http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/S9933011
 
>You are in Twilight's library
>She's going on and on about some stupid book
>Something about Monkey Dicks, Quantum Theory and You, a beginners guide
>Your attention is drawn to a table of flasks filled with highly flammable chemicals
>You're becoming increasingly bored
>wat do
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winning post: (ask her to grow your dick 3 sizes that day)
 
>Interrupting her during her tirade is like speaking to a brick wall
>A very talkative brick wall
>Nonetheless, she manages to hear your request past her inane babbling and her horn glows
>Your pants grow tighter and a very visible bulge appears
>You measure your new appendage
>Exactly three times the size it used to be, neat
>She's still talking
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winning post: (Tell her that if she made clones of herself she could get more work done.)
 
>You suggest she make clones of herself so she could get her work done faster
>The room is now filled with Twilight Sparkles
>All of them talking
>The ruckus of her repeated use of the words monkey and dick is starting to draw attention
>Or maybe the town really is that interested in quantum mechanics
>Your head hurts from all the jibber jabber
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winning post: (See how many twilightsyou can stack before the twitower falls over.)
 
>Out of madness you begin stacking Twilights like building blocks
>You get about seven high until it inevitably topples over
>One of the Twilights rolls into the table of flasks, shattering them and spilling the contents on the floor
>The burner falls with and lights up the concoction
>The library is now on fire
>The Twilights are still talking
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winning post: (Throw panka in the hopes the fire will begin to sieze)
 
>You throw panka into the fire hoping to put it out
>The fire does not cease
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winning post: (Run to the nearest ponies and call for the fire station/aid!)
 
>You rocket out the door in search for help
>You slam face first into a crowd of ponies
>They're all standing around gawking at you
>Or maybe it's the smoke billowing out of the front door
>Yeah, it's probably that
>"Hiya, anon!" Oh shit, Pinkie
>"Pinkie, call for help. There's a fire."
>"No worries, silly! I can help!"
>"Pinkie, no!"
>She throws confetti into the fire
>The fire grows larger
>You hear a chorus of dicks from inside the library
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winning post: (Put it out with gasoline.)
 
>You quickly get off the ground and look around frantically for something to put out the fire
>You see a big red canister filled with some sort of liquid
>It stinks, but it's definitely liquid
>And as you learned during your time with the boy scouts, liquid puts out fires
>You run back and toss the contents on the fire
>For some reason the fire grows even more, now licking the ceiling
>Drats, you were sure that would work
>You hear sirens off in the distance
>Huh, you weren't aware ponies had fire engines
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winning post: (Snoop dog shows up to smoke some weed)
 
>Out of nowhere, fucking Snoop Dogg
>"Smoke weed everyday" he says as he takes a puff
>A burning tree branch falls and crushes him beneath
>His time here was short, but his message will live on forever
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winning post: (Spike walks out of the library to see 60 Ponkas raping you for no reason.)
 
>Spike wakes up from his nap, walks past the numerous Twilights and finds you being raped by a gang of sixty ponkas
>How you thought this would help put out the fire, you don't know
>Just then a wagon pulls up with a cross-eyed gray pegasus in a firefighter's helmet
>She stops her wee woo-ing and looks around at the debacle in front of her
>"We were alerted there was a fire in the vicinity. Can you point us in the right direction?"
>There is clearly a burning tree right in front of her
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winning post: (Pee on her)
 
>You struggle your way out of the barrage of ponka rape and let them fuck each other
>You walk up to the little pegasus and unzip your fly to let a torrent of salty golden pride hit her on the head and dribble down her face
>In retrospect, you could have just urinated on the fire, but you no longer have that option
>Her eyes are beginning to tear up from the sting of your piss
>"Why would you do that?" she asks
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winning post: (I get of to it.)
 
>You reply simply "I get off to it"
>She smiles at you
>"I do, too!"
>All these years, you've finally found your soul mate
>You embrace her jovially, covering yourself with your own piss
>The crowd applauds, everyone ignoring the screams and smell of burnt flesh coming from the library
>Today is a great day
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winning post: (beaners show up to clean up the mess)
 
>A stampede of sombrerians rush the house while their shitty festival music plays
>They gather up all the ponkas and burnt Twilights, clean you and Derpy off and smother the fire with their bodies
>They leave as quick as they came, leaving behind the smell of Mexican food and taking all your beer as payment
>The mare you're hugging begins to cry
>Fucking beaners, taking jobs for lower wages
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winning post: (Give Twilight a morpher so she can become a power ranger alongside you (feel free to pick which season))
 
>Luckily, their shoddy workmanship is apparent as they've left behind one of the dead Twilights that got herself stuck underneath a fallen bookcase
>You put a morpher in her burnt hoof and shout "Go Go Power Rangers!" at the top of your lungs
>She is now a burnt Power Ranger
>What a cunt. You wanted to be the red ranger
>You kick the corpse and the extra crispy tail falls off
>Now what
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winning post: (go to church nigga)
 
>You realize what atrocities have been committed today
>You make your way to the church to beg forgiveness and expel the evil spirits
>"No, faggot"
>God has forsaken you
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winning post: (Sacrifice Derpy.)
 
>It hurts, but in your heart you know what must be done
>You return for your beautiful walleyed mare and bring her to the church to begin the ritual
>She pleads for her life, but you know this is the way it's supposed to be
>You'll appease the gods by offering her up as a sacrifice
>You urinate your pants in anticipation
>At least this way she will die still loving you
>You bring the ceremonial knife down and impale her upon the altar
>"I call upon the father, the son and the holy moot!"
>It seems the gods are pleased
>It also seems you went from monotheism to polytheism in the span of a second
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winning post: (Pull a "it was all a dream" and wake up having dozed off over twilight's rambling.)
 
