>Day toots in Equestria
>You wake up and run to the bathroom
Fuck I should not have had all that milk...
>You are Anon
>And you are mildly lactose intolerant
>Consuming dairy blocks you up
>The only thing that is allowed to leave is gas...
>From your ass
>You rip a huge fart on the toilet and then sigh in relief
Fuck this smells awful...
>You stand up and take a shower
>Midway through the shower you fart
>It smells so bad
I guess that was...a wet fart.
>You facepalm at your awful joke
>You finish your shower and get dressed
>There's a knock on the door
>You run downstairs and open it
>It's Flutterfaggot
No.
>"What?"
Whatever you're about to say is not my fetish.
>"I w-wasn't going to say anything b-but Twilight was..."
>She moves to the side and Twilight walks up
>"Hey Anon."
Sup.
>"Celestia has invited all eight of us to lunch in Canterlot. Can you make it?"
Yeah of course!
>You love you some foods
When is it?
>"I just said at lunch. Come to my house at 11 and you can walk with me and Spike."
>You nod and she walks away
>Fluttershy stands there staring at you
So...what do you wanna do?
>She eyes your dick
NO! NONE OF THAT! SHAME ON YOU!
>She cowers
>"W-well how ab-bout m-maybe a w-walk?"
A WALK?! THAT'S...a good idea. Let's go.
>She perks up as you shut your door and step out
>The light blinds you
>You put an arm up to block the suns magnificent rays
So Fluttershy...
>She looks up at you
>"Yes Anon?!"
Jesus shit chill out. Why do you like me so much?
>"Oh because you're funny, handsome, strong, have a big penis, kind, and so assertive..."
>The way she says assertive is cute
>You smile
>She takes this the wrong way
>She tackles you and begins making out with you
>The force of the ground and her pushes your intestines together
>Your body lets out a loud boom of a fart
>Fluttershy jumps
>You take the time she's startled to throw her off
See?! This is what I hate about you!
>She lays on the ground moaning
>"I love how assertive you are...throw me again!"
Nope.
>You run the fuck out of there quick
>You get to SugarCube Corner
>You walk in and are greeted with a hoof across the face
>You stumble over to a table and catch yourself on it
>"That's what you get!"
>Pinkie shouts at you
>Oh right...
 
 
--Insert Flashback card here--
 
 
>You walk into SugarCube Corner
Hey Pinkie! What's on the menu?
>"Cupcakes and ice cream is the special today! Wanna take the super dooper scooper challenge?"
>You cannot resist a challenge
Bring it!
>"Just sign here!"
Maybe I will!
>You sign the paper
>Next thing you know you're set up in her kitchen in front of a crowd of ponies
>She scoops twelve different types of ice cream in your bowl
Uh Pinkie I don't know if I can eat this...
>"You already agreed! If not you can just pay the 70 bit fee."
>When the fuck did that happen?
I don't remember agreeing to that!
>She holds out the contract and points to a part that says you have to pay 70 bits if you cannot
Fine! I'll do it!
>You hold up your spoon
>You dig into that shit fast as balls to try to finish it quick
>Hey brain?
>What's up ice cream?
>FREEZE
>You hold your head in pain and almost cry
>Pinkie holds up a clock
>"You have three minutes!"
When was there a time?!
>She shows the contract
>She points to a part at the top thats in supersubscript before super dooper scooper and it says 'timed'
FUCK IT!
>You put spoonful after spoonful of ice cream down your throat ignoring the extreme brain freeze occurring
>You finish 3 seconds before the timer goes off
>The crowd of ponies watching you cheers as you stand up and hold the spoon above your head
I AM LEGEND!
>The ponies throw a party for a few hours in celebration of you doing it
>Suddenly your stomach has something to say
>*Gurgle*
>You grab your stomach in pain
Ahhhh! Everyone...get out quick!
