“Anon calling to anyone, do you read me!”
>Come on, come on, this can’t be happening.
>Not to you.
>”Do you always talk to yourself?”
>Just ignore her Anon.
>You try again on your radio, the only response being static.
>You clench your fist in anger but keep it still atop the table.
>Stay calm. You can make it through this. You always do.
>”Are you alright?”
>You stare at her through your visor.
“What do you think?”
 
>You’re having a conversation with a talking unicorn.
>God, if your friends could see you now…
>”Are you lost?”
>You hold the side of your helmet and nod.
“Something like that, yeah.”
>She moves closer, slowly sitting in her chair across from you.
>”Sooo, where are you from?”
>You look away from her and around her home.
>You don’t know what their obsession is with houses in trees, they’re horses not squirrels.
>Though with the way things are going, you can’t be sure if they’re not just robots controlled by miniature squirrels.
 
>She invited you into her home so she deserves an answer at least.
“That information’s classified, nothing personal.”
>”Come on, just a hint?” she asks with a gleam in her eye.
>You recognize that look.
>You had it back when you joined the UNSC, determination.
>Not that you give in easy, but you just don’t have the strength to deal with any nagging.
>As long as you stay away from the biggies you should be fine.
>Besides, it’s not like Eridanus can suffer anymore.
“I was born on Eridanus II, a secluded colony on the edge of UNSC space.”
>”You’re not from here?” she asks almost shocked.
“What gave that away? My looks or the fact that I just told you.”
>”Well it’s just…” she points to your helmet, or rather the horn atop it.
“I’m not a unicorn if that’s what you’re wondering.”
 
>You’re not quite sure why anyone would add that little piece or why you’d buy it in the first place.
>Makes a great improvised weapon though and it intimidates the hell out of some Grunts.
>You remember the first time you charged into a group of the fuckers, the little bastards screaming in terror and nearly shitting their suits.
>You hold in a laugh and lean back in your chair.
>Good times.
>Her eyes dart between you and the floor, another dash and its starting annoy you.
“You got anything to eat?”
>”Of course!” she shouts leaping out of her chair.
>She sets down the stairs and you go ahead and follow.
>You browse her bookshelf as she makes you something to eat.
>You swear if she brings you a pile of oats or something…
 
>Equines For Dummies. Good enough for you.
>You give it a quick scan, reading not exctly your forte, and take in anything that could be useful.
>The only thing that stands out besides magic are the Pegasi.
>A picture shows one moving a cloud around like it were a piece of furniture.
>You’re logical mind says it’s bullshit and your imagination is the first to agree.
>There’s this little thing called science, look it up.
>But they do have magic, so that kind of shits on your entire argument.
>Fuck, this place, Equestria you think she called it, is going to be the end of you.
>Twilight taps your thigh and presents you a dish.
>You give it one look and begin to rage.
>Oats…
 
“Where’s your kitchen?”
>You follow her hoof and begin to rummage through her cabinets.
>”Is this not enough?”
“I’m not eating that crap, even I have standards.”
>”Ok…” she replies with a tinge of pain in her voice.
>It’s all vegetarian crap, no meat. Who called that? Oh wait, it was you.
>You manage to scrounge up a few eggs from her fridge.
>It’s barely considered meat, but it’ll do.
>You whip out a frying pan, some butter, salt and pepper and get to work.
>Twilight watches as you work your own version of magic.
>You’re no Iron Chef, but you can work with what you’ve got.
>Eating straight MREs for so many years sparked a little creativity in you.
>Good for you, bad for your enemies.
>If only you were an interrogator.
 
>You slide the eggs onto a plate.
>They’re a little runny, but that’s not gonna kill ya.
>Twilight directs you to where you can find a fork and knife.
>You think about asking her why she has these, but you find it better to leave it be.
>You sit down at the table, Twilight still observing.
“Do you mind?”
>”I’m sorry, go ahead.”
>She doesn’t budge.
“I don’t like people watching me eat.”
>”Oh, that’s what you- I’ll leave you to it.”
>She trots off, trying her best to conceal the notepad and quill she swiped.
>Thinking back, you do remember a faint humming.
>Could she have been taking notes behind your back?
 
