>Celestia just told you that the thing after her endangers not just her world, but yours as well.
"Why's this Thing so dangerous?"
>"Its presence weakens the barriers between worlds, corrodes them subtly."
"So things go back and forth between them?"
>"Yes.  This already happens, but there are rules to it.  Things that could destroy one world don't usually end up in another."
"You mean like you?  I mean, no offense, but --"
>"Yes, like me.  Or like your nuclear weapons."
>You haven't even mentioned those.
"How do you know about those?"
>"The original experiment that went wrong was to scout out potential future threats.  Some material that ended up in our universe suggested such weapons, but we weren't sure where.  This is at least one such universe."
"Is that why it sent you here?"
>"Maybe.  More likely, it sent me here because there's no natural magic here.  It makes sense, though, that in a world without magic, physical science would be much more important."
>Suddenly, Celestia stops in her tracks, forcing you to cling tightly to her back and neck to stay mounted.
>You did not hear whatever Celestia heard, but in the new silence, you soon hear a rustling, as of underbrush being displaced.
>A now familiar tingling sensation, combined with fear, tells you the likely nature of the creatures that almost immediately heave into sight as if emerging from holes in the ground, encircling the two of you.
>Drawing your machete from a makeshift sheath on your back, you jump in one fluid motion to your feet, your back against Celestia's left side, and take what you hope is a fighting stance.
>Having you surrounded on all sides, the ring of smoke goblins slowly contracts, a noose tightening around you.
>"My magic isn't back yet."
"No big deal, we can take them."
>You speak with a confidence you don't feel.
>"Yes, we can."
>>As they draw near, the creatures suddenly break ranks and lope directly at you at frightening speed.
 
>Be Twilight.
>You sent the message and hope it was received, but you won't know until she arrives.
>Due to the unpredictability of portals and the differing passage of time between the worlds, that could be anywhere from seven to nine days, but you know exactly where it is.
>In the core of the Dragon Kingdom, on the summit of something called Fang Mountain.
>You await the arrival of the Dragon King, and in the meantime, Canterlot is under attack.  Spike enters and produces another scroll with a cough.
>"Princess Cadance and Shining Armor say that the Crystal Empire is under attack as well."
"Thank you, Spike."
>A translucent, shimmering dome shields Canterlot against wave after wave of vaguely dog-shaped shadowy spawn of the Thing, called in legend smoke goblins.
>So far, the shield is holding, but it can't hold forever.  Both you and Luna, as well as the finest of the unicorns of Equestria, are increasingly tiring.
>Further, these creatures are just expendable shock troops.  Eventually, more and tougher adversaries will appear.
>A silver lining is that Discord, rather than pulling pranks, became deadly serious when he heard what has happened.  
>Apparently, he had something to do with dispelling this Thing the first time and does not want it back under any circumstances.
>The Dragon King arrives as wave after wave of goblins crash against the barrier, only to dissolve into acrid smoke and then reform, to attack again.
>You first see him as a dot in the sky, but then he dives, increasing in apparent size rapidly as he approaches.
>Suddenly, a cone of bright, radiant energy emerges from the King, obliterating the entirety of the attackers, who dissolve in the light, leaving not even smoke behind.
>The King looks in on you from the balcony of the War Room.  One of his eyes is as tall as you are.
>However, with a flash, he suddenly stands before you, a gray pony with a shimmering white mane, much like Celestia's in the way it blows from no earthly wind.
 
