http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/S10857249
 
>You are Anonymous
>You have been invited to Diamond Tiara's Cuteceañera, courtesy of her father, Filthy Rich
>You sit in the corner, drinking non-alcoholic punch while a group of fillies peer over at you, snickering
>Feels bad, man
>There's a dance floor filled with ponies
>The pink one is trying her damnedest to hang out with every little gathering she can squeeze into
>The door to freedom is across all this, mocking you
>You're getting bored fast of your current situation
-----------------------------------
winning post: (spike the punch)
 
>A grin spreads on your face as a devious idea crosses your mind
>You're going to spike the punch
>In a party full of children
>And no, you don't mean dunking a tiny, purple dragon-thing in it
>You reach into your pocket and withdraw a small flask you keep hidden away
>You tip-toe over to the punch bowl and empty the entire thing into it
>You sit back at the table and watch as more and more party-goers refill their cups
>The ponies are starting to sway and act silly
>Even the pink one is starting to feel the affects of the alcohol
>After all, she's had more punch than anyone here
>You could probably get away with anything right now
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Start an orgy.)
 
>Arise, boner
>You feel a tightening in your pants as you watch some of the fillies tumble into each other, exposing their young, supple vags
>The pink one stumbles into a room off to the side, probably to get her bearings
>One of the fillies touches herself, confused as to why she's feeling the way she does
>You decide it's time to get this party really started
>With no chaperones in sight, you make a beeline straight for the little prissy princess herself
>"A-Anon, wh-what's going on? What'rrrrre you doi-MMPH?!"
>You press your lips to hers in one, quick motion
>Your hand trails its way down to her nethers
>She squeaks in surprise, before moaning for you to continue
>The other children watch in awe, as they see this new party game unfolding in front of their eyes
>Pretty soon, they join in, awkwardly mimicking your ministrations on the birthday girl with each other
>It's an orgy in here, and none of the participants are of age
>You glorious sick fuck
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Convince Pinkie to suggest Spin the Bottle to the party.)
 
>You drop the task at hand and head over to the room Pinkie is currently in
>Your sudden dismissal causes Diamond Tiara to throw a fit
>You left her hanging, and now she's trying to get it on with that Silver Spoon filly
>You enter the room and see Pinkie lying on the ground, looking sick
"You okay there, Pinks?"
>"Mmm, anon. I feel all weird and tingly-wingly. I think it was the punch."
"Yeah, whatever. Hey, I thought you might want to arrange a spin-the-bottle game for the kids. They're getting pretty restless out there."
>She manages to prop herself up and follow you into the main room
>Her jaw drops when she sees what's going on
>"HEY! They've started without us!"
"What a bunch of scamps"
>She trots over to try and get things in order
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Strip naked, hoist Diamond Tiara over your head, and run out screaming "FOR THE CELESTIAL ASS!")
 
>Without warning, you begin to strip yourself of your clothes
>Off comes the shirt, the pants, the tie, the swank pair of boxer-briefs that kept your junk safe
>A shoe flies over and hits some spotted colt in the head
>You rush at Diamond Tiara, throwing her friend off in a fit of hysteria
"FOR THE CELESTIAL ASSSSSSSS!!"
>You shout like a mad man, holding the pink filly above your head and run out the door with no destination in mind
>Your jog finds yourself in town square, amongst the merchants and shopping ponies
>In this brief moment of clarity, you notice they're all staring at you
>Rather disgustedly, I might add
>You hold a panting Diamond Tiara above your head
>You're completely naked
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Drop the pone and jump through a window)
 
>Nervously you drop the filly
>You search around desperately for a nearby house
>There!
>You run across the packed square and fling yourself through the window of the house
>Usually you'd jump out a window from inside, but fuck that logic, you're Anonymous
>You look around at the pleasant home you've just defiled with your naked presence
>Pictures of some mint green unicorn fills the walls
>Across from you, a startled yellow mare with a pink and blue mane stares at you
>You stare back
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Run to her, suplex. The watch TV. Ultimate Spidercolt just aired.)
 