>Sounds of thunder and lightning ring throughout the church
>You laugh like a mad man, covered in the blood and urine of your sacrifice
>You're about to request the gods aid you in world domination, but the words "monkey dick" begin to reverberate off the walls, louder and louder until
>You wake up
>It was all a dream. The clones, the fire, the Mexicans, the ponkas, your beloved...
>A single tear rolls down your cheek
>Twilight is still talking
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winning post: (cum and fart while riding twilight's horn and fingering her.)
 
>You throw off your pants and mount Twilight's horn
>It fills up your asshole snugly
>You let out a fart while grinding your prostate against its smooth surface
>Cum spurts from your dick and lands on her back as you reach over and finger her furiously
>Spike has woken up from his nap and is now staring at you with his mouth agape
>Twilight has moved on to string theory and the fall of Rome
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winning post: (the ass fucking friction has started a fire)
 
>You grind your asshole against her horn, faster and faster until sparks start to fly
>You let out a massive fart, the sparks igniting it and sending out a pillar of flame
>Spike is caught in the crossfire as the pillar laps at the books and sets fire to the library
>Spike is dead
>The library is on fire
>Twilight is still talking
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winning post: (ask her to triple your penis size)
 
>You loudly request Twilight triples the size of your penis
>In a flash, your hog is now resting at the base of her tail, cum trailing down her fat, juicy ass
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winning post: (Leave the way you came: with a horn up your ass.)
 
>You stand up and ejaculate yourself out the door
>It's a bright, sunny day
>Children are playing, libraries are burning, and grown men are standing out in the open with no pants and a unicorn hanging from their ass
>You feel the wind on your nuts
>Where to?
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winning post: (Remove twilight from ass, repants self, decide to turn this into a romantic cyoa.)
 
>You pull Twilight out of your ass with a loud pop, and let out a fart for good measure
>She's still talking
>You toss her in the burning library, find your pants and cover yourself
>Suddenly, you feel... romance
>It wells up within your heart and pours out of your pockets like the pasta your grandmother used to make
>You feel like donning a beret and growing a fancy mustache
>You are now on a quest for romance, and nothing will stop you!
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winning post: (You end your quest for romance, and have a heart attack.)
 
>You take a single step into the bright, new world
>And collapse
>You're having a heart attack
>Your quest for romance was cut short, and so was your life
>You die in the streets of Ponyville
>You hear you had a nice funeral; flowers, music, strippers
>Maybe not that last one, but you heard it was nice
>All in all, you lead a pretty good life
>...
>Your eyes dart open
>You're in heaven
>Celestia is looking at you strangely
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winning post: (Yamino and Purple Tinker repeatedly run Celestia over with a riding lawn mower until she's dead. They tell you to check your privilege.)
 
>Suddenly, a couple of confused, tranny manladies burst forth from a cloud and run Celestia over with a riding mower
>She's stuck under the wheel and ground into a pulp
>You take one of her eyeballs for good luck
>The dickgina duo tell you to check your privilege
>Apparently you're not authorized to be in heaven
>You faintly hear them mention something about bananas as you're ejected from a cannon to the world below
>You're hurtling towards the earth at supersonic speeds
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winning post: (Preform double rainboom as autisticly as possible, come back as an autistic neck bearded faggot.)
 
>You've heard about it
>You've heard legends about it
>The double rainboom
>You straighten yourself out as clouds zoom by
>You feel yourself picking up the pace
>A rainbow envelopes your form as you speed towards the earth below
>In the most embarrassing way possible, you shout "Double Rainboom!"
>You feel a beard start to form on your neck
>Your clothing turns into pony merch
>Spaghetti streams from your pockets
>Your autism meter is off the charts
>"Awww yeah, the rainboom has been doubled in ten seconds flat! I'm 20% cooler! Brohoof, world!"
>You reach breakneck speeds as you continue to spout off shitty, pony-related memes
>A thundering boom can be heard for miles around
>You tear through the fourth wall, and break every dream Lauren Faust has ever had
>You fly out the other side, crashing into the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner
>You stand triumphantly
>Having raped three little girls, you're not even trying to hide your power level
>The Cakes are looking at you in horror
>There's cheeto dust everywhere
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winning post: (Feel epic amounts of shame for referencing that awful fanimation)
 
>You hang your head in shame
>That whole fucking fan episode was bad and all those involved should feel bad
>And you fucking referenced it, you autistic neckbeard piece of shit
>For shame
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winning post: (go find Pinkie Pie and give her lots of Rare Candies)
 
>You quit your spaghetti-fest and dart out of the kitchen
>Now where is that pink party mare?
>"Here I am!"
>Nigger, get out of my head
>"Pinkie! I have candy for you!"
>She gasps and starts bouncing around you
>"Gimme! Gimme! Gim-"
>You cut her off as you start shoving rare candies into her mouth from your sauce-filled pockets
>What's this? It seems Pinkie Pie is evolving!
>Pinkie has evolved into Morgan Freeman!
>Pinkie learned narrate!
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winning post: (Pinkie uses her new powers to put you out of your autistic misery. You stop existing.)
 
>Morgan Freeman uses his powers of ultimate narration to remove you from existence
>You are floating in a void, your power level crippled
>You float by several robots ranting about extermination and deletion or something
>You see a blue police box off in the distance
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Story ended by winning post