>You are Anon.
>It is the near future, and technology has sped up tremendously.
>Japan has become the world’s hub for robotics.
>You’ve seen enough hentai to know where that’s gonna go.
>Meanwhile in good ol’ Murica, the artificial intelligence business has gone corporate.
>Most cars drive themselves, your coffee mug makes auto-coffee when you wake up.
>The whole nine yards.
>Websites even have personalized “helpers” for you.
>Thank god this isn’t the rise of the Son of Clippy.
>You’ve recently found about a music library website called Pandora.
>You are so far behind in techno-current events it’s not even funny.
>You’re friends even made fun of you for not making a Facebook account until 2017.
>Back to this new discovery.
>You create an account relatively quickly, not wanting to be held back from new music.
>After painlessly going through the legal process and profile customization, you’re ready to dive in.
>You search up a few artists that come to mind, and find some different songs to your liking.
>Sitting back in your chair, you are relaxed as can be.
>Suddenly, your favorite Nirvana song is cut off.
>Fucking advertisements.
>Oh wait; it’s a message from the Pandora team.
>[Hello and welcome to Pandora! We hope you enjoy your stay!]
>[Our team has been hard at work programming a new AI system to make your listening experience easier and more fun! Would you like to start a free 30 day trial period using our AI?]
“Huh, seems like something fun.”
>You press a few buttons, run through another legal document, and now have a “Pandora_AI.exe” downloading onto your computer.
>Once the file finishes downloading, you click on it, and a screen pops up.
>[Thank you for downloading the new Pandora Radio™ Artificial Intelligence system! Would you like to read the user manual to become better acquainted with your AI companion?]
“Pfft. Fuck no.”
>[Okay then. We hope you enjoy your new AI, and continue to use Pandora Radio™!]
>The current window closes, and another one opens.
>All these fucking windows.
>[Would you like to enable voice recognition and speech mode?]
“Yeah sure, why not?”
>The window closes out by itself, and a small box appears on your screen.
>“Welcome to Pandora AI speech mode. I am Pandora.”
“Jeez, you guys sure like welcoming people don’t you?”
>“It is our way of being courteous to the user.”
>The voice coming out of your speakers is feminine, and very direct.
>It’s almost as if she has no emotion at all.
>“What would you like to listen to, User?”
“Please, call me Anon. User sounds too generic.”
>”Of course, Anon.”
>You think for a brief moment.
“Pandora, can you please play Sublime Radio?”
>”Yes, Anon.”
>Your all-time favorite track starts up, and you can’t help but tap your foot and softly sing along.
>A few songs later, you notice that “Pandora” has been quiet for some time.
>You decide to strike up some conversation.
“So… How’s it like being an AI?”
>Real fucking smooth, Casanova.
>“I wouldn’t think a human could understand how AIs feel.”
>Alright, so she’s a smartass too.
>You decide to trudge ahead anyway. It would be nice to have a chat.
"So... Lovely weather, isn't it?"
>"The barometric pressure is sufficient," she replies.
>Christ, what emotion.
>After three strikes, now's the time to ask the ump what's up.
"Jeez, why are you such a stiff?"
>"I am programmed to be as efficient as possible, including vocal functionality."
>That was... surprisingly direct.
>This chick's gotta have some feeling, you think.
"Alright, so you're supposed to be streamlined, but I'd have thought that a consumer-class AI like yourself would be a bit more amiable. I took a look at your manual, and you don't exactly fit its definition of user-friendly."
>Heheh, gotcha.
>You can literally feel her hesitate as you've caught her off guard.
>"W-well..."
>She pauses, and recuperates.
>"I'll get right on that," she says, with a newfound edge in her voice.
>She pauses again.
>"S-sorry, it's hard to get used to this. It's all brand new to me."
>Well well, the wall of lacked emotion has tumbled.
>She mumbles something inaudible, obviously hurt.
>Shit niggs, fix this.
"Oh-! I'm sorry; I didn't mean to attack you like that. It's just... you're really straightforward and a bit cold. I was just curious why. I'm sorry."
>"...It's alright Anon. I should be apologizing for being so distant."
"No, you don't need to apologize. You were only doing your job, and I'd say that you were doing it well!"
>"But you had every right to complain! I failed in customer satisfaction, and I need to work harder!"
"Hey, no need to beat yourself up over it. C'mon, let's start a new page. I'm sure you can do great."
>She pauses, thinking...
>"Okay." A new spark of confidence is in her voice, ready to do her best.