>She stares at you
>You stare back
>She stares at you
>You stare back
>She-
>Fuck repeating monologue, you charge at her with all the ferocity of a boar with a hard on
>Which you're currently sporting
>She shrieks in terror as you lift her above your head, turn, and smash her into a kitchen table
>You get up to see she's not moving
>You poke her with a stick for good measure
>No, not that one
>You plop yourself down on the sofa and turn on the television
>Ultimate Spidercolt is on, your favorite
>You hear a commotion coming from outside
>Shut up, the best part is coming
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Pretend you're a window salesman and how this is proof these are shitty windows. Assure her that with your windows there is no chance of a naked lunatic such as yourself would never be able to leap through again.)
 
>The episode ends
"Goddamn, I love you, Spidercolt"
>You wipe a tear from your eye as you get up from the sofa and make your way back to the kitchen
>You put on your best business voice, and address the still lifeless pony
"Listen, ma'am, this is proof that these windows are weak, and just about any naked lunatic sporting a boner could just waltz right up and jump right through them"
>She lies there, unmoving
"But I assure you, that with my windows, that shall never come to pass! Anonymous boner-proof glass is here to help! With our patented design, not even the hardest of erections could pierce our glass! Now all yours for three easy payments of $29.99!"
>She doesn't respond
>Giving up this game of talking to dead horses, you shrug to no one in particular and look around the house for something else to do
>You don't see much
>The ruckus outside is getting louder
>Jesus fuck, can't a crazy naked guy get a little peace and quiet around here?
>The noise is starting to draw on your patience
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Shit, it's the fuzz. Use the backdoor and go to Twilight's.)
 
>Fed up, you finally look out the window to see several golden-armored ponies trying to push back a crowd as they make their way up to the house
>How the fuck it took them an entire episode of Spidercolt to make it this far, you'll never know
>Fookin' pigs
>You jet out the backdoor, ninja your way through several alleys and up to Twilight's house
>The giant tree stands triumphantly, and your own wood salutes it
>You pound on the door hectically
>Twilight opens it and you go tumbling in
>"Anonymous! What are you doing here? And why are you naked?!"
>How do you explain this, or do you?
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Scream and start hip thrusting at her while making jazz hands.)
 
>"Well?"
>She's expecting an answer?
>Well shit, you're going to give her one
>You let out an ear-piercing shriek
>Her ears hug her head as she tries to deafen them further with her hooves
>You begin hip thrusting in her direction, slowly moving closer and your boner hits the air with a gusto
>Your hands begin to move all on their own, shaking to some rhythm only they can hear
>Her eyes get wide and she starts to scream, matching your own in a symphony of chaos
>You're getting closer
>You can almost feel the heat of her breath on your cock as she backs against the door in horror and starts to quake in fear
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Run inside and kidnap Spike)
 
>You stop everything you're doing
>Twilight looks on in confusion and fear as you run upstairs and find Spike sleeping in his little doggy bed
>On a whim you grab him and dart back down the stairs
"I'm kidnapping Spike" >you declare while your hips thrust in random directions
>"You're WHAT?"
>Now to plan a course of escape
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Take Spike to Rarity's and teach him your ways of seducing mares.)
 
>You get ready to action yourself out of the tree house
>Only to run out the door like a civilized human being
>Who just so happens to be naked and kidnapping baby dragons
>What the fuck, man?
>You make your way over to Rarity's boutique, crashing through the door at supersonic speeds
>Well, average speeds for a human who's been running about all day doing random crap for the sake of appeasing his boredom
>"Just a second~" Rarity calls from upstairs
>You place Spike down and slap him awake
>"H-Huh? Anon? What's going on? Why are you naked? Where am I?"
"No time to explain. I'm going to teach you in the ways of seducing mares."
>He fully wakes up when he figures out where he is
>"R-Really?!"
>The excitement is his tone and his innocence is enough to make your boner twitch
>Thankfully he doesn't notice it
>You hear rarity trotting down the stairs
>Where to start?
-----------------------------------
winning post: (1) Cut a hole in the box 2) Put your dick in the box 3) Have her open the box)
 