>They just stare at you confused
>Well you warned them
>You relax your body
"BTHTHHTPLPLLPLFHTHHHTHTPTLBPTLHPTBLTPHLPTLPHLB"
>All of their faces slowly change from confused, to shocked, then scrunchy face as they evacuate the building
>Mr and Mrs Cake come back and see Pinkie gagging on the ground
>They blame her as you sneak out of the window
 
 
--Back to present--
 
 
>You hold your face as you stand up
>"I almost got fired for that!"
I'm sorry Pinkie! I just want a cupcake...
>"NO! Get out!"
>She picks you up somehow and throws you out
>You watch as the ground approaches
>Then slowly goes away from you
What the...
>You look behind you and see Rainbow carrying you
Where are we going?!
>She doesn't respond she just keeps flying
>You watch as the ground gets further away
>Then she stops
>You are thrown again
>This time you land on something that feels like pillows
>You look and see clouds
Huh?
>Rainbow lands in front of you
>"This is my house!"
>You look to your left and see a magnificent cloud mansion
Wow.
>"You wanna come in?"
>You peer off the side of the cloud
>Ground is a quarter mile away
Yes please.
>You stand up
>You sink a little but in a moonbounce type way
>"C'mon. Race you to the door!"
>She flies at the house
>You jump
>Apparently this cloud is really springy because you launch at the door
>You smack it and slide down cartoonishly
>She falls over laughing and you stand back up
Okay now it wasn't that funny...
>She stands up
>She wipes away some tears
>"Funnier than you think. Go on it's unlocked."
>You open the door and step inside
>Except you fall
>Straight through the clouds
WHAAAT THE FUUUCK?!
>She catches you
>"Oh right...sorry the cloudwalk spell doesn't work in my house..."
>She brings you back to the ground
Why not?
>"Cupcakes..."
>She shivers and looks at the ground
Okay?
>"Gotta go man. Cya!"
>She flies off
>Fuck
>How are you supposed to know where you are?
>You look around
Oh.
>You see Carousel Boutique
>You run over to it
>Sweetie Bell is playing out by the tree
>You walk up to her
Hey Sweetie!
>"Hey Anon! Can you not call me that?"
Why not?
>She blushes slightly
>"Because it makes ponies think that y'know...we're together."
But you're just a filly! Who said that?!
>She turns back quickly and mutters something
What was that?
>"Diamond *mumble*"
Okay, you are'nt Fluttershy. Speak up.
>"Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon! Everytime they see me they throw rocks at me and call me a...a..."
A what?
>"I can't say it."
>You kneel down to her
Just whisper it, I won't tell on you.
>"A monkeyfucker..."
>You stand up
Well if you'll excuse me I have some work to do.
>You walk through town searching for them
>You spot them laughing at Scootaloo who's trying to fly with the help of Applebloom
>A few ass whoopins later, Diamond Faggot and Silver Bitch are tied tail to tail and hanging on a tree branch
>Scootaloo and Applebloom come running up to you and jump at your legs
>"That was AWESOME!"
>"Ah'm gunna tell mah sister that you stopped the bullies!"
>She runs off
>You smile
All in a days work...
 
>Scootaloo grabs your arm
>"You wanna come play with me Anon?"
Sure!
>After playing a game of tag with her you ask
Hey what time is it?
>Scootaloo holds up her arm and there is a watch
>"It's 10:57."
GOTTAGOBYE!
>You Sanic to Twilight's
>Going so fast everything is just colors
>Suddenly, yellow and pink
>You trip on it and go tumbling with it until you hit something hard
>You sit up and shoo away the birds circling your head
>You see Fluttershy with her eyes spinning
>Then they stop on you
>"Oh Anon I love when you hurt me..."
>She moans
>Before you can scream and run away, a door opens to your right and Twilight steps out with Spike on her back
>"You're here! Great let's go!"
Why can't I ride too?
>You point to her back
>"Haha shut up Anon."
>You laugh and stand up
>Flutterfreak taps your side
>"Y-you can ride m-me if you want..."
Okay.
>She squees and stands up tall
>You supress your laughter as you put one leg over her
>Then you bend over and push her body backwards so her face is right next to your butt
>You rip a huge fart
>She scrunchy faces so hard and falls over coughing
HAHAHA!