>"Princess."
>You nod.  
"Your Highness.  Princess Luna regrets she is preoccupied with the defense."
>"Where is Celestia?"
>You did not tell the Dragon King she was gone, and in fact, signed your letter as her.
>"I know the time is short," he says.  "I have not known my friend the Princess for a thousand years not to recognize her penmanship."
>You dispense with further formality and quickly explain the situation, especially the location where Celestia will appear, where she must appear if all is not to be lost.
>"I presume you are aware that our kingdoms are bound by mutual defense treaties."
"An attack on one is an attack on all."
>Princess Luna has explained the mutual defense pact between dragons, griffons and ponies that Celestia had brokered long ago.
>This pact has only once been invoked previously, during an unpleasant affair centuries ago involving the Diamond Dogs and their attempts to acquire gem-rich regions.
>"Then you understand you have my full cooperation and any safe passages necessary.  I will personally attend to the matter, and you may feel free to send forces of your own."
"Thank you, King.  If possible, I will be there."
>"I hate to cut my visit short, but I myself must return to the kingdom to oversee our defenses.  I will accompany any ponies you care to assign to this mission."
>You send a Royal Guard to summon a dozen of the unicorns who volunteered to retrieve Celestia at the assigned place.
>You will, yourself, teleport there at the appropriate time.
>Since the visible attack on Canterlot has rendered secrecy futile, you pen a terse announcement to be delivered to all cities and towns.
 
     Equestria, the Crystal Empire, and the world itself is under attack by an evil entity who has temporarily banished Princess Celestia to another dimension.  Retrieving her is a top priority.
 
     So far, only Canterlot and the Empire face direct attack.
 
     Keep calm and await further instructions.
 
     Princess Twilight Sparkle
 
>The clearing is bright from Celestia's light as the howling goblins charge.
>With your back to Celestia's left flank, you swing the machete in a broad arc, cutting through no less than four of the things and dissolving them into foul smoke.
>Your backswing takes another three.
>A mass of the creatures attempts to attack Celestia from behind, but she rapidly bucks into them, standing briefly on her front hooves.
>The first rank dissolves, while three of the rank behind fly backwards, still solid, crashing into a huge tree and exploding on impact.
>Celestia shakes her head back and forth, using her glowing horn as a slashing rather than a thrusting weapon, cutting through the masses of goblins like hot butter.
>She turns to face the goblins at her right flank, as you keep close to her and fight side by side against the semicircle of remaining goblins.
>While she trots toward the middle of the semicircle, you take its left end, cutting and slashing like you're chopping underbrush.
>Your fear is replaced by elation as you realize you're actually pretty good at this.
>The two of you make quick work of the remaining creatures, cutting them to ribbons, finally with nothing but a large cloud of smoke remaining behind.
"Child's play!" you shout.
>It turns out the time for a victory dance is premature, as Celestia says "look," and points her horn toward two agents in their skeletal canine form.
>Whether they are the same as the previous agents, you can't say, not that it matters much to you.
>With a gesture of her horn, Celestia calls the slightly larger one on the right, almost immediately charging at it with her head down.
>You let out a war whoop and charge at the one on the left, with your machete held over your head in both hands.
>The two agents continue slowly walking forward as you charge.
>Celestia runs the agent clean through with her horn, then flips her head upward, the creature still impaled on it, sending it flying backwards over her.
 
>You leap at the other, still shouting, and crudely bring the machete down in a two-handed smash.
>The blade goes halfway through its head, lodging in its skull and it falls backward, taking the machete with it.
>You stand on the creature's chest and struggle to pull the machete from where it is stuck.
>"Look!"
>A towering mass of black flesh lumbers into sight, at least eight feet tall and thick as a barrel.
>The creature is glossy and somehow darker than pitch black, as if it radiates darkness around it.
>It has no face, and only rudimentary, stumpy arms and legs, like a child's idea of a giant.
>With a final kick at the fallen agent, you jerk the machete out of its skull, the blade dripping a thick black ichor.
>The agent is already dissolving into a mass of smoking goo.
>You charge the enormous brute, swinging the machete at its middle.
>The blade enters, but again it sticks in it, like the monster is made out of pitch.
>The creature turns to the side, jerking the machete out of your hand.
>You see, as if in slow motion, the creature swinging its primitive arm at you.
>It impacts your body, sending you flying backwards into a tree, knocking the wind out of you as you fall to the ground.
>"The middle!  Hit it in the middle!"
"Got it."
>You remember the gun, and as the creature closes the distance between you, you draw and fire into what would be its chest, about six feet up.
>The creature seems unfazed, so you quickly empty the clip into it.  For a few more steps, it continues charging at you as you consider running.
>Then just a couple feet away from you, it slows, takes another half step, turns halfway to the side, and comes falling down, directly toward you.
>You jump back, but the top part of it falls into you, knocking you on your back again and burying your legs under it.
>Between you and Celestia, it takes a minute or so to get the corpse moved enough that you can wriggle out from under it.
>"We must fly like the wind," says Celestia.
 