>You quickly explain your plans of total mare domination to him
>He nods his head vigorously, blushing as you go on
>"O-Okay anon, if you say so"
>The both of you quickly go to work finding a box and some scissors
>He's a little hesitant
"Don't worry, buddy. I'll be right there with you"
>You both sheath your rock hard cocks in lidded boxes
>Rarity finally makes her way to the main room
>"Oh, Anonymous, so glad to see- SWEET CELESTIA! What happened to your clothes? A-And why do you have a box covering your privates? Spikey-wikey, you too?"
>You and Spike look each other in the eyes
>"We got you some presents, Rarity!"
>"Really? That's, um... nice? Listen, I'm not sure what's going on, but-"
>The two of you lift the lids off the boxes and present your presents to her
>She gasps, lifts a hoof to her forehead, and faints in the middle of the shop
"Told you. The ladies just die for this kind of thing."
>"Wow, I never knew! What now, Anonymous?"
>There are now two fully erect bros standing in the middle of a boutique with an unconscious mare in front of them
>This can only go so many places
-----------------------------------
winning post: (leave and go get a slurpie)
 
>One of those places is to the local Mare-Mart
"See you around dude, I'll let you take it from here. I've got some mad thirst after running around all day"
>"B-But Anon, what do I do?"
"Just use your imagination, dude. I'm sure you've learned something from all those books Twilight has lining the walls of the library"
>You make your way out of the boutique and down the street
>The store bell rings as you enter, walk up to the dispenser, and grab yourself a nice, cold slurpie
>At this point, none of the ponies are really commenting on your nudity
>You make your way up to the cash register
>"That'll be 2 bits, please" the cashier says in monotone
>You seem to have misplaced your wallet
>And your pants
>You suck gingerly on the straw as she looks up at you with a half-bored, half-irritated expression
>Wat do?
-----------------------------------
winning post: (punch the bitch and run out)
 
>You stare at her
>She stares at you
>You stare at her
>She-
>This shit again?
>You bring your fist back and ram it into the face of the mare behind the counter
>Her teeth go flying as she falls into a pile of magazines behind her
>You get the fuck out of the store, slurpie in hand
>The customers just look on in awe as you book it down the street
>Where to?
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Go check of rarity)
 
>You stop halfway to wherever the hell you were going
>You suppose it wouldn't hurt to check up on Spike and see how he's handling the Rarity situation
>You hoof it back to the boutique and peek through the door to see what shenanigans are taking place inside
>You see Rarity with bows in her mane and lipstick smeared on her face
>You also see Spike forcing his dick in her mouth
>Looks like it took a couple of tries, but he finally managed to get it
>Way to go, dude
>You slurp in silence
>Should you interrupt (possibly to join in), or leave to do something else?
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Join. Join. Yes. But first finish the slurpie.)
 
>You decide to join in
>Sluuuuuurrrp
>You decide it would be better to finish off your slurpie, first
>Gotta get hydrated
>You step through the door and announce your presence
"Heya Spike. Looks like you managed to figure out what I was getting at"
>He turns to look at you with a smug grin on his face
>"Yeah dude, it's totally awesome"
"Mind if I join?"
>He puts his finger to his lip in thought
>"Alright, just so long as you remember I got first dibs"
>Sweet
>You walk up and place yourself behind the white mare
>Which hole? Hole at all? Oh, the options
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Run to your Ford RS200 and rush to Celestia's castle like a madman, stopping for nothing along the way. Burst through the front doors, straight into the throne room.)
 
>For the second time today, you deprive yourself of sweet horse pussy
>You run out the front door, as if in a trance, and hop in your Ford RS200
>How the fuck you got a car to Equestria, you'll never-
>Fuck your shit, nigger
>You speed off to Canterlot Castle, running over a few ponies on the way
>You pull up to the castle, performing a badass spin park next to the stairs
>You hop out and rush past the guards, bursting through the doors with reckless abandon
>You make a beeline straight for the throne room
>Boy, you have no fucking clue what you're going to do once there, but you're going to fucking do it whether she, or anybody, likes it or not
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Make a quick stop by Luna's room and give her a kiss with your slurpee breath)
 
