>Your name is Anonymous
>Captain Anonymous to be precise, and you’re Captain of the USS Valykrie of the United States Navy
>And you hate it, you’re stuck with a bunch of kiss ass sailors
>Also being off the coast of Siberia in negative degree temps fucking sucks.
>Navy Command said it’s supposed to be a recon on secret Nuclear weapons, but through my experience that’s bullshit
>You hear a knock at the door
“Come in.”
>”Captain, i’m here to relieve you from your post.”
>About damn time
“Thank you Lieutenant Commander i’ll be in my quarters if you need me.”
>As you exit the front deck into the elements to cross the ship to get to the quarters
“Jesus it’s fuckin cold as shit out here.”
>That one sentence summed up your two month stay here
>Still you walked to your private quarters and didn’t even bother changing your working uniform, since it was cold and you didn’t feel like changing anyway.
>Flopping on your bed with a huff, and slowly drifting into dreamland
>Except it didn’t feel that way, it was colder and wetter, WAIT!
>Your eyes shoot open, HOLY SHIT i’m underwater
>Training kicks in and you breach the surface
>Oh fuck your mind is racing a million miles a minute
>Did you fall off the ship, were you pushed, you don’t know
>Okay look at your surroundings, open water, light fog in the air, unbearable cold water, I have to find land
>Aha, and there’s land over there
>Paddling towards land and getting out of frigid temps into worse conditions
“Out of the Frying pan and into the fire, If it wasn’t so fucking cold.”
“So tundra environment, I must be off the coast of Siberia, have to find civilization before I die of hypothermia.”
“Well let’s get started."
 
>How long do hypothermia set in?
>20 min at max, i hope
>Been walking for 10 minutes i think, GOD it’s SO COLD!
>With constant wind blowing into you, it shakes your soaked body to the core
>I wan’t to strip my clothes so bad, but if I do i’ll just freeze faster
>Trying to search for stars up in the sky, buts it’s blocked by the storm.
>If there were stars you were a Navigator so you can find some sort of direction from them
>But I guess i’m not that lucky am I
>I’ll fucking take anything right now even a damn Gulag
>These Russians have to have some sort of village somewhere
>Just about to give in I see a light eminating from over that snow covered hill.
>Rushing as fast as possible,you get over the ridge and don’t quite like the look of that thing.
>What stands before you is a massive pink? shield that seems to be repelling the harsh northern conditions
“I hope this isn’t what Navy Command was talking about.”
>Well two options
>Stay out here and die
>Or be enslaved by the Russians then plan you escape
>Ring-a-Ding-Ding looks like number 2 is the winner!
>Walking towards the structure you suppose you can walk through it
>But testing is first, it could be electrocuted for all you know
>Slowly putting your hand through it, no shock, but warmth
>The best feeling all day!
“Here goes nothing.”
>Pushing through the force field, it feels like fucking heaven
>But wait, that’s impossible it’s completely spring/summer in here while it’s nuclear winter out there.
>”Stop right there.”
>How did you not notice the ponies, WOAH HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE!
>As the one pony held you at spear point another came along quietly talked to him
>Your mind still boggled and coming back to reality, you see them gesturing for you to come with them.
>”Come you are to report to the Princess of the Crystal Empire."
 
>As you walk with the Crystal? ponies, it slowly starts coming back to you
>Wow they portrayed the Crystal Empire as being big, but not THIS HUGE
>Deciding to pipe up, and asking them questions
“So where are we going?”
>”Were taking you to the Princess along with the others.”
“Woah others, there are more of us?”
>”Yes there are more bronies in the castle. But you’re the first one to show up beyond our borders.”
>You couldn’t help but cringe when he said that word
>In your caught up excitement you forgot about the bronies, the cancer of the internet
>Between your constant inner monologging, you failed to realize the castle doors standing in front of you.
>”Go inside, other guards will show you the way, I must return to my post.”
>Stepping inside the castle it was huge and everything was made of crystals.
>Your inner nerd was practically jumping for joy, not for the ponies, but the crystals
>Back in college your major was in Geology so you want to study some of the different crystals
>As the guards point you in the correct directions, you find yourself behind a line of humans
>If you can call them humans, they’re all ham plants, wearing dinky pajamas of rainbows and unicorns
>It seemed the line went into the throne room
>As not to affiliate with any of these neck beards, you didn’t bother to talk to any of them
>As the line gets shorter you see other neck beards coming out
>Until you see a nor/mlp/erson
“Psst hey buddy.”
>”Yeah do you want something.”
>Upon further inspection he was thin as a twig and his voice cracked like hell
“Yeah man, what going on up there.”
>”They’re asking for your information and assigning you a home.”
“Thanks for the info.”
>Well at least the ponies aren’t leaving us high and dry
>Let’s see there’s about twenty people ahead and nobody behind me, this will probably take awhile
 
>As next to last in line you couldn’t help but notice your completely dry, thank god
>Thinking of passing the time, you dig into your pockets to see what’s on your person
>Taking your 8 point crown cap out and reforming it and you find your old compass
>Man this compass went everywhere with me, saved my ass a couple of times too
>As the last brony exits, you here a loud voice
>”NEXT!”
“I guess that’s me.”
>Opening the doors it’s a rather large room with a table in the middle
>Sitting at that table would be the Princess on the left and Shining Armor on the right
>”You look different for a brony.” Shining Armor spoke up, which also caught Cadence’s attention
>Your going to get this whole thing straightened out
“That’s because i’m not a brony, I am a human.”
>”Oh you sure look like one.”
“There must have been a misunderstanding we are all humans.”
>”Ok well your the last one so shall we get this done?”
>It seems that Shining is taking the lead on this little project, Cadence is just there for show.
“Yes ask away.”
>“Ok so what is your name?”
“My name is Captain….”
>”Captain?”
>Holy Shit why can’t you remember your name, fuckfuckfuckfuckfu
>”Wait a minute.”
“What?”
>”Your name is on your clothes.”
>Looking down it says 'Anonymous’ on one side and ‘US NAVY’ on the other
>It’s coming back to you now, you’re Captain Anonymous of the US NAVY, but you can’t remember which ship you sailed
“Sorry I couldn’t remember my name for a second.”
“But my name is Captain Anonymous." ‘of the US NAVY’ but you didn’t want to confuse them
>”Captain Anonymous, so your in the Military?”
“Yes back on my planet.”
>”Ok i’ll note that for later.”
>”Birthday?”
“March 27.”
>”Zodiac Sign?”
“Aries.”
>”Alright Captain what are your talents?”
>Come to think of it you have a lot of talents
“Actually I have a lot of talents.”
>”Ok lets hear them.”
“Well I can steer a ship, Navigate through unknown territory, study sedimentary through geology and i’m a soldier first and foremost.”
>Leaving out a couple of other talents that probably wouldn’t be practiced in Equestria  
“I could also teach your guard a few tips and tricks from our planet.”
>”Ok Captain, Iv’e made up my mind, your going to stay here in the castle.”