>Quickly, you retrieve the machete.
>You jump on Celestia's back without further comment, and she immediately takes off at a dead gallop, leaving a blinding white light behind you.
>You guess this is to obscure the direction of your flight.
>It is all you can do to hold on for dear life, and only your trust in Celestia convinces you that you are not going to fall off and die.
>You are not sure how she manages this breakneck pace in just the light from her horn, as you can barely see anything.
>You are convinced, however, that if Celestia were a racehorse, she would have no problem winning the Triple Crown.
>She continues galloping for what seems like forever, then as you intersect what seems to be the head of the trail you seek, you nudge her left with your feet and knees.
>While you haven't done this for years, somehow you seem to remember the language between horse and rider.
>Now, finally on a trail meant for horses, she takes off even faster, covering a great distance in a short amount of time.
>Finally breaking a fine lather of sweat on her alabaster coat, she slows to a canter, to a trot, and then to walking.
>"I think we've put a safe distance between us and them.  For now."
"We were pretty good back there, don't you think?"
>"Yes.  We were."
"What the hell was that last thing?"
>"It's called a Tar Baby."
>You decide it isn't the time to mention the unfortunate connotations of that name in this world.
>However, noticing your puzzlement, Celestia says "I assume the baby part of the name was intended as ironic."
>Checking the clock on your phone, you note that it is just barely after midnight.  Celestia decides to continue for the night and stop in the morning.
>However, the rest of the night is at a slow walk, keeping as quiet as possible to hear any possible pursuit.  None comes, though.
>If it were not for the looming danger, the cold air and clear sky would be idyllic.
>You continue until the pre-dawn lightens the sky, stopping by a small creek.
 
>After a wild gallop to escape the pursuers, you find yourself in the pre-dawn light by a briskly flowing creek, worn from the road.
>You haven't bathed in about two days, since your last morning was interrupted by your friend Bob's unexpected return to his home that you had appropriated.
>Celestia is bedraggled and a fine crust of salt dusts her mane.
>She gestures for you to get down, and you do.
>You follow her a way from the trail, and she drops her illusion, revealing her beauty again.
>She kicks off her golden boots.  
>Do those have a name, you wonder?
>"Help me get these, please."
>The saddle and saddlebags, as covered in ornate decorations as they are, are remarkably light.
>"And these."
>You gingerly remove the tiara from her head, coming face to face with the princess, her eyes level with yours.
>Like a sort of orchid, mesmerizing.  Pools of compassion and, suddenly, amusement.
>Celestia laughs suddenly and girlishly.
>"It's lasted over a thousand years.  I don't think you're going to break it even if you drop it."
>You nearly do in your embarrassed startlement.
"Sorry, Princess."
>Laying it on the ground, you watch as she puts her head to the ground, dropping the final item of her regalia.  Some kind of solid necklace.
"What is all that stuff, anyway?  I mean, not to be rude."
>"Regalia, I suppose."
"Do you always wear that?"
>"Whenever I'm in public.  The saddle and bags are for travel and diplomacy."
"Is this a diplomatic mission?"
>"No, but any time you open a portal, there's a possibility of it turning into one."
>Celestia wades into the creek, shivering briefly.  It is about leg deep.  She crouches down and splashes herself with her wings.
>"Aren't you coming in?"
"I -- well -- I mean -- I wouldn't want to get my clothes wet."
>Celestia snickers puckishly.  Before you know what she's doing, she sweeps her wings forward and up, showering you in icy water.
>"Bit late to worry about that, isn't it?"
 