>You make a quick detour to a hallway leading to Luna's room
>You kick open the door and stride up to her bed
>She blearily removes her night(day?) mask and looks up at you
>"A-Anonymous? What art thou doing in our royal bedchambers at this hour? And with no clothes, for sister's sake"
>You throw caution to the wind, grab her by the jaw, and plant a kiss upon her beautiful lips
>It lasts for a second, but seems like an eternity
>"Tastes... like cherries..." she gasps through reddening cheeks
>You stay for a second longer, staring into her round, shining eyes
>Before turning around and exiting the way you came, back to the throne room
>You still have no idea what you're going to do once you get there
>It can't be good
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Hips thrust your way to Celestia while shouting loudly "Fuck Everything!")
 
>Your hips start to thrust in a familiar motion as you make your way to the throne room
>In your head you hear a symphony that causes you to thrust and dance in tune
>Shake, shake, shake, senora, shake your body line
>Shake, shake, shake, senora, shake it all the time
>You begin to loudly declare your frustrations to the castle
"Fuck everything! FUCK EVERYTHING!"
>You continue to yell out the same phrase several times, louder and louder until you get to the gilded double doors
>You thrust them open with your pelvis and slide your way up to the throne
"FUCK EVERYTHING!" >you shout one, final time before finding yourself in front of her majesty, the qu- princess
>"Anonymous! Just what is the meaning of this?"
>Well shit, you hadn't prepared a statement to make once you got here
>You're now standing buck-naked in front of the princess and her personal guards
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Ignore her. Sit on the throne)
 
>You ignore her perfectly reasonable question as you shove her aside and sit on the throne in all your naked glory
>It's good to be the king
>She just stares at you, unamused
>Her guards turn and eye you warily
>What is your first commandment, oh king?
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Tell the guards to arrest the sisters)
 
>You clear your throat
>All present stand at attention to hear what you have to say
"Guards, arrest the princesses"
>They stare at you, unmoving
"I am the new king now!"
>Celestia just raises her eyebrow at you
>The guards turn to look at one another, before setting their eyes back on you
>No one makes a move
>Well shit, this wasn't going as planned
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Run back to Luna's room. Ask her to marry you.)
 
>Fuck it
>Being king is so uncool
>You jump up and run out of the room, confused eyes following you out the door
>You turn and run down the hallway to Luna's room
>You burst through the doors again, fully erect
>Boner at full mast
>Sporting the hardest wood ever
>Did I mention you're still naked after all this time?
>Luna rises from her slumber for the second time today
>"What is it now? We demand to know why thou keepst interrupting our beauty sleep!"
>You get down on one knee next to her bed
>Her eyes widen when she sees the serious expression on your face
>"Anon, what-"
>You stop her with a finger to her lips
"Luna, will you marry me?"
>The look her face changes several times, from emotionless, to dumbstruck, to shocked
>"Anon, I..."
>You stare pleadingly into her eyes, so full of passion
>"I... yes!" she blushes "Yes I will marry you!"
>She throws her hooves around your neck in a makeshift hug from where she lies
>Nigger, you just became the happiest man in the world™
>Now, how do you fuck this up?
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Have Anthro children)
 
>You can't resist the temptation
>You jump in her bed, positioning yourself on top of her
>She looks up at you with bedroom eyes
>She should, you're in her fucking bedroom, after all
>You tear aside the covers and roughly insert your astronaut in her moon crater
>You can't even begin to describe where the hell you came up with that analogy
>You thrust your five hour erection into her for all it's worth
>You should have contacted a doctor
>Nine months later a beautiful ugly little anthro thing is born
>Half way between what anyone considers sexy
>Fuck your life, Anon
>You fathered the cancer
 
End
-----------------------------------
 
Winning posts to continue and change protagonist from Anonymous to Macho Man Randy Savage
 
Extra scene: (do the dinosaur)
 
>You hold your precious newborn child in your hands
>This calls for a celebration
>You drop it on the floor, walk out the door
>You and the nurses all do the dinosaur
 
-----------------------------------
>You are Macho Man Randy Savage
>You're sitting at a little table outside of a coffee shop in Canterlot
>Rarity goes on and on about some new line of dresses she's making
>Your muscles want to crush something
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Ask her how she got her cutie mark)
 