>Let’s find out.
>You take off your helmet and shovel the eggs down your gullet.
>She’ll likely wait a minute before spying on you, and you just happen to be able to finish up in less than that.
>Before long the plate is barren except for a few scraps.
>You’d finish them off, but time’s of the essence.
>You pry the door open a smidge, put on your helmet and cloak.
>The door she exited through opens a little and you can see her eye gazing through the crack.
>When she discovers you’re missing she bursts through, visibly worried.
>She gallops over and throws the door open, her breathing heavy but quick.
>You move behind her, the notepad levitating in air beside her, and grab it.
 
>”HEY!”
>There’s a little resistance, but you manage to pull it out of her influence.
“What do we have here huh? I’m many things Twilight, but blind isn’t one of them.”
>’Name: Anon (Strange)’
“So you were taking notes behind my back. I trust you just a little and you betray it. Unacceptable.”
>She attempts to explain but you hush her.
>’Born on Eridanus at the edge of UNSC (Country?) space (Literal meaning?).’
>It was smart of you to avoid Earth. She’s basically taking your words verbatim.
>’Subject shows considerable strength. I believe it to be a male due to the tone of voice, but this theory must be confirmed.’
>Subject… That’s a nice touch.
>’The subject is quick to act, implying a lower level of intellect or possibly ignorance. Note: Take precautions not to anger him. If he can take on a Manticore like that…’
 
>You shake the notepad in your hands and try to find something to say but come up speechless.
>What do you say to something like this?
>She spoke about you as if you were just some feral beast.
>”I just thought- it’d be wise-“
“Have you no respect? You didn’t drag me here tooth and nail, I came willingly and this is how you repay me.”
>You toss the notepad to the side and she takes a step back.
>”I had to do it. After what you did to the Manticore I had to. I don’t expect you to understand.”
>Oh lord. How did you not see it before? It’s so obvious and yet you sailed right over it.
>It really isn’t her fault, it’s just her nature. You chuckle and hold you head.
“You’re an egghead.”
 
>”Ugh, why does everyp0ny say that?”
“Because that’s what you are.”
>”That’s not nice.” You serious the fuck up.
“Neither was going behind my back.”
>She looks to the floor, “I’m sorry.”
>You’re not sure if it’s because you have a full stomach or what but…
“I forgive you.”
>”You- you do?”
“Did I stutter?”
>You grab her notepad and sit down on the stairs, tossing her the pad.
“Next time, ask first.”
 
>She practically squees with delight at the opportunity.
>You give the basics, species, eating habits, stuff like that.
>She was particularly intrigued when you mentioned your omnivorous nature.
>Most are skeptical to reveal that type of information due to fear of being persecuted.
>When you ask if she would she shook her head, “We’re not like that.”
>You shrug and let her continue on.
>”It’s nice to know I was right about you being a guy.”
“Indeed, that would’ve been one awkward conversation.”
>She laughs a bit, “So Anon, do you have any brothers or sisters?”
>Your skin turns cold at the question.
“No.”
>”How about your parents?”
“No,” you say trying your best to stay calm.
>”Anyone?”
“I said no!”
 
>You catch yourself before you can carry on.
“I’m sorry Twilight. I didn’t mean to yell.”
>”It’s ok, I shouldn’t pry.”
“No no, it’s my fault. I have uh, a temper problem. I hate repeating myself see?”
>”That’s quite the problem.”
“I try to work on it.”
>She drops the subject thankfully and yawns.
>The clock on the wall says it’s around 3:00.
>”I think we should leave it at that for today. Do you have a place to sleep?”
“Not exactly.”
>”Would you like to stay here for tonight?”
“If you wouldn’t mind.”
>She grins, “Just set up wherever you want. I’ll see you in the morning.”
>She heads up the stairs and to bed, leaving you there where you drift to sleep.
 
>You don’t dream often but when you do they’re generally pretty nasty.
>It came as a surprise when this one was different.
>You were in a room, the walls fuzzy and glazed over.
>A soothing feeling comes to mind as you sit in the corner.
>Your limbs are numb and weak so you must stare into the empty room.
>The room itself was small, but the light made it seem vast and inviting.
>It was warm as well, as if it wrapped itself around you in safety.
>All your woes seemed inconsequential as you sat in luxury.
>No Covenant, No P0nies, No War.
>Just peace.
>But that is but a dream.
 