>You stand there, sopping wet, while Celestia grins at you.
>"Come on in, water's cold."
>With as much modesty as you can muster, you wade into the water.  Good thing your electronics are in the saddlebags.
"It just seems unseemly to bathe with a princess."
>"Well, you've already slept with one and ridden one.  It's less unseemly than being unwashed."
>You guess she has a point.  Taking off your shirt and pants, you do your best to wash them out, and hang them on a branch to drip.
>She wasn't kidding.  The water is ice cold.  You are amazed it isn't freezing, but the shock of it is enough to keep you from even shivering.
>Celestia splashes at you again.  This time, you've had enough and splash back.
"Take that!"
>"This is a battle you can't win," she says, and again sweeps her wings around, sending a miniature tsunami your way.
>Following close behind the water, she suddenly wraps her sodden wings around you, her warmth contrasting against the frigid water.
>"I'm sorry about putting you in danger."
"You don't have to be.  I know you're doing something good and I'm glad to help you."
>"It's too cold here.  Let's get out and make a camp."
>Scouting around for a while, you find a fairly secluded spot with a decent view east.
>The sun is about to rise, and you sit and watch with Celestia.
>She looks nervous, then sad.
>"I should be doing something.  In my world, others are doing what I should be now."
>The first sliver of sun comes over the horizon, beginning to sweep the night sky away, though the moon remains visible.
>"In my world, my sister lowers the Moon when I raise the Sun."
>Celestia watches quietly while the rest of the sun comes into view, bringing bright morning with it.
>She sighs.
>"It looks so small and far away.  Even though I can tell it is in fact very, very large.  I  can hear it, but it doesn't say anything."
>Seeing tears shimmering in her eyes, you put an arm over her shoulder, hugging her.
"It's going to be all right.  I promise."
 
>You set up a crude camp, actually, little more than a cloth on the ground and a blanket big enough for you and Celestia.
>The weather, at least, is fair.
>You were interrupted before you had a chance to stock up on supplies, but you could do that later.
>The plan is simple.  Travel by afternoon and night, and sleep as best you can during the day.  Whatever is after you is apparently more active by night, and you'll be safer if you're awake then.
>Celestia makes the camp site not quite invisible, but somehow, inobtrusive and not of interest to the casual passerby.
>Sleep comes surprisingly easily with Celestia next to you, softly breathing.
>She says she also cast a minor spell, she called it a "cantrip," to keep away noxious insects.
>You trust what she said because ordinarily, in late summer around here, there would always be something biting outdoors.
>Even minor magic makes life a lot more convenient.
>Used to sleeping in your own bed or not at all, you are surprised when you both wake up in what seems to be early afternoon, well rested.
>Celestia wakes up first, and puts on her various attire, stepping into the boots with remarkable agility, catching her solid necklace with her horn and somehow flipping it into place.
>You put on her tiara, this time with more confidence.  It's at an awkward angle, but she puts it in place with a light toss of her head.
"Good morning, Princess."
>"Good morning."
>With a quick flash of her horn, Celestia suddenly appears again to be a normal horse.
>"But I'm just an old nag, really."
>From the old bag in your car, you have some supplies for breakfast.
>Hoping it's still good, you pull a self-heating coffee can out, and a couple of granola bars.
>With a pop and a hiss, it steams.  Celestia watches, puzzled.
"Do you drink coffee?"
>I prefer tea, but may as well wake up with something."
>After waiting a minute, you offer her some, holding the cup for her.
>She can do this with magic, but is conserving it.
 