>You speak in a rough tone
"Rarity. How'd you get your cutie mark?"
>She blinks, cut off from her train of thought
>She goes on to explain the story of how she got three little diamonds on her flank
>You half-heartedly listen as you crush a few cubes of sugar between your biceps and sprinkle it in your coffee
>Decaf, absolutely disgusting
>This mare is a talking machine
>You see some snobby unicorns trot by with their heads held up to the sky like chickens
>It's making you hungry
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Defeat luna and win the the Equestrian Wrestling Federation (EWF) belt)
 
>You stand up from the table, shaking it with the motion
>"Darling, going somewhere?"
"I've got some business to take care of"
>You leave the coffee shop and the dressmaker behind, headed for the castle
>You burst in through the front doors and head to the throne room
>Surprisingly, Luna is awake at this time of day, having tea with her sister
>"Oh, Randy! What brings you here?"
"I've come to challenge Luna to a smackdown"
>You roll your shoulders and sniff
>"Ch-Challenge us?" she looks at you confused, before a confident grin appears on her face
>"We accept. Be warned, fair Savage, we are not going to go easy"
>A month goes by
>Light shines down from the stadium ceiling
>You're facing Luna from across the ring
>You're pumped
>You're going to win this
>But how?
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Odin grants you godlike powers. You have this now.)
 
>You flex your muscles in antici-
>Suddenly you feel your body tingle
>A power like no other fills your body from head to toe
>Odin has granted you power
>And you're going to use it
>The crowd goes wild as the ref gets the fuck out of the way
>You and Luna stride up to the center of the ring, and slowly start to circle it
>You clash
>Sweat drips from both your brows in an epic lock
>But you have the advantage
"OH YEAH!"
>You shout and throw her against the ropes, taking her out with an arm bar with your first blow
>She hops back up and starts bouncing on her hooves
>How long will you let this continue? How are you going to finish it?
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Public anal devestation.)
 
>The match continues with you trading blow for blow
>Except there's no trading going on
>It's all you
>Pretty soon the crowd goes silent as you continue to wail on Luna with all your god given strength
>Not that you needed it
>This has become less of a match and more of a training session, courtesy of you and a punching bag
>Luna can barely stand as blood drips from her nose
>Her eyes are looking in two different directions now
>You decide to put her out of her misery with one, final move
>You get up on the corner pillar, jump and slam into her like a savage
>You stand and place one foot on her bosom as you flex your muscles
>The ref goes in for the count, taking way too long to count to three before he relents
>You are Macho Man Randy Savage
>And you are the champion of the Equestria World Cup
"OH, YEEEEEAAAAAHHH!"
>And how shall you celebrate this victory?
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Skin Luna, wear her hide as a pelt, and storm the castle to overthrow Celestia.)
 
>You bask in the glory
>But is it glorious enough? Not nearly!
>You take a hunting knife from the back of your tights and begin to skin Luna of her hide
>The crowd gasps in shock as you sling the bloodied coat over your shoulders
>You march out of the stadium, Lunacape trailing listlessly in the wind
>You break down the doors to the castle
>Fuck, those doors go through a lot of abuse with you around, don't they?
>You march right on up to the throne room
"Celestia. I have beaten your sister in mortal combat. AND NOW I'M COMING FOR YOU, NIGGER!"
>Celestia drops her tea cup she had been sipping on for the past month in horror as she sees her sister draped around your shoulders
>"Oh, Luna..." she looks up at you with pure malice
>It's time for the match of the century
>You get ready for the attack
>There may not be any fans in here, but you can hear their cries of encouragement all the same
>You're going to kick some flank
-----------------------------------
winning post: (Get sicked punked by Celestia. The end.)
 
>You get sicked punked by Celestia
>Whatever the hell that means
>Sick punk'd? Sick punch?
>You're pretty sure it has something to do with your nuts
>And OP just forgot his mixer
>le kak
>You go down, power fading from your body as you implode from the stinging of your genitals
>Guess not even the Savage can fly too close to the sun
 
End 2