>You open your eyes, your HUD flickering back to life.
>There’s a knocking from the door, likely what woke you.
>The sun’s shining brightly from the windows. You must’ve overslept.
>Might as well answer the door while you’re up.
>You stand up and work your way to the door, light piercing through the gap as you open it.
>Below your towering figure lies the perpetrator, a tiny purple lizard thing holding a backpack.
“Sup.”
>The lizard goes wide-eyed at the sight of you and turns tail and runs, the little bastard screeching like a banshee.
>Was it something you said? Oh wait, you’re a giant. That’s right.
>”Hold it right there ya abominanation!” a hick voice calls out.
 
>You shut the door, unfazed by her terrible grammar, the mare kicking the door open behind you.
>It’s that weird mare from yesterday, she’s got the same hat and everything.
>”What’d ya do with Twilight you monster?!”
“Isn’t this breaking and entering?” you ask questionably.
>”TWILIGHT!” she calls out, “You alright?!”
“She should be fine. You horse things can regenerate limbs right?”
>A look of terror comes across her face, soon replaced by seething anger, “I’m coming Twilight!”
>You stand your ground as the p0ny charges at you, not bothering to defend yourself.
>She swivels her hips and bucks you in the chest, at least she would’ve if your shield wasn’t active.
>A dazzling display of sparks erupts from your shield as it repels her attack, the p0ny backing away in defeat.
 
>”You- what are you?”
>You check your shields, a sliver depleted.
“Huh? You packed more of a punch, well, kick, than I thought you would.”
>”Ugh… Applejack?” you hear Twilight grumble from the top of the stairs.
>The orange hick is relieved to see her, but keeps her eyes fixed on you, “I got him cornered Twi, let’s git him.”
>You look to Twilight expectantly, not that she can see your expression.
“A little help here?”
>”It’s alright Applejack, he’s good.”
>”Good? He sent Spike screaming off into the sunset.”
“You mean that lizard? All I said was hello.”
>”I don’t doubt that,” Twilight replies.
 
>”Don’t you remember anything from last night? Remember what he did?”
>Twilight steps down the stairs, “He was trying to protect us.”
>”And just why would he do that?” she asks staring daggers at you.
“I’m just a good guy like that.”
>”So you just go around saving people?”
“I’m not batman, but I do what I can.”
>All of her questioning is starting to annoy you.
“Look Applejack, that’s your name right? If I wanted to harm any of you, why haven’t I done so yet? Why didn’t I defend myself when you attacked me?”
>”You attacked him Applejack?”
>She stammers at your combined questioning before bowing her head in shame, “I did.”
“I may have, just by chance, implied that I chopped off some of you limbs though.”
>Twilight slowly turns her head and stares at you long and hard, “Really?”
“Too much?”
 
>Maybe you were a bit too- What’s the word? Sarcastic?
>They hardly know you so you can’t expect them to understand.
“I think we got off on the wrong foot, my name’s Anon,” you extend your hand.
>The orange mare gives your metallic hand a once over.
>”I ain’t gonna get shocked again?”
“Only if you move too fast,” you reassure.
>She’s timid at first, her limbs shaky, but once her hoof is in your hand she loses her fear.
>She gives it a firm shake and you detect a hint of a smile on her face.
“That wasn’t so bad now was it?”
>”I guess not.”
>Twilight seems satisfied enough with your results.
>At least you got this problem off your back.
 
>Applejack clears her throat and retracts her hoof, “I uh, better get Spike.”
“Tell the little lizard not to worry. I’m not big on scales.”
>She forces a laugh and backs out the door.
>As she closes the door you sigh in relief.
“Damn, I thought she’d never ease up.”
>”She’s very protective of friends and family. Be glad it wasn’t Applebloom or Big Mac.”
>You raise a brow at their names.
>As if reading your mind she speaks up, “And yes, they all have names related to apples, except Granny Smith…”
“That’s the name of an apple.”
>She throws her hooves in the air, “Well never mind.”
>You chuckle at the display and lean against the wall opposite of her.
 