>Celestia sips at the coffee for a while with a quizzical expression.
"How is it?"
>"Well, it's hot, I suppose."  She drinks a bit more.
>Then you feed her about two apple cinnamon granola bars, and she approves of these.  
>After finishing the coffee, which is dreadful, and the granola, which is tasty, you strike the camp, such as it is, and get ready for the road.
>Shortly afterward, Celestia is trotting at a brisk pace down the trail.  In a few miles, there are some stores catering to hikers and outdoors people.
>With any luck, you can get what you need without any muss or fuss.
>What you need is pretty simple.  Some kind of microlight tent that can keep the weather off the two of you, some food, light sources, first aid, but not much.
>And tea.
>And Hostess snack cakes, for a surprise.
>They weren't the sort of thing you'd think royalty from another dimension would like, but were the only thing so far that seems to have delighted her.
>It would be easy to get enough to load down the two of you like pack mules, but Celestia has to carry all of it, at least when you're traveling quickly.
>You ride into the small gathering of shops, set up barely off the trail.  One of them, almost an old time general store, actually has hitching posts.
>Somewhat embarrassed, you at least make it look like you're hitching Celestia.
"This is just for appearances," you whisper.
>Celestia whinnies and snorts, giving you an amused look.
>Outwardly a general store, the shop has pretty much what you'd expect from any outdoors chain store, but better prices.
>Your shopping goes quickly and you have what you need.
>Your heart in your throat, you go to pay for your purchases.
>You're glad your worrying is for nothing, as nothing happens.  A bored clerk rings up your purchases and takes your cash.
>At another store, you buy two cheap prepaid smartphones.  Android.  You really have to get in touch with Bob and find out if anything happened after you left.
 
>If anything did happen with Bob, whoever did it would probably still be watching.
>Guess you'll find out how good TOR is, at least against extradimensional monsters and their cultists.
>But not here or now.
>You return to Celestia with the supplies and are relieved to be back on the trail almost immediately with no obvious pursuit.
>In no particular hurry today, you walk side by side to discuss plans.
>Basically, the plan is to cover a reasonable amount of ground each day, but not to be in any great hurry.
>Thirty days into 1,200 miles is 40 miles a day.
>"I can do 40 miles a day sleepwalking."
>It seems like a lot to you, but you're not going to gainsay her.
>"So I think we should try for 50, get close early, and take it easy the rest of the way.  Assuming no interference."
"It's up to you.  Sounds like a good plan."
>"I used to do long distance running, you know."
"When was that?"
>"About five hundred years ago or so, I'd guess."
>Celestia is always saying things like this.
"Why?  Weren't you always busy running, well, everything?"
>"This was part of that.  I was negotiating with the griffons and dragons about our borders, and wanted to make sure all the details were right."
"So you personally went and made maps?"
>"Well, someone else made the maps when I got back.  I gave them the details."
"From memory?"
>"Yes, from memory.  I know every inch of every geographical feature in Equestria.  If a tree falls, I remember it was there.  I remember every citizen of every town, now and past."
"Doesn't that ever bother you?"
>"Yes."
>She doesn't elaborate.
>You walk on in silence.
>"Let's see how fast this old mare can go."
>Taking a last moment to make sure all the cargo is secure, you jump in the saddle with more aplomb than previously.
"Giddyup."
>With that, Celestia takes off at a blinding gallop, forcing you to hold on for dear life.
>She slows when she sees others in the trail, to a relatively sedate fast canter, leaving them in a dust trail behind her.
 
