were a mirage
of an oasis
 
And I was damn thirsty.
 
I was like a dog chasing a car.
Wouldn't know what to do with it even if I could catch it.
But it wouldn't matter, because I'd have what I sought after for so long.
But that can't happen.
 
Fast-Forward
 
I can still see you, every now and then
And we know that we're the biggest damn flirts
But nothing's going to come of it.
Never has, and never will.
 
So it seems...
 
And now I'm up,
at three in the morning
Writing this poem for you
Because I can't get you out of my head
 
Get out of my head,
get out of my head,
get out of my head,
get out of my head,
get back in my arms...  `
 
Rewind again
 
Do you even notice me anymore?
Am I just that guy who is kinda there?
Am I there?
Can you see me?
 
Waving my arms.
 
Screaming,
“I’m right here, take a look!”
I know, it’s pretty textbook.
Face red, out of breath
Out of time,
Out of energy.
 
Energy to waste on trying to be everything you wanted
Trying to be noticed,
Trying to be yours.
 
And forward again
 
I made an impression,
You noticed me and my depression,
My recession
From the rest of the group
 
But now that I’ve gotten your attention,
Hear this expression.
My confession
Hear these words
 
You know who they’re for.
 
My words say everything I can’t,
My stanzas bringing to life the forgotten memories
The lines read like the lines on my face,
Happy, sad, angry
 
All of this I know… I can’t say.
 
Now that you know just what I can do,
Tell me now,
How does that influence you?
Does that change how you see me?
 
Does it change who I am to you?
 
Does it make me more or less important?
Now it’s your turn.
Your turn to feel the loneliness,
The anger, the hate
 
Can you see it now?
The angles, the vectors.
The way that I see life,
Cold, calculating
 
No love
 
Not anymore.
Not since you took it.
Carved it out with a scalpel.
With surgical precision
You were my mission
But not any longer.
You’re nothing but a friend now
Just a fond memory
 
Of what I once wanted.
 
Peace
 
Happiness
 
Love
 
Belonging
 
Dependance
 
But I’m no longer afraid,
No longer silently weeping to myself,
Drifting to a sleep, filled with dreams of you
And me
 
You’ve lost your hold on me,
Your control
Your influence
Your ability to make things seem okay
 
When really, shit’s all fucked.