>You run and catch up to Twilight
>You stand behind her and talk with Spike about little things until you get to the train station
>The rest of the mane six are there
>Pinkie still looks pissed at you
>You approach her as the train pulls in
I said I'm sorry!
>She bounces up and slaps you with a hoof
>Then she gets on the train
>You look to Rarity and she shrugs
>You all enter the train
>Of course there's no one else in this car
>Fluttershy sits right next to you
>LIKE.RIGHT.NEXT.TO.YOU.
>There are plenty other open seats but nope...
Fluttershy go sit somewhere else.
>"No."
>You look at her
Move.
>"I said no."
>You pick her up and put her a seat away
>She slides back over
Damnit.
>She snuggles into your side
>Then AJ sits across from you
>"So Ah heard you taught Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon a lesson today."
>Rarity scoots to your other side
>"Yes do tell!"
>You retell your story of beating snoody filly ass
>"Anon darling I don't know how I can ever repay you! Sweetie Bell has never talked to me about it but I see it happen."
>"Thank ya kindly Anon! Now Applebloom won't be flinchin as much when Ah...uh...russle her mane."
>She avoids all looks
>Spike sits diagonal from you next to Twilight who is looking at a piece of paper
Hey what's that paper for?
>She looks up
>She gets that 'oh someone cares!' look in her eyes
>"Oh this? It's a list of the day. I have one for every day you know! Every thing we do is all planned right he-"
>She notices that everyone is asleep
>She groans and pulls out a book
>You wake up jizzing
mmm...what the FUCK?!
>Everyone else wakes up
>Well except the Rainbow at your feet
>You see Fluttershy's head in your pants
>She pulls it out quickly
>You grab her and throw her at the wall
>She smacks against it and lays there for a second before standing up
>She comes back over to you, walking on the seats
>"It makes me so w-wet...when you h-hurt me..."
>Why is this your life?
>She rubs her cunt against you and you grab her
>You lift her above the sleeping Rainbow at your feet
>You drop her on Rainbow
>Rainbow jumps up
>"I DIDN'T FUCK THE TUR-"
>All the eyes are on her
>"Oh hey..."
>Spike sits next to you
>Awesome so much better than that Flutter freak
>But he just keeps going on an on about how amazing Rarity is
>And she's sitting on the other side of you
>You pick him up mid sentence and put him next to her
>He finishes his sentence
>"And that's why I'd totally beat that shit up."
>She stares mouth agape at him while you and Twilight laugh
>AJ doesn't know what the fuck is so funny and Fluttershy is arguing with Rainbow about something
>"Well Spike...I had no idea you felt that way. Twilight, may I speak to Spike in another car?"
>"Yeah. The car in front of us should be empty too. This is second class."
>She levitates Spike on her back and walks out
>Suddenly Fluttershy
>Right next to you again
Fuck my life!
>The train stops
THANK YOU!
>You get up and head towards the door
>You open it and see Rarity sucking off Spike
>All the laughs
>Rarity is ashamed but still lets Spike ride her back as you walk through Canterlot
>He deserves it
>She didn't even finish him off
>Fluttershy flies up to your face as you walk through Canterlot
Fluttershy move.
>"M-make me."
Gladly.
>You grab her and throw her a couple feet ahead of you
>She rolls into a stand and it collapses sending an apple rolling down the walkway
>A guard slips on the apple and falls on his back
>He lets out a scream as his back pops out of place
>The scream startles a nearby sword swallower
>The sword pierces his heart and he dies instantly
>His blood forms a trail down the cracks of the rocks and into a pool in a street
>Princess Celestia is walking up the street when she sees you
>"Oh! You're here!"
>She trots over happily
>Then slips in the blood and faceplants on the rocks
>You run over and help her up because this obviously was your fault
Hey are you alright?
>She stands and her legs wobble a bit
>"BTTHTPL"
>Did she just fart?
>She blushes hard and swishes her tail to push it away
>She puts her head close to your ear
>"Sorry...it's a problem I have with dairy..."
Me too...
>She backs away from you
>"Well...lets have lunch then!"