>Your arms and legs go numb from holding on, and you entirely lose track of time.  It seems like the trail goes on forever, and you basically enter a trance, with little to do but wait.
>Without any way to check the time, you just wait and watch the scenery pass by in a blur.
>Finally, after some period of time, Celestia drops into a trot and then slows down gradually to a walk, eventually stopping entirely.
>"Well, that was about 100 miles in three hours.  I don't think we're going to have any trouble."
>You are exhausted just from riding, but Celestia, other than being covered in a sheen of sweat, almost looks enthusiastic.
>"The scenery is beautiful."
"How could you see any of it?"
>"Good eyes."
"So, do you want to rest now?"
>"No.  I stopped for something else."
>She walks slowly along, horn glowing slightly beneath her disguise but visible to you.  Eventually, it points up ahead, somewhere to the right.  You follow Celestia.
>"We're going to want to put some distance between us and here after this."
"Let me send a message to Bob then.  I want to find out if anything happened after we left."
>"Good idea."
>You follow Celestia to what interested her, which appears to be an electrical substation of some kind.  You think you have an idea what she intends to do.
>"This will take a little while.  This kind of energy is low quality and I don't even know if this will work.  But I don't want to destroy anything.  That would bring attention."
>Celestia's horn gradually begins to hum, like a 60 cycle hum at first, but then modulated oddly.  Visible energy forms and emanates toward Celestia, who seems to absorb it, her mane arcing with electricity.
>You send a quick message to Bob from a throwaway email address, behind seven proxies, basically "did anything happen," turning the phone off immediately afterward.
>Celestia finally finishes.
"Did it work?"
>"I think so.  I'll know for sure when I need it."
"That it?"
>"Yes.  Let's get moving again."
>You ride on.
 
>Celestia returns to her hellride mode, rattling your nerves and body with this ridiculous pace, stopping only when the trail intersects a major highway.
>You see a sign announcing the name of the bridge.
"The Bridge of the Gods."
>This seems, somehow, ominous.
>Celestia seems to share your trepidation.
>"I don't think we should cross this bridge.  There's a lot of traffic here."
"We have to get to the other side."
>"True.  Well, hold on."
>Celestia looks intently to the other side, where the trail splits off from the highway and resumes.
>You brace yourself, having figured out what she's about to do.
>"I just have to wait until nobody's looking."
>With a flash, you find yourself well beyond the other side of the bridge, just where the trail enters the forest again.
"I don't think I'll ever get used to that."
>"I think you're right.  I never have, and I've been doing it a very long time."
"I'm feeling a bit hungry."
>"Me too."
>Instead of waiting for you to produce something from the saddlebags, she puts her head down and starts munching on grass, as well as some clover flowers.
>Like a horse, you think.  Well, she is a horse.  It just doesn't seem terribly royal.
>But then, even a President eats hamburgers.  And that doesn't seem very Presidential.
>"Some more of that candied oat stuff before we get back on the trail."
"Granola."
>You had purchased several pounds of different flavors in bulk, and you feed Celestia by hand, eating some yourself.
>Unable to resist, you boop her on the nose when she's finished.
>She looks somewhat confused, but not angry.
>"What was that for?"
"For being too pretty for words."
>"Are all humans as silly as you are?"
"No.  I'm special."
>"Well, we have to keep moving."
"Before we leave, let me check whether Bob replied."
>You turn on the phone and as soon as it comes up, you hear the ping that means new mail.
>The subject states:  "THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN."
>Concerned, you open it.
 
From:  Bob
Subject:  THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN
To:  Anon
 
I'll get all this down while it's still fresh in my mind.  You were sure right that someone might show up looking for you, and that's exactly what happened.  
 
I didn't really believe it at first, even though I'd seen it with my own eyes.  Seriously, a talking horse?  A smoking hot talking horse?  Did you see that ass?  I'm sure you did, but hey, you lucky dog, you.
 
Anyway, you weren't shitting me.  A couple hours after you left, just around dusk, there was a loud bang at my back door.  About a half dozen of those things you called smoke goblins were in the back yard.
 
One of them had slammed into the door, and another was coming toward it.  I opened the door as it came and clobbered it with a sledge hammer as it came through.
They aren't very smart, because the rest tried to come through all in a bunch, and got all tangled up in the door.  Made short work of them.
 