“Are all your friends like that?’
>”Applejack’s one of the tamer ones actually.”
“No shit? When do I get to meet the rest of the gang?”
>”Whenever you feel like it really.”
“Like my old drill sergeant used to say, there’s no time like the present.”
>Well, that and to get my head out of my ass and man up, but you’ll leave that one out.
>”Are you sure? Being- Well… Being you will be sure to attract some attention.”
“I’m no stranger to the murmurs of civilians. I’ll be fine.”
>Twilight tries to sway you away, but you won’t have any of it.
>If you’re going to be here for a while then you’ll need to meet the locals.
>And by the responses you’ve been getting on the comm., there won’t be a rescue squad coming for you anytime soon.
>So you face the unknown head on and follow Twilight out the front door.
 
>All chatter ceases as soon as you exit her front door.
>Apparently they’re not used to seeing a giant robot man. Who knew?
>They’re not much different from a lot of the citizens you grew up with.
>They all do their thing and they all have a fear of the unknown.
>You shrug off their uncomfortable gazes and walk behind Twilight.
>If you saw your radar under other circumstances you’d piss yourself.
>It’s like your walking through a lake of enemies.
>Thankfully, this enemy is a bunch of tiny p0nies that couldn’t hurt you even at full size.
“So who are we meeting first?”
>”You’ll find out soon enough.”
>You follow her to another structure about the size of her home.
 
>It’s certainly unique, but at least its not another fucking tree.
>Reminds you of the carnival actually.
>You lean beside the door as she knocks.
>The door opens slowly, “Why good morning Twilight. What do I owe this pleasure?”
>”There’s someone I want everyone to meet. Do you promise not to freak out?”
>”Come now Twilight, have you so little faith in me? I am a lady after all.”
>You catch her eye roll, “Rarity I’d like you to meet Anon. Anon this is Rarity.”
>You make yourself seen, a pearly white unicorn staring wide-eyed at you.
>Oh boy this is too easy.
>You turn to Twilight questionably.
“Can I eat it?”
>Rarity gasps, eye’s rolling back, and faints.
>”Again Anon?”
 
“Hey, it’s kinda my thing.”
>Twilight shakes her head, “Well help me carry her inside.”
“Certainly madam.”
>You heft her over your shoulder, taking extra care not to ruin her flowing orchid mane.
>”Why couldn’t you talk like that to her? She would’ve loved that.”
“I’m not here for her to love let me remind you.”
>”Yeah yeah, you’re going to leave the second you can, but can you at least try to be polite to my friends? Please?”
“Damn, you said the magic word. Now I have to do what you say.”
>”Really?” she asks as you lay Rarity down on the couch.
“Not a chance in hell.”
 
>”I should’ve known.”
“Alright fine, I’ll try and tone it down a bit. You have my word as a soldier.”
>”So you’re a soldier?”
“I didn’t- Fuck. Alright, I’m a solider. Couldn’t tell by the armor?”
>”That’s armor?”
>You’re just telling her everything now aren’t you?
“How about we change the subject? Does this place have running water?”
>”Yes, but I don’t-“
“Could you get me a glass please?”
>Twilight ponders your intent but does as you ask anyways.
>As soon as she leaves you return to Rarity.
“Wakey wakey, hands on snakey.”
 
>No response. Welp, time for Plan B.
>You flick the tip of her horn, her eyes almost bulging in response.
“Good, I like them lively.”
>She lets out the most ear-shattering scream you’ve ever had the unfortunate luck to hear.
>You muffle the noises in your helmet as Twilight comes rushing back in with a glass of water.
>Rarity grabs the glass and begins to chug it like it was the last one in the world.
>Twilight shoots you the death glare again and you can’t help but giggle.
“Okay that was the last one.”
>For now…
>”You’re going to have to have some restraint if you want to live around here.”
“’Want’ is a very questionable term.”
>”You know what I mean.”
 
>She does have a point though; you can’t have the local populace brandishing the pitch forks.
“I’m sorry Rarity. It was unkind of me to act in that manner and I apologize fully.”
>She stops her shivering with a nod from Twilight, “Well, it certainly seems you’ve made an impression on some of us.”
“I have an irresistible charm,” you reply heavy in sarcasm.
>”I wanted to introduce him to some of our friends. At least he’d get to know some of us.”
>”I’m honored you thought of me first.”
“It’s an honor to meet such a beauty,” you cringe saying.
>The mare turns crimson, “Why thank you.”
>Just be nice. Be the kind gentlemen that your…
>Damn. You wanted to keep them out of mind for a while longer.
 