>She walks past you and the others and guides you to the gardens
>You see a picnic blanket out with food
>Celestia sits down and Twilight sits next to her
>You sit across from Sunbooty
>You are enjoying your cucumber sandwich when the ground rumbles for a second
>You look up and while all the other ponies are looking around confused, Celestia is blushing and looking right at you
>She continues to eat her food
>So does everyone else
>So Sunbutt has a problem with that too huh?
>What ever do you mean Brain?
>Fart. Do it now so she doesn't feel too embarassed
>Whatever you say brain
>You lean to the side
>You try to slip out a small one
"BPTLBPLTLBTH"
>They all stare at you
>Pinkie looks pissed
>Celestia tilts her head for a bit
>Then she leans to one side and "BLTPLLHPTLPPH"
>They all look at her confused and disgusted
>It was like love at first fart
>You stand up and take her hoof
>Pinkie comes at you
>You turn your ass at her and "THPTLHPLTHLT"
>She falls to the ground and gags as you and Celestia laugh
>She stands up
>Twilight speaks
>"Don't you want to finish your foo-"
>She is cut off by the glorious white bum "PLLLTHTBBBBHTTHHT"
>You laugh and so does Sunbooty
>Twilight falls over and throws up
>"It...it got IN MY MOUTH!"
>She throws up again
>You and Celestia run away laughing
>You stop behind a house
>"Oh goodness Anonymous...did you see her face?! It was like bleh!"
>She sticks her tongue out and crosses her eyes
>You laugh
That was so funny!
>You're both silent for a second just staring into each others eyes
>You both lean in and kiss
>Then you both back up
I'm sorry I shouldn't hav-
>"No it was my fault we-"
"BTHLPLTHLT"
>She giggles
Lets do it more!
>She nods
>"Lets go to Luna's room!"
>With a flash of bananas and yellow you appear at a door
>The door has a moon symbol on it
>Tia is dancing from hoof to hoof
>"Ohmygoodnessthisisgoingtobehilarious!"
>So cute you almost die
>She knocks on the door
>It slowly opens
>"Ah! Sister. And who's this? Anonymous! It's been a while since we've seen you! Come in both of you!"
>You both supress your giggles and gas as you walk in
>You stand next to Tia in the middle of the room
>"You stay here, we'll go get drinks."
>She walks into another room
What do we do?
>"Fart everywhere and then leave from the window!"
>You start rippin them like a chainsaw
>She plants her royal booty on Luna's pillow and gas explodes out
Wait Celestia that's a little fucked up...she could get pink eye!
>She shrugs then continues to fart all over the room
>It smells like seven baby animals were raped to death in here
>You hear Luna coming back
She's coming!
>"Quick get on my back!"
>You jump on her and she flies out the window
>She stays right beneath the window sill so you can listen
>"Who wants martini's? Oh dear fuck what the-"
>She coughs and gags
>"TIA I WILL GET YOU FOR THIS!"
>Celestia lands you both and you fall over with gassy laughter
"PLPLLBTHHTBPLP"
>"HPTLHTPLLBTPLH"
"PPLLLPBBTHHTHHH"
>Then you hear a squirt noise
>You look over to her and see a sputtering fountain of shit erupting from her anus
Celestia! Fucking control yourself!
>She lets it all out and then you both walk away
>You go back to the picnic where the ponies are still sitting at
>You sit back down like nothing ever happened
>You finish your food and everyone gets up to leave
>When heading back to the train, Tia stops you
>"Same time next week?"
You got it Sputterbutt.
>She snorts and you put your hands up
I won't tell anyone I promise.
>"Alright. See ya."
>You go back to the train
>No funny business happens between anyone
>They're all tired or pissed
>You leave the train when it arrives at the station
>Fluttershy walks home with you because her house is right next to yours
>"Anon."
>You look down to her as you walk
Yeah?
>She bucks you in the leg
WHAT THE FUCK?!
>You punch her in the head
>She looks back up at you with a bruise on her head
>"YES ANON! BEAT ME HARDER!"
>You ignore her and head into your house
>Today was an amazing day