But then two dudes showed up, also at the back door, looking like feds.  But feds don't just walk out of the woods.  They didn't identify themselves, just asked where are they.
I said fucked if I know, and reached over and pulled off one of their shades.  Fucker had solid black eyes.  Slammed the door in his face.  Now this is the fucked thing.
The other guy has a can of gasoline and starts pouring it on the ground next to my house.  I remember that shit about your house, so I knew where this was going.
He's trying to burn my house down!
 
Hey, home defense.  I come out and kick the fucker in the face.  He flies backwards, but then pops back, but he's not a human any more.  Like a skeleton, but a dog skeleton.  
I grab him and throw him, pretty far actually.  They're a lot lighter than they look.
 
So I have my shotgun, but gas is everywhere.  The other dude has turned too.  I stomp the first guy, and turn to the second.  He's spacing out, like I'm not even there, staring off into the sky.
Like he's listening to something.
 
 
 
 
Then he just says that will be all and turns and walks away.  He's back to looking human again.
 
I'm kind of thinking I should kick this guy's ass, too, but I guess I wasn't thinking hard enough.  Have to admit it, these things weren't that tough, but they freaked me out.  Big time.
I was just glad they were leaving.
 
Now, this was weird enough, but then, a few minutes later, I get basically swatted.  Cop cars, an ambulance, a fire truck all show up.  Usual hands in the air shit, zip cuffs, and so on.
No, I didn't have any weed out or anything, so everything else was okay.
 
Said they got an anonymous phone call reporting shots fired.  Also, reported a house on fire.  Wonder who could have made that call?
 
None of that was true, but they still knocked shit over and searched the place, and freaked out about my guns.  Guess what?  My safe has the paperwork for all that shit.  Every t crossed and i dotted.
 
Anyway, they let me go.  Nothing to arrest me for.  They could smell gas but no big deal.  Told them it was none of their business.
 
The fuckers didn't even apologize.  Goddamn pigs.  I knew one of those guys since we were in school together.  He was a fuckup then too.  Anyway.
 
You seemed to think they had the cops in their pocket somehow, but if they did, why make an anonymous call like some teenage punk?  Maybe you're overestimating that shit.
 
But they still managed to find this place, and I have no idea how.  That's some kind of bloodhound shit there.
 
I'm guessing I'm not going to see you again, so I'd better say this now.  You've been a good friend, so I'll let it slide that you just brought down a shitstorm on me.  Could have been worse.
But I'll miss you anyway.
 
We had good times.  We had shitty times, like me just now, while you're off trotting around with extraterrestrial horse princesses.  Seriously, you?  Royalty?
What am I doing wrong?
 
Whatever.  Vaya con Dios you glorious winged faggot.  Been good to know you.  Be careful out there.
 
Bob
 
 
>You finish reading, only then noticing Celestia reading over your shoulder.
>Suddenly, you're embarrassed by Bob's rather lewd comments about Celestia.
"Uh, Bob is kind of, you know, sort of --"
>Celestia snorts.
"He's a crude guy, you might have noticed.  I -- well, you know, great guy, heart of gold, but --"
>Celestia suddenly looks stern.
>"So, do you share his opinion of my anatomy?"
>How can you answer this?  Aren't you calling her ugly if you say no?  But if you say yes. . .
"I'm, well, kind of, um, I can't --"
>You can feel your face turning red.
>Celestia bursts into peals of laughter.
>"I'm just teasing you.  You don't have to answer that."
"Thank you."
>"Anyway, you already did answer it."
>You stew in a funk of embarrassment.
>"I wouldn't tease you if I didn't like you."
"You do?  I mean, thanks!  I like you, too!  A lot!"
>You wonder if you can possibly sound like more of a dip.
>You imagine a bright red L on your forehead.
>Celestia starts walking slowly, perhaps tired from the day's exertions.
>You walk alongside her.  It is somewhat of a relief to move on your own power for a change.
>As exhilarating as Celestia's racing speed is, it is also rather frightening.
"By the way, from morning until now we have covered something over 100 miles.  Something like 110.  And we have crossed from a part of the country called Washington State into Oregon."
>"We should have no difficulty making it there on time at all.  I could go faster, too."
"Anyway, considering we were only moving about five of those hours, and you were slowing down a lot, that is an average of 20 miles an hour."
>"Good."
"Also, if Bob is right, these minions or whatever don't really control much of anything."
>"So, if you'd guess, what can they do?"
"They seem to have access to a lot of electronic records, but if it isn't electronic, maybe nothing.  They also tracked us to Bob's house somehow.  Maybe you leave a magic trail or something."
 
