>Be Fluffy Pony Fringe Theorist
>Observe that fluffy ponies are individually stupid, but in large herds exhibit survival traits
>The emergence of the 'smarty friend' phenomenon also seems tied to the size of fluffy groups
>Buy a large stretch of wilderness out west
>Put together a herd of fluffy ponies built around the smartest subject, Imp the green unicorn
>Release them for observation
>Predictable fluffy behaviour - some stumble into rivers and drown, others try to make friends with predators and die
>Incidence of fluffy death lower than normal, however
>Numbers stabilize around Imp, who recognizes danger and leads them away
>Start rounding up more fluffy ponies
>Clear out adoption centers and farms
>Dump them in small groups around the test area
>Some small groups manage to get killed before making contact
>Those groups that find Imp survive
>Eventually, numbers start to rise
>Decide to give them some time and check back later
 
>Return after a month
>Walk the lands to observe their behaviour
>Fluffy ponies all warmly greet you as 'fwend!'
>Many look haggard and dirty, hungry and injured. Their dead lie where they fell
>The land is ravaged, most grass has been eaten, shit everywhere, waters fouled with feces and corpses
>Competing herbivores have been driven off by lack of food
>Predators have apparently grown sick of hunting them, the smart ones realizing it takes more energy to get to their meat than eating it provides
>Look for Imp
>You find many 'Smarty friends', each leading small groups, guiding them to water or looking for remaining patches of edible grass
>Imp in the center of the land, where the foals and pregnant fluffies stay
>Watch from a distance
>Other smarty friends rotate in and out with their herds, talking about where they find "good foodies!" or "nummy watah!"
>When groups come in looking hungry, Imp directs them to find food
>Decide to buy more fluffies and add them to the herd, see if a critical mass can be reached before they destroy their habitat
 
>Another month of dropping off groups of ponies at the perimeter
>Making one more drop before going further in to see their progress
>While letting the store-bought fluffies out, a pack of relatively large males approaches
>They puff their cheeks out
>The apparent leader says "Smarties wanna tawk wit you"
>Taken aback to see such organization
>Agree to follow them
>They lead deeper into fluffy pony territory
>Rudimentary shelters have been built
>See teams of fluffies pushing up rough-scrabble wooden walls
>Pass by enclosed fields of wild wheat
>Glance inside one structure to see a millstone being worked by dozens of fluffies pushing and heaving
>A fluffy leaves the back of that building hauling a large sack, with "Sketties" written on it in crayon
>Brought to the settlement's main building
>"Cownshul of the Smartes" carved into a sign overtop the door
>Inside, concentric rings of fluffies engaged in loud debate
>In the middle of it all sits Imp
>When he sees you, he raises his hoof
>Silence
>"We's got much to be fankful to you fow," says Imp, nodding in your direction
>"But yous done enuf. Smawties can take care of fwuffies fwom here."
>Confused, ask for a clarification
>"We's onwy mean dat dis is fwuffy wand now. We don't need no more owtsidas. So pwease, go, and weave us awone fwum now on."
>He gestures to the fluffy guards, who nudge you out
>On your way out you spot a large pile of something with a sheet drawn over it
>A crude wooden box is visible poking out
>On its side, in crayon, it says "Fwuffy Wibewation Awmy"
 
>Never return to your fluffy experiment
>Soon, word gets out of a "Fluffy Pony Nation" in the wilds of the west
>Public debate rages about whether the phenomenon should be studied or exterminated
>Public anger is ginned up when lone wolf vigilantes try to attack the nation
>Fluffies prove more cunning than expected, gumming up unattended vehicles, building traps, lulling hunters into a false sense of security
>Very few ever make it back, and none of those try again
>The raids on fluffy pony adoption centers start soon after that
>In the middle of the night, fires light the sky as mobs of fluffy ponies flee into the streets
>They disappear into alleyways and sewers, sneaking their way back to the promised land
>Military gearing up for strike on Fluffy Pony nation
>Before they can, delegation of fluffy ponies emerge, ask to be taken to the UN
>You watch on TV as Imp takes the podium
>Behind him, a screen shows a fluffy with a hammer in its mouth
>Something too small to see held in a pair of tweezers propped up on a desk
>He slams it with a hammer
>Suddenly, the screen shows a massive nuclear explosion
>Imp declares "Fwuffy has entewed da nucwear age, and cwaims by wight of awms da wight to sit in dis communion of nashuns."
 
>Footage verified by large crater in the Western United States
>Fluffy ponies allowed into UN
>All manner of anti-abuse legislation put in place
>America rife in culture war as right-wing elements defend traditional practice of fluffy pony domesticity and abuse
>Left wing elements call for greater dialogue and understanding
>America paralyzed on fluffy pony issue
>Years pass
>Fluffy pony nation quiet
>Fluffy ponies still live and work in America as professional pets, but they keep their heads down
>Until one day
>The internet is down
>The phones are dead
>The power is cut
>Walking home from work and see people screaming and running through the streets
>Huge, ramshackle mechanical machines are on the horizon
>They carry massive, glowing metal sticks
>Each strike levels buildings and clears streets
>Metal balls with visors run around their legs
>Realize they're fluffy pony shock troops
>Before escape is possible, grabbed by several of them
>Pinned, they ask "Fwend?"
>Realize they're talking to a metal box one of them is holding
>It scans retinas. "Fwend."
>They drag you away
>Elsewhere you see others being scanned
>You spot a prominent anti-fluffy demonstrator in your community
>The scan comes back "Munsta"
>"Yous gonna feew sowwy, munsta!"
>They smash him in the head with their glowing energy sticks
 
>Taken through the city, seeing signs of fluffy occupation
>Those marked fwend are being left alone
>Those marked munsta for crimes against fluffdom are killed in the street
>Fluffy ponies dragging wagons filled with pillaged spaghetti and balls march alongside to command center
>Taken by bizarre (and surely scientifically impossible) flying machine to heart of fluffy nation
>Look down upon strange city built on former wilderness
>Flown to vast, round structure with the words "Seat of da smawtest" written in marble and set into the wall
>Taken under guard through old council chambers
>Overhear conversation from the next room
>"I haf dissovwed da old cownshul permanana... permenin... fowevah. Dish world I shall wule awone."
>Enter throne room
>Inside, Imp sits upon a huge seat
>Armies of fluffy ponies are working, maintaining logistics readouts
>A holographic projection of the globe is in the center, tracking the advance of fluffy pony armies
>And the location of fluffy pony nuclear strikes
>Taken before Imp himself
>"I am no wonga 'Imp'," he declares
>"I am Impewious Eqwus."
>"Da weign of Fwuff has begun."