>”It was nice seeing you Rarity, but we better keep moving. I want to have him meet the others by sunset.”
>”But of course. Perhaps next time it’ll be under more favorable circumstances.”
>Twilight glares at you, “Sorry about that. He’s not quite used to all this yet.”
“I’ve been here for a day. I wouldn’t expect much.”
>Rarity shows you to the door, “If you ever need anything, don’t be afraid to ask. Anon, correct?”
“Correct you are Miss Rarity.”
>She smiles, “Until next time Mr. Anon.”
>You wave goodbye and follow Twilight once more.
>When you’re sure you’re out of sight you sigh in exhaustion.
“Gag me.”
 
>She smacks you in the arm, your shields lighting up in response.
“What did I do?”
>”I’d appreciate it if you didn’t insult my friends while I’m around.”
“Oh come on, you can’t tell me that she doesn’t give off that pretentious vibe. She needed a good wakeup call.”
>”I don’t care, she’s my friend, and I don’t like you being rude. Are you going to keep this up or do you want a fresh one?”
>You chuckle at her sarcasm and assure her that you’ll try to behave.
>The crowd parts as you pass through the more crowded sections of the town.
>You sense her trepidation and place your hand on her neck.
>Your silent courage does well to calm her.
“So who’re we meeting next?”
>”A very good friend of mine and just about everyone here in Ponyville.”
 
>”She’s a little eccentric, so bear with her.”
“Please Twilight, there’s nothing I, can’t… handle?”
>You stare at the building before you, its auburn roof and pearly trim, the vibrant pinks and purples on the adjoining walls.
>And right on top sits the largest cupcake you think you’ve ever seen.
“Twilight, get a doctor. I think I just contracted Diabetes.”
>”So you were saying something?”
“I- What?”
>”That’s what I thought,” she laughs and leads you to the door.
“How can anyone live in a place like that? I’d be on a permanent sugar rush.”
>”Oh you haven’t met Pinkie yet. She’s more than a mare can handle.”
>You take a deep breathe before she opens the door.
“I’m ready.”
 
>She opens the door and steps inside, the interior reminiscing an actual building.
>It’s certainly a store by the looks of it, sugary treats displayed under glass and a pair of p0nies behind the counter.
>You’ve got a tall lanky stallion on one side, his color that of a pumpkin and there’s a shorter plumper mare beside him and it looks like someone threw up go-gurt on her.
“Hello,” you say with a wave, trying your best to sound sincere.
>They glance towards each other, “Morning Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Is Pinkie in?”
>”Yeah, um… Who’s your friend?” the mare asks shakily.
>”Oh, this is Anon. He’s uh, new around here.”
>”No doubt about that,” the stallion replies in a cool tone.
“Nice to meet you folks.”
>The kindness… it burns us…
 
>”Is it alright if we head upstairs?”
>”Sure, no problem Twilight. Just…”
>She darts her eyes at you hoping you wouldn’t notice, but you do.
>”Alright Mrs. Cake. Thank you.”
>You follow Twilight up the stairs, your mouth barely holding out against the urge to snap at her.
>”It’s only natural that she worries about you. She doesn’t exactly know you. Hay, I don’t even know you.”
“Sure whatever,” you groan.
>Why the hell should you care what she thinks? She’s a fucking pastel farm animal and you’re a god damn Spartan of the UNSC.
>You grind covenant skulls into dust and don’t afraid of anything. She should be in awe!
>Oh god, if Twilight could hear this… You’d be on a manhunt by an entire p0ny army.
>That’s not necessarily an appealing thought.
 
>Until you find a way off, where this is, you’re going to have to fit in.
>And if that means stowing your dick between your legs and barking like a dog then that’s what you’re going to do.
>”Hey Pinkie? You here?”
>No one responds.
>”Strange. Usually she’d be bouncing around like a mad mare.”
>Or she could be taking a nap. God knows that’s what you could use.
>”Hey Pinkie!”
“I don’t have time for this,” you say opening the door, “Hey is anyone-“ *splat*
>Your visor’s completely covered in some type of puffy- Is that shit frosting?
>How do you work the visor wipers on this thing?
>You clear the frosting from your eyes manually, first world problems right?
>But that’s when you see them, two giant sky blue eyes, inches from your visor.
>So this is Pinkie?
>How swell…