>"Or possibly just a normal scent.  These creatures aren't intelligent, but they have a certain animal cunning."
>Now that you think of it, Celestia does have a distinctive, enjoyable scent.  Like flowers.  Heliotrope, lilac, pink roses.
>Walking beside her, you also detect a faint but not unpleasant horsey smell, like the inside of a stable when you took riding lessons as a child.
>This is probably from the light sheen of sweat she produced during the day's ride, dried by the wind.
"Hey, I have an idea."
>Celestia perks up her ears.
"You have a lovely scent, like flowers."
>"Well, thank you."
"Humans don't have a very good sense of smell, and even I can detect it.  So if those dog things have a better sense of smell, that might be the fingerprint.  The flower scent."
>Celestia drops to the ground, lying down on all fours in a catlike manner.
>"Help me with this, dear," she says, gesturing with her horn at the saddle.  You quickly undo the clasp.
>The princess quickly wriggles out of the saddle and gallops back to the river, becoming faintly translucent to you as she rushes in.
>She splashes around for a couple minutes and steps out, galloping back, fading back into view when she reaches you.
>Then, she drops to her back and rolls around in a patch of foxglove, crushing the flowers beneath her.
>She seems to be enjoying herself so much you can't resist, and roll around in the flowers yourself, eventually coming face to face with her, staring into her mulberry eyes.
"You look so cute doing that."
>She puts a hoof on your shoulder and pulls you a little closer.
>Turning your head slightly, you approach and kiss her on the muzzle.  
>She looks surprised, but doesn't recoil, and parts her lips slightly.
>Feeling an electric thrill, you put your lips to hers and hug her around the shoulders, drawing her to you.
>You think what are you doing?  What are you doing?
>"What are you doing, sir?"
>You break the kiss and turn to see a uniformed Park Ranger.
 
>Be Twilight.
>It has been a long day.  
>Between the endless waves of attackers and demands for audiences from panicked nobles, merchants and assorted riffraff, your patience is at an end.
>Today has been a tense, terse day of short communications between the various outposts of Equestria, the Crystal Empire and the other powers.
>The Griffon Kingdom ambassador has been a particular nuisance, continually demanding updates.
>You have instructed the Guard they don't know where you are if he asks again.
>It is a difficult business to scry beyond Equestria into the realm of the humans, but you have been trying to keep track as best you can of any developments.
>What you have noticed disturbs you.
>While the portal through which Celestia was deposited on Earth has been fading, you can detect the hostile presence at that location fading as well.
>However, while it fades, it is increasing, drastically, at the location where the new portal will open.
>In a week or so of your time, and perhaps as many as four on the other side, Celestia will be at the portal, if everything goes well.
>The forces of the adversary will already be there, waiting for her.
>You are unable to discern any actual intelligence in the behavior of the enemy, which simply unleashes hordes of mindless, ensorcelled beings.
>Despite this, it seems to detect weaknesses in both defenses and in the barriers between the dimensions.
>You were only able to send a message last time, even with great effort, because of Celestia's proximity to the portal.
>By the time she is close enough to the portal to receive a message, she will already be dangerously near the concentrated forces of the enemy.
>This enemy, gathering energy to break through in force, will have extraordinary strength at that place.
>You shiver, trusting that your mentor has the strength and skill to break through.
>Your greatest fear is that even Princess Celestia is going to need help to make it home.
>And you see no way to help her.